Is anyone lurking/willing to dump their own? Its lonely in here...
Eh, I just confessed my feelings for a qt grill and got rejected, just feeling pretty down and could use a good feels session.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks man, you got anything you need to vent? I'm here to listen too.
Just kindly lonely. Sick. And pretty much feeling like a burden.
I hope you feel better man, if it helps, right now your not a burden at all. :)
Thanks, but I don't think I'll be feeling better anytime soon. Lung cancer, stage 4.
I found this to be pretty 'helpful'.
It kinda sucks that the song doesn't repeat though. It's still fixable.
Fuck man, I'm sorry to hear that. The only advice I feel qualified to give would be to live life to its fullest while you still can, I'm not good at advice though. :(
Mate, let me tell you a story. I am an emotional reck, I need other people in my life but I alienate everyone, I'm disabled so I have been a virgin for quite a while now, I have dumped by more people you can ever imagine, and just this week I confessed to a girl, she's not like some super model or anything like that but I think of her as more beautiful then a perfect rose. Though she is far from perfect I still confessed, and she said maybe so progress, and now every day of this week we have talked and talked and I think she might be warming up to the idea of me and her being toghter. Moral of the story, don't give up after one lost cause, pick your self back up and keep going.
Thank you, I needed a pick me up right about now. Good luck with the girl.
I hate cancer, lost me mum to it. Cancer just complicates things, like if my mother died from a robber I could of think of how I could of saved her but with cancer who know you couldn't, and that's the spraying thing. Cancer is probably the first time in any persons life where they know, can relise, and can think that they have no control weither the live or die.
It's worse because I just heard it and nothing i do will fix the problem with it...
Two gazed into a pool, he gazed and she,
Not hand in hand, yet heart in heart, I think,
Pale and reluctant on the water's brink,
As on the brink of parting which must be.
Each eyed the other's aspect, she and he,
Each felt one hungering heart leap up and sink,
Each tasted bitterness which both must drink,
There on the brink of life's dividing sea.
Lilies upon the surface, deep below
Two wistful faces craving each for each,
Resolute and reluctant without speech: —
A sudden ripple made the faces flow
One moment joined, to vanish out of reach:
So those hearts joined, and ah! were parted so.
Christina Rossetti, An Echo from Willow-Wood
Mines kinda the same, my ex and I both just admitted we still love each other, always will, but she has a boyfriend and she doesn't want to just dump the kid for no reason and crush him. So I have to hope she doesn't fall for him and just wait
It gave me time to make amends. I knew it would come to this, I knew I would be able to fight as hard as other people. I was never a strong, never. I decide to try and contact anyone I had been feuding with, my dad, my uncle, some friends and my older brother. People who I hadn't talked to in years. I said sorry sorry. And some of them didn't accept my apology but I guess that's their fault. I guess I realize now that nobody is going to outsmart death, I always though that all this statistics would never get to me. I didn't think that 2% would ever be me. But look at me now, hopeless, unmotivated, and completely broken. Be careful with what you do guys. Remember nothing last forever. Make the best of what you have, because you never know.
So did I, a few months back, tried to kill myself but I passed out before I could. Everyone at the party cut my off when I came to.
And I know, it's worse hearing that she loves you back and you can't be with her. It's almost like she's dead
Ah... mine cheated on me with a man who helped raise her, and then when we broke up she made a big deal that she wouldn't date anyone or do anything romantic for a couple of years. She moved in with him the very next day. I was a broken shell before I met her, and she made me believe I was good looking, and nice, and someone who could be loved. The sick part is I started to believe her.
> I hate her for it but I still love her so much
I've only been interested in two girls in my 20 years. I've dated them both, and fell in love with one of them. The relationship ended naturally at an okay time. No regrets. Not even strong love can force the world to spin the other way.
Although, i've been single for three years.
I don't know if I should move on, and let other women occupy my life, or if I should just accept the fact that I had my fun, and no let anymore women into my life.
I think it is wrong to have more than one love life. Should I just get over it and let them into my life to make myself feel more comfortable, or do what feels morally right, and just call it a life.
"in the end death comes from us all." I know how cancer is second handly, and I'm sorry you have to go through it, I don't wish cancer on my most hated enemy, but if you do come through it, we will always be here to congratulate you, and if you don't well just wait for us.
You're feeling loyalty to a relationship that's over - that's the reality of it. Post-infatuation. When you find the right girl, you will have no questions. The past will be gone and she will be your future.
Stop being heaven and if it's real love between the both of you you'd find a way to be back together, if it's one sided than it's not not true love and you should try, even though it'll be hard to move on
Hope I'm not late to the party
I think I've fallen in love with a girl. I'm not exactly sure what love feels like but I can't stop thinking about her. She is my ideal perfect woman and we have so much in common. Problem is she has a boyfriend. I know I'm better than him. I know I could make her happy and we would be great together but I just have to convince her that I could make her happy. Maybe we could be together and both be happy. For once in my life I feel right about this and it's meant to be. I don't know how to go about this though.
Anyone else been through this? It's a long, hard road...
I was stuck in similar situation with the girl that I'm trying to get going with me, but I was lucky and she dumped him leaving me room. I say just drop hints, but dont straight up say it and when they brake up go for it man, what ever happens happens
You've given me some hope, friend. I've dropped some hints here and there and she isn't stupid so I assume she knows what I mean by them. But they've been together about 3 years so it's going to be hard to convince her to leave him for me. Even if I am better than him and everyone who knows him says it's a fact.
We stayed together for 2 years. We lost our virginity to each other when we were 16. She has had sex with 8+ guys since then.
She isn't anything like the girl I loved. She went from an innocent beauty to a disgusting whore.
There is nothing between us, but I feel like I should be loyal to the girl I loved.
I've been with pretty girls since then, but before I get close, I cut it off, because I feel like I am cheating on her. Like she is watching me, and testing my loyalty.
in 1998 I set the background of my work computer to PDLY in a fancy font- to remind myself, because I kept forgetting
It's 30 years later tomorrow and nothing has changed except I don't work anywhere anymore
>peddling Christ to a cancer patient
You people are fucking scum.
Would there happen to be a chat room where you and another person could just go and chat about what is giving you troubles with our of 15yr olds trying to shove their cock down my mouth.
You dick, posted a quote from my ex's favorite book. She had quotes from it all over her room and a tattoo of a quote on her hip. And I was finally starting to get over that cheating bitch and barely thought about her today. And now I'm in total feels mode. You got me OP, got me right in the feels
I actually have a lot of "friends", people that love me, girls that care about me, i have people for me.
But even with all of this, i still feel deeply alone and depressed.
I understand I can't literally cheat on my previous girlfriend. It is a psychological thing.
I feel like I am even though we haven't even seen each other in years.
I don't like anything about her, but i think about her everyday, and still consider her my girlfriend in the sense that I can't be with anyone else.
My problem is that I don't have somebody to care about, it's that it's never reciprocated. I never ask for it, but it would be nice if somebody just thanked me for being me somtimes. . .
>on the phone to a friend
>telling him about a girl I like
>asks how i feel about her
>I say I don't know what the feeling is
>He says describe it
>It's not lust, it's barely sexual
>I finally figure it out
>I desire intimacy
>He says yeah there's a word for that
I finally figured it out /b/. Thanks for the thread, I needed it today.
>OH noes i gots DA LUNG cancer.
Really faggot thats what u get for smoking. Anyone who smokes should just fucking kill themselves to get their pathetic lives over with already cause clearly you dont give a fuck.
>on the phone to a friend
I envy you
Fuck you /b/ros, i'm sick but i want to go to the gym and punch shit, run few kilometers.
This is the only way i found to escape this shitty reality
I'm kinda the same.
I have friends but sometimes I feel like they are just using me or like me to use me as a useful pawn later.
I feel so hopelessly alone, not because I am in body, but because I am in mind.
Maybe it's not that them. Maybe I just have trust issues. Trust issues even with myself.
Maybe I can't trust people because I fear rejection.
Maybe that's a load of bullshit.
I dunno man. I dunno.
I'm here bud. Some of these are really good.
people say that i'm a nice person, that i'm unique, that i'm in their heart blablabla
but i cant believe this, i have the feeling they dont really know how i am
i have the feeling they know a different person than who i really am.
I've never smoked a day in my life.
My dad was a heavy smoker and I got exposed way too much. I was never able to leave the house often. But thank you for you concern anon
Don't be sorry, as a disabled person I prefer being quizzical to my condition than damning me for it, it's called bethlum myapathy (?), pretty much it means calcium passes through the nucleus in my cells meaning they can never grow. Meaning I can never run.
I have a punching bag at home but he's too weak.
At gym, there's like a big-ass real punching bag, hanging from the roof
And when i feel bad i just go there and imagine that the bag is myself, and i just punch it until i cant even lift my hand anymore
and then i go to the changing room, and cry a bit
a short story /b/
>be eating lunch on park bench
>qt. sits down on bench
>after a while, i look up, only to see her looking at me
>deer-in-headlights mode activated
>snap my eyes back to my food
>feels bad man
why do i do this guys?
I am lucky to even be able to walk, let alone climb stairs, and trust me I wish I could grow muscle, if I didn't have this condition I would only be working out, to improve my body and to give me a place to just think.
I feel so alone guys. You're all I have. I love you faggots
The I don't know why I'm going to post this on /b/ of all places... But fuck it
11 yyears ago I lost everything I lived for. The woman I loved and our child on the way... I gave up on everything and floated through life. I have attempted suicide multiple times and every time I was interrupted or woke up later in a hospital.
This past year I stopped trying to find someone, stopped trying to be happy. Stopped blaming myself for the most part and just want to live now. Then it fucking happened, I've been in a relationship with an amazing beautiful and brilliant girl for 8 months. I don't have to try with her, she initiated everything and stays by my side. She keeps me from relapsing back to my old self and makes me happy.
I don't know where I'm going with this... Shit is meant to be however it is, just be fucking happy and good shit happens.
Get a body opponent bag. Those thing's are harder than real humans in places. That fucking rubber shit. Made the mistake of not wrapping once and I've punched till I bled all over it a couple times. Remember that a good blow.shouldn't "push". The transfer of energy should bend BOB more than push him. You can feel the hard plastic under it if you work the body too much. I love my B.O.B.It's the model designed for weapons practice. You're supposed to be hitting it with sticks and shit. Closest thing to a real human body you can get that won't break on you when you give it a real kicking day in and day out. Though his face contorts a little. Mushes up
I met a girl. She was cute, very down to earth and straight forward and she is very, very much like me in terms of her upbringing. We hit it off great when we met.
I told myself "don't fall for her, she's taken." She is going long distance. However, she hasn't cheated on him despite them only seeing each other once every several months. I met the dude before etc. She is legitimately faithful to her man.
Now she is 1.5 years into this relationship, she loves him like you wouldn't believe and he is one of those neckbeard beta type dudes. If he isn't dating her he would never have anyone. I've known her for about 7 or 8 months. I like her more than I've liked any girl before. Not because of her looks or anything like that but because of her personality. Like when I'm with her sex is something that crosses my mind from time to time but it's mostly me wanting to be in her company.
Which sucks because I'm falling for some other guys GF. I'm not dumb enough to fuck things up for them though so I don't make a move on her. I just try to find another girl I can feel the same way with but I haven't met one I get along with as well as I did with her. There just isn't that connection with me. I'm determined to find another girl but this situation is fucked up.
My mom had cancer, my grandpa had cancer, my great aunt had cancer, and my grandma had cancer. I've seen it and i know what its like. it is beatable. My mom survived it, and maybe you can too. Just have faith and live your life to the fullest. help that homeless man you may have driven by. Buy him a meal and hear his story. Volunteer at the shelter, the elderly have all the wisdom in the world. Idk, i guess what i'm trying to say is, do the things we all want to do, but tell ourselves we don't have the time for.
I would hug you my friend but I only know that would do nothing at this point, I have sadness that you have lost but I am also glad that you have happiness after all that sadness, good job.
Guys. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Since you guys have always been here. I figured I'd ask your advice.
I have a choice between living the American Lie and making a deal with the Devil.
If I make this deal, There's going to be a long, hard road that has a very slim chance of survival. If I survive, I will have enough money to do whatever I want with the remainder of my life.
If I don't, I will graduate college. Get a decent job, get a house in the suburbs and generally grow old, fat and healthy.
FUCK YOUR BAWW THREAD NIGGA
STEP THE FUCK BACK AND LET THE WISDOM OF THE BARON ENLIGHTEN YOU.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THERES A HIGH POSSIBILITY, NAH NIGGA, ITS ABSOLUTE FACT THAT THE BLOOD OF KINGS, HEROES, PATRIOTS, AND LITERAL GODS RUNS RAMPANT IN YOUR VEINS?
FUCK YOUR BAW THREAD.
FUCK YOUR EX, YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER I PROMISE
MAKE YOUR PARENTS PROUD BY STRIVING TO BE THE ABSOLUTE BEST SON OF A BITCH THEY COULD NEVER EVEN IMAGINE TO BECOME.
GO FORTH AND FUCK SHIT UP.
TLDR: GET THE FUCK UP YOU PUSSY
Yes you do, you can say sorry for the loss of another to show that you actually care for that person. that person who lost so much. you say sorry because you want someone to understand that their loss isn't unnoticed.
Everything is fleeting, the only singular thing in this life that will happen that is guaranteed is that it will end. What happens until that point is up to us. We can choose to dwell on the past, we can blame anything we want, we can sit alone and do nothing. We will all die one day, we have no reason to make it harder for ourselves. Be yourself, be happy with yourself and good shit will happen.
If that happens the gun usually just blows apart. This doesn't necessarily kill you, it just fucks you up. A blank will clear it. Stacking another round into a jammed barrel is... Well that's retarded.
I can't fucking cry anymore. This is my 5th baww thread this week. I read every story, I looked at every picture, and I watched the rest 404. I feel horrible, I feel lost, and I feel utterly broken with all that's happened over the past year, but I still can't cry. I've been performing on stage for seven years now and even taught myself how to cry and I lack the ability to do so now when I really need it. I can't sleep, I can't lose weight no matter how I try, and now I can't even cry. And of course, I can't tell anyone in person that I'm feeling this way because I know they can't help.
The worst part is, however, I can't even bring myself to blame the woman that put me there. I'm sure she had her reasons, and I'm sure she's better off without me, but I can't stop thinking about her. I simply can't.
My family comes from the hated guy on the mayflower and most of my family as collinized the US, I know I have the blood of explores in me, and damnit I want to explore but I can't, not with these legs, not with the world fully discovered.
such an incredible faggot
this is why i stopped /b/rowsing
if you want to cry for 2-3 hours go buy To the Moon on steam for $3.00
I am getting by day to day, all I can manage to do. She had a Primitive Neuroectodermal Tumor - which is a cancer that develops in the Posterior fossa(lower back part of the brain), It had already spread to her meninges, spinal cord and kidneys by the time doctors found out what was going on.
I haven't been able to cry sence I was in 6th grade, I saw my mothers funeral, I was there when she was buried not a single tear, I have not been able to gain weight, and sleep does not come easily, what I'm trying to say is that nothing is stopping you from asking her out besides you. Over come and conquer your self
Reminds me of something that happened earlier today. Went to Dick's to go look at getting more plates for my weight bench. Four teenage girls around my age, probably a little younger (I'm 18) walk over to the exercise equipment section. The tallest one is a cutie 3.14 redhead in booty shorts and a tank top. She starts trying to flirt with me, saying I like your shirt. I'm social autist so I just mumble thanks and continue shopping hoping I won't look like a creep. They're fucking around with equipment, having fun. Cutie3.14 is punching one of those standing punching bags and knocks it over, so I look over to see what happens. She's sees saying "Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not crazy!" I start trying to ignore her. I know if she keeps trying to engage in conversation I'll just be awkward as fuck. She keeps looking at me, " You look familiar, do I know you?" I just say "Doubt it." Her and her friends are giggling amongst themselves as they whisper to each other. "Well I know everyone I talk to, why don't I know you?" Just say "I don't talk to people." Her and her friends look at each other "That's kinda depressing." I mumble "Yup" as I grab my plates and start walking away to go check out. "I really do like your shirt though." Mumble "Thanks" buy my plates and leave. Get to my car and realize what the fuck I just did. Went home and had the hardest work out I've had in weeks, pissed at myself. Tfw when even when cuties try to talk to me I'm too much of a social autist to hold a conversation. Tfw this why I only leave the house to go to work or get food
I had the ring. asked her if we could take a break during finals. i was going to ask her after testing.she ended up talking to another guy. its been a month and i have realized im probably not going to get a second chance. 4 years. like that.
Biggs you dumb. Your friends can find other dealers. They probably think your ass is busy. You call to make plans. That's the established pattern. When you don't call then they are probably feeling more rejected than anything. Like you're only friends for the money.
You reap what you sow. I dont talk about your life but about your emotions. The more you stay in your sadness the more you'll be sad.
Every emotion just try to repeat itself in your head. Change it. And all y'all niggers just try to look up, not down.
And g'luck to cancerbro.
N°1 tip about relationship: Stop assuming shit. Most of the time you'll be dead wrong anyway. Just ask and fucking see what happens. If you get a no then at least you can move on. But don't fucking act like a bitch.
We wait and think and doubt and hate. How does it make you feel? The overwhelming feeling is rage. We hate ourself for being unable to be other than what we are. Unable to be better. We feel rage. The feelings must be followed. It doesn't matter whether you're an ideologue or a sensualist, you follow the stimuli thinking that they're your signposts to the promised land. But they are nothing of the kind. What they are is rocks to navigate the past, each on your brush against, ripping you a little more open and they are always more on the horizon. But you can't face up to the that, so you force yourself to believe the bullshit of those you instinctively know are liars and you repeat those lies to yourself and to others, hoping that by repeating them often and fervently enough you'll attain the godlike status we accord those who tell the lies most frequently and most passionately. But you never do, and even if you could, you wouldn't value it, you'd realise that nobody believes in heroes any more. We know that they only want to sell us something we don't really want and keep from us what we really do need. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we're getting in touch with our condition at last. It's horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone.
It's not asking her out, we were dating and after a year and a half, I was getting ready to propose. I still remember the last time I saw her. She called me to meet her at the park, and I arrived only a few minutes later. Then she told me she was finished with me, only ke[t me around to satisfy her needs, and said she was moving out of state in a few days and that I should get anything I own out of her house. She said this in front of God and everyone else there that day, and I stood in silence as she walked off. I did have her, and she was the only woman I ever loved. I want to hate her, I want to cry, I want to die, but I can't. Because I'm hoping that one day I'll wake up and she'll be there and that this was all a dream. But I know that only fools dream of dreams.
I'm confused, why date someone that long buy a ring then ask her for a break?
I'm not getting on your ass I'm just not too sure on the logic there. Was it self sabotage?
Side note... Don't make them wait 4 years... I have been threatened by my gf that if she has to wait 2 then I won't live that long.
>Last day of school
>"FRANKLIN COUNTY POLICE"
>Yeah, dads just playin a joke...
>Who's that guy?
>This isn't a joke?
>Where are you taking my dad?
>I don't want to answer these questions.
>No he never touched me.
>Where are you taking me
>I want to stay with my family
>Cool, I get to watch movies
>Can I talk to my mom?
>Why am I going to my uncles house?
>How long will I be staying here?
>A few months, okay...
Theres more, oh shit theres more...
(this is an exact account of what was going through my head in those 12 hours of horror)
i ended all my relationships/friendships" because i felt that same way.
No one really liked me i knew it and i was lying to myself about being thought of as a friend by others. After i stopped being used by these people they tried to get me to think they were my friends, but they tried too hard and i could see on their faces that i was being an inconvenience to them by not being their "friend". they all feel the same way about eachother. they don't give a fuck about the other persons feelings they are only hanging out to use eachother. You're probably in the same situation. what could they be using you for? if there's something they could be using you for then they are. people are shit. if you can't tell someone how you feel they aren't your friend.
You've obviously never had to live out doors with a revolver for a long period of time in a humid environment. Revolvers CAN jam, whether by rust or debris. It isn't common but it can happen. Why don't you go ask /k/
It's the scariest thing I've ever felt I asked a girl that I was playing dnd with last July and she when she siad yes it was the happiest feeling in the world j
That really depends on the gun. Rim fire, or center. Also on the ammo itself. The primer can be less sensitive.
Not all revolves are equal. A 38.special black powder capable snub nose is about as reliable as a 14 year old condom. But when it works it leaves a very noticeable impact. Was cutter round to the back of the head.. Like that anchorwoman did live on broadcast. Dead before they could cut. Google that shit
I'm not an avid survivalist. I lived in a camper for about a year because my dad kicked me out of the house when I was 18 and the government checks stopped coming. I'm nothing special, I'm just another story.
Fuck it continuing
>About a month later
>Just hangin out with my mom
>Ow, my neck, wtf?
Fast forward about a month
>It's getting bigger faster every day
>They said it was cat scratch disease
>I know it's not
>Go to the doc one last time
>We have to do a needle biopsy
>By the the doc does it the lump is softball sized
>I named it steve
>The biopsy is done
>I have cancer
>They don't know what kind
>I have to have an open biopsy
>Everything's happening so fast
>We go to the surgery center at a hospital
>Pic related (it's what it looked like)
Later that night
>WHAT THE FUCK!
>Rushed by parents to the hospital
>I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN!
>I'm given dilaudid
>Didn't do shit
>Sen't to a central Columbus (We're in ohio by the way) hospital
>barely did anything
>What did I do to deserve this?
>No more, NO MORE!
>the pain is going away
>Internal bleeding was caused by the cut
More where that came from
Have some really sad music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VoMrvOzYCQ
Trust me. This will be the most depressing and honest thing you'll hear all day. A Jew lamenting the loss of Germany. A place of Jewish ancestry. Not just lamenting the holocaust but the destruction of Germany itself as well.
you people always think about life and what your most thing you care about is me me me me me me me me me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me meme me me me me me me
and finally you die sad and lonly because you never tried to care for people have you /b/
but dose caring is the answer no ITS RETURNING TO YOUR SELF AGAIN KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU ARE ALONE DON'T TRY TO BE SOME ONE WHO IS NOT U
These are some mediocre feels. Dumping some true feels.
Made my Ex, a few years ago, regret publicly humiliating and dumping me. She begged for forgiveness...
I showed her the same mercy as she did to me.
Her nudes, face included, spread like wildfire across campus.
She moved from the state the next week.
I never asked for these feeeeeeeels
Oh man, it's full on story time.
It was Goatse back then, thank you.
...It was more trepidation?
What are you talking about?
I still never win at those.
You're crazy, aren't you?
Two eggs over easy on toast with a slice of Munster cheese on each.
The 24th, now, I think.
Not off the top of my head, no.
I have plans to hang out with three at various points tomorrow.
About half an hour ago?
Yes, a YLYL thread.
Nothing special, other than lunch with my lover.
i think its time to give up. i hate her i hate him i hate everyone and i hate me. i hate what ive become and i hate everything im going to be. no matter how many times i smash my head against the wall i cant get these thoughts out of my head. im tired of sitting here alone everynight breaking down and promising myself things will be different tomorrow just to be in the same place the next night. i give up.
Wooo WOoo! all aboard the feel train.
Next stop, a crushing sense of loneliness, futility, and regret.
>Tfw I relied on her for my depression
>Tfw I hoped she would leave after I solved that
>Tfw she left today
>Tfw I don't know what to do or say
Pic not related
It's been an honor to post at your side.
Well, time to take a large dip in quality and then it's time for me to go to bed.
Well, it's been a pleasure feeling with all of you. Good night.
To everyone here: Change is the answer. Change is the beginning and the end of your problems. Stop clinging to shit. I know no one will be able to really get any help from just reading that, but fuck it. I wish I could explain how easy it is to get better, to be alpha and shit. I wish I could.
Pretend everything is brand new, even when it's not. Everything. That blanket? Pretend you have nerves for the first time and feel that shit up. The street you drive everyday? You're now an alien tourist visiting Earth. Try to live like that. Don't let depression color everything that you still have left. Best of luck to you.
If you're saying this as in you want her back, you'd best run like hell after her anon, before it's too late. Tell her the truth, and not sorely, but modestly. She will appreciate your honesty, and at least you can secure a friendship. If you love her, now is better than never or too late...Trust me anon...I made such a mistake. And regret it every day.
If you say this as in you're glad she's gone. Then, I guess, more power to you.
I don't love her in any sort of way. She would just cheer me up from my depression. Take my mind away from it. So now I'm just stuck here alone. I have to just learn to cope with it. Thank you for replying anon.