Alright /b/, mobilefag here coming your way with some fresh OC that may enlighten people.
1/? (Will cont if we'll received)
>Be me, 11 or 12.
>At a friend's house, (we will call him Lampy) lives in different state, 20 min away.
>Saturday night and our bedtime (9pm) is rapidly approaching.
>Been playing Tony Hawk all day on ps2.
>We decide we will set the alarm clock to midnight so we can get up and continue playing without having to actually go to bed.
>Lampy's parents bought him a Spongebob alarm that plays the theme song.
>I climb to the top bunk and rest the alarm clock on the edge of the bed.
>Lampy and I begin talking about school and girls.
>I begin to fall asleep a little but more so a trance.
>12am hits and I'm still somewhat out of it.
>Begin to hear some seagull sounds but I'm still out of it, not really making sense.
Then it happens..
>ARE YOU READY KIDS?!
I jump up in horror for some reason causing a chain reaction that would forever ruin Lampy's life.
>my swift jump causes the alarm to come crashing down onto the floor.
>"Anon shut it the fuck off!" Yells Lampy.
"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!"
>*SMASH* IT FELL! I cant!
I CANT HEARRR YOUU!
>lampy jumps out of the bottom bunk.
>The tone of the alarm clock has now picked up a demonic sound due to the crash but is still echoing through the house at midnight.
>Lampy screams, as the plastic alarm has shattered pieces on the floor and has punctured his foot.
AYE AYE CAPTAIN!
>I begin my descent to the floor down the ladder in the pitch black and turn around to hit the light switch. The lights blind us both.
It's within that second I hear voices from down the hall and footsteps.
Posting the second half regardless.
>I can hear Lampy's dad coming. Not good.
>I decide it's time to hide.
>flatten myself and slide under the bed, I'm not getting in trouble.
>open the door
>get on the floor
>in comes lampy's dad, we will call him Kwidgi. Kwidgi is a somewhat short balding fat man similar to a Neanderthal or primate.
>The door slams open and a stout bald man in tight white ununderarm enters.
>Standing in the door way he screams, "What the fuck is going on in here?!"
The scene is something to see, there on the floor lies lampy with his foot in hand bleeding, plastic spongebob debris on the floor, I'm gone and the tune of squarepants echoing through the home at an ungodly hour.
>IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH
>Kwidgi begins moving into the room, but it happens.
>He steps on a piece of plastic.
>Casualty rate - 2
>He takes a step back in pain and grabs the side of the door frame.
>upon slamming the door open, he ripped part of the latch, causing a nail to stick out partially.
>grabbing the frame didn't help as he stepped on the alarm clock causing another chain reaction.
>still under the bed.
>OHHHH SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
>The nail rips Kiwdgis undies right off his planet-like ass and he falls forward.
What happens next changes everyone's life as we know it. It was almost too good to be true.
So as I was saying, a bare assed Kwidgi is desccending to earth.
>Lampy locks eyes with his dad's cock.
>The look of horror on his face, I can still remember it to this day, as I watched from under the bed.
>Lampy tries to move, but it is far too late.
>I remember the sound and sight all too well.
>You ever try throwing a wet shirt at a wall or a tiled floor? It makes a very distinct sound.
>I watch as lampy turns his head as his dad's penor comes into landing with his face. It slaps his cheek and the balls flop on his head.
>poor fucking lampy.
>The sound. The wet shirt slap across his face. The sheer horror.
>I make eye contact with whom we all know now has dickhead.
>eyes locked, his dad begins to get up.
>ever pulled a bandaid off? It kind of begins to pull the skin with it?
>I see his meat rod and ballbag lift off his face, pulling his skin up with it. I'm mortified.
>The sound, similar to that of unrolling duct tape. My god. To this day.
>Lampy is on the floor in horror after his dad's tender discostick has been flailing around on his face like a fish out of water.
>He begins to get up.
>Dad what the fuck, you fucking faggot!, yells lampy.
I'll never forget it. To this day. His face, the dick and balls. Every time my children watch spongebob I'm horrifically reminded of that cold night when lampy and his dad's balls had a close encounter of the third kind.
After that night we stop talking. See each other less. Our parents talk and I find out years as I get older he becomes a trouble maker and is constantly arrested for vandalism or assaulting his parents.
But it gets better.
Fast forward to a few years back.
>working part time FedEx job in city.
>get to a house and ring the bell.
>ten seconds later a familiar face answers the door.
>"anon, what's up! It's been forever!"
>lampy is here. He looks a little fat and has gauges. Been better I'm sure.
>we begin to shoot the shit, tell him I'm a part time delivery driver during college and bullshit.
>we talk and decide we will meet up and go grab a couple beers one night.
So that Friday we go to a little noname bar in the inner city for a beer or two.
>He says he's looking for full time work, no GED blahblahblah.
>rough life it would appear after the floppycock accident.
>tell him sounds like life is alright (lying).
>causual talk and the night is wrapping up. Working Saturday morning for holiday deliveries so I tell him I should get going.
>bartender comes over and I hand him my card, figure lampy could use a handout.
>pay and we leave.
>we are walking to our cars parked down the street.
>"well it was nice seeing you anon, we will have to meet up again soon".
>"yeah man, take ca-"
We are waking through mobs of people when a guy carrying a coffee and suitcase bumps into Lampy. His coffee spills onto his blazer. The look of anger.
>"watch where you're going, fucking dickhead"
>His face when dickhead comes out. Tears stream down his cheeks.
To this day, lampy is severely depressed over the incident all because I accidently knocked over the alarm clock.