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You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 158
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Offensive jokes!

Share your most offensive, socially unacceptable, cancerous shit piles of jokes.

>What do you get when you put a baby in a microwave?
An erection.

Moar pl0x
>>
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"Jeg er litt kald på bena sa mannen, og så flerret han opp to bebier og tredde de på føttene."
>>
>>573171852
What's the difference between black people and snow tires?
>Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
>>
I once heard a dude say "it's hotter than a set of jumper cables at a nigger funeral"
>>
I was eating out my Grandmother when I tasted horse cum. Then I realised.

>"Oh, that's how she died"
>>
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How do you pick up chicks in Auschwitz?

>with a vacuum cleaner
>>
>>573171852
In a race to the bottom of a skyscraper, a Mexican, a jew and a black guy jump off the top. Who wins?
>society
>>
how do you fit 50 jews in a car?
5 in the seats 45 in the ashtray
>>
whats the different between 9/11 and a cow?

America can't milk a cow for 10 years
>>
whats the hardest part about nailing a dead baby to the wall?
>A penis
>>
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>>
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
>the wheelchair
>>
>>573173806
I don't get it.
>>
>>573174693
http://www.cremationsolutions.com/mc_images/category/image/ashes.jpg
>>
>>573174301
Yes they can

Dairy cows can live longer than 10 years
>>
>>573171852

I used to go into tinychat rooms full of niggers and say:

"how many niggers can a nigger nig if a nigger nigs nigger nigger"

lulz ensue
>>
Waht is worse then 2 Babies in a trashcan? One in several.
>>
Why did little Sally fall of a swing?
>She has no arms
.
.
.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
>Not Sally
>>
What's long and black?
>The KFC line
>>
How to paint a wall with a baby?
>Swing hard enough
>>
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

>2, they just beat the room because its black.
>>
My all time favorite, not really a joke, but:
>You can take a nigger out of a bush, but you cant take the bush out fo a nigger.
>>
>>573173502
that's not even a joke you tard
>>
A little jewish kid walks up to Hitler in Aushwitz
Hitler: How old are you little girl?
>I will be seven tomorrow!
Hitler: no you won't
>>
>>573175528
Joey?
>>
A Minister, a Priest, and a Rabbi are standing on the corner when a little boy walks by.

The Minister says "What a lovely child."

The Priest says "Lets fuck him."

And the Rabbi says "Out of what?"
>>
>>573176051
If you're implying I was being serious...
>>
Why are jews the best magicians?
>They in through the door, but leave through the chimney
>>
>>573176178

no one likes your joke, not even heaven

faggot avatarfag
>>
>>573171852
Jews are people.
>>
>>573176163
Mike?
What's the difference between bread and babies?
>bread doesn't scream when you cut it
>>
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>>573176315
>two posts with reaction images of the same character
>because why not

>avatarfag

Welcome to 4chan, who the fuck was your guide?
>>
>whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
boyscouts come back from camp
>>
What does a down syndrome 7 year old girl that's missing a leg, an arm and an eye have?
>leukemia
>>
That avatar is rather disturbing.
>>
>>573176468
Nope. Starts with an N
>>
>>573176315
lol m00t sucks
>>
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>>573176756
sides gone
>>
I find the hardest part about being a pedo, is fitting in.
>>
What do you call a black person that works in a cheese factory?
>a nigger
>>
>>573175545
wasnt it unemployment line
>>
A son asks his dad the difference between theoretically and realistically.

Dad says that's hard to answer but i have an idea! Ask your mom if she would fuck the neighbor for a million dollars.
Son returns and says Mommy says yes.

Dad says now ask your sister if she would.
Son comes back and says she says hell, yes.

Dad says now go ask your brother if he would.
Son comes back and says, no, but he would he would suck his dick for half a million.

Dad says there you go son, that's your answer. Theoretically, we're sitting on two and a half million bucks, son. Realistically, we live with 2 sluts and a cocksucker.
>>
>>573177773
I first heard it with KFC, guess it works with both KFC and unemplyement line

What's the difference between a big jew and a small jew
>The big jew burns longer
>>
What do you feel when you see a nigger running across the field?
>The recoil.
>>
A man walks into a bar,
then goes home and beats his wife
>>
There are 12 Niggers in a 15 passenger van driving along a winding mountain road. The van falls off and everyone dies. What is the tragedy of this event?

>There were 3 empty seats.
>>
how do you know when your sister is on her period?
>your dads dick tastes like blood
>>
>>573179049
Two blonds walk into a building.

You'd think that at least one of them would have seen it.
>>
I grew up catholic when I was a kid, the thing I hated most about church was the constant standing, sitting and kneeling. I mean, if you're gonna fuck me in the ass just do it! Enough of this changing positions shit you stupid priest.
>>
what do you say to a black man wearing a suit
>will the defendant please rise

you know when youre driving down the road smoking a cigarette, and you finish and flick it out the window, but then as you keep driving you start to smell something burning, so you look in the back seat, and grandmas masturbating?
>>
whats the difference between dead babies and a locked door?
>i dont open doors with a crow bar
>>
>>573173502
I laughed hard!
>>
what does a nigger do after sex?
>15 to life
how do you circumcise a redneck
>kick his sister in the jaw
>>
A woman went to the hospital after having gone into labor. As soon as she arrived, she was sent to the delivery room.

The doctor walks in shortly after, plays catch with the baby, looks at it, and then SMASHES it against the wall.

The woman, completely distraught, screams at the doctor; "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

The doctor, smiling, replies "Just kidding, it was already dead."
>>
What's the warmest organ in a dead girls body?
>My dick
>>
this thread is win. good going OP
>>
>>573173806
How do you get a Jewish chicks number?
>roll up her sleeve
>>
Whats the similarity between a nigger and a tractor-wheel? They both work best in chains!
>>
>>573176756
'tis funny cauz it's medically acurate

#megakaryoblastic leukemia
>>
>>573176176
Don't get it
>>
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>>573176972
Nigger.
>>
Why had shover heads in Auschwitz 11 holes?
>Jews have 11 fingers

How long does it take for a turkish woman to take out the trash?
>9 month
>>
>>573180849
*shower
>>
>>573180849
did you ever did try to
>>
>>573180978
turk detected
>>
>>573180849
Jews have 10 fingers dude. TEN fingers. THAT'S THE JOKE BRAH!
>>
>>573181083
greek detected, i suggest a battle to the death
>>
>>573179595
Down syndrome roger federer <3
>>
>>573174857
>http://www.cremationsolutions.com/mc_images/category/image/ashes.jpg
dude, that's CP!
>>
>>573180978
Turk detected!

Activating Vlad the Implyer mode!

>implying you're not trashy
>>
I once met a Texan's wife and sister
it was only one woman
>>
>>573182096
Charred Person?

>captcha: 1942
>>
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>>573181753
you've got it
>>
Whats the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain can finish a race
>>
>>573182521
His offensive jokes are 8/10, but his reaction tothe audience's moaning about them is 12/10
So if I'm doing themaths correctly that's 20/20
>>
what do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
> neither of them is a police officer
>>
>>573175528
mario?
>>
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>>573174463
kek
>>
>>573175029
I've been banned so many times for shit like that, also calling myself LaNiggerus Jackson
>>
What's Sad about 4 niggers driving in a car off a cliff?
> you can fit 5 in a car
>>
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Why was there only 2 Paul Bearers at the niggers funeral

There are only 2 handles on a trash can
>>
>>573182871
It would appear you've miscarried!

20/10 newfriend

the denominator carries over

*insert Jimmy Carr-esque misscariage joke here*
>>
How do niggers know they are pregnant?
> they stick a banana in their vagina and if its half eaten on the way out theres a New monkey on the way
>>
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What's the best part about being an uncircumcised cowboy?

>Keeping your chewing tobacco in your foreskin
>>
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw. Lol
>>
>>573183512
Omg no way how did you know my name
LUIGI?
>>
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>>573183789
Hahaha, fuck you man, I'll have to ask someone at ISS to send my sides back down.
>>
The only reason I'm not gay is because I could never fuck a man.

I could never fuck something that I respect.
>>
How do you classify a nigger when he is born?
>You throw him up.
> If sticks in the ceiling it's a monkey
> If it flys it's a buzzard
>If it falls it's piece of shit
>>
>>573185143
Aww yiss

Jim Jeffries
>>
wot goes 'plink plink fizz'?


2 babies and an acid bath.
>>
A nigger come to a drug store and asks for a skin colored band-aid.
The attendant says:
" I'm sorry, we don't sell insulating Tape"
>>
>>573176176
Keke
>>
>>573178254
Lel
>>
>>573171852
What do you call a black swim team in the ocean?

>an oil spill
>>
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>>573171852
What do you call a shed full of Mexicans?

>new tools

What do you call a shed full of black people?

>old tools
>>
>>573186723
What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?

>a pizza can feed a family, a black guy can't
>>
>>573175528
luigi?
>>
>>573186906
What's the difference between a black guy and an elevator?

>an elevator can raise a family, a black guy can't.
>>
>>573187034
My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me

>Is that the best you can do?
>>
>>573187246
What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car outside of an abortion clinic?

>going in to ask for a hanger.
>>
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Thread got the shit dried to me asshole! Nice going OP, that really takes some skill!
>>
Mom, grandpa has a scar
>Eat around it sweetie
>>
>>573186980
No you dumb nigger
I'm Mario
You're Luigi
enjoy being a green sexond place piece of scat
>>
>>573187348
My girlfriend and I got into an argument and things got heated. At one point she called me a pedophile. This quite shocked me as that's a pretty big word for an 8 year old
>>
>>573176468
>bread crumbles when you cut it
>>
>>573187521
A hiker came across a kid in the forest. The young boy was crying next to his dead parents. The hiker asked what happened, and the kid said "my mommy and daddy had a bad fight and daddy shot mommy and then he shot himself and now they won't wake up". The hiker crouched down to comfort the kid, then he stood back up and said "Geez kid, this is not your fucking day." as he unzipped his pants.
>>
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What's the safest time to fuck a woman who is bleeding menstruation-blood from her vaginal-mucus orifice?
> Anytime, AFTER you're finsihed fucking her sister.
>>
>>573187739
A little boy is watching a building burn down. He turns to his mom and says "This is horrible. Property will be destroyed and everyone in there is going to die." His mom told him that everything would be okay once the fire department got there. The boy asked "Who are the fire department." His mom said "You'll see." A few minutes later, he hears sirens and sees flashing lights. Firemen in full gear start running into the building to rescue people; others start quickly putting out the fire. No one is hurt; very little damage is done. The boy is so impressed that he proudly tells his mom "Wow mom, they saved all those people. I know what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a fireman." His mother shakes her head and casually replies "Oh Tommy, you're not gonna grow up. You have leukemia."
>>
Whats the most important thing about a joke???
>>
>>573188080
Why are there no black character in Clue?

>If there were then it would be called Solved.
>>
My type of thread.
whats black and eats pussy.... cervical cancer
>>
>>573188305
>>573188343
>>
>>573188414
Nice
>>
>>573171852

How can a niggerette tell if she is pregnant?

>cotton is already picked from the tampon after she pulls it out.
>>
Why was Jesus a homosexual.
> So he could fuck himself.
>>
why are there no Jews on jupiter?
> it's a gas planet
>>
>>573171852

Why did the nigress giving birth on the side of the road receive a ticket?
She was littering.

How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

Whats long and hard on a nigger?
First grade.

What happens to black people after they die?
Nigger Mortis.

What repulsive thing can be found in a nigger's clothes?
The nigger.

And my personal favorite:

Why do niggers have red eyes after sex?
Pepper spray.
>>
What did one condom say to the other condom when they were passing a gay bar?

Lets go in and get shit-faced.
>>
the virgin mary was a virgin...
unless you count anal
>>
>>573171852

Q) How do you make a little girl cry twice?


A) Wipe your bloody dick on her favorite teddy bear.
>>
I dont know if it's already posted

Whats white on top and black on the bottom?
Society.
>>
>>573171852

>whats round and hates jews?

the world.
>>
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>>573176608
>>
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?

>9 months
>>
>>573187348
Best*
>>
>>573187938
>>573187739
Fucking lold
Great posts anonigger
>>
>>573173296
Explain, please.
>>
What do you say to a black jew?

"Get to the back of the oven"

top kek
>>
What do you do with a dead nigger?
Carve it out and use it as a wetsuit.
Cut off its lips to use as suitcase handles.
How many niggers does it take to pave a highway?
10, sliced real thin.
>>
A ship full of ethiopians sank

One survived, he had splinter in his thumb
>>
>>573188080
This anon wins the thread
made me kek three rimes in a row
>>
>>573173985

you do realize of course that the human body produces about 7 lbs of ashes, much of which is actually human bones that have been ground up. thus not even one person's "ashes" would be able to fit in the average automobile's ashtray.
>>
>>573171852
my favorite one is:
what do you get when you skin a nigger?
160 lbs of dog food and a dirty swim suit
>>
>>573190103
You do realize you're autistic and posting in such thread makes you look like you have down syndrome next to that.
>joeks r supozed to b realistik u guise
>>
what do a black baby and a dead baby have in common?


they both have no future.
>>
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>>573171852

Why wasn't Hitler invited to the barbeque?

>He had a tendency of burning the franks
>>
Mommy I don't like grandpa.
OK dear, just eat the potatoes
>>
Why did the blonde ( transexual christain american hispanic non-virgin 15-year-old blind lesbian quadriplegic ebola-patient ) climb over the glass wall?
> She wanted to see what was on the other side.
>>
>>573176608
>damage control
>>
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>>573190103

you do realize people have been fitting 6 million jews in the ashtrays of small cars in jokes since 1945 right?
>>
Oscar Pistorius wanted to buy a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it.
>>
Oscar Pistorius wanted to buy a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it.
>>
Oscar Pistorius wanted to buy a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it
>>
Oscar Pistorius wanted to buy a new girlfriend door, but his door was dead against it
>>
>>573171852
How can you tell a black girl had sex?
Her dad left used Watermelon Flavored Condoms in her crib...Actually this is a stupid joke; Black men never wear condoms. Or are part of their kids' lives.
>>
>>573191334
Aaaaaaaand the Oscar goes to:
.
.
.
.
Jail!
>>
why do jews watch porn backwards?
> so they can come when the prostitute hands the money to the guy.

what is the differnece between harry potter and a jew?
> harry did escape from the chamber
>>
>>573190451

hurhurr... look i make something impossible up. it so funny!
>>
>>573192171
except he didn't go
>>
What was the one thing missing from the Million Man March?
The auctioneer.

What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
Not being retarded.
>>
>>573192439

Because he was a white man.
>>
what do you do after you fucked a bald chick?
> put her back into the stroller
>>
>The Fappe.nni.n.g Full C.oll.ec.ti.on
tinyurl*com/fappenning (switch * to dot)
>>
>>573173502
Winrar
>>
>>573171852
>>
>>573181083
Turkish girls are hot as fuck
>>
>>573192220
Are you clinically insane or just nine years old?
Thread replies: 158
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