How would you get away with murder /b/?

I wouldn't.

>>561528463
By committing the perfect crime

>>561528463
i'd put crows in a big cage and drive away. HA HA HA HA HA

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>>561528463
nice try

>>561528463

blame niggers.
nuff said.

>>561528463
I would kill someone then I would put them in someone elses already burried coffin.

It is a bit of work but it has always been successful for me.

>>561528463
By making sure that it looks like an accident.

Nicotine poisoning is easy today, just use vaper fluid.

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>>561529610

Get on my victim's computer, and do a bunch of internet searches on 'how to kill yourself with poison", log off, and poison the fucker

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>>561528463

3 ways.

>>random stranger
>>rat poison into drink
>>pic related

>>Kill
>>wrap in plastic
>>take innawoods
>>chop up, break long bones, shave head, knock out teeth
>>rewrap in plastic
>>Go for a road trip for the weekend with a convenient alibi
>>Tour the state, stopping at hoglots I find at random
>>redneckgarbagedisposal.jpg
>>burn clothes I was wearing
>>mfw the cops can't even find a body

>>Long-reach rifle
>>scope
>>suppressor
>>Clear day, low wind
>>Rooftop of a residential highrise
>>aim down
>>squeeze
>>police brass
>>break down weapon
>>wipe down weapon
>>dispose of weapon
>>keep grip section
>>submerge in acidic solution
>>bury in random place
>>forget

>>561529610
>it has always been successful for me.

> implying you're not 14 and thinking you're badass on 4chin

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>>561530062
pfft. Icepick to neck. weapon melts away

We would wait until her parents are asleep then we would sneak out and move to another state.
By "Murder" you mean that hot goth chick next door who says her name is "Murder" right?
Or were you going to try to get away with an actual group of crows?

>>561528463
it was easy...

>>561528463
I'd join the IDF

Just straight gangland style like on The Wire

Walk up to them in a dark secluded area, pop pop one in their head, leave the scene

Make sure no cameras are around

Leave the body for the cops to find

The more you overthink the easier it'll be to get caught

>>561528463
By not being a retard. Like 90% of murders remain unsolved, those committed by close relatives are almost exclusively the ones that sometimes get solved.

>>561529930
>>561530137

No I'm serious. I have murdered people.

I do it all the time.

>>561530896
10/10

This guy obviously doesn't know how to

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>>561531301
>mfw I forgot pic
>mfw pic doesn't relate to my face

>shoot some one
>police comes
>drive away
>mfw wanted level is gone after a while not seen

>>561531165
>confessing on a board infested with FBI, NSA, and cops.
>obvious underage/newfag

>>561528463
Killing myself. Nothing those faggots can do about it, plus I won't end up getting locked up.

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>>561529180
>Icy
>What
>You did
>Their

>>561529112
/thread

>>561531056
> bullet in head
> matches the rifling of your gun's barrel

hur durrrrrrrr perfect plan hurrrrrrr

The biggest problem is a simple one:

>I don't want to kill a random stranger just to kill someone
>There's nobody in my life right now I hate enough that I'd actually want to kill
>If, somehow, a new person enters my life that I absolutely despise to the point of killing
>I kill them, the police ask "who were their enemies?" and I'm automatically suspect #1

I'll just play Grand Theft Auto and kill a bunch of people that way, much safer

>>561531165
And I'm an actual dog! Woof!

>>561531571
I have confessed here before and I'm okay.

Its good to talk about, it is relieving.

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Also, making sure they're all dead, not like this dumbass
http://www.cbsnews .com/news/girl-who-survived-texas-family-shooting-is-hero-grandfather-says/

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I would get away with murder by not murdering anyone

>>561531754
I don't know enough about bullets and shit but I doubt its as simple as "well according to the way the bullet went in the head this is 100% anon's legally owned handgun". I think that's NCIS-tier forensics and much harder to match in the real world

Drive to the hood and buy an unmarked gun then, and ditch it later

>>561531754
Throw away firearm.

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>>561532081
shitty b8

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>>561528463
Id join the israeli army

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>>561528463
>I would ejaculate over the corpse & make bloody fingerprints all over the crime scene & leave traces of used cigarette buns i´ve smoked.
did I win?

>>561532641
ur l8 m8 8/88

>>561532560
I am not posting bait.

If a real murder sat at his computer and told people on this site that he was a killer they would assume that he is telling lies.

That is what is happening right now.

>>561532848
give us evidence faggot

I have thought about this a lot of time, I would cut the body into pieces, put it in a trash box, gasoline and put it on fire.

>>561528463
join the army

>>561532848
>If a real murder sat at his computer
whut?

>>561532912
No I do not have any, if I did I wouldnt be very good at my job now would I?

>>561532912
this


You're a shit troll.

>>561532848
And saying it's the truth doesn't make it an obvious bait?

>>561533047
typo my bad

>>561533085
confirmed teen edgelord

underage b& plz

>>561533085

why are we even arguing with you


dickheads like you thinking you're the shit

>>561528463
Murder someone I don't know, who doesn't know me and who doesn't even live in the same city as me.

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>>561529180

There was a thread where some fgt explain how do this but I don't have pics. You burn the hands so no fingerprints, teeth out, pulverize the body and when you get rid of the body (bury in desert for example) you do it in parts. Part of leg part of hand etc. No idea how to remove dna from body. Probably wash it (?)

>>561533202
>>561533240
>>561533256
I think you all have a sneeking suspicion that I am telling the truth.

Maybe thats why you reply.

>>561533085
> my job
Oh so your a hitman
well we dont hear that like once a week

>>561533495
dick pics or gtfo

>>561533495
I'm just waiting for someone to reply to my post, while arguing with an autistic 12 year with an over-imagination

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> bury body 6 feet deep
> put 3 feet of dirt in
> bury dead dog above body
> fill with dirt
The police will just think it's a buried dog when it's sniffed out while searching.

>>561528463
I dont know, by sending bad vibes over forchan to OP so he gets lobster and dies.

>Have friend light someone on fire.
>As burning man dies, I run up to him and punch him in the face.
Assist in murder with my bud.
And- oh yeah, I forgot.
I have no friends.

>>561533552
No I'm not a hitman. I am a private military contractor that sometimes takes out contracts that are not legal for the extra cash and so the killing counts as murder and or terrorism.
>>561533586
no

>>561533781
that's brilliant

>>561530336
If your icepick melts I would take ot back to the outfitter

>>561532087
Didn't Zombieland say something about Double-Tap i don't know if the rule applies to real life

Kill the person in a black neighborhood

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>>561533840
Well my job is cooler
im a space marine

>>561528463
nice try fbi

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>>561533085
that is the worst bait have ever read in my life..

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>>561533840
>No I'm not a hitman. I am a private military contractor that sometimes takes out contracts that are not legal for the extra cash and so the killing counts as murder and or terrorism.

yea sure you are you fucking cock sucker
still dreaming about a lightbar for your car/truck?
you fucking wannabe

>>561534024
Many people do contract work. Almost everyone from my old job (Marine Corps) now does contract work. The ones that don't went in special forces, mainly SBS.

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>>561533840
>I am a private military contractor that sometimes takes out contracts that are not legal for the extra cash and so the killing counts as murder and or terrorism.

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>>561533840
I'm in the Navy Goats. I could #rek you in 16 different ways, and that's just using my hands.

>>561528463

I'd join the IDF. Get to kill indiscriminately and anyone who criticizes me would be anti-semitic.

just to make sure this thread has at least one non-retarded method

> i've never killed anyone but this plan is fool proof

Your method of killing will be strangulation. You will use a sturdy nylon rope and a plastic shopping bag.

You start by picking a random person that you have no association with. Not a friend of a friend, a relative, or an enemy. No ties. Follow them for three days to learn their schedule. If no patterns emerge, follow for 3 more days and continue until you notice a pattern in their habits. When they're not home, enter their home through an open door or window. Unlock the door by lock picking if you need to, it's not very difficult and can be learned in a few minutes. Don't be seen, do this at night if need be.

Learn the layout of their home, where things are, where the bedroom is, et cetera. Be mindful of surveillance cameras. If you spot any, leave immediately and do NOT return. Look in the normal places for handguns or knives. If there is a gun cabinet, picklock it open and remove the guns. Disassemble them and bend the firing pins, and replace the guns where they were previously.

Break in about 10 minutes before they usually come home and prepare yourself for the kill. When they enter, sneak up behind them and punch them in the back of the neck as hard as you can. This will stun them and dampen their reflexes. Put the rope over their neck and begin to strangle them until they do not move, and continue for about 5 more minutes until either their face goes blue or a pulse is no longer detectable.

At this point, you will put the bag over their head and tie a very strong knot around their neck and tighten it to the point of strangulation once more. The knot around their neck will cause them to asphyxiate if you did not kill them previously, and the bag will ensure asphyxiation if your knot isn't tied properly. Lie them on their back, and stomp on their rip cage as hard as you can about 5 times.

Completely fool proof.

No known connections to the victim, making sure you dump it good in a place that cannot be tied to you. No fingerprints. Spending time checking out patterns of the person to find the perfect time. Have a 100% finished plan to follow and follow it to the best possible extent. Not talking about it afterwards or before. Not mentioning anything about anything regarding the murder/dumping of the body. If possible have some kind of an alibi, it's not gonna be needed if the connections aren't there.

>>561534236
>>561534264

>>561534219

>>561533840
You seem like a guy who actually wrote the navy seal copypasta

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>>561528463

Easy. Murder everyone.

>>561534548
post pic of your'self with weapon

>>561528463

See >>561525871

>>561531165
I could report you to the internet police or fbi right now.
They treat confessions about murdering people on internet very seriously.
Many people got police in their house because of this

If I post how, one of you degenerates is likely to copy cat that shit and before you know it, it's a fuckin csi episode. You're on your own

>>561534592
I am not telling lies.

But it is impossible for that to be proven right now.

I was hoping for people to ask questions about my life.

>>561534707
No. I am in a bar at the moment using the wifi on my laptop.

>>561534790
Do you know how retarded you are? Try getting attention from /x/ by pretending to be a serial killer. They're dumb enough to actually believe you.

>>561534940
how many people did you kill ?

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>>561534940
there is lots of weapons in a bar

>>561535005
I would not be arrested as a serial killer if caught I would be labled a terrorist.

But it is unlikly they would imprison me.

I have been caught before and got off with just a warning.

>>561528463
Like i did back in in Brittan 1888

>>561528463
by not talking about it online
/thread

>>561528463
with a farm, a basement and a fireplace, or with psicology, pushing someone towards suicide, like I did with my ex.

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>>561534790
dude how to become a contractor??
also: do you have/had PTSD??

how do you manage all the stress/killing??

>>561535035
Not sure I have been in the marines since I was 15 and ive been doing contract work for eight years now.

Probably thousands. If giving orders counts a killing then probably hundreds of thousands.

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>>561535152
>>561534940
>>561534790

> actually thinking anyone would believe you
> mfw

>>561535152
is your hitman name 'Shadow' by any chance?

>>561528463
have a alibi

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>>561535224
requesting greentext story about ex's suicide

here:
tits

>>561535314
I think his hitman name is XxSlipknotSepirothxX

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plastic barrel and hydroflouric acid

>>561535257
I first got employed by aegis defence as I knew people who already worked with that company and it was an easy in. But now I do more dangerous freelance work.
>>561535314
no

>>561535282
>I have been in the marines since I was 15
>in the marines since I was 15
>marines since I was 15
>I was 15

Nigger, are you even trying?

>>561535282
>Probably thousands


>If giving orders counts a killing then probably hundreds of thousands.

what are you??? a fucking nuke-shitter??

bullshit name me one conflict in the last ten years where so many people died

>>561535257
Oh as for stress and PTSD I never had a problem with.
>>561535617
I am English, you can enroll when you are fifteen going on sixteen if you fill out extra paper work.

>>561534219
And i slay heretics and xeno scum you dont see me bragging

>>561535663
Kill counts for a hostile country are usually mistaken, but they are high just use google.

Also a lot of conflicts are not news worthy.

Also I am 31 and have been in wars since I was 18.

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i'm not lucky enough to get away with murder, if i would've killed someone the guilt would fukn eat me up

also pic related

>>561535841
Youngest Royal Marines accept is 17, That's bullshit.

>>561536164
WINRAR

>>561536164
It depends on why and on your state of mind.

I used to think like that when I was young. But after my first kill I felt fine.

>>561531165
Wow! so murder, very worry!

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>>561528463

Here in Detroit, hundreds of murders go unsolved annually. Gangs don't talk to the police and when there's a drive by there's not enough men on the force to respond in time.

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>>561535005
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>561535282
>hundreds of thousands of people

>>561536283
I joined 16 years ago, I was under special circumstances because my father was a marine and I had been in navy schools/institutes since I was born. I filled out some paper work during highschool and I was accepted, I dont know the details it just happened, I was 15 and I was an RM recruit.

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>>561536536
Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark

>>561536514
if you give orders to many armed men some with artilery and armed aircraft you are gunna kill a lot of people.

>>561536123
hire me plz
wanna see the war/make money work on a high professional level with other crazy military dudes

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>>561536164
Capitalist basterd

in America?
be rich.

>>561536824
For most companies you need previous military experience.

It is not impossible to get work without it but it is very difficult. People will not take you seriously at all.

Providing janitor solutions.

>>561530062
Thank you for sharing

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>>561531165

Caaaaarl!....

>>561530062
please use a single >
no need to be retard ok

>>561536984
i was in the military for 4 years infantry

educated in urban combat, forest combat, anti-tank weapons, anti material rifles, distance shooting, close combat shooting, ambushes.

i just wanna see the war, make money and work on a high professional level with other people.

I'd recreate Double Indemnity except not get caught. That movie was the definition of the perfect crime and the only reason it failed was because of a character with some supernatural ability that wouldn't be an issue in real life.

>strangle person to death with cloth cord, snap neck
>take to middle of nowhere
>55 gallon drum
>put body in
>fill with boric acid
>walk away
>remove VIN, throw in boric acid, Torch car, throw license plate in acid

or
>strangle
>pig farm
nothing left

By joining the US army

>>561536536
>Don't know the details.

Your detailer explains everything, if you don't know your enlistment details, you don't pass the competency component of selection for your phase two selection.

I can rattle off every one of HMS I was on, the first three weapons I ever used by serial number and name everyone of my superiors during my contract.

I haven't even had 100 unconfirmed kills

Stop lying out your arse.

>>561537451
Just contact a private defence company.

Its just like any other job, to be freelance you require contacts, during my travels I met many people who needed helping out and I provided that.

The problem comes in with aiding people who are nationals of countries hostile to your own or to allies of your own.

It is a very serious offence but you can get way more money. You just gotta watch your back.

And you cant live in allied countries, ive not been home in 4 years.

Become rich white republican.

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>>561536536

>Is British
>Joined at 15
>Full life of Military/Navy schools.
>Father was also a marine.

>First employed by Aegis Defense.
>Friends inside.

>31 years old. In wars since 18.


You do realize if you're telling the truth about an ounce of this, you've given anyone with proper resources all they need to both catch and convict you, right?

>>561537727
>Boric acid
what is boric acid? and why can't I use sulfuric acid?

>>561537872
I am not going to say all that online, also I guess it was a lot easier for me.

>>561537946
I already have people trying to fuck me over and they have way more info than that and yet I am sat in a bar drinking shit beer and posting on 4chan.

>>561531480
Kek

>>561538316
give pics of the beer and timestamps

>>561537880

> ive not been home in 4 years.

ive not been home in 8 years got used to to it.

well this freelancer stuff what contacts do i need?

also: which company would you prefer to start/hire at??

>>561538424
I've already gone through this, I have no camera not even on my laptop and also cba if I did.

>kill person, idgaf how, it wouldnt be that hard
>chop arms, legs, head off
>chop torso down the middle
>dig 6 foot, narrow hole in my property out back
>stack body parts on top of each other in hole
>fill with dirt, plant flowers on top

police use satellite imaging to look at properties of suspects to look for body-sized holes, so make the hole small and plant a flower on top and theyll never know

No body, no crime; have a barbeque!

It always comes down to who you want to kill. Do you know this person - this makes it difficult at best because you have to appear not to have motive and almost everybody does. Do you simply want to kill someone? Simply kill someone you don't know that lives over 50 miles away. No reason to trace it back to you, even if forensic evidence is found, so long as you don't have priors.

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>>561530336

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>>561536872
Commie scum

>>561537178
Lägg av thomas

>>561538524
My first freelance job was for a french guy who worked as a drill guy in the foreign legion. My mate who was in the legion at the time told me he wanted someone taken from Afghanistan.

He had not been to war there but he had a brother who had and used to bang this afgan chick who was hot or whatever and they said if I got her out of the country and in to france they would give me 10 grand. So I did.

And that was it, all the formalities were done and I got payed. That was a legal job too.

As for companies whichever you can get into. First you will do security work mainly for international companies e.g. mining/oil companies.

>>561539250
I dident know they hade internet in 1939

>>561532912
GIVE US EVIDENCE YOU COMMITED A MURDER.

Jesus christ this kid must have some real reasoning problems.

>>561528463
i hope you aren't connected to the person you plan on murdering in any way.

>>561534161
so trolled. The bait has destroyed this thread.
& everyone responding lmao.

>>561539401
Just post one timestamped picture of yourself, and I'll believe you. Das it

>>561534406
Nah I dont like it.

>>561528463
hide the body in cemetary

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>>561529180

>>561528463
toss the body into a volcano. gg no evidence anywhere

>>561534752
Oh shit there's police in my house wat do? It's not like he's going to jail you fucking idiot.

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pic related

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>>561530896
Gold

I remember hearing about this kind of stuff, you gotta kill them chemically some how (Acids, legal injections, 4 Chan cancer) then dig a pit like in OP's picture, fill the bottom of the hole with lime stone, and the top and cover it in dirt, and the body will either decompose or dissolve due to some acidic property in lime stone. It's been a while so it's kinda vague

>>561539908
Nope, also im out now thanks for the convo guys im gunna get a bj from a thai ladyboy.

>>561536497
damn

>>561534264
im in the nave Rams ....whats up bitch?

Burn the body and then scatter the ashes in various bodies of water, garbage cans, etc.

>>561540221
Never underestimate the cyberpolice.

>>561540594
have fun

>>561541343
yes, maximize the places where evidence is available to be found. genius

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>>561528463
oh this is an easy one

>sign up for Mars One
>work around the clock to be the best physically and mentally for the mission
>become star applicant
>well liked in the public
>get selected to go
>launch to Mars
>on the way become everyone's best friend
>land on Mars
>make history
>set up colony
>spend 5 month getting the colony into ship shape
>everything's going well
>rip wires out of wall
>go around and strangle everyone else
>paint my face with there blood
>send communication back to Earth in the form of a video
>stand there naked covered in the blood of my crew mates with them hanging by there ankles behind me
>smile and slowly lean into the camera and utter 4 words

>your move law enforcement

>>561541959
yes.

>>561541959
lord edgington

>>561533781
Clever. A red herring if you will.

>>561541959
Haha yes
And do it after the point of no return for the second crew, when they are already on their way there for maximum shit-in-pants-yness

>>561536164
Where is the time-stamp? Ass goblin!

>>561530336
Retard alert

>>561531647
What did he do? I don't get it. I just woke up.

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>>561541959
GLORIOUS


i cant even imagine how many law changes/recruitment changes, campaigns, hysteria, racist debates, and conspiracy theories that would cause

>>561536497
wtf happened

>>561528463
>buy a huge amount of life insurance for the one you love, say over $1 million
>celebrate by going to dollar tree
>buy her beautiful porcelain cups for a dollar, cuz they are nice and cheap, only $1
>make her nice cup of joe, tea, so she can enjoy the nice cups
>years go by, she develops cancer
>she dies, you collect the insurance money
>you live happy with money and hookers
>she dies from cancer from porcelain made in china
>made in china, cups have a warning about cancer materials
>no one ever knows

>>561538801
you'd eat all the guts and shit?

>>561533840
Lel. New copypasta confirm.

>>561530896
Nice.

>>561534752
Consequences will never be the same

>>561528463
wait until the purge

File: WTC wajabi.jpg (95KB, 553x700px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 553x700px

I moider all those hamboigahs

then get away wit it

>>561543790
Make sausages

File: download (1).jpg (15KB, 258x195px) Image search: [Google]

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Step 1 Live in Arizona
Step 2 Kill the person it really doesn't matter how
Step 3 Put corpse in body bag
Step 4 Buy a good sized safe, put it in the back of car
Step 5 Shove corpse in safe, lock it, hide the key in the car somewhere safe
Step 6 Drive cautiously, don't get pulled over

In the case that you do get pulled over

Step 1 "License and registration please, blah blah blah"
Step 2 "I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle and search your car"
Step 3 Reply "I don't consent to searches"
Step 4 Police officer may or may not search anyway
Step 5 "What's in the safe?"
Step 6 "Personal items of sentiment, personal information"
Step 7 "I'm going to need you to open the safe"
Step 8 "I'm sorry sir, but the law requires that you need a warrant to open my safe"
Step 9 "Are you detaining me or am I free to go?"
Step 10 You will by now be able to leave because the officer has nothing else to do with you

Moving on

Step 7 Drive off the open highway into the uninhabited desert where no one goes when the coast is clear

Step 8 Cut up the body into pieces in a safe location (optional really but it helps in the long run)

Step 9 Bury the body in the sand. No one will ever find it, no one will ever look for it

Step 10 Shave head, wash up, get rid of evidence at all costs

Happens here all the time. It's the reason so many people are marked as missing instead of murdered and no one asks anymore questions

Have a nice day