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This is a thread for the anons who stay up...
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 127
Thread images: 79
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This is a thread for the anons who stay up late and promise to be motivated in the morning but cant find it in themselves.
Or, failing that to chat about what ails you
I will give advice as well as I am able
Only you can change you
Let us be a sounding board for eachother
For example, myself, I love to help others but rarely can I help myself, I'm too indifferent, I have no goals, nothing to strive for and it pains me because I know I can achieve if I apply myself.
How does one find themselves if everything is subjective?
I will continue posting "motivational" wallpaper in the meantime
I will also use my throwaway skype
mattrempel1 should you want to chat
Currently watching a documentary of the rise and fall of the roman empire
Currently listening to:
Come, get some inspiration, improve yourself, no one else can do it for you
I lost my confidence.

My knock knee condition has led to an inferiority complex. I was able to live life fine until co-workers pointed out my legs.

"Does your knee hurt?"

"Your knee is not right."

Then, I remembered all the other people who asked about my knees since I was a boy. My teacher in college, my P.E. teacher in seventh grade, etc.

I know I shouldn't be sensitive, but I can't stop the punches.

I quit.

Psychologically, I am ruined, much like a traumatized dog.

In 2012 and 2013, I used to go running outside, ride my bike, play basketball, go to the gym.

Those days are behind me. I don't have confidence anymore. I'm always -- and I mean ALWAYS -- thinking about my deformity... even in the confines of my bedroom.

I used to have confidence until people shot me down. I'm like a boxer who took too many blows. Never the same.
i have a shit ton of homework to to. but see it all and get overwhelmed, and just go fuck_it.jpg and try to push it from my mind
Sharing interesting links as well
>I used to have confidence until people shot me down. I'm like a boxer who took too many blows. Never the same.
There is a way to get over this sure fired, ayahausca or dmt, psychadelic drug trips, evolutionary reactionary experience of self propagated forward unto the infinite. Every problem has a correct solution/answer.
Ah, anon, I feel you, if tangentially, I was bullied pretty harshly throughout my schooling years.
It's a pain that never really heals
But you have to rise beyond that
And I KNOW its hard, if not almost impossible
But you have to live life for yourself, and only for yourself
So what your legs are fucked somehow?
What does that prevent you from doing?
You have to realize that people are assholes, it's the nature of society to shun those who are different, but does your mind still work? Of course it does!
You, and only you, choose how you live, fuck everyone else, they, in the grand scheme of things, are not important to how you live
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A brain damaged football player said,

"The things we do to each other..."

Humans ruined me. I lost my confidence, my self-belief, the very thing that fueled self-improvement.

Sadly, now my anxiety has worsened and I am noticing the early signs of depression.

Don't let them take your soul like I did. Fight back till the bitter end. Stand up for yourself no matter what.
Escapism anon
Do not let it control you, yes, it is fun and yes you can avoid your responsibilities, but what do you do then?
Obviously you are unhappy that you can't get motivated, why is this?
See? There is a part of you that strives for something more, you must find out what that is.
Only you can do that, but we can help, infact as fellow humans, it is our duty to try.
Psychadelics are always an enlightening experience, thanks for joining us.
Just remember kids, don't end up a hippy.
Drug questions. Shrooms don't have any negative health effects right? I realize that you will be under an influence and more likely to do stupid stuff, but will it fuck up my body like meth or something of the sort?
You see that though?
You posses a level of self awareness, that in itself means you have hope!
Enough with the analogies, don't compare your problems to others, embrace them.
It will not have a negative influence on your body, the only thing that might happen is a "negative" influence on your mind, should you use it too often and in too high a dose
Shrooms (psychadelic ones) are a poison to the human body, that's what causes the effects, but with moderate usage will not do any permanent harm.
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Don't leave us anon, you are not beyond self redemption.
If there's anyone in this world you can reliably open up to, it's strangers on the internet
I will not judge you or mock you, only try to help
tkanks man
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No problem anon. Should you want more imformation, I will be happy to oblige, ask away
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Continuing to dump in the hopes of finding someone who needs a helping hand
I consider it my civic duty
You never know, you or I could be the next catalyst for humanity, nurture all but do not force equality, for that is how humanity progresses
Okay. There's always more questions I suppose. So, I'm assuming that it will allow me to I guess feel the environment around me and allow deeper thinking. I also think it might help curb and maybe help with obsessions and compulsions-I have OCD-. Are these correct or naw/
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Some uplifting music for the anons
Why? Because I have nothing better to do

Whenever I'm walking in front of someone, I feel they are looking at my legs, causing my knees to feel like they want to buckle.

I'm ruined.

This used to never happened to me until people at work mentioned my knees to me. It's like WTF you think I don't know how I look? I just want to be left alone. My self-esteem is destroyed.
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>Stand up for yourself

we always could meet new people, meet bitches, assholes. i don't know most of them are just user.

meet then leave, meet then leave..

until i find the only person i love to be with.
might as well contribute some music
Well, I don't personally have OCD
But, based on my experiences, I believe it will help you
A mushroom trip, much like acid etc, is not something easily explained
It imparts a feeling of letting go, of just being, appreciating the intricacies of life but on a whole new level, once you come down, you will carry the experience for life, but it is not a burden, but a learning experience
You will learn about yourself mostly, and that is the most important part of the trip.
It's funny how it seems a daunting task to trip on mushrooms. Much like trying any other drug for the first time, the stigma attached is large, but if you are in a good state of mind, with friends you trust, in a controlled environement, it can only be beneficial to you.
If you are looking for advice on setting up your mushroom trip I would be glad to answer your questions
I think I understand more now. I'll think about what to do next. I think that letting go might be just what I need at the moment. Thanks for the advice man; I'm gonna go write an essay now.
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You see what happened there though?
Strangers don't mean as much when they criticize you, now co-workers, that's a different story, you feel a small amount more trust towards them and they let you down. Learn to never trust others anon. Except those who you KNOW are trustworthy, just because someone is nice to you, doesn't mean you can trust them.
Let that be a lesson learned, ultimately, that is the way society functions.
I don't know you anon, but I love you. You are not alone
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Thank you friend
All we have is ourselves
But, we can also find kindred spirits to ease our burden
I'll listen to it right now, thank you!
Good luck my friend, and remember, there will always be people out there like us, you just need to find them. You would do well to find any of your friends who have done mushrooms before and consult them. Should they try to explain the trip to you, stop them there and just ask how best to prepare and enjoy it. Godspeed
Reminder my skype is mattrempel1
Should anyone want to chat
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I will not give up for the time being, I know you are out there anon
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Continuing to dump wallpapers
Some more music
You remind me of myself OP, trying to help others while being a complete mess. Does it comfort you in some way?
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Wizardchan, knock kneed anon, are you still here?
It does, yes. Does it comfort you as well?
It makes me happy that despite what I may or may not have, mentally or physically, I have the capacity to help others. And I would like to do so in whatever capacity I can, it gives a sensation of moving forward even though I am not.
This will have been my first ever thread, perhaps I should do more in the future? Im unsure.
For me it's just a matter of pushing away my problems and focusing on others'. Same way some videogames work for me, just thinking about something else makes me feel better. Plus, its always good to see i'm not the only one that is not able to cope with it all.
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Perhaps I should elaborate, have you ever read Isaac Asimovs Foundation series?
In a way, I feel like Golan Trevize
The ability to make the right decision is forever mine, I endeavor to be the great mediator, the solid rock, the reliable and trustworthy, and yet I am a hopeless alcoholic mess who is rather selfish at times
Recommended reading for anyone with a wonder for the future and humanity in general
Are you me?

>8+ liters of hard alcohol a week
>it's killing me
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Haha, for sure, it's funny, you always underestimate the amount of people that are just like yourself but somehow you never connect
And, escapism is a terrible thing but also sometimes necessary
Anon, 90% of people on this earth cant cope with life, it's just that most people lie to themselves and tell themselves that they can.
And though it is a daunting task, even if I can help a few people, it's still worth it.
History never mentions the people behind the success (tangentially) because they are not noteworthy, however, you and I both know that people like that are the most important, we just don't worry about fame or fortune
I consume roughly $100-$200 in liquor a week
I'm a nightowl, I like it that way
I'm only doing it for lack of a better outlet though
And you, why do you drink friend?
Friendly reminder of my skype, should you want to chat
Because I'm addicted to it I suppose. And I fear the alcohol detox, I hear it's fucking terrible. I started drinking early, around 15 or so. I'm 34 abou to be 35 now. It's been a long time going for me.
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Remember kids, escapism is not the solution, though it is a temporary answer.
More music
Unfortunately i have not, but feel ya. I put on a mask of someone who is always in control but back home when im alone too often im just a sobbing child, luckily ive quit drinking (at least the alone- sad drinking) and it turned out good for me.
Yes but WHY are you addicted to it?
That's the trick right there
Detox can be done, but you have to want it, just like quitting anything. It can be achieved, but it needs to be replaced by something equally important, striving towards something that you want more than escaping
They are good reads, certain to put things in perspective, I highly recommend it.
Of course! The mask, it is useful.
That's the start anon...friend
Alcohol is an anchor, it is good in moderation, but in large doses, it keeps you docile, it destroys your dreams, it holds you back. You must fight the temptation to be a nobody and coast along.
You and I both know you can be somebody, but it's up to you to make it happen.
More bumping with classic music
The thread may be dying, I will bump once or twice more without response, any of you lurking, godspeed /b/rothers, may fortune smile upon you
and may you achieve a great many things, make humanity proud....
And may you remember me, not as someone important but as a force for useful change in your own lives, be the most you can be for we have only one life in which to be ourselves.
Thank you anons, I'm having a miserable day and this thread cheered me up. Just waiting to get home, keep the thread alive until then please.
Thing is im just really tired of all this pressure, dissapointment and feeling of helplessnes (not sure if its even a word). I've came up to a point where i think im no good and i can never do something right. I know its just typical depression shit, but its my shit so umm, yeah.
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i can dump a few wallpapers i guess
You are welcome, I was going to sign off, but this is more important, I will bump for you, how long might you be anon?
See, you're looking at it all wrong (I know, I know it's a crutch) but you must understand that those feelings are solely of your own construction.
I feel you anon and I'm right there with you, you MUST keep pushing forward, ever forward, stagnation is the enemy of happiness.
You need to mold the pressure and dissapointment and helplessness to your own desires, make it your bitch. Everyone feels that way sometimes, it's what we do with it that makes us who we are.
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Much appreciated.
However, what I'd like to impart on you is this: You can say you're depressed and whatever all you want but anon, I can only try and help you, you may leave this thread and never change anything, all I can do is try and push you along, it is all up to you, I will try and motivate you and help you as best I can, but it is you, and ONLY you that may push forward into the unknown and succeed.
You see what I'm saying? And I don't mean to patronize but you could have all the help in the world, hell I've been depressed a long time, I;ve had alot of friends fall by the wayside because they gave up on me.
Why did they do that? Because they can only push you so for, the rest is up to you. People will help you as much as they are able but damnit man you need to help yourself!
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I know that the only way to make me feel better is to move forward, do some progress and sometimes i turn all this around, make all those negative things motivate me, but then after some time i feel tired again and out of wind.
Too bad english is my second language, I already suck at talking about my feels and the inablity to speak english as well as i'd want to makes it worse. I guess you could add one more point to my psychoanalisys- never satisfied with myself.
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Watched my family's wealth crash as a child, foreclosure signs on our door every month
Vibes from most people psych me out despite my endless hunger, I'll add OP coz I could use an interesting anon talk
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Yes anon, small steps.
I've been having this problem myself, one day I'll cean my whole place, go and do all my errand and genereally be productive.
But the next day I just sit on my couch and get super drunk and lose my momentum.
It's an uphill battle to be sure, I know exactly that feel brother.
See, what I've figured is, it's a lack of will, motivation, you need a goal, you can self improve but it never gets far before falling into the old cycle, you've yet to find your "calling" as it were, I feel that so hard.
Your english is immaculate, don't worry about that.
I'm right there with you man.
mattrempel1 on skype should you so wish
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I know that its all up to me, always has been. What i'm saying is i just dont have the energy for it all, i jumped in to the deep waters trying to turn my life around and it turns out i dont swim as well as i thought. Maybe i just need some time, maybe thats just the way it is. Time will show. Thanks for the support though, sometimes its good to hear a few words of encouragement.
You sound like a sad little man anon. Remember, most women are whores, if they only care about how alpha someone is, they aren;t for you anyways.
However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for self improvement.
Stop being so beta, we are here to help and you are just pigeonholing yourself. Please anon
I'm sorry to hear that anon, what can I do for you?
I don't know exactly, but I'll be on my phone, so doesn't really matter.

I just want to say some of the things said in this thread are so beautiful I had to screenshot them. I might make a wallpaper with the quotes once I get home (could be a few hours) and post it in a new thread then.
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You're right, motivation is what i lack the most. Right now im just trying to improve myself hoping that it'll make me feel better but all in all its just living day to day.
Hahaha, no, it's funny, I did the exact same thing, I had an opportunity to move up in careers and I ruined it because I drank too much.
You will never have the energy for it if you dfont make the energy anon, same with the time.
You're welcome, godspeed brother, may you remember this when you are sucessful in your endeavors <3
Haha, I kinda came off as too beta. Tbh I'm nearly the guy in the pic but I just suck at initiating conversations. So.. I'm not entirely there yet. Ty though, appreciate the support <3.
Thank you anon, It warms my heart to know I'm helping, see you soon.
It will anon, self improvement starts small but blossoms into something large, keep at it, I believe in you.
Ah, well you can be as handsome as you like but you still need to be approachable.
ZGood luck my friend <3
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im going to get some breakfast, keep this alive
But how do I do this :(?
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Will do
More wallpapers
And music
I am supposed to be a successful 18 yo guy who managed to get into law university and should be happy about it.However,Im not.The uni is in a different town 1000 km away from home so basically I live on my own now.I have met new people and I go out a lot but I always have a feeling that something is missing..I find no reason to sleep or not to,attend my courses or not to..Hopefully I will become better when I return home for christmas in a month.
Like this
I can't exactly smile at random people.
Anon, you are just worried about the unknown, embrace it. Push forward, it will be comforting to return home, may you take new energy from it.

I have the same problem. I just can't motivate myself to do anything for my own sake. I used to work really hard for the sake of my girlfriend and getting to see her but she's gone now, so I'm just lost and really unmotivated. I think if you think about it you'll be able to come up with something that motivates you personally (like working for the sake of people close to me for me)


I do, as well, have problems, not talking but reading people and their reactions and feelings. I guess its something one has to learn. I really can't initiate a conversation either, but once its started in rather good at keeping it alive.


You truly are ^^
Ok OP, hopefully you're still here because I really need some help
I haven't gone to any of my classes in 3 weeks, and I don't know what to do. I didn't go before because of my social anxiety, ADD, and general lack of motivation. Now my doctor has doubled my dose of sertraline and prescribed me adderall, and I feel much better. However, I don't know what to do now, I'm afraid to go into class because I have nothing to show for the 3 weeks I've missed. I've missed also flat out missed a test, as well as multiple essay deadlines. I don't know what to tell my teachers, either. I've had this same problem in the past, and have been on academic probation fall quarter freshman year and winter quarter sophomore year, so I am in danger of being kicked out.
My parents are also paying for my tuition, yet have no knowledge about my academic probation. They think I'm doing fine. I feel terrible letting them down like this.
I have no idea what direction to go in, I feel like a complete failure. Please OP, I really need guidance.
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Smile at everyone
Make up the mask while you concentrate on what's beneath
>I do, as well, have problems, not talking but reading people and their reactions and feelings. I guess its something one has to learn. I really can't initiate a conversation either, but once its started in rather good at keeping it alive.

This man, how do we get past this. I've seen so many chances that I could've taken, but if I take them i'll just be awkward and not know what to start talking about.
Yes see, you're like me, you thrive on good conversation but you don't much mind how it starts but you enjoy guiding it.
Anon, I suggest you learn, that is the most important part of life (imo) being able to read others, work on it, it will reward you.
Anon, I'm afraid I don't know if I can help you here, skype me mattrempel1
I was in a similar situation, but alas I;ve been in this thread for awhile now, it would be much easier to communicate in person if you wished, if not I will try to answer you.
Ok, thank you. Is it ok if I Skype you right now?
So anons I decided to create an IRC channel if any of you wanna chat.
Ok look, like I said, you absolutely have to have some skill in reading emotions of others, otherwise you r conversations are not going to work out my friend. Focus on what has been said, think of how you can continue the conversation, and improve upon it.
Conversation is all about steering it in whatever direction pleases you.
It seems shallow but most conversations are. It takes practice
Also, sometimes you're just apathetic, thats why you dont want to use the conversation, I feel you, I usually let others talk before reaching a point I feel I can butt in and make myself known.
I'm sorry all if my responses aren't adequate. I am trying, I'm only one man, please be patient.
I'll add you as well, hope you don't mind
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Im in a similaar situation, just try to do something with your time, hit the gym, try meeting someone, anything. Boredom is the worst thing when you're away from home
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Yes, it is.
I'm afraid I will not be joining but go forth and support eachother, for we are all human
I will also add, that I've been steadily drinking so I apologize for that
I do not, help is everywhere and you should embrace it
Impose upon others as much as is possible, for that is the best way to improve yourself
No no I completely understand what you meant before, and thank you for your longer response it's much appreciated! I completely get it but.. it's just hard to aborsb you know, I need to know that trick where you walk up to someone and literally pull something out of the blue and talk about it, but my mind runs on waves of topics, 99% of them are things you wouldn't say to a random individual.
Thank you for taking up the mantle anon
We may better ourselves mostly through ourselves, however, as a collective we can achieve much more.
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are you me? my only little motivatien is just to do something productive with my life, actually change something for once instead of deluding myself
I'll just post this b4 I g2 sleep:
Your mind controls how you perceive everything, how everything is taken in, how you project urself.
If you want it, take it, don't be a cocky little shit, but literally mindfuck yourself into generating a more dominant state. Women notice it instinctively, but that isn't the point,
Why do you make gains at the gym?(if you go)
It's not for anyone else but for you. Everything you do is self interested, even selfless behavior is still committing to your self Interest to not be selfish.
Nurture, not nature, is why most poor people do not build themselves. The lazy stoner cultivated his environment. The asain foreign exchange student created his lavish but undisciplined lifestyle.

Look around at the people around you and contemplate how the end up where they are? This isn't some "how to alpha" bs. You are your own god. You create the experience.
Suffer the pain of discipline at training g your mind to be motivated, or suffer the pain of regret one year from now when you wake up feeling exactly how you are feeling today.
I think.. you may have just changed how I think about things. What the fuck man. Thank you.
See, you're problem is you care too much about other people, yes you should care about them, but ultimately, life is about numero uno
If you're not interested in the conversation you need not apply yourself
However, socializing is an important thing.
All you have to do is find a common interest, or topic of conversastion, it seems hard but it is quite simple.
Happy to be of service :)
I like you anon, you're one of the few good anon's out there.
Need Help:

For years and years ive been going to bed at 7am and waking up at 5pm I hardly ever see the sun. I have no job, Hate my self and an broke junkie.

wat do?
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That's all you need my friend.
Thank you for your input brother, it is much appreciated. Wise words
I'm going to wake up tomorrow become more active go outside more make more friends and become generally a better person.
Pretty much what I say to myself each day
Happy to help.
Mindset is key, whether in the gym, in the studio, in the classroom, in the bedroom etc
Thank you sir, and godspeed to you.
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I know right, but it's so hard, you just need to take small steps, one at a time, you'll make it, I believe in you.
i just can't bring myself to do it
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try focusing on one thing at a time
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for the past 6 months or so i should have been doing physical therapy to fix some things after my surgery. i did it consistently for the first month or so but stopped once i stopped going to my physical therapist. i have all the routines and equipment needed to keep doing it on my own but i'll do it once or twice then stop for a week or more. i don't know how to keep myself motivated. the fact that i can't get a job or really do anything isn't even enough to get me up off my ass
>Th.e Fap.pe.nning F.u.l.l Co.lle.ct.i.on
I was such a driven kid - best grades in the class, super disciplined, etc.
Now I can't even force myself to do homework, wake up in the morning, ger shit done, etc. Its like I've lost all control over my sense of will.
I know that feel man, I cant help you unless you be more specific.
I was exactly the same, but society has changed you dont have to be motivated to eek out a living anymore, if anything, now is the time of the self made man more than ever.
Don't try to do it all at once anon. Tell yourself that you'll clean your room / appartement / house tomorrow. Then the next day tell yourself you'll wake up earlier and have a proper breakfast, or take a shower or whatever. As many have stated, take it step by step.
I, as well as the others here, fully believe in you being able to do it. Hell, all of us can.
I want to get good grades, but as soon as I start trying to study I'm just like mehh don't feel like it and its really hard. I'm fucking 20
I've been in that exact position, and in a way am there even right now. I was motivated by my girlfriend, the thought of being with her and seeing her made me work really hard (we were long distance)
Just start from small things. I started by deciding ill only play one match in a videogame and then stop. It makes you feel a lot better when you realize you actually stopped after that round.
Best of luck random anon, I hope you manage it all well.
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suprised this thread is still on, guess there are plenty of ppl who want to talk
You're 20, you have your whole life ahead of you
Life is hard, but it's only hard if you make it hard.
You have to find something that means something to you.
There always are. People generally don't get to talk about serious stuff enough
I got a concussion about a year ago and it ended up making me fall into a crazy depression. I gained about 35 pounds which shattered my self confidence and made my social anxiety increase. It seriously fucked me. Whenever I try to be active I run out of energy in minutes and I had to leave my school cause it dumbed me up so I was failing all my courses. Been thinking about suicide cause I honestly cant see me getting much better any time soon.
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a little word from me, while it is good to have something or someone like that, if you get too attached you might get burned so try to keep your distance
First sep, lose that weight, small steps my friend, eat better, there are guides for this, just google it, stay away from sugars and non essential fats, eat protein and walk for gods sake!
Sorry, my advice is deteriorating, can someone step up and help me out here?
Im sorry anon, I've been drinking
Also my attention is divided
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I realize that there is nothing wrong with my life and i'm surrounded by friends but I still get crippling depression and loneliness, what's wrong with me, OP?
A man after my own soul
There's nothnig wrong with you
Well actually there is, but it's only you're own fault, you can be surrounded by all the support you could ever want, but if it doesn't suit you, then what good is it.
No, anon you need your find yourself
You have no direction, no drive, on paper you're barely alive.\
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good thing is to talk about it, ive always felt better after i talked to someone about my problems although it never was easy for me. About the self confidence, only solution i see is start working on yourself, try eating more healthy do an hour long walk every evening. Just start, it'll get easier with time
just dont go too hard on that liquor, for me it always made me think negative
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ah well, didn't really expect a response. nothing that i'm not used to. take care OP and other chill anons
Im really sorry anon, I got preoccupied with other anons :(
Dont take it hard
If you want you can skype me
Please feel free to help out giving advice in this thread, I will keep bumping
You just described me perfectly.
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Welcome anon. I hope you are well
Two of my friends and one family member died in the same month. This was 5 months ago. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and have been taking 100mg zoloft each day.

I feel more pain for the passing of those two friends. they were closer than family.

Dad died when I was 8, moved out of my moms house at 16. Don't speak to my mom or my older sister. Dont know their birthdays or nothing.

Those friends were I all had. Also filled with regret for being a shitty family member.

I am on the 6th week of a 10week college session. So there are only 4 more weeks left of class. I havent gone to campus for lecture or studied in the past 6 weeks.

I have a job offer. It's a very good job. The only contingency is I have to graduate in 4 weeks. I am taking difficult classes and havent done anything yet. Hard to get motivated when I wake up.
Are you me? I can give anyone advice, constantly go out of my way to help friends achieve their goals, romantic advice etc.

I have wasted many of my natural talents, settled in at a shitty job just because its easy and kinda safe, still havent gotten my bachelors and am in a difficult relationship. I know i can do better if i put my mind to it, and ive started to, but its so hard to find motivation when i dont see a future for myself.
We always need anons like you around here, bro. I hope to see more from you, and i might ne inspired to do the same one day.
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I'm sorry anon, I've been kicking around for some time now, I wish I could help you, I really do, but the hour is late for me.
I will leave you with a wallpaper
Never forget, there are those out there that feel as you do and love you like a brother, even if it's a stranger.
I am you, to the t.
I must go though, I am sorry, I tried to be the best OP but alas I failed
Godspeed my friends.
Will save skype for future reference.
I am truly sorry, I will try this again another day
Please do, we all need this.
I'm sorry to all the anons I couldn't help
It pains me
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Much appreciated, call on me anytime I'm online, I will do my best to alleviate you of your ailments
If anyone wants to take up the reins that would by ever somuch appreciated
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