Well /b/, It's that time again..

one time i pooped my butt and weewee my benis

I stripped naked outdoors by an elementary school, peed on the concrete and licked it up.

>>578756675
my single mom came home from work one time and asked me to make cookies

i didnt want to make cookies

she said fuck you, make cookies anyway and left to take a shower

oh i made those fucking cookies and jizzed in the batter, mixed in that sweet sticky secret semen ingredient

mom and sister aint all the cookies

i didnt have a one because im not fucked up enough to eat my own cum, just feed it to other people closely related to me.

>they said they're the best cookes they ever had

>still talk about them to this day

might open up a bakery

Lurk /b/ and occasionally enjoy looking at traps... Only the ones that actually look like girls.

i fuck my girlfriends grandmother (shes 55 and hot)

>>578757148
>mom and sister aint all the cookies
>aint all the cookies
>aint

>>578757301
post pix

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>>578756880
Brutal..

>>578756675
I locked myself in chastity

>inb4 gay faggot
Well duh, doing this makes me a faggot you don't need to tell me.

>>578756675
>le 7 year old me
>making pranks
>everybody in the town hated me
>still prankin because i feel alone
>sadface.jpg
>went to school
>liked a girl
>she liked the popular guy
>i hated the popular guy
>suddenly they became my friends
>fight in the school
>I have a demon inside me
>I can control Chakra

>>578757434
im not that dumb lol

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>>578756675
I never seed torrents

>>578756675
I used my moms dildos once
well a couple times actually

I let my dog lick my asshole on multiple occasions when I was just starting to go through puberty

>>578757909
youre a monster

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>>578757909
well, that's enough 4chan for tonight.

fucking degenerate

>>578758063
i used my parents legit back massager on my dick before. feels good to be honest

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>>578757909
I never do either.

>>578758063
same here.

>>578758063
i already told your mom. check your fb. ;)

Ome time at school I fell on my face and was bleeding. I was perfectly fine. I faked I was injured and left in an ambulance.

I stay naked pretty much all day and never wear underwear. My parents let us run around naked as kids. We lived out in the woods basically so no neighbors would see us. My sister grew out of it, but I didn't.

I was once at a teacher's house during high school and stole a 4GB flash drive from his house. It had pictures of some sort of family reunion on it, I put the pictures in some folder and forgot where I put them. I still have them on this computer and don't know where they are.

I stole 2 computer mice from my high school.
Numerous times I would sneak into the staff room and eat some food out of the fridge.

I once masturbated with my mom in the room and once at my seat in high school. Came both times.

Only things I could think of, as you can see I lead a very dangerous life.

i fucked my cat and it died lol

I drink a lot of beer so I'm always pissing in cups while I'm in my car. Multiple times per day. And when I pour my piss cup out, it always splashes on the car next to me and I don't give a fuck.

>>578757628
>le

go fuck yourself cancerous faggot

Grab my best friend boobs while she was drunk in a party
Her boyfriend let me

>>578759613
this is so god damn beta

i fucked a blue stuffed elephant while watching porn when i was 13 .. i bust that shit wide open

>>578759613

so beta

Took advantage of my neighbors daughter while she was doped up on pills.

Also blackmailed my drug dealer into letting me use his pregnant gf as a cum dumpster.

i tell girls around my neighborhood to lift their skirts up for me

the younger girls never seem to mind and encourage their friends to do it with them

I've walked up to really excited girls and pulled their panties to the side a couple of times. Slid my thumb up and down their smooth slightly wet (with urine) slits

Last time I did this was about 2 months ago

>yfw all the parents with kids keep moving out of my apartments and I'm usually left with no neighbors or girls for months at a time

>>578760060
so is it the boyfriend thats beta or anon?

I used a glory hole unprotected at the gym. Didn't get STD but still.

>am grill
>inb4 inb4

>>578756675
>Be me a few days at the office.
>go to take a shit at the bathroom.
>End the shit.
>Wipe my ass and throw the paper to the toilet.
>Flush
>Most of my shit and the paper goes away.
>one turd of a medium size continue to come back.
>Some coworkers see me go in the bathroom, i can't let the shit in the toilet.
>take some paper and get the turd.
>roll more paper around the turd and throw it to the trash can.
>The bathroom smells like shit for a few days, no one knows why.

>>578760279
definitely anon

>her bf let me

He was granted permission to touch another guys property. he had to get permission from another man to feel his first boob. unless it's her father, it's beta

Have sex with a 14 year old.

>>578760392
This made me laugh so fucking hard thank you anon

>>578760336
greentext it cuz i dont believe u

I only befriend vulnerable girls and help them overcome hardships just to fuck them. I've fucked 5 girls that this and entered a relationship in one..just to fuck them. I'm a disgusting human being.

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>be me
>just got the new smash
>hypeasfuck
>been playing it for days on end
>little brother finds sudden interest in smash
>wat
>starts watching me play and keeps asking to play
>i keep telling him no
>starts throwing a big tantrum
>okok just dont break it
>i go to take a piss and reenter bedroom
>ohfuck.jpeg
>3dsxl is covered in cheetos
>he immediately drops it on the floor
>even more rage fills my body
>i use all the anger in my body to yell
>"I CAST THE BOWEL DEMON ON YOU!!"
>he asks laughing "whats that?"
>"every morning youre going to shit for the rest of your pathetic life"
>thinks im joking, walking out the room thinking its okay
>itsjustthebeggining.png
>10 pm i walk to the bathroom and shit in a plastic bag
>toss it in the freezer and wait 5 hours
>open freezer to see shit has frozen
>SUCCESS!
>grabbing the shit i walk to my little brothers room
>i insert the shit in his bum whilst hes asleep
>i doze off and forget about the whole thing
>i wake up to the toilet flushing (im a light sleeper)
>did it work?
>begin with procedure ever week for about a month and a half
>lil bro tells my mum and he visits the doctor
>i sit silent waiting to see how this goes
>mum gets home and says the doctor couldnt find any disease
>says theyll do weekly checkups
>another month passes and no clear explanation as to what he has
>start giving him antibiotics to stop the shit
>been a year still shitting and trying to figure this shit out (pun intended)
>i created my own disease
>then it hit me
>ive been shitting every night for a year
>i am the one with the bowel curse
>i am the bowel demon

>>578760734

Oops. I thought the thread was things you WOULD do.

>>578760758
Its the most /b/ thing i do in my life, maybe now im a real /b/tard.

>>578760520
>unless it's her father, it's beta
if it's her father, it's even more beta.

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>>578760887
no you're not bro. you're alpha. you are presented with opportunities and you seize them, rip their fucking pants off and fuck them.

you're a king of kings. keep on keeping on brotha

>>578760392
why wouldnt you flush again?

>>578761105
i was implying she was some sort of mormon with her dad being the keeper of the keys to her chastity belt. them mormon chicks are hawt bruh

>>578761248
I flush a few times, it was a floter shit or something.

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i'm gonna make this short, this is oc

>roughly 12 years old
>friend steal his dads torch and we go burning shit
>we come across a dried up farm field and start burning the trash on the ground
>we continue to walk and smell burning
>we look behind us and realize within seconds alot of the field is on fire
>me and my buddy book it to his shitty little electro scooter that can barely hold 2 people
>shit goes like 25/hr if you're lucky
>get home and my parents ask me why i smell like gasoline i say its because i was at a bbq and i spilt some on my shorts
>mfw the news comes on and turns out a homeless man and his dog were burnt alive while resting in a nearby field
>mfw me and my buddy killed someone
>mfw we never even mentioned it to eachother next time we spoke as if nothing happened

>>578760887
more details please.
any kinda hardships you like in particular?
do you wait for them to come to you? demeaning sex too or just nice guy shit

>>578760954
wat

>>578760954
tippy-top lel

Ai threw puppy of a two story balcony when I was around 3-4 years old, hate myself for it I got hit hard after that, I deserved it

>>578756675
I take pictures of you naked while you sleep.

>>578760961
ive done that before

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>>578757909

>>578760954
Im saving this shit, its great.

I tried to make ny ventriloquest dummy blow me

It wouldnt fit

>>578761181
But is it worth it? I'm nothing but a lie to them since the very start. All my motives. Every hint of advice. All daisy chained to the opportunity of my getting my dick wet. It works but to what cost anon? These poor woman. They suffer, I come to them, they believe me, they believe I want to help them. They believe I'm their friend. They believe I want nothing more, but to see them smile and overcome their insecurities. But I'm not any better compared to the relationships they were in. I'm just wearing a convincing mask.

Anon, to when does a man say enough is enough?
When does he realize that the tunnel he has dug himself is too grand to cover?
Anon what have I done?
I am a terrible person..

To Jessica, Lilliana, Daphnea, Ci-yean, & Mikhaela. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.

I will end it tonight.

Tonight will be my resting place.

My resting place in hell.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.. Anon.

>be smoking with friends at friends house
>4am, lady friend (who has a boyfriend across the country) and I are the only ones left.
>told me I could sleep in my underwear
>laid in bed, she laid next to me
>grabbed my arms and put them around her
>wrapped her legs around me
>her vagoo was over 9000 degrees (I felt it on my leg)
>we switch positions
>she turns around and puts ass right on my dick
>I pull back
>she pushes a little more
>so I let my boner stay against her
>sleep in those potions all night

Was she trying to get me to fuck her? What

>>578760189
So basically you're a rapist that can't get laid unless you force yourself on a woman

>>578762968
Yes, idiot.

>>578762675
nah see you're looking at it all wrong brah,

you're harvesting their trust when they are most barren of it, when it needs to be cultivated. you grow this bond of trust and as soon as you harvest it you cut it down and leave the land to rot.

you are their savior, they themselves can build up de-fences against other trust harvesters. the next one to sow this rotten, destroyed land will have to work hard, care for her trust and love it daily until it grows until the most beautiful crop ever seen on that land. she will thank you for destroying her and opening the pathway to the one who will save her from herself.

>>578756675
i dildo myself

>>578757909
YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH

I was paid $100 bucks to find a crackhead who stole a cellphone and smashed his head against a parking meter.

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>>578762968
Do not pass go
Do not collect 200 dollars
Go straight to jail.

...Because obviously youre a fag.
Pic related

>>578761181
>>578760887
Actually he is a beta faggot that has to lie and scheme just to get laid, and you must be a virgin.

Im obsessed over my aunt in law, jacked n00ds and vids from her comp and jerk to her daily. She dosent know.....

I show naked pictures of my wife to a 66 year old army vet that lives in my building. I, on multiple occasions, have let him watch us fuck using the webcam on my laptop without my wife having the slightest clue.

>>578756675
kill a lot of people :/

>>578760189
drug dealer story plz

>>578758854
Have you banged your sister yet?

>>578763752
I concur. Beta. Alphas dont put in that much time or work

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>>578760954

>>578758879
Why not just search C:\ for "*.jpg" or "*.png?"

>>578763752
not at all actually. he's an opportunistic. would you cast such disgust on an advantageous businessman? no you would not.

i pee in the sink every time, home, work, public. saving the erf.

>>578764157
I would if the businessman spends a week or more just to make an extra $100
then he is just shitty as his job

>>578756675
stabbed my pubic region with a knife for stimulation

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I've been posting on 4chan for 3 years and I just turned 15. Yup, never got the b8, nobody ever knew until now. LOL git REKT.

>>578763848
Do you do it to be a bro or do you get off on it?

>>578757432
>meme arrows

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Probably knowing this guy.
Pic 100% related.
Oh, the fucking stories....

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>>578764538

Deleted my entire porn collection, 120GB collected over the past four years, when my girlfriend asked to borrow my laptop

>betafuck/5

Anybody know about any good file recovery softwares?

>>578756675
I manipulated my friends brother into getting himself locked up in prison. I've done this twice.

>>578758738
joke's on you I don't even have her friended

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>>578764538
MODS

>>578764863
Not bait at all. I can't believe how easy it was to get away with this shit! Yup, and I'm still posting here. It's fun, honestly. The gore threads were fucking awesome, so fucking metal /b/ro. But who cares if I'm a little young, that rule is just bullcrap anyway.

>>578765034
Recuva
But don't get your hopes up, for some reason Windows like to write over files right as they're deleted

>Be 8 years old
>Have a moderately rich friend that i play with
>"Can i go to the bathroom?"
>"Sure its the one on the left"
>Go up stair and go to the right
>See a big toilet
>Take a massive shit in it
>Wheres the flush tho?
>Desperatly took for the flush lever for 10 minutes
>Go downstairs and cry
>"Whats wrong anon?"
>"No flush!"
>lead his mom to the "bathroom"
>it was a hot tub all along

I live with a few roommates.
I cum on everything in the house.
That's all.

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>>578764538
This is literally 80 percent of /b/

>>578765179
Why?
Just to be a piece of shit?

>>578757909
What kind of loser does
I dont owe the theives anything

>>578760235

How old are you and how old are these girls? If they are like 20 I am intrigued as to why the fuck they do it. If younger.... welll.... ooook then buddy.

>>578761909
An hero anon

I used to steal from my moms purse to buy drugs

>>578765960
>throws dog two stories
>an hero
>2edgy4me
fucking faggot. he's not a hero. he's a fucking piece of shit loser and probably a sociopath.

>>578764557


Little bit of both. He once made an "off color" comment about my wife and how he loves chubby spanish girls and all this other shit. At first I was pissed off and thought about beating the fuck out of the guy, but over the next few months I got to talk to him on a few occasions. One time he came over my place when my wife was out of town to have a few beers and smoke some weed. One thing led to another, and eventually I showed him a video of me banging my wife. After that, I let him take a couple of her panties home. Since then, it's flourished into a strange secretive relationship where I come over couple days a week and show him new videos and pictures I took of her that he requested.

I know, it's fucking weird. But some people are just more sexually open than others I guess. Other than that shit, I'm a pretty normal fucking person. No one knows about this shit except me and the old dude.

>>578765432
This is cringey in and of itself
The lingo he uses... Ugh

>>578765179
sociopaths do not admit stuff like this. you would actually have to be insane.

I just whacked it to gay porn.

>>578766495
Take b8 much m8?

>>578766358
Interesting

>>578758854
lol what the fuck mate

>>578756675
I've been wearing a buttplug daily for the last 2 years. I do an enema when I wake up and it goes in right after. I wear it out with friends, under my work outfit, to the mall, when I'm home relaxing, when I'm sleeping, you get the idea. I'm sure I'm doing damage to my rectum but whatever I cant see any difference.

>>578766312
Shhh, faggot. I'm telling him to kill himself.

>>578762968

Some times I can't believe the beta I read here...

there are many things but among them all is that I like to have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

>>578766312
> being this new

>>578761909
damn dude. i have to say. the law sides with you. kinda fucked, but they dont consider you self aware or conscious until you are 4. which basically means you arent human until 4. think of the abortive loop holes you could find. but yea, you probably had memories but didnt know what you were doing. i just hope you arent a total piece of shit overall now that you can admit it

>>578756675
I groped a sleeping girl when I was 15 in a school bus and even touched her vagoo

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After a drinking night on the drive back home this girlfriend i really liked at the time
>fell asleep in my lap
>i pretended to as well , so my head would hang over her booty
>fucking kissed her butt, sniffd it and caressd her pussy a little
>she was wearing light leggings so it was beautiful.
Neither the guy who was driving nor my other friends who were there noticed.
Pic Kiiiinda looks like her , kinda

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Believable, that sucks though, but kids do stupid shit all the time. At least you didn't do it intentionally, there's been some pretty whacked out kids I've known over the years that have done some pretty messed up stuff.

You kind of forget about it after a while, you never see them again after middle school and it seems as if it were a dream. Then they add you on facebook 19 years later and you realize that the kid that you watched rape his little brother in front of you was real.

>>578767238
>touched her vagoo
what'd it feel like?

>>578761105
hah pretty good.

>>578761951
me too..and I was 19

>>578762968
Had this experience with 2 girls at a hotel room back in Feburary. Problem is, one was a 5/6 and the other would be a 6 if it wasn't for the 40,000 stretch marks on her stomach from teen pregnancy. fucking lord it's so gross.

>>578767383
>inb4 bag of sand

>>578766828
But... why...?

Jerked off on my grandma's cat

>>578767575
>40,000 stretch marks on her stomach from teen pregnancy
that's my fetish tho

>>578767663
I don't know anon but at this point it's a habit.

i fucked my male cousin

>>578767383
Soft, she wakes up when I just finished

>>578763754
pics faggot

>>578765573
made me laugh. now i hope it to be true.

>>578767857
I fuckin kek'd

>>578767331
>the kid that you watched rape his little brother in front of you was real.

story time?

>>578763492
damn anon

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>>578768019

I came on a bird and posted it on /b/

>>578760954
7/10 would read again

>>578768484
ew fuck dude shes fat af

>>578768484
Dude she is gross

>>578763754
Pics?

>>578763492
We're u paid before or after the fact

I printed out a picture of my friends girlfriend and masturbated on it, she's a cute red head.

I sniffed my moms panties

I sometimes fap to people fapping on figures

>>578768924
>>578768484

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>>578760954
mfw

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>>578768614
>>578768775
meh, she isint that bad, the tits and the ass balance it. to each their own :/

>>578757301
Pics

>>578768484
> Ford Racing
Poor mans gt for ps1

>>578769312
whatever you say bro

>>578769312
>the tits and the ass balance it.
>balance it.
>it
what? her gravitational field?

>>578769479
kek

>>578760954
>new smash
>been a year

sure your story is faggot shit, but at least have it be factually correct

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>>578769479

>>578767887
What got you started with it?

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>>578768484

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>>578769479

>>578769704
What planet are you living on? It came out like a month ago.

>>578756675
If I ever see my mother again I will kill her.

I just stole some hydros from my grandma because I've been going through oxy withdrawals and I'm fucking tired of not sleeping. She is kinda losing her memory but I don't really feel bad... Being an addict fucking sucks.

>>578769312
Any pussy or ass..

>>578770041
so it's not just the faggot who wrote it who's the retard here, but you as well?

for fucks sake, he says he got the new game and then now that it's "been a year" his "bowel demon" bullshit is still going on. It's not been a fucking year since smash 4 came out, dipshit.

>>578767331
Did you accept his friend request?

>>578769312
Her tits might be the worst part, maybe

>>578770334
>not posting from the future
>2015

Plot 9/11 a few years back.

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>>578770317
Terrible lighting and cryptid style blur GET!

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>>578770583

>>578770561
back to leddit, fag.

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>>578770583

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>>578770583

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>>578769312
"To each,
HURRRRRRRRR--"

>>578770583
She gets more revolting as you keep posting

>>578758586
first time i jizzed i did that

>>578770583
do want moar op
vids pls

I banged a close friends 13 year old daughter twice at a new year's party

It was great

Amazing

Would never do it again without protection. Spent a month so worried she'd be pregnant
I almost had to go to a doctor for anxiety.


Also, the worst head I've ever head. If she hadn't be hot as fuck and naked I'd never have came.

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Fucked the ever-living shit out of my roommates peanut butter. Of course I came in it in a jiffy.

>>578756675
i once gave my friend a "free copy" of windows 7 ultimate which was a virus that ddosed fbi.gov he got in trouble but not took to jail

I have fucked 8 black girls
My family is openly racist
>So am I

>>578770583

I'd hit it.

>>578756675
>Play MMO
>Watch Anime & hentai
>Browse /b/

Basically I know how not to let the /b/ show in public. I hope.

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>>578770912
Fucking lol'd pic unrelated

>>578756675

I spend all of extra money on prostitutes because I can't pick up girls. I bang a different one almost every week and I never get tested for STDs.

>>578760392
thank you for that laugh anon

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>>578771080
Gotta find the vid, i posted it someware. brb
3 spooky 5 me

>>578757628
ichigo?

>>578771695
easily more attractive as zombie/swamp man/frakenstein monster

i wanna slap that titty as hard as i can

>>578771114

I wish I could fuck her now

She's 18, and just hot as fuck

Her boobs are also 10 times as big, I'm tempted to give it a shot

Hmmm..I'll post results if I get any

Sometimes I talk to myself about my lifes problems while pretending to be someone else. I also cry some times when no one is around to see me do it.

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>>578766312
Not sure of b8 or newfag

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>be 4 years ago
>be at friends house
>play video games
>he goes to bed
>stay up
>now the fun begins
>I find his cats
>chase them around the house
>grab them and smash/grind their face into the carpet
>throw them all over
>they shit themselves out of fear
>make them eat the evidence
>put both of them in a play-mate cooler
>throw them the fuck down the stairs
>choke one so hard it nearly dies
>when it comes to it did that weird hind leg walk
>runs into wall over and over
>friend comes out and starts laughing
>"My cat is so weird"
>mfw never got caught

And I did this almost every time I went over. Good times, man.

>>578772517
>I also cry some times when no one is around to see me do it.
God sees it and he's disgusted by it.

>>578770334
go ahead and reread it, dipshit.

>>578767330
sauce on the girl pleae

>>578764538
i only just turned 19 i've been posting since i was like 16

>>578771538
Do you use protection? Do you kiss them/eat them out?