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>the year was 2007 >was playing runescape for the first time and loved it. >met someone with that name "Pookiebear" >we became good friends and played every mini-game >we exchanged emails, numbers, addresses to write each other etc a year later. >we began talking more and more on gmail and played runescape less and less. >we still played now and then for fun when we got bored. >2010 she started replying to messages, phone calls, and texts slower and slower. >Brittany said she was sick and that she didn't have very long, and that she was sorry. >that winter I was in 11th grade, and she was hospitalized. >she lived in Chicago and I lived in new York. >sold tons if things for money, worked odd jobs etc to try and get a ticket to Chicago to see her. >winter passed and I never made enough money >we are texting one night and she says she'll talk to me in the morning. >the morning came. >no reply > weeks pass without messages >2013 now >I get on runescape for old times sake and see her account is logged on. >Say hey >"Hi... Is this anon?" >yes why? >This is Brittany's friend, she wanted me to log in every day to tell you she's sorry. She wanted you to have her account, here is the password. >log into her account and in the notes section of the interface it says "I love you anon. You were always there for me. 12/29/12" >she died that night
>first family dog was a great dane >nicest, most gentle dog on the fucking planet >is like 11 years old >get really bad arthritis in his back and hind legs >he can barely get out of bed some nights >get home from school >dad and his friend are getting his van ready and putting a leash on dog >dad asks me if I know whats going on >mom is crying >I understand now >I say I want to come to the vet, I need to be there. >dad says no. >says it's to much for me to handle right now. >get one last chance to say goodbye >walk up to him >he's having a good day, smiling and not having much trouble walking >I go up to him and hug him, crying like a bitch >he licks me one last time and smiles >dad takes him to the vet, he goes peacefully >cut to now >see a picture of him in the kitchen >still think about him sometimes >still think of him to this day >trying to hold back tears as I type this
>>559410227 I have a sad like that. I had a friend I loved deeply, we used to chat on MSN and talk about everything. Hang out in the park on weekends and smoke weed. He was younger than me and eventually I became engaged with some pleb. It didn't work out, I left him and moved on with my life. Years later I was working at a servo and noticed a bunch of familiar faces wearing suits coming in by the car load. I heard them saying how sad the funeral was going to be. They said "Anon was such a good guy." My heart sank, it couldn't be him, what were the chances. And eventually I met up with an old friend, years later at a party, who knew Anon. Casually, he mentioned "Anon is dead, he had a herion overdose." My world fell to pieces, I fell off the face of the earth. I loved Anon. I worked out that was his funeral that day. I signed back into MSN after years of not even having that shitty programme on my computer. "Anon" is online... All our conversations still there for me to read. The guy I loved, the moments we shared. The time I told him I love him, but he's 15 and I'm 18...it wouldn't work. He told me he would die without me in his life... >mfw I killed Anon
>>559414148 >My dad wasn't a perfect person, he had quite the record >Habitual traffic violator, possession of weed/meth etc >He tried though, he tried hard to fix his mistakes >From 1st grade to 7th, he was in and out of jail >You couldn't tell by looking at him >He was a hard working man >His hands were calloused to the point that they felt like sandpaper >He also had the most masculine mustache you've ever seen >He was manly as fuck, the kind of dad you could brag about without exaggerating >despite everything we went through, I couldn't ask for a better dad Flashback to 1st grade >Me and my brother were playing Crash Bash in the bedroom >Doing extremely hard crystal challenge >"DON'T FUCKING SLAP ME" >It was dad, and he said that from the kitchen >My brother and I rushed out already in tears >"Dad stop!" >He sees me and my brother, and he backs away from our mother >she's holding her arm, like Dad hit her there
>>559414353 >dad's face is red on one side >he's calm now, and walks over to the counter >his walking says he's drunk already >mom gets me and my brother to the room >some time passes, and we eventually hear "You have the right to remain silent..." >He was charged with Aggravated Battery >That was the first time I remember him getting arrested
Fast forward to 4th grade
>Living in new apartment >Dad's been complaining of stomach pains >One day, mom finally called 911 >Paramedics arrive and take him away >Something is wrong with his Pancreas? >Something to do with his heavy drinking >he has to undergo surgery >he comes back weeks later >Skinny as fuck, muscles gone, boney as an African, scar in his gut (hole left open for a tube so he can feed?) > I don't know, can't remember enough details >I ask him when I hug him, "Where's the rest of you?" >He sighs and tears up, and I feel like an asshole >his body type remained this way for years
>known this guy since i first moved here when i was in 3rd grade >was your typical autist nerd kid, he was a rebellious guy who was pretty cool with everyone but really didn't give a fuck about what people thought of him >tl;dr we became good friends, shapes my whole view of the world and is largely the reason of why i act the way i do today >he has a rough childhood, methhead mom who's no longer around, dad's okay but not very supportive >tries to hang himself in 8th grade after something bad happened >he comes back to school 2 weeks later, but is completely different >wont talk to me >wont reply to texts or messages >wont look at me when we pass in the halls >eventually he seems to "snap out of it" but he never really seems like the old bro i knew. >we stay close through highschool, he gets me to grow out of my shell. start talking to girls, express myself, shed my beta skin >he gets into the druggie crowd, starts at weed, then hallucinogens. in junior year he drops out and starts doing hard shit. >lose touch with him. >don't speak to him at all, take it for granted my best bro might be dead the next day >go to bootcamp for the navy >tfwyourmilitarytrainingamountstosummercamp.avi >become sailor >go to A school >parents finally mail me my phone and my civillian clothes after 2 weeks >get on FB, see ton of notifications, my friends must have missed me. >mostly birthday wishes, I spent my 19th in boot. woopie. >tagged in post by Bro >huh >click on it. >Bro was stabbed to death after some drug deal went bad. his sister posted this from his account. >head spinning, re-read it over and over and over >go into chats >see 5-6 friends wishing me happy B-day or asking me how boot is >bro messaged me, click on it >"hey" >"i miss you man" >"i'm surrounded by 'friends' i can't trust" >"no one from our original friend group talks to me anymore" >"i need to talk to you really bad." >"i miss hanging out with you" >"i need help"
>>559414520 Fast forward to 6th grade >I got The Warriors for my birthday >Dad walks by as Cyrus says >"CAN YOU COUNT SUCKAAAAAAS?" >"Hey! The Warriors! I remember this movie, anon." >He tells me about the movie and how badass it is >I never even knew it was a movie >I ask him to play me in Rumble mode >He was Luther, I was Swan >We always chose those two and always fought on The Old Junkyard venue >We eventually saw the movie together >Dad calls Luther a pussy faggot for not fighting Swan >lol Fast forward to Sophomore year >Dad has been laid off from multiple jobs >He explains he has nothing left to give us >He gets on a bus and goes to live with his siblings and parents in Texas >I'm upset with him at this point, and have nothing to say to him >I hug him, say good luck, and off he went >Sisters, brother, and mother are in tears >I'm too pissed to be sad >When he gets to Texas, he gets settled in at his mother's home >He calls everyday, asking for me a lot >I usually brush him off because I'm still being a fucking faggot
You have been visited by the Merchant of Greed! Post this in 6,000,000 threads or you will be scammed of all of your shekels! ???????????????????????? ?????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????? ????????????????????? ?????????????????
>>559414734 >He just wants to know how I'm doing in school, in wrestling (Inb4 faggot), with friends etc. >Eventually, I don't pick up his calls >He starts leaving voicemails, all ending the same way >"I love you guys. Bye," in a sobbing voice. >I'm the biggest fucking asshole ever >Now I pick up when ever I get the chance >I learn he had a job at a Silo, which made him sick >He was near harmful chemicals, and was never supplied with proper equipment >My aunt had a boyfriend who died there because of that >He always tired quickly after that job, even at a job he had at a post office >I learned he was swollen up and sick when he was bitten by an army of Fire Ants >I learned he had a small heart attack >Finally, after hearing all this, he says "Hold on, I got to talk to someone" >He says the staff had to give him his medicine >"The staff?" >"Yeah, here at the homeless shelter. They treat me good here, anon." >Dropped the phone in a combination of tremendous grief and blistering rage
>>559414179 It's sad to think how hard it is to remember anything about him. I feel like it was so long ago. I remember how big he was and how he never hurt me or my sister. I wish I had more pictures of him.
>>559412038 jesus this is such a trip ive been living in NYC for the past year and not being able to see any stars is something thats definitely bugged me considering i grew up in bumfuck nowhere i cant imagine never having seen them.
>>559414916 >He was in a fucking homeless shelter >WHY? >He was suppose to be taken care of by his fucking sibling. >Eventually, I calm down tell him "good bye". >One week passes, and mom has good news >She hangs up the phone >"That was your dad. He's coming back to us!" Fast forward to September of last year >Everyone in the family is doing their own thing now >Sister's are working, one is married >Brother has a family of his own >I'm a senior at this point >Brother agrees to pick up dad at airport >Its 2:00 a.m. and my brother is on his way >Its 2:30 and we hear our door open >Dad walks in, smaller than before he left >His face is practically skin and a skull >He looks so fragile and brittle. >He's so sick, airport personnel offered to put him in a wheelchair >Only weighs 90 lbs >Poke fun at him every now and then because that's how we are with each other >When he goes shopping for clothes, I take him to the children's clothing >When I go shopping, he jokes about taking me to the Zoo >Good to have him back
Do you ever wish that you could just be... normal? Normal like other people. To be around other people. To socialize much more easily with other people. To get texts and calls and being asked to hang out. Maybe it's having someone invite us after school. Or hearing a party outside your dorm room and hoping someone would knock and invite you over. Or wishing the co-workers would invite you out for a drink after work. To not be the kind of person you are. To be the kind of person people actually want to hang out with. To not be so distant, so alone. Maybe give up some of your intelligence and just enjoy the ignorance of bliss and be with everyone else. To be accepted by others. Do you ever wish that you could just be... normal?
>>559415067 Fast Forward to November of last year >I was getting ready for school and was about to leave >I saw dad sleeping on the couch >Left for school >2 periods pass, and its Final Exam day >One of the teachers looks at me as I'm passing and says "Anon, they want you at the office" >Go to the office, passing teachers who look like they know something about me that I don't >Sign out >Brother shows up >Uncomfortable ride home 4 days pass >Everyone is dressed for the viewing >Family from Texas showing up (don't say a single fucking word to them) >Wrestling team still sending their sympathies >For the next hour I sit in a funeral home with my head buried in my hands >My dad died from multiple organ failures >Didn't eat or sleep for the rest of the week >Go back to wrestling practice and collapse from dehydration >last thought was "I never said goodbye." fast forward to today >Dad's favorite band was playing on the radio >ELO-Telephone >Holding back tears
>>559415258 >Maybe a video game will help >Tried to finish The Warriors game's last mission >Swan vs Luther is the last mission >Can't stop thinking that I never told him "Good bye", or told him "I love you," enough. I went into Rumble mode after that and replayed Swan vs Luther in the Old Junkyard for hours. /b/, I know a lot of you may not give a shit about what some anon says. But I leave you with this; whether it's your mom or dad, take care of them as long as you can. To take care of my dad, is a privilege I don't have anymore. A privilege I lost and will never get back. My dad wasn't just a good dad. He was "The Best".
I'm sorry I didn't specify this earlier, but I wrote this greentext a little less than a year ago. It's not chronologically accurate anymore, but I also never had the guts to post it.
>>559414873 The feels. Trying to find a job at the moment. Sometimes it's hard to apply because I tear up when I have no experience to put down. Things are looking up though, my dad's buying a car and said I could use it when I get my license. >mfw I'm 23. >mfw I've wasted so much time that I'll never get back.
Someone posted this a few days ago and it always gets me as it describes WoW perfectly
Vanilla: You're born to a brilliant sunrise. The world is all new. Every turn, every corner is a new experience. Your future is bright and sunny. Things are just getting started. You're a noob but so is everyone else. Everything is surprise, laughs and good times. Happiness is all you feel and all you know.
Burning Crusade: The sun is at it's highest in the sky. You're no longer green and have settled comfortably into the world. Everything is at its zenith. The world is bustling and you're just one of the privileged few lucky enough to have lived in such a great time.
Wrath: You look onto the horizon. The sun is setting. You feel creaks in your bones that weren't there yesterday. You're wizened and weathered, a sage of times past. You make your final journey into the unknown, the land beyond sight. You leave behind everything, your friends, your memories, the world itself. You say goodbye and disappear as the last glimpse of the sun vanishes behind the sea.
Cataclysm: You return. You're old. Your adventures are over. The world you left is gone, changed completely. New faces are all that can be seen, none that you recognize. You realize your time has long past, the world belongs to others now. This is not your place...not anymore, the sun already set on you. it will never rise for you again.
Pandaria: All my friends are dead. People look at me with mixture of pity and disgust. I don't belong here anymore. I smile as I fade to black and as I leave I hear the voices of my old friends calling out to me.
>>559416173 I feel you man. I'm 25, no reasonable work experience lately. I needed to take time off to help my family, my mothers sick and needs people near. So in the time I've not been working everything went quickly to shit, car has more issues than its worth, resume has a nice big gap in it, the irs wants 30 fuckin dollars from my ass. Student loans popped back up after I didn't re-enroll a year or so ago. I can only hope that by nothing short of a miracle that things will change. Depression's a hell of a thing, don't let it get you like it is me.
>>559416532 I don't really go on that often. I don't have anything to do on RS anymore. The last year or so I played in 2012/2013 was basically just wrapping up quests her and I started together, and I've finished all the ones her and I both started.
>>559415825 I feel you anon. My aunt, almost my mother as my actual mother was always busy working to keep up with bills, died without I being able to say good bye. That fucking hurts. Thinking they left without knowing that you really cared for them...
>>559415931 And having to work in a Denny's to get there is somehow denigrating? Bullshit. If you think your dream life will just fall into your laps because you are somehow very special you deserve nothing but scorn.
I have three beautiful kids, a loving wife, nice houses, and a thriving company. I worked at bars, restaurants, constructions, and many more things to get where I am. I woke up from graveyard shift to graveyard shift to be able to pay the college my poor mother was never able to afford despite all her toil. I saved money and did everything I could to make sure my venture would succeed. And now I have what I want, and I can draw all the coastlines I want, and sculpt all the beetles my heart can take, and help all the kids my aunt was unable to due to her far too early departure. But it all began with swallowing my dreams and understanding the world owes me nothing.
If you can't even do the smallest sacrifices to get to be able to do any of those silly things you have always wanted to, then you have no one but yourself to blame.
>>559415869 I did do it already though but i didn't tell her how i truely felt I' m also anti-social and have really bad anxiety my palms are sweaty all the fucking time can not control it i can not even look someone in the eyes when i talk to them not even my own family
Here's my contribution to the thread http://imgur.com/EdO4BHp
My dog died 3 years ago, and I wasn't there for her. No one was. She died all by herself and I don't even know how long it took her to die. It's been 3 years and I still cannot forget myself. I keep promising I will make up for it but it will not be the same because I wasn't there for her and I cannot change that.
>>559417614 Play it forward to someone who could really use it. I'm alright where I am in life. I have one semester of college left and a job lined up for when I get out, and it will pay enough for me to get my own apartment.
I know nobody will read this. I've posted to other feels threads to vent, but they always 404 after.
It's been 542 days since those words. Those words are burned in my mind, and it feels like it's been forever. She was perfect. I was in love with her for 7 years. It started back in 7th grade. I left that school in 8th grade and hadn't seen her until September 2012 while I was in college.
We hit it off and I fell in love all over again after so long. She was perfect. We used to look at the night sky at the nearby bay and just talk about anything. I'd tell her about the stars and she'd tell me about her problems. I didn't care because I was with her.
It lasted only a month.
It's been 542 days, anons. I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression, bipolar disorder, and must take medicine. I have failed out of school and just lost my only job. I live with my parents who are in denial of my atheistic belief and scream at me if I speak out. I am no longer on medicine because I'm supposed to be "raw" for this psychiatrist that I'm finally getting a chance to see in a few days.
I've wanted to kill myself for weeks and weeks, and I want nobody to know of it. I feel nothing but anger and fear that coincides with the typical numbness.
I have a new girlfriend who has proven to me that she will go to hell and back to keep me okay. She is madly in love, but I cant fucking reciprocate that goddamn feeling because I can't fucking feel it. I hate myself. I want to die anons. At least I can cry finally. I want to leave her... but the shit part is that if I do, I know I'll off myself. If she's gone, so am I.
But none of this matters because I feel like an entitled piece of fucking filth who doesn't appreciate the things he has. I have a roof, food, computer, internet, games, girlfriend, new car, and some money.
Why can't I just be happy anons... Why can't I feel something other than anger, fear, or sometimes nothing at all.
Bitch this ain't wasted time. I was pretty much like you. No experience, no job, no car… I was a 24 year old underachieving virgin faggot with no friends, playing vidya all day long. And then I decided to turn my life around. And guess fucking what ? It took me less than a year. Not even a year later, I had a job, a gf, a gym membership, and about 50 people showed up at my 25th birthday. They got me a fucking ps4.
Don't fucking give up when you literally have your whole life in front of you.
>>559417847 well gee. How about we look up the birth and death records of a man named brandon who definitely would've appeared as a suicide in both the death records of the state AND THE FUCKING NEWSPAPER ARTICLES ABOUT A MAN WHO DIED IN A SMALL TOWN WITH A BAG ON HIS HEAD >oh look, there are none
you are the stupidest motherfucker on the planet you know that?
>>559418390 Oh shit. So did you go to the town where he lived and leaf through fucking newspapers? I think not. And death records are hard to find online, unless you have some nice connections. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNFtePUgHNU
If I wasn't so tired and torn up, I'd have posted more details and made it less confusing. Those words that she said was "Roy says hi."
In order to get me over her, she used him as bait to get me angry with her, because she knew that my first girlfriend cheated on me and used it because it's my weakness.
Regardless, this is no longer about her. She was a catalyst for this, but not the reason. In fact, I don't have a reason. I can't think up one goddamn reason why any of this happened. It happened so abruptly and randomly.
I can't think too much right now. It feels like my head is filled with a bunch of static.
Finally someone who hasn't babied me. Everyone "is there for me" and "understands," but only when it suits them to. Their understanding has done nothing for me other than make me feel even more like an entitled pussy.
>Be Me >Be 12 at time >Grades are failing, be a shitty brat >Father and Grandfather only want me to do good >Years pass, never change >Shitty Grades, shitty attitude >Both my Dad and Grandfather go out of there way for me >"Brock, I got you that new game you wanted" >Whatever dad, leave me alone >"Ok son, sorry to bother" >I can hear him cry, but I did not care >Years pass, be 16 >Grandfather dies >Dad is in shambles, and so am I >Both of use Diagnosed with Severe Depresson >Mine can't be treated, his can be treated. >Be 18 now, lots of time to think >I was shit, never there for my dad, and a brat son >Losing my dad, he is getting worse >I need him, without him I have no listen to live >Dad gets me a laptop >"Happy 18th Brock!" >"Thanks dad" >As he leaves my room, I sit in my room and cry for hours
I am sorry dad, for the way I acted when I was young, I took you for granted and now as I lose you I realize I need you to go on, I don't want to lose you.
>>559419418 I'll tell you something, when my great-grandpa died, I cried for like 1 minute, then got back to playing club penguin. I was a dumb ass kid, he was a funny jokester. Sometimes, it takes a while to hit you
>be me a few years ago >depressed as fuck cause two close cousins of mine passed and my grandpa >i can not feel anything only depression >act fake around other people >one day my sister and mom go to the store they say they'll be back in a hour or so >decided i wanted to kill myself >I was just laying in bed with the pills on the table and thinking about life >start thinking about how a relief it would be to just end it >i stay there thinking to myself what is the meaning of life would i eber live it >i just layer there and thought to myself for while >then i finally thought how will i find out what life means without living it >just put the pills back in the cabinet >sister and mom come back from store i hug them as hard as i can >you guys are the first people i ever told this and it feels good to finally tell someone
>>559419659 I learned that when all my friends left me after I fucking ran them off.
>>559419624 I was with her a month. You have to understand that she was an igniter that started something that I feel has been deeply rooted for a long time. I know about heartbreak, because I felt it before her, but this was different. The feeling of heartbreak, that actual and ironic pain in your chest, went away.... but it literally left a sense of "nothingness" behind.
All of this wasn't because of her, it's because I feel like I'm missing a part of me that never was there to begin with.
>>559419426 I'm so sorry, I went through the samething, bio dad poisoned me against step dad. And I was just a huge mess as child. I lost my step dad when I was 15, have never forgiven myself for the way I acted towards him...he loved me when he didn't have to. He was my real father, and I love him back, too late now, but I do.
Your story sounded too similar to mine, I'm so sorry again
>>559415124 yeah but the problem is, THIS is normal in 21th century, for %70 of males and %20 of females.
The other %30 is alpha males which gets the %80 of females, i know cause i have been there, and you wouldnt believe how awesome it felt to literally choose among girls. You are the man who dont give a fuck, humiliate and look upon the girls and betas, living your life having fun.
And then, if you have any above average intelligent, you slowly get tired of the game. The moment getting pussy isnt a treasure for you, and you realize a loving relationship is just a myth, you get tired of putting your time in to being someone who arent you. You realize you miss so many pleasures just to be happy, be alpha, and get tired.
Then you get distant, focus on your carrer, on books, on internet and gaming. Because there is no middle point in this century, it is either you are alpha and getting pussy, or not and not getting pussy.
Then finally, you become normal, you become sad, you become unhappy. But at least this time, you got so many other things, valuable and makes you excited, if not happy things. And you know where you came from, and you know you are normal by choice not neccesity, and you have to trust your former self to made the right choice.
>>559420272 He liked to play games with me, he loved it when I wanted to play Call of Duty with him, and now as time passes, his reflexes are good enough to keep up with anything, and we can't bond over much, my mom fucked me out of a relationship with him by feeding me lies about him my whole life.
>>559414873 You do realize this is what black have had to go threw the entirety Of the of the most of their lives? boo hoo mr. lil dick sad that he cnt get a job give me a break you white fucks only care when the shit hits ur own personal fan
/b/rothers. No matter how dark the darkness gets. No matter how deep in the feels you are hurt. No matter how far you go to escape the pain. No matter how empty you feel. No matter how broken you feel. No matter how much you change. No matter how you deal with all of the things in this world that make you sad.
I love you. I always will. Even if you're a Celestial Turbodick.
>>559419175 >be me 17 y/o kiddo >last relationship was pretty srs. We had sex. I thought'd I'd marry her after school like in all the movies >Nope.jpg, she cheats. >I go into a depression, angry towards everyone. I begin drinking and smoking alot more. Even get into some hard drugs, I quit after feeling like i'd get too hooked on it. >I spend most of my time on WoW. Most of my old friends changed, became popular and leave me behind. >Playing WoW and I meet this girl, we have similar interests, similar tastes in music, and we are friends for the longest time and talk alot >She makes me laugh, I actually smile for the first time in quite a bit. >tell her I really like her and we actually begin dating long distance. >I have a pretty much full time job at a resturant and am finishing school. I'm 18 at this point. >Working many hours at 8$ an hour. >2 of my friends that I met freshmen year turn into my best friends. Life is looking up >We text everyday, we talk about her moving to me and getting a place together. I'm so happy with life now. >she's now 19 i'm 18 >she has a job too, we both are planning for the future, just one more year of school and I'm free >Her living on her own, she gets less hours at work. Can't afford wifi or a phone bill > She texts me at work whenever she gets free wifi >Get one good conversation via text, or phonecall a month, every two weeks if i'm lucky >I don't feel she's cheating. She keeps saying she loves me, we send eachother pics and it's a strong relationship. We just can't talk >I go into depressions and just wait for a reply >One of my best friends leaves me and the other in the dust. >We are still dating to this day, I love her with everything I have. atleast 3 other girls have asked me out. I've turned them down. I'm deeply in love with this girl. >Currently waiting for a response Sorry i'm pretty bad at greentext. So theres a small peak into my life.
>>559420647 Somewhere along the line, I lost the understanding of how to socialize correctly or be a good friend. I upset them and they upset me. I don't know, but I feel as if it's my fault. They understood and cared until it didn't suit them to.
>>559420723 I've had an overwhelming urge to just fucking steamroll everything and fuck shit up my own way. I've always wanted to be a firefighter, police, or EMT, or some shit. Helping people. I'm already "in college" for IT shit though.. I can't change now. I've invested too much money. I don't know. So many things holding me back.
>>559420787 Yeah multiple. She was third. I'm on fourth now.
>>559419418 when my uncle died it took me two, almost three weeks before i really cried over it, and it was because something else unrelated made me tear up first. it's normal. you'll cry when you need to, or maybe not at all. everyone grieves differently. don't get caught up in thinking you have to do it a certain way or "the right way".
>>559420863 That's heartbreaking, and truly similar to my own experience, I too had to watch my dad whither away. Hopefully your dad doesn't hurt as much as mine did.
Spend whatever time you can with him, doing whatever you can with him, anything at all. I know you probably already are. Tell him you love him, and that you are grateful that he is your father....tell him you love him anon, and mean it if you have't already.
Damn this thread is still going. Its late as fuck here. I'm going through alot of shit here lately. Turns out my liver is shot, heard my mom talking to the doctor when i she thought i was in my room ( yes i live with my parents, health issues are a bitch). Anyways they think i have cirrhosis. Feels like i already have enough on my plate. Anyone suffering from health issues wanna just chat, wanna feel like i have someone who understands.
>>559419426 /b/ro i feel you man my dad got depressed as hell also i didnt appreciate him heres the story >it was a normal day coming from school mom came to pick me up >mom is in car with shades on she is crying i was thinking in my mind fuck something happened >my mom handed me some paper from some doctors office >i read it and read it tirns out my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor >i was just there and i felt bad but then how do i feel for someone i dont appreciate him >then i notice that i do love him deep inside you could say you do not appreciate him but deep inside but you feel sympathy for him meaning you stilllove him i don't know if you're dad is dead or not but if he is tell him you're sorry and thatbyou love him do not wait for aomething bad happen to notice you love him tell him now before its too late >my dad survived the surgery and is healthy now i tell him i love him and hug him everyday now and appreciate everything he does
>be me >feel like shit most days >want to kill myself >feel like me killing myself would be to bothersome for family and few friends to deal with >trick myself into fake happiness >know deep down it's all just made up in my own head so I'm not so alone >smoke lots of weed and drop lots of acid just to keep the illusion going >know I will never find true happiness >live like zombie Please kill me /b/
Don't take this as the wrong way. Granted nobody really gives a shit about you, but yourself but that means that you can bitch to anybody you want and because of your mutual "not giving a fuck" that you wouldn't care about being a burden to them. So just live, fuck everybody else and use them for your own goals. That is the way of heroes and champions.
I will type this shit down and hopefully it will make at least one of you feel better >Last year >Spring >Been having trouble with my parents >I don't really have a home so I sleep wherever any of my relatives let me stay >Hate my parents because I am convinced they are the reason my life is so fucked up >Cut to deal with anger >Everyday the idea of suicide seems better than the day before >Every time, I go to a bridge and walk from one way to the other, convincing myself that's not what I want to do Fast forward November the 6th >One day prior to my birthday >Home alone at my sister's house >She isn't coming back in at least 8 hours >Send farewell letters to all my internet friends >Grab razors and lock myself in the bathroom >Warm water running >I am bawling my eyes out >"Oh God please! Don't make me do this, please" >Get out of the shower and grab a blunt knife >Start going all over my shoulder and thigh >I press so hard it still makes me bleed >I keep on going but the thoughts don't go away >Family gets home >They see me covered in marks >"You are fucked in the head" is all they say >I start screaming
Everything else is just a blur I don't remember much from last year, except for this part and a few memories of me biking for hours. I know I had a therapist 'cause he sometimes talk to me but I still can't remember much
>>559421976 Not dead yet, he is 45, but he works hard every day. 8-14 hours as a boss at a very demanding job, they over work him and he goes in sick or not, and he comes home without enough energy to do anything other than play Elder Scrolls Online, I have not told him I loved him in years, I want to so bad, the last time I showed him any sign of love is when I hugged him at my grandfathers funeral.
>Have a rare disease that causes my immune system to dissolve my internal organs whenever it feels like it. >Mostly related to food. >On a strict diet of no fun. >Nearly bled to death internally because of it. >3 pints every two weeks. >Held it together. >Gained a shit ton of weight. Almost 100lbs. >Fiancee cheated, left me, took my cats, safety, confidence, and optimism. >Said she couldn't handle it anymore. >Went into deep depression. >Immune system ramps up again. >So much scar tissue all over my internal organs. >Survived because I had hope someone would understand. >Discovered new diet. >Embraced new life style. >Lost 80lbs. >Work for family biz. >Make $20 an hour working 50+ hours a week. >Adopting a little girl. >Just bought lake house. >Met someone who understands. >Falling in love one giggle at a time.
>>559421281 fuck it, change majors. better to keep your dreams and be poor than kill them to be rich. be full of righteous fury. every atom of your being was forged in the heart of a dying star, we are gods. embrace that, you glorious bastard.
>>559422093 2014 was a 180 degree turn. I enrolled in a Uni and I made the greatest people I could have ever imagined to meet but deep inside me I am still scared. Scared of all the things I cannot remember, they sometimes come back in a dream-like fashion. Everything is going so well right now that I'm scared it is not real, or that it might end soon.
/b/ros things eventually get better never give up. I love you, guys.
>>559422013 Are you me also....? Fuck man. Every day goes by like that. My mother would kill herself if I killed myself, that's the only reason I haven't yet.....I don't drop acid but I smoke lots of dope and drink a lot.....I guess this is just how life was meant to be. Keep it strong bro.....maybe we'll see each other on the other side.
>>559422431 Thank you so much anon, when you finish your story i'll tell you my problems. I know what its like to have a rare immune system disease though, mine isnt as bad as yours but if i get the cold it turns into the flu and what not, actually just had my infusion today that basically keeps me healthy enough not to kick the bucket.
>>559422140 it could haha. But I just spend everyday alone at night. I wake up, go to work, come home, either skype my best friend and play games if he's off work, or just do something alone. I see a psychiatrist for depression and bi-polar (runs in the family, my mom has it. A whole 'nother story) and ADD. I see a real doctor for life threatening shit. And then of course, all I want in this world is to hold her.
>>559420518 Fuck you heaven you're the fucking scum of the world.you know why yoi're not a fucking human being you have no feeling empathy for anyone what fucking mental illness do you have.do you enjoy this making fun of others emotional experinces. Do you like hiding insecurities by doing this wtf
In the end, our lives are meaningless. Killing myself would hurt my girlfriend too much. I just want someone to kill me.
As for college, my gpa is too fucked to even do anything. I'd have to lose weight too. In this amount of time, I've gained weight to a point of being 320 lbs. It's what I get for emotional binge eating. I still do it despite eating and feeling fat and like shit.
>>559422885 I'm just ready for things to get better... I'm tired of working all the time and never ever getting ahead. I smoke cigarettes now and dope all the time... I'm 29 and I'm going to die like my father.
I guess I ultimately just got bored with all this shit. When I was in college, I made a promise to myself that I would quit smoking by the time I turned 25, so I started with that. One thing leading to another, I also started eating better to improve my health. Then going to sleep and waking up a bit earlier each day. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator more often, doing some pushups or taking short walks once in a while, shit like that. I also decided to dress better, so I wouldn't be afraid to go out anymore.
This very little amount of effort worked suprising well on my morale, so I began feeling a little better. To the point that I felt confident enough to reconnect with some old friends from school. One of them got me a decent job in an advertising agency, and I made a carreer out of it.
Fast forward a couple of months, I was dating this girl from work, going out with friends and colleagues almost every other day, and regularly meeting new people. Just by hanging out with acquaintances (I'm still not good at conversations).
I took off my clothes, and I got in bed. I grabbed my laptop, and put it on my disgusting, stretch mark covered stomach. I open up /b/ to browse for the most ass-backwards porn I could find. Along the way down I find a feel thread, open it because why the fuck not. I start reading, and it all comes back to me. How I hate my life. How I wish I was dead. The last time I was genuinely happy was a year and three months ago. I put away my lube. I'm not in bed anymore. I don't even know why I'm typing, over 250 replies, as if anyone is going to read what I have to say. I'm just another self-loathing cunt on the internet. I don't know why I even got out of bed, as if venting to a bunch of anonymous faggots on /b/ will change anything. Fuck you.
>>559421020 no its where theyre at a party and his girlfriend lost a bet so she strips and then sucks a guys dick and the beta pretends to not notice. then she walks up to him and opens her mouth to show him the other guy's jizz in her mouth. that story gives me panic attacks
Back when I was 14 or so, my sister had this album. She used to listen to it in the car on night rides home after my mum picked me up from evening fencing. I feel like I inheirited some of my music tastes from her.
I don't have a very substantial family life. Most of my family lives overseas, the relationship with my father is distant, with my sister strange, all I really have is my mother and stepfather, I feel.
I like to listen to this song and imagine how things could have been, for everything. If I found young love. If I had a tight family. If I had people to share the romance of life with as much as I want to.
>>559423172 Totally butting in but losing weight isnt that hard, its all about educating yourself, willpower, and hating yourself. At my heaviest i weighed 300lbs, but i hated myself and i got down to 200lbs through cardio and watching my cal intake.
Then again what do i know, im a depressed construction worker getting drunk off warm beer at 230am.
>>559423107 " All i want in this world is to hold her", yeah i know that feeling all too well. This girl that i was talking to just completely blindsided me the other week. "Oh anon you're just the best, you're everything i ever wanted in a guy, babe you're great". Then the next day we go on an amazing date, I had fun, I know she had fun. Then the next day she says "idk, i just dont think were right for each other" and ends it right there.... Fuck girls man, they are so confusing. hah, sorry to spill that all on you
>>559423430 Mine was total shit to me when we were together, now she's a great friend, and she's married to a damn decent British dude who I'm also friends with now. She's totally apologetic about how she used to walk all over me, but I just laugh off the past, cause we were young and naive.
>>559423317 I've got Crohn's, Psoriasis on 30% of my body, Psoriatic arthritis, Stage 2 hypertention, and just found out there is something wrong with my liver enzymes. Yes, it is hell, but no it's not life ending.
>>559422885 Unfortunately during my freshmen year of high school I became an atheist and completely fucked my belief system. I didn't know what to think, or how to react to life. During my junior year I started experimenting with hallucinogenic. I dropped off the map hard I went from number 3 in my class to like 100 or something. I just stopped caring.
>>559423317 Eh what do you do? You either hang in there and work at building some kind of life for yourself or you just quit by suicide or drugs or whatever.
I wouldn't say I'm happy (yet?)but I'm doing a few things with my life, studying, getting off methadone (was shooting pain killers) slowly... go to gym few times a week. Just need to work on the social side of things a bit more, I am living in New town and don't know anyone. The thought that life is temporary is tbh really comforting, I just tell myself oh well this shit is only temporary and hopefully I will experience some happiness before I do die.
I will just try and do the average thing now, study, get decent job, buy house or whatever. Will try for kids and relationship I guess, but I don't know where my attraction to kids comes into that. Same age relationships have never felt very good and the sex. ... I would say unpleasant for me even though they seemed to like it.
>>559423276 Oh damn dude, good luck with adopting, are you doing it so you dont carry on the "bad" genes? I've realized that i can't bring a kid into the world with the possibility of it having the same shit as i do. Well the major thing that is fucking with me lately is the schizophrenia, i can't do anything about it except stay drugged ya know? I feel helpless inside my own head mainly because of the voices. I also have bi-polar 2 and major depression. Always battling with the depression, but the lithium helps with the moods and the racing thoughts. Now the health issues go as following; I have hypogammaglobulinemia, a form of arthritis that is slowly mending my bones together but i forget the name off the top of my head, fibromyalgia, and just little extra stuff that just pop up. I'm having a relatively good night though, but the sleeping meds didnt work so the insomnia is keeping me up. I guess though is that things just get worse and worse for me it seems. I just kinda want to stop plaguing everyone with my problems. I mean i know alot of it comes from the genes of my father. I want to stop feeling guilty when my parents are in debt because of me. I'm tired of everyone being afraid of me. I'll continue if you want to hear me whine somemore.
>>559424069 Sometimes it would feel alot better to just give up though, i just sent what most of my health issues are so look for the post. >>559424207 Life is weird as hell man. I dont do really anything, i sit in my room on 4chan, take my meds, and sit in a daze. I'm that cancer on society everyone is always talking about.
>>559424481 I can't say I've ever felt that way. It's always been more of a "I just don't wanna do anything" not a "I just wanna give up and die" for me. So, my feels go out to you even if I can't feel your feels.
>>559424653 My mom has devoted her life to take me to and from doctors, visiting me in hospitals, or just staying there with me. Shes done everything for me. Shes more afraid she'll come to wake me up and find i've finally done what needs to be done. Everyone else is afraid of the rages i have because of the schizophrenia. I never am violent towards other people, but more violent towards myself. I'm a gutless coward who can't end the pain i cause everyone i know. I dont even know why i can't anymore, i used to have hope things would be better, even in the deep dark thralls of depression i could see through it, but now i guess i realize not everyone in life gets a fair hand and that some people just dont deserve to live. I always sit in threads like these and think to myself, damn if only people knew how bad i have it, but now its just understanding. Hoping i get the courage to just do it. I'm just tired of fighting only to have little moments of happiness, i want the real thing, but i know it'll never happen.
>>559424481 It's hard man I feel for you, you have a lot of shit to deal with. I used to get so jealous of "healthy" people lol. I guess I'm just kinda jaded now but still trying to achieve *something*. I also struggle a lot with meaninglessness and pointlessness. I think we are basically here to experience interesting?/pleasant or whatever else Things. Can be pretty hard when you're sick all the time, even if you're in a fun situation you can't enjoy cause you feel like shit. Just have to find ways around it, ways you can enjoy yourself. I think social connection is also really important. I always undervalued it and am just realizing it's importance. I go to church groups nor for religion but to meet nice people. So they say we are social animals.
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