I just caught the tail end of that baw thread... I don't know if I'm feeling the baws or just the feels but I'm down for some feels. Give me your best.
I was in the thread, in many baw threads past few nights...
>Love of my life ex recently got engaged
>I finally congratulated her after knowing for about 4 days
>Was shaking and tearing up the whole time
>We talked for about an hour, the convo flowed so easily, so effortless, as if we never split up, which is bad...
>She said she was worried about me, talked to me about my brother's passing and even my cousin(who was more of a brother than a cousin) I cried of course, but my heart was already aching, over her
>I gave her my new number, FB has been our only form of contact/communicationfor years
>FB is painful to go on now though, I see so many pics of my brother's that passed, reliving memories it's painful(they died within a year of each other bros 2 year anni is in oct, cuzs 1 year is in sept)
>She has not texted
I guess the vibe I got from her everytime we talked was nothing but my own delusion, sometimes it felt like she still cared, still maybe loved me a little, but yeah the fact that she hasn't texted...pretty much seals it for me. I can give her nothing absolutely nothing that her finace can, and now I know for sure, I never had a chance, she's too damned caring towards me, makes me feel too much.
But I love her anon, and I'll wait for her, I'll wait forever....for her I have all the time in the world....it hurts, but I love her anon, so damn much.
I remember you bro! Mine was the ex that sent me the invite and asked me if I was coming to her wedding on facebook.
Oh man, that was horrible to read what she was doing to you.
Heh... yeah I know that feel though.
>Came from abusive household
>Then I met her
>She taught me that there were good things in the world after all.
>Somethings worth fighting for. Worth living for.
>I told her everything. Things I never told anyone.
>I bared my soul.
>Ask her to marry me. She says yes. Best day of my life.
>Flash forward two years.
>She's crying. Hands me back her wedding ring.
>Tell her not too. Beg her not to. Says she doesn't need it anymore. Doesn't mean anything.
>Next day. Says she wants to go to dinner to talk about us.
>Still hurt from before. I told her to quit pretending.
>Another two years go by.
>I still think about her.
>Still trying to figure out how to get by without her
>Still trying to figure out WHO I AM without her.
>Everyday is a struggle.
We're all trying to figure that out.
Read Love in the Time of Cholera. Gabriel Garcia Marquez was the worlds greatest lover.
So when was the last time you checked her facebook profile?
12 min. ago here.
Fuck it feel like venting about more than just her tonight.
>Played Halo 2 for countless hours countless nights
>Older bro and cousins were there too
>Had so many fucking amazing times, just playing and dicking around doing nonsense
>Oct will be the 2 year anniversary of my brothers passing
>Less than 11 months later, a cousin, more of a brother than a cousin really, well his cancer comes back...sept is the 1 year anniversary of his passing
>Hear about Halo 2 anniversary...tfw cousin and I would talk about H2 all the time how we missed it, how we missed those days...how we missed other bro,
I never thought H2 would come out again, it just didn't seem like it was gonna happen a lot of hype about it, but nothing ever came of it. Well it's finally coming.
As unbelievable as it was to hear that news, I never in my worst nightmares ever thought it would come out, and you two wouldn't be here with me. I miss and love you guys, tell dad I'm sorry for everything.
I would like to lie and say I haven't but we both know that's just bs. About 2 hours or so...was hoping there was msg, but without a text, why do I even bother checking fb?
Fucking heart playing tricks on me.
I'm worthless for myself /b/.
>No real friends
>I'm kind of hot, all girls just have this flash in their eyes after 5 minutes, "i love him"
>Treat them good, fuck hem hard and good
>After sex i say nothing, i clean my dick and walk out
>They all just get on with their live, i sometimes add them on Facebook
>No one ever talks after it
>The friends i have use me to get cheap weed (i sell them only to friends)
>If i have trouble no one is there
>I please everyone
>Expecting nothing in return
But wait it is worse
>Every other week i am this great father
>I am a bit of a big though guy, i play with pony's, walk with the pink purses and do her hair etc
>She loves me to death, she never want's to sleep, she can't stand a minute without me
>sometimes mom's see us, i go to kid play things, i just sit and wait, nothing to do, no one to talk too. But once she comes back i seem to light up
>sometimes women come and talk how great of a dad i am and if we can meet up, just to fuck
>The only emotional connection i have is with a 6 year old girl, who is severly mistreated by her mom, i cannot do anything about it
>I raise her in the weekends she is with me, learn her how to speak, be a lady, what never to do, how to act, how read write and go to the toilet, make bread, clean herself etc. Just so she can survive the 2 weeks at her moms
>I only get shit about how i suck and don't pay alimony (i can't i'm in school so my girl can see what is good in life)
>My kid only ever saw me with my family, no one else
> "Yeah boo?"
> "Why are you always alone, never with friends like mommy, she has many"
> "Because i like to spend my time with you, no one else"
> "But you get lonely sometimes"
> "It's ok, i have school stuff to do or work"
> "Yeah" i cannot stand talking about my feelings with her, i want to say no, i need someone etc
> "it's ok then daddy, i love you soooooooooooo much, good night, you're my hero"
> "Thanks boo, it means a lot, i love you too"
Yeah... I've been talking to this girl... she told was online earlier and I said hello... then she had to go to bed right away, but promised to talk to me later. I don't know why I get my hopes up.
My favorite is Pablo Neruda. Writes about love in a way that I definitely admire
Then leave faggot. I've been here since 1996.
Why? Cause you're still hoping maybe she will lol, it's sad but everyone does the same shit. Like I said, I'd wait forever for 'her' even though she's far out of reach ahead of me.
Nah they're just a way to cope from day to day, I come here to vent and purge, only to be bale to buck up and start this shit all over again tomorrow man.
Gotta give credit for atleast trying you know?
Yeah. I find each woman I've fallen for I love in a different way and I'll feel that way forever. If any one of them said "I need you now" I'd be there even though I know it'd only be temporary
I'm slowly realizing. That eventually all the excess in booze and porn has to stop(for me). Not only is it not helping me progress, but is actively interfering with the recovery. I have to stop all the self destructive behavior, I don't mind because I hate myself. But, I am working on it.
Reading is a good escape
God that's heart wrenching man, but you know what, good on you bro! You be the father she fucking deserves, nothing else matters. You're a great dad, if you need any proof look at how her mother treats her, hopefully one day you can get custody of her, so you can take care of her the way she deserves...and so she can love you the way that you deserve
Not really a big story but it's what's currently getting me down
>one of my best friends sisters is going to college
>trip to the college is in order and he asks if I go along
>friend asks if I wanna go
>friend has other sister
>she goes along too
>talked to her for a while, listened to her problems and shit, went on for about a year
>sorta just stop talking to her
>we stayed at a hotel for 2 nights
>on the second night we ended up sleeping in the same bed
>I didn't do anything because she's not only my best friends sister, but she's never had a boyfriend and our ages are to far a part
>on the way back home
>night time, round 11
>she falls asleep leaning on me
>i rubbed her arm as I fell asleep as well
>woke up back at his house
>realizing I'll never have a real chance with her
>realizing I'm falling in love with my best friends sister who will never even consider me as an option
>mfw no matter what the circumstance is, any girl would rather go for a retard than me
Normally not big on country either, but hear it on the radio awhile back and it fucking wrecked me.
"Everytime you call and say goodbye, it's like i'm losing you again." Fuck, Anon
Like you took a wrong turn somewhere years ago... but you can't put your finger on it? And you keep trying to get back to what you used to be like and keep taking the wrong turn until you just want to stop everything all together?
Sigh... yes... I know... Sarcasm.
My point was that there have been baw threads for a while now ie not cancer... hell I remember when calling something cancer was cancer. It's b dude if you don't like it don't click on it.
And also I usually don't post in baww threads because I have multiple friends who go on here and can identify it's me, I only do it at 5 am because no ones awake and I can cry whenever I want
Yeah... That's why the whole wedding this pisses me off and should piss you off too. Why do they need to talk to us right before this shit? Are they satisfying some sense of cold feet? Or do they just like watching us squirm?
Sometimes I'll just listen to it's a beautiful day in the neighboorhood when i'm feeling like shit.
The wedding thing SHOULD piss you off man. I think getting mad and then looking out for yourself is one of the final stages of acceptance of something like this. First, everything reminded me of her. On the first anniversary of our wedding after the split I took a Xanax, Some weed with purple hairs, and got stupid drunk. First time that I literally do not remember how i got home. But then anger overtakes sadness and I think that's when you start getting better. Working on yourselve
Yeah it does piss me off. She said 'im worried about you anon' you know what where was your worry when you could've fucking told me before it was blasted all over fb?! Why the fuck is she so worried about me, and how I feel, how I'm dealing with my brother's passing, She doesn't love me, so why does she make me feel like she does, she shoudl stop being so nice and caring towards me, I'm obviously not worth her that much of her love.
I don't want to believe she's doing it on purpose, but it has crossed my mind a million times. She's always been so kind and caring of a person, so I hope she's not doing it on purpose...but she always seems to come to me when she's feeling down.
Like when they weren't together, living in diff states..she talked to me more often, then it stopped, I'm killing myself thinking of this shit
Yeah, I wonder why.
Couldn't be responsibility, could it? Couldn't be work, or money, or taxes, or real world things. Fucking Buddhist hippie, I swear.
No, they're probably suffering from Insomnia, or an excess of energy because they spent the day doing absolutely nothing but lurk retarded baw threads.
What if the other person is thinking the exact same retarded thing? Fuck, just talk to eachother. If you have doubts, don't. Simple as that.
That's bullshit. You can love someone who doesn't love themselves. It happens all the time. (See: Teenagers, scene kids, etc.) Self-pity can be attractive to young adults.
It probably isn't everything you want. You just haven't seen enough of the world to even make that sort of retarded blanket-assessment on life. You got dumped that one time, or the "love of your life" never knew you even existed and you think that's that. You just give up like a little girl.
Who cares, fuck. Stop acting like depressed 70 year old men in your fucking early teens. I bet most of you aren't even over 25. You dont know shit about life. So please stop pretending like you do by parroting popular melancholic misquotes from dead people.
>This whole episode
Shit hit too close to home at the time I first saw it. "Why don't he want me man." Pretty much destroyed me at the time.
It's a great feeling knowing now that I've rebuilt my relationship with my Dad, but those feelings never truly go away.
Yeah the Robin pic is what I'll be posting probably lol just have to work through it, might take a while.
Anyway man, good night /b/ro, hope your day is better tomorrow than it was today :)
Thanks for talking, and thanks for listening, it's much appreciated.
I know when I took the wrong turn. I am who I used to be, but now I have to live with the decisions I've made.
I don't expect forgiveness, because I don't forgive myself. I don't even expect understanding, because I don't understand it myself.
They're gone now, and the person I was when they left was a person they were rightly ashamed of.
And I have to live with that.
We both know you'll get over it. Why even bother pretending that's not the case? Why choose to be all mopy and shit?
Biggest waste of your time.
So here's my story, /b/. I know you fuckers probably don't care, worse has been and will be done to other anons, but it still feels like total shit.
>16 year old faggot (am 18 at time of writing)
>Have moved schools a lot in my life.
>2/3s the way through sophomore year, move again
>In band meet this cute girl Mickey
>Too much of a beta faggot to talk to her
>Plus, she's the girlfriend of the ringleader of the friend group I was accepted into
>Just decide to leave it alone.
>Alone 100% of the summer
>Family's poor, we don't do shit
>Didn't make much of a name for myself within the school, so no friends want to hang out
I was horrible to my step dad when I was little. Bio dad was manipulative abusive pos who poisoned me against step dad. I was a child, it wasn't all my fault but I still carry around the guilt...it's been over 10 years since his passing, I regret not loving him like he did me. I'm sorry dad, I'm so fucking sorry for everything, if it's any consolation, I feel like shit now, feel worthless. I love you and miss you though, I'm sorry I didn't love you back, and I'm sorry I can't make your proud even now, please forgive me.
Step dad was my real father loved me as his own...and all I could give back was hate and anger towards him. I'm so fucking sorry I figured it out all too late, I love you....
>Fucking excited as shit
>Decide to stop being a beta faggot and become the class clown
>Still feel lonely and shit, but people laugh at my jokes and I feel like I'm doing good
>Also hang out with people after school pretty often, so that's cool
>Mickey sometimes laughs at my jokes
>She picks on me a lot, and I pretend to mind, but 's'cute
>Winter break becomes a thing
Goddamn those lyrics, those fucking lyrics
I know man. I heard that shit for the first time on the radio on the way to work. Tears running down my face before the end of it.
"If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?What do you want me to say?
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?"
>Come back to school
>She and boyfriend no longer together
>Turns out he hurt her pretty bad. Never did find out if it was emotionally or physically
>She forgave him, but they split up
>Can't confront him about it
>Killing a friendship with him means killing a friendship with everyone I know, including Mickey.
>Start talking more and more with her
>We hang out, delinquent it up at walmart and shit
>General teenage bullshit
>I tell her how I feel
>She says she's felt the same way for a while, and would like to go out, but wants to keep it a secret for a while, as she doesn't want to be looked at as a whore.
>This is fine with me, eventually we break the news to anyone who would listen
>Get through school year fine, have some good times
>Long, painful to type story short, she ended up leaving me for him because he deserved a second chance
I didn't even get my first chance.
It fucking sucks. I love the dude to death, but I hate talking to him because it reminds me of her.
Someone said it a few nights ago in a baw thread...Feelinga that I thought were dead just feel like they died all over again. That's what it felt like to find out 'she' was engaged lol god I have so many fucking problems
I have been engaged and married. I fought like hell for all of it. But if it isn't meant to be, eventually you won't be able to hold it together.
Someone has to step and go to bat for that relationship everytime. When it's always you, eventually you get tired. Then you give up. You watch the ship sink. Maybe it's better this way.
God I have to say that's just so fucking low and dirty of her man that really is. I'm sorry it happened to you, but as fucking cliche and fucked up as it sounds, if she could do that to you now...think of what she'd be able to later on, I know it may not seem like it, but it's good you aren't together with someone that could do that shit to you.
she really seemed to beat herself up about it, and looking back, our relationship was extended for my sake. I still care about her a lot. It just sucks to know someone makes her happier than I do.
Yeah it is, and that's what ended some of my other relationships, after 'her' I kept trying, and you know what it wasn't worth it. The other girl wouldn't do her part...I loved the other girl, but it was no where near the love I had for 'her'...which is why I'm here to just vent
Yeah man iktf...all to well. You aren't alone there though, so you can come here to vent whenever...I have found b has always been here, which can be shocking at times...that anon cares so much
Thanks bro, i need it. My family admires my strenght and my parenting skills. Besides drinking it is the only thing i am really good at. I have the homer simspon picture, but fillet with photo's of her. Hanging above my bed and in my room. Reminding me not to fuck up.
If my girl is 12, she can choose the parent. That gives my 6 year to get everything right. So i am getting a degree, i have a lot of fancy stuff she likes. And i have been looking for 3 years nog. And i think i found the perfect women. But i don't know if she can accept my past...
I know how the anons be. It's great.
Just sucks because some of my friends are anons, and they'd know who I am right off the bat.
I'm the only one who stays up this late, though, so that's nice.
>Finally drank away her memory
>Life is short but this time it was bigger
>Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
Heavy shit, sometimes I wonder what will be too much to get up from my knees
That's awesome man that really is. Well if you think this woman is perfect...she should be able to accept your past, I mean just look at what you're doing right now? Not many people would do that...but you are, good on you anon, and keep it up :)
That's good, and yeah I have to stay up late too, to let some feels out. Everyone at the house is asleep now, all cept me. Anon /b/ros are always here for each other.
The end will be too much, and that's all man, you just have to keep going, no matter what. Who reason I come to these threads, to reset myself and start all over the next day...and I'll continue to do this until no one else in my life counts on me, but for now it's what I do to buck up and take on another day, for my nephews, my mom, my family...for myself
Her name is love, her name is life...
Because all you have of her is memories now...
I think because your memories of her remind you of a time where you were happy. You need to go out and try to make new memories of someone else who can make you happy.I take the coward's way man. I drink because it numbs the pain
To be honest, i use a lot of women, like i said earlier. I'm a gaint asshole to everyone, i don't connect emotionally and i am an alcoholic (quited 3 nights a go, but i never get past a month). I don't know if i deserve it, i don't think i should. But everyone say's so, everyone think i am a great dad, besides me... If i truley deserve it, it will happen.
Thanks men, shit means a lot...
i stoped smoking because of her, every time i tried to shut my brain off i just felt heartbroken i could phisicaly felt it.
so i got drunk till oblivion, but all i ever acomplished was to forget even my name and still remember hers.
time will heal you, theres not much you can do.
>so i got drunk till oblivion, but all i ever acomplished was to forget even my name and still remember hers.
I understand completely. What I really want to know is how do you stop this cycle of self destruction?
And who's to say those women weren't just using you? That's neither here nor there man.
You're a great father, that's all that matters. If only other fathers were the same...maybe there wouldn't be so much pain here on b.
You'll get her one day man, and you'll be the best father you can be.
The fact that you're trying to stop drinking is huge, don't think so little of it.
How to stop the cycle of destruction? You have to let it go, you have to take time to work things out...time, a lot of fucking time. Feels like it's taking too much time for me, but that's what it'll take man...time.
I apologize, but that song just reminds me of 'her' she loved Blink 182 we used to listent o this...it's hard to not relate to that song now...and I miss you and...every other one of our fucking songs.
I love her still I listen to this and other songs daily now lol it's pretty sad actually.
No man....no fucking no, this was one of our songs, one of the most powerful ones, Although it was the 311 version, it was that song...and get this she posted that shit on my fucking fb one day out of nowhere, looking back at it now, it was like she was toying with me or something. But at the time, I thought maybe...just maybe she still had some feelings for me
I read the baww story's. From kids who hate their parents, and they found out everything is different once they die. You know the once i mean? I don't have them. That is the kind of dad i am, suffer in silence. Those things break my heart though.
I tried quiting a bunch of times. Sometimes girls, sometime friends and sometimes family just show up with alcohol for me. Sometimes i can't take it and get a bottle of wodka, num the pain. Shit hard.
Why the hell not;
>School just started after spring break and it was boring as usual, not many friends etc
>New class is kinda ok, but I'm just socializing with a group of 3 other dudes like every other year
>Heard a rumour that a girl and a boy in my class had a fight
>Messaged her on facebook what happened
>Heard the story, tell her it sucked and exchanged phone numbers
>(First time ever talking alot to someone over texts)
>She already had a boyfriend who was also in my class
>They broke up
>We get better and better as friends, then I started to feel something for her
>One night, after our first experience with weed together, we kissed
>tfw I thought I accomplished something
>It wasn't awkward at that moment and it felt really great for us both
>After some days of texting I opened up to her, told her how I felt
>She doesn't feel the same about me, but still wants to be friends.
>Couple of months later, she has a dick of a boyfriend who is literally abusing her and I'm still in the so called friendzone.
>Everytime we meet because this dude made her cry, I'd lighten up her day and make her feel better
>And every fucking time she leaves me eventually to make time for her boyfriend bcuz she doesn't want to lose him
Althought I still got feelings for her, I feel pretty good to lighten her day up. She is the only girl that ever loved me, eventho it's not in the way I wanted her to love me. I'm 18 now and I still talk to her alot. I just hope that someday we could end up together ..
Ah well, life goes on, we'll see what the future brings.
We would just lay in her bed and sing blink songs together. It was the one time I felt like nothing was wrong in the world. I can't even listen to one of my favorite bands 2 years later because of her.
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Then you were like my step dad, I was horrible to him as a kid...>>560723967
My step dad too was an alcoholic, after his work injury left him unable to work and what not, he drank a lot.
Yeah I wasn't able to listen to many songs, or watch some of those movies either man.
Check this out, after she had posted Love song on my FB wall
Been years since I heard that, always liked the 311 version more though lol
Her: I know that.. But I heard the cure version. At least it reminds me of you; don't be a brat :P
Aww I wasn't being a brat so :P right back. Just thought maybe you didn't remember which one I liked the more lol. I heard Everlong today..
Her: Aw well I always think of u when I hear that I couldn't listen to those songs for a long time after we stopped talking
Indeed, I would hear em and just tune it out...And watching Garden State forget it lol
Her: haha yeah I don't watch that anymore
Yeah I liked that movie too, so thanks a lot lol
Her: haha sorry dude
>She was right next to me
>after all this time
>it was worth it
>she had become more beautiful than before
>time treated her well
>I was still a bit haggard after all my hard work to create cartoons and learn to play music
>we were in my old room
>packing my things up to move in together
>she smiled and we were happy
>I leave to go to the bathroom
>I come back and she’s sitting at my old computer with lots of pictures opened up
>she seems cross
>asks me to explain all these things
>I sit down next to her on the floor and look at the screen
>I read over the words and explain to her that in her absence I flocked to the internet
>with reckless abandon I threw all my hate to the anonymous users
>it was a game kinda thing
>a cool kinda thing
>she accepts it and I raise my hand to massage her neck
>she cringed, and I had forgotten she had an issue with people touching her neck
>she was abused that way as a child
>I quickly apologize and we hold hands
>we’re looking through all my old caches of photographs together
>as I explain to her all the things I did in her absence
>I practiced film, made a few movies
>I played synthesizer and made an album
>I became a graffiti artist and painted walls
>I became a programmer and developed videogames
>I was a coder and made websites
>I was a cartoonist and made a comic series
>all these things had a harsh undertone that I had missed my love
>I didn’t need to tell her what was in my heart
>she looked over at me with tearful eyes and said
>I love you
>seconds later the room collapses and she’s screaming as she is being yanked away from me
>I’m waking up
>to my parents bursting into my room
>shrieking at the top of their lungs holding the empty bottle of liquor
>telling me I’ll never be a real human being, wasting my life
>telling me I’ll never find true happiness
>what they didn’t know was that I did
>until they woke me up
And I have to say this, that's not ok for her to be in that type of relationship. You can't force her to be away from him, cause then you'll be hte enemy, but fuck man, that's horrible. Remind her she doesn't deserve that...remind her you're there, maybe tell her you love her...more than just friends. Let her know there are better people out there, and that you're one of them
captcha victims...tell her not to be one
I love my kid, because i know she is my own. I wasn't sure about it for a while. But now, seeing how she acts. What things she say, jokes she make. Everyone say's she looks like me till they see her mom.
But if you see us togheter you know, they are the same. That is why i love her. I can't bare any other childeren. I don't like kids. So to love one from another would be so hard.
Anyway, i had the same deal. A few times, even her mom tolled her i was a worthless sack of shit. Everytime she cried and i had to force her to go with me. She cried hard, you could hear my heart break... After a few months of that shit i just turned arround. She cried, she didn't want to go. Like always. I turned arround, didn't say a word. Went to the car. She screamed, she begged to go with me. I went home. I nearly drank myself to death. Her mom called 13 times. Leaving voicemails, even she went crying.
Morning after, 09:00 i sobered up, got a shower. I went to pick her up. Nothing but love. She never cried again about it...
I've tried to and she actually wants to break up with him from time to time but they'll get back together after some sweet words of his side.
I'm to scared to open up again because I don't want to get hurt and especially I don't want to lose her.
I also hope the best for you anon, you are not alone.
God, I used to cry for different reasons when having to go to my bio dads house on the weekends, he wasn't a good father. He basically did what your ex did to your daughter. I hated going with him, abusive loved to humiliate me...he would send me home broken and angry, and I would take it out on everyone who didn't deserve it. Bio dad is the reason I flinch when someone accidentally brushes up agianst me, why I jump even if my nephews whom I love bump my leg with theirs...and my shoulders/neck area totally off limits.
It's good your daughter sees you for what you really are though, and not what they are saying about you...I wasn't able to.
I'm sorry dad...I'm sorry everyone.
I'd recommend you don't, it'll only bring more and more pain, I've been doing that ever since I found out she was engaged.
But yeah how could I not fucking think maybe a little, that maybe she still had feelings for me after she posted that shit?
Not the picture I had saved, but whatever.
Do any of you ever hear stories and just wonder how people do it? Just normal things, that seem so surreal and odd that you just wonder why you yourself couldn't imagine it. That's really the worst feeling I have. The fact that I look at relationships, and where people find happiness and social acceptance in and from the bottom of my heart, just don't understand how they do it.
Hell, even just asking someone out or going to a bar alone seem so odd and out of reach. Idk. Sometimes I just feel overrun, like I have no chance of doing the simplest of things no matter how far I may have come.
Yes, I don't understand how people are...people. I've never been 'normal' and I've always wondered what it would be like to be that, and to be happy...not have to hide who I really am.
Yeah why would she bring something from your past up unless it affected her in some way too?
I just wish I could hear from her ya know? Even if it's just something like that. But it's just been 2 years of nothing.
I don't blame my kid for it. I can't, i can teach her how things work. Like i do. I spend as much time to make her a good person. Before time runs out...
You understand me, you know that one she aint going to come over. She has friends, family or just dousn't want to go. Last fathersday she wanted to go to a party of a friend. It would be the first fathers day her mom would let me see her. The only other special day is her birthday, we would go and eat icecream. But she lives 3 hours away now. We can't anymore.
Anyway, from a father to a son. Don't be sorry. You know why? You can't help it, you were made this way. You can feel sorry, but it won't help. If i was your dad, or step dad or what ever, i would have seen it. He propably did, that is why he drank much. He didn't know what to do. No one did, it was just this sick play they did on you. The only thing to make it right now, is buy something nice, make a dinner or who gives a shit. For the once you live. And tell them your story. After that, be happy. Be gratefull, say thanks, i love you, appriciate things. Excuses the bad English, i don't have correction... Anyway, you get the point right? Be the person you should be, not the person who you were shaped to be!
Yeah exactly...and yet she did, and now she's engaged. It's cruel I don't she did it on purpose, but it's crossed my mind...millions of times.
My god anon, that seriously has me in tears, fucking thank you. It really was bio dads game...playing a game with his own fucking child what a bastard he was.
But thank you again you may or may not know just how much that means to me, and I know he drank for other reasons, wasn't just me, but I wish I didn't add to it is all. And I am, since his [assing, I have changed a lot, not even talking to my bio dad...have feelings now other than anger and hate...taking care of my nephews as if they were my own kids, my brother used to be around to help, but hes gone, so I'm still doing my best with these nephews
Reading this makes me feel a fuck-ton better.
Seriously, why the fuck do baw threads accomplish god damn nothing? It's just a bunch of emo pictures adn woe-is-me bullshit posts that don't solve anyones problems!!
Tell me, what the fuck is the point of doing these threads if all we do is cry more to ourselves?
I get the same feeling, like everything that I want is so alien to me it scares me, I imagine people or myself in different situations and I'm just like.....how?
Some people don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff so they keep it bottled up inside. Here we can be ourselves and relate to each other's problems, maybe even find a solution to them. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone in your misery.
I'll tell you. People go out and have experiences, and they do it over and over again. It's awkward at first, but over time, it becomes a habit like coming onto this site. Experiences, time, and practice are the keys to a "normal" life.
>be 15 year old me
>meet girl around my city
>talk a few months she's into me and I'm into her but I was too beta to do anything
>I was into her a lot she was perfect for me
>go to different schools so it's difficult to talk but i still do it
>about 2 weeks before I decide to ask her out she randomly stops talking to me
>Try about 100 times to talk to her but she leaves or ignores me
>fast forward a few months
>I hung out with the wrong sort of people
>my group of friends hated this other group
>walking to McDonald's alone one night
>rival group there hanging out with her and one guy is all up on her
>try to ignore
>"I'm talking to you pussy"
>girl is just sitting there telling them to stop but they won't listen I see she still cares for me
>guy comes up to me and asks where my friends are
>"I don't know"
>"Well that sucks"
>walking out of mcdonalds
>"what the fuck do you want?"
>"come on fight me"
>want to say no but the girl was just staring with her amazing big eyes
>don't want to show I'm a bitch
>I am winning but
>his friends come in and push me then start kicking me and hitting me
>all I am focused on is the girl sitting on the curb on a guys lap
>doesn't even try to make them stop
>never hear from her but whenever I see her she quickly walks away
After 4 years I still care about her and have feelings but she probably couldn't care less even after she watched me get the shit beat out of me. Not sure if baw or not but it gets to me deep
I know, i know. Life is getting better right? Still you hang out in baww treaths. Mayby looking for awnsers? If you ever want to have some, i might have some. I'm 24, i have lived 4 lives now. I've seen a lot of things, heart a lot of things etc.
You want my kik or e-mail?
>tfw I got into a relationship with my ex gf after her bf killed himself
>tfw she was never over it and he was a brother to me for 8+ years
She's also an alcoholic...The shit I put up with man...Ive never loved someone so much, but she just wouldn't let me in. Now i'm stuck in a life(or lack there of) that i despise. I'm depressed, hate myself, and being alive. Shes pretending to be happy and moved on instantly. I'll never understand women. Why they feel the need to lie and not be honest with their feelings. It's selfish to tell someone you love them still when they can see you're fading away. The only person I've ever been 100% honest with in my life. Didn't really matter in the end. Life sucks..I miss my friend more than ever now, and the only connection I have to him left really is her. Currently "it gets better" seems like a fucking lie.
Some of us have overcome oir misery
Some of us have solved our problems
Some of us dont come here to vent or to be 'emo'
But we all carry those feelings inside, amd it's better to come together than to shy away from our problems
If not im sure we would all be in a lot more pain than we're in
dumping some old stuff from when I used to hang out in baaww threads all the time. thinking of doing that again ;_;
I come here to vent to get me to another day without hurting myself in a bad way you know?
It's crazy that I'm older than you man but I think the trauma I suffered kinda left me in that teenage type place, if that makes sense. An email would be cool, don't even have a kik. I might not use the email, but I might Thank you
I guess what you guys are saying make sense. My biggest issue is that we don't know each other, we're just Anonymous squares of texts that pop up! And after the thread 404s, we just disappear.
There has to be more that we can do for each other...
We are just text to each other...strangers for sure, I find it easier to open up to strangers about my deep down feels.
And who knows, for some, maybe that's all they need, to just let it out, for someone to hear them, to tlak to em...even if for just a little while.
this girl for me was, poetically or ironically enough, named 'Juliet'. unfortunately I wasn't her romeo so I spent 3 years after she got a boyfriend in love with her, one year of which I was with another girl I didn't really love. broke up with that latter girl because I got smitten with another, beautiful, intelligent, charming and funny girl and even though I broke up without the intent of getting with this girl, I kind of dated her a couple of times and kissed her goodnight on our last date. maybe what I needed to get over my Juliet. now that last girl is on vacation in some exotic asian country with a female friend and a male friend who could, for all I know, be her ex(?)boyfriend. not sure though and I don't wanna be so stalkery to find that out. just letting it all come to me...
>I come here to vent to get me to another day without hurting myself in a bad way you know?
How does these treaths make you not wanting to hurt yourself?
I'm fucked up in the brain, no doubt about that. One girl left me because of it, She liked it at first, but after a while she didn't... Anyway that is a other story. My e-mail is email@example.com i don't look at it much, i use it for crappy things...
Ok. Little bit of a back story. Me and my mother have never been close at all. Always fighting and arguing in any case here goes.
>be me, apparently at a football camp
> practice ends so I head up to the bunkers we were housed in
> bump into my mom on the way there
> apparently she dropped by for a visit
> hear a ton of shouting and turn to look
> a group of somewhat young adults are spraying people with water
> see them look at us and point the hose in our direction
> tell my mom to step back so she doesn't get sprayed
> look to see who it is (they hid behind a car)
> walk to the side of the car and as I am about to see who it is a gun gets pulled on me
> proceed to freak the fuck out and ask what these fuckers want (2 muggers, both armed)
> 150 dollars
> for some odd reason I have them on me
> in THE SAME EXACT PLACE I had them earlier today.
> in any case pull out a 50 and offer it to them as I'm not about to lose all of it
> the person they owe the money to shows up and tells them to let us go
> oddly enough one of the muggers gives me the gun
> I look back at my mom and wonder if I should run away or take it and shoot them
>Either way I put my mom in danger
> so I take the gun and use it as leverage as we slowly back away and head to my room
Welp that's the main part guys. Thoughts? It goes on but really side tracks dractically. Can continue if there's interest. Also sorry for the shitty greentext
Meet up somewhere, email each other, message on some other social site! I've always believed that we are all responsible for our own suffering because of our own actions and decisions. It's the reason I have a hard time in life, I believe everything that's wrong in my life is my fault...
It's my fault I don't have a girlfriend, It's my fault that I'm a 6/10, It's my fault that I'm unsatisfied with my social life, It's all my fucking fault!!!!!
even though I'm romantically incapable of doing even the most basic things right I'm still pulling through. my academic career up to date was to impeccable to not use my gift and do good for humanity. and once I'm a physician, I won't have time for women anyway, working over-hours and being on call all the time... maybe some nice nurse will accompany me in my darkest nights in the on-call room ;_;
That's fucking horrible man, that really is fucking despicable of her
Because I am able to let it out, lighten myself you know? Like you, inside my head, is a bad place, if I let it all bottle up and stay there...I'd do something horrible to myself.
But because I can let it out here, I can start off my day as new...put on that smile all be it fake...but a smile none the less. I can be there for those that matter to me...those that need me, and not be so trapped in my head...becuase I was able to purge myself
Everyone's diff though
I'm not so sure how to comprehend that dream, it's like you have the power over your own pain or situation? But you still love your mom even though you fight all the time...you'd still protect her.
That's the point of these threads, and yeah sometimes you will be ignored, but doesn't it feel good to atleast let it out? I' get ignored plenty...but I also comment on plenty too, letting people know they aren't alone is a big thing sometimes.
I've tried. Her Facebook is gone, lost her number, and whenever I see her around I try to talk to her but she doesn't even act like I am there. She will keep walking even if I'm right in front of her.
Yeah man it was. Weird as hell right? I dunno it just kinda shook me up. Especially the part where the money was exactly where I put It earlier today (in my sock). But hey man thanks.
>be me, 20 y.o.
>live with GF for 4 months (more than a year together)
>sometimes i see dreams where i have another GF, maybe my crush from past and etc
>i feel happy in my dreams
>crushed, anxious, sad
>hug my GF and try to force the thoughts of the dream away
>this happens for 2 days after the dream
>i imagine how my life would be if i dated other girls
>i start "visiting" their FB pages, instagram, twitter
>then i forget about the dream, maybe another comes in a week or two where i date ANOTHER girl i used to know
>same shit happens
>tfw you don't know what to do
help me, /b/aww
i love my current GF but these dreams are destroying me
C: required painsse
I guess that's a good interpretation of it. And you're dead on about my mom. I always felt neglected as a kid and I feel like that led to resentment but it'd still do what I could for her.
I didn't think I deserved my own thread so I might as well post here I'm leaving this life tonight and I'm never coming back I'd just like to say thank you for being a family to me more then my own flesh and blood
Well you're already doing part of it, think, are these other girls really worth losing what you and you're current gf have? Here's a pic for you...
Yeah alot of people are like that, specially with family, you can be at each others throats...but if someone else did something to them...fuck that, they don't mess with your fam.
You guys ready for some OC? well sit down nigga its story time
>be 26 y/o recovering from a severe broken ankle
>had weight under control before said injury but I gained quite a bit because fucking depression sucks mang
>play on a private server for an mmo won't say which
>we start talking we have a lot of the same ideals
>says she is active and skinny likes to hike...ok
>tell her about me
>she is shy as fuck
>she can't type for shit and misspells everything
>I really like her I can tell from her personality I let certain things slide
>says she likes me a lot and I seem like a nice guy
>get her to voice chat and we are super comfortable around each other
>this goes on for a little while
>I ask her for a pic she says you first
>try to take best pic I can manage cause I am a hambeast
>scared she won't like me
>she says I look "ok"
>ask for her pic
she says and I quote: "OMG you got to be kidding, So guess my carmema broken and i got draft into the army. i cant do any voice chat or reguler chat :("
she blocks me
my fucking face for the next month
I hope you reconsider, but if you don't I'm sorry things were that bad for you anon...I'm truly sorry.
Hopefully you don't leave tonight, if you don't know we're here for you anon...always here.
you probably won't believe me, but i DID toss a coin and i know this trick about "you know what you're hoping for".
I really want to keep all that i have. I'm not trying to say that "I WANT TO LEAVE MY GF BUT I DONT WANT TO DO IT CUZ I HAVE NO NUTS", it's just that these dreams come and crush me.
tldr, i'm asking for advice on how not to get distracted.
come to 4-chan for lulz...
see feminist thread
see Baw thread
now angry and heartbroken at the same time...
My advice would be to keep thinking it through, I've had dreams like that before, I'm sure everyone has. But give it a little time, yes they'll come back, but they fade too. And these other women, do you have any contact with em? Like talks and shit, do they know you might have a crush on em...or even do they have someone else?
I'd say give it time, think long and hard about what you're doing anon.
And yeah I've the coin flip thing many times...lol my choice was always the same
I hate to say that I do but I do. I think about her a lot and what I wonder about the most is what made her stop talking to me in the first place. She was talking to me just fine. It was so random
Better yet, when someone agrees with you. Fuck that feel is crazy lol, it does feel good though. But yeah like I said, talk to others on here, even if your comment gets ignored, talking can be good. Works for me at least.
>i love my current GF
are you though? had the same problem with my ex gf, always thinking/dreaming about other girls although I tried to force myself to love her. but when I inevitably broke up with her I didn't even look back once.
I've posted many parts of my story man, all in this thread. My current biggest problem is >>560718585
That's why I'm here, just to vent, let it out, so I can just get through another day.
>6th grade Was givien Adderal for "a.d.h.d"
>7th grade Started smoking pot
>8th grade took LSD freaked out
>9th grade Was Suicidal and addicted to Adderal
>10th grade tried to kill myself went to psych ward
>11th grade Met a girl lost virginity and fell in love
>12th grade start having panic attacks and became agoraphobic. Dropped out of school but got my deploma online.
> Dropped out of college freshmen year
>Girlfriend and only friend decides she Is a lesbian. Sends me a text saying she cheated then blocked me of all contact.
>2 years later still single but Just met this girl who was really cool. Got to second base with her then she stops talking to me completely then just tells me she likes someone else. Just found out that it was because I told her about my panic attacks.
Women are difficult man. The saying can't live with em and can't live without em holds so much truth. Lord knows what went through that girls mind but rest assured if she would sit by and watch you get your ass beat she'd be a horrible relationship partner so maybe it was for the best and you should look for greener pastures?
Good, that means you want to fucking live...so you know what you're gonna do? Live another day...take it day by day man, it's hard we all know...one day at a time, but just keep going /b/ro keep fighting, cause you should live :) we're here
Yeah man, we're in the same boat. The main reason I keep going is because there are people that count one me. Nephews mom, nieces...and they mean more to me than I do myself.
I'm sure you feel that way about your daughter, and that's the mark of a great man...a great father.
Also thanks for the email, if I ever need to I will use it, it's very much appreciated.
Shitty as fuck, over goddamn panic attacks?
Exactly. Love my mother to death no matter what. In any case thanks for listening and lending me an ear anon it meant alot. Hope your life starts turning up for good. I'm off for the night or morning actually. Take care and Goodluck on living out your life.
Seriously /b/ I don't remember the last time I was truely happy, I have no friends, every relationship falls apart because I always fuck shit up. Honestly not sure how much longer I can live Like this and I don't know what to do
My father and his dad haven't really spoken since my grandmother died. The other day, when we celebrated my dads 50th, my grandfather wasn't there. Nor was his brothers, only his sister. I don't really have a relationship with my grandfather either, but that day, I got angry. He lives in the same town as them, so I marched down there, alone, and said he should come by. Said he couldn't that day, but I made him promise to come by one day soon.
My dad doesn't realise I didn't do it for myself, but for him. I mean, ffs, my dad has been through enough shit, he doesn't need this.
Yeah man. Just mail. I'm a bit stressed out at the moment, having a lot of trouble with my parents. They want me out of the house. But i'm alone, no money etc. I don't know how to deal with it.... They think it is easy as fuck.
As long as you're willing to fight. We're always here, at diff times of course, diff people, but we're always here...take it one day at a time anon, that's all any of us can do.
Everyone who isn't going through 'the shit' thinks it's easy. Ever talk to em about it? The fact that you are trying to better yourself, not only for you, but for your daughter?
Just to let you know, the fact that you HAD a girlfriend, a person that LIKED you more than a friend is a legendary fucking accomplishment that you should be proud of. For me, that shit feels like it's out of my league and I'm not even that bad looking.
I do understand that, that just having had someone was amazing. And this fucking girl was amazing, god I love her even now. It didn't happen by me going to her 'hey be my gf' it just happened almost by accident? Idk, we just found each other even though we weren't looking.
It'll happen to you anon, as long as you keep going man.
Thanks anon, but literally I just feel stuck, im 20 and nothing I do makes me happy. I literally can't feel saticfied with anything. And It feels like no one can help me or even wants too. I know you say just to take it day by day but ive been doing that for 8 years. Once my mom is dead and my father too, Then I think i might do it
So, finding someone happens by accident.
Thanks anon. I've been so pissed that it hasn't happened yet, and I'm 18 and going to a university in a month, so I've been scared about that.
It'll come naturally, that's all I needed to know.
8 years and so young? That's a long time to carry around that pain anon. But I know what that's like, I really do, been carrying around my own since..well since as far back as 2nd grade?(27 now, old as fuck, you do the math lol) That was long time ago...I've thought about waht I'm gonna do when mom ultimately meets her end...and its fucking heartbreaking I can really think of ntohing other than...you know.
But at the sametime I have nephews and nieces that need me too...so I'm confused as fuck, just like you.
I know I could get a girlfriend easily but I would have to lie about who I am and become something I'm not.
I used to think the way you did too anon but then randomly it happened and I spent two years with her and those were the best two years of my life but I have a curse that every relationship I form I get stabbed in the back or cheated on.
Sometimes by accident. Dude you're going to a university? That opens up a whole world man...you live life while you're there man, you live life right now, you're young man. Everyone always says college is way diff from hs. And yes, things come naturally you know? They happen as you live and go through life :) you're gonna be ok
I imagine it was hard for my parents to deal with me. I'mnot sure exactly what to say, but talk to em again when you can, just let em know you're doing your best, cause you really are, and you are in fact bettering yourself man
> be last year
> be with soul mate
> give my whole life away to be with her
> one night be going to a gas station
> some asshole backs into my car
> I get out, he gets out
> hes drunk wishing for a fight
> beat his ass and the cops come take me away
> in jail for 3 months
> come home finally
> call her, call her.. and call her
> She answers
> about to pour heart out
> anon how could you leave me, how could you leave me alone
> please dont call anymore I have found someone else
> im also pregnant with your child
> there isnt words to express how dead I am inside
Your pain is over 9000, sorry to hear that :/. I am 20 but I don't get along with any of my peers. Not to sound pretentious but they are all immature and don't have the same goals and ideaologies as me. I really feel lonely and that no one understands me lol < I know that sounds really emo but its truly how I feel
Ouch man if it does happen as in you get kicked out I'm not sure waht I can say to help. But you have to find away...you will find a way, someone like you who has someone that counts on you..you'll find away, just never give up.
I'm sorry if it sounds like cliche and shit, but I can only offer words, and encouragement, and I'll do that.
Yeah I felt that way my whole life man, had to grow up quick, didn't have a normal childhood. I get ya man but like you said, you're 20 dude. You going to school or anything?
I was going to a community college but dropped out because I couldn't afford my apartment and had to start working full time. Honestly, I'm scared to go back.
>1 I have extreme social phobia now
>2 I don't know what to do with my life, no paths seem fulfilling.
It mostly does. But with all the times picking me up from the police or jails. Kid at young age etc. They just get annoyed by everything i do and every one i know etc. Last time i moved out, they came crying to me. I hadn't spoken to them in a month and they just missed me even though all the crap. They just don't remember now, they see me as the devil.
Phobia is a killer, well if you can man, give it another try, even if you drop out again...maybe you can try later on? The point is to never give up
Good, and yeah even though you may cause problems...you're still their child, and you have their grand daughter, maybe it'll blow over, maybe they'll open their eyes and see you. I hope it works out for you anon, I really do.
You know, all my life I've been dealing with being isolated from everyone else. No invited me hangouts or parties. Nobody really cared about who I was or how I felt. No one was interested in me and I have never had a relationship with someone before. Because I was just nobody to them.
And yet, in a place of pure anonymity, where nobody actually knows me, is where I get to finally feel like someone.
How is the a sad quote?
I know what I love. Liquor, drugs, and loose women. and they all try to kill me in the end.
I just smile back.
Problem with being Alpha. My parents try to be, need to be alpha. But i'm natural alpha. So it collopses. In 3 years it is the 8 time they want me away. But now they are really pussing it. Looking for houses and shit.
Thread seems like it's dying down, I shouldve been alseep like 6 hours ago lol. But if it does die while I brush my grill, I just want to thank you, for letting me vent, listening/talking to me...helping me get to another day. This wont be the last time we talk, I'll be around, I'm sure you guys will too
Thank anons, thank you
Been good talking to you guys, and all the others who have longed gone to bed. Goodnight all you anons, always here for me, always listen to my whining...it's appreciated, thank you.
hope your day is better tomorrow than it was today anons :)