[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
As a tard handler at an elementary school...
If images are not shown try to refresh the page. If you like this website, please disable any AdBlock software!
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 336
Thread images: 57
File: downs.jpg (22 KB, 370x293) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
22 KB, 370x293
As a tard handler at an elementary school for 5 years i have many fucked up stories.

but first heres a groud level view of retards
1) imagine being completely stoned on every drug all the time forever
that is a retard, that is how they operate
2) there is rarely a person inside of those derelict husks you see shambling around ( the exception is severe autism and the such bvut im talking about retardation not mental illness)
3)Kids with downssyndrome can be cool as fuck but mostly are just shiteating human shaped bacteria.

>be wrangling a small group of mid-functioning she-tards
>in computer lab
>im stoned as fuck and playing Shogo: mobile armor division on my laptop
>one of the she tards has an entire body length road rash scab from falling off her bike going downhill
>starts picking massive quarter inch think scabs off and eating them
>one of the normies freaks out and starts gaging, she runs out of computer lab
>she-tard screams and rips off a massive slab-scabn and starts bleeding everywhere
>"IM A VAMPIRE" starts wiping blood all over herself and trying to feed it to class mates
>kid starts screamsing "AIDS!"
>whole classroom is in chaos
>other tards hide under desks and start wailing
>kill baku
>put on latex anti- tard gloves (blue elbow hight kitchen gloves)
>tackle tard

ill post more if u want it,

also tard general.
File: mqdefault.jpg (11 KB, 320x180) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
11 KB, 320x180
go on.
do you ever show your tards punky, the cartoon about a potato girl?
>tard handler
more please this is gold.
Ever get a mini tard bitch to blow you?
More, pls.
You're not a faggot, OP.
Don't prove me wrong.
do you ever have to deal with their parents? are they in denial about the walking potatoes they've given birth to?

and how do they react when you suggest their little spuds should be fixed before they accidentally start having little potatoes of their own?
Oh pls OP fill us with moar

You need to kill yourself faggot.
Your a failed abortion.
Nobody will ever love you and i hope you slit your wrists.
Burn in hell.


there used to be this site www.tard-blog.com years and years ago. reminds me a lot of that
Other than your mom?
cont with more stories.

>1st day on the job
>assigned this massive fucking kid
>6'6" 270lbs at least
>fairly high functioning, can have a reasonable convo with him
>my job is simple, keep him calm, and help him with classwork
>he is in regualr classrooms, so i let my guard down,
> kid likes playing with pokemon cards in class
>try to get him to put them away and concentrate on his lesson,
>he has to wear special headphones that block out the classroom nosie or he goes nuts
>he rips them off and punches me in the chest knocks the wind out of me.
>grabs his pokemon card binder and starts wailing on the kid in front of him with it screaming about his chansey card being ruined.
>i get up and grab his arm
>he clocks me in the face and i get klnocked out
>when i come to its like a warzone
>desks everywhere
>other wranglers called in to neutralize threat
>they laugh at me
>notice jeannie has a bloody nose.
>just another day on the job.
kek this
Go on OP, this thread has the potential for much hilarity
I'd like to know this as well

Dude, OP is the tard handler, not the tard in the pic. relax
god damn the 12 year old edge
If you're going to be a fag at least be funny.

Yeah. No wonder you tricked her into sucking your dick, you're clever as fuck, who would ever think to say that? NO ONE!
the parents are either
1) just as retarded as thier kid
2) extremely tired looking, like they are ready to kill themselves

they are broken people usually and all they do is appologize for their kid.

the retarded parents are just as bad as you'd expect
Heaven, Bleachjob?

2nd. No i just don't like scumbags that fuck with ppl lmfao.

OP What's your skype?
Moralfag here, usually I'd be annoyed with this....
But this story was fuckin' hilarious.
no but i have been sexually assaulted by them on a weekly basis.

they have mad sex drives and will just fuck themselves all day everyday when they hit puberty, part of the job was making sure pants stayed up.
Not much to do. If my son was a retard I wouldn't know what to do besides deal with it and apologize to people he's fucked with.
This is why I can never be a potato wrangler.
I died at
>when I come to its like a warzone.


>he is in regualr classrooms

wat? do you mix tards and normal kids in the US?
what is that for?
>sexually assaulted by them
Elaborate plox. Or did you just mean they beat their respective meats?
I fully intend to have my wive abort our child if it has trisomy. Other than fast passes at theme parks, there are no benefits that I am able to see. Only shame, regret, and being an eternal baby sitter.
>op chose/or has to work with retarded people he hates
>op is the biggest retard
its a dumb anti exclusionary rule to prevent lawsuits

90% of them are contained in remedial learning classes, but even then they are with normal kid who just suck as math so its hard to keep them calm.
>no child left behind
Thanks George dubbaya
Adoption is a solid option. I wouldn't keep the fuck up. Plus I plan to get a vasectomy, and adopt if I ever want a kid, no need to risk a tardy
i chose it because $26/h is good hazard pay. though i was making $12.50 when i started.
my sister had some problems with anxiety.. she married a full-on aspie, and both her kids are tards. i only ever have to see them about once a month, so i sympathise with your plight, OP. spud farming is hard work.
File: 1405056628607.jpg (46 KB, 746x982) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
46 KB, 746x982
do you still feel good abt yr job & feel like yr being a good human being?
I Wanna give you alot of money
tell me ur skype plez or email
If I had a retarded child I would hope it kills itself on accident somehow.
Pretty much the same people.
Do people with Down's syndrome know they are tards? Are they aware of their disability?
File: 1374962392653.jpg (94 KB, 500x366) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
94 KB, 500x366
This OP is the biggest faggot I've seen since that kid who made "Coldsteel the Hedgehog"

srsly wtf?
its alsways said that your educational system is fucked up, but that...
thats just incredibly stupid...

why would anyone want that? what benefits are there supposed to be?

you really mix stupid kids with potatoes?

no trolling, just curious
Funny, your parents hoped the same thing.
>passes rope
Basically, can they detect irregularities in their chromosomes in the womb?

Do they take in tards?
I would want to toss it straight off of Mt Olympus into a fiery chasm but I doubt any woman I would be with would share that sentiment simply because of muh maternal instincts
Political correctness.
They're not 'retards', they're just special in their own ways.
Lel ur sister's a downs fucker.
the she-tards once they get in highschool are like fat horny fucking machines, they will grab at your pants and try to be sexy at you in the most horrifying ways.
>she-tard corners me
>grabs my crotch
>i grab her arms and turn her around to get her away
>she screams "YESS HURT ME"
>everyone looks
at least once a week i have to deal with this shit.

its super bad when they are higher functioning weeaboo she-tards, the ones who wear komonos and shit.
Yes. Very much so. Also a majority are able to take care of themselves when they reach adulthood.

Down syndrome and retardation are not the same thing by the way.
Being a paraprofeasional is rough.
Sounds like you'd be in there with them if you lived here buddy
dude maybe you should kill yourself you are bitching on /b/ seriously shut the fuck up you week as troll nigger bitch.
Go back to tumblr faget
you would be suprised
yeah again some kids are kick ass
theres a few that i "baby sit" who are in their mid 20's, we play videogames all fucking day, then go to walgreens and i chuckle as they harass the employees with questions about yogurt and calculators. good kids!
>>6'6" 270lbs at least
>prone to violence
>in a regular classroom
Oh yeah, you're actually able to drop off your baby at fire departments no questions asked, safe drop off zone
did i hurt you're feelings faggot?
most downies are cool kids, they know they have problems and are like being completely stoned all the time. one of my regular kids and i just play n64 all day when im at his house while his mom works.
File: Aang Smile.jpg (14 KB, 224x224) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Aang Smile.jpg
14 KB, 224x224
>troll nigger bitch
That's your response to him?

Either your are 12, or he hit a bullseye.
Possibly both.
Underage b&. Go back to reddit. And quit trying to be edgy
>you're feelings
No no, you just have horrid grammar.
Mostly parents don't want to completely admit that their child is different. No child left behind is a blanket system. It didn't take tards into account because common sense would tell you dumb kids =\= tards.

Anyways. No child left behind is to keep the education system at a pace. Can't slow down for dipshits. Can't speed up for smart kids. Once you reach highschool you have class selections (AP calculus) that fix the issue a bit, but the damage is already being done before they reach that level and the results are being seen as well.

Not even going into the fuckes financing system of how they allot money to schools based on testing (hint, better scoring schools receive less money)
Dude, how do you not fuck a retard that graduates? That's a fucking story right there, you could make her do all kinds of crazy shit.

True, I guess they'd just eventually have to quarantine the tard when they found out.
They tried dropping off a tard once though and the firefighters wouldn't take it. His name was Taco.
File: 988-2.jpg (12 KB, 400x250) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
12 KB, 400x250
keep on keepin then bruh...its a check..
that sounds lovely. I would put up with tard wrangling for moments like that.
So, elementary school... how old are they? I'm not American.
Are you a teacher, training to become a teacher, or something else?
Nah he's just a 14 year old who thinks he's cool because he's on /b/.
>I'm assuming you were addressing OP
Tard ranglers are a job in itself. I remember them, from elementary to high school, always felt so sorry for them
They sorry for you.
>pic related, it's you
I knew some high functioning tards when I was in the military. The government hires the ones that can handle doing physical labor and employs them to do really basic stuff like sweeping floors and window washing.

They were good guys, and I think it's a good program, keep them gainfully employed and let them EARN their money and their dignity.
School districts are different. How the fuck am I supposed to know what his official ob title is?
Why do you have that saved?.. :/
oh shit nigga, where her spine at..
its not even 8 am where i live, dont be so ignorant, not everyone has english as their first language

also, OP more stories
You must be new here.
Being a potato wrangler can honestly be the easiest job ever if you just fucking put em on a leash
op here
comptuer retstarted not sure if same ID

will cont momentarily
Yeah but to share it so willingly outside of a porn thread. And he must want to fuck the guy he is fapping to
So the niggers don't feel stupid all the time.
You good nigga, tell us some more stories, what's the worst thing that ever happened?
File: 1396796058257.jpg (54 KB, 800x533) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
54 KB, 800x533
god I love tard stories
According the story it's from they removed it so she could be a living cocksleeve, like the OP of this thread.
glorious trips
someone should link the story for... research
bumping for interest
>shogo, mah nigga
same ID
>watching Matt (downs) and two hulks
>hulks get into fight over different grunting noises
>Matt has confused look on his face shrugs and continues coloring his batman book
>one of the hulks body slams the other on the table matt is working on
>im trying to get the situation under control
>they ruin matts drawing
>he yells his name "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT"
>rips off his shirt and starts indiana johns whipping the hulks in their faces with it
>i pin one he pins the other and he is bright red and making this "SQUEEE" noise
>he whispers extremely loud "you killed batman, now i kill you"
>all hell breaks loose as hulk gains upper hand
>other wranglers called in
>Matt saved me twice
I love reading this but i may throw in some of my own stories from the tard point of view if anyone is intrested. I was diagnosed with high functioning autism when i was 11, I was very high functioning so by the time i was 18 I was a well adjusted adult but it took me till i was at least 14 to un tard myself. I really was a cringy fuck, i pissed myself plenty of times, cried like a bitch over slight things and did the whole tard scream and shit
Did you seriously type >passes rope like this is a fucking chatroom? Might wanna hang on to that rope buddy.
>be me
>3rd grade-ish
>be in cub scouts(shut the fuck up, I was a kid)
>the scout master or whatever had three retarded kids. We also had a bonus downy, who was not related to that cunt and who was a total bro
>it was like her vagina was cursed by a witch to spawn tards
>other kids stay away from them
>I think they're funny as shit
>let's call them moe, Curley, and Larry
>play monopoly
>monopoly with retarded people is great
>one of them lands on a place where I had a house
>tard is very sad
>buy homes on all other green places
>tard trap complete
>within ten minutes, they're livid
>monopoly board goes flying
>moe calls me a pee pee head
>leave to hang out with downy bro
>there was always soda at these events
>thank you, fatass cub leader
>have to pee
>go to bathroom
>moe is there with his dick out
>"you shubna made me loose my mobbey"
>narrowly avoid piss stream
>leave bathroom

This was not the last time they tried peeing on me... will post more
more, for the love of god MORE!
Idk why but this is the funniest shit to read.
What is the funniest experience yet?
How are you now? Does your autism ever come up in your daily life? Get in the way? Make you really fucking good at minecraft/terraria?
>rips off his shirt and starts indiana johns whipping the hulks in their faces with it
>Indiana Johns whipping
>Indiana FUCKING Johns
>high functioning weeaboo she-tard
I would love to have an aspie girl just like this.
>Make you really fucking good at minecraft/terraria?
the used to be a tard at my highschool who was also a nigger and blind

have fun bra
File: 1396691068429.gif (476 KB, 270x314) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
476 KB, 270x314
> Be me, in 8th grade.
> Go to shit ghetto public school
> live in shit ghetto city
> get told by shit ghetto school I no longer qualify to ride the bus.
> 2 mile walk to school
> not really a problem, where it not for the fact that I have to walk through 3 different gang infested spots to get to school.
> bus stop "moved" a block away from house
> tards running the school let me know I could ride the "little bus"
> confirm there is no god and if there is, it is a sick maniacal fuck who gets kicks out of watching fat pussy fuckers like myself be fucked with from every possible aspect in life.
> accept riding little bus
> lady gives me the jist of the rules
> bus looks like the bar scene from starwars
> sit next to the mike tyson of the tard world
> shit you not his name was Ricardo (still makes me fucking kek everytime.
> things cool the first couple of days
> riding one day, Ricardo slowly turns to me and does a sudden freak out scream out of nowhere (think of that scene from the goonies where chunk gives slaugh a babyruth)
> proceeds to beat tne living fuck out of me while the other "mistakes" cheer and chimpout
> I get removed from bus and can no longer ride
> principles tells me I can no longer ride tard mobile because I "must have done something to provoke the young man"
And they wander why kids shoot up schools.
Get the fuck off /b/
worst thing
>on bus with massive kid from my first story
>in the front, kid is in the "neat seat" a smaller half seat for special kids
>im on the other front seat
>he is passed the fuck out as were on out way home from a field trip to the coast (where he pants around his ankles pissed all over the bathroom and several students)
>hes asleep and im falling asleep
>kids behind him are playing pod racer on gameboy color
>the volume is pretty loud
>sebulba screaming something
>tard wakes up
>in the blink of an eye he is turned around and screaming at them
>bus driver is starled
>he grabs the gameboy and throws it behind him and into the bus drivers head
>driver swerves and goes into ditch
>kids everywhere
>tard going nuts like a skyrim troll
>have to pin him under one of the bus seats and then explain to medical personell that he needs to be restrained.
worst thing i can think of because of the danger?
>"you killed batman, now i kill you"
File: kasey.jpg (264 KB, 875x1200) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
264 KB, 875x1200
Why did you tard scream?

Also, posting images of other tard stories
No one cares let op tell stories not your shitty ones faggot
I once had an experience where a tard physically knocked me down in the street in brought daylight and started violently pulling my hair.
His mother and aunt ( or a friend ) started pulling him off, apologizing and saying he's 'special and can't help it, because he likes long hair'.
Was he strong as a goddamned ape?
Not OP, but I got a story.
>Be me, around 16. White, 5`11, 300, play as Guard on the football team, throw shotput and discus. Basically strongfat.
>Sitting in biology class, learning about how nature is important and how we should take care of it. Every time teacher talks about how we should feel bad I say "Eh, who cares?"
>Tard behind me fucking loves nature, but being a tard and an "environmentalist" every-fucking-thing she says is completely false. Anyway she's being butthurt because of what I've been saying in the class. Calls me soulless in front of the teacher. Big whoop, I've been called worst.
>Fast forward a week and a half, present my project. Project was about endangered animals, I got the Right Whale. Project starts.
File: 1402123223360.png (107 KB, 230x199) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
107 KB, 230x199
>spud farming
this is why i shaved my head btw.
I'm not good at anything, all that shit about autists having some secret talent is rare or i've not discovered it yet. I pretty much act like everyone else but no eye contact and bad conversation, also shake when im nervous. I look normal and attractive so people just assume I'm shy, a pretty good sex life, unemployed but I have worked. I dont go out much because social situations are stressful but i go out to bars or clubs maybe once a month
Are you gay or a pedophile?
File: 1402635362626.jpg (24 KB, 419x346) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
24 KB, 419x346
why not both?
If i didn't know how to deal with the situation I'd cry, piss myself and scream, as you could imagine i got the shit kicked out of me in school for acting that way. No protection from teachers they just assumed i was a trouble maker
That doesn't sound too bad, considering. Is it a product of you actively trying to work past it or does that just happen as autists get older?
I mean, I've hard about tard screaming a lot and never understood why they did it. Any insight?
though this would be a good addition to the thread
I was about to post this.
Not sure. In my 8th grade year we had this tard named Dustin he would shout out random words for no reason. He would then laugh and bounce up and down on his toes. He was a funny little guy who we would train to say all sorts of things to other classmates.
File: 31ca3d_3791922.jpg (75 KB, 860x528) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
75 KB, 860x528
my bad its all blurry and shit
It differs slightly around the nation, but typically:
>Elementary is Kindergarten to Fifth Grade
>Middle School is Sixth to Eighth Grade
>High School is Ninth to Twelve Grade
And the optional higher schooling at a college.

Top kek

sebulba. my sides
My mind didn;t comprehend the situation, it's like everything just breaks and it feels so intense that you just have to do something no matter how embarrassing it is. So i would scream, cry or piss myself. Now you may say 'well any child would' but this went on till i was at least 14 and i still had odd moments of it at 16
Tards in a nutshell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ3wcNJQ2Dc
What is this an ant for pictures
Kid was shaped like mike tyson, a muscle bound retard. Oh and I forgot to mention the bus driver lady gave me an orange whistle, which really helped as i felt my sternum touching my spine.
funnest i can think of
>out shopping with my bro-tards
>each one has a small plastic ziplock baggie with a few bucks worth of coins they saved up so they can buy stuff
>brotard #1: steve he collects calculators and is very srs about it
>brotard #2 nick he is just your average "stoned" 20 year old (not drugs just downs)
>brotard #3 brian, very serious autism, hes a good kid but just spaced out 90% of the time and will randomly have a breakdowna nd need to go hide somewhere

>take them to walgreens (my fave place)
>we're regulars
>one guy named mark, works in photo, reall cool guy, knows all their names and shit
>brian like minecraft and will not stfu about it (autists like that game a lot)
>mark is just going along with it whensteve interupts and asks if they have the ti-83+ in stock
>Mark leavs to do a stock check and brian just shuts down, climbs under a display and starts humming,
>nick is just chilling listing to his FM radio
>im trying to get brian out
>mark comes back with the calculator but nick doesnt have enough maoney to buy it.
>nick starts sadding
>Mark buys them each a nerd rope, and they fucking loves those things
>all thre then go to manager and demand that mark get promoted
hard to think of a particular day, this was recent tho
moar please
>work in hospital
>walking to pediatric sterile processing
>have to pass by all the children's clinics
>lone downy kid standing by himself
>no one else around
>We eyeball each other as I pass
>I get around the corner and hear his high pitched cackle followed by mouth farts.
I have an autist/aspie brother who worked his way to pretty well functional. He said the screaming or in his cause loud roar is an attempt to communicate that gets short-circuited before it gets out. So the sentiment is there but instead of saying "knock it off" or "my feelings are hurt" it comes out RRRRAAAAAGGGH.

Thats the best I can explain it
>be in 8th grade
>school puts some retards in regular classes
>have kid in my social studies class
>kid has a hot tard monitor
>seriously like 10/10
>tard starts pulling at monitors shirt
>tard rips up monitors shirt
>no bra
>monitor runs out
>tard cries
Needless to say the tard was never integrated into normal classes again.
So, 14-15'ish? I'd be annoyed at being molested by tards that age since it would make me a pedo if I reciprocated.
File: John the werewolf.jpg (344 KB, 1498x2669) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
John the werewolf.jpg
344 KB, 1498x2669
Thanks man
Yes that is exactly it, i just screamed and shit followed by cry and hiding
I'm a nigga myself and damn this had my sides in orbit.

I'm an educated nigga so I do look down on my inferior niggers while getting my dick sucked by the daughters of superior white men.
File: 107-2.png (260 KB, 500x568) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
260 KB, 500x568
so i was in 10th grade, worked out, played football, pretty big guy, but i was literally terrified of the retarded kid in our class

>first day of school
>get in to class moderately early, liked getting the god-tier seats instead of having to take the shittiest seat and be the last person in
>sat in corner of room, bro friend was already there
>class starts filling up a bit
>fire, brimstone, fear, and a little bit of wet shit permeated through the air
>most disturbing tard i've ever seen wheels in sluggishly
>patchy facial hair, missing teeth, curled up in his tardmobile
>unnatural, primordial sense of dread hits me in the gut like mike tyson
>friend more scared by my reaction than the tard's visage
>tards assistant talks to teacher about something, teacher peers around class and points back to where im sitting
>apparently my seat was easy access to the tard so that way they wouldn't have to move desks around for him to fit
>tard wheels back towards me, his cloudy, empty eyes locked with mine
>feel like a caged animal
>he rides up next to me, class gets going
>what happened next marked me as not only an asshole in that class, but a coward
>tard braces its little emancipated arms on its scooter's armrests
>stretches up, cranes out his next
>lets out a banshee screech
>i was already trying not to look at him
>snap my view towards him, catching sight of him and his shriek made me lose it
>fight or flight mode
>try and run, trip on friends desk, leap over it and fall onto girls desk
>get sent to principal's office
This man is /x/ incarnate.
>Night before I remembered what that bitch said to me, not sure if I mentioned this but bitch is squeamish as fuck, anyway I replaced every picture with a dead whale.
>I mean every picture.
>Even gave some animations, made then come into view, fly out, I even spent an hour making three ships go after a whale and added sounds.
>It was glorious.
>First side: The Right Whale. The right whale for you and me. After I click two dead whales pop up next to my name. Bitch is already sick.
>It gets to the point where she literally has to leave. I wait her return by going into detail about the current slide.
>Turns out she threw up not once, but twice. And in between throws she shat herself.
>That was Julia, the retard bitch.
I got more, if people want to hear it.
File: hairygrotter.jpg (198 KB, 750x574) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
198 KB, 750x574
>maybe a month after
>promised camping trip is upon us
>camping was the only reason I joined and we barely ever camped
>go to this thing
>it's at the cub leader's house
>I should have known
>The tards are there and Downey never shows
>dad leaves
>I am alone with this family of tards and a couple other stinky kids
>set up tent in backyard
>"no, anon, not there. Curley wants that spot"
>"anon, sorry. Larry called that spot"
>"actually, Moe wants that spot"
>set up tent somewhere else
>move it to moe's desired spot when nobody is looking
>revenge for trying to piss on me
>we do various retarded activities
>we are all sent to bed at 8:00
>what the fuck
>we don't even get a campfire
>shitstorm over my tent placement ensues
>tard master tells moe to calm down
>they set their tents up
>know that Moe wants revenge
>tie tent zipper
>thank you, cub scouts. Knot tying does save you
>wait for attack
>darkness falls and the tard attacks
>hear tent zipper
>no idea what he'll do
(Part 1)
I have this friend (let's call him D) so D and I go to a private school (long story) and he has some form of retardation I have no fucking Idea what it is but his whole life is centered around hip hop dancing and Michael Jackson (D is black btw) D is fully aware of what he says and he purposly tries to make me laugh everyday. Its fucking awesome. One day I was working in class and he looks over at me out of random and says "I want to get drunk with E.T. and spoon with him." LOL Alright D... Whenever we have substitutes at school he calls them prostitutes to their face.. He randomly makes faces at other students when their not looking. I have plenty of stories... Cont?
Yards generally aren't the correct age for the grade they are in. Like a normal freshmen is around 14. The rad freshmen is probably 17-18
File: doonechano.jpg (17 KB, 340x425) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
17 KB, 340x425
Does anybody else really tire of the extreme, self-righteous bias most people with retards in their family have when it comes to this subject?

Just because you love your own potatokin doesn't mean the rest of us have to. To us you basically have a man shaped, slobbering goldfish that wanders around breaking glass, staring at people, and getting ketchup stains on everything he touches.

I get that if somebody fucks with the ".5" in your family you're going to take offense because you care about them, but the rest of us have no emotional incentive to act like retards aren't a complete fucking burden. Frankly, it's selfish of you to expect them to.
>hear him muttering about throwing a cinder block at my tent
>oh my god he's trying to kill me
>he can't pick it up
>hear him drawing closer
>zipper moves
>knot holds
>he gets mad
>hear fumbling
>jet of piss hits side of tent
>can't hold laughter
>moe gets mad and unleashes a mighty roar
>Jumps on tent and makes it collapse
>hitting me, missing half the time
>cub leader comes out to investigate noise
>sees this
>tells moe to stop it
>tell her to call my dad for evac
>"oh, stay. It's moe being moe"
>demand to leave
>don't leave tent. Not sure if I'll get pissed on
>dad arrives
>leave piss-covered tent in that cunt's yard
>resign from cub scouts immediately
>assigned weeaboo shetard
>extremely obese and trying to tard talk in japanese
>uses chopsticks all the time
>shes getting super frusterated while eating baby carrots with her copsticks because she fucking sucks with them
>try to switch them out for a spork
>bad idea
>suddenly spork in arm
>curse loudly
>she screams "BAKA"
>starts slapping me in the face

that girl was crazy, also if you looked her in the eye and said "chickenwing" she would lose her fucking mind, some of the kids knew this and would egg her on. also she smelled of dead fish constantly.
Glad I could help a bit /b/ro's.... I guess i'll share.
>mfw my son...my pride and joy is two and doesn't talk at all, has breakdowns, zones out, roars when upset, and no matter how much effort I make in trying to help him is showing textbook signs of autism.

Breaks my heart...not cause i'm embarrassed but because if I could trade it to me, save him from the hardships that I know he'll go through, you bet your ass i'd gladly go through life as a hardcore cringemaster instead of him.

What happened?
can we hear about some high functioning weeaboo shetards if you have more stories of them?
it almost feels like some time they are trying to just own up to the fact they have a retard and pull damage control for it, families can say whatever, but just under the surface they would kill their tard kids or turn them into regular people if they had the chance

retards are just a blight, there is a reason why other animals leave those things to die, humans are just to advanced in terms of civic ideals and social constructs to not be pussies
>you killed bat man, now I kill you.
op here
i have a 6 year old that didnt talk at all untill he was 4, he showed signs too and i was depressed as hell because its my job and now my son has it
suddenly his tutor calls me saying hes talking

>go pick him up, my fucking son is goddamn talking up a shitstorm
>suddenly can do 5th grade math
>suddenly can read
>suddenly is a kid and not makign me depressed
>comes in my room today
>hands me a book he wrotye/drew (hes 6 so its 6year old quality)
>its a story about him being trapped in his body untill i rescued him
keep the faith bro, also getting a professional to help is a good idea. proper nuturing can break that shell before it destroys them.
Know what? I don't care if there's Jews or Niggers in the world in a hundred years. I just hope there's no retards.
File: burns lols.gif (2 MB, 176x144) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
burns lols.gif
2 MB, 176x144
File: 1403757548525.jpg (33 KB, 513x480) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
33 KB, 513x480
> be me, first grade
> reading time, all the kids are on the carpet
> everyone in that class is chill as fuck as we read some Go Dog Go.
> door suddenly opens.
> The retard, Jacob Snowman ( not even shitting with you, thats his name.) Burst in the classroom.
> everyone including the teacher had that notthisshitagain look on their face
> "its on the desk, jacob."
> Jacob runs across the classroom on all fours
> puts on the lion mask and makes some wierd retard sounds.
> " jacob please sit on the carpet like everyone else"
> again walks on all fours and plops down right next to me
> Teacher continues reading while jacob licks himself, I guess trying to act like he is a lion.
> midway through the story jacob lets out a roar
> teacher just keeps on reading, is totally done with his shit.
> yells again, but faces me and bites my shoulder.
> scream and try to get him off me but his iron jaws are ironically, like a lion's.
> teacher just stares in horror, making eye contact with me
> all the kids run to the back of the classroom as his tard wrangler comes to save me.
> pulls him of me, ripping a part of my shirt.
> she puts him in a sleeper hold as he squirms around in her arms.
> Trys to roar like a lion more, but the amount so saliva in his mouth makes him choke and gargle.
> hear his echos, as he is pulled out the classroom down the hall

This kid has haunted me untill the seventh grade, And I hated tards ever since this moment.
mate the cringemaster stuff doesn't last for all of them, i got lucky. If your son grows up to be attractive and dresses like everyone else then odds are he'll be fine
I am way to high for you to be typing stuff like that
>6th grade
>life was on the upswing after leaving cub scouts. Had various problems with them, but nothing too serious
>hanging around with classmates one day
>kid with bad mouth teaches us the word she learned
>blowing: noun. To perform the act of sucking a man's pee pee
>tell her that she should demonstrate
>everyone laughs
>good times
>they didn't know how serious I was
>later on, walking around
>see Curley
>oh god
>"hey, anon, my mom says you can join again. She'll even give you a promotion to Webelo (sounds like 'we blow')
>laugh ass off
>did not know that this was an olive branch
>the war has barely begun
you should kill yourself then
my sides, thank you anon
Eh, doesn't matter I didn't talk until I was probably like 7. I wasn't retarded, I just hated everyone and everything at a young age. I remember at that age people trying to get me to talk, and the thoughts in my mind were : "fuck you I hope you die painfully and burn in hell"

I've had it up to here with /b/ matter of fact the whole board period. You guys ruin people lives, are fucking racist to the extreme, betas, fucking trap lovers, circlejerking, pedos and most of all assholes. I can't believe I spent 3 years on this board, just watching you faggot ass losers being pathetic, little maggots behind a keyboard typing edgy shit up. It's people like you that gives the internet a bad reputation and perspective. Why don't you all just go die, fucking end your life you faggot ass loser. DIE
Jesus Christ man.... not supposed to cry here. Fuck this was supposed to be a funny thread. But ever since we started the process to get my son evaluated to see if he can get therapy its been... fuck dude just hearing someone say keep the faith, that there's still hope has me in tears.

>fuck you for making me cry OP...you glorious magnificent /b/ro.
>group of weeaboo tards
>all drawing animes
>high funtioning (meaning they actually take course work)
>supposed to be quiet study time
>discussing their exactly like evangelion only completely retarded story
>drawing bad pictures of boys with katanas and belts everywhere (squaresoft.jpg)
>tell them to be quiet and study
>the guy (hamplanet) stands up and tells me that im an asshole and that i dont understand
>she-tards join in
>one says something in tard-japanese
>the hamplanet kid calls her retarded (lol)
>they start doing kung-fu
>yelling out the names of their attacks? (SUPER DRAGON SLAP)
>i thought it was just a game untill he clocked her in the mouth
>im in shock, hes beating the shit out of her an yelling out his moves ( EXTREME MOON ELBOW
>have to seperate them
>ham planet is pure fat and very hard to get a hold of as its like trying to hold onto wet jello
>get kicked in the balls
>hes looming over me
>elbow drops me

dear lord...
File: 1370553385242.png (340 KB, 550x700) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
340 KB, 550x700
> scream and try to get him off me but his iron jaws are ironically, like a lion's
>but his iron jaws are ironically, like a lion's
>ironically, like a lion's
>mfw you are the real tard here
lol have u read the thread?
File: download (1).jpg (12 KB, 231x218) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
download (1).jpg
12 KB, 231x218
I applaud you.
>other wranglers called in to neutralize threat

top fuckin kek
Fuck you sand nigger. /b/ is place where truth comes out of the people
My sides
File: image.jpg (25 KB, 320x180) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
25 KB, 320x180

How strong is an average retard?
hah I had a mate work in a tard home with total care kids. Common occurance to see a nekkid tard with massive erect penis dragging tard girl for sexy time into the showers. When this happened for the handlers it was all hands on deck to get the girl out of there. Can confirm Potatoes have massive sex drive and strong as fuck.
Ha a nigger is a term for a black piece of shit in my book. I call white pieces of shit everything else.
lurk more newfriends
You sound like a cunt. Continue anyway.
Holy shit this is gold.
Can some faggot screencap these and send them to me?
average? everyone is very strong. even you. imagine not having any restraint and thrashing around with every bit of force you can muster

and then there are the big guys who are on par with a full sized bear, ive been smashed into walls.
File: 1362297415727.jpg (64 KB, 400x326) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
64 KB, 400x326
>like trying to hold onto wet jello
>This is for world war two

My sides, why have they forsaken me
What, you can't fucking screencap?
fucking phone shit...

Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet. Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag? Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.
I got a tard story of a tard named Wolf Josh

>Wolf Josh was 6 foot tall, 300 pounder, a heavy set mother fucker with a full beard and shaggy ass hair/
>Heavily into anime, he would nigga run and all sorts of shit.
>Always wore wolf shirts.
>One day, Wolf Josh catches me and my pals hanging out in the park, (This was in middleschool)
>My friends, Brandon and Oscar are fucking trolls.
>Wolf Josh tells us about his new discovery, and his ability to use magic.
>He is a Wiccan, and decides to show us by changing the color of his eyes.
> "Nothing happened, Josh"
>"I changed them, they are a lighter shade of brown"
>"Okay Josh"
>He pulls out a print-out sheet of different wolves and forces us to sit down and let him determine which wolves we are.
>"Anon, You're this wolf, Okay?"
>"I feel like I'm more that wolf though."
>I smirk and I nod.
>He tells us later that he will return after his meditation and we decide to dip before that
File: image.jpg (34 KB, 320x239) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
34 KB, 320x239
>Calls you a faggot
>can't screen cap
>still expects you to do it for him
Does anyone have the story about the level 3 retard? It's about a dude who gives "XP" to his retard friend.
File: 1388511167552.jpg (24 KB, 317x330) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
24 KB, 317x330
>I wanna give you a lot of money
Really? gtfo fag
Your friends fucked trolls? What kind? That sounds like a way better story than what you posted!
>a few days after
>asked to run attendance to office
>do not notice three bogeys on my six
>"hey, anon" they call
>I turn around
>all three of them are standing there with their dicks out
>scream (a lot louder than a should have) and head for the nearest door
>class in session
>kids are laughing
>teacher is mad because I screamed
>hysterically explain situation
>see pool of urine seep under door
>they were pissing under the door
>terrifying to me because of the past experiences. It was like a T-1000 seeping under the door menacingly
>everyone is laughing
>tards sent home
>that became the Day Anon Was Shot despite the fact that not a drop of urine hit me
>the thing was to ask where you were when I was shot by piss
>so unhappy
>try to play sympathy card on girl to demonstrate a blowjob later on
>didn't work
>worked in high school like a charm
Strongfat here, Julia the retard was in my history class too.
>Same day as Right Whale fiasco.
>Tard has been cleaned up and given fresh clothes.
>History teacher is a bro a let us play a jeopardy game before a test.
>Every row of seats if one group, about five kids in a group and about six groups.
>My turn and I'm facing the retard and other kids in History Jeopardy.
>Tard picks a question, slam my hand down on the "buzzer" with the force of a thousands suns. Apparently tard "hit" at the same time as me, so we're forced to go against each other.
>I forget the question, but tard gets half the points if I can't answer the question.
>I have this wierd thing when I can remember certain stuff clear as day. The question`s answer was that. Not going to type the answer but I said everything the book said word for word.
>Teacher is stunned. Tard loses it, calls me soulless again.
>I'm prepared for it this time bitch. "Julia, you need to stop saying that. I have soles, look!" I then proceed to point at my shoes.
>Bitch cries and leaves class. Trips on her own feet and faceplants.
>Mfw I messed with a retard.
>Mfw I have no face.
anywhere between 4 and 20 potatoes
cringed. 10/10
File: 1404630476056.jpg (49 KB, 479x435) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
49 KB, 479x435
>thinks he is smart because he pointed out a misspelled word.
> mfw it's spelled correctly
File: 1242874842.jpg (26 KB, 480x301) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
26 KB, 480x301
>friends fucking trlls when josh walks over
mfw this thread. like finding $20 in some pocket you forgot about
File: 1396137010339.png (498 KB, 1600x1523) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
498 KB, 1600x1523
>mfw you don't realize that he was making fun of the misuse of the word, not saying it was misspelled
Bro, my kid's an aspie. He's fucking awesome, driest sense of humour, frighteningly astute, got moved up a year in school. Kicks my ass in video games

>inb4 filthly casual

What turns them into shits is parents who don't bother getting them help, being in denial and using it as an excuse for bad behaviour/lazy parenting.
Do you even English?
story seems fake seeing the cum pizza story this guy wasnt there for so how would he know what happened. also sound too unreal to be true
File: image.jpg (28 KB, 277x360) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
28 KB, 277x360
Are you telling me that
It's a trap
Lol I get it. I'll explain. Oscar did fuck a girl once that actually ended up giving him something that turned his dick into a slight shade of green.

I'll get into the meat of the story though

>Wolf Josh encounters the Brandon and Oscar one day.
>I'm not there to tell them not to fuck with him
>Brandon and Oscar surround Josh and begin chanting, "WE ARE MIMBITZU, WE ARE THE GAY DEMONS."
>Brandon holds out his hand towards Josh, "I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL AND FUCK IT IN HELL."
>Wolf Josh spergs out, and begins screaming, they told me, he was casting fireballs at them.

>Later, I hear a heavy pounding at my door.
>I open it and see that Wolf Josh is there holding a pair of sharp scissors.
>He explains to me how urgent it was that he finds Mimbutzu and kill them.
>He wants to kill my friends.
>I tell him I will join him, I ask him to patiently wait as he fidgets, looking like a giant turd is about to come out his pants, he speaks starts speaking in a monotone voice because his soul was taken from him

Hahaha omfg cont.
moar for the love of god
>thinks he is smart because he pointed out a misspelled word.
The way you used the word 'ironically' was incorrect, nigger.
>Does anybody else really tire of the extreme, self-righteous bias most people with retards in their family have when it comes to this subject?

My families with potato just want you to stop fucking with them. Because when you fuck with a potato kid, then they come home and act like spastic shits.

Tumblr faggot. Coldsteel is the only meme you know. GTFO
top fucking kek
>Shogo: mobile armor division on my laptop
Okay... phew... her...we....go:

>my brother and I
>me 14, him 9
>I'm hard into MMA (this was right aroundwhen Dana bought UFC)
>Jogging at the park while he sits at a table reading a book about WWII
>As I jog by him he shouts stuff like "Hitler did noffun wong" or "Dm Nips wewe scwappy sonsabitches"
>Pissin myself at that last one
>Tard comes up and takes my bros book away a, I run hard back to him
>my brother stays calm (rare for him) till the tard rips the book apart
>heruuhh, herruuhh,heruhhh (that laugh makes me see red to this day)
>my brother turns to me and looses a battle roar fit for a Spartan
>tard sees this, lets his own roar loose and jumps him
>tard was way outside my brothers weight class and starts laying down the smack, hardcore
>I jump in and in the tangle of arms and legs get the tard in a Kimura
>tard wrangler is over a hundred yards away, pervin on a twelve year old, and sees battle
>calls police
>in the aftermath i'm thinkin my brother and I are gonna get booked
>turns out off duty firefighter was watching and takes umbrage at our treatment.
>mfw tard gets restricted to therapy center
>mfw he is fined to compensate for my brothers book
>sweet taste of justice when tard wrangler gets fined for negligence, false police report

My brother to this day says the tard was a closet Nazi and didn't want him to finish the book.
Yeah that's right summerfag, you heard me, SCREENCAP THIS MOFO!

I can only imagine

>Pants shitter starts tugging at belt
>I said no crayon eater
>Rock tosser digs hand into own crotch of pants
>Pulls out half decayed baby rabbit
>"I HAVE BABY" it garbles
Still got any good stories left in ya, OP?
File: image.jpg (67 KB, 539x340) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
67 KB, 539x340
Female tard monitors are either 10/10 or obese old women. There is no inbetween.
Please not that, anything but that.
File: image.jpg (5 KB, 125x108) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
5 KB, 125x108
>Closet Nazi
Not after elementary in most states. And we don't usually have handlers.

+1 year for every "grade" after that ending with grade 12 at age 18.
File: 1390612641132s.jpg (3 KB, 124x103) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
3 KB, 124x103
>Viking King of the retards

>Hurrdurr I have pussyitis

No, your parents didn't beat enough sense into you.
File: 1404659682954.png (95 KB, 232x198) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
95 KB, 232x198
>Falling for copypasta older than the queen's cooch
My fucking sides
>implying retards can pronounce cantaloupe

Were you, entrapped to some degree?
>I try to reason with Wolf Josh.
>"Dude, they are kidding, they aren't demons."
>"You are with the demons. You want to fuck my soul."
>I freak out, he has scissors in his hands and he would probably stab me too.
>I have to guide this tard using tard logic.
>"Those gay demons were my prisoners, I lost them but scissors won't hurt them leave them here, and I will get your soul back. "
> Wolf Josh doesn't trust me at all, "How can I trust you?"
>I give him my copy of Tony hawk Pro-Skater 3 for the Gamecube, he leaves the scissors at my house.
>He walks in slowly, it was a hot summer day, and he's sweating some serious butter. He reeks of shit, he must have seriously shat himself when they took his soul.
>I tell him to stay standing by the door because his soul leaves faster if he sits, I try and call my friends, No cellphones
>Oscar doesn't answer, Brandon does.
>Brandon is a big talker but he was a bitch so when I tell him what happens, he refuses to meet up to make it right.
>"Nah, Anon, fuck that, I ain't fucking with him no more"
>"Brandon's he is in my house, he smells like shit, I need you to find Oscar and I need you to meet me at the park to fix this."
>Meanwhile, I check back Wolf Josh and he's standing there staring at the ceiling, muttering some shit before I hear his call to the wild, "Arooo. Arooo. Arooo. Anon, I can't feel it anymore."
File: Retardstrong.png (91 KB, 520x650) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
91 KB, 520x650
A new sport... Tard Wrastlin'
fuck yeah that act almost ruined my life. I have a very mild form of aspergers, and I got transfered to this school called A.S.C.E.N.T. almostbdropped out of school because of it. schools principal was a psychologist! a MILF though.
>open house night (all the kids show off their projects and stuff)
>im in charge of 5 FIVE of the worst assholes
>parents are there, 3 of them have decent parents the other two do not...
>teacher begins her presentation of the class project, a big fish and each student was in charge of a scale
>the tard scales are just normal shapes
>normie girl boasts about how her scale looks the best
>tards get angry
>the bad parents do nothing to help me, and they also get in a shouting match with normies parents
>suddenly rhino mode
>tard just blasts through like 4 desks with adults in them and kocks down the giant fish
>teacher is in shock
>parents are screaming at eachother
>im on top of this writing mass of retarded muscle and its squeeing like a pig
>parent are trying to help with their son (cool parents)
>bad parents are calling one family niggers (cause they were black)
>retards yelling "NIQQUERS"
>rhinoswine gets loose and charges black family
>nails dad in gut

and thats how FES transfered all of its special needs students to EVC
>unfortunately, that was not the end
>taking to Where Were You jokes pretty hard
>life sucked
>valentine's day school dance
>surely the tards wouldn't be there
>I was wrong
>I went with a girl who thought I was funny
>dance is meh, I go grab us pizza
>come back
>two of them are trying to hit on her
>she thinks it's funny
>"Jean, run!"
>she didn't know the danger
>Moe comes up to me
>"Nah ah, anon. You go near her, you know what happens."
>were they threatening me?
>get mad
>threaten him
>vague threat I was too enraged to remember
>"I don't care if you try to piss on me tomorrow, but let me have one night of peace"
>got my wish
>felt like James Bond
>Moe tried peeing on me the next day as I left the bathroom...
If James Rodriguez had a down syndrome, that's how he would look
does he only say "hodor"?
File: swiggity swag.jpg (63 KB, 1280x720) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
swiggity swag.jpg
63 KB, 1280x720
>at my high school, there were two notorious femtards in my grade
>one was an extreme autist with no social capabilities whatsoever
>other was an annoying fatbitchcunt who was just plain retarded
>be me in 10th grade
>this day we had a clueless substitute teacher
> the autist decides to sit in the fatbitchcunt's seat
>fatbitchcunt goes on a tard rant and tries to tell on her
>they end up having a shouting match, everyone else in the room is laughing uncontrollably
>autist lunges at fatbitchcunt, catfight about to ensue when the substitute teacher yells at them both to shut up
>fatbitchcunt breaks down, starts crying, and runs out of the room
>everyone, including the substitute teacher, start to laugh harder than ever, this goes on for at least 5 minutes
>Fatbitchcunt finally returns, sits at the opposite corner of the classroom
>neither tard says a single damn thing the rest of the day

Holy shit, i have hundreds of stories about these two, they made everyone want to kill themselves during every damn classperiod
Those are furries.
Please elaborate.
Let's hear it
>"IM A VAMPIRE" starts wiping blood all over herself and trying to feed it to class mates
oh god I almost pissed myself
>I start walking out with Wolf Josh.
>He asks me if I dabbled in Wiccan magic shit before. "You can stop those demons, Anon. I will help."
>I tell him not to worry, he starts to get into animu mindset.
>Wolf Josh, Gay Demon Slaying Herotard.
>"I heard of Mimibutzu before in these ancient texts I read, I can't believe I encountered him, maybe I lured him with my strong spirit, but if I lose my soul I cannot stay in this form."
>"What, Josh?"
>"My soul is the only thing keeping me from my wolf side coming out."
>I realize what he means, as he begins to snarl and snap his jaws
>Fuck my life.
My bro's an aspie aswell as an autist. Nigga goes from chill to batshit crazy. He's always fucking yelling without noticing.
You familiar with Tard Blog OP?
you're a faggot prolly gunna skype geoip tag him and threaten him oo what a badass middleschooler
>>5nope. googling now
File: 1404992932220.jpg (9 KB, 244x207) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
9 KB, 244x207
> skyrim troll
Know that feel
bamp more stories OP
>First day of school sophomore year
>Fatbitchcunt attended the previous year, everyone was used to her by then
>Femautist was a new student
>First class i have with her is biology
>Whenever the teacher asks questions, she shoots her hand up fast as possible
>She can barely even whisper when answering, tells everyone she has "stagefright"
>Last classperiod of the day is also with her
>Instead of being a shy autist, she had somehow transformed into one of those screaming autists who will never stfu
>whenever someone else says a word, she yells 'SHUT UP IM TALKING'
>she always interrupted everyone, never let anyone else speak their mind
>At one point during that class, she goes on a rant about how she said hi to a cute boy that she "really liked", when it's the FIRST DAY AT THAT SCHOOL IN HER ENTIRE LIFE
>Everyone is about to kill themselves by the end of that period, we all look at each other like "we're gonna have to put up with a whole year of this shit"
>spend rest of 6th grade and a bit of 7th plotting my revenge
>Jean and I broke up because I was being a cock (which tends to happen from time to time)
>Tards laugh about it
>almost get mad
>laugh about them being retarded
>they get mad
>won that battle with no piss attack
>Halloween day
>nobody but the tards can dress up
>they're all wearing spiderman outfits
>tell them Spider-Man is a shitty superhero and batman could kick Spider-man's ass
>laugh as they try to find zippers for their costumes to pee on me
>one pisses pants prematurely
>launch pad detonation
>laugh so hard it hurts
>they end up moving after Christmas
I didn't see them again until 11th grade
blame liberals
Strongfat, got a few more left in me.
>Be me, little kid now about 10. Pretty fat, but at the age when it's adorable.
>Anyway, tard comes into the school's auditorium. We're all forced to sing, I usually fall asleep. Except for one day.
>We hear it before it happens, like the coming of a storm.
>At first it sounds like a car outside. Kinda peaceful if you think about what's going on.
>Now it sounds like a gun being shot outside the door.
>Enter this giant of a retard. Mind you we're all like five feet or so. Dude is like 6`6 and looks like a brick wall. Bursts into the door and stares at me. Directly at me.
>Kid charges like a bull, my only hope is to run. Or stand and fight. I turn to my sides and tell my bros to run.
>Retard is picking up speed while I hold my ground, pen in one hand and full water bottle in other.
>Strength of my forefathers help me now, raising the water bottle behind me I whip it at the retard. It stops him for a short time.
>Hold pen ready, not going out without a fight. As retard is charging I prepare mentally. Retard is a few feet away when I lunge, pen pointing towards his stomach.
This thread is gold, OP has the best stories
>throw him steak through cracked window

my sides have gone with the Pack
I never really had issues...I mean, socially or mentally.
I was always smart, but everyone was a two-faced prick to me (my family, my classmates, my teachers), so I've had on-off depression for years.

They justified me in those classes because when I was born they vaguely said parts of my brain did not work correctly or fully, and after I learned how to talk I became mute for a while.
Was probably because of my mother's wonderful boyfriends and their bordering-on-abuse aggression towards me.

File: 1395218411080.gif (2 MB, 400x242) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2 MB, 400x242

>A few weeks later, some other new kid arrives
>We warn him about the femautist, he takes our advice
>Last period of the day rolls around, its his first class with her
>Right when she walks in, she immediately starts flirting with him
>She goes on and on and on about her life, she mentions that she wanted to become a model and im positive i heard her say that she enjoyed the smell of poop
>Everyone except for brand new kid is dying of laughter, he's sitting there taking it all in because there's nothing he can do about it

Let's just say that he only stayed for one more day before he got the fuck out of that school
Oh boy, what a story!

>field trip
>going to some hot springs
>cant wait been on a bus for 6 hours (fuck those seats)
>watching some kids, one in particular is a she-tard of unusual retardedness.
>finaly get to hotsprings after 40min hike
>everyone setting up camp
>take my eyes off tard for a second and i hear
>tard stripped naked and ran into hot springs
>mind you the HOT part
>you arent supposed to swim where it is boiling
>tard fucking connonballed into 4 feet of boiling water
>have to fucking save her
>get to her and realise shes completely naked
>shes thrashing so i have to get her good, so gross body flaps everywhere
>students loling
>give tard her kock out pills and zip her up in a tent
>go smoke a joint with some teachers

>Finally we make it to the park, it's very hot, Wolf Josh look exhausted.
>Oscar and Brandon are there, I signal them to meet us behind a grove of trees where the potheads usually go to smoke.
>I tell Wolf Josh to relax, he's snarling, and he's fucking snarling and foaming from the mouth, like hes makes himself drool and trying to look as rabid as possible. "I'm...trying...Anon... but those...demons.
>"Guys, return his soul to him. "
>Oscar who never takes anything serioously, and I don't blame him for not taking this seriously goes "NEVER, WE GAY DEMONS LOVE SOULS LIKE HIS, WE WOULD NEVER RETURN IT TO HIM."
>Wolf Josh goes because, and shoves me aside, and rushes at them as fast as your average 300 pound fat tard can go, which is rather fast, he has his hands out like claws running like Naruto did in the anime and shit.
>Brandon and Oscar run.
>I chase after them. Wolf Josh goes berserk, he's yelling and screaming throwing grass and dirt around, he manages to pull out a bush and cuts himself on the thorns, so he's bleeding from his hands.
>The people at the park at freaking the fuck out.
>I yell at Oscar and Brandon to come back and give his soul back.
I can just imagine this shit now, like being a spectator of these events, and how we;re yelling about souls and shit.

>Anyway, he chases them at enraged tard speed, Mach Tard 5.
> They run out the park, they get caught up in a dead end, and Wolf Josh bloodied, and covered in sweat and dirt is growling at them.
>"Okay! We return your soul to you!" They are seriously afraid now.
>Josh stands up straight and yells loudly pretending his soul is coming back into his body. I hear the sirens now. Fuck.
>Wolf Josh doesn't want to end it now. "You two demons will neve r take another soul again!"
>Brandon and Oscar finally play along, and say they submit
I just visualized the crying faceplant holy shit
I've always wondered what is the actual job title for tard wranglers? Special needs... caretaker?
I had a kid exactly like that in my 8th grade class, except his name was Justin
> suspicious.jpg
>be me in 5th grade
>have tard kid in class
>kid never shuts up
>always talking about power rangers. Quoting random dialogue from show.
>teacher asked his parents to encourage him to settle down a bit.
>next day comes to school angry.
>begins doing power ranger suit up motions
> everyone staring at him when he suddenly starts doing kicks and punches.
>goes for a flip and lands flat on face.
> begins crying.
> goes home.

what I would give to see things from his perspective for only just a moment..
Go back to tumblr!!!! God I hate you self righteous morons!
Kill yourself
Keep goin, man. This Wolf Josh shit is pretty entertaining.
Anything happen 11th grade to graduation?
OP is god. I would just love to see OP and visualize all of his glory in detail.
File: 1383435007708.jpg (18 KB, 500x374) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
18 KB, 500x374
I have a tard stepbrother who's had some interesting mishaps. Here's one:
>Be me
>16 at the time
>My parents make me go to the fucking grocery store b/c I'm their free errand guy since I got my license then
>Get back from the local Kroger
>Walk through the door and see him jerking off ass-naked on the fucking couch
>Made the mistake of walking inside the house with a gallon of milk and some eggs
>Dropped that shit as soon as I saw the squealing potato
>He sees me and lets out a roar unlike the sounds he was making jerkin' his goose.
>He runs up the stairs just before I'm able to see a massive shitstain on my white fucking couch.
Got any more to tell?
Your signature... tumblr fag... fuck it... too tired... go be some other guards problem, criminal scum
das b8 m8

What's self-righteous about that? It just helps identifying yourself in long discussions.

>One day during announcements, we hear that the marines and a few colleges will be visiting the cafeteria during lunchtime
>each group has a booth set up around the room
>Autist walks straight up to the marine booth
>She asks the main marine about joining
>He's standing there terrified, looks like he's watching a horror film
>She randomly says "ok i want to join and serve my country, but i dont want to go overseas and die"
>She also asks how many people he's killed, if she would have to train as hard because she was a girl, if there's any "bullying" in the corps, etc
>eventually the marines just completely ignore her, pack up their stuff, and gtfo of the cafeteria
>She goes to the bathroom and cries (we could literally hear the sobbing from across the hallway with the bathroom door closed)
>one bitchy popular girl goes in and yells "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
>All of the sudden there's an ear shattering banging noise followed by the popular girl screaming out of terror
>No one sees the two girls at all for the rest of the day

>cum slice

oh god it's OVER
That's what the id is for you faggot
Browser crashed, so the ID changed, but I'm still Panda.

>not realizing he has an id
>not realizing that the point of 4chan is to be anonymous
>I feel my mighty sword pierce the hide of the dragon. I stabbed that retard with my favourite pen.
>Bros come back and help me get my pen back. We wash the blood off of it and go to class.
>Turns out the kid didn't remember who stabbed him nor did the teacher see, as she tried to get the kids back to class.
>I am, Strongfat killer of retards. On the day of their death we shall dance and we'll sing.
Tripcode more faggit
gr8 b8 m8 no d-b8 i r8 it an 8 i h8 2 b in an ir8 st8 but its my f8
hey m8 i apreci8 that u r8 it gr8 u wanna d8 and mayb masturb8 i can ask n8 and we can meet at the g8 dont b l8
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 it an 8/8 plz don't h8
gr8 b8 m8 cant even h8 so I r8 8 outta 8
Gr8 b8 m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8., I'm str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 88888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8.
I'm neither from tumblr nor from reddit you asshat. I just think that it's much easier to identify this way than using the ID, and unlike you faggots I'm actually proud of where my opinions come from.
gr8 b8 m8 no d-b8 i r8 it an 8 i h8 2 b in an ir8 st8 but its my f8
hey m8 i apreci8 that u r8 it gr8 u wanna d8 and mayb masturb8 i can ask n8 and we can meet at the g8 dont b l8
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 it an 8/8 plz don't h8
gr8 b8 m8 cant even h8 so I r8 8 outta 8
Gr8 b8 m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8., I'm str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 88888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8.
yay shitposting
>Wolf Josh points at them, they just stare in awe. Soul wrenching movement here.
> I'm assuming he took their souls because he clenches his fist as if he was holding a pair of something.
>He them begins to grind into the air, and glare at Oscar and Brandon. "DO YOU FEEL IT, MY SPIRIT COCK IN YOUR SOULS?"
>They just try not to break down into laughter.
>The cop finally finds us and I'm sure it was easy since the description must of been 6 foot tall 300 fat boy cover in blood and dirt calling howling like a wolf.
> The cop calls out to Josh, he stops. He always knew to listen to the police.
>The rest of us just stand there, unable to comprehended.
> Wolf Josh was a rude dude though true and true. The cop asks him what whats up, if he did any drugs?
> "I don't take any drugs besides my medication, I had to fight for my soul back because these gay demons took it from me. "
>The cop looks at my friends, they shake their heads no.
>The cop asks Josh where he lives because I think he understood Wolf Josh was a giant wolf tard.
>Wolf Josh lived in an apartment building very close to the park, that's why he was always there practicing his wolf magic.
>The cop escorts him home, his partner keeps us there, and asks us to recite what happened that day.
I later found out, Wolf Josh did shit himself, and he got his soul back everything was back to normal almost. We never went back to that park, and later that summer we would find out he would never be in our school again. He would be sent to a tard school, or maybe Hogwarts even so he can practice his Wiccan magic and be full-fledge.

Also, He's not the only tard Josh I know actually. And Prior to this scenario Wolf Josh had a great time harassing my female friend asking her to be his mate.

I saw him years later, around 2012, he was still fat and shit, but he had an emo hair cut you know with the long bangs and he wore mascara. He showed me this cool new band he discovered.

It was Slipknot.
I just don't have the energy you bastard. Stop pushing it. Even if you're trolling its not funny. Just find something else... please.
Marry me
>huge skyrim tard
File: 1.jpg (197 KB, 972x1296) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
197 KB, 972x1296
Im shitting right now
This thread is shit
Im shitting while reading shit thread

Pic related, those are my nice buns
File: c14.jpg (16 KB, 488x305) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
16 KB, 488x305
You need to go tumblr fuck cakes, no one wants you here. I honestly hope someone rapes your mother to death in front of you, then shoves a long neck rose with thorns up your ass
- Anon
File: 1391488777656.jpg (54 KB, 625x626) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
54 KB, 625x626
gr8 b8 m8 no d-b8 i r8 it an 8 i h8 2 b in an ir8 st8 but its my f8
hey m8 i apreci8 that u r8 it gr8 u wanna d8 and mayb masturb8 i can ask n8 and we can meet at the g8 dont b l8
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 it an 8/8 plz don't h8
gr8 b8 m8 cant even h8 so I r8 8 outta 8
Gr8 b8 m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8., I'm str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 88888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8.

pic related
listen. there's no winning this.
just go to cumblr or adapt faggots.
File: ?.jpg (38 KB, 359x450) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
38 KB, 359x450

fukkin saved
>go back to tumblr and/or an hero
my side are in orbit
>be Junior year
>everything that bothered me about the 'Where were you' jokes is now funny to me
>became legendary for my battles with the tards
>some super PC girls think I started it by picking on them
>went out with blowjob girl from an earlier post
>generally decent, piss-free life
>be November
>see tard class
>notice three that are oddly familiar
>it's them
>they all have mustaches
>they didn't notice me because puberty hit me hard
>hear horror stories about them
>they've turned into massive perverts
>they end up going to the Christmas dance
>Larry sees me with blowjob girl (I call her that because we weren't really dating at the time)
>prepare for idiocy
>he isn't as bad as I expected
>learned that he was in some programs for advanced tards
>ask him if it's taught him bladder control
>"nah, man, we don't do that anymore"
>the other two see us
>moe has a hat with a bell
>moe and Curley are still fucknuts
>within five minutes, Moe has mentioned how many times he masturbates a day and how he does it
>tell him he has a clubbed dick and go somewhere else
>festivities continue
>blow job girl and I go to my car
>we do the thing blowjob girl does best
>hear jingling outside car
>it's moe
>he is furiously masturbating
>I am in my car, mid-coitus, while some retard with bells and a clubbed dick is jerking off
>open door and try to hit him
>"moe, fuck off"
>he gets scared and cums
>afraid attempting to cum on me is his new thing
File: bogtrotter.jpg (169 KB, 650x488) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
169 KB, 650x488
Fucking boss has a grown retard kid who's always kicking the shit out of his old grandparents, so he has to run home all the time, sticking me with all the work. Everyone feels sorry for him and his retard, but how about the fucking guy that has to do all the fucking work>
File: 1391488859542.jpg (38 KB, 619x619) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
38 KB, 619x619
>latex anti-tard gloves
The energy for what? I don't know why people get so angry over me establishing an identity. Or is that you fucking trigger, tumblrettes? Lol

File: fmnr3.jpg (870 KB, 1277x4855) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
870 KB, 1277x4855
Necessary Fats McGee and his Retard Three is necessary.
No shit. Like I said... i'm too tired to even pretend to fall for it.
And I'm leaving, bump limit reached and too much arguing
No it isn't, that really is a tumblr reddit fuck, you are the baiter here, you peice of shit
>be me and friend freshman year
>we decide to get back at fatbitchcunt for being so fat, bitchy, and cunty
>we make a fake facebook profile for one guy she liked
>He's a typical douche, treats everyone like crap
>We message her on FB, tell her that she is pretty and the we've liked her the whole time
>She believes all of it
>Next monday, fatbitchcunt approaches the douche kid and tries flirting with him, brings up the FB messages
>he has no idea wtf is going on
>he tells her "this conversation never happened"
>She's heartbroken, starts bawling in the middle of class
>Me and friend's sides are in orbit, we can't contain our laughter
>eventually they find out the account was fake
>they tell the school's principle everything that happened
>he calls the police (muh cyberbullying), they show up and investigate a bunch of girls who were "bullying" the fatbitchcunt on a daily basis
>Me and friend are never even suspected by anyone, and the fatbitchcunt and doucheykid never make eye contact again
>not knowing /pol/ masterminded the tumblr raid
>being this new
>enjoy your stay for the summer

then dont. just dont. dont feed the troll just ignore it and it goes away.
>me, around 8 years old
>flashback into Spain, roughly 10 years ago, before coming to US
>walking out from a store after buying some toys with my father
>father has a strong/heavy build, big man
>as we are heading back home, my father suddenly gets punched PRETTY fucking hard in the back
>my father out of instinct turns around, and decks that person in the face with his dominant left hand
>guy gets knocked out
>suddenly notice the guy has some kind of mental retardation and was walking around with his mother
>the also half retarded old mother starts telling my father that why did he do that
>father replies "you shouldn't take animals out on the street without a leash"
>we walk away

now that i think about it was kind of fucked up, but still, my father got hit out of fucking nowhere, so he just answered back and it happened to be a retard. still find it hilarious as fuck.
b& b& b& b& b& FUCKING b&!!!!!!!
You just described me, besides the going out to bars and clubs. Except I haven't been diagnosed with anything except depression and I'm not some self-diagnosing faggot. Although my parents sometimes ask completely seriously if I think I might be an aspie. I'm 18 by the way. Hopefully I'll adjust well when I go off to college in the fall. Been working on making eye contact the past couple years.
File: download (10).jpg (11 KB, 194x259) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
download (10).jpg
11 KB, 194x259
Yeah, being called a newfag, and summer, when you don't even know how to use green text correctly.
I'm not from fucking tumblr, asshat.

Yes you are, why so defensive , it gives away the fact you are lying
top kek
we know just relax and stop posting.
10/10 kek'd
Without people like op we wouldnt be able to have these stories. Also later on in life he could be a standup comic that just tells tard stories
>Anyway, he chases them at enraged tard speed, Mach Tard 5.
>tard speed, Mach Tard 5
>Mach Tard 5

Oh God my sides...
>17 at the time
>Go to this really big cave a couple hours from where I live (like 400 miles or something crazy)
>Tard stepbrother, who I'll call J, came along
>I shit you not, 10 minutes into it he runs off
>Of course, I'm the one assigned to look for him
>My brother tags along for good measure
>We end up bullshitting around the cave for like 30 minutes until we hear a faint squealing coming from a distance
>We go into the direction of the noises
>As we're making our way closer, people are rushing out
While I'm passing these people, I smell a faint odor of shit, so that also tells me I'm going in the right direction
>Finally get really close, the squeals are fucking LOUD
>What I saw next kinda haunted me
jesus. fucking 10/10
File: cut that out.jpg (42 KB, 500x448) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
cut that out.jpg
42 KB, 500x448
Hey guys I also work with the handicapped.

>Kid comes in
>Talks in a very monotone voice
>Carries a charlie brown doll
>He calls it bulles
>Its charlie browns cousin
Oh ok sweety thats nice
>Falls asleep on the floor a minute later
>Wakes up an hour later
>Wants some crackers
>I get some and we eat together
>He starts talking to me about his fanfictions he writes
My eyes go wide and I will never forget what he says next
>"I make up stories about how pinkie pie is a murderer killing other ponies."
Its true.
Oh my god its true. I thought it was just a joke or a stereotype that people on the internet made to make fun at autistic people.
>he goes into detail about how pinkie pie rapes and mutilates his friends.
I call for someone else to take him because I get increasingly uncomfortable.
Hes OK now he would never act on those things but I was really worried when I first met him.
Never would have thought.

OP confirmed as newfag but made up for it with awesome tard wrangling stories. i dont laugh often but some of them were pretty good and made me laugh. thanks OP even if you are a newfag.
Please continue
Thread replies: 336
Thread images: 57
Thread DB ID: 3805

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at [email protected] with the post's information.