ITT we are in a meeting and presentation and nobody prepared their shit.
Ok, meeting has started. It's your turn to talk. Any updates to share?
S-sir projections are high for this quarter and outlook is great a-and as you can see from the chart....u-uh Dan where is the chart?
>Thanks guys. Brad here. Uhhh... I was just looking over our most recent quarterlies, and I found some of the observations quite interesting.
oh for sure
I was also reviewing those most recent quarterlies
But I suppose that's more Janice's area of expertise, so maybe she wants to comment now... Janice?
>alright listen up niggers
>I run this business now
>I got pie charts
>I use the word synergy
YOURE ALL FIRED I DONT NEED A BUNCH OF BITCHES FUCKING WITH MY WORK FLOW NOW GET OUT
Here is the chart you are looking for
Alberto shut up, you are just here to bring the cofee.
Ok, people, the co,petition is crishing us. We need to zest up our shit. How do ze zest up our company? C'mon, think outside of the box.
What do people want? They want ZEST!
How can we zest up things
Well, yes, unfortunately our chart wasnt ready since the copier machine was not working, but Ill send it to you tomorrow morning, our files suggest a growth of 2.47% for this past quarter, I know its not enough but we just started implementing (insert business jargon here) to our vendors and it seems like its working, so for next quarter you will see an increment in the resolutions done by our sales departments as well as lower cost for production... (fake grin)
Weren't you sick yesterday too; Robert?
EXCELLENT WORK TIFFANNY. EXCELENT.
Heaven, its you again... I still remember the other day, how you called me. But let's not talk about that at work, this is a professional setting.
Ok people, how do we zest thing up? What would Steve Jobs do?
We can try zesting things up with this.
Oh, thanks. I know, that's what I've always thought. I like you Ted.
Tell me more about this... oh wait... projector does not seem to work.
Can somebdy PLEASE CALL IT? ASAP!
We buy the same lemons as everyone else, and we take the skin off to make 'em look thinner. We start calling them economical, efficient, ergonomic or some shit like that. Then we resell them at a 300% mark up. We market it to hipsters and college students.
ALRIGHT FAGGOTS GET ON THE GROUND THIS IS A ROBBERY
Zests ams nots what the peoples am wanting. They are wantings zaz! We are needings to makes things zazzy! And we are doings that with a awesome laser lights shows, ands kick ass guitars solo, and free booze ands pretty ladies for yous to stick your you-knows-whats into... ands I wants to rides in on a dragons!
Oh, Peter, I see you brought your kid again...
Hey dear, can you go play outside. Your daddy is in a meeting.
Sit down and shut up.
PUT YOUR WALLETS IN THIS BAG AND THEN WE CAN ALL FORGET ABOUT THIS
Oh look how cute, Peter Jr. is going to 4chan
Hey little Peter, please go play somewhere else, grown ups are creating zest here.
Ok PEOPLE, Keep ideas coming. Let's think outside the box. How do we INCREASE SALES?
WHAT DO COOL YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE THESE DAYS? Is the gameboy still a thing?
but all i have is my steam wallet.
Will that work?
>quietly challenges the ceo to an arm wrestling math while listen to brad drone on about synergy and shit
>turns into an all out table braking shitfaced brawl in the break room
>spilled the decaf
Dear god, Tiffany's stupid kid is here too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE IT GUY??? Projector is broken!!!!
Who wants to tell the faggot that we know he is holding a toy gun?
WE MUSD USE MORE SPURDO! :DDD
AND WE MUSD INGREASE SALES BY, BASIGALLY, SELLING OUR PRODUGDS DO FUGING HIBSDERS WHO LIGE DADOOS AND RAYBAN GLASSES, DO DO DHIS, WE MUSD USE SDUPID GUOTES BY HIBSDERS :DD
This is business, people die in business; no big deal.
I will ask one last time,
250 000 a year. But I cant discuss that actually
I dont find my presentation. I think I did it with power look, or out point or something. How do I present my slides?
Hey boss, I got my plastic surgery from taking a shotgun to the face and I'm back. I saw the IT guy on the way in and told him the projector was broke, but I think he was scared of my disfigurement.
FAKE IT GUY REMOVE.
REAL IT GUY STRONK REMOVE FAKE FROM PREMISES
Interesting, foreign guy, interesting.
Was it ABSOLUTELY necessary for you to leave in the middle of the meeting?
Well...Uh It turns out a nigga moment is the 3rd leading killer of black males behind Pork-Chops and F.E.M.A.
For the sake of your sanity, disregard my colleagues.
In the interest of time, I will not explain how retarded they are.
However, what I will explain are how this company's decline in value has forced me to play a card I've been wanting to play for 10 years now: You're all fired.
I added a clause in the contract you all signed allowing me full access to your personal bank accounts and purchases.
Your incompetence has apparently served you all ill.
This meeting is now adjourned.
Please leave your clothes in the basket next the exit on your way out.
Sorry I'm late guys. I got caught up sorting through all the pictures of ladyboy prostitutes I fucked in Thailand.
My report? Oh, uhhh.....business seems pretty good over there.....as you can see on this graph I....uh......yeah, honestly, I was too coked up to go to any of the meetings I had scheduled. I ended up in a brothel somewhere in the countryside and kinda woke up 9 hours later with a dead hooker in the trunk of my rental. Other than that, shit went pretty smooth. The flight was kinda long, but nothing I couldn't handle popped up.
I got a proposal: Let's all become IT guys!
>You're all fired.
Hey, Im the CEO. I read the contracts, legally he IS ACTUALLY ALLOWED to do that
Sorry, meeting is over, we are all out of jobs
All right go-uys we're almost done , but it's my duty to inform you that we're about to implement a downsizing of personnel at the end of the month due to a new "diversity" program. Oh! I almost forgot, given the current events you have to sign this form stating that you stand with Israel, don't worry about it, it's just protocol.
Ha, the joke is on you, I don't even work here and I never signed any contract. What now fag lord?
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
And suddenly, we're all cats.
>captcha: and rceicat
What the desu did you just fucking desu about me, you little desu? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my desu in the Navy Desus, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret desus on Al-Desu, and I have over 300 confirmed desus. I am trained in desu warfare and I’m the top desu in the entire US armed desu. You are nothing to me but just another desu. I will desu you the fuck out with desu the likes of which has never been seen before on this desu, mark my fucking desu. You think you can get away with saying that desu to me over the desu? Think again, desu. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of desu across the USA and your desu is being traced right now so you better prepare for the spam, maggot. The spam that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your desu. You’re fucking desu, kid. I can be desu, desu, and I can desu you in over desu ways, and that’s just with my bare desu. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed desu, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Desu and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable desu off the face of the desu, you little desu. If only you could have known what unholy desu your little “desu” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking desu. But you desu, you desu, and now you’re desu, you goddamn desu. I will shit desu all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking desu, kiddo