ITT: skyrim stories ill start >be me, wood elf archer >be

>skyrim stories because I don't have a real life
Kill yourself nerd.

>>565187650

What are you doing on /b/ if you have a real life?

In b4 guy drinks irradiated loli urine until he dies.

>>565187650
i have a real life, just thought it would be a fun thread, so uhhh... yea, guess il just go kill myself? nah i dunno, kill yourself? nah i dont want that either. whatever. SO HEY, lemme ask you something. is being an asshole in real life just not enough, so you have to be one on the internet too, or do you just... not have a real life?

>>565188198
fuck that guy dude. i think alot of us have real lives, that guy just isnt satisfied with his so he has pick on people on the fucking internet. REAL WINNER OVER HERE. so uh... skyrim stories?

>>565188198
>>565188580
Look at these buttblasted nerds!

>>565188776
yea heaven! look at us! haha were such fuckin nerds!! haha, man you are so much better than us, totally, you are probably the coolest dude on earth. I bet you have a job AND a girlfriend! haha! shit were so gay, ahhahaha!

Niggerjew

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>>565188776
You might have hit a sore spot.

>>565189085
/pic

>>565189431
ok, so no sore spot hit, just trying to fight fire with fire, apparently that doesnt work. anyways, guess il just let this thread die.

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>>565189781

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>>565189608
>amidoingitrite?

>>565189781
I was just kidding kid, but I guess the thread is already beyond salvation.

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>>565189781
>spidermanthread!!!

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>>565190151

>Be me.
>Be Adventurer
>Raping Wenches and Pillaging Villages
>Only small towns where most of the occupants were unarmed
>Bloodlust compels me to attack a larger town.
>Walk up to a castle
>Demand entry
>Show dominance by decapitating local idiot
>Local idiot is a chicken
>Guards chase me for miles
>One catches up
>Preparing freeze spell
>nope.jpg
>Guard is 9gagger
>arrow to the knee
>mfw 3 days in prison
>mfw no longer adventurer

>>565190076
totally beyond salvation. whatever, i was just havin a smoke and thought it might be an entertaining thread. whatever. too drunk to care lol. honestly, if i was on my other computer i would commence dump of spiderman images

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>>565190265

>>565187448
I've played skyrim hundreds of hours and have yet to see mobs kill any companion. The only times I've seen companions die were when I contributed damage to the equation.

>yfw you killed lydia
>yfw you have no face

>be me, playing Skyrim after playing Fallout 3 and New Vegas for like 5 and 3 years respectively
>hear the same 3 fucking voice actors from Resident Evil 4 and Metal Gear Solid 2 over and over
>get pissed that I wasted 16 gigs on this fucking torrent

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>>565190391

>>565190319
lol thank you for your faith my friend, but i fear we may be outnumbered

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>>565190474

>>565189431
I remember a time when b was a magic place. Somewhere safe.. somewhere I went to get away from it all and bond with my fellow
/b/rothers. Now its all gone to fucking shit because of you faggots posting fucking cancer thinking your the next fucking do a barrell roll meme maker. FUCK YOU. THIS IS SHIT TIER FUCKING NIGGER SHIT. FUCKING GOD BOXXY WHERE ARE YOU. DELIVER US FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.

SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE FUCK YOU

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>>565190551

>>565190590
>sages except not really mfw

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>>565190590
Ha

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>>565190726

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>>565190590

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>>565190806

>>565190868

goddamnit spidey

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>>565190868

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>>565191065

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>be me
>climb up giant mountain
>accidentally fall down, tumble and die
>mfw

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>>565191130

I had a fun playthrough once.

Maxed out smithing healing and non-damaging shit.

Let lydia kill everything. Heal her then courage, the works.

Anything I made went to her, she was the adventurer.

Never wasted a arrow too, bless her digital soul.

>just laying around the tavern for months
>finally decide to get out of their feather beds, shit's comfortable for days
>pay the bard to sing about the dragonborn
>dancing with the other patrons
>getting wasted
>remove my armor
>remove my clothes
>show my tits to all
>last piece comes off
>female bartender shouts
"THATS IT, PREPARE YOURSELF!"
>enter combat duel
>knocks me the fuck out
>drags me to bed
>rapes me with a strap-on
>recover
>everybody back to their normal business
>go give bard another tip for another song after buying another skooma

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>>565191203

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>>565191289

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>>565191369

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>>565191369

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>>565191461

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>>565191529

>>565191278
lol

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>>565191596

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>>565191570

>exploring dungeon with lydia
>come up to swinging axes
>make it through no problem
>lydia tries and flies into the wall nowhere to be seen
>finish dungeon still no lydia
>days go by cant find lydia anywhere
>go back to house for 500th time since lydia went MIA
>honor to you my thane

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>>565191676

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>>565191687

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>>565191776

>>565187650
This bait is too strong for me

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>>565191842

>>565187448
>>play skyrim for a month
>through playthroughs
>mod the shit out of it once every year or so
>it's still boring

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>>565191919
1

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>>565191941

>>565191278
btw, sexlabs

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>>565192064
2

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>>565192156
3

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>>565187448
you wish your skyrim looked this fucking good

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>>565192220
4

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>be me
>playing Skyrim on 360
>talking to friend
>he's on Ebay looking at nudie Dark Magician Girl cards or something
>slightly interested
>"What all can you see?"
>"Oh, dude. You can see everything."
>Immediately talk to Belethor.
>"EEEEEEVERYTHING'S FOR SALE"
>headset picks up EEEEVERYTHING right after friend says it
>pause
>laugh maniacally

Belethor has become an inside joke to me and my friends. He is now my favorite NPC. We joke that he's sentient, and is aware of what is happening outside the game.

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>>565192297
5

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>>565192380
6

>Nothing left to do besides random gene quests.
>Con-soul gamer so I can't mod.
>Fuck it, I'm retiring from adventure.
>Buy a house in whiterun, sell all my items.
>Become a blacksmith, wake up every morning to make armor, sell it at the market.
>Cook, converse with townsfolk.
>Figure I'd only do this a little before I get bored and play something else, but find it oddly peaceful to escape from my mundane life to an equally mundane one.
>Get into a daily rhythm.
>Make armor, tend vegetables, animals.
>This goes on for quite a while, soon I have a wife, a lovely home with furniture I acquired by selling goods that I made, rather than killing.
>Life is good.
>It's also fun to say no to every villager who comes up to me asking me to help them cause I got turnips to gather.
>Then, one day, as I'm walking to the market to sell the armor I've made, dragon attacks.
>I have no sword.
>I put on my armor to face the horrid beast.
>No health potions.
>Not a magic based character.
>I valiantly fight, but it kills me with a sliver of health.
>As I fall, a guard takes it out with an arrow.
>The day is saved.
>My tale is done, a hero's end for the dragon born.

>Almost makes me sad his gravestone will read "Wiley Coyo- Negroid", as I was drunk when I created him.

>>565187448
>she was a bitch
No she fucking wasn't. It's been two years and she served you with her life you goddamn peasant.

>>565192130
So that's a true story and this Sexlabs is a mod?

>>565192230
The view outside my window looks better and that doesn't need a 600 dollar PC.

>>565192682
yeah, had alternate life with it so i didn't have to go through the boring dragon attack

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>>565192459
Those spider puns.

>>565188198
This guy deserve his name

>>565192546
Wow dude 10/10 post

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>be adventurer
>tired of questing, decide to build up glory in local competition
>train a lot
>fight many monsters
>fight some stuck up NPCs
>beat everyone, rewards were good
>run out of enemies
>leave stadium to go now and rest
>earned it
>mfw retard elf kid greets me at exit
>try to get rid of him
>still following me
>wtf I'm fighting vampires on top of a mountain now go away elf potato
>mfw he still acts surprised to see me when I talk to him
>mfw “By Azura! By Azura! By Azura! It’s the Grand Champion! I can’t believe it’s you! Standing here, next to me!”

>Lydia I miss you

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>>565192230
fucking kek, nice little boy with titties

>>565192585
aight
>im sworn to carry your burdens

>>565187448
>Buy Skyrim
>Play for a couple of weeks
>Realize how hollow and boring the game is
>Never play again

There, there's my skyrim story. Oblivion was better and Morrowind was better than Oblivion, but the thing that killed Skyrim was the shit quest lines. Holy balls did Dark Brotherhood suck.

nobody knows how wood elfes mate

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>>565191283

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>>565192459

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>>565193021
wat. she modeled after my asian gf

>>565192298
kek

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>>565192546

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>>565193519
>after my Asian gf he says

>>565193519
>is my girlfriend
Fixed that for you

>>565193519
Little boy with tits...asian...sounds about right

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>>565193339

>>565192297
Well, looks like I don't need sleep.

Thanks anon.

>>565193698
well she has 36 DD's so...

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>>565193897

>>565193519
So who do you think you're fooling again?

>>565192546
>Wiley Coyo-Negroid
top
fucking
kek

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>>565194035

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>>565194223
the fact that its hard to believe is a good sign

guys does the sex mods rabbit hole for skyrim go as deep as it does for the sims 2?

this is really important.

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>>565194318

>>565194523
No, its shallow and easy like everything else in Skyrim

>>565194523
How deep are we talkin

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>>565194578

>>565194523
I have no idea friend

>>565190684
>mfw i have no face

>>565194696
>like yer mum
>get rekt

>>565193272
>get_down.gif

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>>565193519
>his waifu doesn't even lift

lmao

>>565194731

I've got a sims 2 game so modded that i can literally command male sims to rape women, have four ways on top of tables, you name it

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>>565195472
Daaaamn idk how to feel about that

>>565195472
Meh, sounds pretty similar to the Japanese version

anyway, i wasn't really impressed with skyrim, but if it makes me masturbate I just might have to give it another look

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>>565195880

>>565195472
Pls share

>>565187448
Lydia love
>be me, 80 year old breton lady
>decide to explore around winterhold base
>swimming through cold water and shit
>dont give a fuck because Volsung
>find an abandon ship
>raid it and find an abandon camp site near it
>2 lovers only feet away from each other died while waiting for each other
>decide to roleplay a bit and have lydia sleep while it gets dark
she deserves it after all the times I throw her of cliffs and the throat of the world and still lives
>wait one in game night afk
>decide to walk back home after waking up lydia
>get to whiterun
>lydia nowhere in site
>decide to wait so she becomes unstuck
>still no luck
>wait even longer
>still no
>cant go back to previous save because of waiting
>start to freak out a bit
>check the morgue
>she's not there
>wait 2 more days
>still no lydia
>oh god lydia no!
>start mourning the lost of my best companion in game
>walk around whiterun aimlessly for a bit
>"your follower grows tired of waiting and heads home."
god damnit lydia

epilogue
>lydia gets home
>she sits down and starts eating bread like a fucking pig in my room
>honor to you my thane
>get out side
>FUS RO DAH
>she goes flying
>everything is in order once again

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>>565192546

The toppest of keks, 11/10. Please enjoy these fine titties.

>>565187448
>And the children too
>Implying you can kill children on skyrim you virgin fuck

>>565197432
what are mods?

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>>565192546
10/10 would adventure again

>>565192298
love when shit like that happens

>>565197432
You should purchase an affordable gaming PC dude. It allows you to install 'mods' which can expand a game greatly in many different ways! Great fun! I hope you stop being so mad soon and feel good brother. Cheers!

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>>565197783

Don't die

>>565199247
bump while i look for my story

Bumping thread, please don't die

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>>565199297
one day outside whiterun i saw a man half sticking out of the ground. he was sealed in the road. he could move his upper body and talk. i laughed and thought about imaginary skyrim mobsters cementing him there as a punishment or whatever. i saved right there. i left him there. later he was still there so i just continued my game. one day i came back and there was the real luis letrush. or his brother. they had the same name. I didnt know the deal, does this guy just have no legs? obviously its just a clone because the first got stuck in the road. the game tried to fix itself but he was so firmly rooted in the ground, it just duplicated him. all it could do. so now theres a luis letrush standing next to half of one. they talk to each other... its mad... i save
days pass and i fast travel to the whiterun stables. theres another luis letrush. we now have two and a half men... i laugh and save
more days pass and another luis has shown up. they stay at that number for a while

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>>565200039
one day i was in the wilderness around riften, towns away, past a mountain and expanse of plains. and i see luis letrush running! holy fuck! what are you doing out here. hes so far away from whiterun but i know thats where hes running. i run with him. we have to fight a bear. some monsters i forget which, and then he has to pass by valtheim towers, a tower overlooking the road manned by bandits, one of them accosts you when you pass demanding payment to pass, when youre alone that is, they just attack npc's or maybe npc's realize theyre bandits and attack because theyre enemies, because in a town, the guards have their back. me and luis clear a fucking bandit tower on the way back to whiterun. and he just runs to his group and mills around like the rest of them. on the way back he died once, i reloaded and finished the trek. but when he did die it dawned on me, how many died out in the wilderness alone and silent, just think about it. only the strongest and smartest made it all the way to white run... and that one man lost his fucking legs!

Weakest Skyrim Stories thread ever. Probably because it was foolishly posted on /b/ instead of /v/

>>565200136
Top kek

>>565200136
Lol this really happened?

>>565195143
whoa, throwback

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>>565200434
yeah, that is the epic tale of luis letrush

i collected skulls, i know thats overdone, but it fit my argonians character. had a redguard, my main guy, he was a werewolf and he did everything, a master with a mace and a battlemage. then a high elf mage, he was a vampire, he used two handed weapons when he needed to. big hammers. the first two built their houses, the argonian lived in whiterun and never upgraded his house, he lived like a lizard, unkept house, unfurnished with that pit in the middle of the living room, he started filling that with skulls, one day i came home and the floor was half see through, and the skulls were spilling into the void below, but they just kept spilling, it was a waterfall of skulls. they would fall and respawn and fall forever. I had this glitched savepoint saved and could load it.

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>>565200937
im playing myself as a girl character, and i love how she walks! arms down but kind of out, dainty, i wish i was her walking around in my underwear and having everyone want to fuck me...
well, playing a game as myself as a girl, its making me kind of horny, im going to totally role play this one, this is me! i sat down and had breakfast earlier, after sleeping the whole night, and also, earlier, it was morndas 9 am in the game, and monday 9 am in real life.
so this is how the armor of the fallen gods is supposed to look like

>>565200937
Really wish I could see that anon

is there anything similar to es games

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>>565201886
It glitched out and made the gloves small, which I liked since it showed more skin, I dont know how I did it, but they still look wrapped and not like normal gloves. Just a cool glitch

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>be me
>almost done with any major quest line
>two main caracter one nord. One red guard
>play Xbox so no mods
>dat dragon armor shout
Feelsgoodman

>>565202208
Are you high?

>>565202734
no, just a trap, stopped smoking a while back

Guys i've lost lydia and she's still not home, it's been like a week. I'm real concerned and she has all my dragon bone and shit.

>Install SexLab
>Install SexLab Submit and SexLab Defeat for awesome female bandit rape time
>Get into fights with bandits, always spare hottest female bandit
>Beat down with fists, then rape
>Sometimes tie up and leave for rapey fun time later
>Fucking love this mod
>All the while had no idea that Defeat included a "Necrophelia" mechanic, wherein if you hit 'e' on a corpse while crouched, it asks if you want "Necrophelia" or loot.

>In a barrow, fighting drauger
>Kill one burly ass drauger
>Crouch for max stealth
>Hit e and click without thinking
>Clicked before the "Necrophelia" option registered in my brain
>Suddenly third person
>Character strips, begins ass-raping dead, hairy, burly ass DRAUGER CORPSE
>OH GOD MY EYES
>Squish Squish sound effects and voice going "ungh ugh"
>OH GOD WHY CAN'T I LOOK AWAY OH GOD THIS IS HORRIFYING
>Character finishes
>So disgusted I delete save and don't come back to Skyrim for 6 months

I've had nightmares

>>565192546
someone cap this

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>>565204471
Sauce.
Nexus has nothing.

>>565205025
what is google?

>>565205109
What is I don't trust what google gives me, and I prefer first hand sources.

>>565205025
>Nexus
>Implying

google "Lovers Lab", its a forum.

>>565205239

>doesn't trust google
>trusts /b/

lol

>>565203914
If you've gotten a letter of inheritance, she's dead.

>>565191919
thats practically trips

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>bought skyrim
>dicked around the game for 60+ hours
>beat the game.
>the end

>Hiking up a mountain trail with Lydia
>Come across a fortress
>Fuck yeah, loot and murder
>Suddenly
>The ground trembles and a Dragon's roar can be heard in the distance
>Look around, no sign of it
>Turn back around
>20 necromancers come pouring out of the entrance to this fortress
>The theme starts
>Adrenaline fuckin overdrive
>Unshathe my ebony greatsword andcharge those filthy necromancers
>Totally forget about Lydia and the dragon
>Finish off the necromancers and turn around to find
>Lydia dual wielding staffs and a fresh blood dragon corpse when suddenly
>Another roar is heard
>Blood dragon number two shows up and gets merced within a minute by Lydia and I
That's how I got level 12 in my firdt Skyrim playthrough.

>>565191218
Holy shit. Do you realize that you put her on like a sixteen hour escort mission?

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> walking around the wasteland
> pick up Charon as my follower
> take him back to my home
> he says "I don't like the look of this place"
> fuck you, Charon

>>565208008
Golden

I also have dubbed the Daedric warrior that comes out of the Sanguine Rose, "Beefy Pete".

>Doing Dark Brotherhood mission
>Gotta kill some bride in a spectacular fashion
>Perch myself on the balcony I'm suppose to kill her on
>Wearing the black Misty armor
>Feel like batman as I'm crouched and perched on the balcony
>I am the night
>Bride and groom show up finally
>Walk behind her, go for the sword asassination
>Groom straight up looks at me and says "Now Now, Don't you go touching my beautiful bride." all lightheartedly.
>I look at him, then at the bride
>Sliiice
>Go into one of the major rules of Skyrim, Hoard and loot everything
>Loot the bride
>Holy shit, I can take her wedding dress.
>Best Idea ever forms
>Decide to loot and wear the wedding dress right in front of the groom
> I then jump off the balcony in front of all the witnesses and srpint out of the city in the brides wedding dress.
>While running, I can hear the groom yelling the brides name
>Not sure if he was thinking I was his bride running away or not.
>A new idea popped into my head
>I have found my skyrim serial killer calling card.
>Decide that every single person I kill, I will loot their corpse and wear their clothing, I will become them.
>Dark brotherhood mission reaches its climax, gotta go kill the king.
>I sneak my way in
>Kill and loot the dude
>Serial Killer calling card is in full effect
>Put on the kings robe, and walk out into where all the guards are hanging out
>I am your king, obey me!
>Didn't work
>All the guards bum rush me
>End up slaying them all
>After it was all over, I wondered if the guards where confused as fuck that some random dude wearing the kings bloody clothes was slaughtering them.

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2KB, 99x125px

>>565208759
9/11

The game glitched and some dude said "Be careful!" when I smacked the shit out of him with a mace.

>>565202054
Falllout.

>>565210273

People talking for moments after being decapitated = huehuehue