-Suicide- So I have a strong strong desire to die. Not here

--cont.

How does one turn idealization into action? They have to build up their tolerance for pain through many traumatic experiences. This can range from as mentioned, self harm to something as simple as seeing a dead body. That builds up over time to build a lack of sensitivity regarding danger, death, pain, and injury.

I do not have that acquired capability. But going out and making my "attempts" to shoot myself is bringing me closer. This shit is science.

thoughts?

if you really want to kill yourself, you gotta know how to follow through on something. That's my take on it. I've never had such thoughts but I can relate to in another way. Like the fear you have when you're practicing a skateboard trick disappears when you know you can follow through and not hesitate. This has become a second nature for me in life and I think if I really wanted to end my life that I would just pull the trigger and don't look back.

>>540850981
you think you would, but pulling a trigger is different from doing a skateboard trick. The mind has a very deep instinct against ending one's life.

>>540849278
Even if it's this thread is last thing you ever do, thank you for the knowledge on the subject

long story short you want to shut off and stop being a pussy long enough to pull the trigger

i'll give you a little tip op, get you closer to the edge. being is living and wanting to live, if you shut off the consciousness of being you can turn off who you are and disassociate yourself from just you as a conscious individual

now, this alone won't override your natural survival instincts but its a good tool for helping you fight past them

I hate every edgy faggot who wants to die and lives in a 1st world country. There are billions of people in 3rd world shitholes who would give anything to trade places into your shitty life that is so bad you want to die.

Man the fuck up and realize that just by having internet access you are in like the top 10% of humanity.

>>540851313
Hmm that could be. But I also think that you can convince yourself that life has no worth living and that being a keyfactor in following through. I once read an interesting essay on that matter. Albert Camus -the myth of sisyphus.
Anyway, if you believe in that excuse, that the mind has an instinct, that doesn't allow you to act out a deed then it will be so. But if you can stray away from reality, ending your life is childsplay. So my guess is suicide is like a fruit. It must ripen till it rots.

>>540849278
kill yourself and stop talking about it you attention seeking pussy

>>540851737
I've had too many long walks home after failing to pull the trigger. I know there is science behind the mind and I know that there is science behind the mindset of a suicide victim. I wanted to know why I was different.

And most of you who feel like you want to die will feel the dame way, as very few people who have the desire to die have the capability.

If you want to measure the acquire capability as well as feelings belongingness and burdensomeness then there are several scales available in the following document:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDAQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psy.fsu.edu%2F~joinerlab%2FHome%2520Page%2520Folder%2FINQ_ACSS_fullversions.doc&ei=LZVAU8OWGIHQsQSfxIGQAQ&usg=AFQjCNFGgwqzAgWQnLizc7PUABA8LCqM7Q&sig2=W_Ds2eQduIQnpllVSO11UA&bvm=bv.64125504,d.cWc

You cant pull the trigger because you are a coward.

>>540852162
Well of course that is a key factor in following through because perceived burdensomeness and thwarted belongingness are vital for the desire to end your life. It doesn't matter how badly one wants it if there is no capability.

>>540852225
yes let me bask in the attention of an anonymous imageboard it feels so good on my body.

>>540852360
Maybe try watching a lot of death videos to slowly help the process of desensitisation to it, it's never the same from internet to real life but surely it'd help

>>540852139
Ugh. Please read what I had said and what brings about the desire for suicide. This is science. It is proven.

>>540849278
>So I have a strong strong desire to die.
>strong strong
We have something in common there you mongoloid.

>>540852858
Unfortunately media does not have such a strong effect. The dude who came up with the interpersonal theory of suicide came up with a scale. Media was at 0 as far as desensitizing. He gave an example of a failed, highly lethal suicide attempt as a 10.

go lift

>>540853415
lift the gun up to my mouth and pull the trigger

CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIN

>>540849278
normal depression about bad life events will change always, you will be depressed or anxious for periods but when good things happen you will be happy again. just let it pass.

if you are truly depressed for no reason as much as being suicidal for no apparent reason, you probably have a physical wrong with ur brain and after trying lots of anti depressants will work eventually. they wont make u feel like cocaine but they will make you able to snap out of a depression and be happy if u try.

shoot some smack or whatever if you are suicidal, anything but suicide. smoke meth, anything to bring you out of depression. its better than suicide, and might help you get through periods of it temporarily

>>540852139
There is only a limited correlation between material wealth and happiness; after you have the basics, more money won't make you happier.

>>540853682
I'm pretty certain I want to do this. Please respect my decision.

i don't think its fear of whats next that keeps most people from doing it. when i was 10yo i was ready to pull the trigger with my dads shotgun because i had nightmares and saw the horrors every time i closed my eyes. i was sure i would go to heaven if i did it but i couldn't pull the trigger. i still havent figured out why i didn't do it

lostallhope.com
These people will hold you up when no one else will, please, go there, trust them. They'll be able to pick you up.

>>540852658
Isn't that absurd... I also think that suicide is the highest form of selfishness there is. I might assume that thoughts of how life will carry on after your death surely arise. How people will think of you etc. But you fear the unknown possibilities more than you fear the unknown itself. So if you keep on wanting to get a hold on life and its possibilities, you won't ever come as far to end your life.
Am I right?

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I'm perfectly fine with your decision, however I'm just curious about some things. Are you ever bothered by the thought that death might be worse than life? Are you a spiritual person?

>>540853847
It's not about fearing what's next. For you it was likely a fear of the physical ramifications of a shotgun slug going through your head although you weren't aware of this fear. Your mind definiitely was.

>>540849556
I do the same as you except I tie a noose around my neck and every other week or so I let it get tighter for longer. Eventually, I hope I will do it with my hands tied so there is no way to save myself.

>>540853841
you can do it if you want to. but are you really gonna make everyone you ever known as depresse or more depressed than you after you die, just becuase you were feeling down. there are even other fixes for it like therapy, antidepressants, anything, take drugs as i said to get out of it anything that isnt suicide.

but instead you are gonna choose the one option that leaves everyone and you in pain not smart dude

>>540852139

life is simple when you're some rich clown from suburbia you stupid presumptuous faggot.

sit down and shut up.

>>540854151
Suicide is a desperate act by someone who is in intense pain and wants their pain to stop. That is a HUMAN response to extreme pain, not a selfish one. And over 90 percent of the people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death, so they are not thinking clearly.

Saying that a person who had severe clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or a similar illness was engaging in an act of selfishness when they died by suicide – even though their thought process, mood, and judgment were greatly affected by their mental illness – is not only inaccurate, but downright cruel, to both the suicide angel and the suicide survivors.

And those who use the word “selfish” are merely helping perpetuate the STIGMA associated with suicide.

A suicidal action that manifests from intense, excruciating, unbearable pain associated with a serious mental illness has nothing to do with selfishness. Period.

>>540854224
nope. I'm assuming that if there is a God I will be in paradise. Talk about the bible and sin all you want but the fact of the matter is if God is real he is compassionate.

>>540853847
dunno maby people who do you dont hear about bcause their dead so it just seems like plp dont do it. i dunno

>>540852139
Hmm, there are 2 kinds of suffering. One from lack of life and the other from an abundance of life. It's still essentially the same feeling of suffering.

(got that from a movie)

>>540849278

do you think that after death you get to live in some dream of yours before shutting down forever?

hey can you livestream it for us if you ever do decide to go through with it?

>>540852162
Actual advice on /b/ from an ineffectual

I thought I'd never see the day

>>540855092
I will be a very rural area. I have no desire to be found by anyone but police.

The plan is to schedule a text to a person that I'm not really close or care for saying "you call the cops tell them to go to x cuz I'm dead"

That way I can avoid having to call myself in case I hang up and don't go through with it. With a scheduled text I can always unschedule it.

>>540854151
no

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
-David Foster Wallace

>>540854596

Does your intellect really comprehend the meaning of eternity?

Because i believe that no person ever alive really knew how terrifying and at the same time futile eternity is

Srry for englisherino

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Watch this amazing TED Talk about a woman having a stroke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTrJqmKoveU

>>540854918
I think that you die. Hit the brainstem and you're off like a light.

>>540855130
intellectual*

Only reason I dont suicide is because of my family. I dont want to be responsible to their grief

>>540855439
it won't have to because there will be no intellect to speak of.

>>540854151

take the example of an iraq vet with ptsd, depression and no support network.

now tell me again how they are selfish.

>>540855525
exactly, and isn't that the point of suicide? not to live in a dream state, or go somewhere better, its to just stop being. To finally escape all the pressures and pain. To just have an end.

>>540855767
I said that a lot too in the past. But is living and desiring to die really living? You're living dead already.

>>540854596
I disagree my friend. It has everything to do with selfishness.

The very idea of thinking about your own death is the epitome of selfishness. Think about it, you fantasize about how others will be planning your funeral and whatnot. You have just become a certainty in an uncertain world. You are dead. If that's not selfishness then I suggest you read this book: the suffering of young werther.

This book was a leading cause of mass suicide during the Romanticism era.

Also, committing suicide because of intense pain is like crying out to the world "look how much I suffered and now I'm dead because of it" Isn't that selfish? Wanting to end it for yourself but you also want others to know your pain. Because they will absolutely try and find a reason for your decision.

>>540855767
take them with you?

>>540855962
sometimes, life is like reading a bad book

>>540855962
it absolutely is.

>>540855962
As someone who is ..i guess suicidal, I'm working my way to it...ugh no. Going to a place where I am happy and not in a premature broken body and brain would be awesome. But that place doesn't exist.

There are a lot of people who deserve to die more than you do. Maybe you could do the world a favor and take one or two of them with you. Killing two birds with one stone, so to speak....

>>540856080
isn't the entire purpose of life to fulfill one's wants and desires? Why should I sacrifice the the only one true want and desire (that of escape from this reality) just to appease others? Sounds pretty selfish of everyone else to put the burden on me.

>>540856080
I don't fantasize about my funeral. It is a very harrowing image in fact. Please realize that suicidal people think and plan for a very long time, and the impact that it will have on others does cross their mind.

I'm sorry that you do not understand this.

>>540856080
see
>>540855395
before you make an even bigger ignorant ass of yourself. The irony is you don't see that the only one who is selfish is you. Someone is in such despair that ending everything they know is their only comfort and all you can think about is how it affects you or the rest of the world. That is the king of selfishness.

>>540856324
I have a few people in mind. But effort you know?

I don't even have the energy to shave my face let alone go to all the trouble of murder.

>>540856080
whats wrong with being selfish esseasly if your dead

Even though the subject matter is not the happiest, this is the most intelligent thread I've seen on /b/ and I've been here a while. I'm floored.

>>540856519
I also want to point out that these thoughts perpetuate the stigma attached to suicide and shame for the survivors.

>>540856571
True, true. I know that feeling.

>>540856654
I have a lot of devotion to researching this for myself.

>>540855962
have you ever tried drugs
why do you think people use drugs. try them sometime, you will understand that there is a carefree dream land where you can go whenever desired which feels better than suicide for sure.

just really confuse why people would actually kill themselves before considering every other option. anything you ever want relief from is already possible in this world one way or another.

i am 99% sure every person who killed themselves have been impulsive people who just lost their daughters, and thinks they will always feel like this. in reality it will go away. and stop saying its cause of your "mental illness" you are perfectly rational and know every outcome of your decisions yet you choose to do it becuase you are convinced you have no choice when you do

>>540855395
Alright that was an interesting read, still I stand my ground and am convinced that suicide is selfishness. Because of the difference in planning suicide and jumping from a window because of fire. And the difference is 'time'. The first one you can contemplate, the second one you have to act fast. So when death is the only option you can follow through easy, but with the possibilities of life you are chained to the world.

Has anyone here survived an attempt? How lethal was it?
I'd love to get someone in here that survived something like a suicidal heroine OD or gunshot wound.

do anyone know ways of getting drugs without going to a therapist? ways i can just go to a doctor and get a prescription in 10 minutes? i tried going to a therapist but the only one here is a bitch who calls me pathetic and stupid for confessing. going to another is impossible since it the goddamn goverment and they will simply transfer me back to her if i apply in another office. complaining about her will just lead to her having me laid in a mental institution with papers saying i have schizophrenia and ruin my chances of getting anything but shit tier jobs ever

>>540856751
Yeah, but the only shame in suicide that is the result of mental distortion is that the help they received was null or that no one ever cared to help them because that person was a burden and too sad to be around (my closest friend told me this...ex closest friend) or that they didn't live long enough to see if some sort of help could aid in their survival

>>540857095
Oh yes you can contemplate it allllll day long believe me. But to your mind the fire is there and isn't going away. It just gets closer and closer until the flames are out or you jump.

>>540857136
What city do you live in? Even if it's small tell me what it is and I'll look into options for you./

>>540857454
finnsnes, norway

>>540857051
in reality, I have probably taken more drugs than you ever have or have even been able to get your hands on. Yes those trips have all been fun, but eventually you come back to earth and you are back to square one. Drugs don't fix the problem, they let you hide from it.

Most people who will kill themselves have tried numerous other options. Very rarely is it a decision made on a whim, and most has a lot of planning behind it. The reason people chose this method is because they "have no other choice", but it is because this choice is the only one that they feel will attain the desired results.

I got as far as some anon bringing up Albert Camus and had to stop.

Look, life's weird man, and it hurts and shit, but what ya gonna do, right?

I mean, pain isn't that bad. Or not for me anyway. I'm a long-time popper of pills and whiskey doubles to keep back the pain. It's the mindlessness/meaningless of it all that get's me. Even when you're feeling good, there's just such emptiness, it's like "What the fuck!" and then what are you gonna do?

I think just fuck it, YOLO, take drugs, fuck bitches, get money, be someone decent for someone, make some little kids smile, be a decent dude. I mean, if we're hoping any of this adds up to something good, then stop piling more misery down on top of it, that maybe it might have a better chance.

Look... I dunno, man. Albert Camus was such a whiny crybaby, though. That dude didn't even have to deal with lolicon or wincest or none of that shit, and he still spent his entire life moaning about absurdity. Goatse, meatspin, BME Pain Olympics - go fuck yourself, Albert Camus. Hurr dur, the man is friends with a dog ;___;

I say fuck the world, I'm disco Jesus baby!

>>540857684
welp shit. can't read your moon language man. I wish I could tell you more but I know nothing about norway.

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I don't think suicide is always a bad thing. People say it's a selfish act since it causes your loved ones a lot of pain but I think its selfish of them to want to keep you around just because they want you. I think some people have the strength to die while others have the strength to live.

>>540857095
You obviously didn't read the quote.
"no one standing on the sidewalk screaming 'don't jump' will ever understand


just stop. The time in which you have to act is not a factor that changes the perception of selfishness. If anything, the time in which a suicidal person is considering suicide, they are also considering life, at least in my case. But in the cases of those who do commit suicide or attempt to and fail there was no stopping in the downward spiral. Suicide isn't what anyone WANTS to do, it's the only thing that eases their mind. not you, not their family, not medication, and in most cases all those things make it worse because they are just like you. telling them they are even shittier for being who they are when they have no real control of their craving for peace (death)

>>540857275
Yeah, I don't really had much time contemplating suicide but I've read about it a few times. And maybe it's my lack of experience on this matter but I still believe it to be an act of pure selfishness (not all suicide, like martyrdom and whatnot) but most is.

Selfishness on your own part: ending your suffering and not existing, the last choice you'll ever make.
Selfishness in relation to the world: Thinking about how life will carry on after your death.

>>540857970
I don't think anyone is selfish in a suicidal situation. Even the survivors left behind are just ignorant of the reasoning.

I'm talking about a suicidal person contemplating it. It is definitely your inexperience talking

Anyone else really fucking want to be dead already just to see?

>>540858032
Meh, I find that answer way too simple to accept. Read Camus - myth of Sisyphus and you'll get where I'm coming from.

I wasn't planning on having a discussion here, but my responses sure stirred up some shit.

>>540857907
Have you ever received treatment?

>>540857938
thanks anyway

>>540857119
When I was younger I did a rash act of stupidity and tried to OD on painkillers. I took to many and woke up feeling absolutely horrible in my own vomit and then realized that I was still alive.....to fail even at the only right you naturally possess was just another kick in the nuts.

>>540858554
It has to be a simple answer in order for someone who has no experience with those feelings to understand. And even then, they never will.
I am envious of you

>>540857136
A recent trial suggests that ketamine has potential for relieving depression. Since it's used recreationally, you should be able to find some. Just do your homework; I hear it can have some nasty side effects.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-26647738

>>540858554
>blah blah existentialism blah blah suicide is more absurd than the absurd because it doesn't counteract the absurd

>>540858687
what kind of painkillers?

Nah, mang. Don't need it. I'm Vash the Stampede, altruistic robot, immortal. And my dog would be lonely if I offed myself, too.

>>540857907
Hahahahahaaa. I agree that Camus is a crybaby but his philosophy on the absurd deserves more credit than that... It's really quite a achievement if you ask me, to be able to pinpoint it that well as Camus did.

>>540858860
The effects are only for those who have bouts of depression, not those who are manic.

>>540858595
Nah, mang. Don't need it. I'm Vash the Stampede, altruistic robot, immortal. And my dog would be lonely if I offed myself, too.

(New here)

>>540858921
pretty much.

>>540858940
some generic brand of vicoden that my moms was taking. Her memory is such shit that I would take a few here and there until i had about 20 or so. Took them like an idiot and then everything is blank until I woke up a few hours later. This was like..6 years ago back when I was still in High School.

>>540859213
>(New here)
how are you new to /b/ in 2014?

>>540859030
I really fucking hated him, lol. His philosophy seems is the whiniest shit I've ever come across, to be quite honest, and it doesn't even sound like the dude had it bad. We're the true children of the absurd, and I'm not whining >:D

>>540859321
And that literally means jack shit.
Oh, so some dude says that I shouldn't kill myself because it doesn't solve the problem
WELL NO FUCKING SHIT
If I could fix the fucking problem I wouldn't kill myself.
Anything else?

>>540857723
"trips" are you talking about psychidelics. I'm a huge fan of drugs as you can tell, but theres people who take an opiate in the morning for pain their whole life for example and they have a better life quality with it.

when I take oxy, hydro, meth or some other favourite drugs I usually lose all anxiety, feel confident, feel really excited about life, feel the best I have ever felt, find enjoyment in anything.

Think about it, snort 1 thing and you will feel better than you ever have in your whole life just from a snort away.

lol honestly if you are that depressd you will wanna keep living only to use meth, which isnt probably a bad thing if you are suicidal but if you ever snap out of your suicidality you wont need it

>>540859650
Well, I enjoyed reading what he had to say. He just put the meaningless of life in a a new light that I never really thought about till I read him.

>>540859689
uhhu, I think you're missing the point.

>>540860326
ugh...no you are. That's been the whole point. But you will never understand, and I am glad you wont have to. I wouldn't wish this hell on anyone. You have no idea how great it would feel to be ignorantly blissful again.

>>540859817
I prefer psychedelics as they were really the only ones I ever would have fun and feel more upbeat on. Heroin, oxy, and the rest made me just lounge around doing nothing, and for the most part feel like there was no point to being even awake that day or doing anything with anyone.

And how can you even say someone should be a meth addict instead of completing the one thing they want, which is escape from the reality that is? Seriously? Wtf? Besides, with consistent drug use, the body actually becomes more depressed and the use of the same drug is used to only achieve a baseline state that would have been equivalent to me just being sober and still hating life. Why would I want to even be anywhere close to that situation?

>>540860326
Read Nabokov bro. That's beautiful absurdity for you. I mean, there was no need to depress the absolute shit out of me in order to enlighten me to the absurdity of it all (not that everyone isn't already aware of the absurdity of it all already, btw) and he's light-years more profound than Camus when it comes to human psychology.

>>540849278
Always reminds me of The Road by Cormac McCarthy
"Nobody wants to be here but nobody wants to leave"

>>540861070
Alright then, I've got no time nor the will to discuss my view on camus with you but thanks for the blessings anyway.

I read that book twice for that matter and even discussed it with my professor back in uni.

>>540861312
II will, thanks. I can read Russian so I'm gonna try and find it in original language.

Have you ever read Dostojevski? I imagine it being much in that style of work.

>>540854596
mental illness is a spiritual problem 99% of the time.

I just about offed myself when I was younger. two kids now and wife. glad I am still around.

found God. cliche but it works.

>>540861818
Professors are only paid opinions

>>540862401
That's pretty cool. I'd check out English, too, though, while you're at it. I've never read anything so artsy and well put together.

And yeah, I've read a lump of the Brothers Karamazov. Different kind of author, though, I think. He's more preachy, where the other two are lost in a miasma of seemingly random sensory. Certainly Camus couldn't preach anyway. At least with Nabokov you see some hint at a solution, but with Camus it's absurdity through and through. Though not that Dostoyevsky doesn't get into the absurd, either, by the way. It's just I doubt he does, to be honest. I imagine he's quite like J.K. Rowling, from what I've read.

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>>540854596

you do realize that it isn't Gods judgement that sends you to hell. Its because the Lord God can not be in the presense of sin. We ask forgiveness from Christ and we are washed clean by the Lord. If you an hero you go to hell simply because God can't be in the presence of sin.

When Christ died on the cross he went to hell because he took the sin of the world on his shoulders and that's why God shunned him.

dude if God is real he won't let you into heaven.

Have you watched the many experiences of NDE's that suicide and end up in hell?
Just imagine that's where your going....

I have PTSD and have attempted suicide before. Never again. It just hurt like hell and I woke up with puke and blood all over me.

Albert Camus' The Stranger summed up in a few sentences:

-I wasn't sad when my mom died.
-The man was crying; another man was friends with a dog.
-I killed him, it was the sun, the sun did it.
-There is no god. Men are friends with dogs, and the sun kills people. It's all absurdity.

I mean, come on... lol. Nabokov, then, is such a fucking psychological genius.

>>540849278
I've been like that for 7 years now.

First suicide attempt: Slitting my wrists. Almost bled out but my sister came home early and found me.
Second attempt:Taking a fuckload of sleeping and pain pills. Lots of horrible throwing up and pain.
Third attempt: A slipknot noose. Fucking ceiling broke.
Fourth attempt: Russian Roulette.
Fifth attempt: Russian Roulette. The guy after me got it instead.

After all that, I decided that continuing to be a gangbanger would kill me. Nope. Killed all of friends though. Not a single one of my old crew is still alive. Either they killed themselves or they gave up on life and died in the street.

I expect that God certainly had a hand in all of that. When you try dying more times than a cat has lives, the Universe, or whatever deity there may be, has plans for you.

So take it from someone who was in the kind of place you're in. The pain may never stop, but life gets better man. I have my own house and a calm, high paying, easy job.

Or kill yourself. I gave up trying a long time ago because I always had a little voice telling me that it'll get better

>>540864814
>>540865154

I did the second one. Not sure if he only saves the ones he has plans for man. Someone is looking out for me. I'm about to be a cliche' success story here. I'm 25 and been dating my gf for 1yr 6 months and we have a baby on the way. Shit is cash. My life is currently cash

>>540849278
I suffer from depression, about a year and a half ago I had reached my peak and I couldn't cope with even waking up. I got home from work and I went into my bathroom with the 9mm my dad gave me when I moved out. Gun hadn't been fired in twenty years, I just had thought about ways to kill myself that entire day, I desired a gun, as shooting has always been one of my favorite things. I wrote a six page suicide note which I still have to this day, I read it when I'm sad to know I never want to go back there, but anyways, I put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger, it didn't go off, little did I know the firing pin had been removed I guess. I actually thought I was dead for a moments time, and had felt nothing but clarity and relief, only to open my eyes to nothing. I sat in my bathroom for 2 days, crying for most of it, didn't go to work, anything. I realized after those two days that killing myself isn't worth it. A couple months later I met my beautiful girlfriend. I still suffer from it horribly, some days it's bad. But it's nice to have somebody I can relate with and love for once. She has depression almost as bad as I do. I'm not going to go in depth as to why the two of us are depressed, but we work together to keep eachother alive. She's honestly the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. But I still fucking urge to just end it. I hate most aspects of life. I was a very abused child, and had a few certain things happen throughout my teenage years that have permanently scarred me. But I still go on, I hope someday I can travel the world with my girlfriend, that's really all i look forward to. And I'll take it instead of killing myself.

>>540864814
>
you should also realize that the bible is not the word of God... but a series of books of old stories written through a game of telephone open to many interpretations

>>540865027
Camus was an everyday man's philosopher when it came to The Stranger. Without the need to impress University Dean's or anyone at all. He said it the way it should be said, simple.

I tried to kill myself before. I took a whole load of these temporarily legal pills, like 10 of them back to back, as though I might take some sort of honorable death in getting those pills made illegal more quickly, like in that last Wolverine movie, and what happened? I was absolutely fucked for 3 days, couldn't get out of the bed without passing out and splitting my head open. I was upstairs, too, so I had to piss into bottles for days, couldn't even have made it to the doorway of my room, let alone down the stairs. And, then, on the third day, in accordance with the scriptures, I rose again like Jesus Fucking Christ... Ever since then I've not really bothered. I mean, there's a fucking cosmic joke for you, right? You try to get out, but it keeps pulling you back in. Jesus Christ, mate! You all right?

Oh, I fought a whole load of giant dudes and crashed a lot of cars too, but I don't really count them.

>>540865491
>
That's because you suddenly got your sense of belongingness with her. I'm happy for you.

i just want to point out how true this theory is. Do you feel as if you're burden at all?

>>540865725

if Christians like myself believe the power of God, how can we not believe that he had influence in what ended up in the Bible?

Like he could flood the earth but can't control what goes into the story?

I understand free will but if you believe like I believe then the Bible is the word of God.

>>540865804
Dude, there was nothing in the book... besides Camus crying, that is.

>>540866058
I don't believe as you do. Please let's not discuss spirtuality in this thread.

>>540866058
You're dumb bro.

>>540865491
I should also note my depression has gotten to the point of me losing my mind and killing someone. Trippy shit.
>>540865991
Thank you anon. I have felt I was a burden since I was maybe 10. That's when my father started to become the way he did, and I felt unloved and neglected. With the verbal abuse, drinking, the beatings from him. Yes, I've always felt like a burden. I was always keeping to myself in high school because I didn't want to bother anybody, I lost a couple good girlfriends over it too. But this one now understands me and I'm grateful for her saving me. I really think she's the one. /b/ has saved me a few time and it honestly comforts me to know theres other people out there like me.

This is a better discussion than most of what I see on /b/ so I thought I would add my perspective.

I bought a gun last week and plan to use it to blow my brains out in 3 months (logistically it just is the best as it will be easiest for my family and work to deal with then).

I fantasize about killing myself everyday and I don't think I will have trouble pulling the trigger when the time comes.

I do wish life was different. I wish some deity would save me. But I just can't settle for bullshit that would just be an escape from the problem anyways.

I know life doesn't have to be this way, and that in the future it could change. But I honestly don't care about the future. the future doesn't get me through today. Every day I ask myself why I bother living and I can't come up with any decent answers. Sometimes I will bullshit my self and pretend everything is alright, but that never lasts and only leaves me feeling more empty when I realize I was simply avoiding the truth.

So my question is why should I live for the future? How will that help me today?

>>540866058
how are you a christain if thiers porn on /b