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>>557033679 Stopped because of my own problems. Also the psychological pain of finding out someone you just talked to on the phone killed themselves is a pretty live experience to deal with especially when they open themselves up to you like no one else.
>>557033389 Helping others or just listening to someone who needs to vent made me feel better honestly. No matter how fucked up they were or what they said i always listened and gave advice that usually helped them get onto a better life in the long run.
I talked to teens, adults, usually people between 16-30, rarely anyone older.
>was a few years ago when social media became popular.
>>557036349 I got a call from a friend i usually talked to, lets call him J.
>calls me up >sounds like he's been running, knew he's been working out for his self esteem >"Anon, i really messed up man" >"J, what's wrong, speak to me bro" >"I fucked up man, i said i wouldn't let it go but i did" >heart starts beating faster, i've had this kind of call before >"i've had a pretty fucking bad day man, i'm sorry" >"it's ok man, don't be sorry, what happened" >"it's everywhere" >heart sinks like a rock, i know what happened >"it's bleeding through the towels man i stopped half way through, i pussied out" >"Did you call 911 yet, how long ago did you do it" >His voice audibly gets slower >"a few minutes ago, hasn't slowed down yet, i got in the tub to stop making such a mess" I've known this kid for just about more than 2 years, and the feels are really getting to me right now. (Cont?)
>>557036175 Loss of interest in just about everything, always feeling 'tired', not exhausted but tired of everything which then leads to frustration and self-destructive behavior- deterioration of optimism and just loss of internal energy this is me right now, im trying to change it all but lack direction it all feels so bleak
>>557038216 This behavior is what's blocking you from making it interesting. Yes, it's all in your head. But what you're not realising is that if you change your mindset for not even a day, it can turn right around for the better.
I've stopped driving to some places nearby my home, i started walking.
Not only did i notice things i never realised in my own neighborhood but my overall mental state felt better with more time in the sun and seeing other people walk by. I even met a neighbor i've lived next to for 4 years and never even knew his name until then.
Gives you plenty of time to think of the positve things. Running often a week can improve so much as to what and where you can go with your own two legs.
I'm gonna try and just summarize up what happened, it honestly hurts thinking we were best bros over the phone and then that friendship is cut off instantly.
>he pauses several times, i guessed from short term blackouts from bloodloss. >"man" >"J please, i swear to god you better hang up on me and call 911" >"man, they won't even talk to me like you did" He said "did", as in past tense. I'm sorry, tears are coming to my eyes as i'm typing this shit. >"J please for the love of god keep pressure on your arm-" He didn't respond for a few seconds >"nah man, what good is it, i'm too tired for that" >"J!" He doesn't respond for a whole fucking minute. Meanwhile i've been trying to fight back tears as to what i'm hearing from my friend. >"hey" This caught me off by surprise because his voice was quick and whispery after total silence >"J" >"thanks man" >"for what J, i've told you you didn't have to thank me for anything"
>"Thanks anon for being the voice on the other side, after all the shit i've been through, you've been there for me as well" >"Bitch don't get all sentimental on me right now" >"Stop your crying anon, i'll talk to you sometime, maybe in person for once" I couldn't respond to this, my shirt was soaked with tears. >"J" >No response >"J you bitch talk to me please" >No response
I stayed on the line until i heard a door open and a woman scream. Somewhere in all the crying and weeping on the other end the call was ended.
I saw his obituary in an online news article two days later...
>>557039161 its just, im tired of all the liars, the cheats, the assholes. im kind and friendly to all but am lied to often (even the liars who lie to impress me, shit isnt right). the others just bore me, i dont remember being so picky with the people i talk to in the long-term, i have some really close friends too but im a bit embarrassed to talk about this with them ...
what triggered all this shit, was a girl who i fell mad for but was in denial of, she began distancing herself from me on a random night which was absolute shit but didnt realize this until i dropped her off
i dont know how to show affection because i grew up being smothered by family whos love was just too much for me so i began to distance myself from them and resent them. i didnt show affection to anyone but felt every ounce of love for everyone after i grew up some more and began taking steps toward being able to actually tell someone i give a shit about them
so then i tried calling her or seeing her just to talk to her and telling her how it is, asking why shes distancing herself, if shes not into me then im fine with that, i just need an answer is all 'cause im so god damn tired of not knowing
im not familiar with emotions much just grief and joy really, anger lead to self destruction which was vented good and proper in a healthy way at the beach i suppose...
>>557042184 You, anon, are doing gods work. Everyone, including you, has an insane amount of problems. Yet you volunteer to keep up with not only your own shit, but shit from other people too. If you could do me one wish, live long and prosper.
I've attempted suicide twice, and i took it as a lesson.
Yeah i fucked up suicide on myself, call me a faggot all you could want.
Maybe i wasn't on such a level as the people i talked to to make sure it worked both times, but feeling like shit was a daily thing for me, and at times all i thought was that falling asleep and not waking up was the best option.
I've been cheated, lied to, put down, bullied, treated like shit by my own abusive parents, yet here i am, alive, and grateful i still have the ability to impact other peoples lives, even if it's just one lonely person like me.
>>557042702 Yeah, a friend from high school way back when. He had schizophrenia. He set his house on fire with himself in the crawlspace beneath it. I take it he died from it but i didn't want to work to find out more about the incident. Who knows.
Keeping yourself suppressed of your emotions is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You have to vent to someone, even if it's just writing a letter and burning it in the fireplace. Great way to leave things in the past and get feelings out when no one's around.
>>557044783 Just me, and trust me, it was hell trying to keep it together. 4000 people in contact was a lot to keep up with and i'll admit it stressed me out way too much. One of the reasons i stopped it. I couldn't get others to help me out officially like i've been doing solo.
>>557044783 My girlfriend knew about it and supported me through tough times like the time the story i stated above happened. She didn't take part in helping me run it though, i didn't blame her not wanting to talk to people with such problems.
>>557046219 After years of talking to thousands of people with problems much worse than my own, it started to stress me out to the point it was affecting my own life.
One can only take so much, even though i dedicated years to listening to as many as i could and offering advice to those who really needed it. It's like a never ending psychological fuck trip and trust me, unless you're capable of handling so many people with so many problems, it can't last long until you have to worry for yourself.
I feel terrible for having to slow it down and pass people onto someone different they weren't used to talking to, and not knowing how some ended up still hurts to this day. But i needed to help myself as much as these people did.
And a few close people to me died. If that doesn't affect you the slightest bit after you've been their confidant for so long and sometimes best friend, then you're a really troubled person...
>>557046998 Yes, i never asked for a cent from these people. Some donated and gave me help of my own with their own accounts and advice.
But helping as many as i could was the only reward i needed, and knowing they bettered their lives and turned their lives around was even better.
Two organizations offered to help but i was younger and thought i had it under control. I didn't know these people and i doubted the people i talked to would simply switch over to a "professional" over the line.
Dude you're truly an angel sent down to be with us. Even though you lost some of the people you spoke with, I'm sure those people kept you in their hearts every single day. You were their shining light despite their turmoil.
It took me a while before i finally felt like getting it out.
And /b/ is known for its emotionally and mentally beaten populace. It's a place where even though the word faggot is thrown around more than a boomerang in the outback, it has some of the most kindhearted people i've seen, much like fellow posters in this thread.
>stalked me from fuckin' alaska man >ALASKA. >conspiracy theorist, vegan, and emotionally unstable, arsonist, anarchist, possibly bipolar. >somehow found my personal address even after i never gave this bitch a hint >Sent me nudes and pics of her "tattoos" she gave herself with a sewing needle and pen ink.
>mfw she had the hottest fuckin' body i've ever seen to this day.
>>557032789 This is inspiring man. I lost someone very close to me to suicide, and i talked a friend out of it as well. This makes me want to make a difference as you did. How did you set up this hotline and how did it start getting as much callers as it did?
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