Let us begin the town game...
Rules are simple - survival. One of your people must survive this very odd land.
Your people have found themselves in a field, there is a natural spring and a bunch of berry trees, enough food and water for all 100 of them to settle down. - First we must build a town.
You have 3 buildings to add to the village, and unlimited natural resources - first replies will choose.
2 more - and unlimited natural resources
Congratulations you have passed level 1: Yourself
You have one new building to prepare for level 2: "A Rampaging Elephant"
Mine, this, do it, we win.
First comment here wins.
You made a spiky fort and cut down the trees, depleting your food supply.
A very angry looking elephant appeared at the edge of the town, charging towards your town.
What is the next move? (no new buildings - level finished once the elephant threat has gone)
>build primitive Metal Gear, they did that in the 80's.
>instead of warheads, the rail fires trees sharpened like spears
>Elephant meat feeds city
We just exhausted our food supply, we NEED this
>I WILL save this city
I forgot to mention, the Metal Gear is called "Spearchucker"
No new buildings until the next level, which begins once the elephant is no longer a threat. He has charged closer towards your town furiously towards the eskimo sex bar while you were deciding.
Metal Gear: Spearchucker isn't a building!
You gonna let this city get trampled to shit and back while out scientists fervently scramble to constuct a Metal Gear because you fucked up the zoning permit?
First comment here wins. On trying to send a letter from the post office, 1 man was skewered on the elephants tusk, the elephant then proceeded to begin ransacking the eskimo sex bar.
You have no black people, you could get some at the start of level 3 as natural resources.
The elephant destroyed the elephant sex bar and is charging angrily towards the spiky fortress. All 99 people are inside.
>myself and all my scientists get inside Metal Gear: Spearchucker
>angrily mechstomp out of town flipping off all of you and especially OP
>Good luck getting raper by elephant dong because OP filed my mobile weapon and a fucking "Building"
TL;DR = OP's a huge faggot and your last hope just left
First comment wins. God appreciated the thanks and rewarded you with an "elephant dong bar", meanwhile the elephant skewered itself in a bloody psychotic rage on the spiky fortress.
You have passed level 2.
You now have 2 new buildings and unlimited natural resources to prepare for level 3: A torrential downpour.
You gained bark utilization workshop.
Jeff Goldblum building.
And 50 people of African descent from unlimited natural resources.
19 people died of starvation and the stream began to swell from the torrential rain.
(Can someone explain the Jeff Goldblum thing? lol)
Prayers to Jeff Goldblum were disrupted when the spiky fortress was flooded, there was some confusion as to how to escape and some were unwilling to stop prayers despite drowning. 30 died in the catastrophe.
The post office was also flooded.
You have beat level 3.
You have 1 new building and unlimited natural resources to surpass level 4: "A rapist"
First comment winner.
You built a giant dick statue out of stone.
In other news: one of the citizens is complaining due to a rape in the Jeff Goldblum building.
Buildings only at start of levels, not during.
A mass orgy was initiated, the result was 25 mixed race babies.
The rapist is still at large, and continued the orgy in the post office with one unlucky victim.
30 black people also died from starvation.
The sadness of this rape caused all the mixed race babies to commit suicide as well as 10 white people. The rapist is now becoming decadent and is drinking at the elephant dong bar bragging about these atrocities.
The black band militia was formed at the slave camp. They armed themselves with large pieces of wood left over from the berry trees.
Another citizen is complaining due to rape.
I come from the future with a dire warning.
60, 20 black and 40 white. Check pic to see.
You are on level 4: "A rapist" Proceeding to level 5. For rules see up top and first few comments.
Rapist was killed and eaten by the black band militia.
The blacks also learned fishing and made rods.
You have beaten level 4: A rapist.
You now have 2 buildings & unlimited natural resources to prepare for level 5: "WAR vs Ancient Egypt"
Your scouts have informed you an army is heading your way.
You have modern day technology.
You built another giant dick statue.
The black band militia crew overpowered the whites due to their superior weaponry, 5 blacks died leaving 15 and 5 white escaped to the Jeff Goldblum building.
Enough food to last this level was collected and a pile of iron was collected from natural resources.
An army of 100 ancient Egyptian spearmen has been spotted approaching you.
i think i have it. pray to jeff goldblum for a time machine, sacrifice a few niggers to the god, or build a time machine from sticks and shit. Go to the future, steal the big dick statues, go back and repeat like, forverer
Jeff Goldblum rewarded you with a machine capable of telling the time, a huge sundial. 5 black people were sacrificed leaving your total population at 15.
In other news - The army of ancient Egyptian spearmen have begun to attempt to topple the outer giant dick statue.
First comment winner.
In an attempt to exchange them spears, the army of A.Egyptians attacked and killed all 10 of them. No A.Egyptian spearmen were killed in the battle.
They continued to attack the giant dick statue.
In a risky move, your 5 remaining people attempted to topple the outer giant dick statue on top of the A.Egyptian army.
Luckily Jeff Goldblum smiled upon you this time and your last 2 digits on your post number over 50 caused the plan to succeed. 60 A.Egyptian spearmen were crushed by concrete dick.
The remaining 40 have spotted your people on the other side of the collapsed outer giant dick statue.
First comment winner.
Jeff Goldblum frowned upon you as your number of 15 was not enough to sway the Egyptians with the Mubarak argument. They attacked and only one man managed to escape and hide in the Jeff Golblum building - blessed be his name.
He is your last remaining man.
The A.Egyptian spearman army took a quick rest on their campaign.
Run to Egypt with remaining Jeff Goldblum artifacts
The last man took the giant sundial to ancient Egypt and is nearly there.
The spearmen burned the elephant dong bar.
Upon arrival at ancient Egypt with giant sundial, the last man, son of Golblum proceeded to have sexual intercourse with said camel, he was quickly surrounded by a slightly bemused legion of 20 A.Egyptian home guard armed with spears.
He quickly came in said camel's face before directing his attention to the matter at hand.
While attempting to rape A.Egyptian women and surrounded by guards, son of Goldblum was killed.