Whats the drunkest you've ever been /b/?
>be a freshman in college
>rip 16 shots of admiral within an hour
>go outside for a cig
>need to yak, go behind a tree and puke 4 times for 30 mins
>friends take me back to my dorm
>take a shower, puke in the shower
>call campus police on myself to take me to the hospital
>dehydrated, need an IV
>BAC @ 0.390
doing college right
>Going to hospital for minor dehydration
I hope you are 'murrican so you had to pay to fix being thirsty.
>be me, 23 yo in small town
>Its friday, all my bros are occupied for the evening with various stuff
>see female friend early in the day while running errands
>"Yeah, Im going to a party at big robs tonight, you should come" she says
>dont want to show up alone and unknown
>she says shell call me when she gets there
>finish my errands - laundromat, grocery store, stop by to see my momma
>Get home, still no call
>Guess Ill just get ready
>Get cleaned/dressed up, still no call
>Playing GTA 4 and finishing 1/2 litres of Vladdy and Cpt. Morgan
>Still no call
>Vladdy is gone
>Shut the fuck up lil jacob no one can understand you
>stealing cars and shit
>Only a few shots left of Morgan
>drink litre bottle of vod with buddy before going out
>bout 10 mins after my last memory is going to shop to buy cigs
I was told this followed with slight flashbacks
>fall into bush, destroy buah, get covered in mud and shit
>friends tell me to stay home
>i demand to go
>in taxi to train station, driver notices i have kicked mud up everywhere, gets mad and kicks us out
>we run for train, group split into carriages
>we decide to go into same carriage as each at next stop
>I run, legs collapse and wipe out
>(This point i must have got back on a train as a friend from college had a video of me drinking some random milkshake on train by myself)
>i remember stumbling around city upon arrival
>Flashback of a bouncer telling me to fuck off and denying me to a club
>Make it to place friends are at
>denied by bouncer again
>decide to stay outside four bout 3-4 hours
>fight breaks out, i see my chance and run into club for last half hour
>friends are in creases at state of me
>taxi back to mates house some landwhale is with us, i keep giving her shit asking why shes there
>arrive at friends
>unsuccesfully roll a joint
>go to mates room, hes banging landwhale
>i laugh my tits off and leave
>approx 30 secs later, fatty leaves house and mate returns as i tell everyone there
>pass out sometime here
>wake up with one eyebrow due to mate gettin revenge for blabbin bout landwhale
>drink 19 oz of vodka, 2 hits acid and a quarter of weed
>threw up all my guts
>run around in park
>freak out everyone coming home from dance
>Go back home and jack it for 3 hrs straight before going to sleep
Most drunk I've been was Halloween night this year
>go to buddy's party
>more of a small get together of about 10 people
>I only know the one guy
>they're all friends
>drinks out on the table
>I've never drank before
>do 6 shots over a couple hours
>feel hardly any different
>he asks me if I'm okay
>he says "don't throw up or anything "
>feel nothing still
>he doesn't believe me
>play video games
>sleep on his couch
Best story ever, right?
>be me 16 years old
>at a birthday party
>no idea who the guy trowing the party is
>this dude lives next to a supermarket
>steal 20 bucks from his birthday money with a friend
>we both buy a bottle of jagermeister
>we both finish the bottle in about an hour
>i start having conversations with the guys parents and friends who i have no idea who they are.
>mid sentence i vomit in my mouth
>run outside and puke all over their buddha statue in the backyard
>parents kick me and my friend out
>decide that we should go home
>it took us 3 hours to get home
>usually it is a 30 minute walk
>try to open my front door with a stick i found while i was walking home
>my mom opens the door because she thougt people tried to break in .
>mom gets mad at me for being drunk
>finally go to bed
>the next morning i wake up and realise the shit i have done
>mfw i puked over a buddha
>mfw i lost my wallet
>mfw i lost my phone
not me but a friend
>be my friend, lets call him V
>V and I are in the same fraternity
>all day drinking holiday at college
>V pregames by railing lines of blow at 8am
>fast forward to 4pm and V is fucking liquored
>somehow still coherent
>at this point we're drinking outside with cops everywhere
>V decides its a great idea to chuck a beer bottle behind him and hits a cop car
>cops arrest V and take him to the hospital
>mfw when they need 4 attendants to restrain this motherfucker after giving him sedatives
>V is only 5'10 160lbs
>he blew a .44 and to this day still holds the house record for BAC
blackout drunk about nightly for a year, i kept it going throughout the day too, that was a longass bender, still held a job and everything, just did it buzzed enough to not sober up and start feeling shitty, then back to it when work was over
> be me
> drinking vodka all day
> go out to the beach
> continue drinking on a bench by the beach
> drunk as fuck
> stand up
> black out
> my legs give out
> fall and hit my head
> wake up
> fire department standing over me
> my pants are down to my ankles
> polo drawers showing
> try to pull my pants back up
> friend comes to pick me up
> walks me to my front door
> I try to make a run for it
> legs still spaghetti
> fall and hit my head
> friend helps me up
> somehow broke his finger
Didnt puke once that night
I have never been drunk in my life.
I'm 26, and on rare occasions I might have one small drink.
Enjoy killing your braincells and compensating for being a waste of life, you putrid fucks.
>Finished up most of the side missions
>'oh geez I think Im a little tipsy'
>'Oh god no Im drunk'
>Ive been playing GTA for almost 2 hours
>Still no call
>Go to check my phone, maybe battery is dead
>Dig through pockets:
>keys, wallet, cigarettes, but wait:
>Who is phone?
>Left my phone in my car
>Like four drunk voicemails from friend: "Where you at nigga"
>Too drunk to drive, but still want to party
>Call friend: Someone can pick me up?
>Shes wasted, "Naw man, why dont you just walk, you do it all the time."
>I do it all the time, its 1.5 miles away, I walk nearly 3.5 every day for exercise
>Take a swig of morgan and stuff the bottle in my pants pocket
>get to walking
>Stop by convenience store before heading out
>drunk me knows ill want a kit kat later
>Smoking and walking and drinking 1.5 miles
>feels good man
>finally arrive, Morgan is done for
>After that, memory is kinda hazy
>I I have fleeting memories of/have been told that I:
>Drank a lot of beers
>smoked a lot of cigarettes with people I didnt know
>Made sex jokes at the guy who was currently fucking my friend
>took a terrilbe shit with the door open to the living room of the party, while having a conversation
>ate half of my kit kat bar
>Something inside me says time to leave
>ask around whos sober enough to drive
>other friend who is there and some guys idk give me a lift.
>I am a big man, he has a little car
>proceed to stuff myself into the back of his tiny car
>All the while talking about religion and philosopy
>Friend and this other guy basically carry me to my bed
>I try to convince them to stay a while because they are such wonderful people
>"shit no youre drunk as fuck" on both of their faces
>Wake up, my door is open (No latch, only locked from the inside so friend couldnt have locked it)
>No idea what happened to me
The best part is, for the next week Id see the people that were at the party (small town, remember) and theyd all be like 'oh hey mann whats happenin, how you doin" and then tell me about the party.
One guy greeted me and we joked about it, but he was like 'yeah, I saw you drop your kit kat on the floor as you were leaving. I ate the rest of it."
>mfw I was wondering where the rest of the candy bar went to.
>fifth year of 5 year program
>out with profs and besties
>before heading to the bar drink 26 of rum and mountain dew during power hour
>get to bar already blackout
>profs buy everyone beers, I'm the guy at the table who's not talking or making eye contact because I feel like my eyes are crossed
>profs buy 6 of us 10 pitchers, we are fucking loaded
>on the way to dance club/strip club with friends and prof
>puke in a flower pot, accept bottle of water from stranger, proceed to chug water much to her dismay
>I am the liquor
>get into club, imagine a fat guy in a leather coat jumping up and down furiously to shitty top 40 beats
>fall backwards and do a complete somersault, dazed as fuck
>see bouncer pointing at me, dust myself off, walk out of bar before getting my ass thrown off
And that was the first time I was kicked out of a bar.
Considering that anywhere between 0.4-0.5 is fatal, going to the hospital was a good idea.
not an exciting story but here it goes
>few years back
>night before my birthday
>make mac and cheese eat whole box
>drink 3 drinks in an hour and a half and 1 beer
>the drinks were 5 oz everclear and 5 oz orange juice
>remember going outside halfway through a movie to smoke and get some air
>see my uncle, me and him are talking
>I start puking macaroni and cheese and it's completely dry puke
>he calls an ambulance
>I don't remember anything after that
>I wake up strapped down to a hospital bed
>tubes in my arm and a catheter in my dick
>spent my whole birthday in that bed
>never drank everclear again
Enjoy being a boring twat that no one likes.
>close down bar with friends
>go back to house to keep drinking
>pull out fifth of vodka
>friend says "bet you cant chug that"
>no stakes are mentioned for this bet
>dont notice or care
>"fuck you yes i can"
>slam the whole thing
>suddenly realize that was really dumb
>over the next 20 mins or so (all that I can remember) I gradually lose motor control
>finally collapse into a chair telling my friend to go fuck himself
>wake up next day with puke all down my shirt
>spend whole day laying on couch, since its the only position that doesn't hurt
>friend brings his girlfriend by to laugh at me and call me the "champion"
>fuck you tim
Those were fun times, before he got 2 DUI's and swore off alcohol to keep himself out of jail.
think this is the right one- got drunk at work, got a blowjob. Friend ate like 80 bucks worth of food
> go to beach for vacation
> with 5 friends of mine.
> buy 10 bottles for 4 days
> generally drunk for the entire time but one night gets worse
> drink entire bottle of jack daniels solo in an hour
> go out and walk around beach town
> i blackout for 2 hours
> start singing/yelling along with dude playing guitar for shekles
> one friend whos fucked up is trying to get with this landwhale
> i tell him with her listening shes a whale and unless he has harpoon to leave her
> we go to club and somehow get in
> other friends birthday so hes trashed
> he stealing drinks from people
>We steal his phone sign onto facebook, call all his black friends niggers and then message girls dic pics
> he gets kicked out of club so we want to take him home
> home is far and we dont want to take bus or taxi since hes puking
> meet some girls and go to their place.
> we dump him on couch and then talk to girls
> i go into room with one girl and 2 other friends go have a threesome with another
> i fuck this girl but takes awhile cause im still wrecked
> man syrup on her pillow cause shes basically passed out.
> leave and go back to hotel alone
> other 2 friends left after i did but were too drunk to make it back so fell asleep under bushes behind a dennys
> they walk in next day without shoes
> we go back to dennys to eat
I just drink from time to time in social situations where it's appropriate. I have such a high alcohol tolerance that there wouldn't be much point in drinking if I did it to get drunk. The drunkest I've gotten was a very light buzz that started about 20 alcohol units (various shots and mixed drinks) into an overnight drinking party where I made an effort to see how drunk I could get with reasonable effort. And a specific effort to get drunk is the only way I notice anything at all.
>rip 16 shots of admiral within an hour
don't be the guy bragging about how much he drank.
That's never good /b/ro...
>wake up in bed with naked cousin and sisters on floor, no sign of sexual contact
>2 days passed
end of story no memory other than drinking at a bar with my 2 sisters and cousin who just turned 21
>Be in Navy on shore duty
>Meet dude who is also in Navy, but has a British Accent for some reason
>Find out dude actually has duel citizenship for the U.S. and Wales, but he has been in the states for the last 17 years cause Navy
>Friend says that Americunts can't keep us with Welsh when it comes to drinking.
>Fuck you dude
>Go out bar hopping that night, even though it's a Wednesday night, and we both have to be to work for the day check at 5 a.m.
>Be 1 a.m., neither of us showing signs of slowing down, even thought between the both of us we have blow threw 800$
>Decide fuck it, go to strip club
>Earlier that night, I had eaten 40 pieces of jumbo shrimp at a pub cause I love me some shrimp
>at strip club, bartender takes order, vodka redbull for me, Irish car bomb for my new Welsh homie
>Down the drink, ask for another cause this Welsh sonofabitch orders another one too.
Didn't go to high school leavers dance but I heard about an afterparty to which everyone was invited.
>Convince my dad to buy me a sixpack
>Get dropped off and once he is out of sight I walk down the street to a native bush preserve
>Find a really nice spot next to a small stream. It was off the path and hidden behind a rock
>Finish drinking all the beer in about 2 hours and in my drunken state decide to actually go to the party
>Turn up, nobody even looks at me, I don't know half these peoples names and I'm pretty sure even less of them know mine
>Stand around for about 15minutes looking at everything exept other people
>After exploring all the rooms and looking through their bookshelves I take a bottle of wine from under the sink and a hardback copy of "Has man a future?" from the bookshelf
>Head back to my secret spot and drink most of the wine
>Drunk, cold, and I can't make any sense of the book so I decide to head back to the party to call my dad
>There are a bunch of people standing around outside when I get back
>Realise I'm still holding the wine bottle and the book
>Realise the book has somehow got vomit between the pages
>Realise one of the staring people is my dad
Turns out my dad came back to look for me as it was getting "late" (10:30pm) and when they couldn't find me some-one decided to call the police, also the wine was worth over $100 and the book had been part of a valueable set of Russell's works.
Unless you weighed like 100 pounds I call bullshit.
I once was at a music festival, in the campground after the first day was over.
We had brought 6 30s and 6 handles.
I was on molly, coke, 6 hits of acid, and was smoking some pretty good weed.
I drank 37 beers/shots that night.
I woke up at 6 the next morning with an insanely miraculous lack of hangover, just in time to beat the lines to the portapotties and take the most epic shit I have ever taken.
Pic related was written on the inside of the stall.
>Be 19 yr old me just getting off work
>At fucking 1pm
>Get text from 21 yr old friend who wants to catch up
>Never had a flaming dr pepper shot
>Had 5 in an hr
>Woke up getting pulled out my car by an EMT
Boy am I glad I left that job.
>Just turn 21
>lost all friends and at nightclub alone
>spend $110 on Hennessy straight
>Hit the dance floor like a maniac
>ushered to back
>throw up in bucket
>see girl walking in a group
>yell "hey your hot as shit then pass out into bucket.
>be Richfag in high school
>at golf resort on the beach with a bunch of friends and shit
>drank at least 4 Gatorade sized bottles of mixed shit with vodka
>tfw when putting alcohol in Gatorade bottles to hide it from adults
>later that night totally shit faced and being belligerent
>find a couple of clear drinks under a tiki sitting area
>smells like alcohol man
>down the hatch all 3 of them
>things start to get very fucky, everything is a slot machine
>get into a fight with cousin
>hideout in some girls room I don't even know
>lose my ability to see
>get left out on the beach unable to see drunk as fuck (probably deserved it)
>freaking the fuck out cussing and screaming
>eventually pass out on the beach
>wake up with tons of random people all around and my dad screaming at me
>pants were around ankles but underwear on
>words "nigger fucker" written on my head
>feel like I got my ass kicked
>Sophomore & Freshman School Halloween Party
>Stoner friend (chick) decides we should smoke with a couple more friends(all chicks and ones my ex)
>Smoke half a eighth of cali og outside of school
>Random guys come up with a hennesy bottle
>All the chicks left besides stoner friend who had the idea
>Took a couple good gulps
>End up being extremly drunk and high at the dance party
>Eyes are bloodshot
>S.A.P (Substance abuse prevention) teacher comes up to me
>Says,"Watch out,lot's of teacher's talking"
>Woke up with no hangover
>Still a sophomore :)
>Right when stripper/waitress/bartender comes back with drinks, is right when a gushing mountain for half-digested shrimp and alcohol erupts from my fucking mouth like its St. Fucking Helens/Beelzebub.
>Try to be polite and direct puke into empty glass that waitress is reaching for to replace with another drink.
>Puke on waitress's hand instead
>She freaks out, and it startles me.
>I lurch forward in a panic, and proceed to vomit directly into her cleavage.
>She screams, and shoves me backwards
>I fall on my back, still uncontrollably vomiting because if at this point you still believe in God, he is not a kind and merciful one.
>Vomit goes straight into the air and lands on strippers, bouncers, patrons...everybody within a 5 foot radius of me gets covered in the aforementioned half digested shrimp
>don't hold alcohol at all
>drink a whole bottle of liquor within half an hour
>think my crush will think I'm cool
>my friends take me back home
>not even midnight
get drunk with bro at bachelor party
throw bodys for a bit
end up punching a brick building
proceed to try and find the asshole who bled on my new pants and shirt
>it was me
party for 4 more hours
Didn't have the balls to sneak the alcohol in.
Started drinking around 11:30 PM, that's when we made the incredibly insane mass exodus at the end of the first day. To this day have never seen that many retardedly fucked up people.
So yeah, I did all the drugs spaced out throughout the day, but the alcohol was purely a camp thing. I was under 21.
>At friend's birthday
>Play blackjack, but take a shot of gin or drink of beer every time you lose
>Lose consciousness between the game and going to sleep
Next morning learned from a friend that after continuing the game for a while, I played rock paper scissors where the loser has to take a shot of gin, and I just kept losing. Puked all over the bushes in the front lawn, and had to be carried upstairs and rinsed off in the shower before being put on some blankets on the ground to sleep.
>Be college senior.
>Do 10 shots of Bacardi 151 in 10 minutes.
>Also do other liquors like grey goose and jack daniels.
>Don't remember the night, but I apparently tried fucking a girl on a bus. Got to 2nd base, then my stop came, and my amigos saved my ass.
>When drunk, girl was an 8/10. Sober she is a 5/10.
>I also tried to finger fuck my 9/10 female friend.
>Didn't stop me either.
>I stopped when she texted her boyfriend that she loves him so much, while my hand was up her skirt.
>Saw the text and didn't feel right about it.
>mfw she starts following me around the entire night.
>I guess when I drink 151 I become a douche that no-one stops.
>Also tried to fuck a police officer. Didn't stop me.
>Friends come through in the clutch again.
>I don't remember any of this shit.
>mfw I should never drink 151.
>mfw I should drink 151 more often.
How else would you suggest conveying a meaningful total for the alcohol content of a varying assortment of drinks?
>Still uncontrollably vomiting, because this is apparently the point in which my normally iron stomach decides to get revenge on me for all of my past transgressions, my New Welsh buddy picks me up and starts handing out 50's like he has planned this the whole fucking time.
>"Sorry everyone, this arsehole tried to keep up with meh, and I pooshed 'em ta hard, we don't want any trouble."
>This fucking cunt just gave away at LEAST like 400 dollars
>Gives the bouncer at the door another hundred.
>"Call us a cab, Yeah, mate? I think we've overstayed our welcome here.
Im still puking in a nearby bush
>"Sure, where do you live, so I can tell the cab guy?"
>"No, we are goin to this bar (gives address to the next bar)".
>"Umm...you sure? You're friend looks like he's about to fucking die man.
>litre+ of vodka plus beers / cider, 3 ecstasy tabs, brownies and first time smoking skunk.
>dancing like a retard, falling over people and shit
>dandy warhols pointed me out during set.
>"can somebody check that guy is ok?"
>no fucks given
>later in the day collapsed
>festival amberlamps to medical tent
>dancing around med tent in my underwear
>everyone is hating me
>woke up next morning totally fine in my own tent
>start drinking again
>drink 12 beers+ 3/4 of a 40 of vodka
>just kept barfing until it went away for the next 24 hours
>drink another 12 beers when feeling less sick
Ya I'm sober now.
This story is a kind of a hybrid of my first time drinking and my first time smoking weed.
>be me 14 years old
>go to my cool cousins house, he's older like 18
>immediately asks me if I have ever drank alcohol before
>No, he says i'm going to get fucked up
>Indifferent about it, whynot.jpg
>get to his house a bit nervous about drinking for the first time
>when I walk in he has 4 shots of patron cafe XL
>fucking awful taste but manage to down all 4 shots
>feel like puking but man it out
>hanging out on the couch watching some surf movie while people are kinda partying around me
>cousin comes up with a couple stoner looking friend wielding a giant orange bong, about 3 ft in length
>packs that shit with some high quality purp
>bongs is passed to me, take a giant rip, feels like a demon shoved his fire dick down my throat
>can't hold it in start coughing right after I take the hit
>Shit starts to get crazy
>my cousin hands me a route 44 cup that has rootbeer creme vodka and root beer in it
>drink it down in 5 minutes
>I'm tripping out hardcore, going full american idol and laughing at literally everything
>my uncle comes out of nowhere and hands me half of a subway sandwich
>While trying to eat it I pull a 9/11 and smash the sandwich in my face
>Sanwich falls into lap and their giant dog pounces on me wanting to eat it
>I punch the dog mid flight at my face
>dog goes berserk and starts mauling my fist
>in the comotion I start vomitting
>go full linebacker and run into the bathroom
>start puking in toilet, then have the awful urge to shit
>pull down pants and start shitting liquid
>pull trashcan infront of my and start puking while shitting
>the force of me puking makes my shit spew out, feel it splashing the water and splashing all over my ass
>start to cry and realized what has gone on
>cousin comes into bathroom and sees me crying and shitting uncrontrollably
>nods in approval
>pass out and wake up in my uncles spare bedroom
>starting the night off at mothers house
>line of coke, half a bottle of jagermeister
>wake up in hospital 3 days later
Got hypothermia and have a rectal thermometer in my ass
>drunk as fuck, we went through like 2 huge bottle sof jack and over 120 beers between 8 of us
>I think I am going to walk across the busiest street in the city
>no one can stop me
>wake up in the morning, friend's hand is fucking smashed to hell
>he had to beat my head in to knock me out and they dragged me back to hotel
>didn't feel a thing
>"you have a heard head, bro"
>be me 19, 24 years ago.
>in the Army
>made friends with drill seargent from base
>takes me to a strip club
>orders me 4 long island iced teas
>drink probably a 12 pack before we got there
>i blacked out and don't remember a lot
>i do remember puking for the next two days
>bad enough i wanted to an hero.
Bah Green texting this shit is sol tedious.
Long story short we get back to base at 4:30. Our petty officers are understandably upset, my Welch buddy yells at them until they tell him to go home, he says that he is way too drunk to drive so they make ME, the guy who smells like vomit and is still very visibly drunk, drive him home so that he can sleep it off. I will green text the whole event if enough people show interest.
>be at graduation Scandinavian style
>get a 3liter champagne bottle as a joke from my brother and half a liter from a friend
>start drinking to become a little social
>drink a little more because of depression
>holy fuck its hot! I need to drinksome more
>the Damn bottle is not half empty and I'm not fucking throwing it away
>holy mother I'm drunk I can barely keep my eyes open so drink some more
One of the last things I remember was seeing that big ass bottle empty
>well fuck me I have half a liter left, drink it
>get off back of the truck (we party back in a huge fucking truck) I don't remember anything at all now
Wake up a couple of hours later in hospital, doctor said I would have died if I haven't gotten stomach pumped
Mfw a truckfull of people I knew left me to die in the town square
>drink half bottle of vodka each with male friend
>I too am male
>we suck eachother off
>he shows me his crossdressing collection
>we both dress up
>we both kiss and 69
>I puke and pass out
>wake up in stockings thinking wtf
drank a 1/5th of tequila and fucked the whole night in a hotel party... couldn't cum and went soft pretty often so she had to blow me to get me hard again quite a few times. i do remember most of it but there are things i dont remember like people coming to the party i didn't know. i think a couple pics were taken but i don't know if true because i never saw them.
>sophomore in college
>playing Mario Party 4 with bros
>7 bud light platinums in one hour
>Great drunkenness for about 90 minutes
>Chatting with cops and desk guards
>About to kick this dude's ass in Pokemon Pearl
>"Nah bro hold up I gotta puke"
>Puke for solid 30 minutes
>Walk to his room stiff as a board
>Crash on guest bed
>Don't leave until 3 PM
>Serious hangover hair
>Played Animal Crossing for an hour
The hangover was brutal but Animal Crossing made it all better.
when i get that right amount of drunk i start to lose feeling all over and think i am immune to injury
>i jumped out of a moving car once
>fell off a roof the first time i got lit
>puked about 3 liters of red wine on a bus
>took 25i and got dangerously drunk passed out and had my shoes stolen
the other night i was wasted laying on my bed and for some reason it was fun to spit all over the place, just layed back spitting on my chest while watching my own private idaho, good night.
Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.
Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.
>couple years ago
>drink some absinthe to get a quick buzz
>go to brothel
>back to hotel to finish absinthe
>sitting on floor of empty bar, back against the wall
>guy jerking it about 6 inches from my face
>panic. he drives me back to my hotel.
>sleep it off
>wake up. blood all over my bedsheets.
>realise its coming from my ass
>hope its from a bad reaction to absinthe
At exam results party have been building up all day at various party's
just chilling on beers and punch at final party which is shit as, full of nerdy pricks i drink within the course of an hour 1 liter of russian standard 75cl jack daniels 50cl of gordons gin some chocolate liqueur and a few bottles of beer blackout an hour later wake up in 7 hours in a bathtub no memory of previous day
>pregame at apt and get drunk as fuck
>snort addy to drink more
>walk to fuckbuddy girl who I just stopped seeing best friends apt
>drink their alcohol too drunk to pick up on unwelcome vibe
blackout, everything from here is from friends telling me later
>party dies down, friend calls golf cart transport service
>hit on black girls leaving party while waiting for said ride
>golf cart finally comes
>as we're driving dt I lean out and drag my entire body on the ground, holding on with one hand to a metal bar
>it actually stops the cart from moving
>continue dt after friend puts me back inside
>make it dt
>lose the top of my flask under the bar and spend 10 minutes looking for it under peoples feet
>my friends lose me
>my friend finds me lying in a pile of puke outside my dorm door
>can't lift me up
>finds a ca to help, they carry me too my bed
when I woke up I was on the floor in my own throwup with the blanket pulled off my bed
tl;dr addy let's you drink a fuck ton
>at party, first time drinking
>drink 3 whole glasses of ouzo, because friend challenged me
>drunk as fuck
>talk to everyone about my tortoise and how it isn't allowed to eat tomatos
>find wooden sword
>start bashing tomatos with sword
>start swordfight with fat chick
>punch her in the vagina with my sword
>eventually pass out
>Be about a month ago
>Me and 5 mates planned a movie marathon
>Both Hobbits, then all LOTR
>Go out for dinner
>2 bottles canadian club and kangaroo steak
>Go back to mates segregated bar
>Chuck on first movie
>Drink 3 bottles of cider
>40 minutes into first Hobbit, stop
>Best mate (We were seeing who has best tolerance to alcohol, so he'd drank the same as me) says "SHOTS". We'll call him Tony.
>Both do shot each of Tequila, then Jack, then two of Vodka
>Drink 2 more ciders
>I'm feeling it
>2 more later
>Sitting on couch with bucket in my lap
>Look up from bucket, vomit all over the floor
>"Tony threw up and swam in it"
>I don't remember
>mfw I was twilight zoned for an hour not doing anything
>Look up and see Tony lying down, head in toilet
>Wake up to acrid smell of thrown up steak
>See smush marks where Tony swam in his vomit
>My buckets empty
>I win, walk outside for victory smoke
>Other 4 friends slept outside cause we were drunk and fucked
I felt pretty sick the next day, still didn't throw up.
>Be me last April
>Buddy calls me up about a party at this apartment on the north side of Chicago
>Buy a bottle of Captain Morgan and roll out
>When I get there it's kinda dead
>Decide fuck it and start downing the captain
>2 hours later i have finished the bottle and am absolutely destroyed
>attempt to walk to the brown line
>brown line doesn't run at 2 a.m.
>stumble a mile to the red line and survive the trip
>now there's a mile walk back to my room
>halfway there i need to piss
>no cars around so i whip out the dick and start pissing while i walk
>stop on the bridge so i can piss into the river
>happy with my escapades, i continue my quest home
>get back to building and attempt to climb 6 flights of stairs to room
>error 404 walk.exe was unexplicably lost
>finally make it up to my room and pass out
>walk up the next day feeling refreshed and happy
>good ass night niggas
>Wake up Saturday morning still kind of drunk from partying Friday night
>Take a few shots an hour until going to friends place at 4 pm
>Down just shy of a 1 L of rum
>Apparently went and got food and after friends brought me home
>Wake up at 7 pm
>Puke and rally gotta keep festing
>Drink 750 ML of vodka and 6 beers
>Blackout round 2
>Come to about 3 miles from my room
>Walk back to my place
>Puke and rally round 2
>Meet up with friends around midnight and go to a party
>Blackout round 3
>Wake up next morning on a friends lawn
You don't know shit. My buddy blew a .32 at his parole officers office because he was on three hits of acid and "didn't feel drunk". Not he also drove himself there. Then to try to stop himself from going to jail for his parole violation he went to our towns judge's house and knocked on his door at 8 in the morning only to have his daughter answer. She was in the same grade as us
>>Sophmore in college
>>Prof. says DONT GO DRINKING WITH THE DRIVER
>>Fuck that, Jose rules
>>pass a bottle around on the side of a mountain with the driver and three local chicks
>>wake up in town centro with no money or ID
>>walk back to hotel
>>Driver hands me wallet
>>Jose is the fucking man
>down 1/2 a bottle of smirnoff
>1/2 a jar of shine
>1mg of ativan
>vomit all over myself
>severe respiratory distress, but I didn't know
>friends toss me in the road in front of my apartment
>hit head, start bleeding profusely
>should have died, my street is usually barren at 3am
>by the grace of some unknown force:
>40 year old man walking down my street
>calls 911, starts CPR
>rushed to emergency room
>flushed my system with IV's
>took CT scans of my head
>BAL of .20
>end up ok
>me and that man are still friends to this day
>be me in college, senior year
>spring break, going to cancun with 3 friends
>wake up, start drinking before flight
>also have 4 2mg bars klonopin (clonazepam)
>take one when we get to airport
>beers at airport
>on plane, take another bar, drink 5-6 whiskey mixed drinks
>completely zonked, black out
>wake up in customs line
>friend tells me I kept putting my feet on the guys headrest in front of me, until he picked my feet up and threw them into the aisle
>pack a lip in customs
>asking old people and shit in the line if they have a spitter
>deal with customs lady with mouth full of tobacco
>get to beach, am completely wrecked
>go up to biggest meathead on beach and ask if he even lifts
>he gets pissed, "did you guys just come to Mexico to ask people if they lift"
>keep drinking all day, people are literally pointing/laughing because I'm so fucked
>all inclusive resort
>decide to get some lunch at the cafeteria place
>friends at table, I'm still getting food (it was difficult)
>walking back to table
>slip on wet spot on tile floor
>fall backwards like a cartoon character who slipped on a banana
>tray of food goes up, I go down smacking head on tile, food crashes down on me shortly after
>covered in sauce and shit
>entire cafeteria erupts in laughter
>stand up covered in food and try to yell "I am the liquor" like Lahey in trailer park boys
I'll try remember as much as I can, was 15 hours of drinking, so I was pretty blackout drunk
>One of best mates' Bucks Day
>Go round his place around 10am
>Bottle Shop run, 2 cases of beer, bottle of Devils Cut Beam
>Driving back to his place and his fiancee calls
>Tells her to stop annoying him, she can do what she wants cause he is going Bucks Mode
>Go round to other good mates place, who is also in Bridal Party.
>Decide not to go Go Karting cause of shitty weather
>Start of with beers, rest of guys turn up
>Randomly cook shit on BBQ, keep smashing dem beers
>"FUCK IT, TIME FOR BOURBON! I DONT CARE ITS ONLY 2PM!!!!"
>Start pounding the bourbons
>"HEY CRAZN, DRINK BOURBON WITH ME YOU FUCKER!!!"
>Watch local footy team on TV, think we are gonna lose, win game with about 90 seconds to go
>"FUCK YES MOAR BOURBON!!!"
>Playing pool, more random food, more beers and bourbon.
And that's where things got forgotten. Have vague memories of heading into the city with mates, playing the Poker Machines at god knows what pub, yelling random shit at people for who knows what reason apart from being trashed, being denied entry to a pub up at the Cross (Ausfags would know where im talking about), and getting a train home with 2 of the guys at around 1am.
Went round mates the day after to pick up car and shit, and apparently we ended up going to a biker bar (one mate, who was Best Man, was friends with the Bikies and had worked in the Cross), talked to a hooker at said biker bar for half an hour just for the lulz, and went to about 10 different bars before heading home.
tl;dr - mates bucks day, drank a metric fuckton of beer, a bottle of bourbon to myself, dont remember fuck all, ended up at Biker Bar in red light district cause of friend knowing them, talked to hooker for a while, went home blackout drunk after about 14 hours worth of drinking.
>freshman in college
>buy Bombay, heard great things
>tastes like a fucking christmas tree
>run into a bunch of girls
>drink a little
>invite girl back to my room to drink more
>remember taking a swig of vodka
the bombay is still full
>been told I wouldnt let the girl leave
>friends came to help me
>got mad and kept saying no
>5 minutes later I let the poor girl go
>still blacked out, no idea what happens
>snap back into it a little bit
>RA comes and asks for Id
>I give her a brochure
>thinks I have a concussion
>she calls ambulance
>police come, and ask me if mickey mouse is a cat or dog
>get insulted and say "what the fuck, do you really think you can fool people with that, he's a fucking cat, what else would he be?"
>recall telling the cops time after time that i fucking love COPS in a drunken stupor
>get my drinking ticket
>the entire Bombay bottle is empty
>cuts all over me
>MFW i realized what had just happened
>head to Seoul for the weekend with work friends(Marinefag)
>drink a couple bottles of soju at first bar
>have some vodka/redbulls and a few beers at the next
>not sure how much i drank, but im barely coherant
>bad enough that i cant really understand what im saying
>chick who speaks korean gets me a cab and tells the cabbie where my hotel is
>get back to hotel, got my second wind
>find a place with a barber pole outside(for hookers)
>go in, take off shoes
>go to room, get massaged, blown and fuck Chinese chick
>wake up a few hours later, fuck her again
>go outside, its morning
>tell friends i passed out in stairway
>still drunk on train back
>throw up in my own hat on the train
>i miss that hat
K, this is where it gets good
>manage to sober up after a few hours
>still drinking, take my last bar, but sober enough that people aren't pointing and staring at me like an animal at the zoo
>there are some clubs at the resort
>go in, trying to dance doing our thing
>meet group of girls
>most of them are extremely bitchy, one of them is kinda cute though
>ask her friend if I have a chance
>"no but you have a chance with me"
>start ripping shots like my life depended on it to improve this girls looks in any way I can
>not fat but not really cute either
>black out again
>wake up near the pool, place is completely deserted
>on lawn chair making out with this chick, her breath is atrocious
>come up for air
>she doesn't look to good
>starts mumbling nonsense, out of nowhere she starts puking
>all over me
>doesn't realize she has puked on chair
>is moving her head back and forth dragging hair through her own puke
>I see security guard making rounds getting closer
Last part incoming, on mobile sorry /b/ros
>end of sophmore year
>get invited to party at UCSB
>drive down and immediately proceed to get tanked
>5 shots at friends apartment, 10 at party, 3 more on top in drinking competition
>go out to balcony to smoke a cig
>black the fuck out
>arrive at jail, only remember walking in the middle of street when cop pulls up behind me
>friends have no clue what happened to me
>finally get out at 2pm, make 10 second call to friends before phone dies
>finally get picked up at 4, go back to SLO
>somehow I made it down 2 flights of stairs and a 2 miles onto UCSB campus
>get charged with drunk in public and minor in posession
>assume MIP for alcohol in my stomach
>find out 2 years later when I order police report that I had a bottle of cook's champagne on me
>still to this day have no idea where that champagne came from since party only had popovs
>silver lining, everyone else puked that night but not me
>Be me, college freshman
>At sketchy bar
>Drink 3 Long island iced teas
>4 shots of vodka
>Go to friends place
>In friend's basement getting high with couple people
>Projectile vomit on friends basement floor
>Go outside, get some fresh air, vomit again
>Friend drives me home
>In room about to knock out, vomit again on bedroom floor
>Too fucked up to care about mess
>New Year's Eve 2007
>Hosting party in my college apartment
>Have maybe 20-25 drinks
>Someone hands me a flask and I drank half of it - don't know what was in it.
>Blackout around 3 AM
>Wake up in my bed in a pool of blood
>Everyone else is still passed out, no one appears injured
Have no idea where it came form or whose it was. To this day, I still have no explanation
> don't eat for 3 days (was to lazy cook for myself)
> get in fight with best bro
> got in fight with gf over fight with bro
> have jar of apple pie flavored shine
> first time drinking since I went to school (~5 months)
> kill the jar
> wake up covered in blood, dry wall dust, and mud
> two broke hands
> busted rib
> good sized cut on back and hands
I don't remember any of it, but I apparently beat the fuck out of my wall before going through the window without opening it first. That was also the last time I ever had a drink.
I bought 3 cheap vodka bottles from a local store.
I wake up the next day with chills, a bad headache, my side hurts, I can't go back to sleep, If I do I have some really shitty dreams...
this is from a month ago
>be in band, have gig and on at 10pm so drink all afternoon and night
>play show, fucking awesome
>after gig head off to party, take some acid and down the rest of my jack daniels
>turns out party is a doof, 250 40 year olds fucked up in the bush with lazers
>milf reads my future with her crystal ball
>hands it to me, it is a pebble
>freak the fuck out with my mate who is the other guitarist in the band, try to leave party by breaking into someones car
>1st car we try is unlocked, sit in there trying to calm down. friend has vodka, down it all thinking more inebriation could help
>trash inside of the car, friend vomits over dashboard
>pull him out, go back to doof
>owner of the house we were at sees us, brings us inside
>sits us at kitchen bench and gives us water, he seems to be surprisingly able-bodied
>have nice conversation for 2 minutes, then friend falls off chair
>piss myself laughing and then freak out because his nose is bleeding
>dont wanna call ambulance because in my state i thought we would be arrested cos we were on acid
>cry and ask host to look after friend, i exit house
>have a few beers and keep closing my eyes cos scared of lazers
>wake up next to the fridge inside the house
>played a gig that night
havent drunk since but i think i will tonight. was fun
>Be 18 or 17, can't remember (I'm 22 now)
>Be total introvert at the time
>Never experienced the high school drunk party shit
>Parents and sisters go on vacation for a week
>Have house to myself
>Raid my parents liqour cabinet
>No idea what mixing or chasing drinks is
>Proceed to down 2 full bottles of vodka
>Playing battlefield 3
>Punch a hole in my desk out of anger
>Wake up in a pool of my own vomit and my head feeling 3 sizes to big
>Felt like this for 4 straight days
>Worst feeling ever
>Realized later I should of gone to the hospital
>I was shoulder deep in alcohol poisoning
Guess I wear a badge of honor bullshit for taking it and not bitching out to the hospital, but holy fuck that was the worst 4 days of my life.
fuck im sharing another story
>drinking in friend's room
>I don't remember what I was drinking before, I think I snapped back out of a blackout, I'm not sure
>Anyways, in friend's room, taking shots
>casually drinking with these girls
>One girl decides to chug the bottle
>idk why the fuck she is even doing this
>claims that she can drink us under the table
>I dont even try cause I don't feel like drinking shitty Skol
>she keeps chugging vodka like crazy
>friend leaves the room for 3 minutes
>im layding down in bed
>girl comes and lays on top of me and starts making out with me
>I was very drunk and thought she was hot but she wasn't and her breath was so bad
>Realize she is too drunk, take her to my room to put this bitch to sleep
>she keeps falling, big girl kinda, need all my strength to carry her
>fucking collapses in elevator, have to drag this fucking anchor
>too drunk so i knock on everyone's door "HALP, PLS"
>about to get some help and she starts vomiting
>bitch blows a .26 BAC
>i dont get a ticket cause i dont
>i see this bitch every weekend out of nowhere
Correct, what gave me away?
Part 4: finale
>don't want to get kicked out, first night of a week long trip and be stranded in Mexico
>girl is starting to realize how disgusting this is
>she starts apologizing
>I don't give a fuck, let's just bail
>go into lobby as inconspicuously as possible
>extremely conspicuous but nobody says anything
>we get on elevator, I want to bring her home (not trying to deal with this bitch)
>where do you live?
>I don't know
>bitch are you serious
>won't give me an answer
>finally say fuck it, take her back to my room, she is puking like mad but seems to be getting it in the toilet at least. After about 30 mins of this she falls asleep on bathroom floor
>she seems fine lol
>wake up next morning to roommate screaming "WHAT THE FUCK" and laughing his ass off
>jump out of bed, other 2 guys next door hear him and run over
>pointing in bathroom, laughing and gagging
>on the floor
>smeared on the walls
>girl nowhere to be seen
>left her shit in my room (phone etc)
>we put her bag and phone in our safe
>go find her on beach w friend
>play it cool, hey you left your shit in my room
>oh ok I'll come get it in a bit
>nah you should come get it now, you need to see something
>her friend comes to help
>tension rising as we approach room
>stand in hall and say "look in bathroom"
>her fucking face when she saw all the shit
>her fucking friends face when she realizes she has agreed to clean her friends shit up
>mfw we made them clean it all up and called her poop girl for the rest of the trip whenever we saw her
I have Moar if anyone interested
>four years ago
>small gathering at house with new friends my housemate and I decided to catch up for drinks with
>decide to make a night of it, go out to pubs/clubs afterward
>cook big batches of spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread, dinner at ours
>eat and be merry
>hadn't really eaten all day up until this point
>start on a bottle of vodka
>slipping down far too easily
>get WAY too rambuctious
>down to last quarter of the bottle after an hour
>decide to leave it alone, I've had enough
>giddy as fuck
That was the last thing I remembered. What apparently happened after that, based on eye-witness accounts and brief slivers of sensation memory:
>body ignores desire to leave last quarter of bottle
>skol that shit
>Sit on couch, standing too much effort
>friend invites me to come with them to the clubs via their place
>bolt like a llama with three sprained ankles to their car without wallet, phone, house keys, shoes or socks fully expecting to get let in
>car ride makes me queasy
>run into friend's house on arrival
>vomit bright red spaghetti chunks fucking everywhere in their lounge room
>pass out on couch immediently, everyone else goes out clubbing
>mfw I moved into that house two years later and half the fucking carpet is still stained bright red and smells mildy of acid from my inability to hold a bottle of vodka
>at buddies house having g s small party
>getting trashed off four loko and cheap ass canadian whiskey
>take a few rips from some guys bong
>"bro be careful that shit costs like 100 bucks"
>he then drop the bowl on the ground smashing g it to peices
>wake up laying in my bathroom
Surprised it didn't throw up
>drunk a few times before, but not much more than tipsy
>chilling with best friend
>He gets a call to chill with his older cousin (19) and his friends
>asks if I wanted to come, says would be fun, free drink because that's all these guys do
>go with to some field, they have a stolen moped and a few cases of beer
>drink as much beer as I want, drive moped around field
>Hours later my and friend leave together fucked
>some how get home
>crawl into bed naked
>middle of night I wake up need to be sick, can't move still fucked
>just throw up over myself
>lay back down and pass out
>get woken up the next morning by my mum looking at me with disgust.
>chillin with my buddys at the house
>bought the big bottle of piss skol vodka
>friends are all pussys
>all but 1 of us goes outside
>come back in and hes all braggin
>claims hes has like 10 shots
> tellin us to catch up
> we know hes at like 2-3
> hes pussiest of all
> they all go to bed
> end up drinkin most/rest of bottle by myself
> wake up hour later house is destroyed
> guess i broke the house as a drunk ass
> puked about 150 times over next 5-10hrs
>start puking up brown liver salt or stomach blood or something
> felt i was dieing for about 3 days
> ended up eating finally on 3rd day