I feel like crying
Lets get a good baw thread going
Anyone else hate life? I dunno why I do. I just do. I'd never commit suicide but that's only because I made the mistake of letting people get to close.I married young to a rebound girl whom I don't love but I know loves me. I thought I could make myself love her but it never happened. The real love of my life is married with two kids. I'm their godfather. It tears me up because I know deep down I should have been their dad. I
just a dad who loves his coffee
and his son
Also, I never loved anyone, so I don't know.
I'm dependant on a few people but I don't feel the "grand emotion" poets talk about towards any of them.
>tfw dad was a alcoholic and would never care about me that much
>be a real bastard
>meet love of life (dont realize til much later)
>treat her like absolute shit
>physical and verbal abuse
>ends up in hospital was so bad
>she leaves but doesnt press charges
>get my act together try to see her.
>she absolutely hates me and wants nothing from me
>years later she gets really sick
>have same blood type
>meet with her mother in secret (she fkn hates me even more but agrees)
>tell her will donate lobe of liver to save her life
>one condition, her daughter can never know it was me
>they tell her it was an anonymous donor
>few years later, her mom dies. Secret dies with her
>shes married now with 3 year old
>ill never tell her it was me that helped her
Inoffensively doing the world a favor. Letting depression get the best of somebody is weakness.
Best post in this thread.
I have recently reconnected with a close friend of mine from a decade ago, she is 19, I am 18. She took piano lessons from my mom, and was my first crush. This last saturday I had my first kiss with her, and stuff happened. These last couple weeks we have been a little relationship like, and I have grown to like her again. Today she decided that she was going to stay with her boyfriend she was on break with, and I don't know how i feel. I feel sad, but I feel like I dont have the right to. Its not much of a story but it has been something big in my life today.
First one that genuinely got me.
>be fresh out of a relationship with a girl
>she never told me why
>meet another girl
>her name is Catherine
>she seems very nice
>work up courage to talk to her
>ask her out
>she says yes
>on our second date, out of nowhere she starts crying
>try to comfort her
>she runs away
>she breaks up with me over text
>she didn't tell me why
Why dose no one ever tell me why?
something to take your mind off whatever is making you feel
are all straight guys such jealous pussys?
If someone just died or you broke up or you were diagnosed with something, this is the thread for you. By letting out your feels you're speeding up your recovery from grief.
However, if your life is consistently shit or you are depressed, you should not be here, you're just digging your own grave.
>you're just digging your own grave.
>mfw this thread
Jokes on you, i only want to be her friend. She got too much shit on her shoulders yet never refused to talk to me when i just wanted someone to listen. I'm a fucking pussy and my problems are insignificant compared to what She's been trough.
Call me beta faglord, but i can only hope She will be happy with the guy She is with now, because he'll support her better than i ever could.
>Be born with genetic defect that causes cancerous growths in my bones
>Constant surgery and Chemo
> Have broken most of the bones in my body (nothing in my head or face though)
>Have dulled nerves due to serveral botched back surgeries
> Life is nothing but pain
> Constant pain even with dulled nerves
> Feels sad man
> Try to fit in society (get a job education)
> Work so hard to do this
> But whats is the point?
> Tried to give up
> Get caught and sent to hosiptal
> Fast Forward to university
> Meet this girl (Lets call her F)
> Get talking
> head to the city from uni together
> its hot today
> ask her of she wants a frozen coke cos its bloody hot
> says yes
> small victories
> ask her out on a date eventually
> says yes
> big victories
> we date for a year before she dies
> found a note on her bed saying thank you for making me happy this past year
>all along I thought she was helping me
> the feels when I dod something right in my life
Sorry to hear anon. Try to appreciate the positive impact you had on her brief life, and try to carry that forward to anyone you feel comfortable talking to. Even if you can't help yourself you may be able to find purpose in helping someone else, and that's something.
That's usually what puts me in a good mood. I find comfort in having an exit strategy if all else fails.
Cancer sucks. I myself am diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I'm not in chemo though but really, it's something I'd never wish on my worst enemy.
I'm sorry for your loss, but at least you got one year with her, although it's not enough.
She's still in your heart. Those we lose never really disappear, they stay with us, in our hearts and everything around us will remind us of them and make us smile.
Well this was this really cute sorta shy girl that liked me for a bout 6-7 months and towards the end we went out. I texted her a lot to make her happy because everybody loves the feel of being texted first i know i do. So we start dating and she's the most kindest beautiful nice girl and over summer we hung out a bit, but she started being distant and she broke up with me 2 months later because I was too depressing to be around. I realized she couldn't date me because i couldn't like myself. Now she doesn't want to even talk to me. It's like someone punched me in the chest, i can't go five minutes without thinking about her. Someone so nice hates me because I was inconsiderate to the things i said, now i either sleep to much or can't sleep at all lying awake thinking about how I could of changed everything
>Lets get a good baw thread going
Don't you fucking dare!
Baw like a pussy and you'll see yourself like a pussy.
See your as a pussy and you'll act like a pussy.
Act like a pussy and you'll be a pussy.
Bee a pussy and you'll get fucked.
Take on the philosophy in the 1 minute clip below.
I don't know man. I've lost a lot of friends all my life, I have a lot of character traits that people dont wanna deal with. Got a few "good" ones left, but they don't even ask me to join them when they're going out or something. They don't give a shit. What's yours?
>work in call centre
>ask people 'how you doing today?' constantly
>rarely get asked back
>some girl did once, i said 'yeah good thanks for asking' like usual.
>'oh yeah? you don't sound good'
>caught me off guard 'haha maybe im just tired'
>'well..ok dont be too hard on yourself you got a tough gig probably dealing with alot of rude people'
>did rest of call with some small talk in between.
felt better for the rest of my shift.
Well, I came from a bad family. Can't socialize even if my life depended on it. Got no friends, best friends I got are from steam. They have never seen my face, helps me with my self-doubt. Tried sucide, failed. Nobody loves me, nobody gives a shit
Well I know this is going to sound harsh, but you can't blame her. I mean people like us are usually very high maintenance. We have a lot of noise going on in our heads and we have a tendency to get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. To have someone to focus on. To give us hope. That in turn just turns us into clingy, emotional toddlers who need constant attention to feel like the relationship is working.
If you find yourself in another relationship you should consider making an active effort to be a little more aloof. It will defy any instinct you have, but it's for the better. She doesn't need to know what a miserable person you are inside.
It is the worst pain
I have been rif of it for a year now, but I live in constant fear of when it will come back, she used to be there at every surgery or treatment and help me through it
I wish I could tell you that it's gonna change and that it's just a matter of perspective or some kind of bullshit, but I've given up right now. Only thing I know is that suicide isn't something you should consider doing. Ever.
>And the thing that hurts me the most is she's happy
Does/did she know you were depressed?
Because if she's just ignoring you knowing that you probably really need her to at least be in contact, after being in a relationship with you, she's a cold bitch.
I'm with you there, anon. I try my hardest to socialize, but I'm just too different. I found that I actually prefer to be alone because if those I seek to befriend don't get me, they're not worth it.
Well, said fuck it and I was drunk when atempting it. Never gonna try again. It could change for both of us, but I don't know man. It's just a rough life. A long, rough flight trough razors and salt. Guess we just gotta toughen up and live trough it.
google it, look into buddhism a bit too.
You're thoughts are just a habit, and you CAN break the habit. TRUST ME anonbro. I used to get hung up on a lot of things from my past and it made me turn to drinking etc.
Meditation really opens the door to becoming who you are meant to be
I had one, she left me, broke me mentaly and took everything I own. I don't hate myself anymore. I hate my life. You will hopefully learn to just live with the hate inside of you. I did, but I'm mental now
I'm not really in pain, but of course, different type. I'm sorry to hear about your hellish situation. It sounds like a living nightmare.
I really hope things change, that you get better. I'll pray to all the gods that may exist.
forgot to mention...the issue isnt the girl. I guarantee it is something deeper within you...insecurities most likely etc.
Meditation will help you realize that all the bad things you've experienced are literally only that...an experience, neither good nor bad. The key is figuring out how to come to terms with it so that it becomes something you learn from aka a good thing.
Of course. You could tell she was pulling back because you were starting to seem like a bit more work than she signed up for. So you reached out. Trying to keep her there with you because you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts again. That only pushed her away even faster.
That's why I was telling you to try to force yourself to be more aloof next time. The only way you will ever be able to make a relationship work is if you can force a smile and keep all that noise in your head in your head.
Otherwise you're kinda doomed to be alone until you date someone just as miserable as you. Then it becomes a co-dependent relationship that only drags both of you deeper into depression, and trust me, you would rather be alone.
Well I told her one time I needed a self esteem boost and always questioned her why she liked me. I told her I have a problem with hating everything cynic depression, pretty sure she thought i was lying to get her back. I tried being friends, fucked it up by trying to make her feel bad, so now she doesn't want me to talk to her, I asked her if we could try the "friends" thing again in like 7 months. She said yeah but, after every apology i said she couldn't accept it. My cynicism has gotten worse and worse and it's ruined relationships for me
It can change though. Maybe. Maybe you can get better, maybe I can try to accept myself. Would need some work though. And I don't even know where to start. Little story from tonight:
>Whatsapp Group Chat, 2 girls, 1 guy and me
>Guy goes out
>girl I want: "anon you should go with him youre always at home"
>"No I'm not"
>that really got me and I couldn't stay at home for some reason anymore
>try to find someone to go to that festival in town
>everyone is anywhere having fun
>"I'm meeting someone now, later"
>"anon, why are you lying?"
>go out to that festival alone, drink some, look at the happy people
>go back home 90minutes later
>sit on a bench for and hour, depressed, nearly crying
Great Friday night!
Reminded me of my fucking whore peice of shit cheating girlfriend that I just broke up with. Fuck my goddamn life. Loved her for fucking 4 years. Currently listening you "our" song creep by radiohead, deciding if I should an hero or not.
I've tried to get better, failed. Went to a therapist, he only used me for my money. I just sat at my shitty appartment for the whole night, drinking alone.The noose still next to me, thought about it. But I refuse it now. You have that path to redemption and intigration to having friends etc. I'm insane and officaly a sociopath. That woman broke me too hard. I've just locked my self in my appartment, hired a person to deliver me food. Work trough my pc. I have a sad life, yet I keep on pushing. NO reason to keep on pushing but I keep doing it.
Well not like that sense i mean she'd mention things like fan fiction or stuff that she read (not asian) and I'd say that stuff is fucking stupid or it's written by incompetent people. Then I learned she wrote some herself. I have a problem with hating everything including myself
Quick drop of knowledge. I'm recently out of a 6 month long relationship that had long term plans, but she had mental disorders and didn't tell me about them. I found out about them on my own and shit hit the fan. She tried to kill herself and tried to blame it on me and ruin my life. I'm in a shit hole now and the only reason I'm not down is because I had the mindset to get out there and socialize. Trust and believe two things... One, you're not the only one going through your pain, and others are coping and working through it, so why can't you? Two, it's all in the mind. If you have the mindset to live a happier life, then that's the first, biggest, and hardest step. Meetup dot com was a start for me. There's plenty of other sites with people who just want to get out of the house by themselves and talk to others and make friends. There's always hope... You just gotta find it.
You need to get help by a person that is not just using you for money, brother. There are good people out there that really want to help.
>If a person has no love for himself, no respect for himself, no love of his friends, family, work, something - how can he ask for love in return? I mean, why should he ask for it?
fuck these two in particular.
it's even worse because as much as I know or want to believe that everything's going to be fine eventually I have that dumbass voice in the back of my head telling me that it's not, and it's getting more and more convincing.
close your eyes and just focus on your breath
deep slow deliberate breaths in through your nose out through your mouth
while you focusing just try to realize how every single person on earth is literally the exact same deep down, birth is a lottery of circumstances, but in essence we are the exact same.
you need to really read into though, there are loads of proven physical and psychological benefits. my only advice is to not prescribe to any particular belief that you may encounter about meditation. it's a tool for the mind for you and you alone - don't indoctrinate yourself with someones beliefs about god etc.
focus on love too, the love you feel for whoever you love in your life and realize that that is a great gift
There have to be other forums. For guys with problems like us. /b/ is great, we find brothers in arms, but nobody can really help you here. reach out for something, you can do this man. We're never gonna see eachother again very soon, but remember the guy that cares about you if you get too miserable again. Anon cares, bro. You are not alone, I'm not alone... kind of.
Y'all faggots need to man up. Depression is something you decide to have. You can have whatever you want, be that fitness/ a girlfriend / money whatever, just go out and realize it. And stop crying in this thread as if you were females.
I wish I could tell you that you can change, that's the typical response in this kind of situation. I don't want to give you disingenuous bullshit.
Turn the hate you feel into love, if not for yourself, for the person you love.
I know how you all feel, I really how that you will find happiness within your time on earth brother; we need to carry on with our lives. See you in Paradise.
But the person I love, doesn't anymore
>I know it's pathetic but i just like to sit in my room
>Be alone with no noise
>And daydream and think about her
>Sit back and think about what could of been
>And once was
>Or dream but, the thing about dreaming is
>Once you wake up; the soul crushing truth comes to mind
>It's just a dream
Apples and oranges m8. The problem for most isn't the lack of any of those things. It's the lack of wanting. The lack of passion that drives most to carry forward. There is no degree of mind over matter that can change those circumstances when the mind is what is wrong in the first place.
You're still breathing, and that girl isn't the only girl in the fucking world, don't think 'oh she was the only one' find someone else and love her as much as you can.
You have to move on unless you want to be alone.
I used to love these threads. My life has been shitty for the last few years, friends have abandoned me, parents have lost their jobs and things looked dead bleak. I used to come to these threads because it showed me that i wasn't alone in my grief. Other people had things bad, some even worse than i did and that is what drove me forward.
Eventually I got an opportunity, i got into university and things were finally looking up, parents had found other work and my life was coming together, and then everything was taken from me.
My parents died in a car accident, i did even know until 4 days later when the police contacted me. Had use the majority of my student loan to bury them, only 3 people turned up to the service, me and the elderly couple they were friends with.
As a result of this my grades suffered immensely, i just couldn't focus and i was given the boot from uni 2 weeks ago.
Once again i find myself lurking these threads and i feel... nothing.
I'm not even sad, i'm just numb. I can't find enjoyment in anything, i can't feel anything, i have zero motivation for anything. In a way i'm glad my parents are dead, they would be ashamed if they could see now.
I wish i was dead too.
Day after day, love turns grey like the skin of a dying man. Night after night, we pretend its all right but I have grown older and you have grown colder and nothing is very much fun any more. I can feel one of my turns coming on. I feel cold as a razor blade, tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum.
Run to the bedroom, in the suitcase on the left you'll find my favorite axe. Don't look so frightened this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days. Would you like to watch T.V.? Or get between the sheets? Or contemplate the silent freeway? Would you like something to eat? Would you like to learn to fly?
Would you like to see me try?
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
I feel you. I try to find pleasure in the simpler things now. A cool winter morning. Hot tea. Copious amounts of alcohol with a little benzodiazepine till I can't even see straight. Any of the daily rituals that can take my mind off itself.
Unfortunately that's all there is to do. I wish I could cry too. It would make the grief a lot easier to deal with.
You're not alone; even if you are.
When I call those 800 numbers and get asked how I'm doing, I used to ask that question to them. I stopped when I figured it seemed to slow the conversation down; some even seemed, in hind-sight anyway, surprised I asked. They tried to move right along and I interrupted them by asking.
(((HUGS))) We can be okay together
Man, I don't what to do.
>My life was shit so I tried hard to change it.
>I got some vacation from my crap work to study for a test that would get me a good job.
>I got sick 2 days before my vacation with a severe intestinal infection.
>Tried to study, studied how I could always trying to go for 10 hours per day.
>Waste all my money on classes, medicines and etc
>Only got 76% on the test
I seriously worked hard for this guys, this was the first thing in my life that I really worked my ass of to.
My life is still shit and I'm a fucking retard. Just like everyone said.
Thank you for caring but, i can barely afford to eat. Most of my money is going towards stopping their house from being repossessed.
I can't bring myself to sell it, it would be like losing the last part of them.
I just posted how I feel dude. Those the two posts I linked to make me feel like absolute fucking dogshit, and part of me knows that they either are, or are eventually going to be true.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you get to keep it. If not save everything you can. It's the memories that will always be the most precious.
People on the internet have always treated me better than those in real life. Hell, even you guys, the sarcastic, angry pricks of the internet, have no expectations of me, you don't want my money, or to do you a favor that you won't return, you guys just do whatever the fuck you want and allow me to do the same.
The internet has kept me alive the past few years, and I'm internally thankful for it.
>be me, 23 year old fighter jet crew chief, my first deployment to Iraq
>meet my roommate for first time
>the kid is 20, pale skin, limbs like twigs, coke bottle glasses and love magic the gathering
>we were blessed with internet in our shack
>he spends most his free time getting yelled at by his bitch of a wife
>i hated that cunt and didn't even know her but i knew he deserved way better
>his views on life astounded me, always optimistic and seizing the day
>he the butt of everyone's jokes and we always imply when the shit hits the fan he's the first one running to save his cards
>one day i over hear a convo he was having with La Puta, the nickname i gave his wife
>she's cheated on him, she feels bad but she has needs and he wasn't there for her
>i lose my mind yelling at her about how her husband is in the desert fighting for his country and she couldn't keep her legs closed for him
>he tells me to calm down and understands her situation and forgives her
>2 days later on patrol i can see he's devastated
>he looks back at me, gives me a smile and tell me "everyday is a holiday"
>crazy bastard i thought
>he's a glutton for punishment
>out of nowhere the SHIT HITS THE FAN
>no one can make sense of where anything is coming from
shall i continue?
Fuck it I'll drink to that. To all you miserable, self-loathing cunts living in places I'll never visit. I don't know you and you don't know me, but we know each other better than most.
I've lived through a bunch of really shitty shit mate - keep that head up, there's always a bright side.
My life now is exactly where I need to be, if i hadnt gone through all the agony and suffering, I would have just kept skating through life living like all the rest of the degenerate fools.
Happiness comes from within man - anyone in here coming across this, as stupid and unlikely as it sounds, your sadness etc are all just habits of thought patterns. TO be happy when you've experienced true sadness takes WORK....hard fucking work. But each day that you take steps towards this joy, you gets glimpses of what it means to be truly happy.
Meditation will help your conscious self be more in control of your subconscious self (which is what produces spontaneous thought)
As time passes you become more and more in control of your thoughts, and eventually all that sadness feels like it never existed and it was all meant to happen to make you the person you were meant to be
This song, man. This fucking song.
I lost my love recently. At least I think we loved each other, I don't really know anymore.
>Break up the day after my birthday
>She fucks/briefly dates someone else a week after
>Two months later I'm still a mess
>Favorite pet died last week
I'm thinking I need professional help. I can't stop thinking about her. I have nightmares about her. I feel no motivation or sense of direction or purpose in my life.
Thanks for the feels, guys.
I come to /b/ when I'm depressed or suicidal. These /b/awww threads in particular have really helped me (in one of my last semesters at college I was having a really hard time finishing this paper and while it wasn't really good (for some reason, asking for help never occured to me) it still helped keep my moral up).
I just haven't had much luck getting any penpals. I have one right now (from Germany) and another from ON (but we communicate through e-mail).
I don't hate life, I just hate this emptiness that comes with it. Of course I believe it's a chemical imbalance in my head, so what are you ganna do huh? First love of my life was a girl from 9th grade, I'm a junior in ou illegal and still crazy about her. Not a day goes without thinking about her because from age 14-19 she was my angel. After we stopped talking this void in my body opened up again and it just hurts to be awake is how I see it. Definitely don't hate life though, it's been too good for me.
Does anyone want me to write more about how to train yourself to be happy? I've been in the process of writing articles or a book about it since I went down this path and have found out what works.
jesus anon holy shit