>be me >go to shit tier school, everone in it including

>>576227279
>butwait there's more

>doing this still won't allow people to access things like facebook, soundcloud, because it's blocked upstream by some pleb company (wtf school).
>set up essentially a proxy that goes from one machine in the school (entry node), routes to a box I owned a few weeks ago (das teh exit node for those who can 13375p34k, also, didn't want other people connecting directly to my owned box, so used a proxy for my proxy)
>buttheresmore.jpg
>set up password grabber on said exit node
>mfw tells everyone about how to "access teh unsensured internets"
>now has everyone's passwords for everything
>start fucking with everyone
>some fuckwit puts 2 and 2 together
>tells IT bitch, confronts me
>ohshit.png
>IT bitch called my parents, called the principal, called the cops, called the Fire Department, called pizza hut, called GameStop, called WikiLeaks, called the USN, called the Royal Navy, called the Red Army, called the FBI. called the CIA, called Interpol, called the KGB, called the USMC, called the USAF, called the Royal Air force, called MI6, called Scotland Yard, called Edward Snowden, called the US National Guard of every state, called NYPD, called Obama, called the Queen, called Putin, called David Cameron, called every Governor of every US State, used my time phone to call Winston Church hill, As well as Hitler, Stalin, Theodore Roosevelt, George Washington, Montezuma, ever Caesar, and Gilgamesh, called the US Army, called British Army in every era, called the NSA, called every phone sexline, called papa john's.

>OP you're in big trouble
>noshit.gif

and that's how I got expelled from school, and can't use any more school computers.

>I still passed school with some of the highest scores in my country

>>576227406

Lame.

>>576228321
then post a better one faggot

>>576228321
>>576228471
Yeah faggot, how niggerish do you have to be to not post your own story. I mean I'm not gonna post a story because all that shit was boring, but come on nig, I'm not gonna go calling other peoples stories lame.

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>>576228471
>>576229095

>no

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Gayest shit I've read all day.

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>>576229221
You activated my trap card nigger!

>>576227279
I've done same shit, plus destroyed HDD in schools server.

>>576227279
>be 15
>freshman year of highschool
>im taking biology on the third floor of the new building and we have this pregnant teacher who is cool as fuck but soft spoken
>befriend kid who sat behind me
>white dude with dreads, skinny jeans and a thrice t-shirt
>fuckyea.png i love thrice
>later in semester me and newfriend pretty close
>always dicking around, but this kid kind of doesnt give a shit about anything
>pregnant teacher has to take maternity leave
>get really bitchy new teacher with big ass eye brows
>newfriend constantly ignores her but doesnt go out of his way to make problems for her
>one day newfriend and I steal a few beakers and glassware from bio class and chuck it off third story balcony
>this becomes a regular thing
>eventually each of us tries to see who can steal the most ridiculous thing to throw off balcony
>one day after class were walking out and he starts reaching in his pants and smiling
>what the fuck are you doing?
>he fucking pulls out a banana
>said he stole it from the teachers lunch bag
>toss it off the balcony and head to lunch
>each day he attempts to take more food from her, eventually leading to him taking her whole lunch
>we then proceed with the ritual to throw it off the balcony, each item we would throw individually
>we see the principal parked under the balcony and newfriend just looks over at me and smiles
>grabs the fucking pudding and throws it as hard as he can down towards the car
>it then hits the windsheild and sprays all over the principal
>i run like a fucking mad man laughing my ass off
>we never get caught


shit story but its my first green text so yea

op you're a pussy, get laid or something

>>576231249
sorry it was greek yogart...not pudding.. but you get the point

>>576230837
It was casual thing to take out doors from toilet stalls, my friend made a fucking hole in the wall one time and the other one went inside imaginary cloth washer while on drugs midway through class...

>>576229919
Why would you destroy the HDD? That is just fucked up. I've done similar to this. Had rat on half the school's computers, mostly the ones in the library. Programming class computers had no restrictions, admin enabled. The security there was weird. All computers were connected to the same point. Son during programming class, would mess around with people who were on the library computers. Never got caught.

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>>576227279
I jerked it on the school bus once.

>>576232512
Anyone had a physical access to the server, and it was an accident... Oh and i forgot to add that those ware macs with dual boot, both systems busted...

>met this girl, was really into her
>she had a boyfriend of three years, was way bigger than me, but was retarded
>invite her out one night, we end up sitting outside until like 5 AM
>tell her I liked her
>started inviting her over and we made out and shit all the time
>she broke up with him and started dating me
>after about a week or two I realize she actually fucking sucked so I told her I wanted to be alone

I felt pretty bad about the whole thing for a long time after. I think he moved into her parents house with her. I don't know. I don't care. She really fucking sucked.

>>576231249
I did not enjoy this story, sounds like harassment that reduced her overall quality of life.

>>576233126
im not saying i was proud of it... it was funny at the time but now that im 9 years older i realize i would kill a 15 year old who touched my lunch when i was at work

>>576233001
What's wrong with a grill sucking (if you get what I mean)?

>be senior
>kid in motorized wheelchair liked to follow me around whenever he saw me in the halls
>one day his aid is out sick, so he's just rolling around by himself
>he's not a tard, just a cripple
>I'm walking out to the courtyard to meet up with my friend so we can go get lunch
>wheelie sees me and comes straight toward me
>pretend not to see him and make my way towards the parking lot, knowing he'd follow me
>get in my car while he talks to us
>position my front bumper against his wheelchair and slowly nudge him across the parking lot
>he's freaking out
>tip him over against the curb and drive away
>get wendys
>come back to him just chilling there
>teacher comes by
>"move along, people."
>get in his wheelchair and have my friend push me back to class
>ditch chair in the girls locker room and go on with my day

>>576233001
hello david

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>>576231249
topkek

>>576233664
fugging alpha as fug my bro

>>576233642
oh. well she sucked at sucking, if that clears things up. she did it only for like 20 seconds at a time and then said her neck hurt.

but she sucked at being a human being

>>576233683
nope. not too far off though

>>576227279
>be me
>16
>first car
>driving through school parking lot going mach 5
>hit assitant principal and get expelled
>went and got GED
I should have finished the job

>>576234406
>mach 5
>mach
>mac
>big mac
landwhale sighted

>8th grade
> hacked into typing class computers, ran class server through a proxy, uploaded a virus that popped up porn that was fucking unstoppable. Every time you turned them in BAM BAM BAM BAM.BAM BAM BAMMMM hundreds of porn jpgs

>Junior year
>Turn 16
>Get parents old car
>Dat privilege
>Me and best friend drive around
>Bored out of our minds
>Hit up 7-11
>Get drinks
>Decide to piss in one of the bottles
>Drive around
>Throw pee at people jogging
>Throw pee at kids playing basketball in the street
>Lols all around

>>576234990
Did you ever get caught?

>>576227279
>BE NOT ME
>in vocational school for IT
>some asshole has a flashdrive
>goes around whole room while professor is out plugging it into all the machines
>brings all important dll files onto desktop
>half of class mass deletes them into recycle bin
>the carnage
>he is expelled and rage ensues

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>Be smart, attractive enough junior
>Live in hickville town where "will probably succeed in life" is something that women see so little of they find it attractive
>Go to party, my older sister had bought some shitty rum for me
>fukya.jpg
>Girl who has been all over my johnson for literally weeks there
>7/10 blonde, but with this really obvious lazy-eye
>Im drunk enough to want to push her buttons, just to see how much she would put up with
>She's drunk enough to put up with a whole lot of shit and still want my dick
>We get into bedroom, clothes off, aww yeah
>But then, her fucking lazy-eye
>Fuck that thing
>See paper bag I brought my rum in
>"hey lazy-eye anonette, you wanna do something really hot? put this paper bag on your head."
>without skipping a fucking beat, "sure thing"
>Never expected her to actually do it
>Mfw we cut a hole for her mouth, but not her eyes
>Mfw I jizzed on the paper bag

She still hasn't talked to me since, not that I can blame her

>>576227279
>9th grade
>In class
>Fuck work, going to sleep
>Kid starts talking shit right in front of me
>You srs bro?
>Stab him in the arm with pen
>Only get 1 week suspension and 10 hours of community service
>Asperger's diagnosis get out of jail free card.jpg

>>576227279
>tfw you took a huge shit in someones school bag
>private school doesn't call the police because they don't want no scandal

>10th grade
>School library
>Getting head from girlfriend
>4/10 too many teeth
>Look up
>English Lit. teacher looking right at me
>Yank out
>Repeat: 4/10 TOO MANY TEETH

>>576235245
you're lucky someone like me didn't find you and set that car a blaze and make you watch

>be me
>kids stand in front of locker
>tell them to move
>they don't
>walk away

>>576236854
>those edges

>>576236858
3edgy5me

>>576237164
don't believe me?

>>576237293
Nope

> be me country kid
> literally a fucking cow town
> senior prank time
> steal neighbors cow and walk it up to roof of building
> mfw cows can't walk down stairs and they had to get a crane
> also filled principals office full of ducks and chickens

>>576237369
you sure?

>>576235858
Did you go to school in PA?

>>576237701
>>576237369
Just fuck already you autists

>>576237701
Your aspergers is showing

>>576227406
that's not that fucked up, you're an idiot. i did the same thing in high school (sans stealing passwords cause i'm not a cumcatcher) even the teachers applauded my work because i guess they didn't like being barred from certain sites either, i just became the go-to guy for IT at my school. which was funny because i was like 15 at the time and everybody else was 18+ (hooray alternative education!)

>>576227406

Kill yourself

>>576237950
so you're absolutely sure?

>>576238738
100%

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>>576238738

>>576236858
Alpha bro

not me but my idea
>i must've seen it on the internet, there was no way i magically came up with this.
>piss all over the toilet paper rolls in the bathroom.
>so i go into school and tell my dumbasss friends at lunch about the idea.
>i'm to big of a pussy to do it
>convince dumbass friend to do it.
>he does it every day during lunch
>pisses all over the holder in the one stall.
>pinches dick half way through runs to other stall
>he starts drinking a lot of lquids to leave class and do it in all the bathrooms in school
>people are getting pissed.
>pun intended
>principals search madly for the culprit
>other friend starts pisssing in the heaters in the bathroom
>kek
>freshman walks in and sees friend pinching dick and running between stalls
>mfw he tells a teacher
>poor ty got suspended for 2 weeks
>had to go infront of the school board because they wanted to suspened him.

anyone wanna heat that time we brought a "gun" to school? made the news and everything. kek

>>576237956
>i was 10 years old
>a 7/10 was waiting at the top of the stairs
>i could see her panties
>(huge bone insues)
>spaghetty all over the place;

>>576238932
go5it

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>>576235460
I shit on myself

>>576239221
>Dat filename

When I was 14 I had a gay relationship with my best friend for 6 months. No kissing or gay shit like that, only sucking his dick, 69ing and him fucking my ass. I was always the bottom.

>>576237605
why cant they just shoot the fucking cow and drag it down

>>576227279
>Be in class with very ugly fat azn girl that always gets picked on
>And one smoking hot blonde every boy wanted to fuck including me
>The blonde girl starts bullying insulting ugly azn, asshole classmates laugh
>She grabs the bag of the azn and hurls it out of the window, starts pulling her hair now too.
>azn girl doesn't defend herself and just takes it
>I get pissed off and slap blonde girl in the face
>she starts crying
>4 guys beat me to shit to impress her

I will fucking hate the memory of that day for the rest of my life. Faith in humanity never recovered since.

>be me 17 dingdongin and ditching

>having fun but it gets old after awhile tho

>so me and my friends decide to spice it up

>Ding dong trip is invented

>basically you get fishing line make sure its a strong test line we braided ours

>find good houses with front porches with railing and steps

>creep up in the dead of night or morning and tie the fishing line to the porch railing low over the stairs and walla a trip line

>then one of your friends knocks or rings the bell then runs in the street and starts mooning the person or cursing at them causing them to rush him

>And timber they go

>cont?

>>576235460
Die, jk, and KKK all in one ID. Nice

>>576239393
>No kissing or gay shit like that
>only sucking his dick, 69ing and him fucking my ass. I was always the bottom.

i'm not gay though guys!

>>576239450
Cows aren't cheap nigger

>>576239625
>>576239625
Yeah dude no gay shit.

>>576238932
>be me. 17 or 18 idk. Senior year
>me and 2 best friends work at a car dealship washing cars
>friend 1 (lets call him Ty) cleans one salesmans house weekly for extra money
>steals one of his sons toy guns the day
>shit looks pretty real
>friend decided to was his car after work one day
>I see gun.
>fuck it. Grinded the orange tip off
>leave work
next day
>my car’s batterys dead.
>fuck it
>call Ty for ride to school
>he always brings our other bud from work (Al)
>school day ends
>I sit shot gun, Al sits in back, Ty drives
>Al see’s gun on floor
>starts pointing it at everyone telling them to get on the ground
>kek
>I freak out. Saying we are gonna be fucked
>drive to my house
>he sees a kid walking
(1 of 2)

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>chillin with the homies at lunch
>come up with genious and original plan
>drop piece of paper where there was a shit ton of traffic at lunch reading "bomb will go off at 2:30"
>we all go to the same class
>when school locks down everybody sits under desks and what not
>the homies and I would sit there trying not to topkek out loud
>repeat once more during the same year
>never caught
>all go to same class

>in a coma
>fat guy in this coma dream teaching me to fight
>wake up
>take long road to south city
>fly to my friends
>shit like three of them niggas died
>son is crying like a bitch
>beat the shit out of the guy who killed my friends
>that'll teach him
>than his friend kills him
>?
>I fight him
>shit I might win
>he goes ape shit
>shit I might die
>fat neck beard friend slashes the ape shit guy with his katana
>ape shit guy runs
>get dragon balls to revive my friends

First green text I tried

>>576227279
That shit was cringy as fuck.

>>576239785
>tells elementary schooler to get on the ground driving past pointing fake gun at him
>I’m like wtf just get me home at this point
>get home. Jump my car
>goto work
>Al get’s a phone call 2 hours into work
>police were at his house
>OUR FUCKING POLICE DEPARTMENT POSTED A FACEBOOK STATUS ASKING WHO HAD THE GUN AT SCHOOL AND ALL THE FAGGOTS SNITCHED
>he leaves work
>they then show up at Ty’s house
>he gives them the fake gun
next day
>get to school. 4 police offercers there and news crew out front
>oh fuck
>get drug into the office
>write my statement. Seeing my principal being intervied.
>we are so fucked
>I was a innocent bistandered
>friends get suspeneded for a month
>I get nothing
>kids driving got fucked with charges since he was 18
>other kid got off kinda light.
Good times.
Maybe I’ll link you the news video if interested.

>>576237605
Throw a crane in the pool, it takes a mattress to get it out

>Be me, just a few days ago
>Really had to take a dump so i head to the toilets as i just finished History period
>Go into cubicle and take mad dump
>When about to wipe, realize there's no TP
>ohshitman.png
>Thinking of how the hell am i gonna get other TP from other stall when there's other people around
>lightbulbidea.gif
>rip out blank pages from math book in bag in stall with me
>fold them up enough to be thick enough to wipe ass
>clean most of it, but am able to put pants back on and get TP from another stall to complete the job
>head over to next period 5-8 mins late
>teacher doesn't care for me being little late
>mfw i used book paper to wipe shit off my ass

>>576239543
Cont

Got a middle school story
>be 13
>this kid gives me his hotmail password for no reason
>bored one night
>login to his account
>write a mesage to everyone in his contact list, my contact list, added some teachers email addresses as well as the school principal
>write about how small "my" penis is and how i want to get every girl in my grade pregnant as well as the principal
>go to school next day
>start hearing about this "hacker"
>turns out they're talking about me
>lol 'cause "hacker"
>nobody knows who it is
>principal gave a warning to everyone saying that if nobody comes out and confesses, they'll get to police involved
>don't confess..
>police comes to my class to talk to us about cyber-bullying
>claims he knows who it is
>gives us one day to come clean
>next day
>first thing in the morning, come clean to the principal
>made up some bullshit that i was peer pressured by an older cousin
>tell her that my parents are only home after 5:00pm
>get home after school at 3:00 pm
>unplug phone line
>got a police record at the age of 13, parents never found out.

>>576240510
Vids or it didnt happen

>>576240941
wnep.com /2013/03/06/facebook-post-helps-police-solve-case/
boom

>>576237209
(N)edgy(N+2)me

>>576240020
LOL

>Steal bulk canisters of glitter from art closet
>Glitter Fight
>School is covered in glitter for weeks
>Chuck beers in the Bathroom
>Crush cans and leave in the toilet
>Get drunk on the roof
>Leave bottles in the skylight above the lunch room
>Break into trophy case
>Toss the trophies back and forth
>Drop and break the trophies
>Pile them back into the case
>Force open all of the handicap doors
>Do it over and over until they break
>Steal all of the door stops
>Steal all of the replacements
>Do this until the woodshop runs out of wood, and funding for the rest of the year
>No more fucking door stops
>Play hacky sack every day in large groups
>Sell/use drugs and booze from hacky sack circle
>Get hacky sacks stuck on roof
>Get janitors to get them down
>Janitors refuse to do it anymore
>War on Janitors
>Steal handfulls of mustard packets at lunch every day
>Throw them into a chosen crawl space
>Switch to chocolate milk
>Collect unwanted food from random kids
>Everything spoils and goes rotten
>Janitors eventually have to use crawl space
>Find disgusting pile of mushy rancid shit in the way, completely furious
>Discover janitors sneak away from school and smoke cigarettes across the street in a little hut
>Spread rumors that they smoke meth every day in that little hut
>People notice them sneaking off, see smoke, freak out
>All the janitors get drug tested
>A few of them get fired lol
>Break into concession booth
>Stuff as much shit into our backpacks as we can
>Make 3 total trips
>Cover the school in graffiti using brake fluid so it bleeds through the cover paint
>Force school to install extra cameras for all of the vandalism and theft
>School budget dwindling while they struggle to find new janitors

>Submit our jackass friend to become the class president
>make huge campaign handing out stolen candy bars
>Dump out garbage cans and spread the trash all over the school
>Jackass friend's slogan is "clean up (our school's name)
>He almost got voted in

>in math
>students in seats in front of me brought toy cap gun to school
>they turn around
>"anon, jump up and start shootin'"
>vaguely recall a news report where some student got in real shit for doing that
>9.5/10 girl sitting next to me turned to me
>"Do it, anon" she said
>friends in seat in front of me still staring at me
>doitfaggot.jpg
>stand & squeeze 3 shots in the teacher's direction, students hit the deck
>ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg
>"ANON GET OUT!"
>eventually resulting in a trip to the deputy principal's office
>acting dep principal had same look on his face as teacher
>he explained if I done that in my teacher's husband's class I may have killed him due to heart condition
>school sent letter home
>intercept mail
>stuck on a discipline level or whatever
>no media coverage

>>576227279
Cool story bro, needs more dragons and shit.
>Best scores on country

>be average high school meathead
>football team is obsessed with protein shakes
>everyone is always trying to create the best one
>i pioneer the half Baileys/half protein shake so we can get a buzz on during the slow days
>only tell my close friends, instant badass for drinking 7% alcohol in school
>word gets out, everybody wants to try this nectar of the ripped gods
>kid i hate asks me to make him one, i agree to give it to him the next morning during weights
>hit up Walgreens, buy 12 pack powdered laxative
>mix all 12 with protein powder and Baileys and give it to him
>trying so hard not to die laughing while he chugs it
>we all leave, go to our respective classes for the day
>5th period, get called to the office
>there is an ambulance and a cop car parked out front of the school
>Fuckme.jpg
>get to the office, apparently he was shitting so violently, he had to go to the hospital.
>One of my friends ratted me out
>i only got 3 days of ISS
>bathroom he destroyed was blocked off for the week

>be 16
>10th grade
>start smoking pot
>start smoking pot more and more 'cause fuck yeah, pot
>be high as fuck in gym class
>go chill in friends car during lunch hour
>hotboxed the car, 14 bong hits
>never been so high in my life
>thought the floor was gonna cave in
>go to math class
>i'm in advanced math
>teacher notices I'm high
>"Welp, you gotta be high to be in high math!"
>laughed about it with him the next day
>promised to stop smoking 'til school year was over

>>576241789
Carl?

>>576227406
>thinking you're a badass, telling everyone, get caught

not cool.

>>576239543
please

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>be 13
>riding on bus with friends
>bus i ride is with middle school AND intermediate school kids
>talking with my friends about stupid shit
>intermediate kid starts mocking friend
>bus gets quiet
>friend says "shut the fuck up you stupid nigger."
>holyfuck.jpg
>bus driver hears
>does nothing
>kid told on us for bullying
>"that fucking snitch"
>nothing happened
that is all I got. not the best, but it is all i got.

>>576241514
winrar

>>576237956
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Smoked a blunt in school

Fapped on more than 20 toilet seats.

Threw a dead fingernail in some girls purse

Superglued on toilet seet

Had access to printer controls in library on finals day i canceled all in going activities to the printer. Was not blocked. Caused a whole class to fail

Lost english book stole other kids went to teachers paper in school re-wrote new number i had stolen. Pulled it off and teacher said "must have issued a new one"

haha bitchesss

>>576242096
Fucking lol'd!

>>576227406
Did you go to NA

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OP's story is lies and slander
exe...
1. usb is not able to be booted from unless the internal drive is disconnected or no OS exists on the system currently
2. exit node is not a real thing its called a DEFAULT GATEWAY fucking pleb
3. "shit spyware" requires a password in order to access or change anything involved

>>576235460
>>576239617
nigga you killed it, super underated post/ id

>>576242132
When in Rome, do as the Vandals do.

>>576241103
fuckin kek

>>576242720
not sure if bait

>>576239494
>having faith in humanity
>faggot

>shat in bathroom
>didn't flush

> country kid part 2
> be in middle school
> ride 4 wheeler to school everyday
> have extra .22 round in pocket
> throw bullets again cement wall and watch them explode for shots and giggles
> also bring shotgun to school during duck season and no one cares

>>576234394
Stop being a faggot and tell us why she sucked so much

>>576239494
You did a good thing anon

>>576242974
like 15 faggots went to court to testify, i refused. i kept saying it was all a blur. that month leading up to when all the charges came in the mail and i didnt get any were the scariest fucking weeks of my life lmao. i can get a list of what they were charged with too if interested. atleast the driver.

>>576243340
Except the fact that she probably became a tumblrina now.

This isn't fucked up but it's funny as hell.
>be me freshmen year
>band trip to Corpus Christi
>6 people per room in condos on a beach
>Some fag brought a blow up dolphin
> fag 2 brought a fishing pole
>idea.jpg
>Duck tape string to dolphin
>Lower from balcony to balcony below us
>People below us yanked dolphin off
>ohshit.gif
>People below us put pillow over dolphins head and send pics on snap chat holding the fuckers hostage
>shitjustgotreal.img
>Attaches dolphin in chair to fishing pole
>bring chair and dolphin back up to our balcony

It was hilarious at the time.

>>576235460
Beautiful

>>576242720
umm..

you can boot into USB as long as the usb contains a boot partition and the mobo supports usb boot and it's not disabled in bios settings. Although boot an .exe file from usb? not possible.

>>576240650
i sometimes the "clean parts" of used tp on bathrooms

>>576227279
I allmost scammed a drug dealer

>>576242507
Don't know what NA is, but I've never been to a school with the initials of NA

>be 15
>ask girl out on MSN
>tells me her parents don't let her date
>send her a picture of my dick
>offered to blow me but not to go out with me
>sure
>"tell me when you're gonna cum"
>don't tell her
>starts choking on my cum
>calls me an asshole
>haven't spoken to her since
>i'm 27 and we work in the same office building
>she's single
>i have 2 kids

>>57623576239221 what type of nigga shit is this

>>576227406
this is the plot to hackers

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and one more

>seasoned at holding in my shit
>during childhood i would be able to go 3-4 weeks without taking a shit
>when i felt my internals stuffed, i would decide that it was time to poop
> i would sit on the toilet for 10-15 minutes, taking my time, letting my anus stretch open for the size of the monster
>occassionally i would bleed, depends on howmuch it would build up
>decided to use my skill for the better of our school
>told my homies that i would take a dump and place it right infront of the entrance to the bathroom when nobody was around ( we kinda hung out by the entrance, so they could watch )
> would go into the bathrooms and shit on the floor during lunch

You guys gotta understand that this is the most inhumane looking turd you'll never see, it was covered in blood, black as shit, and was massive in size

>anyways
>would shit on TP then made sure nobody was around by sticking my head out
>take TP by the sides with Deathwing in the middle, and place it infront of door and casually walk out back to chill spot
>mfw when watching high schoolers walk to entrance of the bathroom, make some horrid face, and quickly leave.

>>576239543
Great way to kill someone

>>576241103
noice

>>576227279

>Be me
>17
>Have gone entire school career without ever shitting at school.
>Piss sure, but never shit.
>Body has grown used to not even trying to shit before like 5 pm.
>Need to take antibiotics for a couple weeks, diarrhea constantly, resets whole bowel movement cycle.
>End up having to shit at school, can't hold it.
>I was so fucking close to a clean sweep of no shitting at school up until college.
>So fucking close.
>Have a minor freakout in the stall after shitting.
>Grab some of the shit, and write POO on the wall above the toilet.
>Feel better, return to class without flushing.

>>576244238
I just fucking laughed my nipples off!

>>576239494

>be in class with pasty whiteknight faggot
>me = 2/10 azn grill
>I always have to sit next to this blonde cheerleader whore
>she's getting boned by her dad and hates it, makes everyone around her suffer for it, espesh me
>one day she's being super pissy
>tosses my bag out the window
>pulls my hair
>I don't respond because I'm beta that way, this is how I expect to be treated
>suddenly faggot engages, slaps blonde she-devil in the face
>she starts crying
>faggot gets the shit beat out of him

I will always remember that day, though. Faith in humanity restored.

> P.E class has changing rooms\showers right beside each other.
> Technical Studies just feet away, down the hall.
> Concoct the ultimate idea ever thought of by pubescent teen.
> Manufacture gloryhole during lunch hour. Ingeniously plug it to make it seem like a patched up hole in the wall.
> Had to have a woman on the inside.
> Mfw gf and I christen this future sight of sexual pilgrimage with my spunk and her saliva.
> We wait. Slowly introduce confidants to our magic lunchtime grove.
> GF spreads word to slutty elements of the student body.
> I have given these young people an outlet for all dat sexual tension.
> Fat beta lost his V to this thing. One of the few who know the origins of this now mythical hole.
> Becomes my best buddy.
> I have given hope to the betas.
> GF uses it to cheat on me.
> Should have seen it cumming.
> I dont care, dick gets wet at the watering hole instead.
> Golden age of sexual promiscuity ensues.
> Eventually discovered and patched up.

> The faculty heard rumors.
> Enough to substantiate investigation

>>576242720
kek.
Learn your fucking shit, pleb.
1. Bullshit, change default boot option in BIOS/UEFI.
2. Exit node is a thing fucking pleb. See the shitty Tor Network for an example.
3. Nig Nog u srs? Assuming your 'shit spyware' and my 'shit spyware' were the same, if there's nothing for that shit to run, IT WON'T FUCKING RUN.
Please refrain from any more pleb tier comments until you actually grow a brain.

>frequently snuck into girl's locker room after school
>gym/locker rooms set up in a way that i can hear people coming with plenty of time to get out
>lockers were cheap-ass, sometimes easy t obust open
>stole many pairs of panties/bras for sniffing/jerking into

>guy gave me shit for first few years of high school
>tried beating on me a few times
>too much of a pussy to stand up to him
>eventually fought back
>chipped 2 of his teeth and broke his nose
>he broke my nose and bruised up my ribs bad
>he stopped giving me shit
>started bothing younger kids instead
>Felt bad for them
>decided to teach him a lesson
>make him a victim
>he would stand outside the elevators and basically berate kids in wheelchairs and shit
>one day waited til just before classes started
>last stragglers of kids needing the elevator coming through
>waited til it was mostly clear
>jumped the guy and beat the shit out of him
>making sure to keep him facing away from me so he wouldnt recognise me
>pinned him down and wailed on him
>Stood in stairwell
>kid with crutches comes out of the elevator
>Emerge from stairwell
>people look out of classrooms to see what the commotion was
>pass it off like kid in crutches beat the shit out of him
>in luck
>kid goes along with it
>kid gets suspended for like 3 days
>Comes back and is a fucking king
>normally isolated and shit but now everyone talks to him
>bully guys friends stop talking to him
>"you got beat up by a spaz" etc.
>guy ends up totally isolated for last few years of school
>goes to same college as me
>Still cant make friends
>is crippled socially
>total loner
>ended up trying to kill himself by jumping off a bridge
>is currently in some psychiatric care unit because of it

wasnt done entirely in high school but my action in high school inadvertently lead to him being like that. horribly enough i dont regret it.

I was a prick in school.

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>10th grade
>English Class
>Studying Harlem Renaissance
>Walk into class and teacher and sick grin on
>Take our seats
>She says that we will be having a debate today and you get to choose your own side
>She says the topic of the debate is who should be able to say nigger
>Asks class to pick a side
>98% of class choose no one should be able to say it
>1% says only blacks
>I say that everyone should be able to say it
>White prissy bitch who thinks she knows everything calls me out
>Says Im a terrible person and that no one should say it because of the history the word represent
>I say that I should be able to say whatever I want, political correctness is bs
>She says "well you're not gonna go up to a black guy and call him a nigger!!!"
>She knows shes almost defeated
>Finishing blow coming at ya
>"Well I'm not gonna go up to you and called you a cunt"
>INSTANTLY bitches in the room start gasping
>One slut in the room is laughing her ass off
>Guys are giving me the thumbs up
>Teacher is contemplating sending me to the office
>Prissy bitch insists on it
>Get sent
>Tell guy Principle what happened
>"It was out of context, she was probably on the rag"
>mfw

>>576243385
do it faggot

>>576227279
I'm drunk so short version
>annoying rich kid in a school of economically disadvantaged students (shit school, shit city, shit everything except the music program)
>kid is a percussionist like I am so I had to see his faggot ass everyday
>talks about himself and his expensive equipment all the time
>can't actually play his instrument well enough to over take my throne of the drum line or to beat me in region/state auditions
>he gets frustrated that he can't win even though he practices as much if not more than I do
>eventually tries to audition for rival high school line in hopes of getting a good spot
>their director tells our director, our director tells me loling about it, going to confront him and act really upset and shit
>my buddies and I decide to take matters into our own hands
>parents bought him a 50k volvo sports car
>get my friend to shit on his new car
>literally shat on his windshield, another guy smeared the shit with his bare hand to really get it all over the windshield
>put some under both door handles
>throw small chunks of shit at windows
>did this in broad daylight
>run back and hide to see his reaction
>priceless

He tried to go to his old house which was 45 minutes outside of town and wash it off with a water hose which made it worse. His parents came in trying to sue for damages but nothing came of it. We ended up having our asses covered by our director who didn't take to kindly to the idea of us shitting on a kids car but he still thought it was fucking hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28GoJoHTsno&list=UUL-qldsgw2YB8MRjBP_fPFg

>vid related
it's that kid during his high school years kek

>>576242138
>haha bitchesss

>newfag

>>576244934
M1 Conspiracy - Terroristic Threats W/ Int To Terrorize Another
M2 Conspiracy - Simple Assault
M3 Conspiracy - Harassment - Comm. Lewd,
Threatening, Etc. Language
C S Conspiracy - Disorderly Conduct Engage In Fighting
C S Conspiracy - Disorder Conduct Obscene Lang/Gest
C S Conspiracy - Disorder Conduct Hazardous/Physi Off
>fag

>>576243547
What HS did you go to?

>>576239393
>>576239625
>>576239701

Its not gay unless you kiss.

>>576243385
Do it

>>576243158
> throw bullets again cement wall and watch them explode
If you knew anything about anything and weren't trying to be some ameri-fag country asshole you'd know how many reasons there are that this shit couldn't happen.

>>576245421
>>576245195
look above you

>>576243526
Fuck

>>576245335
LCHS
You go there?
I know a few fags there that go on 4chan

>>576244747

another incident

>got detention for calling a kid a cunt
>kid was claiming anyone who isnt religious are morally bankrupt and nothing short of filth
>detention is served helping decorate for school christmas show
>little prick is in it
>theres a litttle corridor next to the stage thats pitch black
>used to entering the stage
>kid does ballet with like 15 girls and is doing sugar plum fairy at the show
>find bag of baubles from christmas trees
>take just enough so they wont be noticed missing
>break them up into shards
>keep in linen bag next to stage
>rehearsals for show
>little prick makes his enterance about 30 seconds after the girls
>perfect window of oppourtunity
>Wait for girls to walk onstage
>grab bag and empty its contents into the little corridor
>kid comes running down corridor in his slippers
>shards dig in everywhere
>kids feet cut to shit
>feign ignorance
>kids from tech department get the blame
>they were in charge of decorating the trees
>2 kids are suspended
>christmas trees decorated by janitor for next few years

>>576242720
Are you fucking retarded? You can boot cd and usb from the boot menu dip shit

>>576245865
>band trip to corpus
there's nothing in corpus

>>576227279
>be senior in highschool
>big time stoner
>like to chill in electronics closet above the drama room
>small closet, big enough to lie down in, nice and warm, no one goes up there
>all the lights and speakers and shit all connect to a big power outlet in the closet
>One day, drama geeks are doing a play
>macbeth or some shit, I dunno
>Lie down on all the cords, doze off for a while
>suddenly awake
>panic, thinking ive been there for hours, really only about 10 minutes
>try to stand up, get caught in cords, rip them all off me and stumble out of closet
>CRASH!
>oh fuck what the fuck
>go down to drama stage
>blood everywhere, some kid stuck under a huge stage lamp
>When I was fucking around with the cords, I disconnected a lamp from its holder
>lamp fell, crushing kid, broken leg, punctured artery
>get the fuck outta there, run home, get high and eat pizza pops
>still no regrets

>Come from a well off family
>Step-sister is a bitch
>Still, want to fuck her
>New holier-than-thou girl starts at our school
>Step-sister bets me I can't corrupt her
>Get brunette virgin obsessed with me in meantime
>Fuck holier-than-thou chick the same day she moves again

Felt good man

>>576231249
>shit story but its my first green text so yea
no one cares
leave and never come back

>be punky white boy in upper class high school
>really into cars
>after school one day everybody at the parking lot with their cars and what not
>walking to my car and notice football player's nice car with his girlfriend sitting on top of it
>she smiles at me and i smile back
>walk up to my car and she compliments me saying nice car
>one thing lead to another and her jocky boyfriend showed up accusing me of talking to her girlfriend
>we both talk shit and eventually agree to a race, the girlfriend being the prize.
>all the kids followed us up to some neighborhood that was under construction at the time, they cut the locks to the gates and we drive in
>i pull up to my side of the road revving my engine
>vin diesel pulls up next to me
>he opens the door
>he gets on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>>576245445
They're rim fire rounds faggot. They don't need a firing pin to set them offf. Only force

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>>576244574
Ill be honest anon
I keked
and I keked pretty hard

Winrar.

>>576246021
There's a band contest. And we got to miss a day of school.

>be me, grade 6
>in gym class
>girl walks by me
>brushes my cock slightly
>get an eshreked 9 inch
>take her into the washroom
>gets laid.

>>576240539
put a crane on the roof, it takes a pool to cow it down

>>576245445
Nig Nog you just went full retard.

>>576244574
>write POO on the wall above the toilet.
fuck
Yes, yes it is, anon.
I can only imagine the reaction of awe, horror and disgust of the person who found it.

>>576245958

last one

>asked to help autismal as fuck kid in math class
>kid is nice enough but wouldnt want to be friends with him
>thinks because i help him we're friends
>puppy dogs after me everywhere
>hate him
>tells everyone we're "boyfriends"
>doesnt even realise what it means
>wont take the hint to fuck off
>Decide to get rid of him
>convince him 9/10 girl 2 years above likes him
>start leaving horribly forged love notes for him
>she smiles at everyone (shes actually really nice, not typical up herself bitch)
>he takes her smiles as evidence of love
>kid becomes infatuated with her
>talks about her constantly
>make no effort to discourage him
>didnt plan on next stage though
>at halloween the school does karaoke/ talent show on the last friday before halloween
>kid is going to do karaoke
>Actually a great singer
>does his rendition of soul man
>fucking ovation an everything
>Seizes his chance
>Asks her out onstage infront of most of the school
>fucking thunderous silence
>people start laughing and whispering and shit
>she just cringes and hides her face
>kid is totally crushed
>practically starts crying
>dont see him for long time
>told by teacher he moved to a school "better suited to his needs"

upside to this tale, ran into the guy about 3 years ago. still autismal as fuck but landed a pretty decent job as a graphic designer. was engaged to a definite 8/10 who was with him. has nice house and shit. kid was on the way too. actually still feel bad for fucking with him.

>>576246424
That's literally the plot of fast and the-- oh...
10/10

Don't have very good ones but here goes
>Buddy and I chillin in the bathroom
>sees big Fritos truck pull up to deliver shit to the school
>Buddy starts throwing toilet paper rolls out the window trying to hit the truck
>rolls wont go far enough
>gets idea
>dunks roll in toilet
>chucks it at the truck
>hits with a loud thunk
>kek
>2 periods later gets called to office
>Walk in, see buddy sitting there
>He just looks at me and shakes his head
>Principal has the fucking wet roll on his desk
>try not to laugh
>"I know it was you anon"
>Can never prove it and buddy didn't snitch
>never get busted

>be 7th grade shithead
>hang out with group of shithead friends
>one kid was really short, we'll call him Gus
>one day, me and three other dudes see if we can pick Gus up
>we pick him up from his back, two people holding his legs, two holding his shoulder, facing up
>I say "hey, I know that guy over there, let's ram Gus into him!"
>we all run toward the unsuspecting 7th grader and ram Gus straight into his back, like a battering ram
>kid drops to ground, we drop Gus and all run away laughing

we did that several more times throughout the year, usually targeting people we knew but weren't very good friends with. Somehow we never got in trouble or got our asses kicked.

>be still in high school
>tell boring stories on /b/
>think they are interesting
>because still in high school

>>576247989
I remember being in 7th grade and really into skating and parkour. we were all really into jackass so we made sure when we parkour'd shit we'd be landing in a thorn bush or somehow if you didn't land correctly, you'd be royally fucked and got it all on film on a razor flip phone
Good times...

>girl sees me in hallway and instantly locks
>for months, she carries out a process of seeing me walk in the hallway. Gets excited to hold doors open for me. 100% fangirling.
>She messages me on tumblr
>instantaneously we spark
>there was never an "asking out" but we both just sort of knew
>two months in I cheat on her with another girl at a bonfire
>go to another bonfire and cheat on her again with a different girl
>contemplate not telling her, then I find out someone else already has
>don't talk for a few days
>surprisingly, she says yes when I ask if we could meet up and have our final talk on the subject. Well, kind of..
>"You can't come to my house."
>we agree she'll come to my house, then walk to an area where my family isn't, like the beach or something
>she gets to my house and invites herself in. Sits down on the chair and pouts.
>I come out
>"I don't wanna walk."
>Have the worst, most painful, most irritating fucking conversation in the entire world
>Go inside and take a bottle of pills because I'm just so fucking done dealing with everybody. (this was a stupid mistake and I own that)
>they tear up my stomach and I go vomit blood into the toilet
>she's in tears and says she'll give me another chance
>date for another four months, totaling six months.
>Short bursts of angriness and fighting, mostly happy, sometimes just okay
>decide I'm done dealing with her and I'm gonna break up with her
>start talking to another girl, Tally
>Tally says she's had a giant crush on me for as long as she can remember. We talk about going on a date, and we very seriously talk about getting together. She asks me if I'm single, but I equivocate.
>End up not breaking it off with Emily because, well, I'd be the biggest asshole ever if I did all of this AND THEN broke up with her on top of that.
>Spend three months trying to get her to break up with me. Pretend to get angry about stupid things.

cont'd

>>576239543
>killing your local townsmen

>>576248182

Haha. So much this.

Ok.

In 9th grade,
Put incense In our friends locker while it was lit. Like 30 of them.

Fire dept came. They pulled him out of class. He had no clue what the fuck happened to we told him. He almost got suspended.

Also. Used to get m80s and blockbusters. Boys bathroom across hall from lunch room had no door, just a zig zag entrance. We put a timer (ciggarrete) on the fuse of a blockbuster. In corner of the boys bathroom. Mfw school thought someone fired a large gun and whole lunchroom erupts into panic.

>>576242754
Fuck yes. I think hitler bad, vandals good might've been better though.

Unfortunately we couldn't do any of that shit at our school, there were fucking cameras everywhere because niggers. The most we were ever able to do was steal like 30+ staplers and some bricks from a bathroom wall.

Gather round, for the story of Scottie.
>last year, senior year
>in the gifted program, so I end up getting stuck with the "overflow " kids
>overflow means semi tard
>One freshman overflow kid named Scottie, about 4 feet tall and 300 pounds
>has terrible exema that he doesn't treat because he thinks it makes him look like an alligator, so it makes him cool
>OBSESSED with pokemon
>suspended for downloading pokemon and mine craft related hentai on school computers
>Scottie thinks I'm a fucking god
>follows me around, acts like we're best friends
Cont.

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>Be 16
>Getting ready to move
>Moving cross country
>Last week at school
>Have crazy idea
>8/10 girl my friend is dating
>Talk to her after school one day
>Tell her I saw her boyfriend cheating on her
>She's not convinced at first
>She tries calling him
>He's not picking up
>I eventually convince her of the lie
>She's heartbroken
>Begins crying on the curb
>Comfort her and pretend I care
>Offer her dinner at my place
>MFW I ended up fucking her and moving away before they could figure out my plan


Found out a few days later after moving that all fucking hell broke loose, she confronted him about cheating and he found out I fucked her and he ended up beating the unholy fuck out of her in the cafeteria and ended up getting expelled, meanwhile I'm miles away fucking some new dumb bitch at my new school, life was sweet back then.

>>576249080
>timer (cigarette)

Fuckin fire safe cigarettes nowadays, they go out everywhere but in an ashtray

>>576249469

Is that why they do that?!? I thought it was just coincidence. Newports stay light ya know...

>>576249469

Yeah. This was when they would not go out. We used to do it all the time outside of school. Cops showed up once. It would be great cause it would take like 5-15 min before the bomb would go off. Great spot was put one next to a huge abandoned empty gas tank. Like the ones you would see at a refinery. Shit was so loud police from 2 towns showed up. We were innocent of course.

>>576249942

lit. fuck im lit.

>>576249235
Cont.
>tell him to leave me alone
>tardrageactivated
>throws his fedora at me
>crying and screaming
>punches a locker trying to look tough
>locker doesn't even dent, he breaks his hand
>can't get a cast because he's trailer park trash
>shows up with a makeshift cast made of duct tape and bandaids
>hand heals all fucked up
>after this, he thinks he is the toughest kid ever
>then, Justin
>Justin was a quarterback, and probably the smartest overflow kid. Should have been in normal classes
>Justin is fucking ripped
>he jokes around with Scottie a lot
>takes Scottie's Oreos one morning
>Scottie starts crying
>goes to front office
Cont.

>>576239393
no homo bro

>>576249942
Yeah but I'm not a nigger so that does me no good

>>576250137
Only gay if you fuck a guy and kiss. Other wise no homo.

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>girl criticizing ex
>get sick of the long facebook argument
>get the idea that the girl is being a cunt to my ex because i read her mother got cancer for a second time
>tell the girl her mother got cancer again because she's a whore
>mfw

>>576250081
>principal not there, administration tells g him to go back to class
>Scottie cries back to class, spilling his spaghetti everywhere
>Gets back, Oreos are back on desk
>Scottie says, and I quote
>"I COULD TAKE YOU DOWN, YOU WOULD JUST SLOW DOWN BECAUSE YOUR TOO BIG, I COULD TIRE YOU OUT BY RUNNING IN CORCLES, THEN KILL YOU WITH ONE PUNCH"
>I doubt Scottie can run
>try to intervene
>Scottie throws a punch
>and when I saw punch, think of being hit by a hackey sack
>Justin ignores him
>Scottie punches him in the face
>pick Scottie up, Throws him down and stomps on him
>stomps his nuts and face
>beats the shit out of him
>dented the linoleum tile
>Scottie suspended for 10 days, Justin gets of free in self defense
>Scottie comes back and tells everyone he won, and he had Justin on the floor crying and begging for mercy
Fuck Scottie

>>576249942

Not in NYC they don't stay lit.

>>576248838
>take her to Fright Fest
>I get off the phone with my mom on the ride there, she starts bitching at me and taking my mom's side
>I say she's fully aware that my mom and I have a poor relationship and it isn't her place to say anything. She has no business judging it
>she won't drop it
>get in, then I lead her over to a table.
>"Have a seat, dear. Let's have our final talk about this."
>it turns into me yelling at her and asking "Do you not want to be with me anymore?"
>usually she says "I do...more than anything."
>she stays silent for minutes
>I say "It's over."
>she cries
>I feel like crying too, but keep telling myself to be British
>She starts asking me questions, I figure she has a right to know if she wants to. I tell her most things. She slaps me.
>"I don't know what the hell else you could possibly do. You have cheated, you have lied, you have called me all manner of horrible names, you have stolen money from our piggy bank...and I've never walked away, because...because I love you (we'd never said that before). But this is just...I don't know what else you could possibly do. You've done it all. You make me feel like a toy."
>"Sorry. I don't know what to tell you, Bird."
>I was supposed to drive her home. We're 25 miles away, a 45 minute drive.
>"Do you want to call your mom so she can pick you up?" (she had no cell phone)
>She calls her mom and is crying so hard that her mom can't understand her.
>I have to take the phone and ask her mom if she'll come pick Emily up.
>She says she can't because she's at work.
>I drive her home anyway. I walk her to the door. She hadn't stopped bawling the whole ride home.
>she clings to me, gives me the biggest hug ever, and will absolutely not let go
>stay in silence for five minutes
>she's crying so hard she's shaking.
>tells me I was a very good boyfriend. She'll never love anyone like she loved me. She even says wholeheartedly that I'm a good person.


God fucking damn it. I'm horrible.

>>576244924
Shit myself

>>576251180
kek, you're a prick

>>576251180
You both sound fucking retarded in my opinion

>>576251180
You should have forced anal from her first.

>Be me, 18.
>Catch train to school.
>See 9/10 qt3.14 with huge tits from my school in the seat opposite me.
>Have a crush on her, so I secretly take a photo of her on my phone.
>In class later that day.
>Annoying popular girl in the seat next to me catches me looking at the photo I took.
>Says she can introduce me to qt3.14.
>Stays true to her word and I start dating qt3.14.
>holyshitlifeisperfect.pdf
>Annoying popular girl makes me kiss her as thanks.
>But qt3.14 is really shy and conservative. Got bullied because of her large breasts. Won't let me touch her.
>Tell annoying popular girl about it, she offers to let me practice on her in the meantime.
>Annoying popular girl and I start fucking. Begin to fall in love.
>Can't bear to break up with qt3.14, but don't want to deal with her.
>Annoying popular girl avoids me because she feels bad for qt3.14.
>Friend of annoying popular girl makes me break up with qt3.14.
>Suddenly on my own.
>Fast-forward a few weeks.
>See qt3.14 while out shopping.
>Overcome with guilt, I apologise to her.
>We get back together.
>But annoying popular girl is jealous.
>Calls me all the time.
>Claims I got her pregnant during the time we fucked.
>Head back to my place with qt3.14.
>Annoying popular girl is waiting in my apartment.
>catfight.jpg
>qt3.14 kisses me in front of her.
>Annoying popular girl leaves in tears.
>Text annoying girl saying that qt3.14 knows of a good hospital, hinting for her to get an abortion.
>She replies back, asking if we could meet the next day.
>Next day, open door, let her in.
>Sits on couch. Doesn't say anything.
>She leaves to make some drinks.
>Get a random text from her.
>Turn around.
>She lunges at me with a kitchen knife.
>Stabs me in the stomach.
>I fall over.
>She sits on top of me and stabs me 6 more times and I die.

I'm not quite sure what happened after that, but I think it pissed a lot of people off.

>>576240650
> just a few days ago

Under aged b8 bruham

>>576239221
I've played that game

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>>576232659
>mfw

>>576253739
Sounds like a plot to a shitty anime

>>576245445
lrn2rimfire

>be me
>took a crane to get it out

>>576251078

If I took one to NYC I bet it would faggot

>be me
>in math class
>teacher makes me sit in back since I talk too much
>cutie 3.14 moved to back because she talks too much too
>big test
>she stupid af so she asks me for answers
>I would give her the answers to her homework all the time so I decided to fuck with her
>gave every question she asked wrong
>she asked answers for a lot of em
>test scores come in
>I got a 84
>she got a 13
>my sides left this universe

>>576227279
Newbs forget about whole hard drive encryption.

>Senior Year
>Buddy decides to throw a decent sized party
>House is kinda big, so he tells everyone if they want to, they can sleep over
>Fuck Yes
>Everyone goes full alcoholic, and we're raging
>It's about 1 AM, full blast
>To the point, where the music is so loud, there have been phone calls to the house and no one could hear it
>several noise complaints later
>Here a knock at the door
>"That's sketchy"
>I start to wade my way to the back, just to be safe
>My buddy says he'll get it
>Drunk asshole Kevin beats him to it
>with a handle of Fireball in his hands
>THIS KID HAD FUCKING ALCOHOL ON HIM TO ANSWER THE DOOR
>of course, it's two cops
>they begin to speak, see the handle, and come in and arrest him
>as that's happening, 50 kids start running like gazelles towards the back, trying to funnel out a single person doorway
>RUN TO THE WOODS
>I run, decide to hop in a bush
There's more. Continue?

>>576253739
But if you died then who was phone?

>be sophomore
>be nerd
>coding in c++, java, proprietary languages, html, php, etc... little bit of everything
>have CAM class, which is like a high school major
>im in business and management because it's as close to CS as i can get
>doing my thing one day, realize i can't get on myspace in class (this was a LONG time ago)
>no one can get on myspace in class
>hmmm...
>investigate...
>discover that our internet is restricted by domain name only, no IP
>build invisible browser shell that will run a domain name and grab the IP and then access the page via the IP allowing you to surf unrestricted
>put it up on angelfire (LONG TIME AGO) page i ran for everyone to download
>totally anonymous, distributed, everyone starts surfing whatever they want
>admin can't figure it out because she's stupid

>>576256565
do it already you faggot

>be in grade 12
>has a crush
>ask her out
>gets laid
>she straddles my robust tent-pole
>I rub her bouncing Buddhas

>>576227279

>be a senior
>it's the height of Valtrex commercials
>you know, the herpes medicine
>be at lunch
>friend and I concoct brilliant plan
>we're going to re-enact the commercial
>we're both dudes
>walk to middle of lunch room
>have jock at nearby table do that finger whistle thing
>everyone quiets down and looks at us
>"I have genital herpes"
>friend doesn't say his line
>everyone starts clapping and laughing
>the sound is deafening
>get sent to the office
>we explain the joke to the principal
>he laughs about it
>we don't get in trouble

felt good, man.

>put colored film behind my lit teachers monitor screen so it looked like rgb was fucked
>tech guy is called in
>can't fucking fix it
>hes high as shit too
>lit teacher notices, he gets fired
>lit teacher still uses shitty yellow computer screen
>kek

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>>576233282
Where the fuck am I? Is this fucking Reddit? I don't give a flying fuck how you feel.

ITT: Faggots look for /r/4chan material

>>576256817
>senior year
>still a nerd
>heeeeelllllla nerd
>school employs some sort of post feature that uses a text box to send php code to the server
>find gaping vulnerability during execution, will allow server level access from any box outside the network
>go home
>design script to go in text box
>paste
>submit
>front page is INSTANTLY, not changed... at all...
>except after ten minutes it meta refreshes and loads meatspin...
>that was a fun day...

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>>576231249

>each day he attempts to take more food from her, eventually leading to him taking her whole lunch

Lost my shit when I read that.

8/10

>be me
>highschool
>fat virgin with high standerds but a huge cock roughly 12 inches from my asshole
>wears phedoras
>never gets laid
>cries

>>576227279
once said the N word out loud in front of a black person not thinking... sad too because i generally never used the word, but for some reason it came out.... felt bad about it forever...

>>576257064

one more

>be a senior
>have a class called Advanced Communications
>we basically make our own news show about current events at out school and in our town
>only 8 or 9 people in the class
>all seniors
>all cool people
>go around filming bullshit most of the class
>fast forward
>last episode
>we have to film a special goodbye for each person
>I get the genius idea to do a front flip off the bleachers onto a gymnastics mat
>30 feet up
>do it 3 times
>every time the camera-man fucks up the shot
>do it a 4th time
>instantly know I fucked up
>land on just the wrestling mats
>full on whiplash land on my heels
>hit back and shoulders
>lay there for about 5 minutes
>get up and walk away
>film a different goodbye a couple days later

that was the day I found out I was...UNBREAKABLE.

>be in middle school
>have group of fucked up friends who probably lurk /b/ now
>hanging out during lunch
>eating shitty lunch
>notice mayo packet
>tear tiny hole in it and shoot mayo with surprising accuracy and distance
>eventually we started drawing mayo doodles on the back of peoples shirts
>mfw they would walk to class before noticing

>>576256565
>>576256874
>before I get to a bush, though, I need to outrun everyone else
>Look to my left
>Kid eats shit on a tree root, and I'm about to die in laughter
>He gets interviewed, no charges
>10 seconds later
>Track star running about 25 yards to my right
>He looks behind him
>Doesn't see cop flanking him from the road
>GETS LAID THE FUCK OUT
>like, linebacker level of contact
>no charges either
>find my bush
>leap in, get snug, prepare to wait as long as possible
>Doing some typical bush hiding
>Not breathing hard, laying flat on my belly
>hear some rustling
>this faggot chris hops in a nearby bush, like 10 yards away.
>looks over
>sees me, and just nods
>word.jpg
>Cops coming near
>CHRIS' FUCKING PHONE GOES OFF
>typical south carolina wigger music, yelawolf
>Cops run over
>He starts to try and get up and run
>I say fuck it, and book it
>Outrun a fat cop, and just sit in a Walgreens parking lot
>Cop car pulls up
>fuckit.jpg
>I just sit there and look at them
>They look at me
>suspicious stare, but I'm white, so they let me be
>walked back to my car
>drove drunk, luckily made it home
>all is right in the world.

>be 10th grade
>have a digital media class (online schools newspaper)
>put keyloggers on a few computers
>get a couple email passwords from seniors
>friend and i send fucked up emails
>he sends to a business whore slut something like "dumb cunt, kill yourself i'll fuck you in the ass"
>i send to my english teacher "i wanna suck your dick, i'll be your little slut for the rest of the year"
>that lady feared for her life supposedly
>principal talks to multiple classes
>mfw i couldn't laugh when he talked
>mfw when the school thinks people just left the computers logged in cuz they never shut the fuckers off
>mfw never got caught

>>576227279
>randomassextensions.tar.bz2

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>>576253739
thanks for making me feel like a loser, i caught it at the 8th line

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>be in sophomore year
>be in computer science class with fellow dweebs
>don't really pay attention in class
Beforehand, my friend mispronounced his brothers name and said "Jeldis" which lead to some funny stories, ANYWAY
>kid named mackenzie begins to age food in tupperware containers under his bed
>shit smells like ass
>leave roast beef and carrots with gravy for three weeks, shit is actually filthy
>tell him to go and place it in the roofpanels
>he attempts and it spills over him
>take pic

i'll post a picture of mackenzie after its fucking glorious

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>>576259432
pic related

is mackenzie from like grade 6

>>576251869
i agree

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>>576231249
best story ITT

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>>576227279
>be me in about 8th grade
>it's maybe 1998 at this point, school has upgraded computer network to NT 4.0
>mfw my father is a Windows NT 4.0 network admin for my country's branch of a large multinational
>mfw I know more about this shit than the school's network admin

Some highlights include:

>Find art machines set up dual-boot Win98 & NT 4.0
>The Win98 auto-logins as Administrator to the server.
>I put annoying shit in the Startup dir for EVERYONE

>Stupid cunt of a teacher is logging people on with her credentials if they've forgotten their passwords
>I enter the wrong password a few times, show her, she logs me on
>Teachers have unfiltered proxy for internetz
>download a heap of beastiality and lesbian porn, save it into her home directory on the server
>mfw the network admin found it and asked her to explain

>mfw there was no password on the staff room printer, so I showed half a dozen people how to print to it, and they all printed porn to it

>mfw NT 4.0 would let you overwrite C:\winnt\system32\explorer.exe from notepad

>mfw Windows Explorer couldn't deal with a directory with certain extended ASCII chars in its name
>I open up a command prompt, mkdir ALT+255
>Not even the network admin could read or even delete the directory

there's a lot more I barely even remember these days.

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>>576260194
nevermind this one is >>576235460

>>576259573
kek

>Be me in 8th grade
>14
>First few weeks of school
>New school, new city
>San Antonio if wondering
>Im mostly silent, sizing people up as they do the same to me
>Being silent intimeidates people apparently
>Me in Science class
>Extra time on hands cuz i fucked science up back then
>Looking around room at other students not paying attention to one for too long
>Stop on a Land Whale Ghetto Princess.(Fat Black Girl who thinks shes the warmest shit in the bowl)
>Land Whale says
>"Y u lookin at meh liyke u crazee?!"
>Decide to build my intimidation factor x10000
>"Because I am."
>MFW Land Whale decides to take it further :D
>In my calmest most eventoned voice I answer...
>"Because I killed three people, burned their bodies, and ate their childern."
>Whole science class goes silent cept for future wife who laughs.
>Land Whale says
>"Wha?..."
>Repeat myself
>MFW Land Whale never speaks to me again :D

>be 17
>be 8/10
>realize I have quite good aesthetics
>flirt with girls
>fuckin prudes don't do anything
>decide to hit on sexy math teacher
>she's about 5'6" latina, slim body, large tits (covered quite well), and a nice, pillowy ass, name's Linda
>used to fap to her forcefully riding me
>daydream in class
>get erect
>Imagine dirty fantasies
>before I know it bell rings
>pack up my shit and get ready to leave for the day
>still have boner
>wait till everyone leaves
>devise plan
>everyone is gone
>get up and strut out
>teach sees my D
>"anon, come here"
>awyeah
>she fucking writes me a note to see a councilor
>get embarrassed
>sent to councilor
>see Linda exiting class room
>do the old V for victory lick
>(no cameras)
>no fucks givin
Cont

>>576231249
Thrice kicks ass.

Also solid story r8 8/10

>>576261769
faggot

>high school
>bored during lunch
>group of friends decide to fuck around
>each of us puts shit on toilet paper and rubs it around everything
>we'd pretend we were washing our hands so we can watch their reactions

people would mostly freak out saying 'what the fuck' and gagging, some people vomited, it was pretty funny until our group got scared to do it when teachers threatened to simply shut down the boys bathroom because we didn't respect it

>>576251180
>>576251180
...that is honestly one of the best break ups i have ever heard here in 4chan. It usually ends with the boyfriend being a complete dick by demanding some degrading sex so the gilrfriend doesn't break up with him and still break up with her and leave her there on her own. Or the exgirlfriend being a complete cunt and spreading lies like she was raped and abused.

Instead, it ended with this:
>I drive her home anyway. I walk her to the door. She hadn't stopped bawling the whole ride home.
>she clings to me, gives me the biggest hug ever, and will absolutely not let go
>stay in silence for five minutes
>she's crying so hard she's shaking.
>tells me I was a very good boyfriend. She'll never love anyone like she loved me. She even says wholeheartedly that I'm a good person.


"God fucking damn it. I'm horrible."


In short, this was oddly sweet to read.>>576250035

>>576262028
>spend 3 weeks of counciling
>doesn't help
>excuses behavior on hormones
>thesystemhasfailed
>couple of days later
>give a wink at Linda
>she demands that I stay after class
>boner makes me think I'll get a reward
>rational side is scared to death
>3:25 pm
>seeng Linda after class
>"anon you can't do this, it's inappropriate"
>I can't help it (you're fucking hot)
>"you'll need to control your urges"
>I know a way to do that
>realize what I said
>panic
>thinking with my dick is gonna get me expelled
>Linda actually recommends masturbation (under the guise of "seek relief and reduce urges"
>blank out
>boner is starting to react
>she sees this
>"anon, no, you can't do this here, you need to stop or I'll be forced to tell the principal"
>scared but hard
>I dare you
>ohfuck
>she does
Cont 2

>>576251180
You deserve it for telling such a boring fucking story.

>>576233664
>wheelie sees me
>kek

>>576263227
where's the rest of this story?

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>>576231249
15 freshman? I was a junior at late 15 wtf...

>be me
>be 2005
>be 14
>was sheltered kid
>home schooled
>never knew about weemens parts
>wasent interested in that
>have to go to school for gym, and see qt 3.1666 there
>she wearing short shorts
>see little but of ass
>cum in pants
>being 14, and never masturbating, it was alot of cum
>decided to free ball it that day
>i stop running laps
>cum drips down shorts and onto floor
>not to much, barely noticable
>becomes really thin layer
>qt runs by me, slips
>hits head into my cum face first
>got in her mouth and everything
>teahcers thought it was soap from janitors waxing and cleaning floor
>never got caught
>mfw, im dating her now
>mfw, ive never told her

>>576231795
Greek yogurt seems worse IMO

>put poop in gay teacher's desk. It wasn't my poop, but I was in on it. He screamed like the faggot he was. He was this super homo music teacher that never liked to let people leave and use the bathroom. So we brought the bathroom to him

>fingered my fellow teacher's assistant's sister while she was visiting the highschool. The other TA was a giant cocktease. When her sister came (8th grade) I flirted with her a bunch when the other TA wasn't around and put a hand on her leg. They opened so I finger blasted her. I was 16 at the time. I finally got the older sister to blow me two years later for some weed.

>put lube on staircase handle railings and classroom doorknocks regularly. observed luls.

>my friends and I saw forever alone losers at the bottom of a stair well playing monopoly so we dumped rootbeer down there and then came down asking them what happened cause some dude just booked by us like he just did something.

>Had a science teacher from iran. Fucked with her daily. Too long to type it all out but tormented her until she broke down and cried. Then I felt bad.

>got in to the computer lab 20 minutes before school started. loaded the computer of some douchelord with pictures of dicks off of a usb storage. Quietly told teacher I saw the kid looking at porn before he had even turned on the monitor. Told the teacher to keep it anonymous so I wouldn't get in trouble. Teacher walks over and turns on monitor, see's erect penis. "what in the hell are you using this class for?" Everyone says what the fuck, looks, breaks out laughing. Kid gets sent to the office and didn't see him the rest of the week.

I was pretty fucked in the head in highschool, got more stories if anyone is interested.

>me 16
>average guy plenty of friends
>made it a habit to cut holes in my jeans pockets, then proceed to jack off in class while looking at sluts
>save cum in my hand, tuck my dick, pretend to flirt or joke with girls but actually find ways to get my cum on them.
>do this for 2 years
>skip ahead
>me 18
>senior year
>math class
>Hand in pocket jacking off to the sluts g-string and ass sitting in front of me
>math teacher grading papers looks over notices me
>knows what I'm doing


Should I continue?

>>576263227
>Principal (whom is male) suspends me
>lol, no school
>parents furious
>stay home fantasizing to Linda and previous girls
>get idea
>get on facebook
>find her facebook
>add her
>fap to her pics
Fast forward to that night
>on phone chatting up slutty girl
>hear Facebook notifications sound
>check it out
>she messaged me
>"hi anon, did you need help with homework or something? :)"
>awkward chat over homework
>is she this oblivious?
>eventually I lead the convo toward a different direction
>"confess" to her I have a crush on her
>she buys it
>"anon those are hormones talking"
>i feign love for her
>she lets me down easily, reminds me shes married, that the age difference will get her in trouble, moral ethics (lol), and other shit
>don't care
>still fap to her
>get her number off Facebook
>text her my dick
>she replies :" very nice honey!"
>I guess she thought I was her husband
>I reply "gimme something? :)"
>she sends herself in a bikini
>HNNNGHHHH
>not even 3 seconds later
>"enjoy anon"
>what the fuck?
>text her : "thanks Linda"
>"now will you stop harassing me?"
>ask do I get more pics?
"NO!"

>by the way she found out my number was my cell phone from my emergency card

>>576246218

Isn't that the plot to Cruel Intentions?

>Be me 10th grade
>Best friend and I always fucking around
>Some delinquent POS that always disrespects teachers in class
>Guy will do whatever u tell him too
>Dare him to put "Theres a bomb in the school" inside of the school login ID box on windows XP
>Does it
>Leave class
>Leave school
>Next morning principle comes over loud speaker to evacuate the building
>Repeating that its not a drill
>Police show up
>Get sent home
>4 days off from school to try to find so called "bomb"
>nobody got hurt, nobody got in trouble
>4 days off winning