DrawQuest: Shorty edition
/*Rules: Go through the story choosing one of the options. The first one with 2 votes wins.*/
Tale 651: The Shoe Salesman
You are a lonely shoe salesman living in the lowly populated town of Bladdersfigg, a quiet and boring town with a pseudo medieval setting. You don’t have any clients, friends and much less a girlfriend. Your life sucks and you decide you have had enough of it. The time finally comes when you must take a decision.
You decide to:
a) Go out and travel the world.
b) Become a famous magician.
c) Kill yourself
You decide to become a magician and perform various tricks for the plebeians. However their medieval mentality makes them see you as an heretic and the church orders for your arrest. You find yourself surrounded by the Spanish inquisition.
a) Run for it.
b) Use magic against them.
You throw a bunch of cards at the Spanish Inquisition. They seem unimpressed, beat you down and take you to the local dungeon.
After days of torture you find yourself alone in your cell, awaiting for your public execution.
b) Face your destiny like a man.
c) Pretend you are dead.
You escape with the help of the magic chainball. However the Spanish Inquisition catches up to you quickly using their Inquisition Vessels.
a) Try to outrun them.
b) Stay and fight.
c) Scream like a pansy.
You fight back with your trusty magic chainball.
After a long, epic and arduous fight you manage to take down the Spanish Inquisition. Sadly your magic chainball had to sacrifice its life to save you, so now you are falling to your doom at high speeds.
a) Aim for the lake to land safely.
b) Try to land in the clouds to hit a soft spot.
c) Land in the castle to take your revenge against the people that put you in chains.
You maneuver in the air and drift your body into the lake. You make an epic entrance and splash into the lake like a champion.
Thanks to your magical abilities you are able to transform into a pseudo-aquatic creature in order to breath there safely. You immediately meet a mermaid that swam there to investigate the splash.
a) Ask her to take you to her leader in order to negotiate an alliance to take revenge against the upper world and avenge your chainball.
b) Eat her for nourishment. Health comes first.
c) Mate with her.
You decide it's time to end it all. Your shitty life, all the abuse, all those wasted years.
You talk to the king of the lake and he agrees to lend you troops to take over the surface.
After months of planning and preparations your army is finally ready and you take the battle to dry land.
You stand near Bladdersfigg with an army of 10,000 merfolk.
a) Attack the Castle and defeat the Spanish Inquisition forever.
b) Attack the town first and take revenge against the people that never loved you.
c) Give an inspirational speech to your troops to boost the morale.
You command your army of merfolk to attack the castle. Your army seems unstoppable and greatly outnumbers the members of the Spanish inquisition. You hack through the main gate easily and reach the castle courtyard.
You can taste victory.
a) Go for the King and kill him personally.
b) Burn down the castle.
c) Force the Inquisition to surrender and sign a peace treaty between land and water.
You take the fight to the King of the Spanish Inquisition, he offers no resistence. You hang him with the rope you considered using to hang yourself so many months ago while his daughter, Princess Syphilis, watches in agony and despair.
Victory is yours. The kingdom is under your command and the people that never love you before now must do what you tell them.
You think about what you have accomplished and you decide it is time for another important decision.
a) Use the rope to hang the princess.
b) Take the Princess innocence.
c) Return to the water and live the rest of your life amongt the merfolk.
Your inner voices confuse you and you lose track of what you are supposed to do, so you decide to fuck the princess while hanging her and then return to the water to mate with the mermaid you met several months ago.
Sadly, Princess Syphilis gives you Syphilis and the mermaid gives you fish aids.
You are now sick and once again face certain death.
a) Quest for a cure.
b) Accept your destiny and die in peace.
c) Keep mating with everyone.
You refuse to give up. You decide you will find a cure. But you also decide you won't go through this pain all by yourself. From village to village, from kingdom to kingdom, and from realm to realm you search for the cure. Spreading the infection, having sex with any living thing that crosses your path.
Your legend spreads across the land, you are known as "The Aids King". With each victim you take a new disease invades your body, transforming you more and more.
Bear gonorrhea, Bird vaginosis, Orc scabies, magic HIV and elf warts.
You slowly transform into what you really are deep inside.
Soon you find yourself alone in the world. Everyone but you has died. Your magic protects you from every disease known to man, but it can do nothing about your deformed body.
You are all alone again. Again you find yourself with no one to love, no friends, no army, no kingdom, and again, no girlfriend. You are tired of this new life you created for yourself.
You must take an important decision.
a) Go out and travel to another world.
b) Become a famous super magician.
c) Kill yourself
Become a super magician, grow your power further, and challenge the heavens themselves for bestowing this cruel fate unto you. Challenge the gods themselves, and rule the universe as its dark king. and then kill yourself.
You decide you had enough. You had nothing, then you got everything, and for following your selfish desires you lost everything again. Except now it is different, you made sure you had nothing left to fight for. There's no need to struggle anymore.
You go back to your old shoe workshop. You take that old rope and hang yourself from the ceiling.
And thus the legend of the Shoe salesman comes to an end.
As the corpse of the Shoe salesman hangs inside the workshop. A little girl watches everything from outside the window.
And thus begins the story of the little girl that watches everything from outside the window.
But that's a story we shall tell another day.