Tard Stories Thread. I'll start. >9th grade >my school

shameless self-bump

Alright, here's another, if anyones lurking.
>Its lunch time, me and my circle are in the school courtyard, shooting the shit.
>Remington usually is there first, but for some reason, he's late.
>eventually, he does show up, a little out of breath and in a fit of the giggles.
>I ask him what's up, he gets all serious.
>"Panties are real."
>wat?
>"Anon, panties are real."
>he reaches into his pockets, and just pulls out two fistfulls of panties and shows me.
>"Real."
>he laughs and runs off, throwing panties into the crowd, causing a panic.
>tard wranglers rush to the scene, but Remington gave them the slip, disappearing into the crowd.
>I don't see him until 8th period and halfway through the class, wranglers show up and take him away.

He got off with a slap on the wrist, the cheeky tard.

Fuck, is anyone lurking?

>>559916210
yes bro

>>559914249
Bump. Got nothin to contribute but enjoying the read.

Lurking...

>>559916392
Another Remington story, I guess.
>time to take the PSAT's.
>get to the testing rooms, guess who's here.
>Remington.
Alright, at the time, I didn't know you needed some kinda identification to take the test. I left all that shit at home.
>start to panic, fuck, its over, man.
>ask teach, says its fine, I just gotta get another person to verify who I am when they call attendance.
>ask Remington, he says okay.
>they start attendance, and get to my name.
>"Who can verify this is Anon?"
>Remington stands up and booms,
>"THAT IS ANON, MY FELLOW OTAKU IN ARMS, FIGHTING FOR HIS FUTURE TODAY."
>everyone is quiet except me, because I'm laughing my ass off.
>"IS MY WORD ENOUGH TO IDENTIFY MY COMRADE?"
>teacher is shaken, just replies with a soft "y-yes.".
>"AFFIRMATIVE! PLEASE PROCEED, SENSEI."
>teach tries to continue, Remington shoots me a thumbs up and wink.

Could barely finish my test, was too busy holding my sides together.

>>559914249
bump for remington

Lurking here

>>559915468
OP who's panties were they

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bump for more remington

>>559916717
Fuck yeah. Keep 'em coming

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Tard thread?

Gotta have Neal

WE GO AGAIN

>>559916717
>fellow otaku
>comrade
>sensei
Kek

Shit, I hope some anons got some stories, I'm almost out.
>in PE
>we're supposed to be doing laps, but teach doesn't give a fuck, lets us do whatever.
>I'm hanging out with Remington and a few of my bros in the shade, watching the girls play tennis.
>out of nowhere, Remington says, "I wanna play tennis."
>I try to convince him he can't, the girls are playing, they don't want us there, etc.
>Remington is having none of it, he justs walks to the court.
>5 minutes later, he comes back.
>"They won't let you play, huh?
>"They said I need a partner, but no one wants to partner with me."
>he said it in a completely flat voice like normal, but I felt for the dude.
>"Hey, Remington, I'll be your partner."
>"Really, anon?"
>"Yeah."
Just a note, I had absolutely no idea how to play Tennis, but I couldn't leave my tard buddy hanging.
>we walk to the court, and all eyes are on us.
>the coach obviously told him he needed a partner as an excuse to let him not play.
>I mean, who would partner with a tard?
>yeah.
>anyway, we get set up with the gear, and get in position, they let us serve, cuz tard.
>Remington serves the ball with the force of a thousand Sunny D's, gets us our first point.
>he single-handedly destroys them, me being a partner only in name.
>afterwards, they demand a rematch, but Remington brushes them off, says he's bored.
>he spends the rest of PE drawing in the dirt with a stick and talking about WWII.

>>559917269
Chronicles of Neal is the best shit ever.

Anyone have fatsmcgee?

>>559915468
keep going

>>559916717
For the love of Jesus keep going

I'm really high and this is the tits

>Be 16
>School has like 4 tards total
>Go on field trip to Tennessee Aquarium
>Huge fucking tard named Clinton
>Runs up to this tank with giant catfish in it
>Slams into the glass
>Glass actually cracks
>Water spews from it dousing us all
>Clinton gets taken away
>Tank goes dry before they can reseal it
>Goddamn catfish all die
>Clinton is given ice cream
Why do they reward that kind of shit?

where can i find me a remington of my own

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>>559916717
>>559915468
>>559914249
>tfw you will never finish school with tards on your side

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Bumping, Remington sounds badass

Alright, last story about Remington, its why he had to leave my school.
>its lunchtime, Remington is where we usually meet, only this time, someone's with him.
>its this chick with huge tits.
>"Anon, meet ma woman."
>she waves and says hi, voice gives her away for total mental tard, just gutter noise.
>everyone show up, Remington introduces her to everyone, everything is normal.
>FF 20 minutes.
>we're done eating, just talking, and I notice Remington kissing his girl.
>I decide to cheer him on as a joke, boost his confidence instead.
>my friends join in, cheer him on as well.
>That's when he started to hit second base and put his hand down her pants.
>lolwut.
>everyone is quiet now, but Remington keeps going and pulls out her tits.
>won't lie, pretty nice tits for a tard.
>at this point, a small crowd has shown up, and is just losing its shit.
>Remington decides "fuck it" and whips out his cock and just starts stroking.
>did I forget to mention that his tard queen is just fucking barking like a bitch in heat this entire time?
>tard wranglers hit the scene, but Remington will not be denied.
>he fucking fights them with his tard strength, lays out one dude.
>eventually, they take him down, and drag him away, still erect.

I never saw him at school again after that.

I miss the tard.

>>559914249

>be me
>working at a group home for various tards
>get new resident, paperwork says non-verbal autist, fecal digger, etc.
>never met a fecal digger.. didn't know what to expect
>one day everyone is eating dinner
>new resident stands up, drops his shorts and pulls a shit nugget out
>holds it up like its the ring from lotr
>he signs "smart" in sign language

and that's how I learned what a fecal digger was

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>>559917835

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>>559917696
>>559917696

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>>559917453
I answer the call

Dumping all the greentext tards I have

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>>559917421
remington is the fucking best

>>559917421
This guy doesn't sound like your typical retard.
Was he just really autistic or some shit? Or just slow?

anyone got the story that's the buffalo chicken wings one? that's my favorite so far. I wonder if there are others like that one

>>559917895
top kek

>>559918118
yes fats mcgee

>>559918118
I like you

>>559917895
Remington is the shit. This is fucking gold.

Someone screencap Remington as out new lord and saviour.

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>>559914249
>about 6 years ago
>I'm a senior in high school
>tards eat lunch at the same time my grade does
>notice two tards speaking more loudly than usual
>arguing escalates
>tards screaming at each other
>one tard is much bigger and taller than the other tard
>small tard punches big tard in the face
>small tard screams "MY MOM TOLD ME NO ONE CAN TAKE MY JUICE POUCH!"
>big tard starts crying
>stare in awe at what I just witnessed

>>559918148
Nope. He was a tard. Or at least high functioning.

He looked normal, but his voice sounded like he always ate peanut butter.

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>be me
>highschool
>gifted and talented program
>make us throw a celebration for the tard Olympics
>have some ribbon so they can feel like they're important
> first tard shows up
> can't break the ribbon to pass
>cant hold in my laughter
>everyone hates me now
>worth it

>>559914249
great green text skills. lold hard.

>>559917895
Remington sounds like a fucking legend.

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>>559918318
Got it right here /b/ro

caphtca Buffalo mpoiism

I bump, k?

Whose that creeping on all the girls? It's James, the special needs kid.

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Tale of kasey

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Here's the true alpha tard, None can beat Josh, not even Remington.

>>559917421
based op is based
Remington is bro

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>>559918689
Kek

>>559918683
Remington was fucking awesome. Dude just gave zero fucks. I was heartbroken when he left school. Dude was a total bro.

>>559918689
ok, when I first read this one a year ago, I don't think I have laughed that hard in my life.

no tard story, not remington, or anyone else, can top that one.

>me last week
>I'm at six flags
>get in line for the bumper cars
>tard is in charge of machines
>has his headphones in
>I can hear him singing
>"its de, ey of de tigurr its de thril of de fite"
>had to leave the line so people don't think I'm a douche, again.

>year 6
>befriend highly autistic kid with one leg
>notice his leg is plastic
>wtf
>ask him if it can come off
>yeah
>ask him if he wants a shoe flinging competition
>yeah
>show him how to play
>his turn
>leg goes on school roof

>>559914249
>be 10
>moving far away from my hometown with my family
>crushed
>take one last bike ride around the area
>reminiscing, reflecting...
>wild tard appears
>throws mud in my chest
>15 years later, that's the only thing i can remember from my childhood

>>559918531
this

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>>559917895
He will be missed...

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>>559919483
My sides I would've done the same

>>559915468
>tard wranglers

I lost my shit so hard. You win OP

I feel so horrible laughing at all of this, but I can't stop. Oh my god.

>>559914249
mmm, tard stories, my favourite

>>559918531
Someone please do it this, im on mobile and cant do it

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Gimpy, Gimpy, Gimpy and the Stain

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What's really funny is that OP is retarded.

>>559914249
>>559915468
>>559916717
>>559917421
>>559917895
guess what shit is going to be on /r/4chan tomorrow

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>>559914249
I'm in love with Remington. My sides burn.

>>559920170
>actually posting on leddit

http://4archive.org/b/thread/559914249

>>559918689
Firat time i've actually laughed out loud in a long time on this board.
top fucking kek.

Okay, I have to ask.

What. The. Fuck. Kind of educational system allows fucking downies into classrooms.

Being a teacher myself, I cannot imagine a scenario where I would not remove them or have them removed within 5 minutes of starting a class.

>>559920382
Dammit. *first
fucking phone keyboard

>>559920430
Anon, where do you teach?

I'm from Texas and tards in the class are kinda commonplace for me.
>inb4 all Texans are tards

>>559920779

The Netherlands, Holland in the vulgar arot.

>>559920779
have you ever met a tard that went full tard rage over Jesus?

>>559920779
Can confirm this one, in the high school i went there were tards but they didnt do much and had seperate classrooms that were like kindergarten

>>559920948
Post it /b/ro, I want more greentexts to save

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There's this fucking kid in my school who is like Autismo the Great or some shit.

>be 15
>freshman in highschool
>know this kid john
>not actually tard
>has cochlear implants or some shit
>still acts retarded
>gets away with fucking everything
>one day he leaves class to go to the bathroom
>smears shit everywhere
>FUCKING EVERYWHERE
>gets fucking ice cream because he's upset
>mfw

>be me
>5th grade
>transferred to new school because Gifted Program
>make new friends, learn about class, etc.
>classroom next door is tard class
>not just any tard class but RAGING tard class
>someone's genius idea to install fire alarm on the outside of the tard class
>at least once a week, some tard gets pissed and pulls the alarm
>you know the stupid shit that goes down after alarm is pulled
>one day, the a tard decides not only to pull the alarm, but runs into the classroom as well
>ohshitnigger.jpg
>he's raging super hard, punching people in the dick and smacking them left and right
>im going to the most well funded school in the district and there's only 3 tard wranglers, one of which is a total newfag to the job
>send in new fag to get him
>ohgreat.webm
>newfag is attempting to take him down, me and 4 other people are the only ones not writing in pain
>newfag is unprepared and takes crotch shot
>supereffective
>tard starts coming after me and other people
>being the beta that I am, I hide behind everyone else
>Tard gets through 3, leaving me and the bitchiest girl in the class
>Bitch girl snaps
>Bitch girl wailing on him
>tard has no idea to react and gets his ass handed to him
>I hug bitch girl from behind and thank her for saving me
>she shoves me away yells at me about being a man and shit like that
>as im sitting there, listening to her nag, tard grabs her leg and chomps
>bitch screams in pain and falls down
>I start kicking the shit out of the tard until he lets go and the tard wrangler finally gets him
>Bitch and I get suspended for beating up the tard
>Tard is never seen again

>>559919483
Lold so fucking hard

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>>559917269

>be me, high school
>tard in my class
>be throwing a paper airplane around with my friend
>throwing it back and forth
>this tard snatches it out of the air and rips it up
>what a kill joy teachers pet faggot
>go over to his desk when he leaves the room
>the tard rips up my airplane, i rip up his classwork
>tear it to shreds
>he comes back a couple minutes later and tard rages hardcore
>throwing books and picking up his desk and banging it on the floor, crying
>he blames me
>I blame this sikh kid in my class who often gets himself in trouble
>i they end up believing me over the tard cause he wasn't in the room when it happened.
>the sikh kid gets in trouble
>i don't see the raging crying tard or the sikh kid for the rest of the day
>i go back to my desk
>make a airplane

>>559920170
Guess who gives a fuck, you nigger.

I have capped all the Remington for future threads, even though I'm on my phone. You're welcome.

I should have some decent stories aswell, have met a lot of tards during the years in elementary school. Can't remember much atm though.

I remember this guy named Eddie, he was a total hurricane. Incredibly small, but like all tards he had superior speed and strength for his looks. Chased me one time, and when I looked over my shoulder I ran with full speed into a streetlight. Felt like I would pass out.

>>559920948
Well, Remington would often introduce himself as a "Texan otaku Christian", but other than that, nope.

Never seen a tard go potato for Jesus.

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>Be about 12
>Had old 'friend' from primary school who was a bit of a tard
>He had to go to a special school after leaving
>See him around one day and ask him how new school is
>Says it's okay but the people are strange
>'What?'
>Yeah there's this guy called jacob who sits in the toilets all day eating his own shit
>WaitWhat.jpg
>They try to stop him but he just always goes back

Fast forward about 3 years

>See tard friend again, talk about school and stuff
>Somehow get onto jacob
>mfw he fucking died from eating his own shit

>9 years old
>we used to have this "fights" during recess, nothing serious just chasing us around, throwing us to the ground
>suddenly loud scream
>this retard kid threw a big rock and hit someone in the head
>kid gets seriously injured and passes out
>teacher said that retard had to go to a special school after that
>never saw him again
>I still lul about how stupid he was

>>559920779
>>559921159

You are fucking serious..

What the hell do IQ 70ish tards do in a regular class? Fuck shit up and deregulate everyone elses education?

>>559919696
Gr8 b8 m8, I r8 4/8

>>559919696
you've never heard that before?

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here you go, guys, remington capped

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>>559920598

>>mfw
>>amazing read

>>559918689
The OP of this thread should vocaroo a dying cat noise imitation, I really want to hear that.

I actually have a tard story, just let me type it up

>>559918531
Hell yeah!! All hail Remington "Steel" wrecker of the mundane and Alpha as fuck tard..

>>559916717
post a photo of Remington please

>>559922116
Why the fuck should I do that, anon?

>>559916717
Oh fucking god help me, my sides!

>>559922121
Take your time tard/b/ro.

>>559921623
lol probably

> be me
> junior year, new school
> sitting at lunch table with randys
> notice janitor teaching kid how to change the trash
> realise hes not like us
> realise there is a special tard group
> didn't have one at my old school
> 6 feet tall, 230 pds at least
> others call him carl
> carl has been in training for awhile
> carl has started soloing the trash
> I watch him take out and replace the trash with the grace and swiftness of an eagle
> jk hes slow as fuck
> people wait for him to finish putting the bag in the barrel cause the bell rang but they're patient
> carl smiles from ear to ear when he finishes his duties and watches us patrons dispose of our waste
> one day carl is taking a long time and seems aggravated
> carl is having a hard time tying up the old trash bag
> bell rings
> disgonbegood.jpg
> still no new bag in trash barrel
> still waiting
> carl starts opening a new fresh bag finally
> up and down to catch the wind
> up and down
> up
> and
> down
> this goes on for a few minutes
> as I watch patiently carl pulls the bag down and up one last time
> too much wind
> the bag is now over carls head
> he is silent
> starts screaming and flailing
> running around the cafeteria
> bangs into glass door leading to parking area
> it's unlocked
> carl is outside yelling and flailing bumping into cars and shit
> see the wranglers converge and start chasing him
> made my day
> got detention for being late
> worth it
> next day he's back to training

>>559921583
Have photos of current day tard friend from bookface if anyone is interested?

>>559922209
I was a poorfag when I knew Remington. Didn't have a camera or phone. Sorry, anon.

>>559917895
Club can't fucking HANDLE Remington right now.

>>559921282
did you and the bitch become friends?

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>>559914249

Remington

>>559922360

As far as informed responses go this is sortof thin.

I´ve read these tard threads before, but I never realized having them at your school was commonplace. Doesn´t your teaching staff remove them with the fury of a thousand suns=

>>559919696
Holy fuck you are new.

>be at a caravan campsite on family holiday.
>caravan next to us had tard kid with head injury.
>I start playing swing ball with my little brother, tard kid sees and comes over.
>little brother gets weirded out and goes inside.
>tard kid points at swing ball and makes weird moaning sound.
>I ask him if he wants to play.
>tard kids face lights up
>I hit the ball, tard kid finds it physically impossible to hit it back.
>so i let the tard kid start.
>he hits it with so much force i though the ball was going to detach from the rope.
>I stick the bat in front of the ball just to stop it.
>ball bounces off the bat, swings round and smashes tard kid in the head.
>my face dropped thinking i may have just killed tard kid.
>tard kid drops bat, runs inside screaming.
>I also head inside incase tard kids parents come.

I didn't see the tard kid for the rest of the trip.

>age 5
>picture day at school
>people going in and out of class all day to get photo taken
>it's time for mason
>mason is known thought the entire school as a tard
>he doesn't want his picture taken
>starts arguing with head teacher right outside of class
>teacher drags him by the the hand
>ragemode.exe
>mason let's out the natural cry of the tards and bites the head teacher
>being 5, mason is only as tall as her waist
>mason chomped on her ass
>head teacher pushes him over and runs into her office
>mfw wet bite marks
>everyone saw the whole thing and sides are in orbit
>head teacher quit not long after

Will continue with mason tales if anyone is interested

>>559922407
fug dat beech

>>559921948

imgur album:
http://imgur.com/a/bc2xV

>>559922990
Hit us up with more Mason, anon.

The more tards the better.

>be me in 4th grade (8 yo)
>been diagnosed with autism for about a year
>Playing with sticks with my circle and for some reason two other people from 3rd grade
>one of them is clearly a tard
>Suddenly we hear my friend scream
>run over to him
>blood fucking everywhere
>tard has blood running down his mouth
>tard fucking chewed my friends arm open
>holyshit.jpg
>friend lay there screaming while 3 tard wranglers carries the tard away
>ambulance arrive. Lots of commotion
>I asked teacher why he did that
>"He's autistic"
>"So am I, but I ain't a violent freak" I respond
>"well, this kid is obviousley sufforing from severe fucking brain damage"
>I laugh my ass off at her honest respons (she was the tards teacher for 3 years)
>other teacher heard her say that
>never saw awesome teacher again

Tard did come back after a month or so. He was quite for about 2 months then a new incident took place

>>559918531
>>559919620
>>559919846
>>559922189
imgur album http://imgur.com/a/bc2xV

>>559916717
Hahahahahahahaha Oh god my sides!!!

>6th grade
>class in portables
>the class right by is was tard training class
>in other words keeping them away from the school and getting them out of trouble
>one tard always entered the room
>he wanted to see are classroom and would love to say hi
>this was no normal tard
>he was an insanely loud and acted as if he was on roids
>comes in one day
>i sat closer to the door of the class
>see him coming my way
>ohhshit ohhshiitt
>sits by me and starts pounding on desk
>everyone looks at me and i dont know what to do
>he keeps hitting on desk
>i join him
>he seemed happy everytime we did this back and forth just hitting desk
>everyone is looking at me thinking im doing something great helping him out
>continue on awkwardly
>then i guess my beats were significantly better than the tards
>he starts hitting me
>try to ignore but he keeps following me
>hes screaming gibberish btw
>tard wrangler didnt really act on situation
>took matter in my own hands
>socked the tard in the middle of the face
>like hard for a 12/13 year old
>he goes down and everyone just looks at me
>mfw i got away with punching a tard in the face and never got in trouble for it

> few month ago
> I'm at the bus atop, waiting for mah bus
> family with their tard son on its way
> noeyecontact.exe
>family is standing caz the bench is occupied at the stop
>someone got up and the father tell his tard son "take a sit"
>tard explodes and yelled like a raving rabbid "baababab SHUT UP YOU IDIOT"
> on the verge of laughing in their face
> tard dad didn't say anything, i guess he got use to his son's shit
> few min later the mother ask him if he want to eat something
> ohnoyoudidnt.jpeg
>"BABABAB SHUT YOU MOUTH BITCH BABA"
> can't hold myself anymore and i just burst
> ohshit.webm
> everyone is looking
> put my phone over my ear and fake a conversation over the phone
> tard staring at me
> feel his cold eyes staring into my soul
> mfw
> get on the first bus and gtfo

True story /b/

>>559914249

He wouldn't happen to have been a nigger would he?

And would this high school be in Michigan?

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>>559923681
He had it coming.

>>559917439
I think we may have a new all time best as of this thread.

>>559923405
fuck this whiteknight bitch teacher

I have a good one

>Going to small Catholic school in 4th or 5th grade
>Tard kid in my class, not down syndrome but kinda like Forrest Gump retarded where hes just really slow and, well, retarded
>He has a brother in like 2nd or 3rd grade with the same condition
>parentsmetatfamilyreunion.jpeg
>Talent show at school
>Tard bros decide that this is their time to shine
>The day rolls around
>All of us packed in the basement
>Average shitty acts you would expect etc etc
>It's time
>They announce their names, everyone knows them because the school is small so people give them an encouraging cheer
>Nobody knows what the fuck they're even gonna do
>A lone microphone stands on stage
>The older brother in my grade steps up and grabs the mic while his brother stands next to him
>Silence
>"I wanna be an oscar meyer wiener!"
>What
>He continues to sing the oscar meyer wiener song as #2 gets on the floor
>nodinosaur.gif
>Begins performing what I can only imagine was some attempt at break dancing that was actually just him flopping around on the floor
>To the oscar meyer wiener song
>Sang by his retarded brother

I couldn't make this shit up

>>559924015
Nah, Remington was white as snow.

Which was kinda werid, sice we were in Texas.

Tard had no tan.

>>559924018
fuck off and take your autism back to >>>/mlp/

>>559923405

ok so after those two months this tard went apeshit again

>playground got new pedal cars and marked up roads and shit
>we drive around having a blast
>tard thinks it would be funny to lay flat in the road so we couldn't drive
>Tard laughs huge ammounts of snot out of his nose while blocking the traffic
>my friend turns all russian driver on his ass
>gets out of car punch tard in the face
>tard starts crying just lying in the ground
>friend who punched him go to check on him
>tard fucking jumped like a god damn mutated kangaroo frog on him and started smacking him crazy
>me and other friend pulls him off
>Tard elbows me in my nose and bites my friend in the arm
>we back off in pain
>tard lifts entire fucking pedal car (pretty heavy for a child)
>Fucking hulk smashes my russian driver friend who were lying in the ground with the car
>We freak out thinking tard will kill cuz he never stopped hitting him, no tard wranglers nearby
>7th grader come to the rescue and one punched that tard right into the fucking ground
>Russian driver friend got his skull cracked and 4 broken bones.

Tard was never seen again. Neither was the seventh grader who saved everyone

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>>559916717

hahaha OP you dirty dog these aren't real stories. dont stop though. please.

>>559924365
Top fucking kek

>still 5 years old
>long after the bite incident everyone stays the fuck away from mason
>break time
>the playground is pretty big, big area of concrete and bigger area of trees and grass
>walking round with friends just chillin
>see a shit ton of kids over by the trees
>wonder over there to see what the fuck is going on
>see mason on his knees with his pants down in within the trees
>the fucking tard is pissing in the playground
>teacher comes over to see whats going on
>tells mason to get out of there now not noticing his stream of piss
>mason turns around and gets piss all over teacher
>he then bolts it losing his pants in the process
>the wranglers are chasing after him through the school
>don't see mason for the rest of break
>go inside and there is a trail of piss leading to mason and several piss covered wranglers
>mason is still missing his pants and his 5 year old junk is on show for everyone
>mfw mason had to wear a skirt from lost and found until his mom picked him up

Will keep going if there's interest

>>559915468
I think I've heard this before, like at the beginning of last year. It's still amazing though

>be on bus
>be summer
>nigress tard is on the back, talking loud as hell with her friends
>all of a sudden "oh my gahhd I have ta peeeee!" And the bitch starts squirming around, jumping, pacing
>bus driver stops the bus and says she can go (there's a public bathroom in the building ~20 feet from where he stopped)
>she asks if he'll wait
>white nigger being the white nigger he is, says No
>so the nigress stays on, says she'll get off at the transfer (5 minutes or so drive)
>pisses her pants, audibly
>says "I peed ma pants oh ma gaaah"
>bus driver walks her off the bus, takes her to a bathroom or something

what the actual fuck. Just next time, tell them you'll wait. One less nigger on the bus, and no pissy bus seats.
Now, I'm not sure if she's actually retarded or just below average for a black woman. I'd say any teen/young adult person that pees themselves is retarded, personally.

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Ok, everytime I read these kind of threads I wonder: how the fuck do you have so many retards arond?! I'm assuming all these stories come from North America, and I just don't get it.
I mean, in my country I pretty much never see retards around; the only one I ever saw was a guy in my elementary school who kept screaming TUUUUUUUUIIIIIII in the hallways - then I go to study for a semester in Canada and BAM! retard kids everywhere.

How is it possible?

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>in scouts
>fat ginger guy that hugs everyone
>screams all the time
>he wanders off
>hours later
>we hear screaming on the wind
>we find him in on obstacle course
>waist deep in mud
>slapping the mud and screaming
>pull off his top
>starts belly flopping forward and back
>slapping his tits against the mud screaming
>going full godzilla
>lays waste to the mud around him
>exhausts himself in this mud crater
>just fucking sleeps right there
>we finally get rope and shit to pull him out
>keep pulling and hear something snap
>the fucking mono had just had his put stuck under a branch
>could have just moved his foot backwards the entire time

Yup.

>>559925172
kek

>>559924962
Keep talking son.

>>559920598

Why did no one buy timmy the destroyer a batman outfit.

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>>559921282
Top kek

>>559924018
You have it coming mlp faggot.

>>559925137

I can´t help but wonder the same. We seperate them from regular folks, with the argument that they are retarded - let´s not mingle them with normal folk.

>>559917895
Remmington is my new fucking hero.

>be me
>be in elementary school
>be super sheltered by your parents
>don't know shit about sex, or girls
>*dick itches
>*muust scratch...
>*scratches
>3 girls walk by
>polite smile
>they look down
>chicks think I'm jerking off some how
>chicks run
>I just stand there, like a ,confused idiot

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>be in 8th grade
>be in this stupid class with another autist
>be an aspfag
>he keeps fucking trying to talk to me about trains
>trying to talk to people
>keep telling him "thats cool" and "ok"
>doesnt take the fucking hint
>tell him to fuck off
>says thats not nice
>i turn around and back hand him
>see the tears in his eyes
>loudest and most retarded sounded cry
>he runs off to the teacher
>i get suspended
>mfw

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>>559915468
lurking

>>559921948
Thanks

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> be me about 14 at gril-friend's house
> maekin out on her bed
> Her brother is megatard, into musicals and shite
> raging boner ready to go... feel her hand going down towards my pants
> suddenly tardlord starts wailing at the top of his voice from the room across the landing
> It took me a while to notice that he was singing and not being murdered
> bonerdies
> Gril: "anon what's wrong"
> super cockblocktard

You faggots are aware that 99% of those "tard stories" are fake, right?

>>559926503
probably closer to 50%

>>559926503
As long as Buffalo Wings is real, the rest don't matter.

>Be me
>Be 17
>In drama class, dem bitches hot
>Kid named Ashish, noone likes him
>I feel bad, talk to him
>He makes random dinosaur noises in the middle of class, occasionally yells nigger
>We get assigned roles for play
>Ashish dosent participate
>Day of play
>Ashish instead of reading his lines starts singing "IF YOU LIKE IT SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT"
>He grabs his pants and litearlly rips them off
>Runs off stage flapping arms and making dinosaur noises
>Dont see him for 3 days
>He comes to class gives me a cookie and walks away
>Litearly cant make this next shit up
>Tard Wrangler comes in and grabs the cookie, smells it and throws it away
>Had fucking roofies in it
>Ashish tried to roofie me, in class, Im a guy
>Tard Wrangler did nothing about it besides throw it away

ITT tard lovers

>age 8
>hasn't been an incident with mason for a while now
>people have started to let him back into society
>time for some good old fashioned PE
>today we're playing football, soccer for amerifags
>everything's going smoothly
>mason is using his newly found tard strength and is destroying all kids that cross his path
>PE teacher tells mason not to be so rough
>he nods and gets back into the game
>mason pushes one kid over and gets called a moron
>notagoodidea.jpg
>mason screams "WUUT DIIID YOU SAYY!!!!?"
>everyone stops to see what's happening
>kid is fucking terrified
>mason runs at him and kicks him as hard as he can in the dick
>kid falls crying louder than masons scream
>mason yells "IMMM NO MORUN!!!" and just hammers into this poor kid
>PE teacher picks up mason and takes him inside
>kid is still on the floor with a bloody nose
>mason gets suspended for a week and the kid had a broken nose and came back a month late

Next up is high school mason if you guys want it

Heres another one actually
>be 5
>in kindergarten(youngest grade level)
>we had one tard kid in are class
>his name was triston
>kid fucking loved dinosaurs
>like a fetish for them
>he would always roar in the middle of class and act like a trex with his arms
>i guess he was at an age to were they didnt know how bad he would be
>guess they thought he was close to normal
>no tard wrangler on standby
>the kid asked to go to the bathroom
>there is triston using the boys bathroom
>which in the school were connected to classrooms
>the doorway in our class was right in front of boys bathroom
>these bathrooms were in the class not outside in the hallway
>triston is peeing standing up with his jeans on his ankles
>are teacher says something like close the door please
>tard comes back turns around still pissing
>comes outside the room closes the door but on wrong side
>he didnt close the bathroom door but one that led to it
>he is in our classroom still pissing eveywhere
>he was pissin on the door but decided to turn towards us
>we had story time so we were all bundled together
>he gets a multikill as he starts to pee on everyone
>everyone is trying to get away as he continues pissing on everyone
>he finishes pissing
>shit you not let out a roar and quietly walks outside into the hallway trying to get away
>and that was the last we saw of triston in our classroom

>>559926503

I guarantee mine >>559924365 is 100% real

>>559925137
too much incest perhaps?

i live in poland (not really retard friendly)

i had 1 retard (down syndrome) in my class, 1st year, elementary. obviously, she wasn't accepted. i remember chasing her, with classmates, shouting etc. high noises made her mad. i believe she was teached individually (at least that's how we call it in poland)

that was it for retard in elementary (6 years)

now, after that i went do secondary school, we could choose different profiles (mat-inf, bio-chem etc.), depending on our scores from elementary school. there were also classes with no profile, where they put all kind of retards. autism, adhd, you name it. a lot of disturbed people there, fortunately it was only 3 years, and i had none in my class, but it was nightmare on breaks

now, high school. totally retard free. mental retards at least. physically disabled were accepted.
also, yes, retards were kept away in some institutions, or teached individually (teachers got extra money for that. no idea if it's worth it). i remember going to a place with disabled kids. they were mutes mostly, or had some hearing/speaking disorders. dunno why it was highly correlated with mental retardness....
nowadays there are special schools, which take retards in, along with normal people. they try to integrate them. some retards got bullied even there. my brother (he's autistic) is going to such place... he's not really a bad case. just a moron

>>559922568
No, she's still a total bitch

this is such a shit thread

Remington was amazing

>>559925137
Inbreeding

>>559926083
welcome

>>559927768
sorry for lack of correct medical terms, poor english etc. dunno if it's even worth reading

>>559927814
too bad

>>559914249
op i have a tard story i think you might appreciate

>school too poor for tard classes, let tards mix with everyone
>sitting in math room, taking AP math test
>tard named Todd Jones wandering in the halls outside the room
>ok.jpg, ignore him
>Todd starts tapping on glass
>taps for a half hour
>tapping turns to punching
>punching turns to head slamming
>hour in to test, Todd starts screaming
>howling like a gibbons monkey on crack
>pregnant teacher finally gets annoyed, calls tard wrangler
>Todd breaks in to the room before tard wrangler manages to come
>tries to punch pregnant teacher in the tits, fails
>falls to the ground
>cries
>shits his pants
>uncontrollably shitting everywhere
>i didn't know a person could contain such a high volume of shit
>Todd screams "i hate you! i hate you!"
>claims teacher's baby is a demon spawn straight from hell
>tells the teacher she's doomed to rot in hell
>tard wranglers came
>take Todd away, leaking shit out of his pants
>AP test postponed, half finished tests thrown out

I was in the same class as this fucker since 4th grade. Todd was very religious.

>>559926083
>be in school
>tard there in gym class daily
>tard loves to kick pebbles and small rocks
>tard has uncanny abilty...distance,accuracy
>toss him football
>tard gains middle school fame for being able to kick a footabll and eating bubblegum from under the bleachers.

Here's another tard encounter after the swing ball tard incident.

>Be in year 9 doing mock exams.
If you miss an exam you can re-do it but they put you in the 'study support room', basically retard central.
>Sleep in, miss exam.
>finally get into school at like 12pm.
>get sent to the study support room to do mock exam I missed.
>walk in, sit down in the corner furthest away form everyone.
>about 10 mins into exam, study support room door flies open.
>this weirdly shapen, over weight tard storms in.
>tard stops dead in his tracks.
>turns his head slowly and looks at me.
>I instantly sit back, put my pen down, and get ready to defend myself.
>tard storms over.
>stares at me, his already scrunched up face gets even more scrunched up. He looks pissed.
>tard continues to get pissed
>eventually he lets out this overpowering roar and starts scream.
>I had no fucking idea what was happening.
>tard wrangler runs over, also start staring at me.
>tard wrangler then also start shouting at me.
>still in shock from tard roar, i cant understand why tard wrangler is shouting at me.
>tard wrangler grabs me by the arm and moves me to sit on the other side of the room.
>turns out I was sat in tards seat.
>he sits there quiet with a furious look on his face for a good minute or so.
>tard then lashes out and starts kicking fuck out of the table.
>I look clueless at the tard wrangler.
>tard continues to kick shit out of table.
>wrangler tells me to let him calm down.
>tard eventually breaks the table and stops.
>tard wrangler gives tard a juice box and calls him a good boy. Wrangler talks to tard about the situation.
>turns out tard couldn't tie his shoelaces.

by the time it was all over I had ran out of time on my test and failed. Totally worth it.

>>559917895
How big was his dick?

> >Elementary school
>at the start of the 21st century (inb4 newfag)
>our school had also a tard class, with older 15-19 yo. tards
>the tards have built an epic snow fortress where they hang out during recess
>we tried to figure out how these sub-humans could have constructed something so great
>the 5th graders can't deal with this fact
>we form a resistance movement against the tyrannical tards
>La resistance lives on motherfuckers!
>we named ourselves "The Devils of Hell"
>the devils first secret meeting is held in the schools forest near a huge pine tree and the nettle rock (during summer there grows a fucking lot of them)
>all the boys from th 5th grade plus me and three other firstgraders appeared to the meeting
>we agreed that during next recess we will attack the tard without declareing war and spread the word about The Devils of Hell
>said recess
>we attack equipped with sticks and rocky snowballs under the element of surprise
>the tards don't understand the situation at first (DUH! :DD)
>but when they do, all hell breaks loose!
>these six foot (aspect of the 130cm 1st grader) drooling hulk tards come out of the fortress to screaming and batshit insane and attack
>at this part our forces break up under the tards overpowerment and we have to retreat back to the forest
>luckily, these teenage mutant ninja tards motoric skills are so underdeveloped that we can outrun them
>we all make it to safety and we've managed to make a hole on the fortress wall. that can be counted as a victory!
>the word about The Devils of Hells achievements and bravery spread like wildfire
cont...

...cont
>next days lunchbreak we held a new secret meeting where we recruit new soldiers and organize our strategy and tactics
>our numbers tripled and we got partisans from every class even a few 6th graders
>we shared our battle roles according to classes, us the firstgraders got the worst job
>we were "the little pioneers"
>our job was to dig trenches near the enemy lines and infiltrate the fortress through the the holes made by the frontline soldiers (3rd and 4th graders) and destroy the castle from the inside
>the 5th and 6th graders worked as officers (throwing stones at the tards and shouting orders)
>our job was the most dangerous cause the rumor was that if the tards got you, they would kiss you and suck on your balls and their bite would turn you into one
>the second attack would be wednesday at the beginning of the second recess
>wednesday
>before the attack we gathered to the HQ of the Devils and swore an oath
>sure about our victory we marched into battle
>to our surprise, the tards were prepader for our attack, by recruiting more tards and arming themselves with sticks and (stone)snowballs
>we wont back down
>the frontline soldiers break the walls a bit >we the pioneers charge inside but are forced to retreat fast when the tard go full hulk mode
>the biggest tard grabs a 2nd grader
>we can't stay and help him
>the Devils of Hell are yet againg forced to retreat to the forest
>different stories are around about what happened to the one guy left behind but in any case the whole school feels sorry for him and treats him like a honorable war veteran
...cont

>>559917269
>Gotta get Neal the Raptard

>>559927138
what the fuck is a roofie?

...cont
>we set up an emergency meeting at lunch break
>the third meeting of the Devils of Hell
>the AD/HD special ed. students want to join our resistance
>we rejoice, cause these daredevils have a legendary reputation at our school for countless misdeeds
>we re-organize the movement to three divisions
>5-6th the elitekorps
>1-4th the foreing legion
>special eds. the daredevils
>the next grand attack is arranged to fridays lunch break, this time we will charge from three directions and wreck the whole fucking shit
>friday
>get ready
>ATTACK!
>oh fuck, party poopers! (the recess supervisors)
>the tards have told about us to the teachers
>we all end up in detention and our movement is finished, or is it?
>friday, morning class
>"we will have a joint outdoor class with the 5th graders" - the teacher
>with determined minds we march with the 5th graders to a window of the tards classroom, knock a few times and run towards the snow fortress
>in my 17 years of existing i have never seen anything funnier than about 20 tards glued to their window and their priceless faces when we kick the shit out of their matafaking fabuluos snow fort
>we were the Devils of Hell

>>559929078
Underage B&

>>559929472
I am 58, you little faggot.

>>559930019
and you can't google, huh?

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>>559930019
laughing so hard
>>559929472
>you old fucker

>>559930019
'k--- you from the moon?

Me being mean to a tard.
> 5th grade
> We sit in groups and I am grouped with my crush and tard.
> Me and crush talk and giggle often.
> Tard tries to get in by talking loudly and being obnoxious.
> Teacher always tells our group to be quite.
> Tard talks to crush and when teacher ask who's talking tard blames me.
> For some odd reason I'm enraged.
> Call tard a tard and say I'm tired of his shit.
> He starts crying and gets to go home early.
> Tard out a day but comes back as tard as ever.
> I got my Game Boy advanced and playing dat shit.
> Tard says "Ooooooo what's that?" really loud.
> I tell tard to shut up.
> Tard says "I don't think you should have that." while looking at the teacher for attention.
> Teach comes over and takes the Game Boy, says I'll need my parents to get it back.
> Tard gets a smile and a few chuckles.
> I punch tard in the face then push him out of his seat.
> Hits floor face first.
> Everyone staring, teacher in shock.
> Tard in tears.
> Suspended, seat moved away from crush and she hated me.
> No friends till 7th grade cause people wouldn't let me live that down.

Good thing I swung like a pussy, had I knocked him out I probably would of been expelled.

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>>559930019

>>559921948
Thank you anon

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>>559914249
always lurkin

>>559914249
>in highschool walking to class with chick i had a crush on
>mentally disabled kids walks by us
>"omg i feel so fucking dirty now"
and that was when i stopped liking her

the highscool i went to before that was really shitty in the ghetto and for all the fuckery that went down there all those black kids were nice as shit to the tards and in my jrotc class they always helped them participate
remembering this makes me a bit teary

>>559914249
> be me
> high school
> bell rings
> walking talking with friends
> notice tards walking towards us
> one tard that always has football helmet on.
> cause seizures
> points head down like if he's aiming
> lunges
> hits girl in face
> blood everywhere
> friends and I stunned for a second
> break out in laughter

>>559914249
In my high-school they had 5 retard kids.

Morgan
>The least retarded and actually tolerable
Alyssa
>The gross and dopish kinda of shit.
Courtney
>Development problems, had a walker and obsessed about vampire novels. I'd kek if she turned into a vampire but realize she was still a crippled/blind fuck.
Dan
>The annoying retard that seeks you down in the halls and every opportunity he possibly has.

Last but not least... My absolute most hated.
Casey...

I'll continue in my next post.

lurking OP

I guess I should tell you guys some stories about Dave. I was 17 when I met Dave. Not at school. It was at work. Nothing really interesting happened besides a few funny instances but Dave was complete and total /b/ro tier.
>Be me and be 17
>Get job working at a KFC. Non nigger here niggers don't work
>In the back cooking chicken allday errday. Making 9 an hour at 17 was pretty awesome
>Meet Dave. Dave is a 35yo retard. The owner Dan hired him on to do general cleanup work and stuff. Mad tacks breaks yo.
>Bullshit with Dave and get to know him. He looks like Blaster from Beyond Thunderdome with blond hair. Lives in a small apartment via HUD housing. Drives a little ford festiva.
>Daves pretty cool. It was the late 90s and Dave loved rock music. Got him into Metallica and Maiden.
>I smoked cigars a bit. Dave brought me a small package of cigars he picked up at a shop for my Bday. Shit guy didn't have to do that. Smoked 2 of em. One for me and one for Dave.
>Dave played some vidya. I had a side job and my uncle owned a towing company. A lot of people never came and got their vehicles. Criminals and shit like that.
>Dave was saving up to by a PS1. I found one stashed in a vehicle that had been there for like a month.
>Took that shit to Dave. Dude was fucking mindblown.
>Hooked Dave up with PS1 games a lot. Fucking took care of em like they were gold and always brought em back in perfect condition. Hell I never even asked for most of them back.
>One day a cop comes into KFC and gets lunch. Locks his keys inside the car.
>Before the days of cellphones and shit so manager says he can use phone to call someone to come pop it open.
>Fuck no Dave to the rescue. Dave goes to his car and grabs a slimjim. Rolls a natural 20 and opens that thing in 5 seconds.
>Cop's like the fuck cause no locksmiths arent supposed to have em legally. Dave's dead dad was a locksmith. Cops lets it be cause he knows Dave's harmless and nothing more than a gentle potato.

>>559914249
I remember this story from like two years ago, damn

>>559927201
More please

>be me
>high school
>sophomore year
>each hallway in my school is labeled by a letter
>hallway where the tard classrooms are is the "E" hallway
>constant joke around the school is to call people "E"
>one tard, Nabeel becomes aware that we are making fun of him this way
>Nabeel swears he will prove to us that he is cool
>goes home and makes this rap video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2kVY3F7rq8

Anybody has the one where OP is locked in a corridor with the tard and the Wrangler is on the other side of the door and all like "rub his tummy to calm him"

>>559934178
What????

>>559923965
the only thing true on this site is Remmington

>>559928281
MORE TODD

>>559933063
>Be walking down to record store to spend some cash on CDs
>Stop by work to grab a drink and snack.
>New go kart track has opened up and decided I'd go fuck off there for a while too on my way back
>Talk to Dave and tell him plans
>Dave's getting off and got all worked up cause potatos and go karts were meant to be together.
>Fuck yeah Dave you should come along.
>Me and Dave end up hauling ass all over the place and had a blast
>Dave says I'm his best friend and the only person who chills and talks with him
>Fuck people cause Dave was the shit. Potatos be potatos but Dave was like Hodor or something.
>End up having to move in 2000
>Say my goodbyes to Dave
>Dave got me a going away gift. Fuck Dave you didn't have to do that man
>Little steel sleeve thing to put over cigarette lighters with a naked woman on it. Fucking lulz Dave.
>Kept up on him a bit keeping contact with friends at work
>A year later his car was plowed into by a car full of drunk niggers
>Dave was killed on impact
>No one knew what to do. Dave had no family or anything within a 1000 mile radius.
>No funeral no nothing
>Dave was cremated though and his case worker took care of everything.
>Was a shitty end to a cool guy
>If there's an afterlife and you get to meet people who died before you I hope to fuck Dave's there with his big ass smile

>>559934432
yeah, I don't remember much of it except this part
School is separated in two buildings, joined with corridor that is most of the time open. Tard goes free, school is put in lock down. OP was getting to his class when he is locked with tard. the door only open from the ourside and tard wrangler doensn't let OP come out, tell him to rub tard's belly

>be me 9 or some shit
>hilarious autistic kid in my class named Jacob
>most badass kid in class
>mom didn't want him in special ed so he was in the normal class
>one day I was talking to him and he said when he was at home he didn't like to wear pants
>lolokay.jpeg
>all of a sudden he stands up and rips all of his clothes off
>running around the classroom swinging his dick around and poking people with it
>tard wranglers burst in
>ARKHJEKAKHHENAMK
>he starts pissing everywhere
>pissing all over the tard wranglers
>they carry him out and he continues to piss everywhere as he I carried out

>>559936256
>Lip gets fat
Fuck you anon

>>559935990
lol really? ok

>8th grade
>recess
>playing on the monkey bars
>Todd comes over
>"H-H-H-hyuiahjh"
>"I-Ah-AH-AHAHHAHAHAAHHHH"
>manically laughing
>Wut.jpg
>feel him touching my feet
>kick him in the arm, he doesn't stop grabbing
>tries to tug my dang diddly ding dong
>he's foaming at the mouth, furious
>eventually pulls down my pants and underwear
>tries to poke my butthole
>start screaming rape
>tard rangler comes and tackles Todd
>Todd claims i stole his girlfriend
>i don't have a girlfriend
>points to my sister, claims im fucking her
>LOLWUTMATE
>Todd punches my sister in the mouth
>tard wrangler apologizes profusely
>talk to sister as Todd is pulled away, says he's been fapping furiously in class and trying to wipe his man goo on her
>tell teacher
>Todd suspended for a month

>>559932617
First I'll start with the smaller stories.

>Morgan I had at least 1 class with each year. >He was tolerable, but... heavily annoying.
>He over 4 years of highschool went from a slouch kid to a full blown hunchback.
>He had nothing normal to talk about except random Minecraft tekkit mods, SPORE and ham radios.
>He got old very fast
>was that kid who made unfunny jokes with obscure references.

Courtney:
>She always got in the way and sat by the door...
>So when the bell rang or we had a fire drill, guess who's in the way.
>The whole school could have burned down and she would be blocking an entire escape route or making us have to rush to the next class.
>Worst part, if you tried to run in front of her "OH SHAME ON YOU, HOW DARE YOU BE MEAN LIKE THAT"

Next is Alyssa the first true tard I will talk about:
>She smelled like she
>her clothes looks like they were covered in shitstains
>her mouth looked worse than an African farmer's mouth.
>I had to share a bus with her and when the drivers switched they asked us what the bus route was..
>And being in the majority that was dropped off in a big group at the last stop which was ironically the closest to the school... We figured this would be a good chance to reverse it so we wouldn't have to wait so damn long.
>BUT NOPE
>Uber-tard freaked out and used her retard status to wave it in her direction.
>After that we all called her cunt and she tried to tell on us but because we weren't on the bus or in school the driver said he couldn't do anything.
>Semi-win

The more interesting two are comming in the next post.

>>559936272
Haha damn tards. Good fucking grief.

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I got one, kinda short
>march madness at school
>whole highschool goest to gym to watch teams play dodgeball
>One team of seniors versus team of mostly tard kids
>Seniors go easy on them
>one of the smaller tards runs up to the front lines, softly throws ball
>Some douchey senior slaps the ball to the ground as hard as he could with the ball he was holding.
>mfw
>friend and i are laughing

>>559936256
i cried.

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>>559928504
Study support feels. I get you, anon.

>be me
>Not tarded at all
>A*-B student in everything
>Shittiest handwriting you've ever seen in your life
>School decides I have to type my exams
>Freelaptop.jpg
>lolnopeStudySupportRoom.Avi
>First exam
>Walk in
>Loud room, filled with the screeches and moans of the tards in heat
>Silence as I enter room
>All eyes on me
>I think, lazy-eyed cunts
>I swear I'm not a tard, I swear I'm not a tard, I swear I'm not a tard
>Tard Guard comes over to me, slow and soft speech, cheesy smile
>'Hey there, big guy! (I'm tall as fuck, yo) What's your name?'
>I give her a bit of a withering stare, and reply in my normal, audibly untarded voice
>Cunt nods slowly and fucking HELPS ME TO MY SEAT
>Too shocked to even respond
>My narrowed eyes and silent, gaping mouth probably made me look like a tard
>MFW despite having numerous normal conversations with invigulators and Tard Guards, ditting three higher-tier Further Advanced science papers, they still all talk slowly in small words when they're with me
>To this fucking day
>MFW

>Be 10
>Field trip to Seattle.
>Because exposing 10yo's to homeless shitzo's and tweakers is a good idea.
>my mother is a chaperone of me, my friend Justin, and a tard named Payden.
>Get to Seattle.
>walk as a class to the fish museum or some shit.
>when we get there we do a roll call to see if everyones there.
>gets to Payden.
>realize Payden is AWOL
>Field trip turns into a man hunt.
>My mom and my teacher go in search of Payden
>searched all of seattle for 3 hours.
>just about to call the cops to let them know theres a tard loose in seattle.
>Walk into Pikes Place market.
>while the teacher calls 911 me and my mom go into the market.
>walk into the prank store.
>Payden's there playing the love machine.
>Holy fuck.
>mom goes and gets the teacher.
>guy behind the counter asks if we know him.
>"yea, he was with our field trip group."
>"well he's been playing the love machine for the last few hours. i figured he got separated from his parents so i let him play that thing until someone showed up."
>Prank shop bro established.
>mom no longer in trouble for losing a tard.
>Teacher shows up and we start to leave.
>Prank shop bro gives Payden anything item he wants from the store.
>Payden gets the pull string popper gun things.
>Payden proceeds to run out of the store and shoot a random person with the popper.
>cops are called.
>payden gets "arrested" for assaulting a woman and burning the shit out of her leg.
>me and my mom get back on the bus with the rest of the class while the teacher has to go to the station and wait for Paydens mom to pick him up and give her a ride back to the school.
>Mom still jokes about the time a tard shot a woman in the leg and got arrested,

>>559936962
omfg i just remembered this tard called mike

>be junior in high school
>super dedicated to studies
>sitting alone at lunch doing homework
>guy comes up to my table, sits down
>tells me his name is mike, specifically with a lower case m
>tells me he's part wolf
>sharpens his fingernails, wears a ponytail, super buff
>tell him that i can't talk right now, doing BMI equations
>keeps talking, i ignore him, homework's due next period
>pours his milk on my textbook near the end of lunch, just after i finished my last equasion
>wtf man
>"DON'T YOU IGNORE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>dude stahp
>he jumps on the table
>pulls down his pants
>i panic
>he starts pissing
>tries to piss on me
>run to the principal's office
>tard follows me, wiener out and stream a'flowin
>principal when she sees what's happening
>took 5 tard wranglers to take mike down

after that mike followed me around for the last 2 years of high school i had
every single fucking day he would sit with me at lunch
sometimes he bought me snacks and asked me if i would let him suck my dick

fucking mike

>>559938032
Honorary Tard

>>559938670
>Just remembered

>Pours milk on books
>chases you around the school half naked
>attempts to get in you're pants
i call bull shit anon

>>559939224
dude i'm like 38 i barely remember what i had for breakfast

I have a few stories of when i went to an after school care thing when i was 13 because my parents worked an hour away.
>first day in after school care
>playing Cricket with my brother
>out of nowhere a wild female tard appears
>oh fuck
>tard starts moaning something to my bro
>my bro shoots a pleading look at me
>all of a sudden, Tardmode engaged
>Tard starts scratching and biting my brother
>brother is hitting the tard, but tard has some sort of magic tard shield or something and it doesnt affect it
>i run over with plastic cricket bat
>start hitting tard with cricket bat, at this point it s a frenzy of fists, teeth, tard and cricket bats
>we finally fight of the tard
>tard runs off and dissapears
>We fought the enemy off for now
This is only the first story of our fight for our lives against the tards of that place, we were literal brothers in arms against the tards, more stories if interest.

Got a short one
>Be in 3rd grade
>Really fucking tall tard gay dude goes in my class
>I'm stupid since 3rd grade
>Gets mad at him for some stupid reason
>Call him gay and punch him in the arm
>He gets placed at another school
>My friends and I need to talk to the teacher for 5 mins why we shouldn't bully people
Totally wurf

>>559938694
A badge I wear with PRUHEYYYYYYED

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>be junior year of high school
>massive school with 3500+ students and tards to match
>army recruiters holding contest during lunch to see who can do the most pullups
>fat and tall tard walks up and army recruiters humor him
>tard grabs bar but cant lift himself up
>starts squirming
>sweatpants and underwear start to slowly slide down
>no one knows what to do, tard's bare ass is now in full view with his pants down to his knees
>tard is screaming but wont let go of pull-up bar
>me and my lunch table only ones laughing
>everything else is quiet except for us and the nigger table who are having a chimpout
>tard teacher eventually calms tard down enough so he comes down
>mfw over 500 people in cafeteria saw a tards bare ass for quite a while

>>559917895
Please show us a pic of Remington.

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Here is one for ya, faggots.
>Be me
>5th grade
>Tard named Gloria
>Gloria the glorious
>Had massive she-beast hands
>Lunch time
>All leave classrooms, Gloria follows
>Lets out massive tard-call
>Grabs kid by the head of the hair and starts smashing his head againts the wall
>MFW it took 3 wranglers to stop the beating

>>559936869
>Lip gets fat
Fuck you anon
wut?

>be in 3rd grade
>PE class, wrecking classmates at basketball
>class is over, everyone lines up at a gym wall to go to next class
>most kids go to get water first
>randy is lined up to go to next class
>randy is a 10th prestige tard
>total bro, still talk to him today
>randy telling his TA he has to piss
>TA is having none of it
>threatening to give her a "619" (WWE move)
>sorry randy, can't go piss
>moments later...
>I hear a girl shriek on the other side of the gym
>randy couldnt hold it
>peeing on the poor girls feet
>nobody stopped him as he pees on the floor
>me and my friends lose our shit
>randy still threatens to give people WWE moves.

>>559917895
someone cap this

>>559938032
ahaha, if they think you're one of them, they wont leave you alone.

>>559914249
THIS IS FUCKING PASTA PLEBS

>>559928567
>>559928795
>>559929104

>be you
>be autist
>disabled kids have something cool
>start group dedicated to our asshurt autism over this fact
>want to be cool and tough
>pick fights with disabled kids because they have something cool
>post story on /b/
>get called an autist

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>>559917269
Aw man, thanks for that, I'm so so fucking happy right now.

I have a lot to tell, but I'm legally bound by contract not to

>>559939708
interested.

>>559941041
Already done mate. Search the thread.

>>559941165
Alright, OP here.

This is not pasta.

I have no idea why anons keep thinking this.

If its pasta, fucking post a cap where its been in another fucking thread.

I have never poster Remington stories before, so I'd like to see that, anon.

Put up or shut up.

>9th grade
>be at art class
>6.5ft aspy
>a pale skinned britght red haired shrek
>annoying as fuck, forever drawing new pokemon characters he has come up with
>leaves the room, nows my chance
>draw the gnarliest cocks on his pokemon drawings
>the tard returns
>sees dicks and flips his shit
>can't contain my laighter
>realises it was me and picks up a chair
>screeches "I've been known to throw chairs"
>me: "go ahead fuck head"
>lifts chair up over head
>I just slightly push the chair backwards throwing ginger shrek off balance and falls backwards
didn't even get in trouble

>>559936256
10/10 cried

>>559939708
Second Tard battle in after school care
>me and my bro are happily eating biscuits and playing domino's
>we begin to hear that moan we both have heard before
>we look to our left and Femtard has come out of nowhere
>this time she brought a friend
>another tard walks around the corner and they both start towards us
>me and my bro aren't worried, theres a teacher in the courtyard
>all of a sudden femtard has arrived with her friend
>femtard spots the biscuits we're eating and goes for one, i grab her wrist, big mistake
>femtard bites me and i let go
>i tell femtard to get the fuck out
>femtards friend literally delivers a full force tard boot to the back of my head
>Stars.jpg
>i get up and recover from the kick and see my brother fighting off the tards by slugging dominoes at them,
>i join him in returning fire, however the tards begin to fight back, by picking up stones and throwing them
>Escalation.webm
>I pick up a nearby football and throw it as hard as i can toward the direction of Femtards mate
>hit Femtards mate directly in the face, at this point the teacher has heard the commotion and we make a hasty retreat

More if you faggots want

>>559918118
Fucking. Hilarious.

>be autist
>gets called an autistic fuck on YouTube in 2007
>feeds the trolls
>result in threads like this

I'm so sorry.

>>559942164
post all your stories. don't ask after every one. i'll lurk until this shit 404s, i love tard stories.

>>559937406
Continued.

Dan:
>He was the kind of retard that once he saw you he'd drone "Hey, anon" over and over again until you answered. Sometimes with "Why are you ignoring me?" or he would ask someone else "Why is Anon ignoring me"
>He also was annoyed by music that wasn't country 'music' most notably the spongebob square pants theme... which seemed the be the biggest way to anoy the piss out of him.
>he'd yell "STOP SINGING PLEASE" at the top of his lungs.
>The kid was also cancer, once he decided he liked you, you might as well be dead.
>He followed you around and stalked you. If you tried to get him away from you he'd just come back.
>If you yelled at him and scorned him he just thought you were joking.
>The only thing he really talked about was movies and upcoming school events that hardly anyone attended.
> "hey anon, did you see the new batman movie?"
>Goddamnit dan, I didn't fucking see batman ... I don't waste money on movie at the theater.

And now the shit-cake... Casey.
>He was loud, whiney and childlike. A horrid fucking combo.
>He always blathered about fucking unheard of shit that nobody understood, but acted like everyone actually knew what the fuck he was talking about.
>Hes seriously average /v/ shitposter general.
>I made it my own personal game to annoy the shit out of him.
>I constantly argue against him and knock him off his little retard throne that he puts himself on.
>He throws a tantrum and throws something across the room.
>I never actually directly tease or harass him but I do it through dialog.
>He yells "Shut up" or he winds up running out of a room or throwing something.
>He gets in trouble every fucking time and I get a slap on the wrist "You shouldn't make him angry"
>I told him he should become what is now the equivalent of AN hero. He actually thought its how he became a superhero was by killing himself.
>He finds out I'm lying and tries to tell on me.
>He doesn't fucking know my name. So I just stayed home for a week.

>>559942607
I agree with this

>>559936763
I'd miss that kid.

>>559941058
It's never ending

>be me at like eight years old
>with my mom at Burger King
>eating our shitty burgers when suddenly a wild tard appears
>here's the catch, she worked there.(janitorial ductus only I would guess)
>she was full blown downs
>she's pushing the mop bucket straight towards me and my mother
>first downy I had ever seen in my life
>when I think of downys, to this day, I picture this woman.
>I look to my mom to confirm the situation
>mom tries to give me a reassuring look, but mostly just looks apathetic
>probably because it was her idea to take the corner booth
>lady tard was obviously trained well and took her job seriously, because she starts mopping at the far corner of de burber ging(our corner) to ensure she doesn't mop herself into a corner
>my mom says "hello" and smiles because she's nice like that
>lady tard promptly smiles back and asks "how uh yoo"
>"good, good. And you? Working hard I see." Mom replies with another smile
>"YA YA" Lady tard smiles and yells as she mops a foot from our table
>apparently increases volume in relation to how friendly people are towards her
>my mom doesn't catch on to this as fast as I do and keeps chatting with lady tard to bide time while she finishes up our corner
>this isn't how it works
>lady tard is now overly excited and mopping furiously as if to make our corner extra clean
>she is now howling "YA YA" seemingly at random
>my mother is seconds away from absolutely losing her shit
>mom starts shoving shitty burger into her mouth to block the laughter
>I'm fucking eight years old and I'm doing a better job at keeping my shit together than my 40 year old mother
>lady tard starts mopping UNDER our table
>bashing her mop into our feet and ankles with her insurmountable tard strength
>mom has that look on her face. You know the look. Eyes and mouth shut as tight as they could go in a vain attempt to hold back the lulz
>doesn't work
>slight chuckle escapes
>mom plays it off as a cough and clears her throat
Cont

>>559917626

It wasn't a reward, it was a distraction. You can't always train a tard with consequences like you would a normal child. Some get it, some don't.

>>559925137
where i live it's generally rich people's incest kids. they've got tons of land for the tards to run around and graze in, and tons of money/power to keep shuffling the tards around the schools.

>>559940791
As in he's about to cry.

>>559918689
WHAT WAS ON THE PIECE OF PAPER?!?!?!

>>559942607
Will do
This story happens around three weeks after the second tard battle, i think we fought them off for a bit, we never got talked to by the teachers so at this point i think theres just some rogue tards roaming the school
>Be in after school care, alone today, brother is sick
>Im a little scared because at this point i still havent made friends with any of the kids at after school care and have no backup
>No backup
>be sitting alone, on a school laptop, happily playing games
>im on the left side of a tennis court, sat in the big umpires chair
>I suddenly hear a commotion
>i look over and see a pack, not a few, but a pack of tards
>these tards are running from something
>i recognise the tards i had fought of in the last tard battle among the herd
>Behind the tards, in hot pursuit is only what i can assume is the Tard sheperds yelling and screaming for the tards to get back to their learning centre or something
>i realise there has been some sort of tard breakout
>more teachers join the chase
>Tards run towards my tennis caught
>ohfuckno.gif
>i make a retreat down the ladder of the chair, fuck the school laptop
>I run away to a safe vantage position and observe the tards tear apart the tennis net, while the teachers look on helplessly
>One of the tards sees the school laptop on the umpires chair and climbs up to get it
>He picks up the laptop, holding it in the air like a trophy and roars in victory
>Tards stop tarding and look on as the tard throws the laptop to the ground, smashing it and allowing the tard mob to tear it apart
>more tard sheperds arrive and finally subdue the tards
that tard riot was by far the scariest/funniest thing i have ever seen

lel

>>559943903
>lady tard thinks my mom is choking on her burger
>immediately begins slapping my mom on the back with her tard club hands
>anybody who wasn't staring already is now gazing at the spectacle like they're watching 9/11 footage for the first time
>my mom spits out her food in a panic
>lady tard gives a few more good slaps to make sure
>my mom thanks lady tard for saving her life
>everybody that saw it happen cheers for the heroism of lady tard
>she fucking bows to her audience with a final "YA YA"
>goes back to smashing our ankles with her mop for a few minutes, only to leave the mop and bucket by our table as she goes into the back
>me and my mom gtfo as fast as she can gather our shit

I have never heard my mother laugh as hysterically as she did once we were in the car