Hey /b/, I have a piss test tomorrow. I have a friends urine in a 5 hour energy bottle in the fridge. How should I go from here?
Dumping this slut
Suck friends dick
all a nigga needs is a gallon of water, packet of certo, gatorade, and b-12 vitamins
>pour a little gatorade out
>get whole packet of certo in bottle
>chug it all
>take 3 b-12 vitamins so piss is yellow
>chug gallon water
do this 3 hours prior to testing and you pass every time
Hmm, whats Certo, and where can i get some b12?
might as well not do a background check either right?
Who cares if you murder people on your own time so long as you do your work and don't show up to work right after killing someone. Right?
>companies enforce drug testing
what the fuck, I bet you're an amerifat.
I live in western europe and have never heard of shit like that, because we actually respect privacy here.
Please enjoy your freedoms where companies get to rape your civil rights night and day and you guys still think you're the freest nation on earth TOP FUCKING KEK
at least you got guns though. that is the one true freedom, to be able to shoot anyone that steps on your lawn without asking any questions you retarded amerifuck
They normally check for temperature so ideally you want a lighter or a handwarmer to get it up near 80-90 degrees or whatever
If you give them a fuckin room temp piss sample they are going to know you are retarded
Are they pretty stringent on the temp of the piss?
first off. take that shit out of the fridge. if you hand them cold piss its a dead give away that it didn't just come from you. Keep that shit warm, its summer so if you leave it in your car it'll warm up to a temp that seems human (98.6 F). Some places will watch you take a piss so either be prepared to deal with this through a little bag connected to a small tube that runs down your dick or go buy a Wizzer (a fake penis that you can fill with piss). Also, you can buy synthetic urine off the net as well. Also, never get piss from a sexually active female. She may be unaware that she is pregnant and they can tell from a piss test if someone is pregnant or not, assuming you are a male, you'd be screwed.
>take latex condom, stretch it out
>pour pee pee in to it
>place pee pee condom between armpit
>go to test facilty
>go into stall
>pop open pee pee codum into little cup (it will be warm from your armpit
>might as well not do a background check either right?
Well yes, fucking stupid piece of american shit, you think you're fucking free but you're as free as a fucking lab rat mother fucker.
This anon got it right.
Hey dude. I've done this. Bad news is you'll probably need more piss than that. I used a prescription pill bottle and it was almost not enough. What I did was microwave the pee until it was bubbling. I just hit the 30sec button and waited. Then wrapped the bottle in a paper towel, then tin foil. Then I put it where it would stay warm on my body which was inside my bra. You can tape it to your thigh, or try putting it in your underwear to keep it warm. Be careful not to be too noisy and not to be too quick in the bathoom! I used a woman's piss who was over 40 years older than I was and had a ton of meds in her system. They didn't fucking check. Not unless its pain killers or alcohol when you're underage. You can also use pic related next time.
was thinking taint, actually
go buy hand warmers...... wrap the 5 hour energy bottle up with the handwarmers and secure with rubber band..... should keep temp right at 94-100. Then wear tight fitting underwear and hide the bottle with hand warmers next to your taint(practice this first and see if you have to make some diy adjustments). Go take piss test. Did this like a month ago but i used Quickfix
Catheter drainage bag with the urine in it strapped to your armpit. You pull the tube down your back, between your ass cheeks to under your dick. Secure it there with tape. Get a stopper for the tube, remove the stopper while undoing your pants. You can now control the flow of your urine using pressure from your arm and it has your body temp. It even looks authentic.
It always works, got through a lot of tests on my probation with this.
I work in recruitment. Heaps of people fail not because they used somebody elses urine but because it was not hot enough.
dont just think you can take somebody elses urine you need to have warm enough as well.
My advice take one of those hand warmer things and crack it and wrap around the bottle that has the urine. before you go in. then fill the cup. feel it.
To get an idea 38C is where u want it.
go get a thermometer get an idea.
When u take the piss test the temp can always come down not up.
>will be perfect body temp
>hassle free carrying
Just make sure to tie a string onto the top so you don't lose it in your colon.
I have to drug test all the time. Do contract work, and before every contract have to test.
Just don't do drugs a week before the test. Drink a shit load of water; to the point where you piss at least twenty times a day. Everything will be stripped from your body, including any drugs you've been doing. weed is the only one most people worry about since it stays in your system longer than a couple days like most other drugs.
Day of test take your b-complex vitamins so your piss is yellow and your all good. Works every time nigga
My last drug test they litterly had the piss for a WEEK. I didn't even know that you could test it after that long. It needs to be warm anon, but by the time they test it you'll be okay if its not exactly 98.6.
For job interview situations do they normally check you for anything? Like can you just go in the stall with your coat still on or whatever?
I took one a while back and it was pretty low-key, just let me go in a stall by myself and piss and come back out
But I was also clean at the time having put the test off as long as possible and double-checking beforehand with one of those cheapie at-home tests
>weed is the only one most people worry about since it stays in your system longer than a couple days like most other drugs.
Weed will not come out of your body into your bloodsteam if you are actively gaining weight.
THC is stored in your fat. If your body is busy storing new fat from the bacon you've been eating, the stored THC will stay locked away.
would be funny but condoms are pretty damn strong
Also, advice for anyone giving their actual piss and not using fake stuff / someone else's
>never give first piss of the day (has more built up toxins)
>never give beginning or end of a stream (has more toxins)
And buy like 20 of those home test kits off amazon for $5 and test yourself before you actually have to go in
alright guys im done posting, gonna go masturbate
Here's the rest of Megan
You fucks realize that companies don't FORCE you to do drug testing, right?
They offer a job, and if you step forward to take that job, you have to submit to the drug test FOR THAT COMPANY.
What you call "freedom" is just forcing anyone who actually wants to run business to blindly pick workers out of a hat, who will be sure to disappoint them.
Which is why you're second-world.
>I actively contribute to the unemployment of this world while condemning NEET shitters
I can't wait you rip a giant gash in your throat.
Day of the rope, day of the fucking rope.
Suck my dick FBI.
Labs usually test the temperature. If you hand them a cold/hot bottle of piss, they'll either assume you are a walking corpse, or trying to pass off someone else's piss. Based on Occam's Razor, which one would you think to be the most likely, if you were in their shoes?
It needs to be at around the temperature of the average human body when you hand it to them.
Also, keep in mind that what you are planning is considered fraud. If it's for a job interview, it's unlikely that they would bother to pursue legal action against you. If it's by court order, it goes from fraud to tampering with evidence, and possible obstruction of justice. It is highly likely that the courts would bother to pursue it, because they've got nothing better to do, and all the money and resources to do it with.
I think companies know everyone is in some kind of drug, mostly weed or research chemicals and they know they would have a lot less candidates if they used a more accurate test. If they really cared they would drug test you more than just when you get hired and promoted.
Okay, fair enough.
For the Chronic weed smoker then. Like I was before I started contract work.... I went through an ounce every 3 days on my own. I had 3 days to clean up before my first piss test. the only thing that got me through it was a strip cleanse drink. You can get them at any head shop. Follow the instructions exactly and it is supposed to hold the thc in your body for your test. It worked for me..I hear it doesnt work for some people but I almost think they just didn't follow the instructions exactly
I stuffed it into my bra, hence all the heavy packaging I used. Its way better to have the piss taped to your thighs if you don't have breast. Pocket...ehhh not the best idea. Just use tape it needs to stay warm.
You want to bring down unemployment?
Always bitching about what you think your "rights" should be, but in the end you want legislation that makes anyone who isn't you have to swallow your cock.
Like, you seriously think you should be able to come to work strung out, half-ass it, and get paid. Hell, you probably think you should be automatically given a job (but the one you want), and be paid unconditionally no matter how shit you do it or even if you don't show up.
Well guess what, fuckstain? If that were how things worked, pretty much everyone would work as a food taster, game tester, or pornstar, and supply and demand would break the fuck down.
Why don't companies want to hire druggies? You think it's some irrational paranoia? Fuck no! If the drugs were legal, they still wouldn't hire you, because it hurts the bottom line, and guess what happens when a company goes in the red for too many years? It fucking flips and there you go, more unemployment.
Take the dick out of your ass and stop pretending that drugs are just a lifestyle choice in a vacuum, with no effect on anything around the user.
Also you can always buy two if you aren't poor and test yourself a day or two prior with an at-home kit (cheap as fuck)
Worth it for the peace of mind especially if you need the job
Oh i forgot they DID make me turn my pockets inside out so that is also a no go for that reason.
If piss spoils at room temp then why was the lab able to test my piss after a week? After 1 week it got to the test lab after coming from the local hospital where I took the test.
What country are you from? I bet it's in at least a mild depresseion. You are just mad that your country doesn't excel at everything worth exceeding in (I.e. research, sports, media, etc.). It's written all over your post. Even if this is bait, my statement holds. America is the best country in the world. Our influence is everywhere and people would die to live here- from the lower class to aspiring researchers to media folk. You are so butthurt. See yourself out.
...Where have you smelled/seen stale piss anon? Are you a parent? Thats just a weird way to put it. But anyways so I'm assuming then they test the temp then they fridge it? Anyways I used heat so I was good.
I'm not, I've been in public bathrooms which reek of that shit, and that's correct that they check the temp first then refrigerate, I've been tested way more times then I can count
I'm from Germany and our economy is doing pretty good.
Companies are not allowed to inquire data about any employees health background or even do obligatory drug testing because we're not in as rotten a state as the US is apparently.
The only way to go through that kind of testing is if you are looking for a job in the police or army.
OP, research something called Fruit Pectin. You can buy it at Target where I live. Buy a big bottle of your favorite diuretic (i prefer grape juice) and the morning of the test, drink the ENTIRE bottle, while mixing the Fruit Pectin in at a ratio of 1 tablespoon Pectin per 1 cup juice. Make sure to piss at least twice before the test, more is better. The pectin keeps the THC stored in your body, away from your urine.
At this point your urine should be crystal clear, but that's a red flag for drug testers, so drink a big energy drink get enough Vitamin B to turn it a normal color, and viola.
I passed a drug test for a job at a hospital using this method. Although I did refrain from smoking for one week before hand, and I have a rather high metabolism, so if you're a fat fuck or you smoked today, this may not work.
Lol, you think sports are worth excelling in.
I'm sure your country is such a better place because some meatheads can make more than a doctor just for throwing a ball around and causing concussions.
The lower class and all of the unfortunately bad things that come all with it (i.e. drug use) is definitely a growing problem here. It sort of makes sense given the size and diversity of America. People are not going be as uniform as they would be in a smaller country like Germany, so you are going to have to account for things like drug use in large, diverse populations. Drug use has been ahown to effect work performance, so there's that. I don't have a problem with it. People will complain about anything.
Btw, lol at the fact that we are speaking english, you fucking nazi.
I don't really care that we excel in sports. A lot of people across the globe do, though, which is why I listed it as one of the many different fiwlds we are superior in. Good try, though, you fucking imp. Keking my ass off at your life right now.
>implying i'm a european?
drug use certainly does effect performance. give your employees free cocaine and they will be 200% more productive. give them free weed and they wont come in and shoot everyone up.
>>implying i'm a european?
Nice backtracking. Please tell me what glorious country you reside in where celebrities and athletes aren't paid more than doctors/scientists
good job not even knowing how to reply correctly
whatever country you're in sure sounds like shit since you wont mention it and avoid the questions
WHAT GLORIOUS COUNTRY DO YOU RESIDE IN WHERE CELEBRITIES AND ATHLETES ARENT PAID MORE THAN DOCTORS / SCIENTISTS
And yet that debt means absolutely nothing since we control the global economy.
I know you're trolling since you can't be dense enough to think that America's debt actually means anything on the global stage
>As of Q1 2013 UK government debt amounted to £1,377 billion, or 88.1% of total GDP,
>Due to the Government's significant budget deficit, the national debt is increasing by approximately £107 billion per annum, or around £2 billion each week.
You know that when China decides to fuck the dollar up, of which they still have TONS thanks to US investments, America is screwed?
The US is fucked when China decides to stop theorie massive scale-trade with the US (the US imports more from China, not the other way around) and starts more seriously, which could happen since China's European investments have already excellerated at tier-1 speed. Get off your high horse already.
English isn't my mothertongue, so that's why things might be unclear
The US will never be fucked because we have the most corrupt and devious politicians in the world who will never let us NOT be the #1 player on the global stage
The fact we have enough nukes to destroy the world 100x over and a defense budget greater than the next 20 countries combined means they've kinda already planned for that shit
To add - you can see from the last recession that if the US goes down the rest of the world is coming along for the ride
Another country might be top dog after all the dust settles but the entire Earth will be starting at square one
Here's a thought. Dont' use drugs that are banned where you work and are easily detected for weeks after you use them, and you don't have to walk around with a friend's urine in a bottle.
protip, people are usually in this situation because they are interviewing for a NEW job
also these drugs are now legal in certain states despite the fact employers can still drug test for them
So you basically said the US can do nothing else but hope they can controll the world with their weapons, which would be absolutely useless since when they decide to nuke the shit out of Earth they won't have any trading partners left?
So, if you're applying for a 'new' job, don't partake for a couple of weeks. Its not rocket science. Buy a testkit from amazon, test your piss and make sure you're clean, then take your preemploy test.
that's what i did, i'm not op.
but it's not terribly hard to beat a piss test for weed so stopping for like 3-4 weeks can be a pain in the ass and not always feasible
plus it's the principle of it since employers dont give a fuck how many alcoholics they have working for them
i almost interned for annheuser busch a few years back and they HAIR TEST prospective employees, which is so fucking hypocritical and stupid it hurts
>product kills hundreds of people every damn day