Anyone else feeling depressed?
>GF of 6 years slowly drifting apart
>Take drugs alone during the week
>Avoid roommates and social events
>Try going for walks
>Trying reading at coffee shops
>Get through one chapter
>Drift off and start tearing up.
Baww with me /b/ros
>Never had a relationship
>No friends I have anything real in common with
>Chemothearpy destroyed the nerve ending in my fingers, so I can't play guitar anymore
>Only time I feel like life is worth living is while high
>Depression makes it almost impossible to pay attention or comprehend what I'm reading
>I keep telling myself I'll make it through college, because it will all get better once I'm able to start over
>Looking at med schools, knowing I'll probably never get into one
>mfw I'm probably going to fail school, the only thing I've ever been good at or had any aspirations for in life.
Thanks anon, that's all I really needed ;_;
Not usually one for feels, but this time it really hurts.
Guitar is a big part of my life too anon.
Have you though about maybe piano or something else?
Synthesizers are fun to fuck around with too.
Maybe electronic music. Gotta have those creative outputs, I know.
I had moar than a feeling there are others.
At least your seating got comfier over time.
8/10 chair, would sit on
No camera but holy shit.
I am sitting on a big black office chair exactly like the pic.
Im in a room with no windows, but no pizza boxes.
I'd love too learn piano and play around with synthesizers.
The problem is I have no real understanding of music, guitar was something I just managed to pick up and play.
I have no real ability to play or make music, I just found songs I enjoyed and learned them until I was satisfied.
I have no real training, and most anyone with a year of instruction would probably laugh at me.
I wish I could go take lessons and really learn how to play, but now I'm starting school, and all money and time I have is going to go to at least attempting not to fail.
If I could go back in time and change one thing, I would make myself start taking piano lessons at 5.
I feel like I'm missing out on one of the only I enjoy, and now it's too late to ever do anything serious musically.
I love my mother, honestly she's always been there for me every time I've needed someone there.
Don't know my biological father, but my stepdad's a dick, and I've hated him since my mom decided to marry him what, 17 years ago now.
To his credit, he's gotten better over the years, and we now have an amicable relationship, although there are somethings I just can't let go.
Fuck and I thought I was classified as a basement dweller...
You guys are pathetic.
Get out more. Stop being such a hermit.
Do you even lift nigger? Soon off to do basic, then the world is my playground.
There are no rules in music.
It is all feeling.
Thats the great thing with synths.
You can twiddle the knobs, learn what they do, and start to get a feeling without any understanding of theory or any of that crap.
Great starter you can get on ebay for $100
Eating well and exercise are the key to mental health I know, Its just the first steps are hard.
Even just talking to ppl for real instead of via the 1nt4rw3bz will do you loads of greatness. Start with the ones at the local coffee shop, stop in every morning or every few days, make it a routine, say hi, they'll take notice to you and eventually convo's will start and sometimes they'll even give you freebie's once in a while (unless you're totally creepy trying to hard).
I know, I used to live my life for other ppl and then I grew a pair and started saying fuck you and now it's all gravy.
I was about to go into the military and start college. But then I got into a car accident. I broke my leg and it made me lose everything. My job had to let me go because I wasn't eligible for FMLA. I lost my car and the rental only lasted for a month. I finally am cleared medically and got a new job, but my knee swells every day. And every day I get back to my moms since I lost my apartment, car, and previous job and sit there and cry and realize my dreams are gone. I still have a chance at college, but seeing what I've become. Losing my fitness and gaining this weight. I hate myself. I hope I get a big settlement because at least then I'll know the companys van driver who caused the accident will be punished severely for not waiting just a second more.
>mfw I'm slowly becoming like that.
fuck, I was looking for this comic for months
>living alone for the longest of times.
>no friends, single room.
>too nervous to get outside for anything more than the basics.
>christmas comes and my family wants me to go visit them.
>buy some bus tickets.
>seven hour bus ride to Ottawa.
>sit alone on the nearly empty bus, driving through the snowy highway.
>mumble along to music and stare out the window.
>bus driver tells me he needs to take a twenty minute stop to wake up.
>we stop at a small mom and pop shop along the highway.
>I walk along the road for a bit, stretching my legs.
>no cars in sight.
>see a snowy path into the woods.
>follow it, winding through the trees and getting snow in my boots.
>if I drag my feet maybe I can clear the way for someone else to follow one day.
>it takes me to the edge of a river.
>I see a bench, and an over turned boat covered in snow.
>this place seems really familiar.
>I keep walking for a bit.
>Sing the song I was mumbling on the bus.
>I'd been here before.
>with my mum.
>I must have only been eight or nine.
>I missed her.
>I missed her so fucking much.
>my tears were frozen on my face.
>try to keep singing, but I can't.
picture related. I took it then.
Ahh a feels story thread, i'll drop mine from a little while ago, not very good but meh
>Walking to train station to get home
>Contemplating suicide as currently unstable relationships never had a proper father figure
>Trains all broken down
>Walk an extra 15 minutes to a bus stop I know that will get me home
>Wait 5 minutes and get on the bus
>Stops like 50m down the road
>9/10 gets on
>Rolls up to me in a wheelchair, notice I'm sitting in disabled seats, so I offer mine.
>She accepts and drops a smile
>We start talking
>Say our goodbyes, ask her if she catches this bus often
>I catch the bus from then on
>Relationship blossoms from then
>Soon learn why she's in a wheelchair, something to do with a stroke
>Goes on with our friendship for a year
>Last time I saw her she had her hair all shaved off, and her mother was there. How was I supposed to know that she was about to have cheemo? Or that it wouldn't kill the cancer? Or that I get a lovely message from her mother telling me how happy I made her life for the last year. I turned 18 a few weeks ago, and its been a year since I lost my best friend. So yeah, you could say I'm feeling depressed. But we'll keep going.
I know exactly where this is by Ottawa.
All the buses stop there.
I have sat on those exact benches smoking anon
I wonder how many other lonely people have sat on those same benches and cried like we have.
It is a nice quaint little place isn't it.
Where are you now anon?
I miss it as well.
I make sure to back every now and then
Its like the place never changes
Still the same shops and buildings, and same bums on every corner using the same ol lines
I'm going to Waterloo University studying there.
It's almost like time doesn't pass there. The trees stay the same, the cyclists still get up early along the canal, and the shops are still dusty and filled with books.
It's the place I call home.
Even when everything asks for a little more calm
Even when body requires a little more soul
Life doesn't stop
While time accelerates and hurry us up
I refuse it, I make my time, I enjoy the moment
Life is so rare
While everybody awaits the cure of evil
And madness pretends that it's normal
I pretend to be patient
World keeps spinning faster and faster
We demand from the world, and the world demands from us
a little more patience
I wonder if it is time that lacks you from perceiving
Do we have have all this time to lose
And who wants to know
Life is so rare
your pic is an acurate representation of my life
got stood up tonight with a lady I've been dying to see, she got all dressed up, pics and all, I got the fancy shit on, calls me 1 hour and says she doesn't want to go. I'm like... really.
so this is me tonight
Moved to Ottawa when I was 16-17 in the middle of February. Lived outside because it was better than living at home. Stayed there for a couple of years. Now living in Montreal.
Have lots of good close friends in Ottawa.
Montreal is very stale and fake I find.
"Are...are you sad?"
"But your songs are sad."
My songs are of time and distance. The sadness is in you. Watch my arms. There is only the dance. These things you treasure are shells.
Does anyone here have a hard time being sober while you're constantly depressed?
Sometimes I like to think that it has something to do with having an awareness of yourself and who you are.
Some people seem really clueless and inconsiderate, but seem really happy.
And it's only the clever people that can ever get the feeling of worthlessness. Of course, it's just my opinion, but it's real to me.
I've always been depressed. Last summer all I did was work and smoke weed and I felt like shit. This summer I worked, but also did little things to improve myself. I still smoked and drank, but after the high wore off I felt like shit.
I never knew why I kept going back to get fucked up when I knew I'll feel like shit after. I think its because for those few hrs I'm high I'm actually "happy".
anyways...I hope you all pull through.
I'm here for you Anon
Been through a pretty shitty breakup recently, I need this thread
I never thought I'd be posting in a /b/aw thread, but here I am....I just lost the woman I love. Five years we had been together five...years, now she doesn't want me any more. I can't blame her, wasn't being the man I should have been, just wish I could have one more chance to change things, to improve myself and her love me once more..... I'll be alone forever now, not just because she was the one but because shes the one I only want. Never met another woman like her in 26 years I've been alive, I don't want to kill myself but the pain is insane, starting to just numb out now guess this is what I get to look forward to now, yay.... fuck my life.
Same here Anon
No friends, No relationships.
Never leave my room.
It's pretty shitty.
this song means more than the world to me.
Having a Girlfriend and friends you can't relate to and question your relationship with them when you have virtually nothing in common is just as hard.
Don't be to quick to judge. There is more that meets the eye.
"Man the fuck up" is something all of us do, or try to do. Some people can "man the fuck up" better than others, because they are sick in the mind. Of course, it's not black and white like you got the HIV running in your blood or not, but it's something that has been identified in many people, be it in personality analysis, magnetic scan or some shit, etc.
Shit sucks man....I'm a huge gamer and so was she, she was a solid 10/10 one of a kind, gamer, looks and caring I honestly don't know why I was so fucking stupid. Knowing I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life is unbearable. Pretty much know I'll be an alcoholic sooner or later. I honestly wish I had the strength to kill myself. We had plans of growing old together, getting married. I was going to take her to blizzcon and propose this year... I'm so scared of life now, it only holds pain regret and broken memories. Please kill me, someone, any one.
I dont know guise.
I have lived in the night for the last 16 years of my life. Only reason I got a GF really is because she works nights. I go through long intervals of sleeping for 20 plus hours, I was (still am) a heavy amphetamine user for 3 years and a narcissist. I don't know, pretty sure I'm Bipolar, but I hate self centered pityfags to be honest so I just drink everyday, lol. ;_;
Trying my best to show her I'll be the man I know I needed to be, but I fear its just too late she doesn't love me any more. Her friend gave me advice to give her space so thats where I'm at now. If there is no second chance, death can't come soon enough. I'm not even religious so killing myself to me isn't anything bad, I just....cannot bring myself to self terminate.
Some people have the same ongoing issues that every people have and they make a huge deal about them. Not evrybody has the best job, the best family, the best girlfriend (or even have one), but not everyone get so downturned about them like depressive people do. I say this people Im a high functional, aware depressive.
Tried to fuck at 19 year old when I'm 25. She didn't put out. Brother who is 40 got a piece. Now I'm in a band with both of them playing the keyboard. I feel awkward as fuck and I haven't gotten laid in two years and I've never had good sex in my life. Meanwhile I can't stop feeling like shit because they crop me out of band photos and even the sound guy tried to fuck me over by turning my input down and when I told him to turn it up, he did obnoxiously. I think they're too nice to tell me they don't need keyboards in a rock band. Meanwhile I'm sending my own music to indie labels and college radio stations with no reply.
Yesterday I went to twin peaks by myself because I want to take steps in not living a life of shit and get comfortable.
my brother just left an hour ago to go practice without telling me whats up.
I wanted to see those places with her though... I was a loner before I met her, she got me out and about. All I've ever had was video games, and we shared that interest it was amazing. I'll be going back to just games to numb and forget..... I'll wither away quickly I'm sure, I dont lead a healthy life style before, maybe drinking will end it quicker.
Trust me, you aren't depressed. You're pretty fucked up, granted. But depression is having something good happen but being really sad for no reason, without an explanation. It's really hard to be happy at all, even if life is pretty good, when depression sets in. It's different.
Be aware of the activities you're doing. It's okay to sit in front of the computer or play video games if that's what you feel like. But if you're doing that activity just to pass time you're better off doing something else. In fact, staring at the wall would be more constructive because then you're at least confronting your problems. Don't distract yourself, take control.
Even though I really hope I can get back all the people I pushed away from life, I don't think it'll happen.
Just try to numb it, suppress the suicidal thoughts and try to live the day, instead of the past or what could had been the future. Most of us probably feel like we don't have any reasons to keep going, but we do anyway.
Someday, somewhere, there's something good to us. It's out there, let's find it. Even if it's death. Just don't end it too soon, give yourself another shot.
she'll be happy for a while
hating the world
but then she'll want to build a life with you
she'll want to rescue you
and you'll go with it for a little while
and she'll be happy
and then something will happen
and you will give up
and go back to getting high
hating the world
and she'll have the most trouble in the world moving on
but she will
and her heart will be broken
and so will yours
and she'll think of you at night
but realize you aren't good for her
and will suck it up and find someone else
show her the world
take her to exciting places
love the world
and show her that everything will be all right
and deep within, somewhere
she'll imagine an alternate universe
where you showed her the beauty in the world
and not the confines of your room
I ain't depressed, but I'm feeling that with some of my friends right now.
We just hold different values. It's like they never have fun, they never let themselves go. I'm not even kidding, most of them drink literally twice a year, if that. It's not even that they are social recluses, hell, most of them have more friends than me, but they're just bat-shit scared of anything that is unfamiliar to them. All they do is go on shitty days out around the town, do nothing, never speak to each other and mooch about on their phones, then take a shit load of photos and upload them claiming "aww we had the best day everrrr". Fuck that man. Not only that, they look down upon people who think differently to them. They actively try to unsettle or upset them just because they do things in a different way. They are ridiculously ring-fenced-too. Sure, they have other friends, but they have this idea that they are this group of the social elite who can't communicate with the unwashed masses. I've tried to introduce other people into this circle and they've literally bullied them out because "we don't know them and don't want to know them".
I hold completely different values. I go out with other people, I drink, I smoke weed, I actively try to enjoy myself no matter how that makes me look to other folks. Sure, I may make an arse out of myself a bit, but I'll do it whilst having fun. And they HATE that. They can't get their heads around the fact that I have friends other than them, and that I do other things that don't involve them. They despise it. They look at me like I'm worse than them for being different to them. Fuck their attitude. They still feel like they have to project this image to other people that they are the quirky, slightly weird kids that are still pretty innocent in the eyes of the rest of society. Fuck me. I grew out of that shit when I was 15.
thanks anon. for explaining my life..... fucking jesus
>Met this girl, on a reunion in a friends house.
>Let's call her... Karen.
>I didn´t talk to her at the begining because I had something with other person and I didn't like her.
>At the end of the ''party'' she grabbed my wallet and went to the corner.
>I was really pissed off because I thought she was going to steal my money.
>I go and tell her to get my wallet back.
>she said she didn't have it.
>I saw you.
>She gets a call and she has to go.
>She returned me my wallet (with all the money)
>Says goodbye to me and tries to kiss me.
>I step back and say: ''Goodnight''.
>I didn't give it attention.
... The next morning
>Get a message from a friend (who is friend of ''Karen'')
>''Hey anon, how are you?''
>''Fine, thanks. and you?''
>''Cool... Hey, do you remember Karen''?
>''Well, cause she didn't stop talking about you all the way back home''...
This is the beginning of the story, if someone has the time to read the rest, I will continue... I feel like shit about this, so hope one of you has the time...
btw, sorry for my horrible english...
Yeah same here anon.
Some of the people I hang out with have been doing the same shit for 15 plus years. Watching the same style movies, listening to the same kind of music. ANything different and they laugh it off. Mind you my friends are about 10 years older than me, so they act like I am just a young child and my opinions don't matter.
They are sometimes dumb as shit, especially when it comes to art or literature and everything else they can't be bothered with.
Its frustrating for sure.
But it's all I got.
I wouldn't know how to persue making a new set of friends. I have no social media, no phone, just hotmail.
My social life literally became obsolete when MSN messenger was eliminated. ha!
needed some laughs ITT
Fuck this one hit home
I basically spent ages 8-25 playing video games all the time. Spent my high school years addicted to Everquest, college World of Warcraft, and whatever else I could find in between.
Now the one thing that kept me distracted from what a failure my life was can't keep me interested anymore.
Looking back my life was always pretty shit, but at least the video games distracted me from that fact. Why can't I enjoy them anymore?
Okay, I really hate when people like you complain about shit like this. I'm sorry that it happened that way, but she's clearly not interested or is thinking it over. She is human too, so let her make her own choices. You should be happy she didn't get mad at you like some bitches.
super depressed /b/ro
>Can't get over ex
>broke up 1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days ago
>mooching off parents
>dropped out of school
>don't talk to remaining ones
>dad is dying
>we have an extremely strained relationship
>always yelled at me when I was a child
>no respect for him
>loaded 12 gauge 10 feet away
>wanna opt out every fucking day
Because you're just playing them to pass time. It's escapism, but it's gone beyond the point of being a fun hobby. Think of it this way, either you start facing the real world or you keep hiding in video games.
I try. They've been my friends for a long time and I don't want to lose them. I've tried to go out with them and have a good time. I really have. But no. I remember once that we went out drinking down the pub, and I shit you not, two of them were drunk as skunks after two pints. Two. Fucking. Pints. It takes me at least 5 in fairly quick succession to feel even a bit of a buzz. It just ruins the night for everyone else, because we have to watch them and look after them, all because they never push out the boat, so when they do, they fuck up monumentally. And don't even mention weed. Holy shit, they treat this stuff like it shot out of Satan's anus. They MERCILESSLY give me shit for doing it. They claim it'll completely derail my life and it'll control me, you know, like fucking heroin. I smoke it once every two weeks. Maybe once a week during the summer. Like, holy shit, you're nearly 19, try something new and potentially unsafe, and you wont end up sprawled on a public toilet floor complaining that "they've grown distant from me" after their 6th fucking pint every time you try something new.
I try, /b/, I really do, but I think I'm getting closer to accepting that some people can't get past not seeing eye-to-eye and moving on to pastures new.
God damn I needed to get that off my chest.
This thread is going to 404 soon, and I know some of you may still need to talk to someone and get a response.
I know some of you, lurking or not, may be holding on with next to nothing and just want to tell someone about it. Suicide hotlines don't seem to really do the trick, to he honest. Hollow and practised and everything.
Everyone's got some sort of problems, and if you just want to let it out, I would really like to listen.
My Kik and Steam username is
Be safe bros, and I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Goddamn anon I have the exact situation except I don't wanna opt out just yet. And the ex gf is pregnant so that kinda puts the nail in the coffin for that relationship. Keep your head up. It's good to know someone out there is experiencing similar things. It'll make us stronger in the long run bro.
Okay gather around for this is my tale..
I'm 18 and going to college soon. Never had a girlfriend (or my first kiss for that matter), I like this girl and she's my best friend but she has a boyfriend who is a great guy so pretty much they will be together forever and I'll be alone forever. And all my other friends just wanna get fucked up all the time by drinking or doing drugs. I know it's probably not the saddest thing here but I'm tired of being alone.. :(
Sorry to hear that someone else lives in hell.
My relationship is done, too. She turned into a major whore. decided she wanted to jump from cock to cock to pussy to cock. wtf ever. I don't know why I hang on, because I doubt I'd take her back even if her pussy tasted like cookie dough.
That's the issue with being in love with trash.
I hope I don't opt out, but the more of a burden I am to everyone around me, the more I want to fucking die. Hope you get through yours.
Don't do shit with the girl, let her live her life in peace.
Go drink and party with your friends, don't do the drugs if you don't feel like doing it. You're only alone because you're afraid to try something else. You're alone because you want to.
>my buddies are out there doing something interesting and fun.
>mfw i'm just sitting here, on /b/
Great... Thank you, really. I don't have nobody to talk to...
> I replied her text
>''Yeah? Uhm, what did she said?''
>''She asked me where do you study and things like that''.
>Didn´t care because I wasn´t attracted to her.
>''Well, good, i think.''
>I changed the subject because I wasn´t interested.
The next week.
>The next friday i got invited to a party but I didn´t know where the party was.
>My friend takes me in his car.
>Enter to the party
>surprise, it's Karen's house.
>stay there, get some drinks... Usual.
>My friend approaches me and say ''Go and say hello to Karen, she has asked me all the night where were you''.
>Thought, yeah.. why not?
>Go and say hello.
>she was kinda funny.
>stayed with her all the night.
>only left me, Karen and her drunk cousin.
>I have to go.
>She walks me to the exit.
>She kisses me...
I will continue in a minute
Right now I should be the happiest man alive having my highschool sweet heart, my first ever true love, has literally willingly jumped into my arms after 3 years of abysmal chatter, and I even gave up my first adult relationship for her, and I feel like I still love the other girl, and I didn't really give her the chance she deserved because I'm a total piece of shit and deserve neither of the two. But still, all the things that my highschool sweetheart that make my blood boil just make me think of how relaxed and fantastic my last relationship was. But I'm a stubborn piece of shit and will grin and bare the sexier of the two ladies, even though I'm miserable.
You could try going to jail. Maybe only for a short time. (Maybe push some old person over or something). You could find friends there. Just try to not be you. If you keep being yourself while in jail you're going to be fucked. Literally.
No man that's not the way to go. We just gotta keep going. It can't be this bad forever man. And it would just make things worse on the family if you opted out right now especially with your dad. We just gotta man up bro.
I firmly believe that most men have only one true love in their entire life, maybe two.
The first one, who is always hidden at the bottom of your heart, that you still remember fondly even if it turn to shit. And another true love you find when you get older and know what the shit you're doing with your life.
Sometimes, your first love it's the only one. And you can't just not love her. You love who you love.
I'm in the pre-manic state of whatever is up with me. Happens every few years. I managed to filter most of the depression this time, so it's been a lot more interesting this time. Feels weird man, but not depressed.
I hold on with every last finger. I do this for my mom, mainly. I'd also like to see my nephew grow up, and I know my sister would be super sad if I left.
But there are just so many times that you can get up, though. You know what I mean? When all you're rollin is snake eyes, you eventually gotta just cash out, right?
As for childhood friends
about %95 percent of them I have drifted apart from. But the remaining %5 I know have my back even if we only talk/see each other a couple times a year.
Maybe a filtration process is in order?
Checking in. Just broke up with GF of 5 years about 1 month ago. Am 25.
I just want to remind you that just because a relationship didn't work out, that doesn't make you a bad person. You are not broken or unlovable. You are still a good person, and you are still worth investing in.
You WILL find another person. You WILL love again. I know it hurts now. It hurts so much. But it's better to find now than after marriage.
Use this as an opportunity to better yourself. Take an honest assessment of your faults, and work towards improving yourself. Make yourself into the kind of person she'd regret losing. Not because you want her back, but because you a person worth investing in.
You guys are awesome, and I know you'll get through this. Times are hard now, but they'll get easier. I'm rooting for you.
These threads are always just whiny faggots who went through a breakup.
You are not depressed. You are a teenager who went through their first breakup.
Fuck these threads. They aren't baww anymore. It's just "She will blah blah blah. She always blah blah blah. She this she that."
You are not men. Get some real problems to cry about.
I understand man. I wake up everyday knowing it's gonna be the same as yesterday. It's hard to manage you just gotta find something to hang on for. For me it's my baby sister. I couldn't imagine giving up with out seeing her grow up. It's shitty man but we can't be weak and give up just yet. Then we'd never really know what would have been. Be safe bro and find something you care about.
stay high nigga. I just had the last two fingers on my left hand go numb from a work injury from 8 years ago that I didnt even file for workman's comp for so I wouldnt loose my job... got fired immediately after. No recourse becasue I didnt file when I was injured.
>just learned how to play my favorite deftones songs and started writing my own music, last two fingers are loosing strength rapidly.
Thanks for the advice. Luckily I don't feel like this the entire day. Hopefully the more I assert myself, the more happiness I can find. I need to find another girl who can put up with me (lol). Before that happens, though, I need to keep a job.
The common problem with most people is they define their lives needing a partner. Their entire state of happiness is dependant on the actions of another person. When in reality you have all the mental tools you need to be truly independent and whatever kind of person you desire.
I'm currently doing my bachelor in psychology and I'd recommend anyone to read a bit up on psychology. If not for depression, just to understand how you're wired and how easy it is to get stuck in a mental negative feedback loop.
> I freeze. I step back and say ''Goodbye, see you...''
>The next morning check my phone and my whatsapp
>It's a text from her.
''Hey anon! :)''
>start chatting with her.
>''Oh, anon. You forgot your wallet at my house.''
>It's not possible that forgotted my wallet.
>''Are you sure?''
>start looking for my wallet.
>I don't found it.
>I say if a could go to her house because I was going out that night and i needed my money.
>''sure, see you here :)''
>take a taxi
>arrive to her house and ringed the doorbell.
>she come out
>''Hi, anon! How are you?!''
>she has this big smile in her face that makes me smile when i saw her.
>''Hey, good haha, you?''
>''I'm excellent... oh, and here's your wallet.''
>she gaved me my wallet in a ''Happy birthday '' bag with confetti.
>it was akward but i liked it.
>''Thanks! I didn't even noticed i forgot it..''
>''no problem :)''
>''we'll i have to go, because I'm in a hurry...''
>stared in the eyes of eachother for a while.
>She finishes and I invite her to the party I was heading to.
>She says that she has things to do but she will see me other day...
Sorry, It's a LONG story but thanks for keep reading.
I will continue. >>563007094>>563008863>>563008412
(Pic related, is the black ''happy birthday bag'')
Well the shit that hurts is that like even the sexual positions are the fucking same. I always eat out the new girl. We never fuck without me eating her out. And with the girl from before we both fucked on a chair like that in her bother basement the time I fucking took 3 busses across 4 states to see her. I dunno, shit just had me like freak out.
fuck that faggots idea... The thing is you have to get a girl on your own man. Its just one of those things once you get her though you can rejoin your happy friend as a group and it wont be weird.
>Quit bein a cunt.
My gf always makes me feel like shit when i talk about sex with her.
She says she can control herself and makes me feel like a fucking addict.
We barely fuck
Also reading. Nothing like a good baw thread.
I was hoping to draw something tonight.
I can't even hold the pen anymore.
In distress, feeling stressed.
You define life as meaningless without a partner, or as a successful artist. I'm guessing what you crave is the acknowledgement. You want people to notice you and give you attention. Which doesn't have to be a bad thing, everybody does to some degree. But you've basically built your life around it, and when the attention doesn't come, those definitions become a sickness.
>No real friends until i hit primary school year 2-3
>Don't remember much of it now
>lose of my Grandfather at a early age
>mother and her side of family fight alot when young
>has influenced my mother
>father hates me since birth
>try to fix relationship with him
>Feel like i am a bad son
>hate my father realize he's the problem here
>Most of my life sitting on my arse Getting handouts off the government to live
>struggling, Feel there is no hope of progression in my life
>no real relationships in my life
>Fucked left knee
>can't do much physical (anything)
>Slowly killing myself
>no self worth
>trying to pull myself back into reality
>realize why i left there in the first place
>Suddenly Realize i will die
>hits me like a nuke
>still haunts me
I am fucking scared
i just need an answer
I feel like i can't keep living like this, but i don't really care what happens to me anymore because i know my own fate
Does anyone else fear death so much you can't stop crying and screaming, it's like i am losing my soul or something
>pic related it's how i feel right now
I get flashbacks of my dad a lot. He tried to kill himself awhile back. Not why I'm depressed, just never really got to tell anyone.
>Emptied a few pill bottles into his mouth
>Had to use his printer, find him being all weird, falling on the floor, crawling back on couch, falls asleep
>Doesn't wake up
>Doesn't wake up
>See empty pill bottles and crumbs from the birthday cake I made for him that morning
>Deadweight as the EMS puts him in a wheelchair
>Fast forward to hospital
>Too late to pump stomach. In ICU, want to see him?
>Breathing tube, tube in stomach, IVs, the whole shebang
>If his heart stops, do you want us to resuscitate him?
>Wakes up 3 days later
>Psyche ward for 5 days
>Never mentioned again
Doctors said he could've suffocated in his sleep or have heart failure due to the meds he OD'd on
>mfw dad could've died
>mfw no face
>Start texting her more and more.
>Start seeing her in parties or reunions because she was best friend of one of my friends (the friend that texted me)
>Every time I saw her we kissed and stay together all night.
>I was really sincerely happy for the first time in my entire life.
>By the time, we have something.
>her friends liked me and I liked her friends.
>My friends liked her and she liked my friends.
>It was perfect... When we hanged out together;
both got drunk, kissed like there was no tomorrow and stay there hugged all night.
>This was my routine all fridays and saturdays when i saw her.
2 months later.
>Hang out to a small reunion in a friends house.
>Me and 2 friends in a taxi go to the store for some drinks and shit
>There, at the store was a friend of my friend and his friend let's call him; ''Rick''
>They greet and my friend invites them to the reunion.
>I don't give a shit.
>We buy the things and get back to the taxi.
>There in the taxi, this mother fucker ''Rick'' says something...
>''Hey guys, you know who is the uggliest bitch that i ever fucked?''
>All say ''Who?''
>''It's a bith called... Karen''
>I lose my shit.
>I was going to punch him right in the fucking face but my friend stopped me.
>I yell to him to fuck off.
>he didn't go anywere, because he didn't know that i had something with her...
>My friend tells me to calm down and to get down the taxi and helped with the things that we bought.
>help, but i was REALLY pissed off..
>I go downstairs, where all of my other friends were.
>I saw ''Karen'' with one of my friends next to the window.
>Leave the things in a table and go with her.
>I give her a hug and a kiss.
>she seems weird and sad.
>I asked her what did she had.
>''... I want to go to my home.''
I asked all my friends if they wanted to go to Hempfest and no one responded, day of one of them asks me and I was so excited because I never go out and I'm never invited, but turns out they exclude me again, so there's my problems
I used to.
Then I was diagnosed with leukemia and given a 50/50 chance to live. I made peace with the idea of dieing. It hasn't scared me since.
What exactly are you afraid of, Anon?
I know I might sound cold but remember I had asked them days before and none of them responded, then it turns out they already made plans
Sorry, I type very slowly.
>ask her why
>''... I can't tell you now''
>i knew it was about this fucker ''Rick''.
>I hug her and say ''Don't worry, whenever you are ready to tell me, I'll be here. I love you''
>She stares at me
>''Rick and I had a relationship but he dumped me... It was my fault... but I don't want him anymore.
>It was obvious, but I feel better because she doesn´t likes him.
>I tell her not to worry, and I was there with her.
>Drink with her.
>Get drunk, but she was drunker.
>Start kissing infront of this motherfucker.
>I have to go to the bathroom.
>I finish, and return with my girl.
>I hear screamings and shit.
>Run to the place.
>She's yelling to ''rick'' but he doesn´t say anything because he was drunk.
>He goes upstairs.
>I follow him
>he has to go, his mom is out. because he's an underage cocksucker.
>I yell at him to stop drinking.
>His mom hears me.
>I don't give a shit because I wanted to beat the shit out of him but he already was in his car.
Here starts the bad things...
>Looking at med schools, knowing I'll probably never get into one
I'm avoiding secondaries right now. If I know them, they'll love you assuming you bounce back into a motivated person.
what makes you think you'll fail that.
i have a few ideas of what happens after death i won't go into it i cbf typing it all out
basically i fear limbo, where there is no thought or smell or sight or memory, i try to rationalize as i am spiritually experienced, and say no that won't happen but i don't know i just need the answer so if it is my worse fear i can get over it now, but i know i'll never know and that's what scares me, i don't like to dare my life or anything, i saw a psychiatrist, said what was happening, told me i was fine, made me more depressed because i knew i was about to snap at any second, i still could, i am just so lonely, I've never really had a girlfriend and this girl i am "Chasing after" is a long shot but i hope every time i see her face that i could see it with my own 2 eyes and not on a computer screen, to be honest i don't like my life, i'd prefer a zombie Apocalypse, so i can become a more primal human male.
I have the same problems with my friends except all they do is drink, we're in college and that all they ever want to do, I don't have a real relationship with them besides that my bestfriend hangs out with them. I am kind of in the group now but they always exclude me and I feel like shit cause my bestfriend won't back me up when they do
Kind of similar with me. Both me and my best friend hang around with other people and they can't handle that so they organise shit behind my back. There is a huge music festival next week about 40 miles away from me, and because of the size of it you need to get tickets waaaaay in advance. I was talking with them about maybe going and lo and behold they've all bought tickets and booked a hotel for the weekend without telling me. Sucks dick man.
no electronic devices. Last for as long as possible. Fill the empty time with anything productive. Tennis, reading, writing, cooking, exercising, being with family, learning, anything that makes you happy, and doesn't leave you with that empty feeling
I mean in meditating and having lost of contact with the paranormal, i've done astral projection before, i've been possessed by demons, i've been thrown around a room with no one near me or even in the house with me, i speak to voices i hear (i know i am not insane cause my aunt who is also a christian has herd them at the same time as me with 4 others and they didn't hear it only myself and her)
My spiritual self is my True self i have been told by several mediums and my aunt
>MFW your trying to push your religion onto
me, fuck off nigger
Exact same thing happened to me, I organized to go with them and helped them get the shit, week of they have my spot to another friend and decided not to tell me untill the day before. Was your's Watershed by any chance?
yeah I kind of caught on to that jackass. They aren't actually getting anything from me because we hardly ever hang out any more, so I don't see why they're clinging on if they don't care
Sorry you feel that way. I used to consider myself religious/spiritual, so I can understand how that can torment someone.
In my opinion, this is your only life, and the only time and manner which you'll be alive.
are you actually serious cunt
You base your opinion off one fucking story, you think that he want's to hear that from you, go back to fucking twitter.
>Get back with her.
>Hug her and kiss her.
>She has to go, I walk with her to the exit and kiss one more time.
Everything is fine, until the next week.
>I text her ''Good morning'' as usual.
>''How are you''
>Try to start a conversation
>Doesn't text me back
>I thought she was busy, so i didn't care.
>At night I text her
>She says that she was really pissed with me because I yelled at Rick the other day.
>I don't fucking belive it.
>His cunt mom called her and told her that I yelled at him to stop drinking.
> I KNOW IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
> Tell her what he said, and I was going to kick his ass, but i didn't.
>She doesn´t belive me and gets angrier.
>I tell her to ask him if she wanted to.
>She asks him.
>He says the truth and says sorry to her.
>She actually forgives him...
>I can't belive it but don't give it MUCH attention because she apologizes with me and I obviously accept her words.
>All good for now...
>When we see eachother it's the same... Get drunk and kiss, but she changed.
>When we talked in the phone or texted she was cold as fuck.
>Don't care because I loved her... She was the only woman that has ever loved me back so, it didn't bored me.
>1 month goes like this.
>But then, i texted her and she didn't replied me...
Girl I've been in love with for 8 months wants to leave me cus she's stressed about work.
Know the feeling OP.
What's funny is that all I miss is her cuddles at night. Im drunk as fuck and all I want is a hug from her. Sucks cus my depression is flaring up again and I just know it'd make me feel better if she was here.
Just want to scream right now.
You little punks want to know what REAL depression is?
I'm 43. My mom died when I was 28; dad who knows where the fuck. I haven't spoke with my sister in 10 years. I'm on disability. No job, no friends, no money, no hobbies and zero motivation. Holding a conversation longer than 5 seconds either makes me irrationally angry or suffer a full blown panic attack. The part of my brain that involves social interaction died years
If I would have killed myself 20 years ago people would have said "oh he had so much potential. What a waste."
Not now. I'm old. I'm tired. I'm fat. I really don't want to be here anymore.
go out with a bang. Go find a jewish bankers car and put a bomb under it
>back to Reddit you nerd
>back to Reddit
It's called exploring your own reality you fucking pleb
Piss of you don't belong here, baww threads are for tell our problem to each other not having some dickcheese basement dweller talk shit and say how much people should believe in "GOD"
Shit, I forgot to mention that she plays Basketball in three teams where we live, and she's crazy for it.
>She didn't replied me.
>When i saw her, she was more and more distant.
>Ask her if she loves me...
>Say yes but she couldn't have a serious relationship because she thought she was a bad person, ugly and shit.
(She always said things like that but I cheered her up with a kiss in the forehead or a really strong hug)
>But this time... it was different.
>I thought she loved me. So, It doesn't bother me at all.
1 Month later
>She is way to cold.
>But, keep talking with me.
>One day she says she has to go to L.A to a Basketball camp or some shit like that.
I always went to her games.
>It was cool for me. I was happy for her...
>I ask her how many days she will be out...
pls type fast and thread pls dont 404
>cus she's stressed about work.
>What's funny is that all I miss is her cuddles at night.
All my this anon.
My GF has a very stressful job, and I used to be the ear for her and try to help her out. But after 6 years of the same bullshit from her co-workers I just told her to quit. It was too much, I tried for ever but I just couldn't do it. It was a buzz kill every time she got home from work.
lol that pic is exactly me, went from having a normal room to being in the basement in the same time period.
basement is colder, less light, much less prone to social interaction/more private.
I havent been seen by anyone but my parents for years now, I think they might even tell their friends when they come over that I live on my own somewhere
It fucking sucks right? SHe hasn't even spoken to her friends in the past 2 weeks. SHe's shut herself off from the world and I think she's taking it out on me but I don't know. She's been taking sleeping pills and shit cus she can't sleep cus of her job but yet I take the flak. I just want to hold her and for it all to be ok again.
I know, and sorry. I'm a little bit drunk and i don't see well...
>She says two months
>It's not alot of time. We can handle the distance.
>''When do you go?''
>'in 2 weeks, i think''...
Since that, Shit changed.
>in that ''2 weeks'' she didn't hanged out with me.
>I was really pissed off and sad because, she had changed.
>She didn't go anywhere where I went.
>Didn't replied me when I texted her.
>She didn't invite me to her ''farewell reunion''.
>I wanted to talk with her about what will happen next.
>Invite her to the cinema
>we go and see a movie.
>I tried to grab her hand and hug like the old times but she didn't wanted to.
>I ask her why she didn't want.
>Start talking about her trip to L.A. and she didn't wanted to have a relationship and shit like that... to avoid me.
>We go out...
>I say that I will wait until she came back.
>She says 'no'
>I tell her I love her.
>''Anon, I know you are not like the rest of the other guys, you are incredible... But I'm like the others...''
reminding. be safe bros, and remember that it can get better if you let it.
Thread is going kill. Brothers, be strong, be selfish, be a dick if needed. Live, laugh when you can.
We will all go through it, we will all be happy at the end.
Just work on it, grab the rotten eggs life gave to you and make it into lemonade.
Then fucking drink it.
Meh, was out with mates, picked up a lass and had zero craic to talk about after the initial pick up.
In the taxi with her on the way home and i was fucking silent. Shit was awkward. She left me to go home alone instead saying she had work tomorrow. So bad.
>9882 ?>>563020163 >>563023369
>I Stay there... freezed.
>Late, at night, she text me something. But didn't read it.
>Go to my place
>Get some drinks
>the next morning we didn't talked.
>I text her to have luck, to be safe and shit like that.
>And that i still loved her.
>She doesn't replies.
>I missed her a lot
>Try to hang out with my friends and getting drunk, so I could kiss other drunk girls (Because it remind me of her)
>Try to hang out with my family
>But i missed her alot
>Try to distract me
>But I missed her a lot
>I couldn't sleep at night.
>But It didn't punched me out.
>Be 5 years ago i am living with my dad at 16y/o.
>he lived under someones house and i always watched this 8/10 come over every day
>I get to know her and we always hang out
>She is 13 years older then me with a husband and two kids
>I constantly think about her while masturbating.
>any way a couple of moths pass and i stay at her house sleeping on the lounge like every night.
>Hubby was always working so we hung out all the time. One days she say's do you like me?
>I could handle it the 2 months.
>my friends invite me to the cinema
>I say of course.
>take a shower
>get a text
>It's one of my friends... ''She's here''
>I don't go.
>She came back yesterday
And Tonight. She's out with one of my girlfriends in a party, probably kissing another guy...
/b/ros, I cutted some parts of the story because It's REALLY long, but I can tell you that I treated her like anybody has treated her in her entire life. Not even her parents... And I still love her...
Thanks for reading. I love you guys...
>inb4 sorry for my bad english
>inb4 massive faggot
>inb4 i will smash the head of ''Rick'' when I see him
>inb4 slow typer...
>I said yes
>"cause i really like you to" "i know we shouldn't but i have feelings for you anon"
>A couple of days pass and one morning i was in bed and i wake up with her sitting next to me touching my dick. She says have you ever fucked a girl.
>I say yes (even though i haven't)
>she says "come into my room" we fuck and it was the best feeling!
>Couple years pass and we still have sex very regularly, have so many good and fun times.
>Fast forward to my situation now...
thanks for the story, anon. I love you. Hope you meet someone better.
honestly though, friends are disposable. i've changed schools every 2 years since middle school and i have lost contact with nearly everyone i've met. most of my closest friends don't even play vidya with me anymore and it ceased to bother me because i won't talk to them ever again.
I don't even know what to say other than don't let it bother you so much. Cut her out of you life. It is probably hard, but I don't know. I never feeld love or anything like that.
Does it help knowing that she's not worth it and it wasn't meant to be?
>live with mom
>full time job
>not in the least bit depressed
i'm 27. depression is a state of mind kiddos. if you constantly seek for something better without being content with what you have (and more importantly, what you don't have) then you may as well keep bawwing. it isn't going to get any better.
>5 years later to now.
>She is breaking up with her hubby.
>She wants me to move out because "we shouldn't be doing this" and "I don't love you anymore, i don't have the same feelings"
>I still love her and i always will.
>I cant imagine how it will feel when i have to move out in a couple of days, and not see her.
>My mind keeps replaying all the good times we had and will never have them again.
Any ways that is my shit story telling.
it's been 2 weeks since I broke up with my 6 month gf. It might be for the best. But. I miss her. Things will pass
I hope dude. Hope all of us find something or someone worth for living.
It really helps, You are a lucky person. You know?
I think she isn't worth but sometimes the things that aren´t worth it are the most painful to cut from our lives.