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ITT: We list everything that have been shoved...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

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ITT: We list everything that have been shoved up our asses.

-gf fingers
-own fingers
-doctor fingers
-suppositories
-thermometer
-enemas
-sharpie
>>
>>567696820
ur mom LOLLOLLOLOLOL
>>
>>567696820
dicks?
>>
toothbrush, candle, fingers, handle of a razor, pens, other toothbrushes..
>>
gf fingers
my fingers¨doctor fingers
toothbrush
candle
toy ninja dagger
carrot
small cucumber
sharpie
>>
lold
>>
>>567696820
>Own fingers
>magnets
>pens
>15 ice cubes (Yes I counted)
>shit
So yeah, the normal stuff
>>
>vodka tampon
>rat
>squirrel
>fire hose
>2 people I just met
>my bro
It was a good night
>>
>>567697383
They probably started melting..I bet you could do 30
>>
>>567697383
Oh, and I forgot cheese and ham
and a water enema
>>
>>567697383
>ice cubes
i was tempted to try this but then i got one near my asshole and noped the fuck out
>>
>>567697531
Water in your asshole that you can't get out is the worst thing ever.

even more so when its cold...

>amature anal play guy who can't open enough to get the water out
>>
>>567697512
Do you realise how uncomfortable it is though, having your rectum's temperature slowly lowered to unbearable temperatures? That was the best wank ever.
>>
>>567696820
Nothing ever. Fucking faggs
>>
>>567697710
I also forgot to mention the fact the ice cubes were not smooth. I didn't notice when they were going in because they were so cold, but it stung like hell shitting out the water through my bleeding ass
>>
>>567697918
i think you have of confused with males who attracted to other males
>>
>>567696820
>Fingers
>Plunger handle
>Bubble blower thing that looks like a lightsaber
>Pen
>>
>>567697709
i got them near and my asshole just clenched shut.

i can't really see the appeal

>>567697710
how is this if it's so uncomfortable?
>>
Your fist
>>
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>>567697513
What the serious fuck
>>
Fingers
Vibrating toothbrush handle
Hair brush handle
Nunchuck Handle.
>>
>>567696820
> several dildos
> butt plug
> beads
> knife handle
> fingers
> ice cubes
> dick
>>
>>567698106
I'm not sure if it's masochism or the fact I ran to my room holding in an uncomfortable amount of water and proceeded to force myself to cum before I could run back to the toilet to be able to let it out.
>>
>>567696820

this thread
>>
-Fingers
-Pen
-Thermometer
-Dildo
-gf's fingers
-gf's tongue
-gf's hand
-gf's strapon
-married man's dick
-anal beeds
>>
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>>
>>567698219
A fellow ice buddy
What was your experience like?
>>
>>567698463
hope that wasn't a glass thermometer.

be careful, anon
>>
>>567698380
haha that doesn't sound appealing at all but good for you if you can get off on it
>>
>>567698554
Not that memorable. I tried it after a light sm session and the girl wasn't really into it.
>>
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Not a single god damn thing, faggots.
>>
one of those toy lightsabers, not all the way but i did it a lot after high school when I masturbated.
It was a green one, for the curious
>>
Own fingers
Both Ex Boyfriend's Fingers, toungue and dick
Dildo
Spoon Handle
Lynx/Axe can
Small action figure's heads when i was a kid
3 cellphones
Lava lamp
Bottle
Ice cubes
Shower bottle
Apple
Baseball
Door handle
Various foods and candy
>>
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>>567698531
>>
>>567696820

Nothing.

I'm not a faggot.
>>
Own fingers
Guitar whammy bar
Own buttplug
Mother's dildo
Sharpie
Pen
Loofa handle
Two vibrating eggs at once
Thermometer
Chop sticks
>>
>>567696820
finger
marbles
an egg(worst idea possible but i was horny)
cucumber
water/milk (milk is better, water dries out your ass and makes it hurt).

>Nohomo
>>
>>567696820
>ITT: We list everything that have been shoved up our asses.

I am confused, how would all of you know what has been shoved up my ass?
>>
>>567696820
fingers
spoon
enema
suppository
vibrator
cloth
>>
my fingers
doctors fingers
shampoo bottles(always empty shampoo bottles kicking around our shower when I was younger, would wash them out and fill with warm water and douche myself and fap)
often fapped while impaling myself on the bedpost of my bed

i was a fucked up kid, i dont do any of this any more
>>
>>567696820
OP
>>
toothbrush handle. hurt, sucked. put a condom over it, still sucked. realized i guess im not a faggot.

since then, nothing.
>>
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>>567699457
>>
>my fingers
>plastic soldiers
>toy cars
>toilet paper
>my hand
>>
>>567696820
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjhtTVE1ths
>>
My fingers,
Ex GF fingers.
One vibrating egg (So scared when my ass clenched, felt like it was going deeper inn nomatter what)
Ex GF's sister's dildo.
A dildo creation of my own penis.
A roll-on deodorant with a condom on it (The cap started to break in my ass)
>>
-Fingers
-GF Fingers
-Enemas
-Medium BD toys.
>>
>>567698994

almost got a boner then threw up
>>
>>567696820
My fingers
gf fingers
Two guys fingers
Four guys dicks
cucumber
brush handle
ice cubes
Three butt plugs
dildo
Four peoples tongues
frozen banana I think
maybe a toilet plunger handle
Pretty normal I guess
>>
>>567699738
>Ex GF's sister's dildo.
winner
>>
>pool cue
>wierd coat hanger
>shower nob
>fingers
>sisters dildo

straight as fuck
>>
>>567698994
......all at once
>>
Homemade enema
Lipstick
Mascara brush
Ice cubes
My fingers
Beer bottle
Detachable swifter handle
Ice pack shaped like a dildo
Bedpost
Tampon applicator
Panties
Bouncing ball
Hair conditioner bottle used to simulate creampie
Surprisingly still a virgin.
>>
gf finger
>>
>own fingers
>screwdriver handles
>playstation move controller
>vibrator
>sharpies
>toothbrush
>smooth highlighters
>>
>>567696820
>own finger
>coat hanger
About it. I was weird in middle school.
>>
ITT : laughable self stimulation
>>
>own fingers
>15-20 marbles
>shit load of water
>shower hose
>self made wax buttplug(was to smal though)
>some make-up stuff from my sister(eyeliner etc.)
>showergel
>hairspray bottle
>egg vibrator
>>
Syringe full of heroin (no needle on it), and my good ole finger
>>
>>567696820
>finger
>sharpie
>thin crayola marker
>piece of cloth
>>
Fingers, sharpie, thermometer
>>
>>567701013
Lol I would be way to worried about losing one of those marbles.
>>
Dildos, anal beads, butt plugs, toothbrush handles, enema/douche nozzles, suppository pills, fingers, thermometers....that's all I'm coming up with at the moment, but I'm sure there were other household/bathroom objects from back in the early days.
>>
bf fingers on accident
just-the-tip on accident
suppositories
>>
>>567697918
>tfw you're a closet homosexfag that wont admit to enjoying dick
>>
>>567698653
i imagine it would be best to use the ice cubes for water bottles
>>
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an ass has been up my ass
>>
Why would you shove stuff up your ass?
>>
In chronological order:

-my fingers
-sausage
-cucumber
-chicken egg
-tomato
-banana
-water
-milk
-urine
-some plastic tube
-syringe
-carrot
-girl's fingers
-dildo made of plasticine
-guy's fingers
-guy's dick
>>
>>567696820
Fingers
Toothbrush handle
A carrot
Various pens
Shower handle
>>
>>567701816
Is you're ass a blender? This almost looks like an ingredient list.
>>
The Aryan Brotherhood
>>
>finger
>sharpie
>cucumber
>hairbrush handle
>half of boyfriend dick but too tight :^~)
>>
this entire thread is dildos
>>
>my fingers
>probably a suppository or 2 when i was a kid, i cant remember though
>a pen when i was a teenager "experimenting"

30 now and ive worked out a long time ago that im not into butt stuff. So, yeah...
>>
-My fingers -Wooden end of a jump-rope -Sharpie -Rock Band drum stick
>>
>>567701605
just imagine another ass in an ass. come on
>>
>own fingers
>sharpie
>thermometer
>suppository
>enema
>dildo
>screwdriver handle
>vibrating toothbrush handle
>bananas , carrots , cucumbers and zuchinis

and these last guys I wont try again

>homemade golf ball anal beads
>bowling pin tip
>homemade gravity enema made from plastic tubing and a coke bottle.
>>
I think I got some toilet paper stuck in there once. Is that dangerous?
>>
>dildo
>hairbrush handle
>plunger handle
>toothbrush
>aa battery
>dick
>finger
>drumstick
>>
fingers
eggs
flour
water
bricks
fruit
cereal
keys
toilet handle
razor blade
phones
cocks
bats
tennis ball
my penis
couple fists
chair leg
air freshener
pasta bowl
bin liners
olive oil
remote control
wallet
feet
and a couple cans of coke
>>
>biggest part and deeper of the softball target swing trainer. its the picture attached
>flashlight
>long, thick cucumber. it was about 1-1.5 ft long. all the way in my ass
>my fist
>bedpost
>tried to do a foam football and an orange. not quite there yet
>loofa handle
>pill vibrator
>carrot
>ice cubes
>1 bottle of water
>hexbug while it was on
>vibrating razor
>homemade clay dildo after it was in the freezer for 20-30mins
>2 golf balls at once
>>
>thermometer
>colonoscopy gear
>my intestines
>>
Dildo
Finger
M Butt plug
Pencil
Sharpie
Small cucumber
Carrots
Tooth brush
Vibrating toothbrush
Hair brush handle
Lint roller handle
Rolled up towel
Douche
Arm of a chair
Ice cubes
Tubing
Milk
Water
Bar of soap
Oil
Jacuzzi jet
Broomstick handle
Clay shaped like a dick
Foam shaped like a dick
Candles

That's all I can remember right now.
Never actually had a real dick.
>>
>>567702905
What was the best ?
>>
>>567703687
Dildo, when I shoved the battery up my ass. It slipped and went inside my ass causing lots of panic, luckily I pooped it out
>not gay btw
This shit was all curiosity as a young kid
>>
>>567696820
thats a difficult one
cucumber
a whole bunch of dildoes,
gf fingers
my fingers
buttplugs
shower hose
marbles
pens
etc etc.


ive had tons of different stuff in my ass.
>>
-my own finger
-sharpie
-phallic rock
-multiple pens
-the very tip of my penis
-a cd's cock

I think that's it. Not really that big on anal play. It hurts.
>>
>>567696820
my fingers
2 gf's fingers
sharpie
pen
toothbrush handle
plunger handle
balloon animal pump
flashlight handle
drumstick
prostate vibe
dildo
3 butt plugs
anal beads
3 guys' dicks
1 guy's fingers
razor handle
banana i think
one of those big bubble wand things
pepperoni (with a condom on it)
>>
>>567700751
> a goddamn Playstation move controller
Kek'd
>>
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Sock
>>
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>>567704737
>-phallic rock
>>
enema
>>
>>567698994
>Small action figure's heads when i was a kid
story?
>>
>>567705548
Hey I was there for that. It was two socks if I remember correctly.
>>
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>>567706010
>>
>>567696820
>cousins dick
>tooth brush
>broom stick
>carrot
>cucumber
>lint roller
>razor blade handle
>own fingers
>knife handle
>Katana handle
>>
>>567706010
it's like classic rock but really gay
>>
>>567696820
> own finger
> suppositories
>>
>>567696820
>thermometer
>in the fucking ass
Why? Just why
>>
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>>567697495
>vodka tampon
>>
>>567696820
-own fingers
-screwdriver handles
-car ice scraper
-electric razor handle
-sharpies
>>
>>567706837
rectal thermometer, faggot.
>>
dildos
vibrator
butt plug
apples
various bottles
ice cubes
tampons
fleshlight sleeve
extra large novelty dice
aglass drink stirrer
candle holder with a similar shape to a butt plug
silicone ladle
whisk
garden hose
various soap bars
>>
I've put more things in my urethra than in my butt.
>>
>>567707010
Yes but...
Why
>>
>>567696820
-my hand
I want a though, don't know what however.
>>
Your mom
>>
>>567696820
>tfw op reminds you of how much you want a cock in your ass
>>
Man. Okay I'm game.
-Paper towel holder
-Vacuum handle
-Broken drumstick (music not food)
-Own finger
-Mom's finger

Girlfriend attempted to do the prostate thing once and I was like NOPE.jpg
Nobody's penetrating me but me.

And mom.
>>
>>567702374
you just made my goddamn day
>>
>>567696820
Fairly certain that suppositories and enemas are the same thing.
May be wrong.

Dildo, own fingers, fuck buddy's fingers, three penises (not at once!)
>>
Toothbrush
My finger
Suppository

I'm so fucking hardcore
>>
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>>567707156
Same reason you'd use a rectal screwdriver, rectal silicon ladle, rectal garden hose, or any of the other rectal items listed in this thread.
>>
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in the order they happened across my life:

suppositories
own fingers
own lubed fingers
lubed makeshift candle dildo
large carrot carved into penis shape
lubed makeshift rolled-up newspaper with condom

Definitely going to buy a proper dildo when I move out

starting to wonder if I might be bi
>>
a metal pipe with a bouncy baall taped to the end, covered in several layers of socks, then a textured rubber glove stretched over it all. The glove broke inside my ass, the socks were thrown away.
>>
>>567696820
over 9000 cocks
>>
>>567707391
tell me about it...i keep staring at my CL post and refreshing my email to no avail.
>>
>>567707546
are you attracted to men? if yes, you might be bi.

if you just like stuff in your butt, you just like stuff in your butt. it doesn't mean you like men.
that would be like saying a girl liking her pussy licked makes her a lesbian.
>>
>>567706785
>>567706785

i lol'ed
>>
Ball
Tampon
hand
I'm looking for some toys now.
>>
>>567707738

I jerk it to gay porn sometimes, but never done anything IRL with a guy so I don't know if I'd actually enjoy it.
>>
>>567700027

Surprisingly indeed - where you located, hmmm?
>>
nothing has ever been in or out of my ass, faggots
>>
>>567707738
So if someone likes cocks in their ass, it's not gay if it's girlcock?
>>
so, my /b/rethren of butt destruction, i'm looking for a new toy but don't know what to get.
i have a prostate vibe, but don't use it anymore because the batteries died and it doesn't feel very good.
i also have a 7'' suction cup jelly dildo, 3 butt plugs from small to large, and a set of anal beads.
what should i get next?
>>
gf fingers
a friends dick
my fingers
my dildo
my mums dildo
my mums anal beads
my mums butt plug
toothbrush
half a beer bottle
sharpie
tampon
hairbrush handle
>>
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>>567696820
>various fingers
>various bottles
>various toys of more and more ambituous length and girth
>various long thick objects most notably a 12 inch long mag light flashlight
>soooo many bareback cocks...oh my god so many
Not gay fuck you I love the pussy
>>
>>567708012
depends really.
i like actual dicks in my ass but i'm not attracted remotely to the men they're attached to. one guy wanted me to switch so i tried fucking him and i went soft instantly.

personally, i think if you're spending all your time worrying about what's "gay" or not, you're not having fun. just do what you want
>>
>>567707530
So, being a faggot
>>
>>567708152
>my mums dildo
>my mums anal beads
>my mums butt plug
you're mom a whore
>>
>>567708538
Yeah? And I'd gladly fuck that whore so heh
>>
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>>567698994

>3 cellphones
>Lava lamp
>Door handle

mfw
>>
>>567696820
>My finger
>Doctors finger
>Plastic Airsoft pellets
I don't want to expand on this list
>>
hitler's cock
>>
>ex wifes fingers
>my middle finger
>bic pen
>>
Phallic shaped headphones case
11 toothbrushes at one time
sharpies
my aunts dildos
plunger handle
spatula handle
knife handle
popsicles
I think that's it?
>>
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fingers and spider man toy
>>
Oh boy, let's go:

>My fingers
>Doctor's finger
>2 of my mothers vibrators
>Toys of my own (vibrator, buttplug, beads)
>Handle of an ice cream scoop
>Handle of a hairbrush
>Handle of an electric tooth brush
>Sharpie
>Vibrating cock ring (pic related) inside a knotted condom
>Super make-shift enema (I should really go grab an enema kit some time).

And the worst one of all:
>A fucking lemon drop
>be like 14
>just getting into anal play
>love doing shit outdoors / discretely around people.
>Like an exhibitionist that doesnt want to actually be seen.
>Walk to the corner store with 3 friends.
>Buy delicious lemon drops.
>Munching on them on the way back.
>It's night time and I fall just like a foot behind the group
>so nobody sees me reach into my shorts and stuff a lemon drop up my ass
>OH MY GOD IT BURNS WHAT HAVE I DONE
>Have to keep cool and not make a scene while fishing it out of my ass.
>Get it out
>Drop it into some grass next to the sidewalk we're walking on
>Nobody suspected a thing.
>>
>>567696820
60mg of morphine
>plugging opiates ftw
>>
>>567698052
Oh my god you fucking moron
>>
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>>567707463
>>
>>567696820
-my finger
-legos
-vibrating toothbrush
-and a toilet brush handle
>>
>gf’s fingers
>my fingers
>thermometer
>various lego pieces (was very young and stupid)
>other plastic toys
>sharpie and highlighters
>carrot
>cucumber
>plunger handle
>ice cubes
>golf balls
>large marbles
>several dildos
>many butt plugs
>beads
>screw driver handle
>many different bottles
>frozen banana
>bedpost
>tampon (not a girl)
>water
>toothbrush
>vibrating spiral pen thing
>smooth river stones

probably more, but this is all I can remember right now.
>>
>>567696820
own fingers
gf fingers
gf tongue
ex gf dildo
sharpies
hot dog
doctor fingers
carrot
mothers vibrator
playsation controller
plunger handle
door stopper
various bottles
>>
-fingers
-pens
-markers
-sharpies
-butt plugs
-dildos
-vibrators
-prostate messagers
-penis's
-ice cube
-cooking utensils
-D20 dice set
-and other stuff I can't remember
>>
>Fingers
>Pencils/pens
>Sister's hairbrush handle
>Toothbrush
>Sister's plastic banana
>Gf's butt plug and dildo
>Crutch handle
>Wooden balls from coat hanger
>Toilet roll holder
>Water
>Deodorant can
>Drumstick
>Chest of drawer's handle
>Own dick
Probably more
>>
-gf fingers
-own fingers
-doctor fingers
-suppositories
-thermometer
-enemas
-sharpie
-surgical camera
-hair brush
-moms dildo when i was 14
>>
>>567710341
oh god plz tell me you shots those dice out with rapid force. or that this was a punishment to dice who would just not roll well.
>>
Ex's cock
Ex's fingers
Own fingers
Sharpie
>>
>>567709593

Oh and tampons. How did I forget tampons? Those were like the first things I ever put up there other than my fingers.
>>
>>567696820
> My brothers penis =/
> My Fingers
> Some guy I met on the bus fingers
> the end of one of those plastic swords that extend
> end of a toothbrush
> end of a plunger
> numerous dildos
> bottle
> cucumber
> pickle
> carrot
> candle
> Dr's fingers
> hot dog
> Enema kit
> fake fruit from mothers kitchen
> Honey
> Marbles
> my cats paw
> Broom stick
> My ex gf's tongue
> Handle of a spachela
> Hair brush handle

I don't like to waste food, so I ended up putting it back in the fridge, and we most likely ate the vegetables at some point. Maybe that's how my dad got cancer =/
>>
>>567710750
I now feel somewhat less slutty seeing everything else everyone has stuck up their asses.
>>
-My fingers
-Gf fingers
-Ex fingers
-Doctor fingers
-Some guys fingers
-Dildo
-Butt plugs
-Ultrasound probe
-enema
-Thermometer
>>
>>567710665
I need to make a really important saving throw
>>
Faggots will burn in Hell, I hope Boxxy fucks you in the ass with a horse cock
>>
>>567712226
I'd enjoy that
>>
>>567712226
my bone
>>
>>567711186

Having homosexual anal sex is sluttier than random vegetables/toothbrushes/vibrators. Not that that's a bad thing, but an actual cock trumps all the cock imitations.
>>
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>>567696820
>my fingers
>pen
>pencil
>battery
>Assorted bottles (Jack daniels, beer, coke, etc.)
>Dildos (assorted)
>Crayons
>Candy
>Whipped Cream
>Dick
>Dog Dick
>Fist
>Cucumber
>Gf's Fingers
>Gf's Fist
>Can of arizona iced tea
>Tongue GF
>Tongue BF
>Buttplugs
>broom
>Screw driver
>Pills
>Enema stuff
>Water
>Candle Stick
>Assorted shampoos and conditioners and soaps
>Lube
and
>A WII Remote

mfw i write all of this out for the first time
>>
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>>567696820
Things in this image.
And the one to follow.
And my fingers/fist
And a screwdriver
And a beer bottle
>>
>>567701968
No, it's a food processor

GET IT?
>>
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>>
>>567706785
tenouttaten
>>
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>>567708001
You've never pooped?
>>
>>567696820
>My fingers
>sharpie
>pencil handle of a whisk
>handle of a screwdriver
>buttplug
>shampoo bottle
>toilet paper holder thing
>water gun
>>
>>567713086
Did you play the wii with the remote up your ass?
>>
>>567696820

>doctor fingers
>my fingers
>dildo (from gf and also from me)
>butt plug
>carrot
>candle
>vibrating egg
>>
finger
sharpie
multiple sharpies
disposable razor (handle side)
dish scrubbing wand handle side
shampoo bottle
cucumber with condom on it
c cell maglite
hammer handle
screwdriver handle
girlfriends vibrator
triple sec bottle
beer bottle
suppositories
a bic lighter
curling iron [pressed the handle open inside and pinched the inside of my asshole :( ]
hairbrush


think thats it
>>
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>>567706727
And a sharpie for posterity
>>
Strap-on
several butt plugs
My fingers
My ex girlfriends fingers
My ex girlfriends tongue
Doctors Fingers
Enemas
Frozen Marshmallows <------TRY THIS for fucking serious
>>
>>567703221
>my penis
wait, what
>>
ex-gf's dildo

ex-wifes finger

my finger

eel
>>
penis
dildo
buttplug
fingers
>>
Own fingers
Pen
GFs fingers
GFs vibrator
Anal Beads
GFs tongue
Banana
>>
>>567716562
I'm sorry did you say eel?
>>
How do you get your girls to put fingers up there?
>>
>>567717205

I did

and it was better than you could possibly imagine
>>
>>567696820
fingers
toothbrush case
prostate massager
miniature buttplug
Small butt plug
medium butt plug
large buttplug
>>
>>567717281

find a whore
>>
>>567696820
Jesus...I've never really thought of all the things I've shoved up my ass. I really feel like a faggot right now.
>shaprie, obviously
>numerous pens
>hairbrush
>toothbrush (not the bristle end)
>stick of chapstick
>cotton swabs
>a sock
>my finger, a billion times
>>
-fingers
-toothbrush
-paintbrush
-sharpie
-hotdogs
-banana
-chair post
-gf's fingers
-funnel
-pill bottle

That sums it up nicely.
>>
>>567718249

Were the hotdogs any good? I might try that.
>>
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>my toy horse's leg
>literally nothing else ever.
>>
hmmm

I''m thinking of trying a hotdog now

how come I never thought of that before? cuz they are floppy as fuck maybe?

perhaps if I freeze them first....
>>
>>567718397

I seriously do not recommend it. they shred quickly and all you're left with is chunks of hotdog in your butthole and a lot of shame.
>>
>>567710349
>Own dick
explain how
>>
but a hotdog might not be big enough... maybe I should freeze some hot sausage... pun totally intended... but will it burn like fuck even if it's frozen?
>>
>>567716295
>Frozen Marshmallows
well, that's a new one
wouldn't it like.. be sticky when you shit them out?
>>
>>567718846
probably, use a condom
or a dildo
>>
Gfs fingers
My fingers
Doctors fingers
Not very interesting sorry faggots
>>
>>567719070
They get compacted as you insert, then expand when inside. They come out vary cleanly actually, its more of a mess getting them in. Just freeze them then squeeze them into little balls and shove them in.
>>
>>567719394


hmmm, condom, not a bad idea

I have frozen sausage... but no dildos

condoms are only like 50 cents, dildos are much more expensive, and you can't eat them afterwards.... I'm just worried about it having a rubber taste... I"m just gonna shove it in bare and deal with the pain.
>>
and what the fuck kind of doctors do you guys have?

my doctor has clutched my nuts, but never shoved any fingers up my ass

now, cops, whatever they were, a bit different. But that's an experience I'd like to forget
>>
-Own fingers
-travel size shampoo bottle
-hair brush handle
-paint brush handles
-Frozen hotdogs, would recommend
-Sharpies (once got 7 in at once)
-peg thing from a coat rack
-Shovel handle
-plunger handle
-i once came into a cup and sucked it up with a turkey baster and creampied myself
-ping pong balls
-weird bubble stick that looked like a lightsaber

that's all i can remember off the top of my head
>>
>>567719696
doesn't it come wrapped in plastic..?
>>
>>567719861
maybe they give unasked for prostate exams?
>>
>>567720239

it does, but the ends are exposed

coming from someone who tried shampoo as anal lube, I'm a bit cautious what I stick up my ass now


have you ever tried to touch your dick after touching hot peppers? even accidentally? it's not fun
>>
>>567696820
Fingers, dicks, dildos, various spoons, forks, knives, spatulas, pots, pans, various other cooking utencils, hand saw, wrenches, screwdrivers, hammers, nails, tacks, glue gun, caulk gun and caulk, hand trowel, garden trowel, shovel, rake, bicycle, Ford Taurus, various fishing boats, a sloop, a barque, and a frigate, three WWII vintage tanks, 2 biplanes, an experimental jet airplane, 2 rocket boosters, the eiffel tower, a bullet train, a 707, 727,and a 737, a fully loaded semi with an oversized hazmat load, 47 clowns, 3 elephants, 2 anacondas, and large furry bunny rabbit.
>>
>>567720398


prostrate exams are just an excuse for faggot doctors to shove their fingers into otherwise straight mens asses

It's a good gig, if you're into that kind of thing.
>>
- my fingers
- gf's fingers
- guy friend's fingers
- guy friend's cock
- my cock
- prostate massager
- my dildo
- gf's dildo
- screwdriver handle
- thick side of a pool cue
- ice cubes
- carrots
- cucumbers
- zucchini
- broccoli
- bananas
- drumstick
- sharpie
- wine/beer bottle
- plastic lube bottle
- hairbrush handle
- flared plunger handle
- faucet handle
- dog toy
>>
>>567720628
>bicycle, Ford Taurus, various fishing boats, a sloop, a barque, and a frigate, three WWII vintage tanks, 2 biplanes, an experimental jet airplane, 2 rocket boosters, the eiffel tower, a bullet train, a 707, 727,and a 737, a fully loaded semi with an oversized hazmat load, 47 clowns, 3 elephants, 2 anacondas, and large furry bunny rabbit.
pics or you lie
>>
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>>567719696
Just buy a cheap dildo. You can get them as cheap as $10.
>>
>>567720781

pics of the zucchini please
>>
>>567696820
-fingers (mine and gfs)
-ice condom
-spatula handle
-dick
-dildo
>>
>>567720905
Did you see a mother fucking camera in that list, nigga?
I ain't doin that shit again.
>>
>>567720905


pics of the sloop plz


one of my fetishes>>567720947
>>
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>>567721210
Was quite expensive but totally worth it.
My favorite toy bar far.
>>
>>567720947


horsecock is not one of my fetishes


and 10 bucks is alot

that's a hit of crack
>>
>>567721210
you're responding to me responding with a quote to the first guy
>>
>my fingers
>bf's fingers
>bf's dick
>vibrator
>>
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>>567721383
It should be, horsecock is glorious
>>
>>567721375
jesus christ
>>
>>567721594
you going to stick that thing in your ass or what?
>>
>>567707125
I get infections when I do that, so I stopped.
>>
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>>567721752
Already have. There is video of me taking it all the way, but only my bf gets to see that.
>>
>>567721752


yeah, pics of it in your ass, so it can become my fetish

I'm intrigued


I still want some crack tho


but if you do it right, I'll invite you over for crack and horsecock assfucking
>>
>alll sorts of cock
>alll sorts of drugs (mostly opiates)
>dildos
>giant rhinestone butt plug
>pens
>a few different tongues
Probably a lot more that I can't think of.
>>
>>567721939
oh pls, how would he ever find out
>>
>>567696820

An F16 bullet when I was a horny teenager. It burned like a motherfucker, and I've been concerned ever since that the heavy metals might increase my risk of cancer.

I must reiterate, it burned.
>>
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>>567722657
I did the same with a dummy 20mm bullet when I was younger.

>>567722656
Yeah I don't think so. He frequents this site too.
>>
>>567723339
actually, am bf
you have my permission to post the video
>>
>Fingers
>Toilet brush handle
>Small BD toy
>Marshmallows

Marshmallows were pretty fun
>>
>>567722382


please elaborate on the opiates.... I'm intrigued
>>
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>>567723502
Yeah sure buddy.

>>567723513
>Small BD toy
Which one?
>>
>>567722657

The outer casing is copper, you're fine. Also, one exposure is not going to affect your risk of cancer, these environmental factors take years of repeated exposure to become significant, even for known carcinogens (barring the most potent carcinogens of course). You should be more concerned about the amount of fibre in your diet.
>>
>>567723548

opiates can be taken as suppositories.
>>
>>567723769
Small David the Werewolf

First time toying, wasn't sure what would work and I didn't want to rip myself in half, cumtube is okay, feels kind of gimmicky though at the end of the day
>>
>>567723938


yes, I know


I want details
>>
I'm going to try to do this in chronological order

marbles
fingers
carved tree branches
soda bottle (glass - I was young and stupid, ok)
screwdriver handle
condom filled with marbles
carved candle
electric toothbrush (with bristles covered in wax)
syringe thingy
plug
vibe
ice cubes
proper beads since glass marbles started to scare me

aaaand I've probably forgotten about a lot of miscellaneous junk
>>
How does it feel to use a BD? Like the fake cum part...I'm interested to start a collection.
>>
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>>567724112
Yeah cumtubes are a bit gimicky but on really large stuff they can be great for getting a bit more lube in there without having to pull out all the way.
Plus getting creampied at the end is really hot.
>>
>>567696820
>a sharpie
I haven't got around to putting anything else up my ass.
>>
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>>567718625
sounds like your condition is stable
>>
>>567723821

Ty for that, would suck you off and let you fuck me for this peace of mind.

No homo.
>>
>>567724652
The lube was never really warm enough to feel like it was actually cum.
>>
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>>567725139
Cold cumlube can be rather unpleasant. Warm it up a bit next time. I let the syringe sit in hot water for several minutes.

>>567724645
You should definitely by one.
They come in all shapes and sizes for people of all levels of experience. The cumtube is a nice novelty to have on at least one toy and I highly recommend getting a suction cup on every toy you can.
Once you try high quality silicone toys you will never go back.
>>
dr fingers
barbie
carrot
gspot toy
vibrator
golf ball
no penis...
>>
>>567713135
You may be my new hero. your bf is way too lucky.
>>
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>>567726434
Once he gets moved into his new place, his dick will be added to that list.
>>
dammit, OP, I just masturbated to some old pictures I took of my own hairy ass, thanks to you

what are you doing to me

what sort of narcissism is this
>>
>>567727453
Damn, I thought I was the only narcissistic ass that did that.
Well, not so much hairy as a bit pimply, but the point stands.

>>567723502
This is as close as you can get to it.
>>
>>567709593

Man I was hoping for some responses on that lemon drop story, since I've never told anybody outside /b/. Oh well. Back to shoving things up my ass like a faggot.
>>
>>567728050
yep. def my new hero.
>>
>>567728050
hrm

my fantasies about myself were actually my first clue that I might be bisexual

>>567728230
It reminds me of one time I was walking through the supermarket and my toy fell out down my pants leg. I had to awkwardly shuffle off to retrieve it without letting anyone see it or having it fall to the floor.
>>
>>567730664
For me it was more of me taking pictures for other people and going "yeah, I'd fuck me, might as well fap" while sorting through all of the ones I took for some decent ones.

What kind of toy did you have in that could fall out easily like that, couldn't have been a plug.
>>
>>567696820

What do you suggest me to use as an appropriate insertion for my virgin ass , except dildo and penis
>>
>>567731280
Fingers. Just get them nice and lubed and stick them in one after another.
First time you will probably be able to get 2 in maybe 3.
>>
>>567731225
it was one of these thingies
>>
>>567731792
yeah, those don't stay in so well.
>>
>>567732336
I would have kept it in if I hadn't gotten distracted =\
>>
-my fingers
-a super wide sharpie
-drum stick
-crayola marker
>>
>>567697383
Are ice cubes actually enjoyable? I'll do 50.
>>
>>567702712
>homemade golf ball anal beads

my fucking sides
Fingers
end of a razor
Fingers again

I started realizing how neato this shit was so the last couple times I've fingered my gf I've rubbed her asshole to see if she's liked it. I think she's digging it but doesn't want to admit it.
>>
>>567733753
good luck with that, it's fun at first but it gets pretty unbearable quickly
>>
>>567696820
>toothbrush
>fingers
>sharpie
>highlighter
>hot dog
>legos
>
>>
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>my fingers
>bfs fingers
>doctors fingers
>dads fingers
>various sharpies and pens
>dildos
>bfs dick
>enemas
>ice cubes

pretty standard stuff
>>
my finger, gfs finger, doctors finger, supositories, golf balls, dog penis, dildos, vibrators, about 9 other guys dicks, about 14 other guys fingers, my gfs strapon, a giant maglight,
>>
>>567734205
>!Chloe.C/Zg
who are you?
>>
>>567734351
i'm chloe, duh

who are YOU?
>>
>>567699738
A creation of your own dick? Explain.
>>
>>567734406
oh okay
i am anon
>>
>>567734205
>dads fingers
wat

>>567734351
Chloe duh
>>
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>>567696820
>up to 4 fingers
>pens
>pencils
>sharpies
>tiny plastic sword (I was really young but remember it because I put it in too far and couldn't get it out)
>AA and AAA batteries
>handle of shower brush thingy
>phallic-shaped bottle of lube
>mom's dildos
there might be more but that's all I can think of
>>
>>567734486
hi anon

>>567734529
w-well he had to give me an enema a few times and he used to use his fingers to lube first so it wasn't so sore for me
>>
oh. right. lets see....

-fingers
-drumstick
-vibrator
-three different plugs.
-beads
-ice cubes
-dildos
-strapon
-a penis
>>
>>567734665
I'm guessing I don't want to know why your dad was giving you an enema.
>>
>>567734876
well at least
>dad's penis
wasn't on his list
>>
>>567734876
i had stomach problems when i was a kid sometimes and the doctor said i just needed an enema

my dad wouldn't let me give it to myself so yeah
>>
>>567696820

Thermometer
Enema tube
Doctor's fingers
Nurse's fingers
The dicks of two football players who raped me for standing up for this girl, causing a prolapsed rectum. The whole school found out about it and everyone thinks I'm a fag loser.

I fucking hate this fucking town.
>>
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>>567696820
My finger
11 different fingers
4 different tongues
6 different dicks
1 fist (She was tiny. Wasn't willing to take anyone else's)
2 strap-on dildos
Anal beads
My dildo
My dildo that's shaped like a wolf dick
My dildo that's shaped like a horse dick.
Ice cubes
Rudeboy
Suppository
Enema
Thermometer
Bicycle handle
Glowstick (chemical)
Glowstick (electronic)
Poi
Probably a few dozen condoms
Banana
Banana peel after eating banana
Chapstick-shaped bottle of lube
Cum
Lube

I can't think of anything else.
>>
My fingers
wife fingers
my dick
highlighter
sharpie
brush handles
bratwurst/sausage

There's probably more, but I can't really remember. K is a hellofa drug...
>>
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>>567735232
>my dick
teach me your ways
>>
>>567735524
hah i did that once

uncomfortable as fuck
>>
>>567735124
that still doesn't explain why his finger slipped in your ass
>>
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>>567735124
Sounds incredibly unfun.

>>567735146
Fisted but only 11 different fingers? I can get 10 by myself.
Bad Dragon horse and wolf dicks?
>>
>>567735771
he was applying lube, i said that :P

>>567735858
meh, it wasn't fun but it'd not like it was a traumatic experience or anything
>>
>>567735524
I can get the end of my foreskin in if I stretch it that direction when I'm soft-ish

if anyone invents a portal or something that allows for proper self-dicking please let me know
>>
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>>567735998
Like one of these?
>>
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>>567736092
>>567735998
>>
Ever?

fingers
dildo
another dildo
cock
another cock
thick cock
gf's fingers
thick cock again
black cock
foam baseball bat
prostate massager
>>
Dildos, ice cube, hair brush, my own cum, fingers

Ice cubes is a bad idea mang
>>
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>>567735858
Well, I mostly meant 'the fingers of 11 different people.' I don't remember who put how many fingers inside me.

Bad dragon is best dragon.
>>
>>567737502
>Ice cubes is a bad idea mang

whut? i fucking loooove them
>>
>>567735998

Yeah, it was mostly just the tip. Maybe an inch. And it was softish. Not a raging boner, but snorting shit up your nose and drinking all night makes it hard to get hard anyways. But it's possible to get that fucker in there.
>>
>>567696820
>own fingers
>marbles
>ping pong ball
>lightsaber
>hershey's kisses
>shaft of a plunger
>enemas
>many toothbrushes
BONUS:
slipped the chain of a necklace down my dick once
>>
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>>567737625
Ok, that makes a lot more sense.
I just ordered my 5th toy from them this week (large Vergil)
>>
I haven't done it for probably 12-13 years. Just not that into it anymore...
>>
Two dicks and some marshmallows
>>
>>567738393
marshmallows you say?
>>
>>567738429
Yeah. Marshmallows, diaper play thing
>>
- cd spindle
- test tube
- fingers
- shovel handle
- flashlight
- vibrator
- D cell maglite
- enemas
>>
>>567738847
ahhh
>>
>gf's fingers/tongue
>various butt plugs
>smooth dildo, vibrating and normal
>vibrating egg
>prostate toy
>>
>>567738429
Its actually amazing. Freeze then, then squeeze them into balls and shove them in.
>>
>>567733753
feels fucking great man. I don't know whats wrong with u and the other guy though, more than 10 is way too much already and is sure to result in mud butt
>>
> my fingers
> dildo
> sharpie

Nothing too extreme.

Kinda unsure whether or not I even enjoy anal play.
>>
>>567698052
>bleeding ass
Damn, I really wanted to try this...
>>
-up to 4 of my fingers
-various zucchinis
-a hexbug tube
-banana
>>
>>567741854
it's the cold that's appealing, so just wrap the ice in something to be safe
>>
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> Chapter 1 - Random shit
plastic bolt
plastic strawberry
C battery
funnel
1.5" plastic ball on a string
2" ball bearing
two 2" ball bearings
3" bouncy ball
string of magnetic balls
foam football
foam basketball
5 foam stress balls
balloon, then inflated it
misc pens/markers/etc
>10 sharpies
>15 pencils

> Chapter 2 - Random bottles and shit
mary kay something bottle
two small shampoo bottles
big shampoo bottle
12oz soda can
20oz soda bottle
0.5L water bottle
tall smooth 1L water bottle

> Chapter 3 - Things fashioned out of random shit
balled up socks (no wrap)
balled up socks wrapped in condoms
3 large balls wrapped in socks wrapped in condoms
3 apples wrapped in socks wrapped in condoms
smooth rubber grip packed with foam to make dildo
bouncy balls and rope made into anal beads
vibrator made out of misc electronics and a pvc pipe and some wood.

(part 1 of 2)
>>
>2 of those thicker sharpies
>a lightsaber toy I still kept from my childhood, got it in about 8 inches
>electric toothbrush
>all five fingers at once, only about an inch and a half in
>hotel shampoo bottle that i used as a buttplug
>tfw you want a dick in there so badly...
>>
>>567742604
(part 2 of 2)

> Chapter 4 - food
multiple ice cubes
big ice cube made in drinking glass
hershey's kisses
big sucker
spaghetti noodles
cucumber
apple
two apples
eggplant

> Chapter 5 - actual sex toys
sister's vibrator
12" jelly dildo
2.5"d anal beads
rippled butt plug
3"d ace of spades butt plug
dick rambone
16" monster cock
three bangs for your butt large
huge butt plug with a whole through it
8" rippley probe
3" diameter pine tree shaped thing
3.25"d butt plug
3.5"d fish shaped butt plug
cyclops dick
>>
>>567742604
everyone has at some point tried to make their own anal fail beads
>>
>>567740879
And the feeling after they dissolve...mmm
Thread replies: 306
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