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I'm pretty high and i could use some...
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 216
Thread images: 53
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I'm pretty high and i could use some good laughs, let's hear some of the good times you had in your teen years
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>stayed in my room everyday
>masturbated to the girls that were in my classes
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I used to brush off girls who would drop innuendos and other hints that they want to fuck and then I finally lost the card at 26. Is that funny?
I was late once.

i ment you
Pretended to tutor a girl (didn't know half the shit I was saying) to get her to smoke with me, we still have a good thing going too, except now I actually know what I tutor her about though. In a bit of a sticky situation though, want to fuck her too, but she has a faggot bf
>me 15 y/o
>bullied all the time by some jock
>can't beat him up, football dude...
>see his packpack sitting in the hallway during lunch
>take it to the BR and leave a hot steamer
>throw it back where it was
>he opens his bag and leaves class without saying anything at all
>fuck that dude
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>tfw you spent your high school years on /b/
>tfw now in college and nothing's changed
that's it?
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Sold a lot of drugs, bought a benz(used but still) Went to jail twice before I graduated. Now I'm a brokefag and do legit work.
>miss those days
>Be 14.
>Be in highschool.
>A friend is pretty mischievous.
>He begins to irritate the teacher by shouting random quotes from army games like "Fire in the Hole" or "Enemy Spotted"
>Pretending to shoot the teacher with finger pistol (His hand).
>Teacher tells him to stop or he's getting the head.
>Friend responds by flipping his table on it's side and hiding behind it like in the army movies, popping up and pretending to shoot even more.
>Teacher get's very angry and begins yelling
>Be on ground floor room, friend sees window is open (A tiny like slat window like the one in the picture).
>He flips his table the right way round, stands on top of it then shouts "Fall back team" and then dives straight through the window head first.
>Rest of class laughing their ass off.
>Teacher stood at the front looking confused as fuck.
>He gets suspended for a month.
Forgot picture
one time i made fun of this kid whos parents had died in 9/11 by saying things like "they probably died because their son is such a fucking faggot" and there was a rumor that went around that he killed himself but it was all bullshit
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>be me junior in hs
>nerdy ass freshy kid with dumbo ears in front of me
>be steady flippin them ears when teach is not lookin
>Freshy gets more and more angry and withdrawn in class
>keep on flippin
>after one particularly vigorous flip he stands up and starts lady smackin at me
>easily deflect blows while laughing
>mfw he gets suspended
>mfw im the bad guy from an 80's HS movie
i also would put pepper in peoples hair and shit, piss and vomit all over the bathroom just because the one retarded janitor there would have to clean it up and he would always throw tard fits
best shit ever
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>Got drunk as fuck
>got laid
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>I'm pretty high and i could use some good laughs, let's hear some of the good times you had in your teen years

My first year of High School, I was still a short dude and hadn't hit my growth spurt. Stupid jock football asshole was bullying me and making fun of me 'cause I had a big dick (he caught sight of it in the locker-room). He just wouldn't shut up about it. Embarrassing.

Also used to push me against the locker and call me a faggot, then pulled down my pants once in front of a girl I liked.

mfw, I'd had enough, took a surreptitious snap of his junk in the locker-room, emailed it to like EVERYONE in the school (my friend was a whiz and hacked into the school network).

He was super handsome, buff Aryan type, but had a baby dick (gee, maybe he was a grower?).

He was not amused and was accusing EVERYONE of doing it. His teammates were giving him the finger (the thumb through the first two fingers), but no one else was brave enough--or stupid enough--to make the "baby dick" sign at him. He was a bully, after all.

Then, one afternoon, I superglued his locker door into place while he was in football practice after school. And when he went nuts about it (he was blaming his gf 'cause they'd had a bad breakup), I took all his tire caps off and let the air outta' his tires.

When he got outside to go home after dealing with his locker, he found all flats.

A few of us got brave after this, and this dude was beset with all manner of mayhem the rest of his senior year. We couldn't meet him head on, but we sure side-swiped the fucker.

One guy he was particularly nasty to doused his gym kit with "Midnight Jaster" poopy scent. Can never get rid of that smell !

mfw He was killed in action a few years later. He was a war hero! wtf?
just be glad he died
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>be me
>14 years old freshman year
>notice emo faggotus' locker is open
>run to restroom
>take lunch bag out of backpack
>put my feces and weed in bag
>it's a very hot day
>put shit mixed with weed in his metal locker
>rip a piece of shit and smear on his books
>watch his day proceed
The fucking smell holy shit nobody went within a mile of his locker
>inb4 pigs
>inb4 cranes
>inb4 mattress
>Smoked weed in all the bathrooms during classes and inbetween.
>Smoked weed in pricipals office and didnt get caught.
>Smoked weed in my class while teacher was teaching, no get caught.
>Hotboxed the bathroom next to the gym during a big school dance while cops were at the school.
This one time I used the bathroom and didn't wash my hands
>>Smoked weed in all the bathrooms during classes and inbetween.>Smoked weed in pricipals office and didnt get caught.>Smoked weed in my class while teacher was teaching, no get caught.>Hotboxed the bathroom next to the gym during a big school dance while cops were at the school.

what kind of mickey-mouse high school did you go to?

man, they would have crucified you at my high school.
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>in small animal care
>sitting at group table with weeaboo half black guy
>annoying as fuck
>im always drawing naked bitches because i can
>"thats not art"
>nigga wut
>"it's sexist, it's not art"
>do you even watch the anime you look at
>eventually fed up wit dat bullshit
>he has his DS and his iPod touch on the table
>slap it off the table, the ds flies under a table
>iPod flies behind him
>he doesn't notice the iPod, so I get up and "sharpen my pencil"
>slip the iPod in my pocket and take it home
>look through the pictures and see a literal shitload of naked pictures of some gross skinny white girl in the same school
>one picture, she has a candycane in her cunt
>panic while looking at the pictures because i dont want my friend im with to think im going to fap to them
>reset the whole iPod and give it to him to sell for money

>spend the next 6 months playing it cool, tellin that neckbeard I didn't have his fucking iPod
>tell the boyfriend of the girl that I seen naked pictures of her on his iPod

>mfw he broke up with her some time later for cheating on him
> go to party at m8's house
> get turnt
> lot of my coworkers there
> my girlfriend didn't wanna come, whatever
> best friend and girl are obv into one another
> she has them huge tits, damn
> they slink off to spare room as everyone is goin to bed
> makesex.exe
> I go to the bathroom and fap furiously to the sound of their sexual intercourse
> one of the most beta moments of my life
>>panic while looking at the pictures because i dont want my friend im with to think im going to fap to them
we all know you did
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anyone got any drug stories?
they got pissed as fuck with the dance incident though, searched every motherfucker there but couldnt find shit
do tell
I wanted to yea, but I dont want to seem like that guy in public
>got 3 pigs
>wrote numbers 1,2 and 4 on them
>It tooka crane to get them out
our senior year of highschool we let a cow in the building, they can walk up stairs but not down. it took a crane to get it out.
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Threw a quadruple amputee in the pool.
Took a crane to get out.
>senior year
>my ex from junior year and i start talking again
>best bros with her twin brother
>he and i chill all the time
>their parents leave town for a week
>put them on a literal house arrest, they can only go to school and sleep
>best bros sis texts me one schoolnight at 11
>"Come watch a movie with me, anon"
>i show up and she brings me through the back door
>sneaks me through house into parents bedroom
>only tv with netflix on it
>we start watching whitechicks
>"Let's make this interesting, anon"
>we start making out, slowly begin taking off clothes
>we go all the way
>cum all over her and the bed
>lost my virginity to whitechicks
>to a girl i wasn't dating
>my best bro still doesn't know
>we still hang out, this was over a year ago now
my senior year we put a crane in the building. it took a crane to get it out.
>shanked a nigger because he owed me money
>it took a crane to get him out
moar pls
>be me
>physics class
>scrawny swag-nigger always does stupid shit
>he touches my hair (I have long hair even though I'm a guy)
>warn him to stop
>he goes away
>fast forward a week
>makes fun of me for having a hole in my shorts
>so close to punching his face in
>decide to pacifist
>one week later
>nigger puts gum in my hair
>rip gum out
>that's it
>go to throw gum away and walk over to his desk
>nigger runs away
>"what you runnin from?"
>realize he's not even worth beating up even though he's way smaller than me
>week later he has a gallon jug of water to drink in class
>he goes to the bathroom
>I poke a tiny hole near the bottom of the jug and put the cap on so the water dosnt pour out
>he returns
>drinks from jug
>laugh at him for pouring water on himself for the next hour
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>Be 15, sophomore
>Friend gives me a tab of acid for free under the circumstances that i take it right before school.
>He says one tab wont be too trippy.
>Take the tab
>By second period every time somebody talked vivid colors were molding into fractal patterns and dispersing into a mist.
>Try my hardest to not show that i'm tripping shit.
>Few hours later, during lunch, The trashcan outside starts yelling at me.
>Flip my shit and start punching the fuck out of that trash can.
>Beat the shit out of it until security guards come up.
>Attack the security guard with trash can screaming "SATAN IS IN THIS TRASH!"
>Security guards trying to talk to me, can't fucking understand them.
>Peaking by now
>Can't understand anything that's going on
>The world is made of pink and purple.
>They call cops and parents.
>Somehow they don't press substance abuse charges
>next day, friend tells me he knew it would trip me up.
>Tells me it was 1000ud
>Walk into class
>Teacher tells me i'm suspended for 3 weeks
>we put a guinea pig upstairs
> it took a crane to get it out
>doing bad at math, final exam
>do good, but not good enough to pass the subject
>i beg teacher to give me that one point, tell her i will do extra courses and every shit

>teacher parks her shitty car outside school
>blow out a tire


today I regret it
where can i find people like this god fucking damn
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>Still In Highschool

So Last Year
>At School Social (Winter Dance)
>Drink 50cl Of Smirnoff Before Walking In
>Meet The Head Teacher
>He Starts Talking To me
>Have A Full Blown conversation About Being Drunk At Social (I brought it up)
>Play It Off Like A Boss
>Get Into Social
>Find Friends
>Fall Of Seat 5 Times
>Make Fun Of Peeps
>Sober Up Mid Way Through
no you don't
>drive around shooting fireworks at people from our car with a PVC pipe

>go to mcdonalds
>get 10 mcdoubles for $10
>take off the buns and whip them at windshields of cars going the other day

>streak through a neighborhood block party full of 8 year olds

>get drunk and climb on top of our school

>get a bunch of free couches on craigslist and leave them blocking school doors (soak them with water)

>call this spic in a riced out infiniti a faggot, get followed for 20 minutes

nothing crazy at all but a lot of fun times. i miss those days.
more, i know you have more
>Be 15
>new chick in class
>7/10, nice ass, okay face
>Be horny
>talk to her
>she's interested in me too
>Comes from religious family
>still get her to be my gf
>no touching tho
>FF 8 months
>She is now fat
>And horny
>says I should come over and "watch a movie"
>after half an hour or so things get steamy
>She gives me a blowjob
>not really good at it
>move position
>put dick in her pussy
>it got stuck
>it took a crane to get it out
*cars going the other way
you got it bud
>first semester in college
>start dating cute little spanish girl
>she's one of those churchy types that winds up being super kinky
>you know what kind i mean
>we fuck 2-3 times per day, usually between classes or before we go to sleep
>we both have the same 8am class on T+R
>i spent the night because fuck you it's college
>we wake up at 7:30
>decide it's not worth it that day
>end up having sex
>her roommate is still in the room, asleep
>she's literally 5 ft away from us while we fuck
>"anon stop i think my roommate is awake"
>"nah babe she's a heavy sleeper, remember"
>we go for 30 more minutes
>gf cums pretty hard
>i finish and fall asleep
>roommate was awake the whole time
>she heard everything
>she heard my gf moan
>she heard me cum
>she's super pissed
>we do it again the next morning
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>be freshman year
>senior fuck head who tanned everyday
>one of my other fellow freshmanfuckhead yells at him everytime "man tan sucks cock"
>for some reason never finds out it was this other freshman yelling it
>goes on for about a week
>Man tan is super beta
>kid screams in the hall one last time "MAN TAN SUCKS FAT COCK"
>me and my other buddies just chillin watchin this shit go down
>Man tan flips his nipples
>comes after me
>shoves me up against the locker
>tell him it wasnt me that said anything
>he doesnt give a shit, decides to point the blame on me
>tell me he'll come to my house fuck my dad and put him in a wheelchair
>literally said "Ill come to your house and fuck your dad"
>Laugh at what he says
>"You think what I said is funny faggot?"
>tell him hes a fucking retard, has the wrong person and that hes a faggot for saying he'd fuck my dad

>wait a week and find out where his locker is
>Get a master locker key from my friend
>fill his whole locker up with tanning oil, spray tan and all that other shit in his locker
>next passing period comes
>follow him to his locker
>opens locker
>drops his shit, and starts screaming pushing everyone he sees
>flips his shit completely
>assistant principle comes to fix the situation
>only makes it worse
>kid gets into a heated argument with the ap
>starts throwing his shit out of his locker
>making a huge scene
>tells everyone to fuck off
>tells the ap to fuck off
>takes his dripping oily wet backpack, jacket etc while telling every person he sees to go fuck themselves

>followed him to the doors to the parking lot
>calmly and nicely i say, "hey, man tan you forgot this."
>handed him the bottle of oil i used
>he punches me in the face
>he gets suspended
>i get suspended because they all knew it was me
>mfw he opened his locker
>mfw i handed him the bottle
>mfw i found out i was suspended
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i dont get why you would need a bird to get your dick out of your gf's pussy
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True , I can't lie about this

> be senior year
> having a year long furry phase
> always wears tails and shit
> be last class of the day, language class
> lanky nigger in class by the name of Abraham
> super sayian-tier nigger, makes other niggers seem normal and good mannerd as fuck
> everyone hates his guts, even his nigger friends and the teachers
> bell rings
> leave like usually
> suddenly Abraham appears are tears off the tail, rips it in half and throws it in the dirt , grinning with the few yellow teeth he had
> tard rage activate
> suddenly grab his lanky ass and smash his face aginist the nearest wall
> broke his nose and knocked out a tooth
> suspended but it was competely worth it
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you morphed into a toilet??
Anybody have the poop bandit?
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>be 15
>be football team
>1st period gym class (with football team)
>meet with football bros at the weight room every morning
>kid named michael used to ride his bike to school
>every morning at 7:20 this kid would pass by our building
>we used to yell random shit at him when he ride by
>couple months later he used to start popping wheelies when he rode by us
>used to ride a wheelie from the school gate all the way to the bike rack
>thought he was the shit
>we always made fun of him
>called him wheelie mike
>one day
>here comes wheelie mike
>pick up a pine cone
>not a dried up and bloomed, brown cone
>im talking an immature, green pinecone
>dense as shit, pic related
>let it fly as he passes
>good 30 meters throw
>perfect trajectory
>hits wheelie mike right in his big white helmet
>nigger eats shit
>entire football team rolling on the floor
>now start calling him pinecone mike
>wheelie mike took a different route to the bike rack for the rest of school
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mfw that was my thread
Post plz
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>ADHD type kid, always talking in class and shit
>parents think i need discipline
>send me to martial arts
>spend the next 8 years earning my black belt and competing in national tournaments
>i gain supreme willpower and confidence from training
>never disruptive once in martial arts, excellent discipline
>parents really proud, room littered with trophies
>still act retarded at school and end up getting expelled
>my principal actually came to my martial arts class once to witness the "discipline" i had
>he couldn't believe i could stand at attention for 30 minutes, obey instructions and even teach the younger kids
>massive respect from principal after this
>two days later at school i'm being a cunt to a femnazi teacher, mocking her with an irish accent
>she sends me to the office, principal is almost in tears
>"WHY CANT YOU JUST BEHAVE! I have to expel you, over 9000 incident reports on you and it's only april, goodbye"
>get a standing ovation from all the teachers who hate me as i collect my stuff, all of them congratulating the principal for finally taking action
>he actually starts to cry

top lel
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my proof
people snapchatted it to me as well.
okay so we had this religion teacher who was fucking oblivious. We always threw shit at him. He had some rug from his dead wife that he loved.. one day we got 5 milk cartons and threw it. milk was fucking everywhere, and i mean everywhere. His computer was fucking toast, and he couldnt walk back into the classroom because milk was everywhere. Who the fuck would have known 5 milk cartons would make such a mess? His rug smelled like shit, the poor guy cried. No one got suspended, they couldnt find out who did it. Teacher got stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 6 months later.. kinda felt like shit
Good work. At least you can fall back on your succesful martial arts career.
man i cant even imagine being a toilet and having all those asses sit on you everyday, thats fuckedup bro..
anyway..Keep up the good work
brought pot brownies to a pot luck
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>in military boarding school
>grades 7-12
>so much fucked up shit happened
>funniest/most terrible thing I ever saw
>little white kid was forced into rolling suitcase
>rooms were longways, like a hallway with doors facing both sides
>kid is rolled down the hallway
>all the black kids start stomping/jumping on the bag
>kid is finally unzipped
>gets out bag
>covered in blood
>screams "FUCK EVERYONE"
>collapses, passes out
>that was my senior year
>a few years later the kids files a lawsuit saying he was raped
>he was a weakling white kid
>I believe it
>courts didn't
>case dismissed

I seen some shit..
>gets bullied
>gets his bully wet as revenge
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i can't even
>>nigger puts gum in my hair
>>rip gum out
>>that's it
you're a faggot
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>9th grade
>Random German exam
>Bored as fuck, sitting there being non-compliant with their Nazi ways
>Realize I'm in the back corner with noone in my immidiate vicinity
>Teacher is neck deep in marking other shit, and wouldn't have a reason to come over
>Notice I have a direct line of vision to the then-goddess of the school
>She's sitting in a position I could dig, showing some leg, and a nice side view of face
>Think to myself "fuck it"
>Masturbate as furiously as I can without anyone noticing, on the sly
>Best fap I ever had
>By the next year she turned into a disgusting mess
>Glad I got it out of my system

because you don't even know how new you look right now.
>this was over a year ago now
white chicks was only uploaded on netflix about a month ago sooooo BULLSHIT!
Almost every class I take a washroom break to rail morphine, once fucked me and my friends draw dicks on the stalls superbad style
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>be me
>Put butter and hotsauce in a pan
>do shit with eggs
>Make people regret looking at me wrong
>stick dick in a box of cards
>teeth is ugly
>chop people up
>tell cops
>they hang up on me.
>Get the fuck out of my house
>Float in the air like a helichopter
nicely done for a betafag
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ya done goofed man
holy fucking beta
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>be hopelessly beta all four years in school
>get drunk with friends outside of school
>play vidya everytime not doing the above too
>wacraft 3 you are so fun

My life was so avarage and boring I can't even think of a story.
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Another anecdote.

>About 11th grade
>Had moved schools because the teachers at previous school were facist fucks who plotted against me
>Still not really settled in to a friend group, kind of a drifter in the schoolyard
>Find myself with the smokers one lunchtime, behind the memorial wall spot (Safe spot, because one of the teaching assistants looks out for us when she goes off-grounds for a smoke)
>2kool4skool kid from the grade below turns up again, bragging about how much he knows about drugs and shit
>Dude from the grade up who knows his shit gets in an argument with him over how white rhino is grown
>Shit gets heated, younger kid starts trying to square up to older dude
>I'm wondering where the fucking popcorn is at
>mfw younger kid pulls out a shank and lunges at older guy
>mfw older guy is a 3rd degree taekwondo black belt
>He disarms the kid, pushes him, then butterfly kicks his shitty head
>Kid flies into the wall, cracks head on the brick
>Give the dude mad props and end up being best pals with him (still am)
>Younger kid needed 15 stitches and 3 new teeth
>No charges were pressed because everyone said it was self defence
>Little 'stoner' kids, man
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Was there ever any more?
nah not that i remember
Givens: >be me
>be in high school
Now lets get this shit started shall we?
>go to take a piss
>notice a terrible smell as I walk in
>someone just shit kindafigured.png
>take my piss look to the side instead of down
>ohfuck.jpg someone took a dump on the floor
>fast forward two days
>morning stroll through the hallways
>That smell is back thisisnttheshitter.jpg
>follow the smell of shit and look in a classroom
>There's shit on the floor in the room. allmynope time to gtfo
> announcements at 9am "Will the individual who keeps dedicating on the floors in the building come to the office."
>3 hours later right before lunch, announcement "The student who decided to use the washroom on the floor in the washroom
come to the office. NOW."
>The next day there's gym class.
>Go to class, and the doors are closed.
>sweet.jpg I can stay lazy.
>Janitor comes running through to get in.
>Ten minuets later another announcement. "Will the phantom shitter please stop shitting on the floor."
>mfw he took a shit on the gym floor.
Today five years later. Nobody knows who the phantom shitter was.
i remember the phantom shitter
Still do that...I have no shame
>be me
>end us as like fight night commentator, always called on to video record fights between other dudes and commentate
>weird as fuck hearing all that shit years later

>be me
>end up as like ridiculous celebrity voice
>end up being the video guy, everyone had to watch that shit
>end up playing to the crowd and making some absolutely ridiculous videos. fighting, girls, streaking, taking drugs, etc.
>seriously threaten future job prospects

>be me
>hate fucking video cameras ever since

Nigga you better still have some those videos
vids pls
seriously, the way Americans act in high school...

...you guys make it seem as if it must be absolute living hell, like prison or something
> Junior in HS
> Taking AP English
> Have some computer class. Forgot what is was called.
> While in computer class i print out a sign that read, "Class will be held in "some" room."
> The other classroom was at the other side of the school and the second floor.
> Put sign on door when AP English class over.
> Next day a friend in during lunch tells our group of friends what happened.
> So the next English class waited outside In the hot Florida sun for about 15-20 minutes in front of a classroom across the school.
> There is a lesson going on in that classroom. Math.
> teacher comes out and asks why ~20 students are waiting in front of her class.
> they say there was sign on door to meet at this class room
> the math teacher calls the English teacher and the students go back to class.
> one of my good friend in lunch tells everyone that i did it.
> the kid in the English class tells his teacher. he was a little faggot.
> English teacher could not believe that one of her AP students could do such a thing
> I got after school detention.

> I still wonder why know looked through the glass window and seen the teacher sitting right there?
> why didn't the teacher call the office or security as to why non of her students showed up to class?
Haha, nope. I've slowly been wiping them all from the face of the earth ever since. There's still a few floating around though.
it's 1 milligram
>>seriously threaten future job prospects

Your'e right to be worried, and you'll never be told that they didn't hire you because of online shit, either.

You're not alone, though. Lots of people in your generation are fucking themselves over the same way.
The new generation is smarter, one assumes.
>At random high school for track
>Unlocked locker some kids binder inside(the kind that zips up)
>Take shit in said binder and zip it back up and place it back in locker
I would piss on all the rolls of toilet paper day after day in each bathroom until the janitors stopped changing the rolls. Also, took a shit in a cabinet during class once.
>been wiping them all from the face of the earth ever since

But uh...I mean, you understand none of it is "gone", right?
If you're American, your goverment has copies of all of your emails, texts, everything you've ever uploaded, everything you've clicked online, every phone call, search term, even every movement your vehicle has made (google it if you doubt)and it's available to be sold to employment screening agencies -- but you figure you wiped them from the face of the Earth?
Nah, I got to deleting them all pretty early. That was the beauty of facebook. They didn't spread to a whole bunch of devices or anything like that generally, just all were in the one place.
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>be me 14
This was 7 years ago
>be at rival high school for swim meet
>coach tells us to warm up in pool
>stalk rival varsity dude
>take his swim cap to do things with without him noticing
>start warming up in pool, rival dude looking for his cap
>take shit in cap WHILE in water
>hop out of pool and put cap back, squish up and spread the poop around in his cap
>he finds cap and the things done to it
>goes into fit of niggerly rage
>mfw he gets kicked off of team for punching friend in the face because he thought he did it
you obviously dont know what lsd is
> While i was a freshman i loved putting glitter glue on the railing in the stairwell. I would just take a bottle and squeeze it while walking.
> students would always come to class complaining of getting glitter on their hands.

> In ceramics class i had a friend who i suspected was gay. always liked to say the word dicks or penis. By his influence i keep on putting dicks on peoples clay projects.
> teacher is bad ass and does not really care/
> Put huge 1 foot dong in a neck beards backpack.
> he is getting sent home early and packs up.
> He sees the dongs and just flips out.
> slams clay dick on table, and screams "quick fucking with me"
> Leaves furiously.
> teacher tells me not to do it again because the parents called him the next day.
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Last one for now.

>10th grade, before moving schools
>Realize some kids actually still had Pokémon cards and actually brought them to school rather than just not telling anybody to avoid getting mocked hard
>Walking past a couple of these dudes one day, overhear them say that Pokémon cards actually go for good money on eBay
>Thieving instincts increase, think out a plan to make some money
>Over the course of 2 weeks, I integrate myself into their group, spending what money I had on packs of the cards to make it look legit
>Trusted enough to flick through books and decks and check people's shit out
>Employ a technique I used back in 5th grade when I'd rob Pokémon and YuGiOh cards in the playground, and expand it a bit to make it less obvious since I'm working alone this time
>Learn how to tell if there's multiple cards in one slot at a glance, and how to check for quality
>mfw kid had 3 Gengar LvlXs (HeartGold SoulSilver series, IIRC) and was disorganized as fuck, so didn't realize
>He was protective over his shit, despite being disorganized, so it was hard to approach him without later becoming a suspect if he catches on
>Assess his movements, notice that his locker is out of the way and noone really goes there, so I come up with a plan
>Tell him I'll meet him by his locker at the beginning of lunch, he buys it
>I get there early, spill a puddle of water
>When he gets near, move in for a fist bump as per the customs
>Slip, knock his shit to the floor everywhere
>Help him pick his shit up, pocketing some cards on the sly, trying to spot the Gengars
>Luckily, I botched my landing and genuinely hurt my knee, so limped off to the nurse and he went his way
>Put all the shit I stole on eBay
>mfw I made a $60 profit on fucking Pokémon cards
>Slyly milked another $200 total off these motherfuckers before I moved school
>They were none the wiser the entire time
Not American, and that's some high-grade paranoia you got there, lol.

now you're just trolling me.
"Deleted" them from Facebook.
Oh my sides!
I fucked my friend in the ass.

He was gay anyway.
Really?... because I remember watching it on netflix when I stayed at my GF's house after we got home from black Friday shopping in 2012

>implying I have a GF

I remember because she gave me a blowjob and I hated that movie.
Youtube bro, duh.
lol at you fuckers trying to make me paranoid, though. I haven't seen one of the vids in years.
>be muck up day
>pissed in a bucket with a ratio of 1:3 with water
>Put content in a water gun
>spray on peoples faces and with sides exploding
I wish I could avoid acknowledging reality the way you do.
More power to you, /b/ro.
How to "launch" staples?
thanks anon made me spit my drink out
lol, thanks man. I'll just keep on working my 130k job like the world isn't going to collapse around me at any moment.
those trips

1000 ug tab is definitely an nbome or not LSD in geeneral
kek'd hard
One time i was smoking a joint while running to the bus because i was late.
Smoke a huge joint in like 1 minute while running.
While on the bus i start freaking out.
I start to pass out and everything turns grey for about 30 seconds.
I think i'm dead so i'm moving around and freaking out.
People look around but no one says anything.
If i fucking died no one would have bat an eye.
Thanks anon I've never had much OC to Greentext besides my school stories
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>be 17
>be on baseball team
>go to rival school to play them
>show up an hour or an hour and a half before batting practice
>decide to explore the school, it was like a ghost town since it was a Saturday
>teammate comes with me
>he had a master key and we went in a bunch of classrooms
>we wrote stuff on the whiteboards like "fuck you" and "you are fucking fags"
>we decide to go into principals office
>teammate stole stuff and broke s few things
>I took a massive shite on principals desk
>then we played the game, and destroyed them

>Mfw I played my best game that season (4-4, 2 home runs, 5 RBIs)
>Mfw nobody except our teammates found out we were involved
>Mfw we won the state title that year
masturbated in the bathroom a lot
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Back in junior high school, I caught a sudden case of heat fumes diarrhea. The only bathroom I could get to was the dirty one next to the cafeteria.

I'm spilling my brown magma, when two niggers come in screaming that it stinks. One looks over the stall.


Tell him to fuck off to his cotton field.

Then I realize there is no toilet paper. I end up wiping with loose leaf paper from my book bag.

Didn't want to clog the toilet so I shove the shit smeared paper into a nearby air vent.

Mfw that cafeteria cleared.
This is probably my funniest memory, though not necessarily the most obscene/ridiculous thing I ever did (I certainly don't think so anyway):

>be me
>indoor soccer training
>girls waiting for us outside
>ofc I get sweaty balls, it's indoor soccer training
>girls sitting on the wall, 15-16, plastered in makeup ofc
>get up on wall behind one girl
>she turns around
>sweaty dick straight across the face
>massive and absolutely obvious dickprint across the face
>girl runs home

She got over it, too. It wasn't such a big thing.
Not exactly a fucked up story. But back in high school, me and a few friends were the reason they stopped having "Lockdown: Code X" drills (what to do if someone pulls a Columbine). They used to do it once every few months. Anyway, whenever it would commence, and even if we were in separate classes. We'd open the window in the classroom, and climb out. Even on the second floor was low enough to drop off from the first floor roof if you lowered yourself down first to dangle. Got us all suspended for a week each time because it was apparently "Not the right thing to do in the situation." Pfft, I'd rather let the rest of the school fend for itself instead of huddling in a corner waiting to be slaughtered, or attempt to be a hero that would never be.

TL;DR - Me and buds got suspended multiple times for ditching school during lockdown drills.
>mfw he capitalizes every other word
>cut out gloryhole in bathroom stall
>took off shoes and pants so I could not be identified
>gave blowjobs for $10, swallowed for $15, fuck in ass for $25-$35 depending on demand
>made fucking bank
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Ya you're a fucking liar.
Top kek
>be me
>drinking with one particular friend who always brought out the worst in me
>got absolutely twisted and fiesty as shit (pretty sure that dude has some gay tendencies, too, though he fucks a new girl every night)
>crossing the road at traffic lights
>HUGE line of traffic
>cue Danzel - Pump It Up (my friend starts singing)
>my friend starts stripping and throwing his clothes on the bonnet of the car right in front of us
>i follow suit
>mfw the procession of cars starts hooting and people are cheering us from open windows
>nomemoriesbesides.jpg Don't need them, though. That shit was hilarious.

Read to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnq74MaUGc8
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>went to class
>took notes
>maintained A's and B's
you saved that?
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I recognize that... It's a screencap from a gay porn scene, anon...
Are you in my team?
>pretty sure that dude has some gay tendencies
what gave that away?
>oh shit im sorry
>sorry for what
Another one like this:

>be me
>about 15/16
>drinking on like a grassy cliff, sides aren't incredibly steep and are covered in grass, but steep enough
>be with 2 lads and 3 girls, we all pair off
>be absolutely twisted drunk
>start stripping ofc
>cops come
>start throwing clothes off cliff
>cops have to climb down cliff to get my clothes

Oh, and as to why they came
>castle on cliff
>light shining on castle, castle can be seen throughout entire town
>dark, obviously
>get in front of light shining on castle
>you know those finger puppets shows you put on with light, projecting shapes onto wall?
>cock show
>in class
>have to pee
>go to bathroom, every urinal and stall used
>fuck it sink leak it is
>haven't pissed in a toilet/urinal since
Well we used to play a lot of pretty fucked up games, lol. Funny shit, though.
I remember reading a story on here about the phantom shitter. The phantom shitter shitted for a bullied kid!
>The other classroom was on the second floor.
> the next English class waited outside in the Florida sun
pick one
Another story

>still 17
>have a rich friend with a jeep
>his jeep has a PA system installed
>at every red light we would talk shit to other cars
>we also drove into parking lots of mini malls and talked shit to pedestrians

Good times
Not me but a kid hung himself on the bleachers before school started
>go to highschool
>see tall nigger
>see short qt
>get drink from the water fountain
>it's 85 degrees outside, nice summer day
>i wore black hoodies back then
>socially inept faggot
>"yo i feel bad for people like you"
>leave school mid day and cry all the way home
>8 years later i'm the life of all the parties i go to
>find out that little bitch had a kid
>get a chair
>open my cabinet
>top shelf
>top kek

it does get better
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>Be beta faggot
>7/10 chick with big tits asks me out
>Wut .But w/e those tits
>Literally lasts for 2 weeks. Used me for laughs. Laughing stock of a large chunk of the school.
>Decide to fuck with her
>Slide individual pieces of sliced onion into her locker which she rarely uses. Most of her stuff is in her friend's
>Takes bitch a solid week to notice
>Opens it to black sludge all over her lesser used textbooks n shit

1 year later
>Hooks up with trucker faggot
>Gets her preggers or some shit
>She isn't showing after 8 months
>She "lost the baby"
>She has "cancer"
>"Major kidney problems"
>Lies about all of it and has to change school districts
>Comes to me asking to live with me "cuz her mom is unfair"
>Laugh in her face
>MFW I see her two years later, she is still going to bumfuck high school in a town with a population of 102, still hasn't graduated, working at Cost Cutters.
>be 15
>have a bitchy math teacher
>first year teaching
>everyone fucks with her all the time
>she openly talks about how she hates us
>day of a test comes
>some emo kid that sits behind me "I need a calculator"
>she and her lazy self walk over and decides tossing the calculator to him is a good idea.
>i get out from my seat and slap the calculator on the floor while yelling "denied!"
>pieces of calculator all over the floor
>everyone in class starts losing their shit
>teacher literally leaves the class and we have a sub for the rest of the year
Yeah man. Kids are just retarded/insecure, hence all the bullshit throughout young years. It's all schaudenfruede basically. After a while everyone realizes what a fucking idiot they've been and everyone's the same for the most part.
our school does this gay ass "lip dub" thing.
me and some beaner took full advantage of it.

skip to 1:40(right side) and 2:47(left side)
>got a $500 fine for that shit once they found me
I once replaced all the teachers chalk with unwrapped white crayons
>be me
>out vandalizing, as you do
>in a field, lower down than the road, cop car parked up on the road, cops looking out into the field
>have one absolute wild friend (his mother is a cop ofc)
>he's right beside the ditch, just underneath the cop car, loaded with eggs
>cop car window open
>obvious what happened
>be chased for the fucking night, never got such a chase in my life

that girl at 3:17 has a fucking FAT ass god damn id let her use my face as a chair
>Be me
>Bestfriends with bestfriends
>Father dates best friends mother
>Smoke tons of pot with friends
>Get booked
>Father calls BFFL mom
>frend calls me a snitch
>frends bully the fuck outta me
>Fuck friends ex
>Friends with nerds now
>Easter is soon
>Might see old friend
And why so?
Thin plastic wall between stalls
Used a hole saw and an battery drill to make it quick
Wouldnt start until money was passed through hole
Anyone who tried to see who it was by waiting for me to leave got waited out, even for hours, had buddy who would tell me if someone was waiting outside
Administration couldnt give two shits, it was a poor ass school in south florida.
Had a giggle. Nice one.

>> announcements at 9am "Will the individual who keeps dedicating on the floors in the building come to the office."
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>be me
>vandalizing again
>go to kick on particular dude's door, always good for a chase
>dude is just coming out the door, just opening it
>break his nose with door
>get chased for fucking weeks
>nobody - not just me - is able to go into town
too bad shes been plowed by half the football team..
>Be me in english class bored as shit
>Indian bitch who makes fun of autistic kids infront of me
>Get bored and start making small wads of paper
>Throw them into her hair the entire hour
>People next to me laughing our asses off
>Period ends and she leaves
>Feel good
>be me
>senior year biology class
>teacher is a cunt, always mad, always yelling
>we have to open a cows heart, so we can identify the hearts parts; aorta, artery, veins etc
>Cunt teacher hella mad, yelling we need to be carefull with razors, telling us storys of serius accidents.
>It was a team work so our group decided to mess with cunt teacher
>we opened the heart and hide like 4 razors.
>"Cunt teacher we cant find the left atrium, could you help us please"
>Cunt teacher comes all mad screaming we are retards idots etc.
>Gets his hands in the cow heart and within 30 seconds he starts bleeding and screeming he cut himself.
>Starts yelling at us like one of those facial abuse porn videos but ten times worse, jimmys are rustble to the point of no return
>I swear to god i though he was going to smack one of us.
>Thankfully our poker faces were pro like, dening everything and playing conserned about cunt teachers health.
>Cunt teachers thankfully beleives us, and gos to the E.R.
>We got the rest of the day off
>mfw I realize I technically assaulted a teacher and got away with it
well i was expelled from my private christian school as a senior with 4 months to go.

Kinda figured that hahaha.

What kind of school do you go to dude? Everyone looks like they're so friendly to each other. My HS was in New York. Nothing like this would EVER happen.
>be me
>science class
>tube to connect bunsen burner to gas also fits around tap (each desk had gas line and water tap)
>mfw bunsen burner makes best water pistol ever
>retarded school
>bring dugout full of weed to school in backpack
>take rips between classes, using lockers to try and conceal
>get adventurous and decide to take a hit right in the middle of orchestra class, using my backpack as cover.
>totally seen by someone in the class, who tells on me
>orchestra teacher literally standing over me yelling at me, telling me i'm a baby and shit, i'm trying really hard not to laugh
>get kicked out of orchestra
>basically stop doing work in all other classes, because, stupid
>drop out of high school that week
>go to an alternative high school
>still just smoke weed and jam with some dudes in a band all the time
>drop out of alternative school

i have no idea where i was going with this, so i'm just going to stop there.
I had a friend light up a cigarette in class one time and get caught by the teacher, then start crying in front of everyone. Funny shit, lol. Man I was a little bastard

It's quadriplegic you uneducated piece of 0/10 troll faggot uncultured sack of shit
its close to dallas. the school is overall pretty fun. has a good balance of everyone liking each other as well as good fights. idk our school has a pretty chill staff and we got like a completely new school this year so everyones pretty happy.
me and some other kids found a bunch of leftover tile in a new bathroom once, and we smashed every single tile right there, and also wadded up all the paper towels and toilet paper into a wet mess, and basically just desecrated the entire room in a matter of minutes.
> Threw maths teachers car keys on the roof of the hall in 10th grade
> stole a mouse and keyboard from the school supply closet in 8th grade

aside from that I just spent most of my time selling weed to freshmen behind the bike shed...and smoking a shit ton of weed in various bathrooms and supply closets.
>be me
>pants the most beautiful girl in my school by ten million light-years
>from behind
>massive hustle and bustle, everyone just out of school getting on buses
>fall face first into her ass,
>the whole school sees
>Be 16
>Be enrolled in wood shop class as an elective
>Bullied by a fat Mexican kid, absolute dickbag
>Ignore and tolerate him
>Three months go by, kid is a complete douche nozzle, bullying everyone else, fucking up other peoples' projects
>One day enter class, irritated from other things, pissed off
>See the Mexican kid using a belt sander, enamored with his project
>Teacher steps out
>Walk up to the Mexican kid, without him noticing, grab his project throw it to floor, grab him
>Held his forearm to the belt sander for a good 15 seconds
>He screams, blood and skin bits on the machine and belt, everyone stops what they're doing to watch
>Threaten him further that if he snitches, he's gonna have a metal rasp applied to his face next
>Teacher comes back, Mexican kid says it was an accident, his shirt got caught, goes to the nurse
>Everyone else and I never get bothered again
ITT: faggots talking about shit they did last week and matreses and pools and cranes
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whoa man, we're just trying to have some fun here alright?
All of mine's 10 years + ago. Just reliving some funny shit bros. Don't begrudge me pls, lol.
>put two pigs in a crane
>took a mattress
He's not paralyzed you fucking dumb fuckface.
2/10 troll for making me respond
I put a crane in a mattress and I needed a pool to get it out.
>Be 16
>Selling pot
>Bitch is turning 16 and her mom is throwing a hotel party
>She wants me to supply weed for the party
>Bring a quarter ounce to the party in case someone wants to buy some
>Smoking at party and decide to go on a walk
>Come back and someone tells us that the niggers across the hall want to buy some weed
>Go over and sell some weed to them and they're ghetto and fuck
>Go back and party some more
>Bitch's mom takes us all to a bar and buys food for like 20 people at 1 am
>Come back and the niggers want more weed
>I'll be over in a few minutes
>Go over few minutes later with weed in hand because they're across the hall
>Open door and a cop is standing at the fucking door
>I just walk past him and knock across the hall
>"The report was suspicious activity with room across the hall and loud music" -Cops radio 2012
>Then niggers open door and let me in
>I tell them there's a cop out there
>Nigmode activated
>They just flush everything blunts, guts, weed and all
>Light cigs to cover smell and towel the door
>Tell me to just chill and hang
>I'm stuck in a room with these 2 ghetto fucking niggers
>Text friends to warn about cops
>Wait until cops leave
>Go back to my room
>Still have plenty of weed to smoke so we're happy
>30 minutes later Bitch's mom comes hauling ass into the room and she shuts everything down and hides everyone
>People in closet
>People behind beds
>People behind shower curtains
>Cop comes up to the door and listens
>Doesn't hear anything and leaves
>I'm done with the cops coming to this room
>I leave
>One person I drove there comes the other is too fucked up to leave
>Party goes on 3 more days and we came back every night
>And the room was upgraded for free because Bitch's mom complained
I got a few

> put a Swastika bumper sticker on principles car
> repeatedly shit in the urinal
> sold weed to 8th graders
> used science teachers email account and sent every member of staff gay porn
> "borrowed" around 10 usb drives from supply room.

Hey there was that time...

>Be 17, senior year, weeks from graduation
>Decide to commit senior prank against bitch principle
>Brainstorm and conspire with friends
>Decide that we'd try to get into the administrative offices and place in every seat an inflatable doll
>Sneak into school on weekend
>Doors are steel, locks can't be picked
>Unscrew door off hinges
>Leave a special doll and special message "Does this make you wet?"on principles chair, mission accomplished
>Back to school on Monday, disciplinary announcement
>Grad night cancelled as punishment, no refunds
>No fucks given, never bought tickets to any school events anyway
>Best $200 I spent my money on
I don't really have any good ones from being in class. I was just a smartass really, never too disruptive. Used to write to most sexual and ridiculous essays for my female English teacher, though, and she loved it, lol. Got expelled for fighting in the end.
Our daddy taught us not to be ashamed of out dicks
Finished my final year in another school, which was also a laugh, but not half as crazy. I was just taking obscene amounts of drugs at that stage, really.
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> used science teachers email account and sent every member of staff gay porn

fuck why didnt I think of that?
Which school?
>Junior year
>Best friend picks me up every morning and drives us to school
>Pay $300 a semester for parking at school or park on street near school off-campus
>We do the latter
>Eventually one super cold Minnesota day we buy a one day parking pass for 5 bucks
>Just a tan colored slip with name, date, vehicle type, and signature from whoever sold it
>still remember he name was "D Heibel"
>Happen across some a ream of blank card stock of the same color as the parking pass
>scan in the parking pass at home, crop onto word document, print
>works for a couple weeks
>start selling them for 2 bucks a pop to friends who i know wouldn't rat at bulk
>Friends go on to sell them at 3 bucks to random people
>Sold something like 100 fake passes
>made cash
>school catches on inevitably
>buddy texts me he got called down cause it was his name on the pass since it was his car
>says theyre gonna go search the car
>we also have a bubbler and weed in the car
>walk out of class and run down to the car before they get there
>grab our fake pass stash, put in pocket
>grab weed and bubbler, put it under the car
>run back to class and throw out the fake passes on the way
>office calls me down too
>i just admit to making a few fake ones of my own after hearing about people getting fakes
>only suspended one day
>mom says shes proud for the innovation
In Carlsbad?
Crazy story, mate. Obviously true, too.
My school was pretty cool. Never too much bullying going on. We were all just mental together. Used be a whole lot of fighting kids from other towns, though.
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>Fat weaboo kid in class
>swear he squinted his eyes to look more oriental
>always smelled bad
>Had almost no friends, save the people that played Yu Gi Oh with him
>made fun of all the time
>few years ago his dad killed himself
>few weeks ago his mom died
>some kid in class yells "Your dad killed himself because you smell so fucking bad!"
>I called him batman

Not to his face, but I still felt bad about spreading that name around in my circle of friends.
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>Employer learn's I'm a furry, looked at loli, and watched anime in highschool
Nice dude. I'm pretty high too. Worst shit I ever did in high school was always silly bullshit with the computers. I didn't get into crazy shit.
only have one

>be junior
>engineering class
>everyone leaves bags in room when we go to lab
>pretend i forgot something
>see emofaggots backpack
>steal ipod
>repeat next day
>he has another ipod in the same spot
>steal it
>repeat next day
>he has a 3rd ipod
>steal it

i think he ran out of ipods after that cause there wasnt one the fourth day
shit just remembered another one

>group activity in econ senior year
>none of us know the answer
>supposed to write it on notecard and give it to teacher
>prom season
>just right "prom?"
>give to teacher
>everyone laughs including teacher
>proceed to do this for every single question
>teacher becoming visibly agitated
>do it again
>teacher screams "stop acting queer, youre about to cross my line!"
>gay kid in class
>fired next day

>be me
>last year of shitty highschool
>me and buddy decide to just fuck with the school
>start by plastering the bathrooms in wet toilet paper
>start spitting on people's lockers
>popping loogies on the artwork hung around the school
>clogging the sinks in the bathroom
>writing all over the bathroom walls
>taping people's lockers
>the best was clogging the toilets and the soap dispensers
>took garbage bags from the bathroom and shoved them in the toilets
>kept flushing until it flooded out all over the floor
>do this weekly
>ocassionally someone would come in and take a shit on the garbage bag
>friend would punch open the soap dispenser, id piss in the bottle, then we'd put it back
>soap still worked and came out white
>finally after 5 months of making the janitor's job hell, an announcement went out one morning
>vp talking about how all the bathrooms are now closed due to extreme vandalism
>have to walk up to the nearest tim hortons everytime i need to piss
>long hair
>bigger than a nigger
what the fuck anon you probably didn't change when you left school you fedora neckbeard faggot
What an asshole.
Not really fucked up but one of my worse beta moments

>Be couple months ago
>In gym class
>Have only one friend in entire class of near 100 kids (I go to a bigass school)
>Be watching dumbass volleyball video on projector to "learn some moves"
>Sitting alone because friend is out that day
>Out of no where solid 9/10 that I've had a crush on since freshmen year says my name
"Anon why are you sitting by yourself?"
>"Oh... um... bc Kevin's not here"
"Oh okay"
>10 minutes later realize we couldve just became friends at that point
>mfw thinking about the situation 6 months later
>mfw she sits right next to me in my first period class and I'm too beta to talk to her
>mfw I have no face
mmmmngnnh that was satisfying

I actually came a little bit
not that fucked up but still funny

>same engineering class
>making toolboxes out of sheetmetal
>little sharp triangles of metal EVERYWHERE
>take a pocketful everyday
>throw them into the ceiling wherever i go
>teacher abandoned project halfway through
>took laxative
>shit in all the toilets in a bathroom
>other seniors shitting in all of the other bathrooms
>so much poop
>it took a crane to get them out
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i had first hour math with one of my good buddies who also is regularly on the 4chins
he sat in the back and i sat in the front.
one day the autist fucker sitting right behind me is being the regular cock muncher saying stupid shit as always.
buddy gets pissed and says pretty loudly just as the class went silent
"jake youre being a fucking nigger jew"
lose my shit only one laughing
teacher kicks us both out for the day
history teacher bro walks by in the hall
"what did you two fuckers do?'
"sean called jake a nigger jew"
teacherbro loses his shit
still makes me laugh when i think about it
Bit of a tard story as well, but I kinda feel bad looking back at this, but I still laugh in the sense a kid I hated got what he had coming to him.

>Be in 10th grade, moved out of parents home into grandmother's, transferred schools ect.
>Day 1: Went well met some pretty cool people, encounter a kid (let's call him john) who thinks i'm new meat
>john throws my lunch tray on the ground tells me to pick it up
>Kick john'ss ass in a swift motion through a chokehold and a simple leg sweep behind the knee
>Fast forward a month
>New kid comes to town, Don't see him much because he's a tard
>Kid who's ass I kicked comes up to me, "dude, we should fuck with him"
>Figure why not, I sit on a silent throne that, i'm friends with just about everyone, but no one wanted to fuck with me, despite not being popular myself.
>Meet tard, let's call him Joe
>Tard seems pretty cool and very sophisticated, wait this kid's a tard?
>Fast forward 3 days later, tard brings in a 16 inch gundam in backpack
>John decides to fucking steal this kids gundam and decides to try and get revenge for me humiliating him in front of his friends, tells me to hold the gundam.
>The fuck is this shit?
>Tard spots me, instantly screams out like a banshee.
>Tard tackles me, john is laughing, i'm pissed at the same time getting pummeled by retard taps.
>Tard stops attack and looks back in confusion
>Why aren't you fighting back?
>me: I was trying to fix your fucking toy.
>tard gets up notices part of the arm was fucked.
I once wrote a pretty lulzy story about my fatfuck chemistry teacher Mr. Atkins who made it hard on everybody - the powerpoints were even more annoying than he was. While I was working on the end of the trilogy, he got cancer (and therefore got skinny), lost his job as the coach of the basketball team, and his wife divorced him.

I was fucking pissed. Had to scrap most Fatkins III because the fat jokes didn't apply anymore.
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10/10 anon, top lel
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