IT'S FUCKED UP, /b/. IT'S FUCKED UP.
NO I'M FUCKED UP.
IT'S ALL FUCKED UP, /b/.
>Be me getting home from work.
>Still lives with parent at 22 years old.
>Gets undressed because hot as balls.
>Go to room and lay down.
>Start rubbing my dick.
>Going to jack off.
>Need to find pen first to write something down I just thought of.
>Go to mom's room.
>Know she has a pen always on her bed side table.
>Turn around but bump into her pillow.
>Bottle falls and rolls on floor from under pillow.
>Pick bottle up.
>"Bad Dragon Cum Lube"
>Cringe and put it back and go to room.
>Get back up before sitting down.
>Got back to mom's room to pick lube up.
>Go back to room and use lube.
>Best fucking nut I've had in ages.
I WANT TO DIE, /b/.
I USED MY MOM'S LUBE.
BAD DRAGON CUM LUBE.
>Keep still after nutting.
>Staring at ceiling.
>Look down to lube bottle beside me.
>Clean off hands and dick.
>Put lube back where/how I found it.
>Mom still isn't home.
>Definitely understand what bad dragon is.
>Want to throw up a little but goes back to mom's room to look for dildos.
FUCKING PICTURE IS RELATED, /b/.
IT'S FUCKING RELATED.
IT'S ALL FUCKING REALLY FUCKING RELATED. /b/.
MORE PICTURES FOLLOWING.
WHAT THE FUCK, MOM.
WHY DO YOU NEED THESE FUCKING THINGS.
NICE FUCKING LUBE THOUGH.
FUCKING SERIOUSLY FUCK THOUGH.
SHE REALLY FUCKING OWNS THESE FUCKING THINGS.
Oh man, whether real or not, pic definitely related.
IT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING HORSE DILDO. BUT I DON'T THINK HORSES FUCKING HAVE THOSE FAT THINGS AT THE BASE OF THEIR DICKS LIKE DOGS DO.
Holy fuck OP I thought this was gonna be the same ol shit about somebodies parent finding their dildos, didnt expect the other way round.
It's not that big of a deal you crazy bastard
your mom craves monster cock filling her wasteland of a cunt
not that uncommon
Congrats OP. Your mother isn't a pimple faced neckbeard virgin like you. Believe it or not, that's how your pathetic crybaby ass was conceived.
Get over yourself. Or do us all a favour and invent a time machine, so you can go back and punch your whore mother in her big fat overhanging gunt.
Then maybe I will be spared posting in response to the most massive faggot in history.
You know what you have to do now right, OP?
You have to replace the lube you used.
It's only fair, it's only right.
Masturbate to ejaculation into the bottle to replace the lube you stole.
Top lel Brah.
Reminds me of the time I found a butt plug in my moms room. Also found a dildo in the washer.
THEY"RE ALL HER'S. I DON'T EVEN THINK I COULD DO THAT SHIT. I CONSTANTLY HAVE TO SHIT. I SPEND MY MONEY ON FUCKING ACTUAL FUCKING USEFUL SHIT. LIKE BREAD AND MILK AND EGGS AND CEREAL.
FUCK NO. I USED THE LUBE. THAT WAS TOO FAR ALREADY. IT'S THE EVENT HORIZON. I CAN"T FUCKING RETURN FROM THIS SHIT.
Before she gets home, place all of the dildos and lube on your couch and say hello to her as calmly as possible while sitting next to the dildos. If she asks about them pretend like you don't even know the dildos are there.
lol dude thats a dog dick-dildo... do you have a dog? chances are it has fucked your mom.
I THOUGHT IT WAS HOLDING SOMETHING TO IT. THIS FUCKING THING CAN SHOOT THE LUBE LIKE ACTUAL LOADS. FUCKING HELL.
I dunno what to tell you anon, your mom has the sexual appetite of some kind of mythical beast, like a dragon or a she-orc
heh, and I thought it was gonna be a slow night. Post time stamp so we can laugh at your misery.
OP, many things should be going through your mind.
First off; "How can I hide a camera in my mom's bedroom to help the fapping of /b/?"
Second; Why aren't you considering epic wincest? C'mon. Show her that you know about bad dragon and she'll fuck you. Do it.
TWENTY FUCKING ONE, DUDE. I ALREADY POSTED THAT SHIT.
Me and a friend found his mom's dildo collection when we were teens, she had an entire duffel bag full. Also lesbian DVD'S and shit. There was shit in there I never thought could exist. Over 20 dildos. Dude's brother bet him 20$ to put one in his mouth. Ended up making it 50$ because he put one that was for both holes in his mouth. After that we started making jokes at his step dad.
Get over it.
She likes to masturbate like every other human being on the planet.
Those dildos may look weird but they feel awesome. Bad Dragon makes good stuff.
Ask your mom if she has any coupon codes so you can get a dog pussy.
Thanks for the laugh OP. I'm sure the apple doesn't fall far from the dragon dick loving tree.
Aquire ultimate enlightenment.
But srs though, take that canine knot like the whore you are.
totally cereal about cumming in her lube OP. The sperm will die in relatively short order, and you get to cum inside your mom via some fake horsecock. talk about a once in a lifetime opportunity
Guess what OP, chances are that your moms pussy juices are in that lube that touched your dick.
There's a good chance your dad used this to jack off as well, then dipped his dirty cum covered hands in the lube container, that also touched your dick.
In short, you're a sick faggot OP.
Welcome to /b/
This is the best idea I've heard in ages
sucks double for ur mom cause it sounds like ur not even half the man you should be in order to even fill out ur dads shoes halfway.
man up and tell ur mom u love her. and if she needs you to do something, get off your masterbaiter ass and handle it
>Small Tucker and small Xar.
I don't see why you have an issue with this. It's good quality water based lube and the dildos are high quality expensive silicone.
Use it as blackmail by threatening to show her friends and make her suck your dick. It's just the right thing to do...
It's a hybrid dog/horse dildo.
Don't forget horse.
If this ends up on a best of /b/ thread one day.... Hey guys
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THERE WAS FUCKING HAIR ON THAT SHIT.
Jizz in your mom's lube, it's the only choice.
SORRY ABOUT THE TYPO ON THE ORIGINAL POST. SHIT HAPPENS. LIKE THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT DRAG DILDO SHIT IN YOUR MOM'S ROOM HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
come on mother fuckers...this is so close to becoming a legend thread...It's at gold...lets make it platinum...op wait in front of your front door. when you mom comes home spray the cum in her face from the dog horse dick thing. then yell I'M A BAD FUCKING DRAGON. and then piss yourself...post results
OP should deep throat one.
The mother juice will be in you and you shall be together as one.
It takes years of practice.
Probably closer to $200. Especially if they were premade or had small defects
Buy another. Losing a BD toy is like heresy.
Um yeah, OP, we're going to need to see a pic of your mom
well the largest of the equiknot there with all tteh extras is ~$200 not sure about the other ( a clayton maby?) but seeing as it doesn't look like the equi is the largest one 400 is a fair bet
OP you cum inside the dildo that is meant to shoot the dragon cum, profit.
I'm planning to i'm building a new pc right now + i just brought into the archeage beta i already have 3 to fall back on just the knot in my tucker felt so good i miss it T-T.
be nked in front of your mom sucking on one of the dildos saying "yo taste good mom"
Pic of your mom OP
You have the potential to be a legend
I was at my friends house and he wanted to steal some money so we could go out and party. We go up to his parent room and he goes an grabs $300 and then we both look around a bit and he found a box full of his moms viberaters and dildos under the beside the bed.
Where is your mother right now OP?
Out gagging on miles of nigger dick, that's where. She got tired of barnyard animal genitals and now needs a real savage animal to fuck her.
>OP's new adopted name will be LaQuonda
Ok OP, I have a mission for you. You said that one of her dildos shoots fake cum, well you need to fill it up with your actual cum and get your mom pregnant. She will be SO FUCKING CONFUSED dude, it's gonna be great. She'll get an abortion, so no need to worry about inbred kids. It will be FUCKING LEGENDARY!
My Equiknot was $115 with suction cup and cumtube.
Damn, that's genuinely too nice a line of thinking for this board.
Wtf are you thing /b/ro.
>gain maximum gift cred
>tfw dick is like a human hybrid of this toy collection
I approve of your mom's tastes.
>tfw still lol
Soft is my only regret with it. It's too squishy.
Why did you go back to your mom's room looking for more dildos?
I actually have both those types...
Ordered this as a surprise me and got this "fabulous" thing.
I'm not really mad about it, I'm just not sure what is harder to explain. A guy having a dildo or why it is colored like a gay pride rally.
how could i have missed this thread
best 1 of the day
They don't even know what's going on.
Also, too lazy to sage now.
>having poor genetics for teeth
>not even sucking it
>biting a horse kock
OP you need to slap those things on the kitchen counter and secretly film your moms reaction
this is the only way i will believe you
this guy is so torn up about finding his mothers jizzing horse-stick and dagron cock, only way to cope with the situation is to start licking it and shit
Eh, there's a small chance a few sperm may remain viable. She'll probably use it tonight like the filthy horse-slut she is. Odds aren't good, but stranger things have happened. Definitely within the realm of possibility.
Good thread OP - keep going to see how golden you can make this thread.
>mfw this thread
cum in the lube and my life is complete OP
Did I forget to mention it has goddamn gold sparkles on it?
or better yet
Cum on the dildos so that she knows someone knows about them. Either she confronts you about it, and has to admit she has them, or she stays silent just in case she thinks there is a possibility you did not do it (maybe your friend did or something)
mind fuck either way
>this thread is so full of summer
Did you just pay for custom split color and ask for rainbow? Or is there some special way to get a rainbow one?
Medium firmness and make sure to get one you can actually take. I highly recommend suction cups. There is nothing better than riding one stuck to a shower wall.
>nah man. XL flared Chance
Eh, I have a vibrator because a female friend of mine writes for a sex blog and they send her free shit. She gots some extra stuff she didn't need and just dumped it on me. Haven't used it, just figured I'd keep it around, might be fun to use when I have a girl over sometime.
Small Nox is probably your best bet tbh.
My eyes are bigger than my ass...I ordered several meds but so far the only one that I can fairly "easily" use is the small Nox.
Even something along the lines of a small Xar is too big for me currently.
>so many dragon dildo experts in this thread
But shits and giggles will be given but is a huge chance that OP owns those dildos amd he's being autistic and he's getting epileptical autistic pseizures because this is his first renting bed he has ever made.
>inb5 i wunt3belive
BUT OF COURSE! cant go without the glitterrrr!
yeaaaaa... i think i'd start the explinations with a non glitery rainboy toy, THEN try to explan that random colors is an option...
Wherever this thread goes, don't call her out on the OP.
It'll just humiliate her and it's none of your business anyway.
Make fun of the shit all you want, but don't tell her you know about it. That'll be just fucked up.
I didn't ask for anything...
It was a "surprise-me" and boy was I surprised.
The other 3 surprise-mes that came were disappointing in comparison.
A blue/black small Equinot and a pink Kippy and Clayton.
God I fucking hate you humans...
I really don't get it.. did you think your mother... a human female... did not cum... or think about cumming... or masturbate... or anything? Befoe this she just sat there thinking about flowers and fucking making peanut butter sandwiches???
i dont know why but i just want to jerk it off even though its not real or has a cum tube it just seems fun to touch and hold
Whelp I wouldn't recommend a small Xar then...that thing is quite large.
Maybe small Equinot? Fuck if I know. Med david, Kippy, and Small Xar are too large for me to knot right now. The small Tucker I was able to.
OP needs to post pics of your milf mother. Do it faggot. Also props for putting your moms dildo in your mouth lol but you gotta do it for real none of that pussy biting shit it has to touch tongue lolol.
Fuck you OP you beautiful motherfucker.
Deliver and be legend.
Hey OP, how does it feel knowing that you have supressed sexual desires for your mother. That you even stuck an item your mother inserts in her pussy/ass in your mouth, and even licked it. How's life going to be for you in the next years? how will you confront your mother op?
Holy shit that is the best "surprise-me" ever.
The only "surprise-me" I ever bought was one of the d20s they had available for 2 weeks. It came in fleshy pink with green glow in the dark.
you think ops mom is home now? and thats why no post?
This will go down in history. Cum in that shit OP