I'm too sad to sleep I tried and couldn't stop crying, so instead I am going to start a feels thread and greentext why I am so sad.
You're not alone OP , there's an army of us out there doing what you're doing, feeling what you feel. I'm to drunk to be meaningful right now
That verification is bullshit when you've had way to much
Four or so years ago, I fell in love with a girl, more in love than I have ever felt for anyone before or since. For various reasons, it didn't work out. I tried to move on with my life, but it was difficult, as we had one of the worst breakups possible for me - we remained very close friends.
Finally, time moved on. I did something ridiculously stupid, and the fallout of that was not talking to her for several months. During those months, I met another girl. We got on like a house on fire, staying up till the wee hours of the morning, talking about god knows what.
I've been going out with this new girl for about a year and a half, and it's tearing me apart.
To her, I'm her everything. I am the center of her life.
To me, she's perfect, except for one thing.
She wasn't the girl I need.
Every time I tell her "You're the one," or "It's always you," I die a little bit on the inside, because I know it's always a lie. It's not her. It's never been her. It hasn't been anyone since that first girl, four years ago. It still isn't anyone except for that girl.
I'm not expecting anyone to care. Hell, I'm expecting hate and 'you're such a beta'. But I don't care. I've needed to get this off my chest for so long, and if I'm honest, /b/ is the only place I really feel safe to say it.
It's okay, dude. Just get that shit out of your system.
even though you may feel miserable you can consider yourself one of the luckiest persons on earth. It doesn't matter how you deal with it and if you deliberately want to feel sad it's up to you, just keep in mind there are a lot of people on this board who would actually kill to have someone you're that important to
>have decent childhood up until 4th grade
>the summer after 3rd grade, my mom had to move for her job
>go to new school and get bullied like I have the black fuckin plague
>mom verbally abuses me, drinks a lot.
>develop severe anxiety and depression
>make 2 attempts on my life
>I'm 18 now and have only 2 people that I can be in the room with and not feel anxious.
>have panic attacks when I'm in crowds
>I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do when I graduate high school
>everything is depressing and I'm scared of what's going to happen to me
I can't fucking spek anymore and i cant typiee and im shievring and i want tot cry
>tfw I hate every aspect of my appearance
>tfw I hate the sound of my voice
>tfw previous gf was emotionally abusive
>tfw no gf
>tfw bipolar depression has fucked up my friendships
>tfw I'm all alone and all I'll ever do with my life is get a minimum wage job and live in a studio apartment until I die or kill myself
My girlfriend, my first love of the last 2 (almost 3) years, left me. It broke my heart, she lives far away now and I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again. It's been two months, and I still struggle when I talk about her, my voice still cracks, I still have to fight back tears. I put all of my problems on her shoulders, I was/am an emotional wreck and I put the responsibility of keeping myself alive, on her. And when she needed me, I didn't try as much as she did. She put so much effort in, and some days I could see she was drained. She was always checking on me, knew when I wasn't myself and would hold me and kiss me till I felt okay. She didn't want me to hold back my tears. But I didn't treat her right, I took her love as some kind of privilege. Not for the gift that it was. I wasn't good to her, not nearly as good as I should have been. Sure, I tried to spoil her when I could but emotionally/mentally I was awful. And now because of my mistakes, I've missed out on the love of my life. The one person that made me happy to wake up, the girl I got to experience so many things with. The girl I wanted to spend my life with is gone, /b/ros. And she might be gone forever, and I don't want to live on without her. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet, is because she'll think it was her fault. She'll shoulder all of my pain again. She's the most caring and loving person. I can't hurt her like that, it'd destroy her. I want so badly to die. But I feel like it would break her if I did. Fuck.
Oh shit. Are you me? I'm on the exact same situation. But I've come to realize this. Instead of wasting time thinking that no one will ever be 'that girl', why don't you focus on yourself and stop stringing people along.
The past is over and done. Move on with your life and stop complaining what could have been and start carving out your future.
You identified the problem, which is a great leap in the way.
You are emotionally wrecked and didn't care about her as much as she did.
Was she her gf or your baby sitter?
A healthy relationship is based on equality, back and forth, give and receive.
As I said, get a hold on your emotions. Thats the first step, friend.
I'm 22. Just because she was my first love doesn't mean it was the first girlfriend I had.
I do love her, not for her care taking, but because of how she was the brightest, most incredible person. Inside and out she was perfection. But I became too reliant on her, and stopped trying to pick myself up on my own. It was so god damn stupid.
10 years ago:
Borderline personality disorder started. Cutting, smoking, junkie etc. Never home, always out partying. But still manage to get into a top high school.
5 years ago:
Drop out of high school. Couldn't even learn for a minimum passing grade. Drugs got worse. Tried suicide 3 times. Had friends die due to OD, abusive mother&father etc. Ran away from home. Lived alone at 14. Raped. Went into treatment for underage nut cases. Meet a guy there.
My borderline has been cured. Stopped cutting. In a loving and healthy relationship with current partner - guy I met at the nut case thing (he was there for minor social anxiety, he doesn't have it anymore). *femanon
tldr- stop whining and fight
fuck I'm crying /b/.
Being alone fucking sucks
I love this comic because there are at least two ways you could interpret it.
>1: he's a virgin for life who's playing scenarios in his head where he's loved, while he knows it will never happen.
>2: he actually had that girl but they broke up and now he misses her and is depressed about it.
Note: I am not from America or any other English speaking country. SO the names for my meds may be hard to find cause they're on my native lang. Sorry, don't know their english translations.
Fist I took Zolof and Ksalol.
Then I went to some private psychiatrist and got
Alventa 75mg, Lorazepam 2-5mg (depends but I think I went from 2mg min to 5mg max at some point, daily intake), some med I took for anger control, sorry I forgot its name.
Today I'm still on ALventa (anti depresant) and Lorazepam (for anxiety I think but Im not sure). He is slowly lowering my daily intake. I took them for about 2 years.
But therapy was main. Talking and analyzing myself. Contolling my emotions and learning to control them. Fighting my fear of abadoment... Was a long and hard road... But BPD got removed as my diagnosis so I'm pleased.
What I wrote was just little parts of what happened to me. I think I grew up the moment I was able to live alone at 14, work, feed myself, my dog and 2 cats. With a mental illness. Without parents help.
Thats very helpful actually, basically anything that ends in am is a benzo and is for anxiety. Anti depressants vary and according to my teachers/texts therpay + meds is most effective. Even if it feels the therapy is the main changing agent the meds increase chance of receptiveness to the therapy. Its good to hear it really helped you because the reason I want to be a psychologist is because people maybe damaged but they are not broken and with proper counseling/meds they can be put on the path to a normal life. Keep up the straight and narrow and stay happy.
I agree with you. They mostly say BPD isnt curable, but I think anything can be cured with a right psychiatrist/psychologist and, more importantly, patient willing to change how they view the world around them, how they think... (atleast for BDP). But I guess that can also work with other disorders.
Thank you for kind wishes and same to you!
Well not to sour the mood but really not anything can be cured but it can definitely be suppressed in a way that can lead you to live a normal and healthy life. Its important to keep up with therapy/medication and a healthy mindset because should you stop its very possible for symptoms to come back. With mood disorders especially people will stop taking meds all together because they feel fine and have symptoms return and hit them hard.
I hate you so fucking much. This is excatly my worse fear. Ive lost the only girl ive ever truely loved and the only person ive ever connected with. Im an attractive guy and since we broke up have gone from a 4/10 to an easy 8-10/10(its anon, i hardly get satisfaction from gloating). She was never the perfect girl in anyones eyes but mine. I got to know every aspect of her, she knew me better than anyone else. I get girls literally throwing themselves on me when i go clubbing. I have girls hitting on me multiple times daily. I could fuck five girls in the next two days with little to no effort. Yet its been a year since we broke up and im still fucking empty. Shes moved on from what i can gather.. she enjoys other guys now. Yet not one girl has even come close to being what she was. Thanks for confirming that even if i do find another girl to love, it will never be the same. Sorry for being a cunt, to any of you that feel suicidial or sad, keep going? Change yourself. Dont repeat the same mundane shit and stop telling yourself you cant be better. It takes time and effort but you can become a fucking god among men if you set your mind to it. Baww threads saved me from anheroing a year ago when we finally went our seperate ways. To any of you fuckers the best advice i can give is to keep going. Im fucking dead and miserable on the inside but i know most people would be happy to be in my situation and thats why i say keep going and remain strong. Its hard, go smoke so weed too, it helps numb the pain. I dont think ill ever kill myself but i dont fear death anymore, its just a release.
Hmm yeah maybe I should've been more specific. The disorders not caused by hormonal/biological mix ups can be cured with meds+therapy no matter what the textbooks say. I think mood disorders can be mainly biological thing? Not sure. Might be totally wrong. Nonetheless the patient MUST follow the therapy/meds he/she is given. I tried to avoid meds at first, ofc like most patients I've met, but realized later on that if I want a better life, I have to trust my psychiatrist. So I literally devoted my life to doing everything my psychiatrist said. He was never straghtforward as to say "Stop doing this, now" but he made me realize I should, for example, stop drinking alcohol. It was such a feeling of relief? Like, the decition to stop drinking came so naturally. And wasn't hard at all to stop drinking.
Whereas some of my friends had psychlogists tell them "STOP DRINKING OR bla bla" and they couldn't just stop. The psychiatrist/psychologist has to be very clever and sneaky so to say and make that decition to stop happen.
Also Im talking to my mom about this. She got instructions from a pssychologist to "just be loving and caring" no matter if im having anger outbursts and no matter what she hears me say (insults and such). The family support is also important. My mom changed a lot and was actually a big part of my recovery even though she was previously abusive.