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crimes you've committed storytime thread
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

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crimes you've committed storytime thread

ill start (shoplifting)
>be me
>14 or 15
>be betafag obsessed with clothes
>bring newfag friend who's also obsessed with kiddie swag
>first stop, a shop called "Cotton On"
>walk in, start stealing shit
>stole a bunch of cardigans and shirts
>no one notices shit
>constantly stuffing shit into a backpack
>walk into the ultimate fag store, zumiez
>steal sunglasses like the betafag i was
>final stop, the vans shoe store
>me and betafuck friend acting suspicious
>friend tries to slyly sneak shirt into bag
>overweight femitumblr looking employee catches us
>we gtfo out of store
>our faces were full of fear
>fuck that, nope dont wanna go to jail
>we still stole like 100 dollars worth of shit from shoplifting that day

To be honest, there's a sort of addicting adrenaline rush going through your body when you're shoplifting. I'd totally do it again but I'm too much of a pussy and law abiding Joe to do it.

Also: my friend shoplifted a fucking LONGBOARD from a skate shop. Employees were too stoned or some shit to notice. Just walked out of the door with one

pic somewhat related. was me during freshman year high school days, but am not a spic and wasn't that much of a faggot
ok here's mine
>being a bigger faggot than OP

try again
>wasn't that much of a faggot

Nice try
Bump for potential.
> girl catches you stealing
> must be tumblr feminist
goddam you're sad
Literally what I was going to post. OP is pathetic
>be me
>wanting to be cool cat kid and do drugs
>befriend pot users in neighborhood
>eventually meet even bigger and bigger drugheads
>they want to get me fucked up on K2
>abandoned house
>drink, smoke, etc;
>we get into it and i trip ballz
really not exciting but it's a crime supposedly
>be me
>be like 8
>go to dollar store
>steal those tiny rock things the ones that were different colors
>had a collection
>shit was cool, yo
shoplifting, done every drug known to man, car hopping, assault, vandalism, theft, false info to a police officer, trespassing, criminal mischief, 7 probation violations, and that's all I've got caught for.
Boy you're cool. Teach me the ways.
>be me
>high school
>steal food from canteen (cafeteria for you amerifags) every single day
>graduated without being caught
>shit was cash
>be me
>go to walmart
>take photo of a $20.00 pot UPC code and go home
> Upload photo onto computer, print photo onto sticker paper
>cut out Printed UPC paper and go back to Walmart
>find $100.00 stew pot and cover that UPC with my printed UPC
>purchase stew pot for $20.00 at self checkout
>returned the stew pot that same day at a different walmart as a no bill.
> got $100.00 Walmart gift card that day.

Would do this method for various items
Lying to a cop is not a crime, you dumb shit. Also what exactly is criminal mischief?
false information to a police officer is a crime, I've been charged with it look it up. Criminal mischief is the same as vandalism but to a larger extent making for a higher cost in damages.

It's funny how this is turning into a moralfag website

you're on /b/ for gods sake
>university charges a ridiculous amount for a parking pass
>didnt buy one
>parked anyway

Yeah I guess you could say I'm a badass
>Steals shit from 3 different shops
>vans shirt

$100 only?
It's when you create mischief in the city and get caught. For example breaking windows, fucking around and knocking over pilones which stops traffic, spray painting, etc.
>be 18 in college dorm broke as a joke
>roommate is 21, broke nigga also
>decide to start shoplifting alcohol
>do pretty well by hitting different stores
>at safeway one afternoon
>i get bad vibe and roommate does also
>annon pussies out and puts everything back
>roommate is confident and puts stuff in wal mart bag he brought
>walk out front door
>"safeway security. come with me"
>LP grabs roommate by shirt and drag him back in
>annon walks away like it didnt even happen
>roommate is caught with paper towels, frozen chicken, 2L of pepsi, and bottle of vodka
Good times in college. Dropped out after freshman year

probably a bit more
cotton on is a cheap aussie store though
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How can I monetize this?
Yea, and stupid is stupid - I'm guessing you are too. If I was a "moralfag" I would have just called him out on the theft you retard.
Walmart giftcards are easy to sell man, think about how many people shop there. Also, you could always purchase items and then just sell those on eBay or some ahit, or go and purchase one of those prepaid credit cards from walmart.
>be me
>go to Meijer's
>put 60" TV in cart
>walk it out to truck
>go home and watch awesome new TV
Yes it is, you are a fucking idiot. Keep your mouth closed on anything regarding law fir the rest of your life.
>Be me
>Go to wal-mart
>Steal $250 dollar headphones
>broke in a month

elaborate on the assault charge
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>a bunch of cardigans and shirts
>like 100 dollars worth of shit that day

Faggot went to Old Navy and stole some t shirts and plastic sunglasses, gtfo OP.
There's a reason why the police say "anything you say can be used in a court of law." Do you think they just say that ahit because they are bored? Their getting a laugh out of it? No, it's because they are recording you, and whatever you say will can be used to criminalize you. So unless you are a fucking lawyer, or your knowledge on law is on par with lawyers, then don't say shit if you get arrested.
I've shoplifter for a few years after that never been caught. Just kind of stopped cause it didn't give me a rush anymore it was just second nature.
>Be me
>14 yo
>Have stupid faggot friend
>His family is poor, mom and dad
>He could go outside anytime he wants and no one would even say anything to him
>You couldnt let anything to his sight or he would try to steal it
>Gets bad reputation
>I hang out with him because even if he is a little thief piece of shit he is a cool guy, extremely loyal to friends and family
>One day, his neighbor goes to vacation or something
>He has access to his house from the backyard
>Goes in the house, steal some pantys a GBA SP and some other shit
>Neighbors come back, they notice the shit left and talk to his parents asking if they know who could be it (its kinda obvious they knew it was him since he already had bad reputation)
>Guy tells asks me to go to his house the next day and tells me about it, shows me the stuff he robbed and tells me he is nervous and shit
>Talk for a while, then he goes to the bathroom
>I dont really know why, but i took the gameboy and put it in my pocket
>First time i do something like that, but i leave it in my front pocket in case he asks i could just tell him i forgot i put it in there and just hand him back
>Talk for a while more, he doesnt notice and i go home with it
>He gets in a stupid fight with his brother, so he tells them everything
>They push him to give everything back, obviously he cant find the GB but they think he is lying
>Parents force him to work to afford a new GB, he cant go outside except for work and school
>Everybody thinks of him as a pervert and no one would talk to him
>Dont talk to him again, i just chatted with him like 2 months later telling me his life has been a hell
>10 years later, i still have it, the battery doesnt work anymore tho

I kind of feel bad about it, however he used to steal yugioh cards from me so we are kinda even
And i will never get my exodia back ;_;
how to not get caught
Once, I had sex in the missionary purpose for the sole creation of proposition
>Be 12
>Just moved to new town in Arkansas
>Meet new friend, Trevor (soon to be /b/tard. He shows me /b/)
>We decide to ride bikes
>Get bored so go to his house and get a bunch of water baloons
>Ask other neighborhood kids if they want to have a water ballon fight
>They don't want to
>We don't want to look like fags by only having a water balloon fight with 2 guys. That's THE definition of gay to our 12 year old minds
>Trevor says, "Hey let's throw these water ballons at cars. I do it all the time with some other random guy
>Hide behind a brick fence that sections off the neighborhood from the main road
>Take turns peeking over the fence and telling when the other person should lob the balloon
>Trevor looks over the fence and his friend's mom sees us and call the PO PO
>Trevor sees that it is his friend's mom's car
>He says we need to GTFO
>We ride across the street to my neighborhood
>He says we need to go inside somewhere
>We can't go inside my house
>He says we should ride through adjacent neighborhoods to snake our way back to his house
>I say "No fuck that. Let's just ride really fast over the street and book it to your house. There is only a few second window of the cop being there and seeing us."
>We do my plan
>Just our luck, the cop comes at like 60 mph with his sirens blaring, does a drift, stops and catches us.
>"You boys throwing water balloons?"
>"We got a call about Trevor here getting seen throwing 'em. Now we can handle this like boys or like men. Y'all choose"
>I look at Trevor confused thinking we have to suck this guy's dick or something
>Trevor says "Like men"
>Cop gives us a card saying that our parents have to call the station number by sun down otherwise we are in real trouble
>Parents call
>Get in trouble for a few days

We should've just gave a neighbor 10 bucks to pretend he was our dad or something in hindsight.

Oh well.
Me and Trevor and all the neighborhood kids got in so many more shenanigans if yall want to hear
Don't look at your hands when you steal and don't be a paranoid. Works everytime
Just blend in, if you show up to walmart in a fucking trench coat on the hottest day of the year then you might seem suspicious
I'll try to make it short: vandalism and petty theft
>at highschool
>punk kids hitting vending machine
>many years ago this happened, no monitors in cafeteria where we were
>hilarious idea
"hey need some help? back the fuck up I don't know if this will fall over"
>put about 50 feet between me and vending machine
>despite being fit-fat I can sprint like a motherfucker
>hauling ass towards machine
>slam my 270 pounds into it
>hilarious noise
>another hilarious noise
>lots of hilarious noises all at once
>vending machine started puking money out of the change return
>started throwing chips and cookies and lifesavers in a gesture of surrender
>pocket about 17 dollars before I get the fuck out
>take some sour cream and cheddar chips for my trouble
>nobody snitched on me
>week later machines gone
>monitors everywhere in cafeteria
>nobody suspected me since I was a good-natured chubby kid
>be me
>be 14
>fucking poorfag
>decide I want a new computer
>no monies because poorfag
>cannot work until 16
>want this computer so fucking bad
>friend and I need monies bad
>he wants to grow/sell pot
>too risky I say
>decide on a better plan
>we case the shit out of houses for a while
>mid-tier neighborhood
>people not rich enough to have neighborhood watch, but not so poor that they have no good shit
>wait until they go on vacation
>fucking 4 empty houses
>all went on vacation at the same time with eachother
>gonna be gone for like 4 days
>wait until 2 AM
>the first house is two floors
>sneak in through the back window
>remember skulking through a house with no flashlight
>dark as fuck. Really intense being in someone else's house to steal shit
>tell my friend no big electronics or anything
>go upstairs to the master bedroom
>see a brown wooden box on a vanity
>open it up
>jewelry sky high
>take as much as possible
>my friend takes the small TV in their bedroom
>we are out
>we hit the other 2 houses but skip the last one because of the dog
>similar results. Lotsa jewelry
>take it all to a couple different pawnshops in a few different towns
>make about seven hundred dollars
>split it
>we do this more and more
We did this for about a year and never once got caught. We must have made about 15k from all the shit we stole and sold.
i usually steal two packs of eighteen beers when im drunk with my friends from seven elevens, just go in like pretending to buy grab em and walk out of the store and get on the car, 7/10 of the times they never realize....
oh man I saw a fucking gomer at Walmart just yesterday wearing a fucking huge leather trenchcoat and a god damned fedora. I was with my equally gigantic brother and was feeling cocky so I was audibly making fun of him as we passed. He obviously heard me and turned to look at me, but didn't say anything like a bitch.
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Only niggers try to blend in
>Walk in in neon shit
bet u still made no friends tho
>I look at Trevor confused thinking we have to suck this guy's dick or something
I kek'd

More stories pls
Here's another about me pooping in a box, writing "Happy Mother's day" on it and putting it on a neighbors porch.

>Be 12 still
>Trevor,13 or 14, while grounded from the water balloon incident, found Runescape and /b/
>Gets the entire neighborhood to start playing Runescape
>Some kid named Colin (Total faggot. Like 10 and like 4'9") tells all of us porchmonkey kids that he has this great item in Runescape but won't show any of us
>Keeps being a fag
>He eventually leaves but we all want to know what item he has
>Everyone is frustrated so we decide to pull some sort of prank on him
>The usual ding dong ditch is getting old
>We go into a half built house and just bull shit around and think ideas to fuck with Colin
>We decide to deflate his bike tires, loosen his handle bars, raise his seat all the way up and take his brake pads off
>I have to take a shit
>Noone wants me to leave so they just say poop in a cardboard box and leave it in the house
>I shit in the box
>Find a marker in the house
>A diabolical idea emerges
>I write "Happy Mother's Day" crudely on this beat to shit box
>Put on Colin's door step and ring the doorbell
>His dad opens the door
>Brings the box in the house
>I'm having a mini freak out I don't want to get in trouble
>Can't faintly hear "WHAT THE FUCK" from outside

Have more about how the dad finds out I was the kid who shit in a box and put it on his porch if yall want to hear

go on
Did you make eye contact with him? I was watching this documentary on discovery channel a few days again, and it said engaging and maintaining eye contact with a betafag is extremely rare!
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> be me
> be in 5th grade
> be early 1970s
> walk into kmart
> put life savers in my pocket
> walk out
> move far away
> ...
> ~~y~e~a~r~s~~p~a~s~s~~
> ...
> be me
> be mid-40s
> be a few years ago
> business trip near kmart
> walk into kmart
> select an item worth $0.50 in 1974 dollars
> pay for it
> walk back into kmart
> put item back on shelf
> walk out
> never return again

Debt paid, /b/.
A few months later...
>Colin invites me and someone else in the house for more air soft pellets or some stupid shit
>His dad is at the family computer in the living room
>On passing, Colin teases me saying, "You know I could tell my dad, anon..."
>'"Tell me what?"
>Colin says "You remember that Happy mother's day box?"
>The one that had the shit in it?
>"Yeah, dad, it was this kid who did it"
>I'm terrified
>"What the fuck come here kid. Don't you ever do that again you hear me! Gtfo out of my house"

I have a bunch more.
We were a little biker gang. Best part of my life. We had like 10 guys all 12 - 14 years old. It was great.

Some other stories
>Time I shit and wiped it on a neighbor's fence

>Time me, trevor and Garrett found an entire recycling bin of porn magazines and hid them in the woods in a dog carrier
I didn't want them as friends lol. I was in it for the destruction of property. We were simply enemies with a common goal. I beat the shit out of one of them 2 years later when an altercation got out of hand.
I was in a bike gang once. It was me and three other mexicans. I had the nicest bike so I rode in front. This guy juan used to go around and try to pick up chicks.
We fucked eachother. That's a different story though.
Where I've worked, we get this shit all the time. It might work a couple of times, but the employees will know and your picture might go in a book that lists your offenses, mannerisms, and whether or not it's enough to legally tackle on night.
No, I'm not making that up.
I'll just tell the porn mag one

>Me, Trevor and Garrett all ride to Garrett's house (Garrett and me live in a smaller neighborhood across the street from Trevor's neighborhood) to spend the night and play xbox
>My next door neighbor starts putting out his trash and recycling
>He doesn't usually recycle...whatever...
>Garrett spots some Guitar magazines in the bin and picks some up
>Suddenly hear, "Ohhhh YES Guys omg please guys OMG OMG"
>He sounds like he just went crazy and is having a stroke at the same time.
>Me and Trevor are like "whatever it's just old magazines"
>Garrett can't even talk and just blurts out "There is porn!"
>Reminds me of an old mining man shouting "There's gold in them hills!"
>He shows us a Hustler and a woman in full fucking spread
>I can count on my fingers at that time how many vaginas I've seen
>My and trevor have backpacks on so we stuff every single magazine in our bags and start wearing our extra clothes.
>I have on like 2 shirts and 2 coats
>We dump the mags at the side of my house until dark because Garrett's mom and dad are super christian and it wounld be too risky to take it in his house now.Not to mention we look retarded by wearing all of our packed clothes but our bags are completely stuffed
>We get to garrett's house and get a bunch of Wal Mart bags and wait.
>11 oclock now and we sneak outside his window
>Put all the mags in the bags and ride to the woods and hide them

There is more to this story if yall want to hear
you sneaky pete that's brilliant
>be me
>be in Serbia
>be 13
> go to dinner with friend's family
>me being a poorfag looks at the expensive silverware
>steal 10k worth of silverware in Serbian dinar
>pawn it get lots of money
>buy myself and my family new everything
>go to dinner with friend all the time
>still have money
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Next day
>We tell select few others in our little gang about the mags
>We tell Patrick and Tyler and Hayden
>Patrick and Tyler are the older siblings of their families
>Our gang is divided essentially by the older kids and slightly younger kids but we all hang out together
>Patrick says don't tell any of the younger kids including his brother Bailey. Don't tell Colin, Brandon (Tyler's bro) or Deven and Zane (Like some 8 year olds we can get to do anything)
>We decide to ride to the gas station, buy condoms and jack off in the woods to these mags.
>We get to the gas station and it's me, Trevor, Garrett, Patrick, and Tyler
>5 boys...buying condoms...at a gas station...
>We are all nervous and begging each other for one of us to just buy them
>Noone wants to do it
>I volunteer myself finally but chicken out at the very end
>Trevor does it.
>I say, "Now this looks gay. We have to buy something else too so he doesn't give us a weird look"
>Trevor puts the condoms on the counter just as I put a pack of Fun Dip candy next to the condoms
>The clerk gave us the weirdest fucking look I've ever seen and then finally shrugged and said "Wow. Wtf. They get younger and younger. Ok kid that's 6.46 (or whatever the fuck it was)
>Realize just after leaving the gas station that he thought we were going to stick our dicks in Fun Dip candy powder and blow each other...
I have more if yall want
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>be 12
>innocent looking girl, nobody suspects me
>steal $300 jacket to see if i can
>get away with it
>steal $100 sweater
>get away with it
>steal a shitload of stuff, all in bag
>get arrested
>i know they can't search my bag
>i give them an eyeliner pencil from my pocket
>they threaten me and pretend they're allowed to search my bag
>i cry and say i only took the one thing
>they don't charge me because they feel bad
>walk out of store with like $800 worth of high end clothing

part 2 comin

>So we beat off in the woods and bury or cum filled condoms
>But Bailey overhears his bro Patrick about these porn mags and discovers the whereabouts
>Little kids find the mags and try to hide them in a dog carrier but they just leave them out and they get destroyed by rain
>This launches a full on war between the older kids and younger kids.
>Luckily Patrick hid a couple magazines away from the main pile and Garrett kept one for himself
>Everyone passes around these mags so much that the pages are practically plastered together
>But there are still a few salvageable pages
>Trevor has a great idea to rip out especially revealing pages and put it on every single one of the little kids porches and the very christian homes
>Great lulz were had at parents raging
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>be 13
>girl at school is mean to me
>spreads rumors about me
>cares a lot about grades
>look over her shoulder when she's unlocking her locker
>wait for most people to leave school
>break into her locker
>wipe fruit juice on the inside so fruit flies will gather
>remove her completed school project from her binder
>put everything back except some super overpriced lululemon yoga pants (her family is hella poor, must have been a gift -- now it's mine)
>watch her panic in class
>watch flies gather around her locker

part 2.5

>16 year old guy at school wants me
>i don't like him like that and tell him so, he says fine and dates another girl but we're still close
>he knows how to program damn well, super prodigy, hacks for commissions
>ask him to make phishing version of facebook
>send phishing site to girl
>she falls for it
>have her password
>read all her messages
>message the popular girls from her account, pretend to be drunk and upset that they aren't friends
>hit on random guys
>log off, all done through a vpn
>next day everyone stares at her
>someone confronts her and she cries
>she drops out of school


part 3 comin
I stole from Cotton On too, op. Hoodies and shirts. Shit was easy. Just take two pairs of the same clothing, go to the changing room, and return with one and keep the other tucked in your pants or something. Did this a lot in my early teens, but I never steal anymore
You are a true manipulative, vengeful /b/tard
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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>be 15, neighbor up the streets like 35, he whips dick out on sister
>see USPS deliver package, steal it from door step
> open box, bullshit just medicine bottles...
> wearing latex gloves not to leave prints acquire dog shit
>open pill bottles and carefully peel foil back
>insert dog turds in pill bottles with meds and seal back up so they don't appear tampered with
>reseal box and replace on assholes porch

In retrospect I took a stupid risk but the guy was a massive faggot and known predator
Fucking nice
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>be 16
>dating 21 year old, always hang with him and his 40something roommates
>they give me coke, mdma, weed, shrooms, etc. for free because they deal and they like me
>they get me into clubs and my classmates think i'm the shit
>feels good man
>get invited to high school party
>hate half the people there
>they want to try smoking weed for the first time
>i bring coke w/ speed in it
>invite my older friends
>we trash the party and do hard drugs
>they sell to like 4 of the teenagers there
>they leave, tell me to stop by their place when i'm done
>wait for everyone to be asleep
>steal half the money from all their wallets
>nobody says anything
>keep getting invited to shit

gets worse soon, pt 4 inc
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>>560888394 this guy later tried to rape his elderly grandmother after she wouldn't lend him money, tormented her to the point she had a heart attack and died, watched the coroners roll her out ta the house, made the news cause they charged hi. With manslaughter for indirectly causing her to have said heart attack, he was sentenced to prison for quite some time
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>be 16 still
>making money with one of my roommates entrapping pedos online
>he blackmails them, i talk on skype with them b/c i'm a girl and have a young sounding voice
>through this befriend a group of ragtag hackers (think lulzsec but less public)
>meanwhile a girl at school has a serious vendetta against me (idk why)
>i've been writing people's IB essays for them because i'm hella good at writing and it's easy money
>girl tells principal
>i get suspended for a week
>tell ragtag hackers
>they all love me because i'm the only girl that talks to them
>give them girl's dox
>they fuck up her life (send swat team to her house, hack her shit and send her nudes to her friends/family, etc)
>her mother apparently is traumatized by the SWAT thing
>she isn't in school for a month
>i write 5000 word apology to principal without being asked, say i was just trying to work on writing because i want to do it as a career
>principal likes me and forgives me
>removes infringment and just makes me volunteer around school for like a week
>girl avoids my eyes around the halls
>hacking group gets semi dismantled by legal people, one of them is arrested
>nobody thinks i was involved
>never hear from them again

jk that wasn't the bad one, next one will be intense and more illegal i swear
>be like 7
>be at zoo
>little trinket shop with zoo themed toys and shit for kids
>have big box of nice ass lookin rocks
>grab one when the girl at the counter wasn't looking
>got away with it
That's some My Name Is Earl shit.
>they fuck up her life (send swat team to her house, hack her shit and send her nudes to her friends/family, etc)

How old are you now?
Did you hack or do any programming stuff at all?
What did this group do? Were they anything close to what lulsec was?
You sound like you would be a successful person today
> be 15
> smoke pot
>pulled over for no seatbelt. Also ran a stop sign and was speeding a teensie bit
>he smelled weed
>found a pipe, one hitter, a bubbler, a grinder, 2g of dank, illegal fireworks, small plastic containers, and a gun (even though I was registered and followed legal precautions, ammo and device separated)
>court date this monday
this was the start to an extreme downward slope in my life
>me 18
>smoking weed with 2 friends and we started drinking southern comfort in coke and taking shots
>my 3rd time drinking, cant remember how much i drank. i wasnt like blackout tho
>one of us has the genius idea to go to the mall
>bottle up some southern comfort and coke, pocket weed and pipe
>go to my favorite store (kinda like hot topic but cheaper and not faggot)
>look at a bracelet and drunkenly thought about buying it for a girl i liked
>friends are like "come on anon!" so i walk out with them
>bracelet in hand, so drunk i dont think about it
>old lady catches up to us and says she saw me steal the bracelet
>tells me if i come back to the store and fill out some shit she wont call security
>i agree, security is waiting at the store
>skinny version of paul blart almost slams me for showing him where my pipe was (they were already searching me, cops were called because weed)
>cops arrive and charge me with paraphanilia, shoplifting, and public intoxication of marijuana
>cop was nice and dumped my weed
>i was drunk off my ass and the cop said i looked like i just smoked earlier in the day
>spent the night in a small town jail with a couple spics and a nigger
>dad made me walk home the next morning
>be me
>be in highschool
>be at lunch every day, get dominos pizza
>grab plate with 3 on it
>eat 2 in line
>pay for 1
>did it countless times
>school starts noticing
>we have a pizza thief on our hands, students
>pizza will be closely monitored by a cafeteria worker
>continue to steal pizza, sneaky as fuck
>shit was pizza
nigger getting dominos at school fuck you
Plz respond
How was court for you? What did you end up with?
> be 12, have blow dart/peashooter and air compressor
>mak3 dart with spring steel and beeds
>rig peashooter to small tank of compressed air from compresser
> hide behind fence on main street and aim for back tire on cat passing by
> switch level on rigged valve and send dart right into back tire, 140 psi worth of propulsion behind dart
> critical hit!!! 99999 damage
> run like hell with sniper backpack rig
I'm 19 now
No, I learned basic Python but didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would
I don't want to give out too much info that might be identifying, they were on fbi watch and I'd rather not be connected. I'll tell you that they were involved with some pretty high profile stuff and they've been published in a few newspapers for some of what they've done. Definitely smarter and more talented than lulzsec, just not retarded famewhores like they were.

Thanks friend, things are going quite well for me. Relationship with well-connected/attractive/brilliant man, past hasn't caught up with me, got off all the drugs of my childhood without any humps, studying at an ivy league school with a full scholarship. I'm planning on being a writer for a living though, I'm afraid my hacking days are in the past.

I'll write part 5 in a sec, been multitasking and making some food
we had the assortments of normal cafeteria food. Burgers, hot dogs, salads, etc. but we also had... Subway, Chic-fil-a, dominos, little ceasars
Why? I don't fucking know... so unhealthy. was good though of course.
>im white
>I dont commit crimes
You're in the US?
How old is the guy?
sounds like hack the planet to me.
Do you know where u are fag?
You didn't get caught because they can't chase you/ touch your bag, any adult knows this. Fuck out of here you underage shit.
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Glad you're enjoying anon <3

this is technically illegal because i was underage and they were like 40 but pfft, including it anyways
>be 17
>bought like 2 ounces of mushrooms, planning on spending the night at bf/cool roommates' place
>make mushroom tea
>go down to the beach while it kicks in, have a bonfire
>holyshit best trip of my life (seriously, it doesn't hurt your stomach at all and is a lot less in your head when it's a tea, it's just pleasure and visuals)
>lady roommate calls her mdma dealer, we all pop some
>holy shiiiiittttttttt best drug combination ever why have i not done this before
>go back to their place; be literally tripping balls by that time, mdma and shrooms in full swing
>lady roommate shows me her tits, says i'm the cutest girl she's ever seen
>we make out on the bed
>my and her boyfriends walk in
>they're totally down
>dude roommate is insanely hot (not conventionally, he's native american and has gorgeous cheekbones/hella long hair, tons of tattoos)
>dude roommate starts touching my ass and stuff
>boyfriend does the same
>attractive people who actually know about sex do a bunch of sex stuff to me while i'm rolling
>basically have drug induced orgy with 40+ year old drug dealers and my 22 year old boyfriend
>we postload on 5htp and don't feel down the next day at all

this is all relevant to the next post, i'm not just bragging about my sexploits guis i swear
Drunk as fuck on the fourth and I unloaded 30 rounds through my friends ar into the air like a sandnigger.. In the suburbs. Still kick myself for it 5 years later.
God damn
I'm jelly of your life minus the drug stuff

Do you get good grades at that ivy league school or are you just bullshitting about all this?

Post a pic yo
today I learned that Heaven is not american. Today was a good day.
>be me
>make $300-$500/shift working downtown
>pushing crack and heroin
>boss is red scorpion affiliated
>new offer
>20% of total paper pulled
>pulling 5-8k/shift
>new offer
>lets go to the states guys
>pulling 8-10k/shift

can u guess what i was doing?
heres a hint, im so fly money flows like no tomorrow, even the atm's cant stop raining on me.
Yeah, US. He's 26. Planning on moving elsewhere when I graduate, but in the meantime I'm happy.

Could be. I couldn't possibly comment. ;)
(Seriously though some of them overlapped with that crew, but aside from a couple of skype calls just shooting the shit HTP had better things to do than listen to my bullshit problems. Funniest, smartest guys in that scene though, mad respect.)
he's a filthy straight cis white swine who probably raped an oppressed woman with words and mabey he should be raped to teach him and the patriarchy a lesson
Well damn, either this is a guy who knows his shit about htp or its actually a femanon. either way it's rare to find somebody who knows them.
Only ever committed one serious crime. Shoplifting.(downloading music and movies doesn't fucking count)
>Be me
>about 13 or 14
>live in a backwards piece of shit Aussie town called Bendigo
>Spent whole life there, am a teen mum kid so always in shitty $2 houses
>Go to the best public school in area
>Still super fucking shit but it's around the corner from a cornerstore
>AFter school every kid would flock the store for chips and drink
>Be super fucking poor but thirsty as fuck
>Friend and i walk into the store
>Busy as always
>One old man running counter, some old hag doing chips
>Walk to the fridge drink thingy's in corner shops
>Mate is a large kid and easily blocks the view of the owners
>Kneel down and shove like 8 cans of coke in my school bag
>Zip it up, walk around the line to look like we aren't shady fuckers
>Walk around the corner and give him 4 cans
>Feel alpha as fuck stealing cans from an old guy who was selling them for a dollar anyway.
So how is he super connected and rich at 26?

I really need a pic of you. Be honest, how hot are you?
>Implying you are real

What kind of writing do you do?

I'm so jelly that
>You are a girl
>You had cool experiences in high school
>Connections to hackers and programming
>Ivy league school
>Attractive, rich bf

Meanwhile the past 5 years of my life I've been sitting in my bed not knowing what to do with my life...
Literally, after age 14, I wish I could have your life...wish I was a girl yo

this sounds autistic as fuck, but having connections with real "hackers" isn't safe or a sane thing is to do. you'll get burned once you're of no use, or some men in black suits will show up at your door.
once I mixed Pepsi and cola
You a part of them, or just know of them? I'll admit I'm kind of surprised that their name came up.


He deals. I guess I have a type haha. No false modesty, I'm pretty attractive (probably like a 9/10), and I'm pretty sure that's why I've gotten away with 90% of the shit I have. I know it's shitty to take advantage of one's female privilege and stuff, but it's suited me just fine.

I don't have those hacker connections anymore, shit got a bit too intense for me. It's never too late to start though anon, if you're charismatic and want to learn you can probably make some friends around IRCs/forums (most are skidtown but there are some cool people).

almost done writing it i swear
This right here. The exact reason that I stopped hanging around them is because my livelihood was threatened (not by then, but some of the rivalries are kind of insane).

Make friends with programmers if you want, but I'd seriously steer clear of the blackhat types. They may seem glamorous but some of them are genuine sociopaths that aren't afraid to do some horrible shit.

No bullshitting. I'm getting good grades, yeah, but I'm an English student so it isn't that hard for me (I'm no genius, but I was definitely considered a prodigy when it came to English, so it comes relatively easy to me.) No pics though, I'm a tad paranoid.

>be 17
>remember 16 year old guy from when i was 13? male friend who wanted me? well now he's bothering the hell out of me
>not stalking me, he means well, but he's really persistent and keeps showing up at my school and shit. i'm annoyed but put up with him
>he runs into me while i'm on a date
>he gets super buttmad
>I BET I'M OLDER THAN HIM (he always liked to talk about how much better he was than the guys my age because he was 3 years older)
>threatens to fight him
>boyfriend is a pacifist and doesn't, we leave
>super annoyed now
>fast forward a week or so, he's pretty much textbook stalking me now
>has showed up at my house twice the past week, left me a legit voicemail of him crying and saying my name (you can't make this shit up)
>keeps showing up at my school and peacocking himself around anyone I talk to, tries to put on this whole "alpha male" act even though nobody cares (sidenote: he turned out to be mildly autistic, which probably had to do with some of the ridiculous things he did, but i didn't know this at the time)
>i still think he's relatively harmless
>suddenly i get a call from boyfriend
>stalkerguy is AT BOYFRIEND'S WORK, telling his boss that he's statuatorily raping his girlfriend (me)
>what the fuck
>now i'm pissed
>boyfriend gets fired for making a scene (i guess there was a lot of yelling)
>he was relying on that job and is really upset
>i invite stalkerguy to hang out and blaze at the beach at night
>asked roommate dude to show up with some intimidating looking friends
>we get there, stalkerguy immediately starts legitimately crying saying he knew that i would come around, he knew i should be with him

comment too long lol
>this sounds autistic as fuck
G-Gotta go fast!

I guess that's what being isolated from society, depressed as fuck and up at 2 am sounds like.

>if you're charismatic

Height, weight?
Hair color?
You white?

If you are using that word correctly, that's amazing.
What kind of stuff do you usually write?

>I guess that's what being isolated from society, >depressed as fuck and up at 2 am sounds like.
I didn't ask for those feels.
go to bed fed
Noone asks for those feels

>be me
>be federal agent
>be on 4chan at 3 am EST to browse /b/ on the off chance I find a 19 year old girl who went to high school with a hacker to build a case on her to eventually arrest her even though we have already arrested the team of hackers she knew

You got me.
idk I got a fwb worked out for college in the fall...freshmen any advice
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>tumblr feminism insult created this year
>he was 14 or 15
>years ago
>you're a fucking idiot
i feel you on the depression, i'm bipolar I and have definitely experienced a lifetime and a half's worth of the whole apathy/lack of interests/misery thing. i luckily ("luckily") had pretty frequent hypomania that sort of made up for it. still not medicated because i'm afraid to lose the positives :/

5'4", 110lbs, brown hair, yeah i'm white

thanks anon. i write mostly short stories, just started working on my first novel.

fuck it i'm not finishing the greentext unless you really want me to, seems like most people have left the thread, tl;dr semi autistic stalker guy basically sexually assaults me and instead of intimidating him roommate dude ends up beating the shit out of him. it was a lot more exciting at the time tbh.

i actually wrote a series of short stories based on my teenage years (though nobody will ever know that they're based in truth lel), i got up to some ridiculous shit. no idea how i'm still alive with my reputation intact.
Tell me about the neckbeard assault please
did your parents ever suspect anything?
I guess just get involved with something like a club or sport or frat.

Pick what you want to do in life then find a major to fit that career.
Don't just get a degree willy nilly.

Constantly improve yourself in every way. Lift, read anything that interests you, TALK, and just know that experiencing things is a good thing.
Also, cut back on 4chan. You don't have to quit /b/ or 4chan but just know that /b/ is dead and you aren't missing anything when you aren't here.
Thoroughly enjoying this thread. Your story has me captivated. Definitely want to hear more.
Thanks for sharing.

>kisses me before i can speak two words
>try to push him off but he grabs me, horrible kisser, tries to put his hand down my pants but they're tight jeans and he can't
>opts to grab my tits under my bra
>don't want to anger him b/c don't know what he's capable of so i just kind of stand there and wait for roommate dude
>he thinks i'm into it even though i'm not moving
>starts moaning
>roommate dude comes
>i tell him what happened
>stalkerguy gets super pissed at me for saying i didn't want it
>calls me a tease whore etc.
>starts crying
>i almost feel bad but i don't
>roommate dude beats the shit out of him
>he kind of just sits there with his head on his knees crying and we all leave
>roommate dude's backup consisted of a single overweight black guy who's barely taller than me
>he turns out to be a pretty chill dude and we head to bf's house for weed and D&D

honestly it was a lot more exciting when it was happening, not quite so fun to read about in greentext. i did technically smuggle pills over the english border when i was 15 if you want to hear about that, in spirit of the thread and all
Regarding my lifestyle? My mother knew that I was doing casual drugs but trusted me to be safe. She suspected that I was dating but, again, trusted me to be safe (I think she knew she couldn't stop me and didn't want to start conflict, we had a rocky home atmosphere when I was in my teens and she wanted me to be happy).

I'm really glad you enjoyed, this is a fun thread.
>i got up to some ridiculous shit. no idea how i'm still alive with my reputation intact.
What do you mean?
What terrible stuff have you done?
We all do some stupid stuff when we are younger.
Do people think you are some perfect, innocent church going girl or something?
interesting, I'm going to head to sleep I have to get up in the morning...it was nice reading the story whether or not it was true and thanks to the Fed for college advice.
Did you read my other stuff? Tried basically every drug under the sun, hung out with some extremely sketchy yet interesting people, gaslit people in high school, broke into things, stole, etc. I can elaborate if you'd like, I'm having fun reminiscing.

People don't think I'm a church girl, but I was more of a light-hearted party girl in their eyes than anything else.
when i needed a gum, i just rumaged trough some coats in highschool, until i found a pack. even bribed the janitor with a promise of gum if he was around.
Well I mean shoplifting at 13...a lot of girls do that
I suppose doing hard drugs and hanging out with sketchy 40 year olds would be reason to tarnish your reputation

You could elaborate if you want. I really am super jelly of you though
I know you said earlier that you used your appearances to your benefit, and acknowledged that it was sort of a shitty thing to do.
Honestly, right or wrong, that's something I have to admire about people. Recognizing what they've got and using it to their full advantage.
Seems like you've lived an interesting life. Dark as it may be, it's certainly inspirational to someone like me who's always been a fan of the "candle that burns the brightest burns half as long" kind of philosophy. Not to say I hope yours goes out soon. ha
Ive done a few different dubious things. Ive stolen gokarts out of peoples garages. Track them down through CL and then figure out where they live. That'll work for anything that's sold on that site. It's just easier if the thing in question is in the garage. It's a lot easier to be in and out that way.
>years ago
>upper class suburb, many mormon churches and even a big school/park inside of it
>parking lot of mormon church
>skateboarding with friends
>azn friend rages due to daddy issues and a failure of a 360 flip
>grabs board and spins it with it as if to throw it
>please god don't let that bitch hit me
>lets it loose, soars through glass door, shattering it
>cry self to tears while everyone panics
>we run away.
>realize we need that board back.
>return to the scene 10 minutes, no one noticed a thing, and the church is empty.
>run around this big ass church screaming, we enter the holy room or whatever, shut the doors and say weird shit on the microphone like "micheal jacksonnnnn"
>decide to leave before anyone shows up and catches us
>later learn they found a break room, emptied the fridge onto the floor and smashed a microwave for fun
Also you all would be surprised at all the stuff you can walk out of Walmart with as long as you're white and look like a Morman. I.e a giant ass hitch assembly for a car
Aside from breaking into that girl's locker and ruining that other girl's life by leaking nudes/SWATing, I did a lot of things that may have ruined my reputation in the eyes of my school, my parents, etc. Most of the people at school knew I was in with a rowdy crowd but few knew the extent to which their rowdiness got.

Oh the best part: I met my then-boyfriend over Runescape. No joke. We were into luring back when that shit was cool, ended up talking on Skype, found out we lived in the same town... who thought playing Runescape would ever get anyone laid? Either way, it's kind of surreal that I know his roommates and him through a shitty browser MMORPG.

I'm really glad I had unconventional teen years, it was dangerous but rewarding. Why jelly?
I was the great muffin theif of highschool
>friend and I hit the breakfast line everyday after gym
>one day the lines too long we're afraid we will be late
>fuck this line stuffed muffin in pants
>everyday after return unzip friends backpack fill with muffins
After stealing like 30 muffins a day for a week they would watch the line daily these were fist sized muffins btw
I'm of a similar mindset; I'm not ashamed for being an attractive female. Why not enjoy what you're born with? I've just heard a lot of bitter butthurt from people on this site in particular regarding women who flaunt/manipulate using their appearances. Ah, well. I regret nothing.

I honestly justified it as being material for my writing when I was just getting into some of it. Gathering material, I was. In a sense I suppose it's true, though I was also looking for a rush around every corner because I was so bored with my life and was terrified that I would be bored for the rest of my days.
>Why jelly?
>unconventional teen years
There you go.

Since I was 14, I've been super depressed. I have no memories from since I was 14. I never had any experiences or did anything worth remembering. That kills me. I maybe have 2 memories of doing something fun with friends but that's it. I will never know what it is like to be a high school girl trying drugs for the first time or party or have enough confidence to meet new people.
Your stories are very cool and all, but I'm going to need a time stamp to prove that you're a grill or I have no other choice but to conclude that your "attractiveness" is on the same plane as the attractiveness of Michael Moore.
I feel you so hard. A lot of why I did what I did was out of depression. I suffered from dissociative thoughts a lot and felt really disconnected from my body, and I was terrified to the point of panic attacks and suicidal ideation that I would be numb for the rest of my life. That sort of pushed me to go into things with a "yes" mentality. Would you believe I'm actually quite socially anxious? I would never approach anyone for friendship or anything else; I'd just rely on other people talking to me first. Even being in crowds used to give me panic attacks.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
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Proof of femininity

i feel uncomfortable posting my whole face on here, don't want my posts connected to the person i am irl. sorry anon.
Same as you...19

That's interesting about the yes mentality thing
Kind of like being on the brink of death you just did everything and anything?

I always feel like I'm going to lose my family and worse break up the family somehow (I have a big extended family) so that kept me paralyzed from transitioning. I always wanted to party and stuff but as soon as I would put myself in that position, I would just feel like my brain was a computer that got dropped in a bucket of water
whale shieeeeettttt. whadap honey? 21/m here. And I too do not resemble Michael Moore.
I stole a 49 cent pudding once while I was drunk in a sheetz.

Yea, your talking the legendary pudding bandit.
I casually think about suicide fairly often. Nothing terrible in my life going on at all really, which is why I haven't taken any serious steps to making it happen. But sometimes I wish something would, just so that I can get to the point where I'm just about to end it all and realize "Hey, I'm already at rock bottom. Guess I can do whatever the hell I want now."
Almost some Fight Club shit, but with less Brad Pitt.
my god. It's an honor and a privilege, sir.
>Kind of like being on the brink of death you just did everything and anything?
Yeah. Whenever I wanted to kill myself I would tell myself that I had to do everything on my bucket list first, see if there was something worth living for. I was kind of on the brink of death all the time, I guess, at least for a time.

At 19 it's nowhere near too late to put yourself out there. I know how awful anxiety is, I really do, but trust me when I say that it's worth it.

Use some social lubricant when meeting new people, pump yourself up with some good music, go somewhere where everyone's drunk anyways. Music venues (esp. raves) are great places to meet fun people. I wish I could hang out with you IRL, anon, I honestly feel for you in so many ways.
If your good, I'll let you lick pudding off of me.

There's a lot of me and I got a lot of pudding, so I hope your hungry
That's my exact mentality. I always tell myself "if you're going to kill yourself anyways, why not ____?" when I'm feeling low like that. They say you're only bored if you're boring, so I try my best to not be boring - put myself into situations where I can do exciting, outlandish things - in order to avoid the apathy part of depression.
My entire life has been preparation for this moment.
>be 5
>go to nursery and shit
>friends with almost everyone in class
>sees epic toy for recess
>steals it while packing up
>no one knows
lel'd at the thought of a 270 pound kid slamming himself into a vending machine at top speed
I'm 19 too by the way. Wrapped up my first year of college (university) about to start on my second.
Decided I'd spice this year up doing an anonymous radio show for students to call in and bitch about professors and policies and what not.
Being that I'm already on social probation with the school (busted smoking marijuana on campus) I'm hoping the school doesn't give me too much shit for it. A friend of mine set up a meeting with me and some guy who works there to let us know what we can and can't get away with. Really looking forward to where this takes me.
too long a story to green text.
be me, 26 or 28 take a mickey to the park at night to drink and smoke. Head home after done. Walk down main road. Cops drive by, see me, circle back. Pull up next to me. Ask me what Im doing out so late. Explain to them. 8 cop cars show up now. Cops get out, thats our guy. Frisk me, find fold out thumb opening knife inside pocket of jacket with pepper spray cuff me. Accuse me of sex assault on some woman at a shop. Now im freaked, like wtf??? I went for a drink in the park I was nowhere near the store you mentioned. Take off my winter coat before putting me in the wagon. -5 celcius.
Sit in the jails underground parking lot for an hour. pull me out process me. Put me in a cell. Totally freaked out, never been to jail, imaging my future in jail. Need to take a shit bad. Let me out but cop screams DONT WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS. must want dna. up all night in my cell freaked out and freezing in a t-shirt. See detectives next day. charges dropped concealed carry charges still stand. go to court a year later for that. case dismissed a day before trial. no apology over accusing me of being a rapist. >.> fuck the pigs!
I pirated WinRar.
>some good music,
Music doesn't sound good anymore

>Music venues (esp. raves)
I went to a Club la Vela thinking I could meet some people, dance whatever, and just listen to electronic music (my favorite of all genres) and once I got there I felt like shit. I invested myself hard into it too. That was really depressing. I went back to the hotel, slept and didn't get up for 30 hours

I really hope something can fix me but I seriously doubt it. I've tried many times to quest to make myself into the person I want to be but I always fail.

It sounds like I'm throwing a pity party but that's how I feel. I've tried exercising everyday, transitioning, and all sorts of advice. I'm not a weird autist either.

Idk my therapy session is at 8 am tomorrow so idk
I just feel like my heart and brain have been broken by so many failures. I feel like there is only a few ways out now. Sometimes I wish someone would jsut kidnap me
>at night on valium and beer
>break into icecream van
>make a nice icecream
>steal like 400bux the stupid niggas just left in the till
>pour some coins into the charity box gotta do my bit
>spend money on a street hooker
>tell her that I pay her extra if I can slap her round a bit she's like uh wot ok
>walk to abandoned driveway/park shifty as fuck area feel like someone will stab me because I'm also visibly fucked up
>anyway she starts sucking my dick then I pull her hair and slap her face like five times really hard
>she's like wtf all pissed off like she didn't fucking agree to it stupid bitch
>tell her ok I'll be gentle
>two hands gripping her ponytail (she is kneeling on ground) and I face fuck her
>then I slap her really hard she's like fuck you and runs off
>already payed her w/e didn't want to cum anyway
>actually I did so I hire another hooker this time she lays on the ground and I try to fuck her but I can't get it up also hookers and just women in general are disgusting to me
>I'm like fuck this I'll give you 20 USD bill (was in till for some reason) if I can slap your face really hard a few times
>she's like dude you're cray but w/e I just smack her real hard it was fun then we walked back to the street chatting about some stupid shit hookers are retarded by the way
>so I'm like 30km from home and also I took some lorasepam now as well and I start walking home then this asian guy maybe 25 randomlly picks me up and drives me all the way home
>ok I'm fucked up then we were jst chatting and laughing I'm like well I owe you for the left he's nah it's al good so I'm like do you want a blowjob
>he's like what lol uhh ok so I did it but I didn't swallow also halfway through I threw up out of the car and carried on lol how disgusting
>anyway this type of shit used to happen all the time when I was a massive benso taker fuck this one time I chewed 200mg valium and blackout for like threedays and I had a stolen shitty honda and some cash and tonnes of maps
See I think that way quite a bit. Especially the whole only boring people are boring part. And I don't really have anxiety or anything like that I would consider myself outgoing. But I feel like over the last few years I went out a little too much and burnt myself out. So I really enjoy my personal time these days. While obviously making an effort to date and see my close friends and what not. I just don't see the point anymore in mindless little party connections or things like that. I'm at that point where I feel like I really need to focus on me and my hobbies and my personal growth
Sweet; I'm about to start my last year (finished HS a year early so I'm a bit ahead). What're you majoring in?
That sounds seriously amazing. I wish I was innovative enough to do something like that, but alas. I'd definitely listen if I went to your school.
Majoring in Broadcasting & Electronic Media.
Honestly I never saw myself doing anything radio related, I've always been more of a film guy. But I've got the voice for it, and this sounds like something I'd really like to do. Everyone I've talked to sounds like they're totally into the idea.
Gonna start posting flyers around campus when the semester starts up.
Which does remind me of something unrelated actually... A friend of mine owed me $50 for a job I did for him. (Had to edit a video for some people.) Anyway, he refuses to pay up for months. I decide I've had enough and post fake flyers for a cash prize giveaway all over campus saying to text "WHERE'S THE MONEY?!" to none other than my friend's phone number.
Needless to say, he was a little more responsive to my requests after that... haha
>some guy threw a rock in my friend's window, made a huge crack on the window
>rushed out of friend's apartment
>grabbed a random stick lying on the ground
>tracked the guy down
>hit him in the back of their knee
>dude falls on his knees
>kick him in the stomach multiple times until he falls on his side
>hit his ribs with the stick
>stomp on his face few times

This happened when I was like 12 y.o or so. And since that, his father has tried to get me and suppousedly kill me. I've seen him multiple times, but saw him when he was working. He can't do shit. And the stick was rather thick, like a bat or something.

>living in a neighbourhood where there are alot of Russians
>took out my bb-gun
>started shooting at random Russians from my appartment window
>lived on 5th floor, no-one saw where the bb bullets coming from
>atlast i hate one
>in the face
>all the ambulances and cops
>they never found out

I did that when I was 15. I got blenty of more, but when I got 16, all the crimes I did, I was drunk most of the time. If not, then those was minor crimes which doesnt really matter.
I'll try to remember more.

Do you have any hobbies? Reading, etc.

>It sounds like I'm throwing a pity party but that's how I feel.
No it doesn't. Some people can't just magically feel better. I really do understand that; I've been hospitalized for my BPD multiple times, and I know how out of control one's emotions (or lack thereof) can feel sometimes.

>I really hope something can fix me but I seriously doubt it.

You're a whole person. Do things that will maximize your happiness, but don't think for a second that you're some not-real person that has to be fixed and turned into a regular human.

>I feel like there is only a few ways out now.

Save for suicide, what ways are you referring to?
Personal growth is where it's at. I like to think that experiencing new things is a form of personal growth. All's fish that come's to a writer's net, and all that.

That's hilarious. You're hilarious. You sound like you'll find interesting things to do regardless of where you are.
Also, my friend broke into a house which's owner recently died. The owner was a WW2 veteran. Basicly my friend found a luger handgun and some bullets for it. Also a stack of cash.
Well that's what I'm hoping!
If I wasn't already on probation I'd probably start finding erhm, entertaining, things to do right when I get back. But alas... have a couple months to wait yet.
At least my community service only consisted of playing Mario Kart on my 3DS in the bathroom for about a third of my time. haha
Yeah you're definitely right. It's mostly just me being stuck in my same high school town is why I've been less and less people friendly lately. I've been on probo for the past year. Just two more months though and I can legally leave the state and finally move.
>Save for suicide, what ways are you referring to?
Someone kidnapping me
Getting total amnesia

I used to have hobbies but they just make me sad. Flatland Biking was a big one. Running, video games, reading old(ish) books like the ones you would read in college or something. Read and studied Dante and the Inferno out of interest, Planes. Anything with planes, design, engines, manufacturing, dog fight strategies shit like that. But it all makes me sad.
I can't even dream about one day flying a plane or having a career in aeronautical engineering without getting spitting mad or crying. Don't like to think about anyone holding me or comforting me; same emotions.
thread went to shit

go on, nothing to see here
>proof of femininity
>no tits

do they even exist on you?
Are you from BC?
What are you willing to do to get a fresh start? You could move and go by a different name, not tell anyone but those you want to tell.

I absolutely know what you mean. I used to ponder going and living in the wilderness for a few years then pretending to have been raised there, go to a country I don't know, get a new identity under the guise of having been raised a wilderness person. Admittedly, this was a delusion more than anything else, but it stemmed from similar feelings.

I also understand the feelings of frustration/anger/sadness when you think about or encounter things that are "supposed to" make you happy. I feel like I have no identity when I have no hobbies or skills to identify with.
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>be a faggot kid
>joyride golf carts cus shit was cash
>one day, bad vibe
>driving up road and security van stops beside us
>execute j-turn, guards in pursuit
>drive through civilian area
>drive down stairs,
>get out, run for it
>at this point there's a fucking armada behind me, 20 guards
>don't know the area so I'm surrounded
>mfw buddy got away, everyone behind me
>get away with superintendent's caution and a few thousand dollars in lawyer's fees
Have another story where we commandeered a ferry (catamaran) if y'all are interested
one time i ate an entire box--that silver cardboard pyramid--of "ecstacy" pills from the head shop. it gave me a tummy ache so i went to get a big 44 oz dr pepper. i was completely dazed and out of it--poisoned on stupid herbs; this was years before i would do real e but i was also stoned off my ass and well familiar with LSD but i was out of it--and i was driving a big subaru station wagon. a big ass CADILLAC had parked next to me in the parking lot of the restaurant next door and i happened to have my non-power steering wheel all the way and i hit it; completely caving in the driver's side back door. i just took off. i only mention it because after research i think it was only officially a misdemeanor hit and run.

The other night we were at my friend's house, and we got super drunk. With my fucked up sleep schedule, I ended up staying up the latest. By this time, I was barely coherent, and considering a good vomit before sleeping to put me to sleep, but decided against it.

Anyways, on the table is a plastic bag and I check it out. It's a bar of soap with some kind of paper wrapping. Looks like one of those expensive hippie soaps. For some reason in my drunken mind, I thought it'd be hilarious to take a chunk of it, so I took out my knife and cut off about a quarter of it, and put it in my pocket.

When I got into the house, I was too thrilled to stop, so I snuck into their bathroom and stole a pair of my friend's mom's panties and put them in my pocket (she's not even that hot.) Then I went into his bathroom and stole a lighter with a tiger on it. This was all at around 3am. I woke up with ridiculously big pockets, but I was like fuck it. I snuck out with a few of my friends, since we slept over in his guest room without asking.

When I got home and unloaded my haul, I wasn't really sure why I did any of it. This was last week btw. Good times
I don't know really. I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope for trying anything or putting myself out there. Notice how kidnapping and getting amnesia are just things that happen to you. You can't really actively seek it. Loss of will I suppose that is what I've lost.

That sounds good just to move to a new country and start over but it would require some sort of initiative or will.
Thing is I'm hiding myself more and more similar to The underground man from Notes from Underground. He talks about "ready made" fixes for his life.

Here is my email.
[email protected]
It's my throw away. It's really cool talking with you. Not just about this depressing stuff either

ferry story
go on
>be me
>be 16
>have degenerate friend/next door neighbor
>walk about 2 miles to target once, maybe twice a week
>steal a metric shitton of yugioh cards together, sometimes with a 3rd friend
>eventually they moved the cards so you could see them from the cash registers
>still cards in toy aisles, remained stealing
>get ballsy
>start stealing turtle beaches, even an Xbox 360 hard drive together, the fucking thing was attached to the rack. We stole scissors in one aisle just to open it
>steal more expensive headsets, and skullcandy earbuds
>we'd normally go in the bathroom stalls to open shit
>cop walks in one time we got a haul of cards to use a urinal, looks us right in the eye
>I go into stall and friend walks out says he'll wait for me
>cop walks out
>leave with haul. Feltgoodman

We only went back like, 3 times max after that. All in all I'd say we stole well over $500 worth of stuff.
w.w.w.w..wait up....
>we still stole like 100 dollars worth of shit

thats like a pair of pants and a shirt.

whoooop deee poooooo

plus Cotton on has only been around for like 3 years. and is a discount shit store for 12 year olds.

not trying to poke holes in your story but it not really a crime...yeah its illegal..but still.

i stole a bottle of tequilla broad daylight from the store. meh

mmmmmmm mmmm mmmmm summer mmmmm mmmmm sniff...yep das it
>summerfags claiming to be oldfags
>Be 18, senior in high school
>Get out of class at 10 AM every day
>Fall into habit of getting drunk with friends all day after school
>Once we're driving away from the park after consuming a couple bottles
>I'm in the backseat holding an empty bottle waiting to throw it
>Can't see out the windshield so ask friends if any cars are coming
>They tell me not to throw the bottle
>I wait
>They keep telling me "not yet not yet"
>No cars are passing us so I decide they're full of shit
>Hurl the bottle out my window where it flies into the windshield of a pickup truck causing the windshield to shatter
>We floor it out of there and lay low for a couple hours
>Got away
Sent you an email, happy to chat
you sick fuck
>be me 34yrs
>leave house
> see road
>jay walk
>get to the other side sweating and shaking but i feel the rush feelsgood.jpg
>continue to explore my dark side
>see field "do not walk on grass"
>walk on grass
>get off grass, take out my rape whistle and start blowing loudly and waving my arms around (illegal in my state)
>take out chewing gum, drop wrapper on ground
>continue walking
>see cop
>shit my pants and start crying
>run home to tell my /b/ros about my incredible day as an outlaw
>ill start (shoplifting)

Your parents really fucked up, OP.
>cotton on

What in the fuck are you smoking? Cotton On was founded in 1991 by some aussiefag. Back then cardigans and shirts were like 10-15 bucks a pop. Dumbass.
I've been lurking this whole time. /b/ etiquette aside, I enjoyed reading your posts. Uplifting.
>be 9 or 10
>be on the school bus home
>drinking a soda i stole from the fridge since no soda in school
>finish drinking soda
>left with the can
>start talking with some degenerate retard
>tells me to throw the can out the window when he says
>"now" *throws can*
>smashes into a trucks windshield
>cracks windshield
>never got caught
well, maybe not the destroying people's lives stuff... but the latter posts had all my feels.
a jeffery
and listening to icp

fuck off a can cracked a windscreen
well ya see there's this thing called inertia. im in a moving bus, while another car is moving towards us. if timed right the can would have even speed to crack a windshield. Also,fuck off with windscreen. nigger
>be me
>10 yrs old
>release fart on bus
>wasn't a fart
>pooped pants

That uh....that's all I got.

Oh yeah, and I killed a guy once
>Be 17 and with a friend
>Be at a grocery store that sells alcohol
>They have all these dumb looking ales and wines and stuff in a section apart from the other alcohol in a part of a store that was empty at the time
>Put 2 bottles in our basket
>leave store
Tense as fuck, my collar bone felt like it was on fire, the drink tasted awful.
would love go actually be a part of this thread but fuck typing shit out on my phone. You seem hella cool tho wanted to at least say that
I know the adrenaline feeling from shoplifting, I can't tell you how many times I could feel that on command, the butterflies in your stomach, I can't get enough of it, anyways not really a crime but worth the read
>be me in highschool with atleast stoner 6 friends
>all going to stoner friends house to have a massive sesh for his bday
>skipped last 2 hours of school
>walk through the trailer park
>enter my friends neighborhood, not trailer park
>unmarked white charger turned toward us
>friend called it out
>that amazing adrenaline kicked in and alpha mode activated
>Pulls up rolls down window
>"What are you boys doing?"
>millisecond later i saw he was a cop
>walk around the back of his car and take off
>faster than lightning
>2 friends follow me, I cut left into this opening into backyards on a lake
>no fences and know area perfectly from manhunt
>cop follows me while on road
>i change directions running through backyards
>we all scramble like crazy
>this undo is chasing us everywhere
>decide to hide in an abando
>me and 2 friends, trying to contact other friends that we split from
>decide to check the window
>undo is right there walking toward the back sliding door opening
>I had my penny board so CLEARED IT outta there
>1 friend followed on foot, don't know how he kept up with me
> other friend hid up in attic
>me and other kid made it to friends house, told him what happened
>from what I heard the cop walked in the abando while friend was in attic
>he left and we all made it safe to friends and had a huge session.

moral of the story is always have a way out and I also found out that was this toolbag's dad who happens to be an undercover that runs marathons and if he did decide to get out of his car he probably would have caught atleast one of us.
Abandoned or houses for sale are perfect for hiding in
I've personally hid on top of a roof and hid in an attic to hide from the cops
>[email protected]
i emailed you too anon... just in case you dont trust the link
Hey thanks for the link and the effort
Yeah I got your email
Once you're at the bottom, there's no way to go but up bro.
Don't die thread, I love you

>same three guys that robbed target
>we decide to rob walgreens to get stupid toys etc, the life of a 16 year old
>spic manager catches us going into the bathroom and tells us to come out
>sees our stuff
>cool guy, tells us to put all the stuff on the counter
>do it and leave, feeling like we dodged 10 years in prison
>walk into a movie theater with a 12 pack of mountain dew voltage
>didn't pay to get in, everything went better than expected
I'm more inclined to believe the drug slut in the thread than this bullshit.
lol just kill yourself op
Previous retailfag and BFFS with Asset Protection faggots here confirming.
daily reminder to take your autism pill
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What if one were to have a large number of young people organized doing this and we simply bailed them out when they eventually get arrested?
>be me
>be 14
>this is before I moved back to Florida for target shenanigans, in North Carolina at this point
>at rich friend's house with another friend
>three is the magic number
>friend's ex Navy SEAL dad leaves to get us pizza
>rich friend has "weed"
>cant find a lighter so we use a stove to light the "joint"
>step out back, rich friend takes a hit and passes it to other friend
>other friend passes it to me
>never smoked weed before
>inhaled, "my throat's on fire!!!" Cough Cough Cough
>ex Navy SEAL dad comes home with pizza
>chews out rich friend/his son for having the oven on, while other friend and I cower upstairs
>ex Navy SEAL dad leaves again, this time for the night
>finish pizza
>vandalize unfinished rich people homes
>good memories man
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This is some real pussy shit but I'm not a pathetic loser like the rest of you.

>lunchtime at school
>drive to grocery store
>they have chinese food
>acquire chinese food
>"Do I want to pay for this?"
>not really
>walk out the door
do this like 15 more times, but then the last time i did it,
>walk by this faggot who sells lottery shit at the grocery store
>walking towards door
>I just know this faggot is watching me
>turn around pretending I'm looking for someone
>sure enough
>eyeing me
>walk around to the other side of the store
>walk out
you remind me of myself and all the kids in my neighborhood. we were little fucking assholes and those were some of the best times of my life
Did you live in Arkansas?
We would ding dong ditch, steal big ass tires, ride our bikes from sun up to sun down, ride our bikes through grocery stores, flip off random cars, go "stringing" where 2 people would stand on the opposite side of a busy street and pretend to play tug of war.
i love you bro
>drinking mushroom with tea with mates in the middle of nowhere
>driving his van, all of a sudden this guy jumps out in the middle of the road flashing a head torch around
>think somethings up, pull over and talk
>he just wants a ride up the road, says its about 30 minutes up the road
>an hour passes up this road, dude still hasnt gotten out
>ask him where he needs to get out
>pulls a gun on us out of nowhere, asks for the drugs
>6 of us in the back of this van (no seats just mattresses to sit on so room to move around)
>friend kicks guys arm up, guy fires a round before i lunge on him and start beating the shit out of his face
>guy manages to push me off, friend at this point has picked up gun
>guy pulls a knife and tries to stab me, friend shoots first, hits him in the stomach
>open door while travelling at 70mph up this road and push the guy out
>look back and see all these pills scatter all over the road
>go back, guy is alive but definitely out cold, we're all freaking the fuck out, don't want to get caught on drugs and it looks bad for us since we're all fine and this dude is messed up
>guy has a bunch of hospital grade drugs in his bag
>steal half of them, wipe down gun and call police from the guys phone and wipe down phone
>wipe down anything else that might have fingerprints
>drive away, throw away gun a couple of miles up the road
>sell drugs at rave a few weeks later, make about 5 grand
Typical nigger breaking laws.
where in Arkansas? I grew up around benton county.
drug possession/use/selling

Ive grown past all of this shit though, with the exception of drugs.
Bro I'm in southwest arkansas, pls tell me you're near I need 420
Lonoke county here

Nah man
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There's so much back story to this but aint nobody got time fo dat

>be me
>living in the hood in charleston
>start kicking it with some folk set niggas
>Hang around for a few months and finally get jumped in
>Late one night at the bodega working my corner 2 cars pull up filled with my boys
>"Anon tyrone just got jacked we need to ride"
>ride through their hood looking for these dudes
>see 2 of them outside a house party with some other people
>stop out front of the house
>everyone unloads
>5 people hit 3 dead
didnt realize it was storytime thread

>be me
>be with 2 other retard friends in a small town
>night time
>pitch black and wet outside
>find shopping cart outside grocery store
>fill it with random persons tree clippings and newspapers
>take to middle of soccer field
>dowse in axe and lighter fluid
>light on fire, through cans of axe in
>sit from the forest watching this massive blaze in the middle of this field
>2 cans simultaneously explode
>We freak the fuck out, it looked like it was straight from a michael bay movie, we were also stoned as fuck
>Soccer team from above field comes jogging down the hill towards shopping cart after hearing the explosion, in single file
>me and friends run away
>next day, go to school
>here stories about how there was an explosion in the park, and all that was left in the morning was a shopping cart and a bunch of twisted metal and ash
back in college (4+ years ago now) spent two summers in a row 'car shopping' as my summer job

a friend and i would go out a few nights a week and steal shit from cars (unlocked cars only - we would go to upper class neighborhoods where we knew people both had shit in their cars and weren't careful) then sell it on ebay. went well for a long time... we each made about $3000 from it, which given that we lived at home at the time (few expenses) and just did it 3-4 hours a week was pretty decent.

unfortunately, we got a little reckless at the end after doing it successfully for so long and tried to do it one night when 1) it wasn't late enough and 2) we went to a poorer neighborhood (where people were up and out later).

as we were walking back to the car, police surrounded us - two cops walked up from each side with a guard dog. we played it pretty cool (also what the fuck else were we supposed to do?). cops separated us and were like "someone called in car prowling for a description that matched you." they spoke to both of us individually. i didn't say anything, just said we were out for a walk because we hadn't seen each other in a while, whatever. refused to answer any questions about time/place/etc. my friend, unfortunately, admitted that we had done it (why??????). thankfully, we hadn't gotten much - just one pair of nice raybans that my friend gave to them.

took us in and we spent the night in jail. that was pretty fucking shit. but our parents bailed us out the next morning. dealing with their "disappointment" etc. was also pretty fucking shit.

anyway, it was fine. didn't even have to go to court. but it cost about $2400 to deal with everything (legal fees, car got towed over the night in jail, shit like that), which was shitty but kind of felt good as it was still less than we'd earned.

haven't really committed any crimes other than drugs since.
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