ITT: Stupid shit you believed as a child >Black women had

>>563006679
>When I was on long road trips there was a guy running on the side of the road at the same speed as me that jumped over obstacles n shit

>>563006859
I used to do that too haha

>>563006859
Aaahhh fuck yeah

>Whenever someone took too long to get something e.g locking the house, I would think that a T-1000 terminator killed them and became them to kill me

>god

>>563006679
I'm still p'sure Jesus was a spic.

>>563006679
Well you were almost right about Jesus

>>563006679
For a while I thought that all women had penises because my first experience of seeing anything sexual about a girl was stumbling onto hentai online when I was around 10

I thought that clocks all stopped around 2am time and time wasn't measured, and it picked back up some time before dawn.

>>563006859
Mine was usually Spider-Man or Hulk

Spider-Man would sling on light posts and Hulk would smash cars and use street signs to smack pedestrians

>also used to think cars moved straight when you would steer the wheel left and right very fast

>>563006679
one time when I was watching basketball i asked how the people could jump so high and so I asked my mom
she was drunk and she told me there were trampolines under the court

I believed it for the longest time

>love was real

I thought the world was black and white until the 1960s

>>563006679
I thought until I was like 8 that the vagina and butthole both went to the same place

>>563006679
women didn't poop.
if i went downstairs in the morning before my parents the "downstairs geese" would get me.
volcanoes were capable of sneakily attacking my house

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>>563009535
...Calvin?

>>563009535
this and cats were girls and dogs were boys

I thought the water that came out of the shower head was the same water that went down the drain. Sort of a cycle.

>Dogs were not milked for jelly.
>Clouds did not catch on fire at sunset and turn into stars.
>The phone was not out to get me.
>Aliums

>One night stands meant sleeping while standing up

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>>563009535
whoops, wrong pic

>>563009950
Fucking yes.

Also tigers were female and lions were male.

>>563006859
I still do that.

>I thought Motorola was a car company
>I thought it was "masturvation"
>I thought it was called 9/11 because the 11 represented the towers and the 9 was them destroyed

I was dumb as fuck.

>>563009914
>the downstairs geese
I fucking lol'd

believed as a kid
>drugs are bad
>rap is good
>marriage

>>563006679
>Black women had the ability to breastfeed chocolate milk
if only...

>every liquid was a solution of water and something else
>you went to highschool, THEN junior high (it sounded longer so i thought it came after. believed it so firmly i called my friends a bunch of idiots for not agreeing)

>>563007512
Try and spot the schizo in the thread

>>563006679
>certain cars play certain music

>>563006859
>>563007571

These

Also:

>If someone stuck a syringe in a spot that had been stung sometime before, it would kill you.

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>Used to think vaginas looked like the plastic tops on cups from McDonalds
Pic Related

>sex was when guys peed in a girl
>you had to eat a baby to get pregnant
>fish could breathe air if they tried hard enough

as a kid
>thought the moon was stolen one night by a giant white hand
>actually believed santa existed

>>563008892
they do. It's called understeer

>>563006679
>women got pregnant randomly and if they had a lot of kids then it's just bad luck

was a well accepted fact to me until i was in the 6th grade

>>563006679
i wasnt adopted

>race was nothing but different color of skin
>all the money people on TV made came from cable company bill
>mutations were always beneficial
>everyone had the same potential, and people who studied or exercised enough could become as smart or strong as they wanted
>samurais were the ultimate warriors
>lives had a hierarchy, there were innanimate objets, then insects, then plants, then vertebrate animals, and then humans
>people who were good were rewarded, bad people got punished; karma, pretty much

>>563011539
>>race was nothing but different color of skin
that's true though

>>563006679
mostly the typical shit
>santa is a real person
>in fact all holiday characters are real (leprachaun, easter bunny, etc)
>penis was a sword (thank you sex ed video)
>anyone could be anything they wanted to be
>wanted to play basketball for the detroit pistons
>white

>>563006679
>inb4 christianity
in all seriousness though I literally thought you could dig a hole to china
I even tried on several occasions
I also tried to build many of the things I saw on Ed Edd n' Eddy and failed miserably
oh, and when I was REALLY little I thought eye floaters were ghosts

>>563011690
>doesn't understand what OP means
get out newfag, unless this is bait.

>>563011690
>guaranteed replies

>>563007571
>*tips fedora*

>>563010120
>be me
>around 7
>taking a shower when brownish-yellowish water suddenly starts sputtering out of the head
>remember my mom explaining that the water gets hot temporarily after the toilet is flushed because it draws from the same supply as the toilet or something
>make the connection that i'm being sprayed with piss and shit particles
>believed for a while that our house's piping was fucked up and occasionally mixed up the toilet flushes with our bathwater

I still cringe even today when someone flushes a toilet while I'm showering.

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I didn't know girls had vaginas. When I was like 7 years old my friend (a girl) slept over. And, naturally, while she was sleeping, I pulled her panites fown to take a peek and she had two holes. Freaked me the fuck out.

>>563009535
this for the longest time. asked my grandmother even - and she joked that it was true, and my parents corroborated it

If you were nice to people they would be nice to you

>>563010490
lol I thought "rape" was "rave" for a while
I heard about people going to raves and I was like da fuq

I thought that sex guaranteed pregnancy until I was like 14

>>563010490
I thought it was masterpation

>>563006679
Wait.. Blacks don't breastfeed chocolate milk?

>>563011930
>penis was a sword
>sex ed video
explain please

>didn't know what rape meant
>thought it was a funny word
>chase cat one morning up the stairs like an animal
>fun to terrorize her
>scream I'M GONNA RAPE YOU!
>parents were no longer asleep
>blame my brother
>brother gets his ass BEAT

>>563011120
Nope thats the asshole

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>>563006679

>Believed my dad would come back

>Used to think black people were just really tanned white people

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>>563013215
>implying theyre not

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>>563013124
topkek

>>563012172

>*tips menorah*

>>563011690
Dont worry kid. One day you will grow up too.

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that niggers were human beings...

That god exists

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>was told by parents that semen was holy and sacred so I wouldn't fap
>fapped into a jars for 3 years
>parents faces when they found 3 and a half filled jars with 3year old semen in the back of the pantry

>>563014421
*jar
Rewording sentences is hard

>>563013124
>7 years old ask mom what sex is
>mom says it's when two people who love each other kiss with no clothes on
>good enough for me
>months later in my bedroom getting ready to dress after shower
>cat walks in
>I lean over and kiss top of its head
>immediately remember what mom said
>horrified
>drop towel and run naked into kitchen screaming "mom, I just had sex with the cat"

>had poodle as a kid
>I hate poodles
>this one was a manlet that pissed on everything
>pissed on clean clothes
>pissed on shoes
>one time got on the table and pissed on my god damned dinner
>take dog outside
>drop pants
>piss all over poodle, in his face, all over his fur
>aim for his eye
>covered that dog in what seemed like an endless amount of piss
>never pissed on my stuff again

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That I could go super saiyan if I tried hard enough

Pic somehow related.

>>563013196
Damn, anon

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>>563014421
anyone else think of this?

>>563010218
>rugrats was top tier

I thought ponies and foals were the same thing until about a year ago.

>>563014930
this
I tried on many occasions
I was also constantly trying to do a Kamehameha

>>563006859
i had this
but with a frisbee...
capcha:pitiful ochiter

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>>563015464
Kamehameha?

Try doing a spirit bomb

>>563015145
What's that from?

>>563007838
>>563008104
Jesus can't be Mexican, there is no wise man in mexico nor virgins..

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When I was 4 I asked a black girl why her mother didn't bathe her better, I just didn't understand someone not being white
I thought if I dug enough into a hill, I could make my own cave, and would do so every recess. What I really wanted was a secret underground hideout that had a tree stump as a door.
>>563008460
pic related. What did you see?

>>563016694
oglaf.com Hilarious webcomic.

>my brother told me if he pulled all of my hair out, I would love forever.

>he also told me that all of the dinosaurs fell into a lake a drowned

>100 was the highest number

>mountains were the tips of very tall trees

It'd take pages, but here are the funny ones

> Sex was a medical procedure that took place in the Hospital for procreation.

> Karate, aka krotty, was a truly deadly art that gave its practitioners the ability to kill their opponents with a chop to the neck.

> That if I ate Honeycombs, I'd be strong enough to carry enormous backpacks up Mt. Everest. Saw it in a commercial.

> Pro bodybuilders did not use steroids because steroids were for losers who didn't like to work hard.

> Viewing Playboy led people to become rapists and murderers.

> That the world would end in 2000.

>>563018521
>Mountains were the tips of very tall trees
I dont even. Were you on acid as a kid or what?

>Volleyball was Bally-ball
>Goggles were gog-goes
>The giant machines at Home Depot were for killing bad children
>An evil brown lady would grab my feet and pull me under the car seat if I ever left them dangling over the edge

>>563011120

I thought the voice on the drive through was from an invisible man.

>>563018920
Nah. Every time I saw a mountain, there were trees all over it and my mom would say "look at the mountain"

cars worked at least in part by a jet engine, the exhaust pushing the car forward

>>563019575
>cars worked at least in part by a jet engine, the exhaust pushing the car forward

I thought gears were like auto pilot that meant you didn't have to drive the car.

When they told me no, I thought cruise control must be the auto-pilot.

>did literally whatever my older brother told me to
>brother says "look at this faggot"
>scream to guy HEY YOU'RE A FAGGOT!
>brother runs like hell, I follow him
>brother yells at me
>dude I'm just showing you I agree wtf

>cousin thought that the radio had little people in it playing the music

>boyfriend thought that water was made for swimming.

>>563010672
I want the world to work like this.

>>563019083
it was always "volleyvall" for me. so many other words i fucked up like that but i forget them all

>>563016892
Jesus isn't also a white guy with long hair they made that way so he looks majestic

>>563013164
I will never look at those lids the same way again.

>>563020206
show tits pl0x

>wound can be fixed if you find the piece of skin

>batteries not included meant it didn't need batteries

>didnt understand concept of years. I thought I was older than my family since I was born in January, the first month.

>>563006679
>There were such things as chocolate cows.
>Went to Disney's Safari, thought they took my parents to an actual safari where they'd be attacked by wild animals.
>Believed women didn't pee because they didn't have penises.

I know I'm forgetting some, but these are the ones that come to mind.

I used to think MC Hammer and Young MC were the same person...because they both had MC in their name

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>>563016892
very true, mexican females are born pregnant, they are inseminated by their fathers while still in the womb. saw it on discovery channels shark week.

I thought piss was stored in your balls.

>>563006859
i did that with race cars skateboarders etc, still do it sometimes and im 27... its fun.

>when I first started getting boners I thought something was seriously wrong with my dick

"girl China"

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>>563021472
it is, until you spray it all over e mexican woman's face

>>563014930
I sometimes still think I can if I try just a little harder.

I thought there was a train running in circles in a CRT tv

>>563006859
Yep.. that was every child ever.. good memory's

>>563009535
you are not alone...

>you have to pee inside a vagina to get a girl pregnant
>Ejaculation is when blood squirts out your dick. I thought semen was special dick blood

>>563021492
>When i got a boner for the first time i thought it was a disease and cried all day

>I saw the Truman show as a kid
>though I was on a tv showy entire life

>>563008460
When I was in fifth grade I had a dream that all of the girls were hyper-futa with upside down dicks.

>statutory rape=sex with statues
>africans are closer to apes than other humans because like apes they come from africa and have dark skin
>every person lives exactly 100 years, dying on their 100th birthday
>girls couldn't pee standing up because guys have stronger legs
>the popcorn bag is like a fruit, containing many popcorn seeds and growing in popcorn trees

I also thought the heartbeat you hear echoing in your ear when you sleep on your side was a marching microscopic army fighting germs

>>563009005
Wasn't that a sport for a bit though?

>thought redbull was an alcholic beverage and not an energy drink

>>563006679
>I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows

>>563008460
come on man, don't tell me you haven't tracked it down and identified it. I really want to know now.

>>563022887
>Thought Africans were in the process of evolving into white people.

>>563006679
>The sun hid inside some hole in the mountains
Isn't that just an active volcano?

Anyway, when I was really young I was reading about space, the solar system 'n' shit and saw that asteroids and the like can be referred to as 'bodies'.

I took this literally and actually imagined there being asteroids/etc as humanoid body shapes floating about in space.

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>>563022887
>africans are closer to apes than other humans because like apes they come from africa and have dark skin
I don't see a problem with that one

>>563022887
My 9th grade health teacher taught us, sincerely, that the human body is designed to live for EXACTLY 100 years. He said those who died earlier just misused/damaged it, and those who lived past were just rare mutants

>>563013124
>chuckled

>>563006679
autism level >9000

>>563023508
Are you sure that is not the case? You probably would need to study a lot to know it.. we share 50% of our DNA with bananas so..

that freckles was my white skin coming off and eventually I would be black

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>>563022549
>ejaculating semen

>>563006679
>Thought serial killers killed for cereal.

Not sure if that's already posted. If it is, I apologize for re-posting it.

>>563023628
thats actually good advice for children, it will encourage them to live more and healthier?

>>563006859
Fuck yeah! Me too, and sometimes he was on a skateboard. I played lots of Pro Skater.

>>563013196
>I believed if I prayed hard enough that my dad would come back to life

>>563024087

regular fucking dnacodefaggot here, lol.

>>563021492
my balls dropped when I was at school and somehow it turned into a fiasco of my teacher calling my mom so she could explain that it was normal.

>>563006679
>Black people were made of chocolate
>Girls had cooties
>You can throw up your heart and die
>I'll live to be over one hundred
>Swearing is evil

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>thought vaginas were floppy tubes of skin and muscle, kinda like birdo's snout thing but flimsy
>"bagina"
also this fucking thing, every kid I knew drew these all the time.

I thought people's butts were where poop was stored. Literally, in an empty cavity right behind the ass cheeks. That's why they are so soft.

And don't push too hard on a butt, or poop will come out.

>Santa, Easterbunny, etc
>Asians came from outerspace
>Thought the Six Kitten Sim Date games on newgrounds where based off true stories
>Chocolate milk came from brown cows
>Girls had dicks
>Saw hentai at a young age, thought it was a legit way of having sex in real life
>Black people where just filthy white people who never bathed
>Eating apple seeds would make a tree grow in my stomach
>If I blew my nose hard enough, my brains would somehow come out too
>If I sneezed too hard, my teeth would come out
>I had more then two sets of teeth and would continue to lose teeth throughout my life and grow them back

>>563025249

so you mean that you showed your bals to the school nurse after having been kicked in one or both of them for being a faggot and you cried.


mommy rescue did she?

>>563025430

Fuck off sUR, this is Norteno.

>>563021675
Wut

>>563010490
Well, at least you got the 'u' right. Some people go their whole lives calling it "masterbation"

>>563006859
This!

>>563024550
Don't act like that's common enough that somebody else might've posted it to make yourself feel better

>>563025850

what u mean?
What is sUR and Norteno?

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>Jews didn't deserve to die.

I watched the Never Ending Story as a kid.

>believed you could make an actual never ending story by glueing the front and back covers of a book together

>>563009950
cats are girls and dogs are boys... XD

>>563025430
isn't that the scooby doo symbol? when I was in grade 8 my friends were drawing swastikas and I was the only one who knew what they meant. A teacher came over after she saw and told them.

>>563026305

nothing to the uninitiate.

>>563022887

>the popcorn bag is like a fruit, containing many popcorn seeds and growing in popcorn trees

I want this to be true

>>563006679
Women drop eggs like chickens, but they're really small.

The Running Man was an actual TV show.

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>>563013196

>>563006679
When a character in film/television died, the actor did too.

>>563027165

Nah, too many niggers would break into your backyard to get to your popcorn tree.

>ask dad what happens if you accidently suck up the vacuum cleaner's power cord while using it
>dad jokingly says you get electrocuted
>take him seriously
>scared shitless of the vacuum for years, and super cautious whenever I used it

>>563026614
Scooby Doo? I always thought it looked like the Suzuki logo. I just drew weeb things in grade 8, and all my friends drew dicks. Then it was swastikas in high school at the risk of being caught by this one almost-SJW teacher we had for shits and giggles.

That I would end up getting one girlfriend that I eventually would marry, not that shit with relationships that last months and you just look for a good girlfriend desperately

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>>563013196

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>>563006679

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1biXQp8x7k

>People on the TV could also see you at home
>Black people very rare did any drugs ever
>The police were there to help and protect you

>Thought vagina was va-china

>Thought I had cancer for two years
>Thought there was a portal to hell under my bed hidden under the drawers.
Thanks for the last two sis

God.

>>563022819
still think this

I believed my parents would go into the grocery store without me and switch skins with other people, and leave me forever.

>>563011141
Kek'd

>Freddy Krueger was real and if you didn't believe him you would turn into him so every night before bed I had to remind myself he was real

The whole belief came from some bullshit some faggot childhood friend told me

>>563012272
goku?

>mushrooms are completely deadly
>fast food restaurants use bone meal in their vanilla shakes to get the perfect texture

I never did follow through on the logic of deathly mushrooms, but I didn't eat them for 8 years

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I told a lot of theses to little kids so they would believe it.

>>563010490
>doesn't actually remember 9/11
>underage detected
I may have only been fucking 8 but I will never forget my 1st grade teacher making us watch that shit on the news.

we were all 8, why the fuck did we need to see a couple planes fly into the wtc, we couldn't comprehend death on a mass scale, that shit just messed with all of us

>>563006679
I thought women had three holes, butt hole Pee hole and a hole in between them where babies came out of

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>>563014720
That's how I got into beastiality

Chocolate milk comes from a brown Cow.
They didn't have color until the 60's. I mean everything was actually Black & White.

>ALL black pickup trucks were driven by "bad guys"
>If you scrubbed your skin hard enough with soap you'd turn yourself black.
>The upward facing arrow on street/traffic signs meant you could fly up.
>You get married by asking a stranger of the opposite sex who is not wearing a ring, if they want to marry you .. literally on sight.

>>563006859
mine was a guy on a skateboard that would powerslide rails and shit

>>563029840
>8 in first grade

>>563006679
>Black guys had black sperm
>If you touched a black person, their color would smear on you kind of like when you touch melted chocolate
>It should be mandatory for black people to own a swimming pool because I knew the color black attracts heat and I thought black people got more hot than white people

>Poop was stored in the buttcheeks ; people with bigger butts had more poop in them

>A woman could choose what the baby comes out of when she gives birth, either through her vagina, butt, or mouth

>Cats were girls and dogs were boys

>You could teleport into Blue clues by doing the dance
>You could enter Dragon Tales if you drew the slab thing

>One night stands were having sex one time next to a night stand table

>Thought in that song where they said 'Machine Head' they said "Mushy head. She's got a mushyy head, mushy in her head."

>Thought in the song "Better Man" they said "Can't findd Batmann!"

>Thought the people we see on TV WERE actually IN the TV
>Didn't know shows and movies were pre-recorded

>>563024675
LOL FAGGOT

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>>563029840
>mfw I laughed when I first saw the footage of 9/11
>mom got super pissed off
I was 6 and I didn't know what the fuck was going on

>The vagina was just for sex
>Women pissed and shit out of their asses
>Other blacks would hate me for spending my time at a golf club.
>Hitler killed the jews for making fun of his hair and clothes

>used to believe the buff guys with oil were coated in plastic because I never knew why they were so shiny

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>The vagina was just for sex
>Women pissed and shit out of their asses
>Other blacks would hate me for spending my time at a golf club.
>Hitler killed the jews for making fun of his hair and clothes
>Eating dirt made you stronger and grow more due to it being able to grow plants

>>563006859

ah ha me too

>>563006859
Yes, everybody has done this.
We have come to that realization. Many times.

> That I would be happy as an adult.

>nothing comes out when you cum

>>563031060

>Hitler killed no one.

>>563019083
>The giant machines at Home Depot were for killing bad children

care to elaborate?

>>563030535
I'm 20 now
>9/11 was 13 years ago
>20-13= 7
Yeah, I was either 7 or 8.
Your point?
>inb4 ha I was 15 in 1st grade I was the oldest that made me the koolist

>>563008460
Are you into traps now? Or gay?

>>563031691
This. I thought I'd be easily be married by now to a hot woman and having sex all the time. I didn't just dream it or hope it, I assumed it would be true, like it couldn't not happen. Life is so disappointing.

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>>563031870
Are you sure? I Think i remember reading it somewhere. I mean you seem pretty credible, just want to check.

>>563032143
Me too. Seriously thought you just grew up and got a family and shit. Like it just happens to you. As Fucked up as most people seemed to me it was the only logical assumption.

>>563029951

Ummmmm.......

>>563006859

Don't remember ever doing that, but I would read EVERY sign aloud as fast as I could.

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>>563029951
But that's completely correct

>>563030059
Fukin' kek

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Thought that whenever my parents went on vacation they were killed and replaced by aliens that assumed their form

Thought Stacy's mom has got it going on was Stacy's dog has got it going on

Thought a misdemeanor was a mean teacher named Mr. Meaner

>kid during Clinton years
>thought phone sex was physical sex with a phone

>>563018891
> Pro bodybuilders did not use steroids because steroids were for losers who didn't like to work hard.

FUCKING KEK

I remember that song on the radio: "Baby won't you light my fire" and I thought it was an actual baby lighting a fire for someone.

>>563032985
>mr. meaner
I cant breathe

>>563032897
>>563032646
But I imagined like three big fleshy gaping holes. Had no idea what the vagina actually looked like.

>>563013196
man those feels

>>563033240
But then I give away my age..

>>563032584
I also thought this

>Didn't know the difference between "lesbian" and "virgin"
>Thought making out was the same as having sex
>Kind of racist for no reason. Just thought black people were stupid

I wasn't that dumb as a kid

>>563013074
i guess i should've replied earlier...

sex ed class

>be 18 years ago
>girls excused from the "male portion of sexual education" and go to recess
>video starts talking about how our body's are changing
>shows how we grow armpit hair, facial hair
>comes to part about penises
>2 images side by side
>one showing what it looked like inside
>one showing a flaccid uncircumsised penor
>both start to get hard
>dicks cross
>classmates start laughing it looks like a sword fight
>can't stop laughing
>principal's office for not putting head on desk

>>563026748
3spooky5me

>>563026419
According to Stephen King you can.

>>563029951

Anus, Urethra and Vagina, how fucking old are you? Have you not looked up porn?

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> I thought i would find a good girlfriend
> I thought i would find a good friend
> I thought by 25 I would have everything set up in my life ; career, wife, social life

god i couldnt be more wrong..

>>563033925
That is pornographic. Sex ed is really unnecessary in schools.

>>563034150
Fuck you Heaven, I already explained myself

>Playing outside with my neighbor
>Neighbor is a black kid
>"Hey I gotta go pee, I'll be right back"
>Neighbor nigga stops me
>"Nah me too we can just go at the same time"
>Thought this was really weird
>we both go and pee at his house
>Obviously I looked at his dick
>Looked fucking weird. Maybe uncut/botched circumcision
>Thought all black people had weird ass dicks
>Thought I had a leg up with girls because my dick wasn't weird as fuck

>>563006679
>I thought pretzels were farts and farts were under-developed poops

>>563034268
I know that feel.

>>563006859
mine was a guy with swords who cut through all the shit, but somehow also did gymnastic flips from lamp posts and shit.

>>563034287
no, that is physiology. It's essential to education, understanding your body is a life skill.

>>563010642
damn you were a smart child what happened.

I thought women got pregnant through the butthole

>>563033925
now that I think about it, kids at my school were unusually mature about the whole sex-ed thing
you would think kids would automatically have been making tons of jokes and laughing and stuff, but for whatever reason they just quietly paid attention to the videos and asked reasonable questions when it was over
weirdest part was that they were the complete opposite in pretty much ever other situation (immature annoying little shits)
to this day it still baffles me

> knew about sex, couldn't understand how it worked if a Boner went straight out and a girl had a rold.
> thought that if I didn't believe in aliens they'd come get me and make me belive (not greys, but Sigourney weaver aliens.)
> midgets were "mildreds".

>>563034803
You don't need to watch videos of penises becoming erect to "understand your body."

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>>563034268
I didn't choose the NEET life
the NEET life chose me

>>563006859
I used to open my jaw whenever we passed intersections and close it once there was grass again. Every driveway too. Started to hurt after a while.

I thought sex was only done face-to-face, lying down, with the man on top.

>>563006679
if you ripped a dollar bill 4 quarters would spill out

>>563007571
le edge

>>563034997
what he described are diagrams, to show anatomy and why it's happening
and yes watching the process does help understanding.

>>563034997
This is also completely off topic. Go make your own stupid thread.

>Be at babysitter's house
>Babysitter has son my age
>I think I was like anywhere between 6-8

>We wanted to make a fire
>Got sticks and leaves
>Put in pile
>No fire
>Ithoughtthatwouldwork.jpg
>Friend says he saw how to do it on tv
>Tells me we have to pee on it to make it start
>He pees on it
>I pee on it
>Tell other friend to pee on it
>Still no fire

>Thought you could get a girl pregnant through anal.

>>563035506
please shut the fuck up on your pedophilic idea of showing hard cocks to kids for kicks

>Never knew what made sex "end"
>Didn't know how they knew when to stop
>Thought people stopped having sex when they got tired
>Didn't know sex ended after you cum

>>563035460
also if you drank gatorade you would sweat blue or yellow like in the commercials

>>563036064
when I was little I believed pretty much everything that was in commercials

>>563036064
this this this this this this
My father told me gatorade contained sweat in it, and that's why the lemon lime one always had a weird salty taste to it. didnt drink it until late in my 20's because of that, he had scared me away from the best hangover cure there is

>>563035537
Heaven, pls go

>>563036426
>Thought the fat cheetos had worms in them
>Friend told me they did and that's why they were yellow inside
>Still don't eat fat cheetos

>>563018891
well, strictly speaking, you CAN kill people with a karate chop to the neck if you're strong enough.
just really hard to do

>>563036760
I told my sister that every skittle except red/purple was colored with bug guts, so whenever she'd buy them i'd always get a bag of skittles with the red/purple ones missing, leaving the best citrus flavors for myself.

>The tooth fairy was a giant cross dressing hairy Italian man and not to be trusted
>That numbers, letters and colours were either male or female and were involved in long term relationships with eachother. i.e 1 and 2 are married, red and blue are together, A loves B.
>Flying foxes (which are bats) are actually giant shirtless Hercules built men with wings, that only come out three nights a year.
>Aliens were planning to kidnap me, and take me to my "home planet"
>I thought I could see ghosts
>Eating raw sugar on the reg was a good idea
>I asked my father how he met my mother, he told me when you become an adult there is a government institution you go to find your wife, she's assigned to you, that's if your sibling doesn't wed you first., and that I'd have to wed my brother. I believed that for ever, a really long time.
>when I turn 21 everything will be alright

I'm still waiting on those aliens.

My dad's method for parenting was to come up with a complete lie with terrible consequences for doing unwanted behaviors. For some reason he called this native broadleaf plant a "man-eater" and said you are never allowed to pee on it if you are out in the woods. To this day, I am still a little edgy when I am around those plants.

>>563037004
Just smack them hard enough with a blade-hand to the jugular vein, it'll kill'm if you use all of your force.

I asked my mom when I would grow up to be a black man.

>>563024550

Snap, Crackle, Kill Him.

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>>563006679
from an old thread

>>563019083

Those forklifts scared me as a kid when I went to home depot

>>563037185
this x 100
I wish I could remember all of the shit my pops said to me.

>>563006679
>clouds are messages from dead people
>hold breath during movies where the character went underwater to see if I could hold it longer
>throw away unopened cans of food because I thought our trash went straight to children in Africa.
>thought I could blow away the red lights at an intersection. Dad just timed it perfectly to make it seem like I could.
>painted the porch blue with a friend for no reason

Lulz'd at Jesus was a Mexican.

>>563006679
I tought the world would not be that stupid.
Nope.avi

>>563037351
more likely that's from you breaking their neck, from the way their head will get jerked. you really do have to put your whole body into it though, and be pretty strong even besides.

>>563037639
>threw away cans of full food.../trash goes to africa
laughed like fuckin' hell, but how very compassionate of you.

I thought black people were just extremely sun burnt normal people, so I cowered from the sun for about a week

>>563037639
>>563037639
I still hold my breath

>Black guy's cum was brown
>The only possible way to have sex was from behind
>Guys could get pregnant
>People just got pregnant once they reached a certain age
>I was the only person that got boners
>Women had the ability to fuck a guy from behind (without a strap-on)
Thank God for Sex Ed.

>>563029530

Told a kid that all Hostess products (particularly Twinkies) were made in the 1960's and just kept in a giant warehouse until needed.

>>563037639
>hold breath during movies
So much this. I held my breath every single time during the Fellowship scene where Frodo pulls Sam up from drowning. I never fucking made it the whole way.

>>563037986
I've never felt the need to kill someone, but if I do i'll remember to use my entire body.

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>>563037639
>Africans live off 1st world trash
>mfw

When I was a kid I thought girls peed from their butts

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>>563006679
>All people get murdered and that's how everyone dies
>Kissing is the same as sex
>Daddy's peepee is a lollipop.

>>563037037
Lel

I also thought the cereal that looks like rice (Forget what it's called) had worms in it because I saw a movie where this dude was eating it and they started turning into maggots, and he knew, but he kept eating it. Blood and milk all over him. Ive never eaten that cereal after I seen it. Still haven't. Probably never will.

>>563038058
... so do I

>>563038020
I wasn't as compassionate as it may seem. When I stopped getting tooth fairy money, I stole a penny (seriously) from my parents after I had lost one of my teeth. The guilt has scarred me since. I think I ended up swallowing it on accident. The penny I mean.

>>563038360
it's more intimate that way.

>>563037136
You must have had an awesome childhood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEwraANVxBU

>>563038189
Could be true. They taste like shit.

>>563038876
lel

Used to pray (lol) hoping to wake up to random shit under my bed.

>Everytime I put on a pullover shirt/sweater men is masks were going to attempt to kidnap me while I couldn't see
>A slight dose of radiation will instantly kill you
>Boxing day was the day where people fought each other in the boxing ring
>Dropping batteries in the bath will electrocute you instantly
>My conscience was jesus talking to me

>>563038685
Wanna talk about guilt? My dad told me that everything he makes for me has feelings. Even my lunch. I used to cry my eyes out at recess if I accidentally threw away a small pouch of crisps, a half-munched sandwich ect. Lasted well into my adulthood, sympathizing with tools that are the last ones on the shelf imagining how sad they must be nobody picks them. as A kid, I picked the stuffed animal with a missing eye, broken speaker ect as to give the hurt ones a home too. all my stuffies probabaly look a bit fucked up now that I think about it. Thanks for the nostalgia guys.

>>563039371
dropping batteries in the bathtub wont kill you? It just seems like reasonable suspicion. I thought if you broke open a plasma globe, the little tentacles of electricity would shoot out and shockkill you

>>563039470
Your room was like the island of misfit toys.

>>563006679
>nuns could fly
>i was never gonna be a pothead
>god

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>>563039470
That gave me some feels.

>>563039682
Certainly was, but it helped me sleep at night knowing the fucked up stuffed-puppy-orphans could live in the comfort of what was my 10 year old self's room.
btw I fucked up last captcha really bad and my shit still posted. as long as most of the letters match, it'll still pass.

>>563030707
i still laugh at 9/11 footage.

>>563039470
I was the exact same way. I use to assign human feelings and emotions to inanimate objects and animals. If I saw a worm on the ground and it was about to rain/be attacked by ants/dry out from the sun, I would stop everything to help it out. I still do that today actually.

It's really not a good thing to have, I get attached to objects way too easily. But I think it's because of this that Toy Story really got to me.


>seeing my unused toys and thinking of how they might miss being played with makes me sad.

>>563030540

>You could teleport into Blues clues by doing the dance

Did you smash your face into the TV?

>When I took a shower and I had to wash my face or wipe my eyes, anytime they were closed I thought there were either robbers or ghosts in my bathroom
>Always wiped eyes as fast as I could
>Still kind of get scared of that

>>563040275
Well no. You just had to do the dance and then you'd just be ... there.

>>563035502
cancer

>>563038127
>>Guys could get pregnant
Apparently that's a thing in some fanbases. I don't get it.

>>563040672
Dude, I was so scared of spiders crawling on the shower curtain rod after watching Arachnophobia as a kid.

>minors ("miners") were banned from bars because they started fights
>sandwiches ("sand witches") were creatures that lived under the beach... didn't understand why that involved food
>brown cows produced chocolate milk

>>563039470
I did the same exact shit when I was a kid. I thought EVERYTHING had emotions. I always preferred the misfit toys and if I was deciding between 2 toys at the store, I could NOT pick either of them up because if I picked the one toy up then decided I didn't want it and put it back, I would feel guilty, thinking I hurt it's feelings by giving it a false sense of hope. Hell, I still do shit like that today out of habit. If I'm running low on beverages, I'll buy more while there's at least 2 left because if I leave only 1 can in the fridge, I think, "If that can was concious, it would probably feel really lonely." I swear I don't have autism.

>>563006679
>I thought overweight black women were just pregnant in their asses.

>>563041328
I still hate spiders and I think it's because of that movie.

>I Thought sex was making out in bed, even with clothes on
>You could have a baby this way
>Thought breasts were PERFECTLY round
>Thought girls obviously had cocks like guys

>>563041668
>>563040225
>>563039470
>mfw this hyperempathy doesn't extend to other actual people

>Masturbating means stretching out your dick and fucking yourself in the butt
>Playboy is a magazine about video games

>sharks were the most dangerous things in the world
>aliens, vampires, zombies, and bigfoot were out to kill me and my family
>the world would most defiantly end in 2012
>god was a real guy everyone knew

>>563006679
>Black women had the ability to breastfeed chocolate milk
don't they?

>>563043160
Also
Some kid said "Fine, I'm not gonna let you use my PlayStation"

>Thought a PlayStation was a booth with a video game controller, like a phone booth

>>563043445
>young enough to have been a stupid little kid when the 2012 thing was around

>>563043926
this

>>563006679

Vaginas were secret volcanos

Adults would eventually grow out of cars and have no means of transportation

>>563037639
Thought the same Africa thing.

>5 years old
> take whole Oreo box
> eat all the creme
> put each cookie carefully stacked up in garbage for Africa

>>563013124
one time working at a summer camp i caught a couple of 7-8 year old boys each threatening to rape the others mom
nobody believed me

>>563044457
Should have gone to a woman's studies professor.