ITT: We list everything that have been shoved up our asses.
I also forgot to mention the fact the ice cubes were not smooth. I didn't notice when they were going in because they were so cold, but it stung like hell shitting out the water through my bleeding ass
I'm not sure if it's masochism or the fact I ran to my room holding in an uncomfortable amount of water and proceeded to force myself to cum before I could run back to the toilet to be able to let it out.
Both Ex Boyfriend's Fingers, toungue and dick
Small action figure's heads when i was a kid
Various foods and candy
shampoo bottles(always empty shampoo bottles kicking around our shower when I was younger, would wash them out and fill with warm water and douche myself and fap)
often fapped while impaling myself on the bedpost of my bed
i was a fucked up kid, i dont do any of this any more
Ex GF fingers.
One vibrating egg (So scared when my ass clenched, felt like it was going deeper inn nomatter what)
Ex GF's sister's dildo.
A dildo creation of my own penis.
A roll-on deodorant with a condom on it (The cap started to break in my ass)
Two guys fingers
Four guys dicks
Three butt plugs
Four peoples tongues
frozen banana I think
maybe a toilet plunger handle
Pretty normal I guess
Detachable swifter handle
Ice pack shaped like a dildo
Hair conditioner bottle used to simulate creampie
Surprisingly still a virgin.
>shit load of water
>self made wax buttplug(was to smal though)
>some make-up stuff from my sister(eyeliner etc.)
Dildos, anal beads, butt plugs, toothbrush handles, enema/douche nozzles, suppository pills, fingers, thermometers....that's all I'm coming up with at the moment, but I'm sure there were other household/bathroom objects from back in the early days.
In chronological order:
-some plastic tube
-dildo made of plasticine
>probably a suppository or 2 when i was a kid, i cant remember though
>a pen when i was a teenager "experimenting"
30 now and ive worked out a long time ago that im not into butt stuff. So, yeah...
>vibrating toothbrush handle
>bananas , carrots , cucumbers and zuchinis
and these last guys I wont try again
>homemade golf ball anal beads
>bowling pin tip
>homemade gravity enema made from plastic tubing and a coke bottle.
and a couple cans of coke
>biggest part and deeper of the softball target swing trainer. its the picture attached
>long, thick cucumber. it was about 1-1.5 ft long. all the way in my ass
>tried to do a foam football and an orange. not quite there yet
>1 bottle of water
>hexbug while it was on
>homemade clay dildo after it was in the freezer for 20-30mins
>2 golf balls at once
M Butt plug
Hair brush handle
Lint roller handle
Rolled up towel
Arm of a chair
Bar of soap
Clay shaped like a dick
Foam shaped like a dick
That's all I can remember right now.
Never actually had a real dick.
Dildo, when I shoved the battery up my ass. It slipped and went inside my ass causing lots of panic, luckily I pooped it out
>not gay btw
This shit was all curiosity as a young kid
2 gf's fingers
balloon animal pump
3 butt plugs
3 guys' dicks
1 guy's fingers
banana i think
one of those big bubble wand things
pepperoni (with a condom on it)
extra large novelty dice
aglass drink stirrer
candle holder with a similar shape to a butt plug
various soap bars
Man. Okay I'm game.
-Paper towel holder
-Broken drumstick (music not food)
Girlfriend attempted to do the prostate thing once and I was like NOPE.jpg
Nobody's penetrating me but me.
Same reason you'd use a rectal screwdriver, rectal silicon ladle, rectal garden hose, or any of the other rectal items listed in this thread.
in the order they happened across my life:
own lubed fingers
lubed makeshift candle dildo
large carrot carved into penis shape
lubed makeshift rolled-up newspaper with condom
Definitely going to buy a proper dildo when I move out
starting to wonder if I might be bi
a metal pipe with a bouncy baall taped to the end, covered in several layers of socks, then a textured rubber glove stretched over it all. The glove broke inside my ass, the socks were thrown away.
are you attracted to men? if yes, you might be bi.
if you just like stuff in your butt, you just like stuff in your butt. it doesn't mean you like men.
that would be like saying a girl liking her pussy licked makes her a lesbian.
so, my /b/rethren of butt destruction, i'm looking for a new toy but don't know what to get.
i have a prostate vibe, but don't use it anymore because the batteries died and it doesn't feel very good.
i also have a 7'' suction cup jelly dildo, 3 butt plugs from small to large, and a set of anal beads.
what should i get next?
>various toys of more and more ambituous length and girth
>various long thick objects most notably a 12 inch long mag light flashlight
>soooo many bareback cocks...oh my god so many
Not gay fuck you I love the pussy
i like actual dicks in my ass but i'm not attracted remotely to the men they're attached to. one guy wanted me to switch so i tried fucking him and i went soft instantly.
personally, i think if you're spending all your time worrying about what's "gay" or not, you're not having fun. just do what you want
Oh boy, let's go:
>2 of my mothers vibrators
>Toys of my own (vibrator, buttplug, beads)
>Handle of an ice cream scoop
>Handle of a hairbrush
>Handle of an electric tooth brush
>Vibrating cock ring (pic related) inside a knotted condom
>Super make-shift enema (I should really go grab an enema kit some time).
And the worst one of all:
>A fucking lemon drop
>be like 14
>just getting into anal play
>love doing shit outdoors / discretely around people.
>Like an exhibitionist that doesnt want to actually be seen.
>Walk to the corner store with 3 friends.
>Buy delicious lemon drops.
>Munching on them on the way back.
>It's night time and I fall just like a foot behind the group
>so nobody sees me reach into my shorts and stuff a lemon drop up my ass
>OH MY GOD IT BURNS WHAT HAVE I DONE
>Have to keep cool and not make a scene while fishing it out of my ass.
>Get it out
>Drop it into some grass next to the sidewalk we're walking on
>Nobody suspected a thing.
>various lego pieces (was very young and stupid)
>other plastic toys
>sharpie and highlighters
>many butt plugs
>screw driver handle
>many different bottles
>tampon (not a girl)
>vibrating spiral pen thing
>smooth river stones
probably more, but this is all I can remember right now.
ex gf dildo
>Sister's hairbrush handle
>Sister's plastic banana
>Gf's butt plug and dildo
>Wooden balls from coat hanger
>Toilet roll holder
>Chest of drawer's handle
> My brothers penis =/
> My Fingers
> Some guy I met on the bus fingers
> the end of one of those plastic swords that extend
> end of a toothbrush
> end of a plunger
> numerous dildos
> Dr's fingers
> hot dog
> Enema kit
> fake fruit from mothers kitchen
> my cats paw
> Broom stick
> My ex gf's tongue
> Handle of a spachela
> Hair brush handle
I don't like to waste food, so I ended up putting it back in the fridge, and we most likely ate the vegetables at some point. Maybe that's how my dad got cancer =/
>Assorted bottles (Jack daniels, beer, coke, etc.)
>Can of arizona iced tea
>Assorted shampoos and conditioners and soaps
>A WII Remote
mfw i write all of this out for the first time
Things in this image.
And the one to follow.
And my fingers/fist
And a screwdriver
And a beer bottle
No, it's a food processor
disposable razor (handle side)
dish scrubbing wand handle side
cucumber with condom on it
c cell maglite
triple sec bottle
a bic lighter
curling iron [pressed the handle open inside and pinched the inside of my asshole :( ]
think thats it
Jesus...I've never really thought of all the things I've shoved up my ass. I really feel like a faggot right now.
>toothbrush (not the bristle end)
>stick of chapstick
>my finger, a billion times
>my toy horse's leg
>literally nothing else ever.
They get compacted as you insert, then expand when inside. They come out vary cleanly actually, its more of a mess getting them in. Just freeze them then squeeze them into little balls and shove them in.
hmmm, condom, not a bad idea
I have frozen sausage... but no dildos
condoms are only like 50 cents, dildos are much more expensive, and you can't eat them afterwards.... I'm just worried about it having a rubber taste... I"m just gonna shove it in bare and deal with the pain.
and what the fuck kind of doctors do you guys have?
my doctor has clutched my nuts, but never shoved any fingers up my ass
now, cops, whatever they were, a bit different. But that's an experience I'd like to forget
-travel size shampoo bottle
-hair brush handle
-paint brush handles
-Frozen hotdogs, would recommend
-Sharpies (once got 7 in at once)
-peg thing from a coat rack
-i once came into a cup and sucked it up with a turkey baster and creampied myself
-ping pong balls
-weird bubble stick that looked like a lightsaber
that's all i can remember off the top of my head
it does, but the ends are exposed
coming from someone who tried shampoo as anal lube, I'm a bit cautious what I stick up my ass now
have you ever tried to touch your dick after touching hot peppers? even accidentally? it's not fun
Fingers, dicks, dildos, various spoons, forks, knives, spatulas, pots, pans, various other cooking utencils, hand saw, wrenches, screwdrivers, hammers, nails, tacks, glue gun, caulk gun and caulk, hand trowel, garden trowel, shovel, rake, bicycle, Ford Taurus, various fishing boats, a sloop, a barque, and a frigate, three WWII vintage tanks, 2 biplanes, an experimental jet airplane, 2 rocket boosters, the eiffel tower, a bullet train, a 707, 727,and a 737, a fully loaded semi with an oversized hazmat load, 47 clowns, 3 elephants, 2 anacondas, and large furry bunny rabbit.
- my fingers
- gf's fingers
- guy friend's fingers
- guy friend's cock
- my cock
- prostate massager
- my dildo
- gf's dildo
- screwdriver handle
- thick side of a pool cue
- ice cubes
- wine/beer bottle
- plastic lube bottle
- hairbrush handle
- flared plunger handle
- faucet handle
- dog toy
>bicycle, Ford Taurus, various fishing boats, a sloop, a barque, and a frigate, three WWII vintage tanks, 2 biplanes, an experimental jet airplane, 2 rocket boosters, the eiffel tower, a bullet train, a 707, 727,and a 737, a fully loaded semi with an oversized hazmat load, 47 clowns, 3 elephants, 2 anacondas, and large furry bunny rabbit.
pics or you lie
Just buy a cheap dildo. You can get them as cheap as $10.
Was quite expensive but totally worth it.
My favorite toy bar far.
It should be, horsecock is glorious
Already have. There is video of me taking it all the way, but only my bf gets to see that.
yeah, pics of it in your ass, so it can become my fetish
I still want some crack tho
but if you do it right, I'll invite you over for crack and horsecock assfucking
>alll sorts of cock
>alll sorts of drugs (mostly opiates)
>giant rhinestone butt plug
>a few different tongues
Probably a lot more that I can't think of.
An F16 bullet when I was a horny teenager. It burned like a motherfucker, and I've been concerned ever since that the heavy metals might increase my risk of cancer.
I must reiterate, it burned.
I did the same with a dummy 20mm bullet when I was younger.
Yeah I don't think so. He frequents this site too.
Yeah sure buddy.
>Small BD toy
The outer casing is copper, you're fine. Also, one exposure is not going to affect your risk of cancer, these environmental factors take years of repeated exposure to become significant, even for known carcinogens (barring the most potent carcinogens of course). You should be more concerned about the amount of fibre in your diet.
Small David the Werewolf
First time toying, wasn't sure what would work and I didn't want to rip myself in half, cumtube is okay, feels kind of gimmicky though at the end of the day
I'm going to try to do this in chronological order
carved tree branches
soda bottle (glass - I was young and stupid, ok)
condom filled with marbles
electric toothbrush (with bristles covered in wax)
proper beads since glass marbles started to scare me
aaaand I've probably forgotten about a lot of miscellaneous junk
Yeah cumtubes are a bit gimicky but on really large stuff they can be great for getting a bit more lube in there without having to pull out all the way.
Plus getting creampied at the end is really hot.
Cold cumlube can be rather unpleasant. Warm it up a bit next time. I let the syringe sit in hot water for several minutes.
You should definitely by one.
They come in all shapes and sizes for people of all levels of experience. The cumtube is a nice novelty to have on at least one toy and I highly recommend getting a suction cup on every toy you can.
Once you try high quality silicone toys you will never go back.
Once he gets moved into his new place, his dick will be added to that list.
Damn, I thought I was the only narcissistic ass that did that.
Well, not so much hairy as a bit pimply, but the point stands.
This is as close as you can get to it.
my fantasies about myself were actually my first clue that I might be bisexual
It reminds me of one time I was walking through the supermarket and my toy fell out down my pants leg. I had to awkwardly shuffle off to retrieve it without letting anyone see it or having it fall to the floor.
For me it was more of me taking pictures for other people and going "yeah, I'd fuck me, might as well fap" while sorting through all of the ones I took for some decent ones.
What kind of toy did you have in that could fall out easily like that, couldn't have been a plug.
it was one of these thingies
>homemade golf ball anal beads
my fucking sides
end of a razor
I started realizing how neato this shit was so the last couple times I've fingered my gf I've rubbed her asshole to see if she's liked it. I think she's digging it but doesn't want to admit it.
>various sharpies and pens
pretty standard stuff
>up to 4 fingers
>tiny plastic sword (I was really young but remember it because I put it in too far and couldn't get it out)
>AA and AAA batteries
>handle of shower brush thingy
>phallic-shaped bottle of lube
there might be more but that's all I can think of
The dicks of two football players who raped me for standing up for this girl, causing a prolapsed rectum. The whole school found out about it and everyone thinks I'm a fag loser.
I fucking hate this fucking town.
11 different fingers
4 different tongues
6 different dicks
1 fist (She was tiny. Wasn't willing to take anyone else's)
2 strap-on dildos
My dildo that's shaped like a wolf dick
My dildo that's shaped like a horse dick.
Probably a few dozen condoms
Banana peel after eating banana
Chapstick-shaped bottle of lube
I can't think of anything else.
Sounds incredibly unfun.
Fisted but only 11 different fingers? I can get 10 by myself.
Bad Dragon horse and wolf dicks?
I can get the end of my foreskin in if I stretch it that direction when I'm soft-ish
if anyone invents a portal or something that allows for proper self-dicking please let me know
Well, I mostly meant 'the fingers of 11 different people.' I don't remember who put how many fingers inside me.
Bad dragon is best dragon.
Yeah, it was mostly just the tip. Maybe an inch. And it was softish. Not a raging boner, but snorting shit up your nose and drinking all night makes it hard to get hard anyways. But it's possible to get that fucker in there.
Ok, that makes a lot more sense.
I just ordered my 5th toy from them this week (large Vergil)
> Chapter 1 - Random shit
1.5" plastic ball on a string
2" ball bearing
two 2" ball bearings
3" bouncy ball
string of magnetic balls
5 foam stress balls
balloon, then inflated it
> Chapter 2 - Random bottles and shit
mary kay something bottle
two small shampoo bottles
big shampoo bottle
12oz soda can
20oz soda bottle
0.5L water bottle
tall smooth 1L water bottle
> Chapter 3 - Things fashioned out of random shit
balled up socks (no wrap)
balled up socks wrapped in condoms
3 large balls wrapped in socks wrapped in condoms
3 apples wrapped in socks wrapped in condoms
smooth rubber grip packed with foam to make dildo
bouncy balls and rope made into anal beads
vibrator made out of misc electronics and a pvc pipe and some wood.
(part 1 of 2)
>2 of those thicker sharpies
>a lightsaber toy I still kept from my childhood, got it in about 8 inches
>all five fingers at once, only about an inch and a half in
>hotel shampoo bottle that i used as a buttplug
>tfw you want a dick in there so badly...
(part 2 of 2)
> Chapter 4 - food
multiple ice cubes
big ice cube made in drinking glass
> Chapter 5 - actual sex toys
12" jelly dildo
2.5"d anal beads
rippled butt plug
3"d ace of spades butt plug
16" monster cock
three bangs for your butt large
huge butt plug with a whole through it
8" rippley probe
3" diameter pine tree shaped thing
3.25"d butt plug
3.5"d fish shaped butt plug