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You find yourself in a dark room. You have...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 533
Thread images: 15
You find yourself in a dark room. You have no idea how you got here, but whatever happened, it can't be good. Your instinct tells you that you need to get out of here. Quickly. What will you do?
>Enter command (Post ending in 3)
>>
Suck my own dick
>>
>close browser
>>
>>542539403
You attempt to close the browser, but unfortunately, there is no browser to close. You don't even have a computer. There probably isn't any kind of wireless signal in miles. You consider stopping being a faggot and finding a way to get out of here.
>5&10
>>
>>542539797
Masturbate furiously
>>
>>542538995
Did you do one of these threads before?

>look out window
>>
>>542539917
Reroll.
>>
>>542539797
>Throw poop at wall
>>
>>542539917
REroll
>>
>>542540085
Despite the pressing situation you find yourself in, you still manage to defecate on your hand and throw your own feces at the wall. You are not sure if this was useful in anyway, but you surely showed the man who's boss. Your hand is now stained with shit and you can't put your pants back up until you find a way to wipe.
>6&7
>>
>>542540479
>Wipe hands at hair
>>
Use the banana picker
>>
>>542540479

>lick feces of hand and suffocate in the process
>>
>>542540479
>insert fist in anus
>>
>Smear shit all over wall, lick the rest one you can get most of it all off
>>
>walk around with mangina
>>
>>542540757
In a sudden moment of complete idiocy, you decide to lick the feces off your hand and try to off yourself in the process, in a kind of poetic way to escape from your confinement. You end up puking and passing out in your own filth.
>2&8
>>
>>542541115
Get up and stick one hand up ass and one hand on floor, feeling around for something--anything!
>>
>>542541115
>dream about sex and jizz all over the vomit
>>
>>542541115
>Rape hole in wall
>>
North
>>
>>542541115
>cock slap your way through the wall
>>
>>542541402
wtfRAR?
>>
>>542541402
You wake up from your shit trip. Despite your complete lack of orientation, you waddle with your pants down towards what you think most probably is north. You bump against something and hear a jar breaking right besides you.
>4&9
>>
Poop in my hand and Make a shiv outta my poop
>>
>>542538995
Try find a wall then find a door
>>
>>542541689
Put jar shards in anus.
>>
>>542541689
In the jar is weed, smoke it and think about quantumphysics to find a method to deintegrate the walls of your prison
>>
Pick up glass and wipe ass with
>>
>>542541689
>cock slap your way through the wall
>>
>>542541804
Winrar
>>
>>542541804
You find yourself unable to poop anymore, so you just pick up some of the shit that is smeared all over the floor and combine it with a piece of the jar to arm yourself with a trusty weapon. You also build a small altar to Shiva for good luck.
>0&1
>>
>>542541689
OP?

>bump
>>
wipe ass with shiv
>>
>>542542298
Take pants off, run at the window and dolphin jump through it
>>
>>542542298
Praying at the altar to thy goddess shiva, she sends you down a big fat and long doobie and you light it up.
You start thinking about the string theory to metaphorm to a different location outside your prison
>>
scream for help as loud as i can
>>
With the instructions from this video, i'll safe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
>>
Piss on floor, mix with shit, drink it
>>
>>542542430
WINRAR!!!
>>
>>542542518
reroll
>>
>>542542430
You start crying as you insert your trusty weapon inside your anus. As painful as it is, it seems like it was effective enough to remove most of the fecal material. You put your pants up with your hands covered in shit and blood. You hear footsteps outside the walls.
>5&8
>>
>>542542702
>>5&8
Inventory
>>
>>542542702
Make louder footsteps to confue other footsteps
>>
>>542542702

Furiously fap, try to cum into the face of the person (if someone comes in).
>>
>>542542702
You hide behind the door.
>>
duck
>>
shout out loudly that my anus is bleeding
>>
>>542542702
Scream the navy seals copypast as loud as possible
>>
>>542542702
stab the man that is most likely going to enter the room
>>
Bite tongue off.
>>
>>542542765
You check yourself for anything that may be useful. In your person you find:
-Your trusty weapon
-A broken condom
-A note
-A flashlight
-A single cigarette
>2&9
>>
>>542543040
Shove everything in anus
>>
read note
>>
>>542543040
You hide behind the door, light the cigarette and read the note
>>
>>542543040
>>2&9
Look flashlight
>>
Drop inventory
>>
>>542543040
Grab the flashlight and do shadow puppets with the incoming persons
>>
>>542543040
put condom on weapon use it in case someone comes in.
>>
>>542543040
Scream loudly "This is sparta" and kick something
>>
>>542543152
You find a rusty metal door and sit right besides it. This is your shitty idea of hiding. You try to light the cigarette, but you don't have a lighter. The note reads as follows:
"Eggs, milk, steak, fruit loops
- Dave"
You hear the steps coming closer.
>9
>>
>>542543713
masturbate furiously
>>
>>542543713
Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.
>>
>>542543713
Stab yourself with weapon and cry for help.
>>
>>542543860
reroll
>>
>>542543713
Ponder life difficulties and then loudly ask "why does my wife beat me"
>>
Take off clothing
>>
>>542543713
Start masturbating furiously to deter the invader
>>
Stop and check my map. Clearly I've been shitting in circles.
>>
>>542543989
Nice.
>>
File: 1393912257873.gif (1 MB, 640x360) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1393912257873.gif
1 MB, 640x360
>>542543989
WinRAR ! ! !

>why does my wife beat me?
>>mfw
>>
>>542543989
Ahahah, pure genius.
God I am screencapping all of this.
>>
>>542544352
Please collage it when it finally reaches the end. I love these threads.
>>
>>542543860
>Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.
We should start a Kickstarter, man I'd love to see this game complete with graphics and sound
>>
>>542543989
You try to think about something profound, but fail miserably because you are a faggot. Instead you just yell at the top of your lungs "WHY DOES MY WIFE BEAT ME" for no apparent reason. You hear mumbling on the other side of the door and the sound of keys. Think of something. Fast. >0
>>
>>542544640

Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.
>>
Elbow drop door
>>
>>542544640
Shit dick through glory hole in door
>>
Shit in own butt
>>
>>542544640
scream "what have you done with dave?!?!"
>>
>>542544753
reroll

>>542544637
Just a game with people shoving shining flashlights into their anuses, and walking around with light coming out of their open mouths
>>
>>542544640
shit all over yourself so you're invisible to heat sensors and look brown then try to look like a wall
>>
>>542544640
can't think of anything. slam your head against the wall repeatedly
>>
>>542544640
put flashlight on ground, pointing at you.
sit down, put cigarette in mouth and spread your legs
>>
>>542544780
Dunno why I lol'd
>>
>>542544640
Wait for the intruder to enter the room, come up behind him and hit him with the flash light, and then proceed to do the rain dance around his body.
>>
>>542544780
You step back a little and then jump into the air, performing your signature maneuver the epic macho elbow drop against the door. The door is opened before you can actually land your hit, and you just fall into the floor instead, between two sets of boots. God you are dumb.
>>
>>542544640
Start reenacting movie lines.
>>
>>542545146
ELBOW DROP BOOTS
>>
>>542545146
Oh yeah
>8
>>
>>542545146
Eat laxative and shit for safety
>>
Suplex boots
>>
Kiss whomever is behind the door
>>
>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
i luls
>>
>>542545146
look up
"N-notice me.... senpai...."
>>
>>542545318
You squirm around trying to find some laxative, but you find none. You decide to instead grab some of the shit that makes up your trusty weapon and smear it on your face as camouflage.
>7
>>
>>542545146
Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.
>>
>>542545146
Demand the person to set you free, or you will continue to defecate on his floor.
>>
Take off clothing and piss on them
>>
Point at guards and ask them 'WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO BROTHER?'
>>
>>542545627
ahahaha!!! this thread is fuck full of idiots

I love it
>>
>>542545146
Tell him you're a woman, and you don't deserve this type of treatment, tell him he is beneath you and that he should be the one shiving shit out of his asshole
>>
>>542545627
WINRAR
>>
>>542545627
You squirm around trying to take off your clothing to assert dominance. A guard grabs you by the arm before you can remove your shirt and starts dragging you down the hallway. You pee yourself anyway to show them who is the boss here.
>3
>>
leg drop guards
>>
Tell a your mom joke to the guard.
>>
>>542545971
Bite hand run down the hallway and out the front door then eat some food and shit
>>
>>542545971
slash one of the guards achilles with your makeshit shiv
>>
>>542546159
roll
>>3
>>
>>542545971
Start chanting this as the gaurd pulls you Beware, beware, walk with care,
care for what you do
or Mumbo-Jumbo is gonna hoo-doo you,
Mumbo-Jumbo is gonna hoo-doo you.
Boom-lay, boom-lay, boom-lay, BOOM.
>>
>>542545971
Shiv guard with most useful item
>>
>>542545971
Offer to suck the guards dick and if he says no rape him
>>
Become God out of nowhere and blow up the earth because you want to.
>>
>>542545971
Offer to teach the guards how to use their sphincters to full potential. As lord of assholes that must be the reason you are there.
>>
>>542546260
reroll
>>
>>542546340
reroll
>>
>>542545971
Activate your Stand, Shitfest faggotry
>>
>>542545971
I have tears in my eyes from laughing.

nibble on his arm and tell him to make love to your piss and shit staind body.
>>
>>542545971
>>show them who is the boss here.

You dont give a shit anymore huh?

also:

Bite your finger off, put it in anus while maitaining eye contact with the other guard and keeping a poker face
>>
>>542546474
do it!
>>
>>542546415
Roll
>>
Stick trusty weapon in own leg
>>
>>542546340
RE-reroll
>>
>>542545971
Wait to see where I'm being carried off to
>>
Tell the guard all this being dragged along is making you feel kind of horny
>>
>>542546643
WINrar
>>
>>542546260
>>542546643
>>542546723
Dang it, I don't know which is better.
>>
>>542545971
Grab you shiv, and slice his Achilles tendon, as he is falling to one knee, stab him in the neck, and then slam his head against the wall. Most likely another gaurd is going to come at you, he'll throw a haymaker in order to subdue you quickly, you will duck down to the left side of the attack, put your palm on his elbow and push up, and stab his arm pit, and then proceed to knee him in the stomach.
>>
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>mfw this thread
>>
>>542546723
You turn around to one of the guards and tell him that all this being around is making you horny. "That's the point" he replies. You seriously shit yourself this time.
>>
>>542547098
>Grab you shiv, and slice his Achilles tendon, as he is falling to one knee, stab him in the neck, and then slam his head against the wall. Most likely another gaurd is going to come at you, he'll throw a haymaker in order to subdue you quickly, you will duck down to the left side of the attack, put your palm on his elbow and push up, and stab his arm pit, and then proceed to knee him in the stomach.
>>
Bite off own tongue and bleed to death quietly.
>>
>>542547098
Oh fuck I forgot again
>4
>>
>>542547240
Look the other guard in the eye, start crying with only one eye while smiling with the other-side half of your mouth
>>
>>542547098
woah man!! you missed
>>542546643
>>
Ask him if he smells what the rock is cooking? run to one end of the corridor then run to the other. Proceed to lay the smackdown with a peoples elbow.
>>
>>542547098
I look down.

Do I have breasts?
>>
Stab shiv in own throat
>>
>>542547163

Rolling for this
>>
>>542547163
Roll
>>
cum in guard's eye in an attempt to blind him
>>
>>542547494

Chicken DinRAR
>>
>>542547374
You think of this super cool double face thing to intimidate the guard. Shit it's so cool. You try to do it but you just end up crying like a faggot. The guard kicks you and tells you to stop. Man this hallway is long.
>7

>>542547381
Shit I didn't notice! I am sorry.
>>
Pluck out own eyes and yank on own cock as hard as possible
>>
>>542547748
let myself fall to the ground, start sobbing uncontrollably and grab onto his legs and say "please let me go I won't tell anyone I promise just please let me go"
>>
>>542547748
Begin autofellatio
>>
>>542547748
Try to do multiple barrel rolls to escape the grab, don't stop until you are free
>>
>>542547748
since guard one is dead, guard two is close, with the armpit being a large artery, he is sure to bleed out soon, but you're just not the kind of man to not finish a job, so you continue to stab the man, and scream "you see what you made me do mommy, you see"
>>
>>542547748
Start sucking your right big toe while pulling your self up on his shoulders to have a better view
>>
Ask how you got into the room and stab self in the leg with weapon
>>
>>542547748
Ask where they are taking you and whether Ms. Tuffet will be joining you all for dinner.
>>
>>542547897
You take out your cock with your free hand and try to suck yourself off. Unfortunately, you aren't flexible enough and your cock is rather small, so you fail miserably. You've got a feeling that if you don't escape the guard's clutches soon, you'll be in serious trouble.
>1
>>
Cover myself in semen and feces. Then squeeze myself through the iron bars at the window.
>>
>>542548376
Shank the guard with my shiv and try to run
>>
Ask to hold guards hands and submit to his will.
>>
Tell them about your love for lance
>>
>>542548376
ask if you can have your last cigarette before they kill you
>>
>>542546980
>>542548034
>>542548376
do these ones.
>>
File: project.png (407 KB, 1222x3000) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>542544613
Here you go, missed some bits because had to restart.
>>
>>542548376
Stab the guard with my shitshiv
>>
>>542548541
:)
>>
>>542548541
You are too scared to think logically, so in a sudden attack of faggotry, you try to ask the guard to hold your hand. You can't pronounce the words properly so you just end up trying to hold the guard's hand. He doesn't seem to notice. From this new angle, you see that there's a gun hanging from his belt, and it is JUST within reach.
>2
>>
>>542549223
tell them his gun is reachable
>>
>>542549223
ask to hold hands again
>>
>>542549223
speak out loud "that gun is within my reach"
>>
>>542549223
Point out the guard's potentially fatal lax gun attentiveness to him.
>>
>>542549223
Take gun, shove in anus, pull trigger
>>
File: SHITSHIT.jpg (161 KB, 600x1045) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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if you want to make a more serious thread on a slower board i'll be happy to join
>>
>>542549402

hahahaha!!!! YES!
>>
Inform the guard you were almost able to take his gun from him
>>
>>542549402
I lol'd. nice win
>>
>>542549402
HAHAHAH
>>
>>542549476
nice
>>
>>542549476
oh fuck this thread is making me laugh so hard, and then this...holy shit it hurts so good
>>
>>542549402
As you hold hands with the guard you say loud and clear "That gun is within my reach". He notices and takes it with his other hand. "Thanks for telling me mate." What did you even think that'd accomplish?
>>
>>542549476

I fucking love you Anon
>>
>>542549762
>>542549402
I was being friendly
>>
>>542549762
stop forgetting numbers!
>>
>>542549762
>>542549898
Fuck I am seriously stupid, from now on the number will be 0.
>>
Whilst he is distracted with moving his gun swipe it from him
>>
>>542549762
Ask the guard if you can suck him off, you're feeling thirsty and hungry. If he refuses, bang your head in the air and cry.
>>
>>542549402
Ask for a lighter to lit a cigarette.
>>
>>542549762
"Will you let me go if I suck your dick, while your friend takes me in my ass and teases my balls?"
>>
Suddenly out of nowhere, grab weapon and stab it in the side of own neck
>>
>>542549223
Tell the guard you really like his gun and ask if you can borrow it for a sec.
>>
>>542549981
start singing the national anthem to calm the situation
>>
Wiggle out of your pants and make a shit trail as you're dragged, also tell the guard you are doing this

0 get
>>
>>542549981
Loudly anounce that they are all racing to a flashlight
>>
>>542550085

Reroll
>>
Shiv the guard and try to steal the gun
>>
>>542549762
Get a boner, then say loud and clearly:

"I have an erection."
>>
>>542550117
pls
>>
>>542549762
spit on the guards clothes to piss him off
>>
>>542549762
as you realize the dumbness of your acts, you ask the guards about the fedora you were wearing
>>
>>542549981
Put flashlight in a broken condom, turn it on.
>>
>>542550260
WINRARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!@!!!!!!!!
>>
Declare outloud "I am at your mercy o guard, and I would like to know how in the world could"
>>
>>542550260
dun goofed
>>
Fap so long against a wall until it breaks down.
>>
please someone stick around for the whole thing and collage it. I have to commute home.

OP this was great, thanks for the laugh and thanks everyone contributing to make this some seriously funny shit.
>>
suddenly you remember all the youtube videos on disarming and you attempt to disarm with a succeeding and you kill him
>>
>>542550260
You decide to spit on the guard's clothes, as part of your convoluted and well thought out plan of escape. He gets pissed off and shoots you in the dick. You arrive to a door at the end of the hallway and the guard drops you on the floor to look for the key.
>Also in case someone else didn't see it, the number will be 0 from now on
>>
>>542550575
punch through his pants and fist his asshole
>>
>>542550575

Moan and shout loudly, with a lisp,
"Oh yeah, that really turned me on, can you shoot me again"
"I'm so horny right now"
>>
>>542550575
Retrieve your mutilated gentials and shiv the guard with them
>>
Bleed to death from gunshot wound
>>
taste penis blood
>>
>>542550575
run back to the dark room
>>
pick up bit of dick that came off from the gunshot and ram it in the guards mouth
>>
>>542550575
attempt autofellatio.
again.
>>
>>542550575
do back flip and kill him with one single thrust of your big toe
>>
>>542550720

God damn it
>>
>>542550575
Open the door (it wasn't even locked) and run off.
>>
Ask the guard if he has accepted Jesus Christ as his lord and savior
>>
>>542550720
I've been a lucky bastard today :)
>>
>>542550720
WINRARRR LOOOL
>>
>>542550720
damnit
wanrar.
i gues
>>
>>542550575
Put flashlight in a broken condom, turn it on, look around.
>>
>>542538995

>i look to see what kind of photographs are being developed in here
>>
>>542550720
you bleed as the guard opens the door to the outside. You feel the fresh air in your face one last time before you die. You have escaped.
Game Over
Continue from checkpoint?
>Yes
>No
>>
>>542550903

what does that acomplish?

>>542550954
kek
>>
>>542550575
Bite his leg and rip some flesh off.
>>
>>542550575
grab bloody dick and fap furiously until and cum in his eyes
>>
>>542550989
Yes
>>
>>542550575
say:
why have you taken my meds away from me? I get kinda crazy when I don't take them. now seriously, can't we talk about this like adults?
>>
>>542550989
Attempt to take over guard -> shoot own dick
>>
>>542550989
yes
>>
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>>542538995
sdfg
>>
>>no
>>
>>542550989
yes but attempt autofellatio as soon as you start >>542551070
FAGGOT
>>
>>542550989
yes
>>
>>542551060
Well, I guess that's it then.
Too bad.
>>
>>542551017
Nothing and that is the point.
>>
>>542551152
shit i meant
>>542551060
>>
>>542551282
More people voted yes, don't be a faggot.
>>
>>542551282
Plot twist: We wake up and the real game starts
>>
>>542551282


WAIT

>>542551070
>>
/bite tongue
Ded
>>
>>542551375
i agree
>>
>>542551405
Look around
>>
this is seriously the most creative thread I've seen on /b/ in a long time. OP is a cool faggot.
>>
>>542551070
>>542551490
You reconsider spitting on the guard's clothes. Now that you think of it, your day has been bad enough as it is. You arrive at a door at the end of the hallway. The guard puts you on the floor as he looks for the keys to open the door.
>>
OP let's start fresh?
>>
>>542551490
aww yiss
winrars

>>542551739

begin blowing his pencildick
>>
>>542551739
Start breakdancing
>>
>>542551739
Grab gun and shoot own dick
>>
>>542551739
Lie down on back, stomach up, pull down pants and get a visible erection. Wait for guard's reaction.
>>
>>542551739
Begin to cry quietly, in hopes the guard will comfort you.
>>
>>542551739
Attack him, take his gun. And rape him at gunpoint
>>
>>542551910

This should be good
>>
>>542551896
rollan dolan

>>542551910
jewrar
>>
>>542552010
guard will probably shoot dick

incase of roll an 0

>soft caress his left calf, and notice that there is a knife hidden in his boot
>>
>>542551910
You lay down in the floor with your stomach up, you pull down your pants and get the biggest erection you've ever had in your life. You stare at the guard with a shit eating grin. He looks down at you and says "Hey Hank, where did we even find this faggot?". His lack of interest for your boner turns you off.
>>
>>542552287
begin fisting self until elbow deep.

keep eye contact.

cry somewhat
>>
>>542552287
Get some precum and rub it on the guard. Wait for his reaction.
>>
>>542552287
Tear of your own testicles and eat them while smiling.
>>
if not tied up and no camera

>hide against the wall next to the door
>wait untill someone comes inside
>knock the first guy out(if there is more guys)
>use the first guy as bodyshield
>improvise from there
>>
>>542552287
Grab his gun and shoot your own dick
>>
>>542552386

Reroll
>>
>>542552287
Tell him i'm hank's sexual slave
>>
>>542552287
Start breakdancing with your pants off.
>>
Suplex hank
>>
>>542552287
Attack guard, take gun, rape at gunpoint
>>
>>542552287
Slap guard in the face with dick.
>>
>>542552474

ROLLING
>>
Roar out 'I am the one who knocks'

Then knock yourself out
>>
>>542552407
reroll
>>
>>542552494
Rolling
>>
>>542552523
reroll, fuck hank
>>
>>542552529
Reeoll
>>
>>542552532
reroll
>>
Cry out: Stay out of my territtory, and attempt to sell the guards your high quality meth.
>>
>>542552474
roll
>>
>>542552287
hiss at him
>>
Grab gun and shoot own dick
>>
>>542552680
winrar
>>
>>542541115
take a moment to quietly reflect on just how beautiful life is
.
>>
>>542552748
But... the way it is phrased, you need to rape the gun...
>>
Sprint as fast as you can down the hall straight into the wall at the other end. No slowing down or anything, maybe you'll kill yourself
>>
>>542552836
top kek

>>542552867
plot twist
>>
>>542552867
Rape the guard at gunpoint
>>
>>542552978
You can't change it now, you will rape the gun...

awkward
>>
>>542542298
your daily yoga and calisthenics
>>
>>542552680
Taking advantage of the fact that the guard isn't looking, you jump and pin him down to the ground. You snatch his gun and point it directly at his face. "Now it's done you fucker. I am gonna get that sweet ass of yours right now and there's nothing you can do about it you piece of shit" you say. Hank pulls out his gun and points at you. You really have to start thinking things through.
>>
>>542552949
so close.

quietly waiting for OP...

>>542553043
rape the gun at gunpoint?
>>
>>542552287
>wait until guard isn't looking, throw shiv at guard's head. Get adrenaline rush, steal the gun and shoot any other guards around. Proceed to use shiv to make their anuses bleed, then rape the corpses, one at a time, until you have enough cum stored in them to write "I'm a faggot" on the wall, and paint an arrow towards yourself. Proceed to masturbate anally with the shiv until you climax one more time, then chop your penis off and autofellatio while picking up the keys.
>>
>>542553154
Offer them the highest purity meth on the market
>>
>>542553154

Say, "Well this is awkward", then nudge your eyes towards your crotch. You again have a clear boner.
>>
>>542553154
shit explosive diahrea all over hank
>>
>>542553154
this is /b/ fuck off wjhat is thinking

anyway,

proceed to shove entire handgun up anus.

maintain eye contact through tears (and anal tears)
>>
>>542553154
jump back to your feet and shoot at him, miss and shoot your foot
>>
>>542553154
you manage to kill hank, and them you shit on the other guard for pure justice
>>
Shoot hank in the face and pinned guard in his dick
>>
>>542553154
enter bullet time and shoot kill hank, proceed with rape
>>
>>542553154
Shoot his dick
>>
noclip
>>
>>542553296
reroll
>>
>>542553296

I like the sound of this
>>
>>542553298
rerollan

>>542553420
winrar sweet justice
>>
>>542553154
Point gun at Hank and shoot, then continue with the rape
>>
>>542553241
Reroll
>>
>>542553154
Start breakdancing
>>
weenrur
>>
>>542553154
shoot his dick and commit man rape
>>
Is someone making a collage of this?
>>
>>542553420
The altar of Shiva back in your cell glows, allowing you to move at lightning speed and shoot Hank directly in the penis. It's a Critical Hit. He dies instantly. You put your face right next to the other guard's and mumble "Now, where were we?"
>>
>>542553749
lick his eyeball.

right in the pupil

maintain eye contact

proceed to fist him with the altar of shiva
>>
>>542553749
Put on the song "Sexual healing" on your ghettoblaster while sensually looking to the remaining guard
>>
>>542553749
Begin to sensually move the gun over the guards's body. He faints from pleasure.
>>
>>542553749
Look him right in the eyes, then point your eyes downward, while making an erotic clicking sound with your mouth, making him look at your crotch again. You have a visible boner, and it's leaking precum.
>>
>>542553749
why da fuck r we mumblan

>>542553876
roll
>>
>>542553749
shit on him for pure justice
>>
shoot my own dick
>>
>>542553749
poop scoop
>>
>>542553749
Anal rape the guard with the barrel of the gun
>>
>>542553749
Make guard strip and fuck him in the dickhole.
>>
>>542553749
Suck guards nipples.
>>
>>542553749
anally rape them both until death at ligthing speed
>>
>>542553749
facefuck
>>
>>542553968
reroll
>>
>>542554090
Glorious.
>>
>>542553749
Shoot in his dick hole, oblige him to pee the bullet and insert it in his anus while furiously masturbating
>>
>>542553749
fuck his eye socket
>>
>>542553749
rape with poo shiv
>>
>>542554090
You unbutton the guard's shirt and start sucking on his nipples. He starts crying. While you to do this, your finger slips and you fire the gun, killing the guard. You are now covered in blood, piss, shit and what seems to be pre-cum
>>
>>542553749
Give the guard the gun back and apologize.
>>
>>542554364
eat the guard
>>
>>542554109
>until death at ligthing speed
>ligthing

wut

>>542554373
canadian detected

>>542554364
fist the dead body, and then cover self in cum/blo9od/piss/etc
>>
>>542554364
Proceed to rape the corpses in every single hole.
>>
>>542554364

Look around trying to find somewhere to go
>>
>>542554364
Fuck the bullet hole while screaming in Latin.
>>
>>542554364
Fuck the dead guard
>>
>>542554364
Put Hank and the other guard together in a way that looks like they were having sex before they died.
>>
>>542554364
Put on the guards clothes
>>
>>542554364
puke all over him and your penis in disgust
>>
>>542554364
Cover self in the blood of the guard and masturbate
>>
>>542554508
it would be like war paint
>>
>>542554090
Take gun.
Takes keys.
Open the door.
Get on the floor.
Start breakdancing,
>>
>>542554557
Reroll
>>
>>542554364
Make a suit out of the guards skin then wear the guards uniform over it. live his life
>>
>>542554364
escape into freedom
>>
>>542554612
Reroll
>>
>>542554680
aww yiss

>>542554770
not first

lel
>>
>>542554680
You thank Shiva for her benevolence and bath yourself in the dead guards' blood. You proceed to masturbate for the next four hours until your penis is swollen and red. You no longer have a libido.
>>
>>542554804
Eroll
>>
>>542554951
masturbate
>>
>>542554951
Completely strip down, pull your foreskin back.
Rub your cum in your hair.
Run around looking for someplace to go, maybe outside.
>>
>>542554951
Look around at your surroundings.
>>
>>542554951
Get the keys
Open the door
Get of the floor
Do the dinosaur
>>
>>542555030
You can no longer masturbate. You start crying.
>>
>>542555030
Top kek
>>
Sit there and die
>>
>>542554951
max payne dive into hallway and throw poo at guards and shoot them in dick
>>
>>542555030
toop kek
>>
>>542554951
>>542554756
reroll
>>
>>542554951
Cut off guard's penis, shove it into own anus. Do the same with Hank's penis.
>>
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1394334677532.gif
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>>542555030
>mfw
>>
>>542555115
start looking for an exit
>>
>>542555115
Completely strip down, pull your foreskin back.
Rub your cum in your hair.
Run around looking for someplace to go, maybe outside.
>>
>>542555030
Well then
>>
>>542555115
masturbate again
>>
check guards for loot
>>
>>542541524
10/10 made me laugh.
>>
>>542555115
Look around for anything useful.

>inb4 niggers
>>
>>542555097
Reroll
>>
>>542554612
Rerolling
>>
>>542555115
smash your head into the wall until your skull cracks open
>>
>>542555115
Masturbate with tears as lubricant
>>
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13 KB, 311x250
Try to clean my self take guns and useful stuff guards have and escape to freedom

captcha
hempof sage
>>542555115
>>
delete checkpoint, new game
>>
>>542555115
Put on the guard's clothes
>>
Youre in a series of winding tunnels, all of them the same
>>
>>542555206

reroll
>>
>>542555115
reroll
>>542555259
>>
>>542555236
roll again
>>
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>>
>>542555305
rerill
>>
>>542555170
With tears in your eyes, you cut off the guards' penises and shove them up you ass. Their essence is now with you and you have gained their powers. You are also the most tremendous faggot to ever live.
>>
slap my sister and inject megatron's sperm in grandmother coffin while meditating
>>
>>542555479
Completely strip down, pull your foreskin back.
Rub your cum in your hair.
Run around looking for someplace to go, maybe outside.
>>
this
>>542555410
pls op the other 0 is faggotry
>>
>>542555479
Run down the corridor and escape
>>
>>542555119
>>542555147
>>542555178
>>542555195
>>542555204
I couldnt stop laughing top kek

>>542555479
masturbate
>>
>>542555479
south
>>
>>542555442
reroll
>>
>>542555479
Shit them back out and eat them
>>
>>542555479
Get keys
Open door
Get on floor
Do dinosaur
>>
>>542555479
Eat all the shit that I've shat. Keep eating til I finish. If I vomit, eat vomit and continue eating.
>>
>>542555536
reroll
>>
>>542555479
Try to clean my self take guns and useful stuff guards have and escape to freedom
>>
>>542555479
Cut off your own dick and stick up your ass
>>
>>542555616
rollll
>>
>>542555620
2edgy4me
>>
>>542555643
Oll
>>
>>542555620
You shit the penises back out and bring them towards your mouth, when you see a third guard standing right in front of you and pointing his gun at you. He is shaking.
>>
>>542555620
top kek

>>542555904
masturbate
>>
>>542555904
Shoot his hands off
>>
>>542555785
>>
File: image.jpg (144 KB, 1190x906) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
144 KB, 1190x906
>>542555843
3gay5everone
>>
>>542555904
Masturbate
>>
>>542555904
Make direct eye contact.
Slowly take the dicks into your mouth, and SLOWLY take bites off them and SLOWLY chew them, while maintaining eye contact. Within chews, say "This will happen to you if you don't turn 360 degrees and walk away, faggot".
>>
>>542555904
shoot him in dick
>>
>>542555479
Search the corpsed for a lighter. Light the cigarette, take the keys and whatever you could use in a fight, put all in a bag made out of guards' skin. Use their flesh to build a shrine for Epona, so animals will help you in your journey.
>>
>>542555904


>>542555984
>>
>>542555904
Grin evilly with shit in teeth and creepily say "hello"
>>
>>542555969
reroll
>>
>>542556036
reroll
>>
>>542555904
with the power gained spit radioactive cum to the guard instantly killing him
>>
>>542556057
reroll
>>
>>542555904
Keep eye contact while eating the first dick, then surprise the guard by throwing the second dick at him and attack him, subdue him, then rape him without killing him.
>>
>>542555904
Calmly talk to him, slowly approach him, when you're close, kick him in the balls so hard that his testicles replace his eyeballs.
>>
>>542555479
say "u avin a giggel m8?"
>>
>>542555904
Ask the guard if he wants one of the penises. Sharing is caring
>>
>>542556206
re-reroll
>>
>>542556228
reroll
>>
>>542556231
Reroll
>>
>>542555969
rerooll
>>
>>542555904
throw the dicks at his eyes to blind him
>>
>>542556324
Reroll

Casually ask it though. Pokerface included.
>>
>>542556324
no need to ask. force him to eat it
:)
>>
>>542555904
grab the gun and fire at him, miss and shoot yourself in the foot
>>
Masturbate whilst praying to Shiva
>>
>>542556386
reroll
>>
>>542556393
Reroll
>>
Say, its all ogre now... and fly away
>>
>>542556231
reroll
>>
Put your index fingers into the dicks and use them as finger puppets while approaching him chanting unintelligible garbage
>>
>>542556550
winrar
sigh
>>
>>542556490
If trips disregard this and do this
>>542556550
>>
>>542556490
>>542556676
he was first
>>
>>542556490
I GOT IT YAY LOL ROGHT BEFORE HIM
>>
>>542556823
probably for the best
>>
>>542556760
Well damn i tried
>>
>>542556490
You look at the guard directly in the eyes and raise your own gun. He starts crying something about his family. The divinity of Shiva has run out and you've gone back to your faggot slightly sociopathic self and shoot yourself in the foot by accident. The guard runs away into the darkness, as you are clearly a deranged freak who isn't afraid of anything. You rejoice yourself in your victory and fart.
>>
>>542556589
shrek is love, shrek is life

shrek is also coincidentally drek.

kek

>>542556949
shart
>>
>>542556949
Completely strip down, pull your foreskin back.
Rub your cum in your hair.
Run around looking for someplace to go, maybe outside.
>>
>>542556949
Masturbate and pray to Shiva
>>
>>542556949
follow guard, fail to do so since foot is kill
>>
>>542556949
play with the dicks. dicks are neat.
>>
>>542556949
with the newly acquired powers regenerate foot take gun useful stuff and escape to freedom
>>
>>542556949
limp after the guard to find out where the exit is
>>
>>542556949
chase him while making an obama impression
>>
>>542556949
Plug the bullet hole with a severed finger
>>
>>542557097
reroll
>>
>>542556949
Pray to Shiva and ascend to a higher plane of existence.
>>
>>542556949
become mermaid
masturbate
>>
>>542556949
take the time to enjoy your new found lease on life.
by masturbating
>>
>>542556949
run after the guard that is now standing in your cell, shocked by the the shit and blood on the floor and softly whisper in his ear "its all ogre now"
>>
>>542556949
Shove your hand up your ass, rub your prostate in an effort to cum, because you feel really horny as a side effect of the shiva.
>>
Search the dead guards for keys and other valuables, take them and leave the cell proceeding left.
>>
>>542557175
reroll
>>
>>542557310
fuckin lol
>>
>>542557017
reroll

also, new thread soon before this one 404's?
>>
>>542557310
whelp
>>
>>542556949
Eat one of the dicks, put the other back in anus for later. Take whatever you could use in a fight from the guards, the keys, and a lighter. If there's no lighter, proceed to use the new powers (which let you masturbate forever)to masturbate until you have enough sperm to write "faggot" on the wall.
>>
>>542557310
Everybody knows that mermaids aren't real, but you try to become one anyway. You fail miserably. You resort to masturbating furiously. just touching your penis hurts like hell, but you know that if you keep doing it Shiva may turn you into a mermaid. (Spoilers: She won't)
>>
Jump around. Jump around. Jump up jump up and get down.
>>
>>542557603
have a nice stroll in the pool of blood
>>
>>542557603
Completely strip down, pull your foreskin back.
Rub your cum in your hair.
Run around looking for someplace to go, maybe outside.

START NEW THREAD!
>>
>>542557603
go berzerk all night long
>>
>>542557603
limp after the guard so you can find the exit
>>
>>542557603
Search dead guards for items, run after other guard to find the way out
>>
>>542557603
Masturbate whilst praying hard to Shiva to turn you into a mermaid.
>>
>>542557603
Try to clean self, take guns and useful stuff guards have and escape to freedom
>>
>>542557354
Roll for new
>>
>>542557603
you jump rope into darkness naked looking for the random guard
>>
>>542557603
Wash your dick in the guard's blood so Shiva may take the pain away, then masturbate.
>>
>>542557603
find the guard and yell STRANGER DANGER at his left clavicle.
>>
>>542557818
reroll
>>
>>542557603
use poo disc and kill guard from distance
>>
>>542557808
reroll
>>
>>542557818
reroll
>>
>>542557791
reroll
>>
>>542557839
Eroll
>>
>>542557745
reroll
>>
>>542557851
Shit so close. Reroll.
>>
OKAY GUYS LISTEN
I am out of this thread. Here is a link of screencaps for those who want to create a collage or shit - http://imgur.com/HLOV1u0,gFXhCgL,wq9Jdzx,zlQmnFm,aZWAuN4,IauebB8,pZOQtZc,9Ylx6TL,YDQoJv8,VQWbQIT,AZROSof,Q9AQVt0,7iwMZDK,TVwz5hV,zXlw7AL,oJJ9bUy,9PzmsSu,dECoxG1,MZoOcMh,8GWkOH8,oE3D58d,X44ZOeI,MymrJip,KEe9wYt,ifpEr7D,MXAUdp2,BNs8mKw,OYnJL11,nVeliub,IxRwCG3,qxQwHXl,Qt0h5rt,UY6BLnQ,0yUDFom,dT9kPVE
>>
>>542557748
reroll
>>
masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate masturbate


this many times ^
>>
>>542557953
re-reroll
>>
>>542557818
shiva pls bless
>>
>>542557891
roll
>>
>>542557985
Ereroll
>>
>>542557791
rereroll
>>
shoot yourself in the head
>>
masturbate till penis becomes a weapon
>>
>>542558127
Roll
>>
>>542558110
Hey, some progress!
>>
File: shreking.gif (994 KB, 260x146) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>542558110
thanks shiva OP pls deliver
>>
>>542557603
Take guards key and insert into peehole. Try masturbating more.
>>
File: 1397616865120.gif (2 MB, 320x159) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1397616865120.gif
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I am intently monitering this thread.
>>
>>542557818
>>542558110
Shiva blesses you with a moment of lucid thinking. You search the guards' bodies for anything useful. You find:
-A lighter
-Another note
-A fully loaded gun
-A key ring
-An energy bar
You take Hank's shirt off and use it to clean yourself the best you can and then use a piece of his pants as a bandage on your foot. You open the door with the correct key and step outside. With the fresh breeze from the outside blowing in your face, you light your cigarette and get on a run down truck parked just outside the building.
>>
If this post ends in 0 every stupid retarded story delaying/childish post talking about masturbating or shitting will be ignored
>>
>>542558946
>>542558915
masturbate
>>
>>542558915
Read note, head for trucks.
>>
>>542558915
fap onto the truck
>>
>>542558915
Masturbate
>>
>>542558915
try to open door, locked.
break into and try to start it
>>
>>542559140
fuck yes
>>
>>542558946
Roll
>>
File: 1395758170075.gif (24 KB, 210x200) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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24 KB, 210x200
>>542559140
Sigh
>>
>>542559140
Enduring an excruciating pain, you manage to fap one last time while on the truck. What no, Einstein?
>>
>>542558915
go to the nearest person and ask it what time it is and where you are, read note
>>
>>542559220
too late faggot

>>542559246
heaven id = cunt

>>542559302
touch my butt :D
>>
>>542559220
Again
>>
>>542559302
go to the nearest person and ask it what time it is and where you are, touch their butt
>>
>>542559302
abandon thread
>>
>>542559408
Againiggans
>>
>>542559530
aww shieeet
>>
>>542559530
oh fuck..
>>
>>542559302
smear pot of seven you've been concealing on face
>>
>>542559302
Break window enter truck, search truck and whatever you find eat
>>
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>>542559530
>>
>>542559670
>theres shit in the truck

here we go again...
>>
Sorry OP, a bunch of faggots ruined a perfectly hilarious story.
>>
>>542559783
op is kill
>>
>>542559530
You look back into the building one last time. It has an old neon sign that reads "Thread".You've done terrible things today, and you are more than willing to abandon them. You start up the truck and throw your cigarette out the window. You drive off while the building catches on fire.
You finally escaped.
The end
>>
>>542559783
Sadly yes.
Now let this thread die.
>>
>>542559918
10/10 would play again
>>
>>542559918
awww yiss


now touch the butt
>>
>>542538995
Realize that I must be inside. the Scary Door. Wake up and proceed to watch futurama
>>
>>542559918
nice try man for this strory but /b/tards are so immature that they were just rolling for shit and masturbating...they thought the story was about their daily life...fucking kids
>>
>>542559918
you're awesome
hope you'll do it again some time
>>
>>542559918
Thanks for a good time.
Hopefully somebody capped this.

Also, 515+ replies
>>
>>542560152
i touch my butt everyday
>>
>>542560204
>>542558039
do it yourself
>>
>>542560152
My daily life doesn't consist of fucking kids i thank you very much, you may degrade yourself and fondle small children but i will not expose myself to that sick form of life
>>
>>542560518
I guess this is the time muricunts are back from school being cool in the internet

>U R so hilarious xD HAHAHAHA le lulzz
>>
You did good, OP.
>>
>>542560842
fake heaven
>>
>>542560842
What sir?
>>
>>542560997
I am the real one niggers
>>
>>542561061
>>542561108
>>542560997
>>542560842
fake heavens
Thread replies: 533
Thread images: 15
Thread DB ID: 569



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