ITT: skyrim stories
>be me, wood elf archer
>be traveling solstheim, fucking shit up in good fashion
>start working for ewok-like reiklings
>chief says were gonna attack some nord bandits
>im like, alright
>so we go to the bandit camp, i start sniping them down
>they close in, we enter hand to hand combat, riekling brothers and lydia by my side
>they are all dead, i return to the mead hall to accept my reward
>reikling chief decides we have to fight.
>sigh. ok. slay him with ease
>shes nowhere to be found
>i go back to the battleground
>find her body, surrounded by 6 nord bodies
>i am heartbroken, she was a bitch but id come to be very fond of her
>strip her of her armor, drag her to the nearby fire and lay her across
>she deserves a true nord burial
>i return to the mead hall, and equip my dwarven bow of soul trapping
>i kill all of them, the women and children too
>now, when i fight my enemies my weapons are charged with the souls of the little vermin who cost me my love
>how i still mourn thee
i have a real life, just thought it would be a fun thread, so uhhh... yea, guess il just go kill myself? nah i dunno, kill yourself? nah i dont want that either. whatever. SO HEY, lemme ask you something. is being an asshole in real life just not enough, so you have to be one on the internet too, or do you just... not have a real life?
fuck that guy dude. i think alot of us have real lives, that guy just isnt satisfied with his so he has pick on people on the fucking internet. REAL WINNER OVER HERE. so uh... skyrim stories?
yea heaven! look at us! haha were such fuckin nerds!! haha, man you are so much better than us, totally, you are probably the coolest dude on earth. I bet you have a job AND a girlfriend! haha! shit were so gay, ahhahaha!
You might have hit a sore spot.
>Raping Wenches and Pillaging Villages
>Only small towns where most of the occupants were unarmed
>Bloodlust compels me to attack a larger town.
>Walk up to a castle
>Show dominance by decapitating local idiot
>Local idiot is a chicken
>Guards chase me for miles
>One catches up
>Preparing freeze spell
>Guard is 9gagger
>arrow to the knee
>mfw 3 days in prison
>mfw no longer adventurer
totally beyond salvation. whatever, i was just havin a smoke and thought it might be an entertaining thread. whatever. too drunk to care lol. honestly, if i was on my other computer i would commence dump of spiderman images
I've played skyrim hundreds of hours and have yet to see mobs kill any companion. The only times I've seen companions die were when I contributed damage to the equation.
>yfw you killed lydia
>yfw you have no face
>be me, playing Skyrim after playing Fallout 3 and New Vegas for like 5 and 3 years respectively
>hear the same 3 fucking voice actors from Resident Evil 4 and Metal Gear Solid 2 over and over
>get pissed that I wasted 16 gigs on this fucking torrent
I remember a time when b was a magic place. Somewhere safe.. somewhere I went to get away from it all and bond with my fellow
/b/rothers. Now its all gone to fucking shit because of you faggots posting fucking cancer thinking your the next fucking do a barrell roll meme maker. FUCK YOU. THIS IS SHIT TIER FUCKING NIGGER SHIT. FUCKING GOD BOXXY WHERE ARE YOU. DELIVER US FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE SAGE FUCK YOU
>climb up giant mountain
>accidentally fall down, tumble and die
I had a fun playthrough once.
Maxed out smithing healing and non-damaging shit.
Let lydia kill everything. Heal her then courage, the works.
Anything I made went to her, she was the adventurer.
Never wasted a arrow too, bless her digital soul.
>just laying around the tavern for months
>finally decide to get out of their feather beds, shit's comfortable for days
>pay the bard to sing about the dragonborn
>dancing with the other patrons
>remove my armor
>remove my clothes
>show my tits to all
>last piece comes off
>female bartender shouts
"THATS IT, PREPARE YOURSELF!"
>enter combat duel
>knocks me the fuck out
>drags me to bed
>rapes me with a strap-on
>everybody back to their normal business
>go give bard another tip for another song after buying another skooma
>exploring dungeon with lydia
>come up to swinging axes
>make it through no problem
>lydia tries and flies into the wall nowhere to be seen
>finish dungeon still no lydia
>days go by cant find lydia anywhere
>go back to house for 500th time since lydia went MIA
>honor to you my thane
you wish your skyrim looked this fucking good
>playing Skyrim on 360
>talking to friend
>he's on Ebay looking at nudie Dark Magician Girl cards or something
>"What all can you see?"
>"Oh, dude. You can see everything."
>Immediately talk to Belethor.
>"EEEEEEVERYTHING'S FOR SALE"
>headset picks up EEEEVERYTHING right after friend says it
Belethor has become an inside joke to me and my friends. He is now my favorite NPC. We joke that he's sentient, and is aware of what is happening outside the game.
>Nothing left to do besides random gene quests.
>Con-soul gamer so I can't mod.
>Fuck it, I'm retiring from adventure.
>Buy a house in whiterun, sell all my items.
>Become a blacksmith, wake up every morning to make armor, sell it at the market.
>Cook, converse with townsfolk.
>Figure I'd only do this a little before I get bored and play something else, but find it oddly peaceful to escape from my mundane life to an equally mundane one.
>Get into a daily rhythm.
>Make armor, tend vegetables, animals.
>This goes on for quite a while, soon I have a wife, a lovely home with furniture I acquired by selling goods that I made, rather than killing.
>Life is good.
>It's also fun to say no to every villager who comes up to me asking me to help them cause I got turnips to gather.
>Then, one day, as I'm walking to the market to sell the armor I've made, dragon attacks.
>I have no sword.
>I put on my armor to face the horrid beast.
>No health potions.
>Not a magic based character.
>I valiantly fight, but it kills me with a sliver of health.
>As I fall, a guard takes it out with an arrow.
>The day is saved.
>My tale is done, a hero's end for the dragon born.
>Almost makes me sad his gravestone will read "Wiley Coyo- Negroid", as I was drunk when I created him.
>tired of questing, decide to build up glory in local competition
>train a lot
>fight many monsters
>fight some stuck up NPCs
>beat everyone, rewards were good
>run out of enemies
>leave stadium to go now and rest
>mfw retard elf kid greets me at exit
>try to get rid of him
>still following me
>wtf I'm fighting vampires on top of a mountain now go away elf potato
>mfw he still acts surprised to see me when I talk to him
>mfw “By Azura! By Azura! By Azura! It’s the Grand Champion! I can’t believe it’s you! Standing here, next to me!”
>Lydia I miss you
fucking kek, nice little boy with titties
>Play for a couple of weeks
>Realize how hollow and boring the game is
>Never play again
There, there's my skyrim story. Oblivion was better and Morrowind was better than Oblivion, but the thing that killed Skyrim was the shit quest lines. Holy balls did Dark Brotherhood suck.
wat. she modeled after my asian gf
the fact that its hard to believe is a good sign
>his waifu doesn't even lift
>be me, 80 year old breton lady
>decide to explore around winterhold base
>swimming through cold water and shit
>dont give a fuck because Volsung
>find an abandon ship
>raid it and find an abandon camp site near it
>2 lovers only feet away from each other died while waiting for each other
>decide to roleplay a bit and have lydia sleep while it gets dark
she deserves it after all the times I throw her of cliffs and the throat of the world and still lives
>wait one in game night afk
>decide to walk back home after waking up lydia
>get to whiterun
>lydia nowhere in site
>decide to wait so she becomes unstuck
>still no luck
>wait even longer
>cant go back to previous save because of waiting
>start to freak out a bit
>check the morgue
>she's not there
>wait 2 more days
>still no lydia
>oh god lydia no!
>start mourning the lost of my best companion in game
>walk around whiterun aimlessly for a bit
>"your follower grows tired of waiting and heads home."
god damnit lydia
>lydia gets home
>she sits down and starts eating bread like a fucking pig in my room
>honor to you my thane
>get out side
>FUS RO DAH
>she goes flying
>everything is in order once again
The toppest of keks, 11/10. Please enjoy these fine titties.
You should purchase an affordable gaming PC dude. It allows you to install 'mods' which can expand a game greatly in many different ways! Great fun! I hope you stop being so mad soon and feel good brother. Cheers!
one day outside whiterun i saw a man half sticking out of the ground. he was sealed in the road. he could move his upper body and talk. i laughed and thought about imaginary skyrim mobsters cementing him there as a punishment or whatever. i saved right there. i left him there. later he was still there so i just continued my game. one day i came back and there was the real luis letrush. or his brother. they had the same name. I didnt know the deal, does this guy just have no legs? obviously its just a clone because the first got stuck in the road. the game tried to fix itself but he was so firmly rooted in the ground, it just duplicated him. all it could do. so now theres a luis letrush standing next to half of one. they talk to each other... its mad... i save
days pass and i fast travel to the whiterun stables. theres another luis letrush. we now have two and a half men... i laugh and save
more days pass and another luis has shown up. they stay at that number for a while
one day i was in the wilderness around riften, towns away, past a mountain and expanse of plains. and i see luis letrush running! holy fuck! what are you doing out here. hes so far away from whiterun but i know thats where hes running. i run with him. we have to fight a bear. some monsters i forget which, and then he has to pass by valtheim towers, a tower overlooking the road manned by bandits, one of them accosts you when you pass demanding payment to pass, when youre alone that is, they just attack npc's or maybe npc's realize theyre bandits and attack because theyre enemies, because in a town, the guards have their back. me and luis clear a fucking bandit tower on the way back to whiterun. and he just runs to his group and mills around like the rest of them. on the way back he died once, i reloaded and finished the trek. but when he did die it dawned on me, how many died out in the wilderness alone and silent, just think about it. only the strongest and smartest made it all the way to white run... and that one man lost his fucking legs!
yeah, that is the epic tale of luis letrush
i collected skulls, i know thats overdone, but it fit my argonians character. had a redguard, my main guy, he was a werewolf and he did everything, a master with a mace and a battlemage. then a high elf mage, he was a vampire, he used two handed weapons when he needed to. big hammers. the first two built their houses, the argonian lived in whiterun and never upgraded his house, he lived like a lizard, unkept house, unfurnished with that pit in the middle of the living room, he started filling that with skulls, one day i came home and the floor was half see through, and the skulls were spilling into the void below, but they just kept spilling, it was a waterfall of skulls. they would fall and respawn and fall forever. I had this glitched savepoint saved and could load it.
im playing myself as a girl character, and i love how she walks! arms down but kind of out, dainty, i wish i was her walking around in my underwear and having everyone want to fuck me...
well, playing a game as myself as a girl, its making me kind of horny, im going to totally role play this one, this is me! i sat down and had breakfast earlier, after sleeping the whole night, and also, earlier, it was morndas 9 am in the game, and monday 9 am in real life.
so this is how the armor of the fallen gods is supposed to look like
It glitched out and made the gloves small, which I liked since it showed more skin, I dont know how I did it, but they still look wrapped and not like normal gloves. Just a cool glitch
>almost done with any major quest line
>two main caracter one nord. One red guard
>play Xbox so no mods
>dat dragon armor shout
>Install SexLab Submit and SexLab Defeat for awesome female bandit rape time
>Get into fights with bandits, always spare hottest female bandit
>Beat down with fists, then rape
>Sometimes tie up and leave for rapey fun time later
>Fucking love this mod
>All the while had no idea that Defeat included a "Necrophelia" mechanic, wherein if you hit 'e' on a corpse while crouched, it asks if you want "Necrophelia" or loot.
>In a barrow, fighting drauger
>Kill one burly ass drauger
>Crouch for max stealth
>Hit e and click without thinking
>Clicked before the "Necrophelia" option registered in my brain
>Suddenly third person
>Character strips, begins ass-raping dead, hairy, burly ass DRAUGER CORPSE
>OH GOD MY EYES
>Squish Squish sound effects and voice going "ungh ugh"
>OH GOD WHY CAN'T I LOOK AWAY OH GOD THIS IS HORRIFYING
>So disgusted I delete save and don't come back to Skyrim for 6 months
I've had nightmares
>dicked around the game for 60+ hours
>beat the game.
>Hiking up a mountain trail with Lydia
>Come across a fortress
>Fuck yeah, loot and murder
>The ground trembles and a Dragon's roar can be heard in the distance
>Look around, no sign of it
>Turn back around
>20 necromancers come pouring out of the entrance to this fortress
>The theme starts
>Adrenaline fuckin overdrive
>Unshathe my ebony greatsword andcharge those filthy necromancers
>Totally forget about Lydia and the dragon
>Finish off the necromancers and turn around to find
>Lydia dual wielding staffs and a fresh blood dragon corpse when suddenly
>Another roar is heard
>Blood dragon number two shows up and gets merced within a minute by Lydia and I
That's how I got level 12 in my firdt Skyrim playthrough.
> walking around the wasteland
> pick up Charon as my follower
> take him back to my home
> he says "I don't like the look of this place"
> fuck you, Charon
>Doing Dark Brotherhood mission
>Gotta kill some bride in a spectacular fashion
>Perch myself on the balcony I'm suppose to kill her on
>Wearing the black Misty armor
>Feel like batman as I'm crouched and perched on the balcony
>I am the night
>Bride and groom show up finally
>Walk behind her, go for the sword asassination
>Groom straight up looks at me and says "Now Now, Don't you go touching my beautiful bride." all lightheartedly.
>I look at him, then at the bride
>Go into one of the major rules of Skyrim, Hoard and loot everything
>Loot the bride
>Holy shit, I can take her wedding dress.
>Best Idea ever forms
>Decide to loot and wear the wedding dress right in front of the groom
> I then jump off the balcony in front of all the witnesses and srpint out of the city in the brides wedding dress.
>While running, I can hear the groom yelling the brides name
>Not sure if he was thinking I was his bride running away or not.
>A new idea popped into my head
>I have found my skyrim serial killer calling card.
>Decide that every single person I kill, I will loot their corpse and wear their clothing, I will become them.
>Dark brotherhood mission reaches its climax, gotta go kill the king.
>I sneak my way in
>Kill and loot the dude
>Serial Killer calling card is in full effect
>Put on the kings robe, and walk out into where all the guards are hanging out
>I am your king, obey me!
>All the guards bum rush me
>End up slaying them all
>After it was all over, I wondered if the guards where confused as fuck that some random dude wearing the kings bloody clothes was slaughtering them.