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self-cringe thread
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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self-cringe thread

Shit that you did that still makes you cringe to this day when you think about it. Nothing good came of it. You will be embarrassed forever.
I'll start.

>Live in apartment with best friend
>Female neighbors are hot as fuck
>Middle of winter
>Ice and snow everywhere because my latitude defines my attitude
>Decide to be nice and use the salt I just bought to salt the walk in front of both of our doors
>pour way too much
>Snow and ice melt and all that's left are big, slimy white piles of that shitty sidewalk salt mixture right in front of their door
>I have to fix this
>Don't have a shovel so go out with broom and dustpan
>Doesn't work at all
>Smearing it all over the walk
>Decide to use my hands to scoop it up
>As if I was in a nightmare...
>Door opens
>Hot female neighbor: the wannabe cowgirl standing there staring at me
>crouching down like Smeagol with my hands covered in white slime
>She just smiles awkwardly and walks around me and drives away.
>I finish cleaning up my mess and go inside
>Avoid her until she moves out

Just trying to be nice...
oh man just shouldve told her you tried to be a good neighbor, didnt go as planned. i got some self cringe stuff but i cant seem to recall much right now
The only words that came to my head were, "Just trying to be nice" and I knew that sounded stupid so I just said "Sorry".
>be me
>be me
>junior year of highschool
>girl who promised to take my virginity broke up with me a few weeks ago. lets call her jane
>fuck some other girl whos been wanting the big italian sausage
>tell jane that the other girl i lost it to told me i got the biggest dick she ever had
>act like a bigshot whenever i see jane
>call jane one day after school
>just joking with ya, but she calls me innocent
>says im wearing your favorite color panties
>i ask what color
>jane says red
>dares me to come over
>long story short, i go there and bang the fuck out of here
>texts later that night
>i ask how good was it
>she responds, did you hear me?
>hear you say what?

realized she was referring to her moaning. never fucked me again
what has always helped me:
be playful with it. be comfortable no matter how fucking awkward it feels.
thats not even that bad. i mean, kind of oblivious, but to never fuck you again because of that? what a dumb bitch.

unless youre saying that she wasnt moaning at all because you sucked, but i dont think thats what youre saying.
Normally I'm fine. Every once in a while though, you just get that brain fart and the spaghetti flows
>be me
>beta fag in middle school
>an 8/10 qt3.14 girl starts talking to me one day on and off
>by this point all I've done is barely made small talk and avoid eye contact
> she sits next to me during lunch one day
>she takes my phone and puts her number in it.
> never text her.
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>Freshman in college
>Social retard
>Like this girl in my building
>I'm awkward as fuck
>Got high late at night and my friends convince me to ask her out
>I text her "Hey I need to talk to you about something"
>"What do we need to talk about"
>"A conversation" (high af)
>See her in library next day
>Pussy out mad hard and sit at nearby table
>She comes over, "Hey, you wanted to talk?"
>I follow her to her table
>Sit down, mind goes completely blank
>Completely paralyzed by fear and autism
>I fucking put my fucking goddamn head down on the table for literally like 3 minutes
>Can't even mutter words I'm so nervous
>She says "I think I know what you wanted to talk to me about"
>Finally just tell her I like her


Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, the library was crowded too; thinking about all the people that saw/heard that makes me want to transfer schools.
>Accepted to french kiss the girl i'm in love with when she was obviously drunk, even if she just kissed a friend of ours like 1 minute before.

God I'm so worthless.
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My old newgrounds account. Enough said.

beyond fixable
>was batshit insane stereotypical beta
>still cringe everytime i think about basically everything i said
for example
>one day, my big bro decides might as well get me "married" to my girl neighbor i was friends with
>ran away around the house like "fuck that she's got cooties", she chased
>french kissed, was first kiss
>later get her to hate me by screaming shit out the bus window (school started and she was on my bus)
>screamed "the guy in seat 11 wants to fuck you in the ass", but she probably heard "fuck you in the ass" only
still cringe alot thinking about how we could've been fuckbuddies later
this had better not be the end of that story... that's not even cringe-worthy. It's just you not texting someone and trying to brag to us that women find you attractive
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nah she was pretty loud. i completely misunderstood her texts. turns out the next day she got a boyfriend. theyve been together until this day and i even go to hang out with the both of them. almost fucked her again before i left for college but she didnt want to fuck her relationship up. i wouldnt fuck it up myself either, they got a good thing going on.

oh god my social life used to be spaghetti-free now its 50-50
>It's mother's/ b-day party.
>aunt invites cute friends over.
>we have a party for my grandmother.
>was a birthday party/ mothers day thingy.
>I go running up the stairs not thinking clearly.
>trip while running up the stairs in front of everyone.

I still think about it and it makes me cringe.
first time people have laughed at me.
Are you ok anon? yeah I'm fine.
Why would you put yourself in that situation? That was bound to end terribly.
> freshman year of high school
> friend tells me that a girl likes me
>same qt3.14 from middle school
>he relays messages between us because I'm a beta fag and can't talk to her and don't text her.
>after some relaying he tells her I like her too and we're a couple
>never been more happier in my life. first gf aww yee
0/10 didn't even blush in second hand embarrassment.
Sorry anon, but i completely lost it at smeagol
says 1/3 dipshit, and even if it did end that would be cringeworthy, he was too beta to even fucking text her.
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You should have just told her what happened. You still could have made sex with her.
>Be at strip club
>Getting a dance from a 9/10
>Grinding on my dick Hard
>Start molesting her with my hands
>Get horned up cuz I'm a beta virgin
>My dick is so hard it feels like it's infused with latex
>She still grinding me
>Oh sweet jeezusq no
>I can feel the sensation coming
>5 seconds to lift off
>Its Pompeii in my pants
>She continues grinding me
>15 seconds later she stands up and yells : OMG DID YOU PISS?
>Me blank stare
>"OMG did you kiss or cum tell me"?
>Oh well, tell her I came and I'm sorry
> She continues to grind me and says "Your too excited eh?"

After that I got up and ran outside. When I got home I had a massive wet spot in my jeans.fml
im trying to remember the things i said, all i can remember is the situation

>be me
>be in middle school
>first kiss from girlfriend on first day we got together
>happy as fuck
>everyone laughs behind my back because new gf is a cutter
>angsty tween years
>next day
>see her in halls before classes start
>hug and a kiss
>girl who tormented me my whole life speaks up
>'you put your hand lower on her back, you hug her like youre hugging a dude'
>stutter and try to not spaghetti
>fuck you
>everyones smirking at me

apparently everyone had dating experience before middle school

i usually dont say anything because i know i might say something stupid as shit even though most likely it will be friendly small talk. im too uptight nowadays. in college and havent gotten laid since admission
>8th grade, I'm a total weirdo
>Was in honors English, the only place where I could let loose.
>A bit of a 'class clown', you see.
>Teacher was also super hot, but I digress
>Sorta weird pretty fine girl sits in front of me.
>Always turns around and talks to me or looks at my drawings and shit. I had doodles for days.
>One day she takes my hand and writes her name on it, enclosed in a heart.
>Super psyched, still didn't even think to do anything about it.
>Nothing happened, she ended up 'dating' some other guy who was basically me.

I still think about how I probably could have had her. I used to tell Smarterchild how much I wanted to bang her back in the day. That in itself is some serious self-cringe shit. Jesus.
pretty sure the guy's just trolling and we both fell for it. check out the rest of his posts.

He's trying to do what all cringe story threads turn into. A self-serving bunch of narcissists who start telling stories about how they were cringing so hard about a time that a girl liked them or a girl had sex with them or some other bull shit.

I take it this happened a few weeks ago.

Fucking summer
>be me
>year 11 beta
>at some peer support thing kids did to help new kids get introduced to high school etc
>One exercise with the other peer support leaders was go around and write on someone else's paper something nice about them
>suggestions on the board such as 'talented', 'fun' and other bullshit
>walking around doing random papers, qt crush from music class walks up with a smile
>gestures to swap papers, sure why not?
>holding myself back from freaking out
>clock ticks so loud, no idea what to write, nearly hyperventilating
>look at the board; worst decision of my life
>write 'responsible' on the paper, hand it to her
>take mine back
>'So kind, great at guitar'
>die inside, who writes SO kind without some sort of meaning?
>forever thinks she thinks I'm uninterested in her
>A year later, cringe every time that moment pops into my head

I don't even..
oh man you shouldve sealed the deal
>in highschool
>hang with friends at lunch
>a girl starts sitting with us
>time passes and she gets used to me
>on day she sits by me at lunch
>when all of a sudden sh rest her head on my shoulders
>I turn around and say "ur sleepy'?
>she groans while saying yea

I still look back at that day, It was a good feeling and i messed it up never saw or heard of that girl ever again

i got another story too
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DOH fuck,do I have a cringey story.

>5th grade
>new kid who had been home-schooled all his life is enrolled in the class
>tells us all about the wonders of always staying home
>decide I want to be home-schooled too
>that night, my dad is helping with homework
>"I want to be home-schooled."
>I blurt out, "my teacher abuses us"
>He gets upset and waits for the next day to talk to the principal
>full blown investigation on the teacher
>she pulls me out of class one day and confronts this big ass lie of mine
>i have to admit to my dad and the administration that I was lying to get home-schooled
>everyone hates me
>Worst of all, I didn't get to be home-schooled
>be me
>typical middle school scenefag
>have crush on mexican emo fag
>friend tells him i like him
>same friend tells me to write him a note
>write "hey sexy boi"
>see him later
>ask him if he got note
>shoves his head in his locker
>never talk to him again
this shouldnt have been cringe, but you made it cringe, you realize that? if that happened to me i wouldve just laughed at myself along with everyone, maybe made a joke, and then went on my way. you done fucked up, nigger.
were you writing with spaghetti sauce?
lol, you sounded like a boring robot.
goddammit, youre right.
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>Be me few years back
>8th grade in middle school
>Have shitty easy science class, decide to go up to advanced biology
>Found out I have best friend in that class and a few other bros
>Me and best friend sit together next semester
>Find out the majority of the girls sit behind us(take mind that each row of desks only had 4 desk going in a line basically and me and my friend sat in the 2 on the left)
>Sit like this for the rest of the year and me and best friend constantly hear the girls conversations
>Always talking about guys they like and shit
>One day after class(it was my last class for the day) after everyone has left 2 of them are still there and they call out my name as im about to leave
>Think to myself "One of them is gonna ask me out, shit"
>See teacher is still there out of the corner of my eye and she gives me a mischievous grin knowing whats going on
>Me being beta I decide to leave as quickly as I can and pretend it never happened
>Go to friends locker to walk home with him(locker is right in front of clas)
>Girls walk out giving me disappointed looks
>Mfw was too scared to be asked out in front of teacher

One the girls was a 9/10 that was tall and had an amazing ass, found out friend actually liked one of the and tried asking her out but they didn't like him

>still in highschool
>In PE with friend chilling on a rolled up mat
>girls PE has class with us that day
>hot mexican girl sits by me
>I was listening to some gangsta music
>she turns around and says is that lil bing?
>i told her yes
>me homie then turns and says why you all sweaty
>feel spaghetti falling from my pants
>hot mexican leaves to talk with some other bitches
>Feel so embarrased
>when suddenly a fat black girl who kinda likes me sits near me
>she fuking sat on my leg on accident or purpose im not really sure to this day
>my homie is laughing his ass off
>i try my best to get her off me and leave

What is it like knowing you're pathetic and can't conquer something as simple as nerves?

Spergy cunt
>be at skating rink
>13 or younger at the time
>skate for a while then sit down
>girl followed me
>sits on my lap
>kisses me once, I do nothing
>kisses me again, I kiss her back
>we go to bathroom
>she wants to make out
>first time
>she was meh at it
>continue to skate until closing
>at closing, waiting outside for ride
>she kisses me again
>ride arrives
>go to leave
>"I love you"
>girl stops dead in her tracks
>contemplates what I said
>just stands there in awe
>turn around and get in truck
Connect your posts you dumb cunt.
probably a newfag for asking but what is spaghetti?
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>USMC contract up
>medically retire because of my back, PTSD, and TBI
>get fat
>feel like ass when /fit is brought up

I seriously don't know anything more cringe worthy than me. Any prior military from across the world knows how I feel. I'm feeling useless now that I'm on disability. I should be protecting my country (at least as far as I know...) before I'm stuck on VA care.

Any prior service knows my pain. I'd shake the hands of the Taliban I've fought against if they could get safe passage here. Fuck man, I'm fat, my enemies are still fighting,and all I want is peace. Like my Korean vets before me, I'd welcome anyone into my home. We all deserve peace. Unfortunately the USA is still the largest threat to anyone's freedom. I wish we could have just said FUCK THE FED RESERVE and keep up the scheme we had before.

>mfw I helped my Zionist overlords
>mfw this isn't even enough to explain my dissatisfaction
Hm. Vincent van Gogh Fuck Myself? Survey SAYS?!
ive had some terrible encounters with awkward situations. I just try to roll with the punches and act like "haha im just being an idiot" when really im thinking "wtf did i just say"

>this girl has been coming over for afew days with her boyfriend to my apartment
>dude is an idiot, shes more than likely dating him for free weed
>he takes afew pills too many and passes out hard
>after the second day of drinking, it is now night time and this female is in my apt
>shes been giving me the eyes for a while now
>her bf is down for the count
>very far from smooth, i usher her into my room
>somehow manage to drunk talk her into my bed
>okay, its probably because shes a slut, but my feelings like to think it was all me
>we start to get hot and heavy
>slide the wiener in
>and i rip ass way louder than i expected
>look at her dead in the eyes
>"uh, ha, uh, that was Leroy (my lizard) I swear
>she replies, "its just a natural bodily function"
>boner lost
when the smell hit me, i couldnt stop laughing, and i flipped her over and just told her to stay down for her own wellbeing

somehow, i banged her the next week. thats not the strangest thing to ever happen durring sex for me either. i made a rape joke once around one of THOSE girls, and that got interesting for sure
It's hard to explain. Maybe it's the feeling of knowing you fucked up and everyone knows it. That's probably the best way of describing it.
vincent is a faggot.
Mobile, no greentext

Be line cook
Making veg of the day at prep
Cream corn
Tasting said corn
Shits delicious
Waitress walks in through kitchen to clock in
Smiles and waves like normal humans do
Dat ass
"Hi anon"
I just state at her blankly
"C... Cream corn?"
She gets awkward and leaves
Yeah, I need to stop drinking.

Comments are welcome, but I probably can't comment in return before I either pass out or the thread is pruned.
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another story

>im probably 15 or something
>im with family at kemah boardwalk
>we were leaving to go home
>i suddenly get stopped by a random hot girl
>she tells me she has a bet with a friend about how many phone numbers she can get that day
>asks for my phone number
>mfw i dont have a cell phone
>mfw im standing there not saying a word
>mfw my younger cousin comes and tell her to leave me alone
>see girls face all confused
>i walk away with younger cousin
>fuck yeah we're going out >feelsgoodman
>never hang out with her. Not even during school
>the most we do is hug
> one day she comes to where I sit with my friends and hugs me from behind.
> it felt so fucking good /b/
> at the time I acted all awkward and slowly unraveled her cluch.
>all we did was text and talk on the phone
>I even tell her I love her.
>this shit goes on for a month
>one day get a text
>" I don't like you anymore"
>depressed for 18 months
four years ago and I still hate myself so much /b/. missed out on the girl of my dreams and probably the only chance I'll have with one.
It is like when you walk into a bar. You meet a cute girl and wants to buy her a drink.
When you pull your wallet out all of the spaghetti just lands on the floor. So you go home and never go out again.
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Alright /b/ give us a break here
>only been on 4chan for a few months i really like /x/ board and /b/ is funny sometimes
But help me out here what is the meaning of spaghetti in the pockets??
Why are you idiots putting spaghetti in your pants in the first place?!?
When you're awkward as fuck around the opposite sex. Correlated with "feeling like spaghetti" when you're nervous. Lurk moar, or go to urban dictionary, newfag.
>at work
>lunch break. sitting on the wall outside eating
>girl I like comes out and sits with me
>"Hey you're pretty quiet sometimes haha"
>here I go.jpg
>"Only around beautiful girls!"
>more silence
>what the fuck did I just do.
>Be me
>Wake up super early (bout 5:00 am) for a Rubik's Cube competition
>Take shower
>I step out and just immediately star solving all my cubes
>neighbors have hangover
>vomiting their entire organs
>I'm still naked
>while vomiting, one of them starts blasting shitty rap from his shitty truck
>Not again
>I've got Rubik's Rage up in this bitch
>Run outside with undies on and cube in hand
>Go to their driveway
>slip in vomit
>Vom on my dick
>broken cube
>Pick up the pieces of both my cube and my life while being yelled at in spanish
>Casually walk home
>Cubes flying out of my pockets at mach 10
>Never show my face out there again.

Thankfully I moved.

this made me kek for some reason
It started a while back, there was an awkward greentext story, for some reason there was a guy with spaghetti in his pockets. Awkward situation ensues, guy falls, spaghetti falls from his pockets. So now handling social interactions in an awkward way = spaghetti falling from your pockets.
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> big italian sausage
You're obviously ugly or something, anyone could have pulled some poon for saying that as long as it was said confidently.
>with friend and his friends
>high as fuck
>see a school
>think it's our old high school
>remember the days when he and I were just getting to know each other
>used to skip school errday and steal shit from Ace Hardware for shits and gigled (we took so many gloves and knives from that place for no reason and now that I think about it, if anyone had searched out lockers they would have thought we were serial killers)
>I says to 'im, I says
>That was probably my favorite exit to leave out of
>That one, right there, right near the front office
>"That's a different school"

It doesn't bother me all that much. I know I looked like some poser faggot trying to be edgy and shit in front of a couple people I didn't know, but I'm not, it just bugged me that that was one of the first impressions of me given off to a few people around whom I'd be spending more time
>Few months into sixth grade
>Be densest fucking idiot ever
>Sitting in bus on the way home
>Girl from class sits next to me
>widely thought of as one of the hottest in my grade
>Plenty of other seats
>She puts tons of effort into getting me to talk
> I tell myself she's just fucking with me
>happens every time I ride the bus for the next year
>Goes on all the way to eighth grade
> Freshman year everyone asks why I never went out with her
>Apparently it was widely known she was into me
>Situation replays with different girls constantly throughout high school

So much of a beta that I destroyed every opportunity that was literally thrown at me until I graduated. Now I'm a pissed of 19 year old virgin who's only ever had one girlfriend back when I was 13.
>in high school
>in a class where students sit at tables rather than desks
>sitting at a table with this chick I like, we talk a lot
>one day I playfully pretend to bite her hand
>she says "what if I jacked somebody off during lunch"
>sit there for like a solid minute with my teeth clenched on her hand slobbering everywhere while I'm frozen in spaghetti stasis
>eventually let go, her entire hand is covered in drool and she looks disgusted as she wipes it off on her pant leg
>she stopped talking to me after that and eventually moved to a different table

And another

>my region had this thing called a curriculum contest where all the schools from a big ass area would send students to a local university to take tests for certain subjects, and there were dozens of subjects so each school would send like 50 kids the teachers had picked out
>anyway, back then I had long hair because edgy teenage faggot, and I worked out a lot so I guess I looked pretty good even though I had low self esteem
>I seriously had at least 10 chicks from other schools say "hi" to me and try to start a conversation with me and I would panic because lol no social skills
>so I'd just say "hey" and walk away. Ended up spending most of the day in the library.
First attempt greentext, usually just lurk. But yeah the moment haunts me.
>be me 5 hours ago
>girl i know comes over drinking
>invites one of her co-worker guy friends
>3 of us jus chillin watching netflix drinkin beer till roomate gets home
>girl eventually wants to leave, but wont drive drunk
>give her ride
>her guy friend still over
>drank way to fast
>now hes passed out on my toilet face first
not really a self cringe... but damn im laying in bed and can hear this dude snoring on toilet next to my room
I'm not ugly, she just wasn't interested in me, as I found out later. I do wonder if she even heard me though, there were others around too, talking and such so hopefully she was just distracted.
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Be me
>walk around pretending i'm Daniel Plainview
>girls flirt with me
>now how to get their number...
>Daniel Plainview acts like an asshole
>girls like assholes
>tfw i'm not Daniel Plainview

Im not good with women
this is the gayist shit i've ever read. gratz
>brings girl home
>keeps man around
>kek faggot
>Be me in middle school
>Was home schooled so had no social experience ever
>8th grade
>Girl walks up to me and starts talking to me
>Start sweating a lot
>Girl asks if I'm okay
>Walk out the school doors and never show up to school again
7/10 even though I'm pretty sure you're trolling, I'm still a bit rustled
Who cares what you do when you are 11 years old?
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>wake up super early for Rubik's Cube competition
thanks, I must be dyslexic or something because I can't see the "then I went home and fucked a bunch of dudes" but you know, whatever.
>depressed for 18 months
I kek'd
your dignity. When you're so fucking awkward that you lose all your dignity in front of others and go home and contemplate suicide every time you remember
Das Houston doe
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>Be me
>Slightly over weight in high school
>Gym class requires students to take swimming or no grad
>Super ill and ready to make a steaming volcanic eruption in my pants
>Stalls were broken
>God dammit
>Didn't have to go that bad so I decide to wait after swimming
>Manage to keep the lock on the shit valves
>Showering off chlorine
>Muscular douche conoe jock next to me
>stomach rumbles
>Jock: Anon, you look like your keel over, fatty
>Clench cheeks and prey everything will be fine
>Can't hold it anymore and he's just looking at me
>Shit EXPLODES from my ass and through every open crease of my trunks
>Doesn't end there
>People screaming and laughing at me
>Walk out of shower
>Door behing me opens
>Swim intructer (2/10Female) yells "oh lord"
>Turn around
>The moment you've all been waiting for
>3 REALLY attractive girls walk by the door
>They see anon and the not so amazing chocolate factory
>2 of the 3 girls were in my next 2 classes
>Everyone looked at me
>High School
Someone posted a weird story a while back about putting spaghetti in their fanny pack and then being around a girl and unzipping it and spaghetti falling out and it became more popular, so "spaghetti" became a shorthand for that general, nebulous feeling of social awkwardness/anxiety after something particularly embarrassing happens

I hope you're fucking joking dude. Man the fuck up and get over it. it's not like you really had something that amazing anyway. Fuck.

i'm so sorry
210 How about you?
>be 2nd grade
>some kind of water thing at school one day
>after water fun sitting on black top with friends in bathing suits
>black top is a slight hill and we're sitting towards the top
>me and friends have to pee
>teacher says we cant go and we have to sit here to dry or some shit
>kids all around us and 3 girls sitting about 10 feet down the hill
>friends say we should all just pee at the same time
>3,2,1 and i piss
>they didnt
>my pee slowly rolls down the hill towards the girls
>one looks back and sees a liquid slowly coming toward her
>follows the trail back to me and screams ewwwww
>everyone laughs and calls me gross
>friends didnt pee. fucking assholes
Jesus christ the gif with that greentext im pissin myself over here top kek
>sees this link
>feels its important
>clicks it
>finds out its about miley cyrus for president
>goes to bed
>cries myself to sleep on its beauty.
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Noice. Why the fuck you up so late? I'm waiting until BB's Donuts opens in two hours.
Holy shit.
This guy is right.

That is nowhere near to being a spaghetti story, you fucking autist.
> be me at 13
> hanging out with my friend.
> friend has gone outside to do something.
>" I'll be back in 30 min.".jpg
> feeling horny.
> Learning how to masturbate and what gets me off.
> wrote a dirty little piece of erotica featuring someone i knew and faped too it.
> mom calls me downstairs to do the dishes .
> mfw when I came for the first time.
> do dishes quickly
> come back to my room to find my friend sitting on the couch reading the erotica I left open and visible on my PC.
> neither of us has talked about it since, but I cringe every time I think that they probably know my fetishes.
I'm sorry I didn't meet your rigorous criteria?
Lol'd hard
Year 11 in the UK is about 15/16 years old.

I dont even know i was just chilling reading some listverse when i decided to browse /b/ and i saw this thread and decided to post some stories ha
>be me
>near the end of freshman year and had girlfriend of 6 months
>she's really into kinky shit and always want to fuck
>she comes over one day and ask to give me a bj
>horny as fuck say "hell yes"
>she begins blowing me
>I notice my door is still open
>mfw my fucking sister is fucking watching us
>girl starts freaking the fuck out
>she leaves
>we never talk again
>family finds out and i'm questioned and no one ever lets it go
>still get shit for it today
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>If I made eye contact they would turn their faces and giggle
>Went on for the rest of the semester
>Never spoke to much people from that school since then

It's more of a Fml story than it is a cringe, but I do cringe over the fact that I was too embarresses to use public restrooms. especially if I have explosive diarrhea. Could've gone before class started. Fucked over everything in my highschool days on that one day.. I get chills everytime I think of that day.
>gets shit for getting a gobby
>actually gives a fuck
When I was a kid I ate a ball of dental floss, shit it out, and thought it was worms. In reaction I told my dad who went out of his way to make sure and tell every last person I ever fucking met until the day that fat old fuck died.
>be 8th grade now
>played in a creek the day before with friends and my shoes got soaked
>next day shoes were dry so I wore them to school
>first period I walk in and sit down
>10 minutes into class people all around me start asking "what the fuck is that smell"
>it hits me dried creek water shoes smelled like I ate a shit and puked it into my shoes
>they all realize the smell is coming from me. everyone is staring
>teacher makes me go to the office to see if they can help with the smell
>go to office and they cover my shoes with baby powder hoping it will help and send me back to class
>didnt help shoes now smell like putrid ass and baby powder
>everyone hates me the rest of the day
post the story, fagget.
> be in college
> find out old qt girl in high schools works local coffee shop
> she really had a thing for me in high school, was involved with someone else though
> so i go couple times a week to have coffee with her on break
> start to bust an Einstein line on her

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”

> tfw stopped myself before finishing line
> realized school more important than girl
> get high paying job, awesome career
> balls deep in bitches now
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>be me
>look on craigslist for girl to fuck
>lie about my age
>find one
>solid 6/10
>contact her
>we meet
>she looks better in person
>not bad.jpeg
>we drive to a hotel
>she pays
>meet her in room
>she heads to the bathroom to freshen up
>comes out in lingerie
>i undress her
>she takes off my pants
>rubs my dick
>i take her lingerie off
>she lays me down
>starts blowing me
>climbs on top of me and kisses me
>"anon, i have a few kinks, i need to tell you about"
>"do tell"
>kisses me again and whispers into my ear
>"You might think it's crazy, but I don't even care"
>"but there is no denying"
>"That it's hip to be square"
If you were "super ill" why didn't you just bust some dope rhymes about it an alleviate the awkwardness?
8/10 wasn't long enough to be a great one but I snorted a little
1. What do you think?
2. It wasn't even a good story.
I lost....

... oh no wait
>used to hold lectures to my grandma about WoW lore
>I would get really heated up and even make powerpoint presentations for her
>I once used an umbrella to show her how Arthas stabbed his father to succeed him
>every time I made her repeat everything to make sure she listened
>I was 24
1) I...don't really have an opinion on the subject? I feel like if the most awkward experience I've had in recent memory was deemed unfit to be told as an awkward story, life's brety gud
2) Agreed.
Because, Im a massive fucking beta and no chance in hell to ever "Bust a rhyme"
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Penis Inspection Day
>Be 10
>playing pokemon on shitter before school
>Bus comes outside
>I still havent wiped
>Mom yells I have to go
>Have horrible poison ivy on crotch
>Pour a bunch of cream on my penis, put on my pants and run to the bus
>Girl I like sits next to me
>asks me if ive ever been kissed
>I take out my gameboy
>She starts whispering in my ear
>I start sweating
>I look down
>The cream is seeping through my jeans, making it look like i cummed
>She notices
>I notice
>I open my fannie pack to grab some kleenexes
>My sphagetti falls out all over
>I start sweating more
>Realize i forgot to wipe my ass
>The entire bus smells like shit and sphagetti
>bus gets to school
>Try and run to bathroom
>teacher catches me
>its penis inspection day
>my name is alan aardvark
>I have to go first
>Nurse demands For me to take off my pants
>I refuse
>She wrestles me down, and gets a magnifying glass real close to my crotch
>close my eyes and scream the guile theme at the top of my lungs
>She unzips my pants, the smell of sphagetti, cream and shit leaks out
>she pukes on my dick
>I get expelled
I do
>decide to get high with friends
>now teenage years
>find old cassette tapes of friends recording each other
>i have faggiest voice
>say the faggiest shit
>tape gets stolen
>makes it's rounds
>be 30 and still known for it
>hate my recorded voice to this day
lol why no just use a bag?
people that stupid ?

next time use a snow shovel to impress women with your physical strength and usefulness.
>be 14
>total beta fag
>night before first day of highschool
>everything is planned out, backpack, dual disk, gameboy
>next morning, start day off with dinsaur oatmeal
>bus comes, didn't finish oatmeal, fuck.
>shove that shit in my pokeball keychain, head out the door
>sits down on bus, hot senior cheerleader next to me
>she looks over in horror, shit.
>she smells my oatmell, what if she tries to take some?
>can't let that happen
>slap that bitch in the face
>she's moist at my act of alphaness
>starts sucking my man meat
>bus starts to notice
>they start cheering us "go anon!"
>getting sweaty
>about to cum
>bus speeding up, bus driver cheering too
>bus hits bump right as I'm about to finish
>I want it that way by backstreet boys playing in background
>oh shit
>arrive at school
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur
Pls don't be reel
What the fuck is wrong with you?
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It's a terrible thing when

>I once used an umbrella to show how Arthas stabbed his father to succeed him

is the sentence that makes the most sense
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holy shit that's fucking hilarious.
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Oh jesus

>be me
>33 years old
>weekend I saw something at Local Pistol & Pawn Shop
>The occasion was my 15 year marriage anniversary
>was looking for a little something extra for my wife
>Found a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
>bought it, took it home
>loaded two AAA batteries in the thing.
>found out that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time
>a blue arc of electricity would dart back and forth between the prongs.
>Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave are from.
>so I was home alone with this new toy
>thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
>there I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
>while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target
>I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie >then thought better of it.
>She is such a sweet cat and she'd probably never be the same afterwards.
>if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger
>I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top >reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
>directions in one hand,
>and tazer in another.

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>anticipation intensifies
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>Be me freshman year in high school
>have a class with a solid 8/10 blonde qt3.14
>I do stupid shit from across the room to make her laugh
>everyone fucking hates us because the class is silent except for us
>I had no prior experience with girls because I was fat beta faggot in middle school but now I was atheletic and on the football team
>I didn't understand that I was "flirting" with her
>one day we are watching Romeo and Juliet movie
>we are sitting next to each other
>I'm pretty invested in the movie
>she says "anon, I love you"
>doesn't register at first
>finally register what she said and get nervous as fuck
>"you heard me, I'm not gonna say it again" then she giggles
>"o-oh, ok"

Like a week later:
>start "dating" a 3/10 land whale because I don't know what I'm fucking doing
>blonde girl gets a really good looking boyfriend
>break up with whale in under 3 weeks
>blonde dates her boyfriend for the remainder of the year and I never have a class with her again

Still my biggest regret to this day.
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>in college
>waiting for professor to show up and start class
>playing pokemon on my 3ds
>girl walks over and asks what I'm doing
>tell her playing pokemon
>"isn't that for little kids?"
>"oh well nvm I didn't know that was just a gameboy I thought I could borrow it to check my facebook"
>she walks away
>giggling comes from her corner of the room
>keep face glued to DS and pretend not to notice
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Well hey, My story could be just as true as anyone's here. but I didn't just make that story up. I fucking lived it and have to die my shitty life with that being the most embarrassing moment of my life. (So far)
The "Good friends" I had before the incident are still good friends and we kinda laugh about it now but I have to remember those 3 girls and my Swim instructors facial expressions for the rest of my pathetic existence.
>be in 7th grade
> qt3.14 in my class
> no balls to ask her out in person
> write her a note and fold it up and hand it to her on the way out of class shaking and red from nerves
> my friend tells me the next day before the class that she told her to tell me she said no
> cry all class and angrily stare at qt3.14
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This was last year, grade 11 (in Aus we say year 11)

Another one from highschool. Posted it once before maybe you've seen it.

>history class
>oral exam day, each of us will take turns and go to the front of the class, others will ask questions and the teacher will supervise everything
>teacher asks who wants first
>class is silent
>I raise my hand and say "I will go." heroicly
>I pull my phone out
>teacher asks what I'm doing
>I spend 15 seconds in complete silence looking for my two steps from hell song
>find it and start playing the song
>already nervous because it took me this long to find it
>start walking in slow motion towards the front of the class with shitty two steps from hell song playing on my shitty nokia
>I realise I'm not funny
>I can't stop now
>20 seconds walk of shame while everyone stares at me including the teacher
>I get to the front and stop the music
>face is burning
>I try to laugh but all I can do is grunt and put on the fakest smile ever
>skip school for the next month by walking aimlessly around the city for 5 hours a day
>be me fat and beta, sitting near the fence during gym class at school
>qt comes and sits next to me and starts talking to me.
>2 class mates looking at me from afar and they can't believe that she's hitting on me
>I fcking spaz out, stand up, walk over to them and say " hey guys, wanna do some math homework ?"
>never talk to her again, later hear from some guys that she wanted me...
>mfw 5 years later she's a 10/10 and a fcking model....
>be 15
>drunk and high at older sisters house
>she has people over, my friend is there who lives next door
>her cute friend is with her too
>sitting around a fire outside
>cute girl is sitting on my lap for ages
>semi-realise whats going on and try to put my hand down her pants even though my friend told me she is on her period
>she stops me
>i apologise and say i dont usually do that
>realise my sister and her friend are sitting across from us
>stunned at how shit my game is
>didnt touch a clit for another 12 months after that
Middle school for you was last year right
You. Are. A. Faggot.
>cringiest moment involves fucking a girl
normal scum pls go
>be out with friends celebrating leaving school last friday
>happen to meet group of grills
>they're mostly hot except for like one
>friends testosterone levels rise and they play fight with each other despite looking like mongols
>qt grill always comes up close to me to chat for a bit
>later on she rests her head on my shoulder and says "youve got comfy shoulders"
>looks up at me with her beautiful eyes
>"i h-have to go"
>gives nice hug
>go home and think about how beta i was
My friends went the same time I did so I didn't really miss out on anything I guess, but still man wtf
>The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant
>a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control
>a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water..
>Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries
>All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 incheslong,
>less than 3/4 inch in circumference, loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries;
>pretty cute really
>thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best .....
>I'm sitting there alone,
>Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say
>'Don't do it stupid,'
>reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
>I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button
>I'm pretty sure the Hulk ran in through the side door,
>picked me up in the recliner,
>then body slammed us both on the carpet,
>over and over and over again.
>I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes
>body soaking wet,
>with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position and tingling in my legs!
>The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
>clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,

tell the rape joke story
dont you have any friends at school?
tell rape joke story
>obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
>A minute or so later I collected my wits,
>what little I had left
>sat up and surveyed the landscape.
>My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
>The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
>My triceps were still twitching.
>My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
>my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs..
>I had no control over the drooling.
>Apparently I had crapped in my shorts,
>but was too numb to know for sure,
>my sense of smell was gone.
>I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head,
>which I believe came from my hair!
>every day since
>My wife can't stop laughing about my experience,
>loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
>7th grade
>Im awkward as sweet, sweet fuck
>Sitting in history
>Next to two insanely hot chicks
>Always stammer when I talk to them
>One day I get new shoes
>Feel like a fucking bad ass in my new fucking shoes
>On this day
>One girl says "Nice shoes dude"
>The term "Dude" usually refers to males right?
>She must be talking to me
>This is really happening
>Both girls look at me simultaneously
>Mfw she was talking to the other girl
>They both laugh hysterically
>Berry my face within the deep darkness that is my arms
>Try not to cry

Fuck 7th grade and fuck being 13 jesus christ almighty.
This happened last week, didn't it summerfag?

Whole story finally

I hope you know thats just a buzzword
What the fuck man she didn't even laugh. You could have had sex with her.
I hope you know you are 13 years old.
Never posted this one before, but here it goes:
>be me in middle school, 5'9, overweight
>seventh grade I believe
>running around in the cafeteria
>chasing my friends, full speed
>guy I'm chasing moves chair infront of me to slow me down
>tried to ninja by jumping over
>failed, tripped
>crotch ripped due to my obesity and how far my legs spread
>kneeling on the floor, both hands covering my big balls
>everyone is laughing at me
>face heats up
>stay on the floor for more than five minutes, paralyzed
>supervisor comes to the cafeteria
>see's me
>tells me to get off, trying not to laugh
>walking to his office while my butt was showing

God. It still haunts me till now.
Good One
You're fucking stupid.
oh wow dog
I thought I had a story to compare to yours
just Wow
>Captial G and O
It's like you aren't even trying to hide the summer.
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italian pasta, it goes great with tomato sauce

It's about being nervous. It's from that 8 mile song goes something like

"vomit on my shirt already. Mum's spaghetti"
>be me, bout 12
>gf is switching schools
>obviously kissless virgin
>sitting at bench after school, she's standing between my legs
>keeps telling me to kiss her
>talk for like half an hour knowing eventually I'm gonna embarrass myself
>she checks time, my moms gonna be here soon
>think I'm alpha as fuck and grab her head and go in for kiss
>two seconds in realize how shitty I am
>detach my face from hers
>hug her for a minute contemplating on wether someone saw that
>she says she sees her mom, leaves
>wait till she leaves to stand up
>heading towards the gate, teacher walks by me
>pretend I didn't hear him and go home and cringe my shoulders off
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>be 3 years old
>have a female friend
>one day our parents arrange for me to go to her house for a playdate
>feel like shit that day
>tell mom i feel like shit
>have to go anyways
>get to her house
>she says hi
>oh fuck
>shit blasts out of my ass
>diarrhea everywhere
>she runs up to her room screaming
>her mom tries to console her
>just sit there and cry
>not friends anymore

and then i had to go to school with her for 10 more years
How old was your sister?
I also kek'd
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Nice story, you had me until
So many choices...

>Hanging out at favorite club, starting on the liquid courage.
>Friend comes up to introduce her new room mate; Little blond girl in a fishnet bodysuit and schoolgirl skirt.
>She looks 14 tops, decide to be smartass and card her. She's only a year younger than me.
>They go off to dance, I get back to drinking.
>About an hour later I walk up to her, straight faced "I want to give you an orgasm." Then just walk off.
>She follows, sat on my lap sharing my drinks the rest of the night.
>Fried takes us home, we're in the back seat. I fall asleep. Wake up as we pull up to my place, my face in girl's lap.
>Hugs, I stumble in and pass back out.
>Couple weeks later friend brings her over to hang out at my place with no warning.
>Being socially inept, I offer girl some of my napoleon brandy, that I don't share with anyone.
>Friend mentions she's into D&D, I break out The Book of Erotic Fantasy that I forgot I'd bought for trolling...
>Girl reads with interest.
>Friend gets tired, decides it's time for them to go home, girl has to work early tomorrow.
>Couple nights later, get a call on my work phone, "Penis penis penis!"
>Having shitty night at work, tell person to fuck off.
>Another call a little later, "I want your penis!" Same voice.
>Tell them if they call again I'm reporting them to the cops.
>Friend calls my cell and proceeds to inform me that I'm a complete fucking idiot, prank caller was girl, horny and bored.
>Never heard from girl again.
>be me
>6 or 7
>be in class and they're making us do some retarded exercising shit in class.
>i have to fart
>Fart silently
>knew I wouldn't get caught cause everyone was jumping around and shit and there was loud music
>suddenly the teacher asks what that smell is
>Everyone smells it
>No one knows the truth
>I look just as confused as everyone else
>"Whoever is farting should just leave right now"
>Don't leave
>continue what we were doing
>Fart again
>stops music
>Okay who is that farting
>For some reason I get the bright idea that it'd be funny to confess
>It was me!
>Everyone stares at me weird
>I excuse myself from the room

Kind of funny now that I look back on it actually
>borrow it to check my facebook
you dodged a bullet
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hands down the best story in this entire thread.
This. When did you fuck her in the ass?
She's a fucking retard. That wasn't the best way to express her intentions. It may have been for the best.
Holy shit. I mean I'm the most pasta ridden mother fucker on the planet and this made me cringe. I hope you're trolling anon.
About a year before our wedding and she said she wanted to kill me the next morning coz she was an analysis virgin
Fuck... Anal
>8th grade
>in tech class, I'm good at making shit because I am
>girl asks me to help her with the thing we're making
>show her how to do it, practically make it for her out of kind-ness over a few days while showing her what to do
>the popular kid in our class comes over, starts talking to both of us
>"hey you two should go out"
>I laugh it off
>girls laughs it off
>next day
>girl says "maybe that guy had a point"
>never even considered in, not into her that much
>13 year old self can't handle this shit, never been in this situation before
>all I can remember, I was standing there gaping, twisting the hem of my shirt in my hands, stuttering that I just wanted to be friends
>I didn't even want that

And that was the first, and only time a girl has EVER shown interest in me.
I'm now 23
About a year after the blond girl:

>Walking from one club to another with girl I'd been dating a couple months.
>Wild drunk girl appear and uses full body hug.
>Girl I'm dating instantly looks pissed.
>Two more girls join the hug.
>Brain shuts down from blood loss. idonteven.jpg
>Snake out of hug, wave, try to start walking like nothing happened.
>GF "Who the fuck were they?!?"
>Realize I only barely knew the first one, so I just shrug.
>From then on girl thought I was a manwhore who would flirt with and fuck anything.
>year 10
>introverted, socially retarded fuck
>8/10 sporty chick with a banging body always goes out of her way to talk to me
>all i can ever manage is spaghetti mumblings
>walking home one day when i hear foot steps coming up behind me
>turn head and see sporty chick walking maybe 10-20 metres behind me, slowly catching up
>i turn back and start walking faster, not wanting to have to walk with her for the next 20 minutes(she lived near me) for fear of spaghetti
>hear her constantly getting closer
>keep speeding up my pace
>gets to the point where shes about 5 steps behind me and im power walking to stay ahead
>this goes on for a long time
>she turns down side street and i start verbally abusing myself
>next day at school she asks me why i didnt just walk with her
Nah, I get it. He explains the feeling well in the last sentence. He just didn't convey it in the greentext.
You're trying to impress a group of people you don't know, and ironically end up looking like an idiot in the process. You keep thinking about how it was their first impression of you. A little fucking rat that makes shit up.
Tha'ts cringe-worthy
Legal loli; Still would have hit it like the fist of an angry god.
>Be me at age 18
>Be talking to hot ass 17 year old blonde on Skype
>Making her touch herself in particular ways
>She is close, but wants me to do the same
>Unzip pants, lie on bed, sit laptop on chest
>Start jackin' it
>Mum walks in room as I'm cumming
>Blonde hears whole conversation

I want to go kill myself now.
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>Be me, 16, in high school
>Sitting side-by-side with qt3.14 blonde Slavic girl acquaintance of mine at computers in library (this was 2005)
>Our "Turnabout" dance is coming up, in which girls ask guys
>She brings up the dance, asks if I'm going
>"Oh nooo SORRY Paulina I've got a girlfriend"
>"...No, I wasn't asking..."
>Poker face, pretend to do work at computer, internally cringing at how awkward this was
>We never speak again
C'est la vie. Kills me to this day.
This is amazing
>be 5th grade 2008
>have some weird obsession with shit
>decide it will be funny to take photo of my shit
>take it to school the next day
>show a few people for laughs
>they are grossed out, wtf reactions
>happened to show a girl in the afternoon, again grossed out
>Now in year 11, that girl that I showed the picture to is now 8/10 qt3.14 and in my music class
everytime I see her I freak out and remember that time and wonder if she remembers
7th grade was the worst for some reason.
hahaha holy fuck

you can't blame those people. nobody wouldn't laugh at that
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Another, also incl. Patrick Star:
>I'm 15 and at a party with friends who were freshmen in college
>The party is oddly formal, hosted at some girl's parents' expensive loft in Chicago's upscale Gold Coast
>Flirting, interacting with girls/people, etc. are not my strong suits
>Be talking about making a zombie movie with a friend of mine (they were still overplayed then, too)
>The gorgeous girl hosting the party, who I hadn't met before, joins us
>Discussing flyers and ads to attract extras to be the zombies/victims
>Ideas going back and forth
>Look girl dead in the eyes and say, "Want to get eaten?"
>She stares at me, stunned, before walking away
>Friend laughs and shakes his head
>Ten minutes later, I FINALLY understand what I've done
>Insist to my friend that the line was supposed to be a flyer idea and that the cunnilingus innuendo had gone over my head
>No one buys it
>Continue mingling and drinking instead of explaining myself
I have a feeling this thread is going to make the Alcohol industries 10x richer overnight.
>be in 11th grade, seniors of the school now
>it's the day of the school music night, all music students have to go to the music building in the morning to load up the bus (we hired the town hall) and get on the bus
>standing there, in the foyer, like everyone else, leaning on my trombone case
>everyone else in groups chatting
>there's this one clarinet girl I like, in yr 9 though 2 years younger than me
>cute at tho
>standing there, minding my own business
>her and her friend come up to me, I look at them
>she blurts out "oh my god" blushing and rushes off, friend follows
>ohshitohshitohshit she's into me wat do
>spend literally the rest of the day, and night, sitting in a seat of the town hall alone shaking from nerves thinking about that moment
>she never approaches me again

what the fuck is wrong with me jesus
Here's hoping, at least
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tell reap joek
I know that feeling. I found out a chick was into me afte being in high school with her for seven months the day she had to move to new hampshire when she asked me to a movie and we were the only ones in there.. It was such a fucking heartache when she had to leave.
>She offered to let me come over to a BBQ with her and her family
>Probably would have got fucked, she told me later
>Tfw not seen her for 3 years
Same thing basically happened with a girl who sat on the bus with me.
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>14 years old
>Girl in Class I like
>everyone knows
>she knows
>one day talk to her and her friend
>her friend says "wow anon you have so much in common"
>shes interested
>feeling safe for a joke, OH GOD WHY!
>I say:
>Yea, especiality our cupsize match (im chubby, she has small tits)
>spaghetti and maccaroni
>never talk to them again

It hurts thinking about it
>5th grade
Underage b&
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>Be Me
>Be first day of my Junior year of high-school.
>Wake up early because the novelty of the new year has me excited.
>Eat one of the few real breakfasts I have had in my life
>Know exactly how long it takes to drive to school because I have leet skills.
>Making good time, think I am actually going to be a little ahead on schedule.
>Make it to the busy road where tons students and parents are waiting in line to enter the drop off zone/park.
>Rocking to shitty radio in preparation of rocking the school year.
>Suddenly car dies.
>Brake pedal does not work and steering wheel doesn't turn.
>Check all the meters behind my steering wheel
>MFW I am out of gas
>Car behind me starts to honk and is forced to change into the left lane to get around me.
>Another car is behind that one
>MFW I am holding up over 500 people on the first day of school
>Everyone in school drives past me in the left lane
>I apparently held up traffic through 3 major traffic light intersections.
>Eventually my soulless ginger friend calls his dad and he delivers enough gasoline to get me to a gas station.
>MFW everyone I knew called me out on it for weeks afterwards.
>MFW my home room teacher laughs at me for making most the school tardy on the first day.
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picturing that made me lol
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>All of my life up until this point
I would give several internal organs away just to have them brain scrub me of everything that happened prior to today.
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>Be 13 me
>Have a gf somehow
>She is a church goer
>One time we kissed on the cheek
>Shit was cash
>Going to bowling tournament to compete and impress m'lady
>Mom is driving us up there
>We are in the back seat and cuddling like some faggots
>two hours later she is pointing outside the window
>"Whats that? What are you trying to show me"
>Vomit start to spew from her mouth all over my chest and lap
>She was signaling that she needs to puke
>Never recover
>a week later I want to break up with her
>I can't cuz beta faggot
>ask my mom to do it for me
>mfw my mom broke up with my first gf for me

I avoided her 5ever.
This happened to me one and I was fearing the eminent Honkocaust but I wasn't a fucking retard so I turned on the emergency blinkers and everybody went around me.
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>ask my mom to do it for me
>mfw my mom broke up with my first gf for me
You figure it out, not a day goes by that I carry a sense of regret for ever measly fucking thing that I done in my life. Can't even walk down the street without regretting that.
Dude don't sweat it it's not a big deal
we dont even know who u are. why bothering changing the girls name to fucking "jane"

u idiotic piece of beta
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>mfw my mom broke up with my first gf for me
>20 YO me
>On holiday
>Decide I want some action
>Spot qt3.14
>She keeps looking at me
>Long brown hair, nice body. Prolly 8/10
>I decide eventually to walk over to her and try and spark up conversation
>It's pretty noisy - we're in some bar
>"Hey I'm anon. (words to the effect of) You're looking lovely, would you like a drink?"
>"U WOT?!"
>"Would you like a drink?"
>She just stares in utter confusion.
>I walk away with a fountain of spaghetti bursting out my pockets and smashing through the ceiling.

Already had sub zero confidence, it took a lot of beer for me to walk up to and hit on a total stranger. It will never happen again.
i was asking for a story
that's the point of these threads
go fuck yourself feelsfag
>friends drag me to movies to force some social interaction upon me
>Queue for snacks, notice hot girl is serving
>I want to ask for a large popcorn, instead i ask for large cock porn
>be in bar with mate
>guy starts shit with me
>charges at me
>mate reacts like a pro
>smashes glass in guys face and smashes him onto a table
>it's on
>but I just stand there
>mate, few bouncers and 2 or 3 of guys friends are making their way outside smashing faces
>I'm still just standing there
>another of guys mate is lookin at me and yells don't you fucking move
>he's about 20ft away
>I put my hands up (wtf?)
>feel wet between my legs
>think to myself its ok they'll think it's beer spilt from the fight
>say something like "I didn't come here to fight"
>the end
>reunite with mate
>look down - oh good, my thick jeans didn't show any signs that I pissed myself
>mate insists we continue drinking at another pub
>all I think about for 2 hrs is that I peed my pants
>the end
think of it like this; the girl had a crush on you and decided to finally make some awkward hichschool-move and put her head on your shoulder,to her disappointment you just ask her if shes sleepy. her spaghetti flies everywhere and all she can get out is "y-yeah.." she never dares to speak with you again and probly cringes everytime she thinks of that moment
can't feel cringe.
alpha as fuck to get asked out by hoes, and resisting the aids pussy
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>mfw my mom broke up with my first gf for me
>Be me, 8th Grade Beta
>Fucking in love with blonde chick
>We're good friends but thats all
>She's in on-again off-again relationship with a guy who was an absolute prick
>Somehow have the balls to ask her out in an off-period, she says yes
>Can't believe my luck
>Texting and MSN (fuck that takes me back) all night
>Typical Year 8 shit, I love you
>She says it back
>Next day feeling like king of the world
>See her at school, all going smoothly
>4pm receive phonecall
>Its her
>"Yeah look anon, don't think we should really go out, don't think it'll work and it'll fuck up our friendship. Also I just can't be in a relationship right now"
>Try to convince her
>Next day back with on-again off-again bloke
>She fucks him in the staircase after school the next week

It's not so bad actually, I'm normal now and I actually fucked her last year after not seeing her for like 6 years. Not as hot as I remembered, but I had to do it for my Year 8 self, yknow? Now she's an annoying dumb bitch who's going nowhere in life (goes to my uni), so yeah fuck her. But fuck it was bad at the time
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first time posting in a cringe thread

>be me
>be 16
>wear nirvana / kurt cobain shirts almost exclusively
>be at school
>between classes
>still in classroom
>hot girl sitting on her desk
>perfect body, ok face, meh hair
>i turn around to walk out of the classroom
>facing her
>she says "cool shirt"
>i say "thanks"
>other people still around start noticing us talking
>she says "why thanks? that compliment wasn't really for you, was it? i said your shirt was cool, not you."
>i freeze
>wtf just happened?
>did i do something wrong?
>or is she just being a total bitch for no reason?
>other people looking at me, expecting me to say something in return
>mind's a blank
>just walk past her and out of the room

>she dropped out of school that year
>mfw 2 years later she suddenly appeared in class one day to see some of her old friends
>be me
>be in highschool
>in line waiting for school bus
>friend is telling me some story about something some chick did today
>not knowing who he's talking about I ask "who's that, is it the fat one?"
>friend makes weird face
>look behind me
>oshit it's the fatty
>land whale has tears in her eyes
>Mfw she was right there the whole time
>mfw I hear her trying to suppress sobs
>mfw I had to listen to that for 15 minutes, all the while pretending I couldn't hear anything
>mfw I have no face

I still feel like shit to this day
Fuck the green text. One of the biggest cringiest things of my life was getting unbelievably drunk right after I graduated high school with some friends, went to Barns&Nobles(giant ass bookstore) and as soon I stepped foot inside, my foot tripped on the security metal detector thing. My friend yelled out "JESUUSS CHRIST ANON". EVERYONE staring at me. I get up awkwardly. Try to brush it off like no big deal. Go in bathroom drunk as fuck and hyperventilate for 5 min. Friend comes in and says DUDE ARE YOU ALRIGHT(he's drunk too). I finally stop acting like a retard and walk out of restroom. I look around with two friends and exclaim "WOW LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS".

Word of advice.. never drink more than you thought you could handle
you and her are both retarded
case closed

This is actually more fucking hilarious than cringy. You've got a story to tell at least, making an entire school late for school.
>Be me, shy beta
>Wait in hallways before class with gf
>Kiss and talk and shit
>Sitting on lap facing me
>She looking through backpack tryna find some paper
>Looks real dirty from the wrong angle
>Please nobody come around the corner right now
>"ANON get it! oh shit man get that pussy!"
>never hear the end of how i 'fucked' my gf in the hall at school
I always say thanks when people compliment my band shirts. It implies that you have a good/similar taste in music. She seems a bit fucked in the head to give a compliment then trash you 2 seconds later.
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>be me
>Be in first longterm relationship.
>Girlfriend wants to try anal
>Hell yeah
>Don't wear condom
>She shits on my dick
> I forgive her and continue to love her and treat her with love
>3 Years later she cheats on my for no reason
>Now forever alone paranoid friendless waste of space

>MFW atleast I got anal
How's that a cringe story?Trick everybody into believing you fucked some girl in the hallway. Alpha as fuck yo
>They see anon and the not so amazing chocolate factory
this shit killd me anon
>be 14
>sit around at some holiday park w/a friend of mine
>trying to pick up grills
>meet a 7/10 piece of porn in the pool
>she's 14yo too accompanied by 12yo sis
>fast forward later that evening
>she gives me her number
>can't be true
>retard me keeps thinking it's the number of the lil sis
>keep responding 'no way this is ur nr' to her texts
>after 2 days of struggle she has had enough
>never texted me again
>still hate my insecure self for that
>times are over, had success with lot of qt's
>now I'm preparing my lil bro for these situations
>lil hustler incoming
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>>skip school for the next month by walking aimlessly around the city for 5 hours a day
>Never heard from girl again.
I'm assuming her wranglers got hold of her and put her back in her padded cell.
>be 16
>started an apprenticeship few months b4
>every day boss picks me up in a ute from corner shop
>He sometimes borrowed his dads ute
>this day a new ute pulled up in normal spot
>must be his dads
Ended up hopping in some random cunts car
>Be 16
>Sit next to a redhead 9/10 at lunch everyday
>Always talk to her
>She constantly flirts and i know it
>to much of a bitch to flirt back just sorta smile and laugh
>School is out for summer
>start skyping her regularly
>Still too much of a bitch to flirt back
I've even got my friends telling me to get it in.
if ur a girl i bet you twenty doklars ur a fat fuck. you probable use a lot of eyeliner and died your mousy hair black. you probably take pictures where u never smile because it makes your cheeks look fatter. i swear to god if i was mexico i wouldve fuckin told to ur face bitch u are too fuckin fat get the fuck out of my face you ugly fuckin toad. how bout u fuckin kill urself huh? i bet u would probably kill yourself over actually tryin to lose sum weight you fuckin lard fuck. i bet u like insane clown posse and ur a fuckin hick who was too fat to farm u fat fuck so to fit in you decided to be a fucking scenegrrl. You know why those emo fags accepted you? They don't--they tolerate you because they have no self-esteem. They knew that having you write and give mexico that note would humiliate you, thereby validating their own selves. loose weight u fat whore
Dude you got issues wtf. You wrote a whole paragraph to 10 lines of text. You look like a fucking loser.
>fucks two girls
>huge fucking cringe
who the fuck are you to post on /b/? maybe you are retarded mentally but not socially, idiot
>Have 2 screens
>masturbate to to some kind of wincest pic
>start gaming
>sister walks in
>acts kind of weird
>realize I left the pic open on second screen
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