That moment you realize all of you greentext is related to buttholes, going or out. Faggots post me some it was my privlage gl
not sure if right one, may have gotten mixed up with spoopy thread
Fuck, remember it like yesterday
> be virgin, age 13
> meet young girl in theater after choosing Monsters Inc
> we are sitting next to eachother, talking, laughing
> hit it off, flirting like mad
>set up playdate for later
> meet at my house, playing in yard with neighbors
> start to wrestle with girl, touching becomes sexual
> the smell of this young girls sweat gives me one of my first legit boners
>decide we need some privacy
>run into woods with girl
>finally come to marshy clearing
>feeling girl up, she seems to like it
>kissing, rubbing, it's all magic
>I make my move and shift my hand to her pussy
>rubbing through pants, she makes small noises and a wet spot emerges between her thighs
>lose the pants, going down on girl
>wtf this bitch's poon reeks
>whatever, go down on her anyway
>she's making sounds like a dying animal now, wet enough for penetration
>dick slides into pussy, immediately hear whisper
>"get outta my swamp"
>ask girl "did you hear that?"
>mfw the realization this was no marsh, it was Shrek's swamp
> hear another whisper in the stagnant air:
>"this is the part where you run away"
>knock girl down, leave her as offering to shrek
>immediately sprint into a low hanging branch, knocking myself down
>look up just in time to see the ogre barreling out of the green mist, yard long eshrek'd cock swinging
>ravages girl just as I drift out of consciousness
>wake up with mouth full of hot swamp tar, onions fashoned into a rope of anal beads resting in my large intestine
>mfw first shreksual encounter
>mfw should've chosen Shrek instead of Monsters Inc
Fuck man, the entire thread up to this point and I'm about to have a stroke
Lel, I just posted these in another thread like 2 hours ago. Glad they were save-worthy. Time to contriboot.
>Hey, there's 20 letters in the alphabet right?
>No, there's 26.
>I'm pretty sure there's only 20.
>NO! THERE'S 26!
>Ah right, I forgot u r a q t
>That's only 5 letters
>Right, you'll get the D later.
I never post. Today is the day I pop my 4chan cherry.
>Be 20 in uni.
>Going to study with friends in liberry.
>Text friend asking where to meet him.
>He says on 3rd floor.
>Go to liberry.
>Go to 3rd floor.
>Dont see friend.
>Look down bookcase rows.
>See friend seated facing away from me towards the window at a desk in his trademark blue hoodie.
>Approach my friend.
>I intend to win the ongoing gay-chicken war here and now.
>Sneak up behind friend.
>Swing legs over back of chair one at a time.
>Slide down behind friend so my crotch is touching his ass.
>Cup his breasts.
>Pull him tight.
>Friend turns around.
>Never seen this kid before.
>I move head closer to his ear.
>Whisper; You arent John...
>Proceed to stand up and powerwalk down the stairs.
>Out the liberry.
>Walk 9 blocks & get chipotle.
>Small school, everyone saw it.
Screenshot. This is now copypasta.
I did not expect this thread to last that long, nor for anybody to want more. But there is more.
noooo holy fuck everything is gone including sides
not greentext, but whatever
>I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
Mandatory. Best green text keks I've ever had.
who the fuck wants to read all this shit? jesus christ, how about some god damn pictures!
okay niggers obligatory lightning raptard
I browse /d/ a lot, so some of these may be a little much for newfriends.
>In greentext thread
> doesnt want ro read
You acoustic nigger.
>She stares at him with the eyes closely resembling the mad butcher that killed an anon for fucking his daughter
Long read but this is good as the phil raptard story
oh god, that wasn't the one I meant to post... oh well.
>Visiting my parents
>See a grill watching watching tv in the living room(walked through the back so I cant see her face)
>Thinks its my 20year old sister
>Always messing around with her
>Smack her on back of the head
>She turns around, not my sister.
>Walk to kitchen and see my sister
>Stares at me confused
>Walk out of the house and dont come back
I dint even get to see my patents.
>had moved countries at 14, came back to visit old friends
>one friend has a small party the night i get there
>hadn't taken a shit in like nearly 48 hours
>massive turd incoming
>run to his toilet in the downstairs area where we were partying
>commence massive shit
>flush toilet and leave
>come out and about 5 minutes later, house owner announces to everyone 'don't use bathroom downstairs if you gotta shit, its been having some problems"
>15 minutes later I hear screaming and yelling "WHO THE FUCK TOOK A SHIT IN MY DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM"
>ask him whats wrong
>explains that someone took a huge shit and it caused a huge back up and now the shower is completely covered in shitty sewage
>go inspect, hes not wrong, shit all over the walls and its atleast a 3 inch puddle on shower floor
>everyone laughing hysterically
>claims someone is gonna have to clean it up and i tell him i saw another kid go in there beforehand
>he starts to blame him, nearly fights him and kicks him out
>next day he tells me he has to pay $250 to fix it and get it cleaned, says hes gonna make other kid pay
This actually happened to my great aunt according to my dad.
>Apparently her dog died and she wanted to bury it at this famous pet cemetery out on eastern Long Island.
>She doesn't have a car so she takes the train
>Puts the dog in an old fur coat box to travel
>Puts the box down to buy a train ticket
>Some guy grabs it and runs off
>God only knows he gave it to his girl without opening it first
I mean, he still got fur I guess.
Anyone have, "and thats the last we hard of this faithful anon" / "I fucked my cat"???
Holy shit that was great.
Okay, I'll contribute
That is probably the first thing on here that has made me cya bit from laughter. Well done.
This thread made my night, thank you all
Saying greentext stories never happened is like walking into a special ed classroom and calling everyone retarded. There's a very high chance you're right, but it serves no purpose other than to make you look like an asshole. This is art, not history.