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ITT: Times you were a full fledged autist.
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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ITT: Times you were a full fledged autist.

> grade 3
> lunch time
> no friends
> would climb on monkey bars all of lunch
> would run around with my hands behind my back like sonic
> grade 5 kid asked me wtf I was doing and called me a faggot
> was embarrassed
> went back to play on monkey bars
>crush on 50 year old teacher
>crush on girl
>make 2 flowers out of kleenex
>put moms perfume on it
>bring to school. walk to front of glass and give one to mrs hammerhead.
>she asks who other one is for
>me: uhm... uhm... some..one...uhm..special
>teacher: who is that
>turn bright red cant say girls name finally say her name
>entire class starts laughing. girl is embarrassed glares at me.
>everyone laughing at me
>start crying
>girls parents find out. and my parents get lecture about me harassing girls
I did the same Sonic shit, except gave no fucks about what other kids thought.

Lighten up, OP. At least you had fun.
>grade 5 I think
>was in class doing some work
>bell rings
>everybody gets up and so do I
>they all say next class is gym
>skinnyfag, btw
>there was this bucket thing for clothes so people wouldnt have to get a locker
>its in class so I assume we have to change now
>get my pants off in front of everyone
>Im half naked in front of everybody and get as red as a Blood gang member
>run away without pants
>never went back to that school
>2nd grade. mother left and moved away. I'm pretty fucked up about it
>play with no one. just read stories all day.
>eat alone in cafeteria.
>one day cool kids ask me to be lookout
>they go into parking lot and steal "chromies" off of highschool kids cars ( chrome valves on tires )
>I see teacher coming
>Just stare at teacher. not sure what to do
>They get caught
>I get in trouble too even though I just stood there
>kids hate me because I didnt warn them.
>have to sit alone during recess and I play with dirt
>Dad gets call about me being a thief at school
>play with dirt a lot. I mean a lot. all I do is sit during recess and play with dirt.
>one day see ants
>new mission is killing ants. all I do is kill ants during recess
>make piles of rocks and run past big ant hill, drop rocks, watch ants go ape shit
>get to safe distance, get more dirt. run back, drop dirt, ants go ape shit.
>rinse and repeat
>one day making bombing run and kid kicks soccer ball at me. hits right in stomach.
>collapse on top of ant pile, cant breathe, angry ants
>Dad gets call to pick me up because I have been bitten so badly.
bump, need more laughs
>end of second grade. still no friends. all I do is read stories from this weird box of stories we have
>be told I'm getting held back because I'm stupid and poorly socialized
>new mom has me transfered to new school.
>grateful I never have to see all these shitty people again
>years later, go to highschool, have to see the exact same shitty people every day.
>exact same kids are popular. how fucking weird is that?
>exact same kids are fucking retarded
>guess where I fit in
>thread about me
>post stories
>still no friends
>no one cares
>404 now
>1st grade, just got glasses, first day of school.
>Happy, first recess time wee
>Run around playing
>Run up to cousin with his friends ( 6th graders )
>want to play dinosaurs imma stegosaurus! crawl around ROAAR
>6th graders surround me ( K-6 grade school )
>hey 4 eyes faggot
>get in circle around me and spit all over me
>kick me and hit me
>my own cousin is part of the crew
>Don't know where I can tell on them yet
>Hide, feel betrayed

Thus the start of hatred
ive been trying to think of events, I think theyve all been properly opressed though
> be me.
> 16
> colombian military school
> were doing drills at the park
>qt girl says I'm really hot
> keep on sprinting

Luckily I grew out of thr autist stage and have a long term gf. But holy fuck I couldn't even talk to girls back then.

>foster brother cause we can't have our son alone
>would bring over random kids to play with me
>enjoyed more time alone, always fucked over by parents and their needs
>foster brother.
>molested early on.
>2 years of fiddling with me

More hatred.
I like your stories anon, they make me feel like less of a retard in grade school
> grade 3
> why does most of this shit happen in 3rd grade?
> used to telling parents Bye, I love you when they leave
> cute girls last day at our school
> all the kids yelling bye as she leaves
> I yell "Bye! I love you!"
> room goes silent
fuck... fuck fuck...
ok then

>4th grade. For some reason we all chew on surf board wax. No idea how this started, but we do.
>wax comes in different flavors, cherry, etc.
>get invited to girls birthday party
>get grandma to take me to Vans
>Buy surf wax. Grandma looks at me says you sure?
>wrap present
>give to girl at party
>girls mother flips the fuck out and I somehow get grounded at a party
>sit alone and play with dirt
>parents come pick me up early
>pick related, the brand of wax I bought
>grade 1
>find a golf tee on school field
>poke some kid with it
>kid tattles on me apparently
>I come inside and the teacher approaches me with her hand outstretched
>"give it to me"
>honestly has no idea what she is talking about
>pulls out greasy electric motor from a toy I ripped apart at home
>eventually she demands the golf tee, I get in trouble
>end of the year class spirit trip to roller rink
>always wanted to play hockey
>told everyone I did when I really didn't
>start skating with friends
>actually an okay skater
>My Chemical Romance comes on
>"this is my jam"
>start skating really fast to show off to everyone
>lose my footing and proceed to faceplant while knocking over my crush
>she falls ass first on my face
>mfw that's the most action i've ever gotten
thats pretty funny
> grade 1
> shit pants
> student goes and tells teacher that I smell
> teacher brings me to front of class and makes me turn around
> get sent to principals office
> janitor removes desk from classroom for cleaning
I did that on a business call once, because my girlfriend walked out of the house, and I was just ending a phone call.

"ok bye, love you"

"uhm. right."


>first year university
>laundry day was yesterday
>no clean shirts except for dress shirt
>dress shirt is too tight to button the collar button
>wear bow tie instead
>go to class
>pick up an assignment at the front and then head to sit down
>on the way back a cutie asian stops me
>"you r waring a boh tye!"
>"mee tew!"
>she moves her scarf and sure enough she's wearing a bow tie too.
>just say "oh wow!" like it is exciting.
>just stand there.
>she awkwardly smiles and then becomes visually uncomfortable
>I just "uhh" for a second like I am going to say something
>go and sit down
that makes me want to gouge my eyes out in shame
404 irl
>be me
>13.26 ish
>with friend call her lady madonna
>be like yo
>lady madonna like aight lets do the slug
>be me
>be me
>SELECT pussy
>FROM Fuck_Organs
>WHERE cock_ID = my_UNIT
>me fuck
>be me lady Madonna
>be me
>first year of university again
>first year of using transit
>notice that when you sit 4 person seats, people will move away from the center as soon as they can.
>always sit in the center because lonely
>one day near bus is quite full,
>sitting in the normal spot on the middle with people around me
>popular stop and a lot of people leave and everyone but one person beside me leaves the seat.
>near empty bus starts moving
>person next to me moves over
>turn to them
>white girl in yoga pants and hipster glasses
>wanted to say "what am I scary or something?"
>say "w-what d-do you not w-want to sit with me?"
>she gets up and stands by the bus driver the rest of the ride.
oh my Fucking kek
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Mine's similar
>grade 8
>gym class
>had to run laps
>ran a full lap as fast as I can running like naruto
>one kid said "easy there buddy"
>mfw a few months later I remembered it and realized that I must've looked like a complete idiot
Your posts axtually made me sad . condolences
>be me around 12 or 13
>playing new vegas
>hadn't saved yet on hardcore mode
>brothers friends turns off my xbox
>before i can save
>stand up and rage at the top of my lungs then start to cry
i hadnt saved and he totally fucked up that baller run i had
>first year university again
>first time on a city bus
>get on a bus during a thunderstorm out of necessity
>sit down, bus is packed because rain
>notice it is going the wrong way
>can't get off without person interaction
>stays on the bus for the next hour hoping it will turn around and go back the other way at the ending
>last stop
>everyone off
>"I'm sorry but this is the last stop, kid"
>get off bus
>walk 4 hours home in the dark.
I didn't follow. Thanks for the plain text explanation.

business associate hung up, a single tear rolling down his cheek, "I-I love you, too, anon"
The things we keep secret
>grade 5
>just got kicked out of gifted class because I wanted to be the funny fat kid and thought people would laugh at me for being smart
>come back to regular class
>really have to take a shit
>ive had this thing for the past few years of me wiping and smearing my shit places like mirrors, tables etc.
>stick my finger up my ass and poop on it
>smear it inside desk
>minutes go by, people start smelling it
>they search the desks one by one eventually come to mine
>janitor sticks hand in desk, stick his hand in shit on accident
>say its just chocolate pudding
>teacher: "tony is the only one who had chocolate pudding today, anon."
>swear its not my shit, must be another kids
>they take me out of class, everyone laughing or grossed out
>call my parents, get in huge trouble
>the school thinks its best if im taken out of regular class and put in special ed
>mfw i went from gifted to retard in one week of school

And i stayed in the retard class for 2 whole fucking school years. We eventually moved out of state though, so all was well.
i was playing fallout new vegas if you havent heard of it look it up
theres a hardcore mode where it doesnt auto save and you have to drink and eat and watch your radiation etc
i hadnt saved yet and he turned off my xbox
and it made me sad and angry
>first grade
>poop pants at recess
>luckily no one was around me
>turd falls out of right pant leg
>get poop on inner side of right shoe
>smells bad
>tell fellow students mom who was helping the class that day i stepped in dog poo
>she starts cleaning it
>asks how I stepped in dog poop with the inner side of my shoe
>tell her the dog poo was in between the concrete curb and the grass and my foot slid down in it
>she says nothing and keeps cleaning my shoe
>thank you dave mcclane's mom
> grade 3
> pretend I had a gun
> pretend to shoot said gun all the time
> kid says "this isn't iraq you fucking retard"
> don't know why I did it
you're not very smart, eh?

straight up dave mcclane has best mom
I think I shat myself at least once a year til third grade or something. Fuck those nasty public restrooms. Probably should've used em tho.
>Be me, 3rd grade
>Went to another classroom because reading classes were separated based on reading level
>Free reading time, class all quiet
>Have to dart, thinking it was going to be silent, so I let loose
>Loudest Fucking eruption I've ever heard in my life
>Whole class laughs, I just get as red as a strawberry and don't say anything for the rest of the class
>thank God nobody in my home room was in that reading class
>On the bus, popular Mexican girl calls me out on my fart
>I tell everyone it was her and she's calling me out because she is embarrassed to admit it
>Mfw everyone believed it was her
>second grade
>poop my pants during class
>doesn't smell but i can feel it molding to my ass
>walk slowly to teacher and asked to us restroom
>go to bathroom and flip the mound of poop into the toilet
>new vegas
So you're like 15?

shhh we're witnessing a full autist moment right now!
god you sound like a pleb
>6th grade
>bathroom urinal is out of order
>piss in it in front of my one friend to impress him
>it leaks all over downstairs computer lab
>my mom and dad have to pay 5500 to replace computers
>be young
>decide it'll be funny to piss in the gutter at school
>all these kids gathered around me in awe
>proceed to piss
>i look around with pride
>lose control of my wee-wee
>literally piss all over the kids closest to me trying to get control of it
>cover one kid in piss
>i panic and say "look i'll pee my pants too"
>cant actually pee my pants because i peed on everyone elses pants
>start to cry and run to my mother
>third grade
>poop my pants
>feels like a solid turd
>remember the previous years success
>walk slowly to teacher and ask to use restroom
>go to bathroom and attempt to flip the turd into the toilet
>leave turd on ground and return to class
>latter the class is relieved for break
>everyone goes to the bathroom and sees the turd on the ground
>everyone freaks out
>gary the janitor comes and picks it up
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>work at shoe store
>girl and father walk in
>father says "we need some shoes, she has some big feet haha"
>before thinking, say "hey we all have big feet sometimes"
>move along like it never happened
>hope they never noticed

>they noticed
Underage b&. New Vegas was released in 2010, by your logic you're not 18 yet friend.
lol same shit hapened to me. 3rd grade I'd go over to the and i'd climb circles around those fucking bars.
>seventh grade
>morbidly obese
>have to go pee
>ask to use the bathroom
>penis is like a turtle head and the fat roll is its shell
>accidentally piss all over the floor
>all the boys of the class walk in as I was pissing all over the floor
>ask me what the fuck I was doing
>claim pube got in front of pee hole
>walk away
I find this highly amusing
Lol wat
I did not until a few weeks after the incident.

I think my boss even heard me
my penis was super small due to my obesity
The level of kek in this thread is too damn high
>Like 2nd grade
>Have crush on girl
>Buy little stuffed dog and write a note saying shit like I love you or something like that I think
>Have the teacher put it in her desk
>She finally opens it and does other shit I don't fucking remember
>Hours later be like "don't forget to feed and water that dog."
>She's like how'd you know
>Uhh I gave it to you.
>See her throw away the note.
Well fuck.
>1st grade
>Someone bet me 5 bucks to go up to front of class and lick wall while teacher is teaching
>Do it
>Teacher: wtf are you doing
>Me:Uh, I thought I saw something on the wall (don't remember what I said, but it was equally retarded as this)
>Okay, Sit down anon. Ask permission next time
>Nigger didn't pay up
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>be me
>in wal-mart with my friend and his parents
>on our way out for a camping trip
>suddenly gotta take a huge shit
>looking for the shitter
>see the sign, it points towards the deli
>im freaking out because the can isn't by the deli
>eventually shit my pants
>start crying and pacing around wal-mart, shit stink trailing behind
>people are noticing
>finally find my mom's friend
>"what's wrong anon?"
>im a blubbering mess, finally manage to stutter a sentence
>"i s-shit my p-p-pants"
>she takes me to the washroom
>i ask her to help me clean up
>she says no and buys me shorts to wear on the way home
>mfw the washroom was 10 steps towards the exit from the deli
>mfw i had to sit on a plastic bag in the car
>mfw trip cancelled because i shit myself
Sorry the pube in the way part lol.
continue anon
they should make it the company slogan and only sell shoes in large sizes
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yeah that was a good one. god bless my grandma, she fucking walked into a skate shop and bought me fucking sex-wax. how kick ass a grandma is that?

oh businessman-san will we never be together?

>the school thinks its best if im taken out of regular class and put in special ed


>4th grade walking in mall
>find some clay on ground
>firm and solid, make a box with it
>walking around playing with it
>step mom comes back from trying on clothes
>takes clay out of hand and goes "Anon where did you find that"
>smells clay and freaks out
>have funny smell on hand for rest of mall
>years later realize it was baby shit
>my fucking cringe
>grade 3
>lunch time but i forgot my lunch at home because i slept in
>start crying
> shit myself
> eat my shit for lunch
Got a funny story of my friend, counts as autist on teachers part.

>Building legos and shit
>Friend makes pistol
>Teacher: anon what is that?
>Friend: It's a PP7 (from goldeneye 64 which we played a lot even though we were in preschool)
>Friend gets time out for saying "pee pee"
>new Vegas

>>gary the janitor comes and picks it up
school janitors have the shittiest job. they are always cleaning up kids poop and vomit.
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>be me, freshman year of college
>always see girl who lives in my dorm as i'm getting ready for bed, invites me to her room a few times
>take her up on it every once in a while but leave because of early classes the next day

>one day she comes into hall bathroom as I'm brushing my teeth in nothing but a towel
>starts talking to me about how she hates showering alone
>get nervous and say something retarded along the lines of "haha you should go look for a turkish bath or something"
>she says she wants to clean out the tub downstairs and have a bubble bath with someone
>I continue being a fucking autist and say something like "haha yeah let me know when you do that, you need to get some of those bath salts or something"
>she says something affirmative, then turns around, takes off her towel and slowly gets into the shower totally naked in front of me
>continue brushing my teeth like a complete faggot
>leave bathroom

>regret not showering with her ever since

Did I win the biggest autist award yet?
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holy shit.
Did you faggots even end up doing anything?

another fucking asshole autist right here.

go an hero.
>be me
>start school for the first time and i can't amke friends
>don't make any friends till 7th grade
>Do so because I mimic what I saw on TV
>Still do the same to this day at age 20


Is it possible I'm autistic and my mom lied to me because she didn't want me getting treated differently?
At least you didnt swim when you ran...
>grade 6
>school had really fucking good cookies
>ask kid if I could have some cause am a bum
>kid says no
>kid gets up
>I take a bite of his cookie
>kid comes back
>tell kid I just tore it off
>tells teacher
>I have to buy kid another cookie and shit
>still makes me cringe to this day, I feel like an ass
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>Grade 4
>New kid joins the class, fat, stinky, full on weaboo trash
>DBZ, Naruto, whatever was in Shonen Jump at the time he wouldn't shut up about
>Unfortunately for myself I too had a huge boner for SJ, though I normally kept it to myself
>Didn't really care much about what he looked or smelled like, just cool to meet someone my own age with the same interests
>Every recess we would re-enact scenes from manga or video games that were current
>Fight invisible enemies, have dramatic death scenes, all that shit
>Went on for an entire year
>Came to my senses in grade five and joined the kids playing street soccer
>Still hung out with Weaboo Jones on the DL so I could use his trampoline and PS2 until around grade eight
>House was literal shithole, parents 400+ lbs and dirty laundry everywhere whenever I came over

>mfw I realize just now I hung out with him at least once every two weeks for nearly four years
She transferred school a few weeks afterwards.

Believe me, the frustration you're feeling is nothing compared to the self hatred I feel whenever I think about it.
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jesus these days he would have been kicked out of school as part of their no-guns tolerance policy.

>new transfer from other college
>way out of my league
>part of my social circle, get up nerve to buy her coffee
>she smiles we have nice date
>second date italian food
>halfway through meal, she leans over and saus
>anon im not wearing panties
>hikes up her skirt
>heart stops
>freeze. smile.
>say "hot"
>ignore it
>start thinking there must be something wrong with her
>must be slut with bad reputation
>everyone will laugh when they find out
>maybe she is just fucking with me
>end dinner, give her peck on cheek drop her off
>her feelings are really hurt as I basically rejected the fuck out of her
>next day she starts hanging out with friend of ours
>have to spend next year listening about how great their sex is
>no one makes fun of him
>she has no bad reputation
>sometimes at night I can hear friend/flatmate fucking her
>tears on my pillow

I felt like such a fucking manlet. I mean I turned down a girl because she was being TOO aggressive. how fucked up is that. It was like the autists dream. She spelled it all out. HERE FUCK ME ANON I DONT HAVE PANTIES ON

and I fucked it up
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third for the sonic thing.
There's a video of 12 year old me running that shit on YouTube somewhere.
underage detected
shit you should have contacted with her or some shit.
>in 4th grade
>school had metal bars supporting patio roof
>bars are in pairs, about 3 inches apart
>get brilliant idea that maybe my knee would fit between them
>it totally did
>then I got stuck
>classmates are all wtf anon y u do that?
>I dunno
>teacher all wtf
>Janitor had to get some sort of lube to get me out
>I had a good laugh at least
fucking awesome
> be me about 7 or 8 on car ride

> whole family is convoying up the
>highway for thanksgiving

> I'm with my aunt and uncle in an
>old blazer have to use bathroom

>they pull over and convoy of 4 or 5

>They nudge me to the
>bushes on the side of the road.

> now or never

>drop trou and shit in front of family >and cousins and everyone driving

>MFW my ass was facing everyone
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>be me
>sophomore in HS
>Distance runner on track team
>Just finish running 2 mile
>cooling down
>2 girls appear next to me
>"Wow you looked great out there"
>They laugh and run off
Why was I such a faggot?
After thinking about it for a bit, yeah I'm pretty autistic.

Like text book definition

Oh well, making fat cash as a heavy equipment operator.

One of my childhood obsessions was to drive around in a big excavator all day and now I get to do it. And make 3 grand a paycheck before I'm legally able to drink in the US

Follow your dreams /b/

No matter how far fetched they be you'll never know it they'll come true unless you try.
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i fucking cringe so hard everytime I remember ... I looked down and saw her nicely trimmed pussy, and I fucking froze. I thought

"she is fucking with me"
"people will laugh"
"there is something wrong with her"

I can't believe how immature I was.
top kek
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>be 5th grade
>after school shenanigans with bros
>go over to bros apartment
>all of a sudden I could feel the bubble guts
>start pacing back and forth in the living room
>knock on bathroom door, but someone's in there
>start dashing to the door without thinking
>get outside when a breeze of cold air hits my face
>see his neighbors steps
>squat over said steps
>shifting my demons out.gif
>pull up my pants without wiping
>decide to walk home because of shame
Dave McClane's mom is pretty chill
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holy motherfucking shit what a beta faggot you are
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> be me
> today
> 40th birthday
> posted on /b/
>Be grade 4 or 5
>did not know what the word 'erection' meant
>Assumed it meant attention span
>Started messing around in class
>Teacher gives me shit for not paying attention
>"Sorry I have a short erection"
>Students laugh
>Teacher only stares at me
>Grades 6-12
>Sit alone at lunch
>Talk to no one, ever
>No friends

Yeah, six years
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wow dude
I wonder how long it took you to think about all this.
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>4th grade
>play capture the flag
>have to stop because of massive pain
>pressure in stomach
>feels like fucking needles
>lay down
>kids run and get teacher
>get nurse
>press on stomach
>pain is unbelievable
>call grandpa to pick me up and take me to hospital
>grandpa drives over. he shouldnt be driving can barely see
>im crying and they put me in car
>drive 30 feet
>my asshole opens up and a fart the size of my entire body rips out
>car smells like shit
>pain gone. feels so fucking good.
>grandpa mutters some shit to me in russian
>takes me to his house and grandma made me tea and cookies
>next day lied to everyone and said they took out my apendix because afraid to say it was just a fart
dat sql
she has to be the nicest mom I've ever met. I also like how she does that one thing that other moms don't do something.
> kindy/year 1
> walk home after school cause i live really close
> knock on door, no one's home
> really have to pee so i piss myself waiting for mum to come home and unlock the door
> turn around
> my neighbour just saw everything
> feel embarassed
> hide behind a plant for the remainder of the time waiting for mum
What faggots don't want to play dinosaurs? I'd do that shit today.
>Be in 6th grade
>class project was making up an organism and describing how it looks and functions
>think orgasm is an abbreviation for organism
>look at my friend and say "my orgasm is better than yours"
>realized once it was too late that the teacher was right beside me when I said that
>back in highschool i was a giant brony, no longer one thank fuck
>One day the teacher did not show up.
>I was really good at art, I'm an art major right now
>I decide to draw fluttershy on the whiteboard
>Everyone looks at me, because i live in appalachia where if you're a guy and anything isn't masculine you're automatically labeled as a faggot
>Decide to shout that's fluttershy!
>i then draw arrows towards her ass
>class starts laughing
>Class laughs at me even harder
>run out of classroom
>rumor spread around school
>from now on i'm known as pony boy
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it was all i could think of in the heat of the moment
>be 14
>playing Naruto on DS
>le annoying little bro comes in
>"what's that?" *initiate troleface*
>"new game...manga....it's li.."
>little bro grabs DS and smashes it, all my rage
>MFW it's ok all my /b/ros will understand


stay gold
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thats not autistic
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That's not being a faggot, man. Those were just some bitches. What, like you were supposed to give them an elaborate fuckin response after you just got done with two miles?
I had massive self esteem issues.

here is one for the pedos

>4th grade. I've made my second friend ever. his name is mike and I really like him
>mike invites me over to spend night
>after shower time, we get put to sleep
>I show him my pee pee
>he shows me his
>I ask him if he wants to touch it
>he says no
>i say
>"want to see this it feels good"
>start licking his cock and suck on it
>how the fuck do I know this feels good? I have no idea. probably have some repressed molestation thing
>next day dont think anything of it
>next week at school kid comes up to me and says Im disgusting
>no idea what he is talking about
>two girls come up tell me I am gross
>its ok mike is my friend
>mike wont talk to me. his new friend calls me a fag and to leave him alone
>never knew what I did wrong
>back to no friends
>remember this like 10 years later
>cringe so motherfucking hard. everyone knew I had sucked some kids dick. they must have told their parents. no wonder I didn't have any friends.
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you were 13? no way nigger. top fucking laff
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> Flash to kindergarten
> Bout lunchtime I think
> For some autistic ass reason this group of 5 boys (myself) would go to the bathroom together like highschool girls
> Get wacky idea
> Lets show the other dudes my peepee
> Pulls down pants
> Everyone stares
> Begin the trouser unbucklement
> In 5minutes the elementary school bathrrom becomes a male strip club
> We are touching dicks and shit, pedos wet dream
> Some faggot Ernie is watching
>Goes and tattles, i overhear this shit
> they were flinging their dingys at each other
> Got in trouble
>Parents called
>dad thinks im a faggot for the rest of life
>still friends with one kid
>I asked him about it once and he said to never mention it again
> mfw i realize how weird that mustve been to all 4 parties after hearing of the incident (Ernie, teacher, parents , friend)
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Here's my story, just too lazy shit to retype
Don't worry. He is just retarded and got held back a bunch.
Just remembered this one
>be me
>be at most a year ago
>hanging out with friends
>go to an abandoned train
>sit on top of train
>train has empty transporter things and have open tops
>feel smallest fart
>think it wont make noise
>mfw it makes small noise that echos at least four times
>mfw my friend blames it on someone else
>mfw no face

I sat with maybe 7 friends, and two were 7/10 grills
was this in sandwich?
Faggot no one understood your story too so fuck off
holy shit something like this has happened to me
>be in middle school
>have to take bus and metro to go home
>have to take huge shit all day but can't find bathroom
>school ends
>go alone on metro telling friends my mom's gonna pick me up
>go to a mall and go to bathroom and try to shit
>still cant
>get to bus and have really bad stomach aches
>wanna cry
>get home finally
>try to shit
>it was a huge fucking fart that could be equivalent to the atomic bomb dropped in Japan
>fart wakes up dog
>best relief of my life
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I had a (female) friend about 8th grade that thought a condominium was a small condom
>3rd grade
>always been awkward as fuck
>small bathroom attached to classroom
>take a massive dump
>clog toilet
>decide it's a good idea to use underwear as glove to try and unclog it
>fail miserably
>pull shit covered underwear out of toilet
>wring them out and stuff them in my pants
>discretely put inside my desk in crayon box when we leave for recess
>probably four months later end of school year
>desk cleanout
>try to pull shit-stained tightie whities out and throw them away
>slingshots due to them being basically glued to everything in box and falls on floor
>everyone sees
>switch schools next year
>6th grade
>didn't pay attention in maturation classes
>don't know what the word masturbator meant
>kid on the shuttle bus calls me anon the masturbator
>literally yells it across the whole bus at me every day about once a week or so
>ignore him cause I don't understand his insult
years later
> be me, probably 6
>mom needs to do some shopping at the mall, leaves me at mall playground
> one of those weird soft plastic playgrounds in doors, not really sure how to elaborate, but you'd know it if you saw it
>fake plastic log on top of fake plastic rocks, highest point on playground
>went up on all fours and howled like a wolf
>brother always brings this up in front of friends to make himself seem cooler
yeah that scene should be in a sitcom or someshit. i can picture reese kicking a ball at malcom or something.

fuck got to go.
There was one girl that thought a handjob was finger sucking
>be me
>5th grade
>know this grill named sabrina, she's a bad bitch
>qt face and not fat
>she asks me out and I say yasss
>Shitty 11 year old relationship engage
>Over the next few weeks the school is investigating who is writing on the bathroom walls with their shit
>it's district policy to keep things secret until they catch the person, but info gradually gets leaked
>mfw it's the girl's bathroom
>mfw people say it's sabrina
>This grill comes up to me one day and says
>"Aren't you dating sabrina?"
>I say yes
>"well I just walked in on her writing on the walls with her own poop..."
>I break up with her
>she kicks me in my literal ass
>Next day she gets called to the office
>It's obvious she's caught
>She runs out of the school instead of going to the office
>Chase ensues
>She moved away
I love crazy girls
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Typical Mrs. mcclane, always chill as fucl
>5th grade.
>didn't understand difference between infatuation and love
>was obsessed with this 9/10
>told my friend I loved her
>never even spoke to the girl
>friend tells girl
>girl thinks I'm a freak
>girl is popular
>girl tells big mouth niggress
>niggress shouts it out
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Similar story

>Be in 4th grade
>At lunch, have to fart
>Blow monster ass on the luch table bench seat full of other kids
>Fuckin' gook next to me turns to look at me
>We lock eyes
>Both yell out "EW!" at each other
>Kid at opposite end of bench says "I felt that all the way over here!"
>I blame it on the gook, Benjamin
>Everybody believes it was Benjamin
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>freshman year
>never had a girlfriend
>been talking to this cute girl lately
>one day we're sitting around talking after school
>she looks me in the eye and leans in for a kiss out of nowhere
>spaghetti everywhere
>smack her in the face
>"what the fuck?!"
>she never talked to be again
>still a virgin
pic related she looks like this
>first week of grade 7
>put head down and try to sleep in math
>all is going well
>everything gets quiet
>hear teacher say "lets see how long it takes"
>did not compute right away
>30 seconds later lift my head and everyone starts laughing
>laugh it off but embarrassed as fuck
>don't give a fuck and end up fucking three blondes that year.

then I always harassed betas and still do... fucking fags

>be me
>5th grade or something
>thought it was a cool idea to put shit on the stalls in the girll's bathroom
> the shit emphasised on how shitty our school was saying "school" as a way of saying shitty school
>well people find out
> my bf at the time says im crazy and breaks up with me
>MFW I kick his ass
> I get caught
>cause a shitstorm and leave the school
I don't want to believe.
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wtf did i just read.
>Standing in line for ride at the fair
>average girl starts talking to me
>"You're really cute"
>Thank you
>look away awkwardly
>didn't want to tell her i wasn't interested
>6th grade
>gym class of about 60 kids
>we have to walk around basketball court for exercise
>in the courts are low nets for badminton
>they were maybe 3-4 feet high, not raised yet
>while walking around courts, friends and I are pretending to be warriors from different time periods, some fictional
>im a sniper
>other friend is Spartan with a sword
>another has a bow and arrow, says he is Legolas
>Legolas is killing everyone
>we see each other from across the court, the nets are separating us
>I charge him to go for the up-close no-scope
>he draws his imaginary bow from his imaginary quiver
>he puts the arrow against the bow and pulls it back
>I'm running across the court
>the gym teacher yells at me
>everyone in the gym looks at me charging with my imaginary gun
>friend shoots the arrow as I attempt to jump over the net
>the arrow hits me
>I clip my foot on the net
>fall flat on my face
>life is ruined
I don't have any autist stories but i can tell you a time i went full on edge.

>in grade 11
>years 2003
>was a filthy punk kid
>so one day chilling with the dirty crusty punk kids smoking cigarettes
>the school cop comes up
>"you guys aren't allowed to smoke here, put out the cigarettes"
>wanted to show everyone i was more punk than them
>look at the cop
>call him a pig
>spit on him and flick my light butt at his chest
>try to walk away like in the movies
>get dragged to ground
>taken to station
>charged with assault on an officer
holy fuck there hasn't been a good thread like this in a while
>be 9th grade
>cute girl just broke up with long term bf(6 months is long term for that age)
>white knight the fuck out of her
>shes in my class so theres contact each day
>feelings develop
>she lives like 5 minute bike ride from house
>one night she tells to come sleep over because her mom isnt home for the weekend
>her dad is at corner bar
>say i cant because its too dark out to ride my bike
eyy b0ss
>summer camp
>get made fun of a lot
>mom asks why I'm depressed
>tell her
>she says next time it happens I should tell them to 'shove it'.
>have no idea what that means, but k
>next day
>I do, weakly
>"What was that anon?"
>"I said shove it!"
>sent to the headmaster
>was in camp equivalent of detention the rest of the day
>no one believed me when I said mom told me to
Fuck you mom.
<be me
<be old fag
<Alzheimer caught up to me
<4 got how to greenest
True. They were probably just fucking with him
>Grade 4
>In PE
>Doing pull ups
>get the highest in class and kept going (18)
>18th rep I pull up with all of my might and accidentally fart
>get ridiculed for being fat and gay for that moment all the way into 8th grade
>Move to different town and different highschool
>mfw I'm a collegiate football player now
>mfw I have no face
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>grade 3
>right before lunch time
>in class
>really need to piss
>ask teacher if i can go to the bathroom
>she says no
>piss my pants
>bell rings
>im sitting at desk
>a few people still in class
>teacher asks me why am i not getting out
>you wouldnt let me go to the toiler
>she looks down
>"next time say it's an emergency"
>go to lost and found and grab pants
>mum comes to school and has a talk with the teacher
>i go home early
>mfw new pants
>hey we all have big feet sometimes

holy shit why did i laugh so hard at that
Should've chased em after they said that shit. He's a runner, after all. Give em a punch or two.
just girls being girls
It's the bullshit like this with our education system.

"that's sexual harassment!"

The fucking kids have no idea what's going on, just let them have their fun. I got kissed by a girl in kindergarten and I didn't think anything of it, and some bitch mom got her panties in a bunch.

Bitch I was 5

McClane's mom has got it goin' on.
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Fuck it, here's one that's not too old like the rest of these seem to be.

>be 21
>in uni
>crush on girl
>she has BF, so I'll respect boundaries
>go to bar with her and a few guy "friends" (acquaintances from class)
>drink to relax
>get to talkin with her
>she tells me she loves one of the guys there
>get flustered
>get drunk
>give him a talking to about treating her right
>get drunker
>karaoke with her
>do shots with 150 proof liquor
>take off shirt
>realize how spaghetti I'm being
>sit in car for a bit, try to sober up
>she calls
>I forgot to tab out, card's still with bartender
>get card
>drive home, miraculously alive
>confess love for her to roommate

It feels good to laugh at my own stupidity and sperginess.
>second grade
>find cool looking piece of mulch on playground
>kid in my grade comes up and takes it from me
>bite the motherfucker in the leg
>sit in office during recess for next week

Would do the same thing all over again, fuck that kid.
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True autist/10
Remembered another one.

>Grade 6
>Really interested in this one girl, Sarah, just joined our class
>To this day one of the best looking girls I've ever met, honest to god 11/10
>Attempt to be her whiteknight all year
>Hold doors, offer my coat during the winter, all that shit
>Seemed nice enough about it but never said anything indicating she was interested
>Never told her that I liked her because other popular kids said I couldn't and I had shitty self-esteem
>End of the year rolls around
>Family's rich and lives way out in the country, always has an end of the year pool party with her classmates
>Finally get up the courage to tell her I'd like to hang out with her more, maybe chill at the pool party
>"Sure Anon, sounds like a plan"
>Sounds legitimately happy about this idea
>Get legitimately excited, rehearse shitty lines to try and woo her
>Only one in my class not given her address
>Next year she acted like nothing happened
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>1st grade
>class time
>be king joke, always tell jokes and make classmates lol
>teacher takes a phone call and says "hold on guys"
>nows my chance
>i say "with what?"
>she gets mad
>i get a red card and she makes me eat lunch alone
>i cry the whole time while drinking cranberry juice
>choke on the juice and spit it out all over myself
>continue crying
And that's why I have trust issues
Fuck yeah
>be me, 9th grade
>older brother shows me how to make yourself pass out by hyperventilating
>show my friends how to do it at school the next day
>they show other people and it spreads throughout the entire year level
>everyone is making themselves pass out every recess break
>decide it'd be hilarious if a bunch of us lined up and made ourselves hyperventilate while trying to run
>get a bunch of my friends to join in
>we line up, hyperventilate, and try to run while we all start to pass out halfway through
>one of my friends didn't wake up straight away like you normally would
>start to freak out, think he might be dead
>teachers come running over and the PE teacher drives him to the hospital
>he was fine afterwards, but he didn't want to hang out with us anymore
>school assembly
>principal tells all students if they're caught hyperventilating, they'll be expelled
>teachers keep asking students who's responsible
>no one says anything
>mfw it was all me
>mfw I sent a kid to the hospital

Someone ended up recording it and put it youtube.
Enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RSR_LBxhlA
good art
where is the dead kid
hmm another bullying betas I guess.

>kid named Willie Nelson lel
>fucked up speach problem sounded like a 5 year old with his mouth full of drool
>has this weird massive calculator grab it
>go to bathroom
>me and friends smoked in bathroom
>melted the plastic
>stuck it to the roof
Guess he never found out
>has another one purple this time
>did same thing
>he never brought anything cool or flashy to school again
I bet he still had no pussy
are you autistic?
>don't give a fuck and end up fucking three blondes that year.

No you didn't.
>live in third world country
>be in middle school
>best friend is a chola (and tacky as fuck but that's already implied)
>middle school is right next to elementary school
>only thing keeping both institutions apart is a wall
>kids play on the other side of the wall
>for no reason me and some other friends start throwing rocks at the other side of the wall where little kids play
>children screaming and shit
>"hahaha oh boy"
>go back to class
>next day one of the teachers from the elementary school comes with six kids who got injured from what we did
>kids with bruises on their faces, one with a big black eye, all looked like they got their ass kicked
>me and the friends who did it stay silent
>teacher from my class starts implying that it was my best friend who did it cause chola
>everyone starts blaming her
>me and my friends reamain silent
>chola gets expelled from school and has to deal with the mother of 10+ children hating her guts and going to her house to start shit
>keep it in mind that its a third world country, if regular school is already shit, finding a school where they accept someone who got expelled from an already shit school is incredibly hard.
>chola friend spends a few weeks looking for new middle school
>she ends up in a reaaaaally shit one
>she finishes middle school but can't afford going to high school cause her dad goes "hurr durr we'll pay for your brother's high school but not yours cause you're dumb and you fucked up in middle school so we already know you're dumb and useless hurr durr you're a woman you don't need to go to high school"
>she ends up living with her parents and doing gang shit
>she gets knocked up by the time she's 16/17 years old
>her life is absolute utter shit
>i never told her that i was the reason why she got expelled and caused everything to go downhill

i'm sorry zaira. i'm not telling it ever to your face though lol
>be out riding my bike
>decide to stop and have a rest
>sitting on park bench axamining (admiring) rear hub and cassette
>bike path is behind me
>solo girl stops and asks "hey, are you ok?"
>say "yes i'm fine thanx. just having a bit of a rest"
>her: "oh, i thought you were pumping your tyres and i know that sometimes pumps don't work"
>"yes i'm fine thanx. just having a bit of a rest"
>smiling "well it's a warm day. i can understand"
>"yes i'm fine thanx. just having a bit of a rest"
>"ok, well i'll leave you to it"
>"yes i'm fine thanx. just having a bit of a rest"

dat nervous autism. oppertunity for sexual expoits aborted.
>"yes i'm fine thanx. just having a bit of a rest"
I don't watch My Little Pony despite being a huge fan of Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends solely because of the fanbase and fear of being associated with them. Feels bad man.
I shit you not, the few times I saw him in high school after that he always talking about how he was saving up money to visit Japan and how much he wanted to marry a Japanese girl.
fun life you have
Around the 1:08 mark
What was the Colombia military like
no I was just fucked up kid
>be last week on call with a potential client
>time to say goodbye
>"cya later babe love you"
>"alright man love you too"
He ended up choosing us
> be me in 3rd grade math class
> scared of math
> called up to the board to answer a division problem
> seems easy, I put answer up, try to go sit
> teacher stops me and tells me to do long division and show the class how I got the answer
> I sweat, nervous over 9000, go into a daze
> she calls my name
> I don't even remember what my name was
> nervous
Where the fuck are you from.

Chewing on surf wax? You are a total autist. All those people got you to chew wax
I did man. my school was almost 70% brown and asian. at that time browns and asians were not attractive at all. the white girls got around.
>columbian military school
further explanation required
I dunno man maybe you should try it. I did a quick google search and apparently I wasnt the only one.
Gotta love Dave Mcclane's mom
>harrassing girls
shit i knew femminism was fucking crazy but now with little kids? nigguh...
> be me
> just started 3rd grade
> had to piss for an hour
> whatever, end of day, home soon
> lined up in cafeteria waiting for our buses
> get in fight with a kid
> teacher makes me sit in back of cafeteria
> wait for her to come back
> my bus arrives, my line gets on bus
> no teacher anywhere
> lines of kids leaving over the next hour
> cafeteria empty
> piss pants
> wrap wind-breaker around to hide
> teacher comes
> I was supposed to rejoin line when bus arrived
> calls my mom to pick me up
> drive home reeking of piss
> mom confused as fuck

The kid I got in a fight with along with a couple of other dirtbags set my locker on fire when I was a freshman in high school and fucked with me in other ways.

I found out recently he died of a heroin overdose. Good riddance, piece of shit. No remorse.
Back in my day, this shit wasn't called autism. It was called 'not being an uncreative fuck', also known as imagination. Me and three friends would pretend to be Pokemon and trainers. I was often a Charmander (apparently the mascot for autists, whatever) and we'd take turns using moves, acting them out and having a fun time.

This was back before the world was fucking chained to a wall by a power cord. We had fun then. Nothing autistic about pretending to be something you're not. You faggots do it all the time when you watch a porn video or someone knocking out a nigger.

Shame on you, you fucks.

I feel you man. Same here.
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