Anyone have any green text stories?

>>552247341
I have some laying around
Like the adventures of my buddy megaphone in high school

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>>552247341
1/2

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>>552247569
Proceed...

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>>552247650
2/2

>no

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>>552247754
And one more for good measure. the Classic tale of Neal the raptard

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what got this newfag into 4chan

>>552247859
/thread
this stroy mak mi crie evrytim

>>552247717
>junior jear high school
>Meet this guy who speaks really loud
>first day of class he got kicked out for yelling
>'HAI MAN CAN I BORROW YOUR PEN'
>next day
>be with a friend in town just
>run into this yelling motherfucker
>barely remember him
>but he does
>'HEY GUYS I WANTED TO TELL YOU YOU'RE OK'
>most violent shakehand of my life ensues
>from this day he was known as Megaphone
>about everything he was or did was extreme
fast-forward 6 months
>go to bathroom before class
>whats that smell
>open the cubicle
>someone took a huge dump on the ground and spread it on the wall
>made a huge nike logo out of shit
>I instantly call this guy
>'hey mate there's something interesting in the bathroom'
>'HAHA I KNOW ITS ME'
This guy was completely insane. I have lots of memories the same kind from him...

>>552247569
alright leggo

>>552248130
>Had some papers to get signed in town
>Bring Megaphone with me
>the fucker starts yelling
>'OI EVERYONE MAKE PLACE FOR ANON
>HE'S AWESOME
>HE'S GOT SOME AWESOME PAPERS WITH HIM
>CUZ HE'S THE BEST'
>at some point there's a kid looking at him
>he just yells in his face
>'HEY FUCKER REMOVE YOUR HAT BEFORE YOUR LORD'
>The kid is shaking and removes his hat
>I swear he just went with me to the administration
>and he couldn't stop yelling
>eventually security politely asked him to calm down
>'OI DON'T DISRESPECT YOUR SUPERIORS YOU SWINE'
>the guy pulls him outside
>even from inside I could hear him yelling
>at sixteen, he managed to get kicked out of an administrative building

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>>552247341
over 500 greentexts
pic related

>>552248298
why the fuck did you bring the guy with you?

>>552248410
He followed me, and it was impossible to get rid of him
>>552248298
I forgot to mention we were in a boarding school
>The common parts were never cleaned
>the cleaning ladies just went by and didn't do shit
>just were present to get paid and pretend
>Megaphone gets pissed eventually
>so one day, he just grabbed all their cleaning stuff from their 'cart'
>he threw them out the window
>they notice and suspect this fucker who just chained stupid stuff
>he denies, but better
>he follows them yelling
>'OH GOD I SWEAR KIDS THESE DAYS
>THEY HAVE NO EDUCATION
>WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT
>THATS REALLY MEAN
>IF I FIND WHO DID THIS, I'M GONNA REPORT HIM'
>and he followed them for about an hour
>going on about stuff like that
>the cleaning ladies eventually got tired and dropped the idea of complaining to administration
>they picked their stuff and left just so they would have peace

>>552248623
>back from winter vacation
>he's eager to pull some new tricks
>in math class, the teacher is a short fat insecure beta
>first class, he shows up
>'OI MR TEACHER I MISSED YOU SO MUCH
>LET ME HUG YOU'
>megaphone just jumps on him
>looked more like a tackle than a hug
>they both land on the desk
>now megaphone was quite built
>he starts to hug the teacher nearly to asphyxiation
>he then lets go, grabs him by the neck and gives him two condescendent slaps
>'OH AND HAPPY NEW YEAR BY THE WAY'
>teacher is shaking
>he goes with a faint voice
>'get... get out... I don't want to see you again'
>'WHAT YOU SAY MISTER ?'
>'GET OUT !'
>eventually this teacher filed a formal complaint
>but megaphone had the habit of kissing the ass of the school administration
>so they all knew him and were convinced he was a charming young man
>he got away with it
>but the teacher refused having him in his class anyway
>he didn't have math for the rest of the year
>but he sometimes came before the classroom yelling
>'ANON IS THE AWESOMEST DEFINITION OF AWESOME'
>for half an hour, waiting for the rest of the band to finish the class
>the teacher was nearly in tears
>but he was afraid of him
>and couldn't do shit

>during last year
>Megaphone managed to get elected in all the delegate stuff he could
>our class, the boarding school part, student council, and by other class delegates to hold some kind of permanence
>he now has responsibilities
>one of them is a room with a big ass printer
>he spends most of his free time printing his balls
>anyway some kid asks him for a service
>he needs copies of some documents for the school
>he is late to give them and needs it done quickly or else he'll have troubles, he is supposed to have done it already
>he asks megaphone to print them for him
>wrongidea.jpg
>the file was quite thick so megaphone managed to put a picture of his balls in the middle of it
>time passes
>we forget about this file, noone has opened it, it was just sitting in the office
>one day this kid is caught behind school smoking pot
>the director open the kid's file
>he finds pictures of a ballsack between medical attestations and insurance documents
>the director calls the parents
>we are sitting outside the office listening to everyone shouting at the kid
>laughing madly
>he had real problems being taken seriously after that and everyone though he was an edgy schizo
>the kid knew it was megaphone but noone would believe him

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>be 16
>urge to kill
>parents divorce
>dad goes crazy
>he buys two cute labradors and a cat
>loves the shit out of them
>talks to them all the time to cope
>talks to them more than me
>he is obsessed
>they are completely untrained, he loves them so much he lets them get away with anything
>clears out my mums old room and uses it as pet room
>pets have bigger bedroom than me
>annoyed as fuck
>wait till all gone to sleep
>dogs are sleeping with dad
>cat is in pet room
>put cat inside plastic bag
>beat cat to death with hammer inside bag
>INSANE THRILL RUSH
>go downstairs
>lure dogs out with toy
>lock one dog in pet room
>take other out to park
>stab it in throat, watching it bleed
>feel so powerful
>go back home, lead other dog out and do same
>leave pulpy cat in dog shit bin
>next day dad has totall breakdown, completely in tears
>then doesn't speak for two days
>attempts suicide
>I go to live with mum
>visit him three months later
>three foot beard, no showers, 7 dogs, at least 10 cats, some strays just come in through window
>kill all of them
>dad kills self

>>552249323
There is a list of small things he always did
>hit his dick on his desk yelling 'WAAAH WAAAH'
>putting his shampoo bottle in his ass and walk around the dormitories asking everyone if they hadn't seen it
>throwing things away really far when he was happy, including other peoples cell phones

>>552249323
you actually know thi guy or just have the stories?

>>552250218
You need to be put in a psych ward

>>552250218
i understand the shock value but anyone with a true urge to kill would kill your dad not kill a cat pussy

>>552250929
I knew him, he was one of my best buddies in high school
I'll look if I don't have a pic on my computer

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>>552247341

>>552251330
Didn't want to go to jail.
>dad kills self
Objective achieved anyway.

I almost teasing a girl to the point of her raping me.

not THAT interesting, but hey, I thought I'd let that out there.

>>552251908
that awkward moment when killing animals is still illegal

>>552251916
Tell it all anon

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>>552251378
here we go, we were 16

>>552251916
tell us the whole story?

>>552252440
he looks like he would be loud

>>552252317
And yet lower risk because still not murder.
feelsgoodman.png

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ahem

Anyone got the story about the beta faggot who lost his gf to some kind of pedophile? They were making out right in front of him too or something.

>>552253560
Shameless bump for this

>>552250942
probably

>>552252396
>Moved out of town a few months ago
>Decide I'd start talking to a qt high school friend.
>we're talking a lot over the phone and texting.
>Going back to my hometown, where she also lives
>We have a little date, just walking around town, talking, and later, making out.
>She has to work in the morning, so she goes to sleep and I to a party I was supposed to go.
>She works all day the next day, so I just spend the day with my friends.
>The day after, I'm just spending the whole day with her.
>Go met her at her place. we go eat somewhere and then comes back. that's when she tells me she's on her periods, so we won't have sex
>Alright.
>She, however, proceeds to start teasing me.
>I tell her it's a bad idea, because that little game goes both way
>She doesn't listen, so the game is on
>We're just making out for 3 hours, I'm just kissing her neck and sucking on her breast, stops, and then start again.
>At one point, I'm just laying on my back and she's sitting on top of me, playing on my cellphone.
>I'm just running my hand all round her tights and starts rubbing her inner thights under her skirt
>I've never been someone so focused on a fucking cellphone in my life.
>Ì just keep going, just running my fingers around her pussy.
>She's just blurts out that I'm lucky she's got a tampon because I'd be fucking soaked right now.
>Keep going
>She tells me to stop, or else she's going to rape me.
>At that point, I knew I've did my job, so I stopped and went back to neckingé

>>552253173i did research just now and plead guilty and 3 years fora dog so you killed quite a few where as a murder of a human would give you only 20. and you dont kill people you know kill some jogger at night. and you felt resentment cause your dad favored the animals over you but maybe it was your fault or his not the animals "you" punished

>>552250218
bullshit

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Fresh OC from our comrades at /pol/

>>552254195
Like a fucking gangster in the night

>>552254865
By the way, that was like, 2 days ago

I've hit jackpot on that one.

>be taking a shower
>wash ass with shower head
>little spray of hot water shoots up my hole
>feelsgoodman
>do it some more
>couple of wet farty bubbles squeak out
>get hard
>push shower head up my ass and spray boiling water on prostate
>balls starting to twitch
>suddenly I'm ejaculating semen and diarrhea
>boiling diarrhea shooting from my mouth and nose
>bathroom flooded with septic half-digested food and semen
>sister comes in, starts writhing on the floor massaging stinking semen mix into her vagina
>don't you ever knock?
>she starts giving birth to puppies
>every puppy has my face

>be 15 years old
>on school trip to a fucking zoo
>animals and so forth
>go in elephant house
>oh god it smells so fucking bad
>stench of elephant shit is burning the back of my throat
>feel something grab my waist
>elephant picks me up with its trunk
>srsly wtf
>forces me up another elephant's vagina
>for no good reason I get naked
>walking round inside elephant's womb
>holy shit my sister is in here too
>suddenly everything starts shaking
>look out of hole in cervix, see huge elephant penis thrusting in and out
>we both reach down elephant pee hole and massage it from inside
>feelsgoodman
>it's throbbing and pulsing
>hot steaming semen starts to erupt over our arms, flooding our womb prison
>I punch my sister in the tits for a laugh
>she is so turned on
>massaging elephant cum into each other while I punch her tits and kick her in the cunt
>we're still in there
>zookeepers push sandwiches up elephant's cunt for us
>we have wireless internet in here

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>Long-term gf broke up with me
>At coffee shop trying to think about how to get my shit together
>Notice cute girl has been looking at me
>Smile at her and wave
>Go back to staring at my coffee
>Look up to see her sitting at my table
>She asks me what's wrong
>A bit reluctant but tell her anyway
>She was recently dumped too
>Accidentally stare at her cleavage as she's talking
>Start to get hard
>Feel her hand run up my leg
>See her starting to breathe a bit harder
>She asks if I like what I see
>I guide her hand to my zipper
>She unzips my fanny pack instead
>Spaghetti falls out everywhere
>Take off my socks and try to clean it up
>Start to cry
>Get embarrassed and fart watery diarrhea all over my man skirt
>Smear shit all over coffee shop windows
>Ask her to marry me
>Mfw she says no

>>552254250
dad was a weak faggot as you can probably tell. no wonder my mum divorced him. I didn't hate him enough to kill him I just wanted to fuck with him but whatever. animals are disposable.

>be 15
>horny as fuck
>at home, chilling where i always am
>have a 10/10 gf
>shes my friend but we hang a lot
>she comes in, locks the door
>looks in the mirror, adjusts hair
>ohyes.jpg
>she drops her pants to the floor
>takes off panties
>im wet af
>she comes towards me, sits on my lap
>gets comfortable
>i cant talk
>she starts tensing up
>she shits all over me
>i realize i am a toilet

>be me
>sharing a house with 7.5/10 chick
>just good friends, guess she needs a bit of company sometimes
>be last week
>spend morning walking round town with her
>burning hot day
>get home
>sat in lounge with her
>she starts stroking back of my neck
>ok, this is nice
>suddenly her nose wrinkles
>"ok, I think one of us needs to take a shower"
>next thing I'm in the bathroom with her
>she's running the shower head all over me
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>ohmyboners.png
>she doesn't stop
>suddenly I'm on her
>humping her from behind
>oopswronghole.bmp
>I last about 10 seconds
>we're both exhausted and panting
>try to pull out
>it's stuck in there
>takes a vetenarian to get it out
>next week he's going to castrate me
>I am dog

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> one morning
> woke up in gfs bed
> she's snuggled up to my side
> chuck Norris infomercial playing on the tv
> no idea how I got there
> one of the best moments of my life

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>girl i knew for 5 years since school
>start to go round hers nearly everyday
>get high, drunk but never much else
>one night go clubbing with her
>kissing her all night
>feel like its gonna be the day
>leave her to go buy us both a drink
>she starts talking to one of my friends
>leaves with him without saying anything
>fuck
>whatever find some people i know at club
>next morning my friends brother text me
>says he couldnt sleep last night cause all he heard were them two fucking

3 months wasted, i literally tried for 3 months

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>fucking random girl I met in bar
>blond hair, white dress
>she tells me to put it in her ass
>fucking her good
>"I'm gonna cum!!!"
>she turns her head, looks at me
>it's Jesus

>be 13
>Have huge crush on girl for a year
>Sit near her all the time
>When i make jokes, she always laughs
>One day I take her to this spot on campus at lunch
>Touch her boob
>She takes her shirt off
>I take my pants off
>she sucks my dick
>i start fucking her while she blows me
>I came in her pussy and her mouth at the same time man

>I JUST SHAVED MY BUTT HOLE AND NOW IT'S BLEEDING. THERE WAS TOO MUCH HAIR IN MY BUTT AND IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING UP THERE. I WAS SICK OF ADJUSTING IT EVER FEW MINUTES. SHAVING IT WAS FINE UNTIL THE END WHEN I NOTICED IT WAS BLEEDING IN THAT STRETCH OF SKIN WHERE MY ASS MET MY DICK. WHEN I SEEN BLOOD ON THE RAZOR I FREAKED. THEN I PUT A WASHCLOTH UP THERE THAT IS NOW SOAKED WITH BLOOD AND SHIT. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SHAVE YOUR ASS.

>Didnt know sister was home
>In kitchen naked
>Sister comes in
>Im so shocked i just freeze
>Sister looks at my wood
>"I want to taste you"
>Im as hard as a rock with big meaty balls
>I lay down
>She puts her feet on my legs
>crouches over me
>No lube around
>Pours warm water on my dick
>Suddenly im soft WHAT THE FUCK
>She says its ok
>Starts sucking on my limp noodle cock
>Slurping it all sloppy like
>Trying to get me hard
>Dog walks into kitchen enticed by smell
>Starts sniffing my feet
>Starts whining
>Sister lets dog lick my right ball
>Feelsgoodman
>Suddenly i cum
>HOW DID I CUM?I WAS SOFT
>Cum everywhere
>All over my balls, my dog, my sisters legs
>OH SHIT OH SHIT MY CUM IS RED
>Dog bites off my left nut
>Sister bites off my cock
>Sister sticks fork in right ball
>Feelsgreatman
>Something isnt right
>Cum smells like tomato
>My penis is spaghetti
>I am a table

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>>552247341
this one makes me kek out of my pants

>Be 12, living with abusive uncle and auntie
>We lived on an old farm, no animals, just fields
>My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse
>Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion
>Auntie loves it for some reason, 'cause it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit fucked up like that.
>I, being a countryside fag, liked horses and riding them
>Then they turned on me saying "If we ever catch you riding our fucking horse, we will beat the living shit out of you"
>They meant it, they'd done it before
>Few days later, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found
>Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me
>Auntie and Uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse
>Get bored and climb inside the tire
>tire starts moving (The field wasn't flat)
>Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me
>They see me rollin'
>They hatin'
>Patrolling
>Trying to catch me riding Dirty

>>552255603
If I ever meet you, I will kill you. You understand the horrid phrase "to the pain", right?

>>552256585
Dafuq

>be me
>be 10
>be in 5th grade
>teacher gave us bottles of shit like toothpaste and soap and stuff
>tells us to squeeze it all out
>fuckyeah.png
>sciencebitch.jpg
>"Now, try and shove it all back in the container"
>some tried
>confused.tiff
>give up
>"In the moment you ware doing that, you didn't realize the mess you were making. You realize it's impossible to put it all back in. Remember this for the rest of your lives, it comes to the words that come out of your mouth."
>yeah ok whatever lady.wav
>somehow still think of it and now posting it to /b/