School bathroom stories
>4th or 5th grade
>Bathroom is anarchy zone
>Somebody keeps writing "SHIT" on the walls using their own shit
>People putting ketchup packets under toilet seats so they explode when you sit down
>NEVER want to be caught shitting
>People would kick the stall door open and dash
>People would pee over the stall onto the person shitting
>People would have "pee fights" and anyone that plays the game is guaranteed to lose
>Have to be careful peeing because people shove you into the urinal
>Toilets get clogged and overflow like every single day
>Constant Poo graffiti and TP wallpaper
>Walls usually stained with piss
>School gets fed up and entire male side of my grade has to be escorted and accompanied in the bathroom
>Lose recess and have assigned seating in lunch room as punishment
>School has to hire a "bathroom guard"
>Someone is still writing poop on the wall
>Suspects narrowed down to those who have extra-curricular activities after school(when bathroom guard is off duty)
>They threaten us with a criminal investigation and demand that somebody take blame
>Nobody admits shit
>Janitor quits because of this and the school uses this to try and guilt trip us
>School year ends
>Nobody gets caught as far as I know
what in the actual fuck drives people to use their own fecal matter as a handwriting tool? do they just wrap TP around the end of a turd and use it as a poop crayon or something?
>go to the bathroom
>some fag is smoking it up in the stall
>do my business then wash up
>grab handfull of paper towels
>get them all soaked and soggy
>throw it into the same stall guy is smoking in
>i walk out, containing my laughter.
>he chimps out, yelling for whoever did it
>doesn't realize he still has cigarette in hand
>security catches him
I continued throwing paper towels into random stalls until school ended. It was a great stress relief.
>cover toilet in toiler paper (like, mummified) and piss all over it.
>when I was in the 10th grade I used the entire roll of TP on a toilet and covered it in piss
>write "NIGGERS" on the bathroom wall in sharpie (made of bricks, impossible to wash out)
>mfw the janitor who cleaned that part of the school was black
>have a cold (kinda), go to school anyway
>in math, teacher is neglectful as fuck
>leave in 5 minute intervals when my nose would get full of boogers
>shoot them all over the bathroom mirrors
>by the end of the period, you weren't visible enough to fix your hair or anything
this one's my favorite
>freshman and sophomore year we had shit tier cinnamon breadsticks that came with icing
>know a quiet black kid that goes into a bathroom near the art room at the same time every fucking day (was kinda weird)
>take 5 cups of cinnamon, cover stall walls/door and toilet with the icing
>open door as soon as he walks in while breathing heavily
>he sees and books it
>at that point I realized I got a bunch on my hands
I miss school
>Be like 2nd grade.
>Friend "Hey come help me with something."
>There's a poop in the urinal.
>We each take a handful of paper towels.
>Grab it and throw it in the trash.
>My teachers face when he told her what a good deed we just did.
this made my day. funnnyest shit i have read in months.
thank you /b/ros
keep the storys comming
i got a few. there not that good but if someone is interested i might type them out
Not school but still good
> go to public bathroom 1 stall.
> we in line suddenly hippie bursts out of there.
> laughing, no shirt, long hair, sprinting like there was no tomorrow.
> shit on floor, shit on walls, shit in sink, shit on toilet seat.
> no shit in actual toilet.
> people is wtf
> greatest laugh of my life, Thank you disgusting hippie man!
>In 6th grade someone put shit in the drinking fountain.
>They found out who it was later and apparently he stepped on it in the bathroom and felt the need to wipe it off on the fountain.
>Story spread that he took a shit and picked it up and put it in fountain
>Nobody ever used the fountain again
>Same kid also pissed his pants in wood shop and left a puddle on the floor.
>Also collected sawdust in a drawer
>Also ate deer testicles upon graduation
>about to be bathroom break
>teacher makes "funny" comment about our little bladders being full
>class goes to bathroom
>annoying fuck kid yells "OH MY BLLAAADERSFULL"
>teacher gets butthurt
>asks who said that
>mother fucker looks at me
>"ANON SAID IT"
>get told to go back to class and sit down
>have to pinch tip of peepee to keep from wetting myself later
Fuck that kid
I just can't understand the mind concept of it
>I'm going to wrap some incredibly, transparent toilet paper around my fingers, scoop up my own shit and smear it on the walls.
>That'll show 'em
>shit on floor, shit on walls, shit in sink, shit on toilet seat.
>no shit in actual toilet.
he must have been high as hell
>ima quiet kid in high school
>get bored one day
>go to rarely used bathroom on campus
>walk into stall, take massive dump on top of toilet tank
>lock stall, crawl out under it
>piss everywhere on the floor and into stall
>custodian now has to crawl in piss puddle to unlock door and clean my shit
>no fucks given
>do this every other week for about 5 months
>get caught my stoner kid
>be in third grade
>taking a shit in school
>decide to stick the roll of toilet paper in the toilet
>i flush it
>watch as the toilet paper unravels
>toilet gets clogged fast
>wash hands and run out of there
>do it every now and again since then
So this is all your doing you asshole
>in 8th grade
>be sitting in commons
>see nigger pal
>"hey you wanna make $5"
>"piss in that water fountain"
>mfw he did it and no one ever found out
>6 or 7
>everyday two kids go in same stall
>don't think anything of it
>one day decide to look underneath
>see one kid on his knees
>sucking eachothers dicks
>never speak a word of it
>In school a few years ago
>Around the school, there are several shelves made of of boxes known as pigeon holes where we can put out things like bags, coats etc.
>So one day, one guy opens his bag to put things in there and drops it, gagging and covering his mouth as if he's about to vomit
>Turns out, some sly bastard took a shit in it and zipped it back.
>Over the coming days, more shits started to appear in more bags.
>Whoever it was doing it became known as the 'Phantom Shitter' around school.
>Eventually they were caught but the teachers refused to name and shame the guy.
>He has since become a legend.
>wake up one morning, stomach grumbling
>considering faking sick
>nah, I'll be fine
>as soon as I get on the bus, have to shit
>dear lord, feels like Krakatoa is going to blast through my anus
>am countryfag, bus ride is 30 minutes long
>friends get on, "hey anon! Blah blah blah blah?"
>can't understand what they are saying
>all I understand is pain
>begin sweating, trying to maintain my composure
>suffer through the rest of the ride
>as so as I stand, I feel the hot liquishits shifting in my loins
>sprint towards the school, duck walking with my butt cheeks flexed to the point of fatigue
>slam open bathroom door
> in one motion I turn, pull down my pants, and spray fecal lava onto the toilet
>smells of fermented taco meat
>hear bathroom door open
>nigger takes two steps in
>walks back out
>wipe myself best I can, leave everything on the toilet
>go to nurse, call mom, go home
>play vidya test of the day
>never heard a thing about it
Throughout my entire life, from kindergarten to the end of high school, I probably only used the bathroom at school about ten times. I only ever did if it was an unbearable emergency, due to the fact that I was worried some shit like this would happen. Thanks for confirming my childhood fears, /b/.
I have a few
>7th grade I used to fill the bowls with toilet paper to soak up the water then shit on top. It can't be flushed and needs to be dug out
>4th grade got in trouble for getting paper towels wet and tossing them to the ceiling where they would get stuck
>Last day of 8th grade took a shit in the sink
>Study hall room. Teacher leaves the room frequently
>Room shares adjacent hall to men's restroom
>Urinals are quiet but the toilet in the stall makes huge vortex sound when flushed
>Walls really thin and bathroom has amplifying acoustics
>Frequently hear people shitting and farting being echoed into the study hall room
>Laughing our asses off every time
>Cheer and clap whenever toilet flushes
>shit on floor, shit on walls, shit in sink, shit on toilet seat.
>no shit in actual toilet.
>Sitting in math room
>Friend comes up to me laughing
>he says, dude go look in the second stall and flush the toilet
>walk in there to find 3 poop logs and an apple in the toilet
>try and flush it but the poops just swirl around as the apple blocks them from being flushed
>the toilet doesn't overflow
>got new sweatshirt, really like it
>forget it in the locker room in gym
>pick it up next day
>someone wiped their ass with it, huge dry shit spot on it
>made me very sad, cried, must have been done purposely
>get it washed, happy again
>walk into bathroom
>1st grader in there
>pants and underwear all the day down, lifting shirt
>nope.jpg 360 degrees and walked out
>bathroom in 7th grade, some kid says he wants to fight me
>doesn't fight me
>go to bathroom in highschool, all toilets clogged, fucking disgusting
>only in 9th grade not allowed to leave unless senior
>fuck that gotta take a shit
>go to local gas station take a shit
>sweet, come back, faggot ex-cop janitor catches me
>goes to principal with me
>tell him what happened
>"i'm going to have to suspend you"
>"You should probably suspend your bathrooms"
>calls my mom
>i get picked up and go home
>they completely understand
>all because of terribly kept bathrooms
>In school one day. Need to take a piss.
>Enter bathroom and stops as I see about thirty students (all boys school) standing still, their faces all covered in shit-eating grins.
>They are all holding back laughter, one of them signals for me to be quiet.
>I do so when suddenly, I hear the sound of watery shit splashing into water - it's coming from one of the stalls.
>At the same time, the guy shitting start to make these moaning noises, like he's enjoying it.
>As he moans and squeezes out more shit, he starts doing these watery, almost cartoon farts. I can only imagine that the bowl looked like a salvidore dali piece of all he had to paint with was brown paint.
>Being me and as immature as I am, I started laughing like a fucking idiot, prompting other people to start laughing too.
>Suddenly hear the guy in the stall fumbling frantically with his belt.
>A teacher comes a removes us.
>Last day of High school forever
>I must make my final stand
>I warn a few friends, but tell few until the day is over
>Heath class, 4th period
>I go to the bathroom, next to the potato classroom so they can take the blame if shit goes wrong
>I bend my ass over the urinal and release a long droopy shit
>the kind of shit that spirals around itself as it settles
If somebody had entered the bathroom at this time I dont know what I would of done.
>walk back to health class after quickly wiping my ass.
>see someone turn the corner into the bathroom, and let out a yell of disgust
>go in bathroom stall
>shit-tier bathroom, nobody ever flushes the toilet
>somebody has stacked paper towels in the toilet and then took a shit in the toilet
>towels stacked so high that there is a pile of shit just outside of the toilet
>lol and walk out
>friend takes shit every day after lunch
>uses bathroom outside lunch room
>is too proud of his shits to flush
>feels they must have at least one admirer
>one day 1st class after lunch starts
>friend gets called to principles office
>apparently the janitor camped it out
>friend had to explain himself to all the top school officials
>had to explain why he was leaving unflushed green shits
>he stopped doing it after this
>but he started texting out pictures of his shits
since you fags gets pissy when one doesn't type in green text I'll have to oblige
>school as usual
>stormy day though
>like serious fucking god is pissed at everything stormy
>sudden black out
>kids especially girls screech like fucking chimpanzees
>I immediately begin plans being the evil shit i was
for future reference, black out was entire day, we were forced to stay at school until 5, most parents understood why
>need to piss, get idea
>teacher lets us go as long as we have a partner
>just so happens I get paired with a bro
>walk to bathroom it's pitch black
>we run inside and begin to piss into the dark
>friend finishes it off by dropping a liquid pile of shit over the sink and a urinal lowered to accommodate manlets and tards
>see door leading to storm
>open and rain fucking drenches friend, I stayed out the way
>he don't mind
>decide to return to class later, we planed to say we got lost as an excuse
>head to cafeteria, empty
>one of the lines has that fence thing lifted up
>pig out on chips and other snacks
>head to gym
>coach sitting on floor with students playing I think simple pass the ball game
>cart of soccer balls outside door
>just grab two each and roll it in towards the group, scaring shit out some of them
>return to teacher
>too busy with phone calls to notice that we were gone for almost an hour
>qt girl acts scared and cuddles with me
>bro gets same treatment from another bitch
>sleep until picked up
>next day many were questioned
4th grade 4 life
I was pretty smart for a kid I suppose. too bad it wore off.
>in social studies at my ghetto school
>ask to go to the bathroom
>piss in the stall cause urinals suck and i dont want anyone to see my dick
>piss piss piss
>little bitch kid peaks over the stall wall
>makes fun of my dick
>tell him to fuck off
>go back to class
>classmates are staring
>kid told everyone...and i mean everyone
>im getting sick of it
>bigger kid keeps talking shit
>i stand up
>turn his way
>take one motherfucking step
>natural african american strength kicked in
>the kid literally flipped me over a desk and beat the ever living shit out of me
>mfw I'm bloody
>mfw my tooth is chipped
>mfw the teacher didnt even attempt to stop the fight
Fucked up enough for you /b/?
Oh god I am in tears, this is brilliant, more please
I also have a college one, when I was going to university i went to take a shit in the stall to find the entire door and stall walls covered in shit and toilet paper strung around like it was a party inside. I just nope'd the fuck out of there and told no one. Not sure what happened after that, no one ever brought it up or anything.
Here's a story from a year or two before I got to my highschool
>Some guy known as "The Mad Crapper" at our schools
>Would write ransom notes with his shit on the bathroom walls
>Smeared shit everywhere
>You know the chocolate bar scene from dumb and dumber? Yeah. That
>School opens one day
>There is shit all over the school
>On the lockers
>All over all the doors
>Took a big swirly shit in the lobby
Janitor quit that morning.
>go to bathroom
>see my friend from another class outside the bathroom
>he tells me something weird is happening in the bathroom
>i walk back to class instead and use another bathroom
>later that day be told by our teacher that a man in a trenchcoat was lurking in the bathroom exposing himself
>what the fuck
>we all have to take home bright yellow slips of paper describing this man
>Walk into bathroom 1st period shit in urinal
>Piss and get out
>Come back 5th period to piss
>Shit in urinal now has pens and pencils sticking out of it
>Other urinal now has shit in it
>Turn to two stalls
>Suddenly, drain on the floor
>Bladder is going to explode
>Start pissing in drain in middle of bathroom
>Teacher opens door
>Turn to and piss on shoes
>mfw I pissed on my teacher
>gotta take a dump
>head into stall, take dump
>biggest turd ever
>wipe and flush
>turd to big, won't angle down into the hole
>give it up, wash hands, leave bathroom
>halfway down the hall, hear somebody yell "dayum, sombody left a motherfucking pike in here!"
Was sort of a proud moment for me.
>Kid brings fishing pole to school for show and tell
>Sometime later we end up "poo fishing"
>Stand outside of stall with door closed
>Use fishing hook to try and pick up chunks of poop from the toilet and pull them over the stall
>Discover we can flush the hook down the toilet and pull it out
>Nastiest, most disgusting junk imaginable would be pulled back out
>Janitor's union strikes
>tame stuff to start
>dump all the paper recycling bins in a hall in the basement
>pour pop and water on 'til mushy
>leave to dry as crust from wall to wall
>one stairwell has a void down the middle
>sit on railing and shit
>becomes a contest
>who can shit from 5th floor to the basement
>have to shit
> prairie dog into stall
> shitting process takes 20+ min
> finally done
> wipe what seems to be about an entire roll of tp
> asshole chapped
> kid comes in
> sits in stall next to me
> flush the toilet
> toilet insta clogged
> I'm stunned. We have industrial strength flow toilets. Goliath couldn't clog that shit.
> flush again.
> water rising to edge of bowl
> decide one morre flush toilet might un-fuck itself
> water spills over toilet mixed with shit paper
> soggy muck slides into next stall
> kid flips out
> high tale it the fuck out of there
> next week decide to check damage
> toilet is covered with a black trash bag
> stays that way for the entire year
> I guess the janitor said fuck that it's not My job.
>see bunch of guys walking into men's bathroom
>friends and I decide to go see
>actual shit on floor in last stall
>cop that hangs around at our school escorts everyone out
>after lunch walk by principle
>hear him say "can we get a look at the camera footage"
>they're gonna see who this actual kid is
>never found out
Non school related
>with grandparents and younger sister
>go to take shit
>my 13 year old brain at the time decides I should shit in the corner of a stall
>contemplate while shitting
>clench ass cheeks so hard they turned to stone
>go to corner
>try so hard not to laugh
>almost fall trying to walk out since my legs were so wobbly
>tell my grandparents we can leave
>go to all catholic school
>go to bathroom out of religion class
>kid in other stall flushes
>from under seat i can see him stand up, face the wall and wipe against it
>i see him walk out he turn to me, they were all out of toilet paper
>i leave a minute later
>walk back into religion
>hear teacher say how proud he is of all the great students at our school
>Go to bathroom
>Bunch of kids in there, giggling
>Kid ushers me to stall to show me what's funny
>Basketball smeared with shit sits in toilet
>I flush it
>Toilet gurgles and the basketball covers the hole
>Shit water starts rising from the bowl
>Ran out of there like a nigger from the police
>Next day Teachers want to know why boys bathroom had shit all over the floor
>mfw I get away with it
>Visit HBC because liberal parents
>Go to bathroom
>See graffiti on wall
>No surprise - lots of niggers
>"We have a black President. Now it's on us."
>Words scratched out
>"stfu bitch nigga"
>be in grade 7
>the grade 8s were fuckin hilarious
>they constantly smoked some weird vapor shit in washroom
>leave massive dumps in toilet
>use yogurt tubes to pretend to jerk off on girls (kid got suspended and more)
>we all go out for lunch to a variety store
>Pretty sure 5 of us
>We buy a shit ton of chocolate milk
>We all drink it for the rest of the time being
>we are going to explode
>we all go to the same washroom
>only 4 stalls, and 5 people
>we unleash it on the count of three including the one person that wasn't in a stall
>we had to evacuate once we were done and the teachers almost closed off the washroom
>we watched kids gag and freak out the rest of the day going in there
>we see some weird fuckin kid go in there without any reaction but didn't come out till like the end of the day
>some girl leaves used tampon on floor in lady washroom
>teachers were like you can either admit it or make sure it never happens again
>I tell the teacher sorry and it was my used tampon
>not in a joking manner
>mfw I'm a guy
We did a lot more shit but I don't want to get off topic I'll create a thread later specific to it...
The stairwell thing was by far the worst thing that happened.
Other than that it was pretty cool, it was during winter and they had barrel fires on the picket lines so we would hang out with them when smoking. One of the old crusty guys would share nips of whiskey and we would do coffee runs for them because they weren't supposed to leave.
>be 8 or 9
>going to toilet with my friend because that's what you did
>both walk in
>there is a MASSIVE turd sitting right in the middle of the bathroom
>I mean the size of this duke, how could that have come out of a 9 year old
>both walk to front office
>tell front lady about the massive package on the floor of the toilets
>she hands us ONE rubber glove
>rock paper scissors who was to move it
>he picks it up with gloved hand
>half way to cubicle it breaks in half
After that we just left it
The story of the bird's nest:
>I had this weird friend in middle school who we'll call Jerry
>Jerry liked to pull pranks. (one time brought his dog's shit and microwaved it in the school cafeteria's microwave they had out for kids who brought their lunch. Whole place smelled like dog shit for weeks. Got the idea from Viva la Bam)
>One day he tells me about this new prank he read about online and that it will be his best yet he thinks.
>Says he needs my help.
>Tells me at 5th period to ask to leave to the library and meet him in the science hallway and to stop in every bathroom I pass and grab all the toilet paper and paper towels I can.
>I do as he says (couldn't get the paper towels out because you'd have to jimmy the lock they had on them) and meet him in the science hallway. My backpack full of school books and t.p.
>I show up and am surprised to see he invited two more people to help him out. Both I'd never met before.
>He motions for us to walk into the bathroom with him.
>Jerry opens up his book bag. He's brought extra supplies. More toilet paper.
>Opens up the middle stall and tells us to unravel every roll and to put it in there and to be quick. 5th period would end in 20 minutes.
>Toilet is full of toilet paper like this thing is filled to the brim.
>He tells us our jobs are done and to come back during the bell.
>Me and the two other guys bail. Shaking our heads at how lame flooding the toilet is going to be.
>Go back to class and wait for the bell.
>Bell rings and I walk over to the science hall and as soon as I turn the corner the smell of shit hits my nose.
>Keep walking till I come up to the bathroom we were at there's brown water coming out from it.
>Jerry finds me and walks up to me "Gentlemen I give you the birds nest."
>Tells me how he had purposely eaten the most shit inducing foods and taken a gigantic dump all over the toilet paper and flushed it.
>mfw he got found out and I had to deny knowing anything
>be sophomore in high school
>in class where teacher gives no fucks
>everyone in the hall talking, someone goes to the bathroom
>come out saying someone put a mug in the toilet and shit in it
>Mfw someone took a massive wet shit in a mug in a toilet
Shit almost made me vomit it smelt so bad and the pure putrid ness of it
>be a few days later
>same situation, out in hall, kid goes to bathroom
>someone has a pube collection on the urinal
There's a few other stories but just shit like kids shitting and pissing on the floors and writting on walls with shit
>go to bathroom
>older kids acting like they're the shit
>peer pressured into peeing on toilet
>10 fags staring at my dick
>tell me to pee
>become popular among older kids
>continue doing this almost every day
>fast forward 2 weeks
>get told to go to office
>parents are there
>some fag snitched on me
>whole school knows
>had to transfer schools
>game night of Dungeons & Dragons
>friend doesn't know that shits don't go down well in certain toilets at my house
>he shits in the toilet worst for shitting
>texts me it's exploding with shit
>bolt for the bathroom
>he's shaking, water and shit pouring from toilet
>grab every towel in bathroom and put them on floor
>he starts trying to plunge the shit out
>all 5 of the friends that were there freaking out
>whole time my house smells as of shit purée
>my dad puts hand in actual toilet
>don't know what he was doing
>takes bucket out of cupboard in bathroom
>scoops shit water smoothie into bucket
>dumps it in sink and in tub to get rid of water
>my friend that made the colossal shit is watching in fear
>watch him walk away
>my dad ends up getting it to where it isn't to the brim with water
>plunges for 20 minutes straight
>says he'll deal with it in the morning
>friend crying still, feels terrible
>this whole process lasted 2 hours
>fixes toilet in the morning
>house smells like shit for a day
>toilet never the same again
>refer to it as Mount Vesuvius
>2nd or 3rd grade.
>Really want to go home, fuck this school shit.
>Urban school, built six stories high. Class is on the fourth. Bathrooms near the stairwell.
>Beginning of the period, mad dash to the bathroom.
>Turn every sink in boys bathrooms full blast.
>Clog sink drains with towel paper.
>Not a soul finds out.
>Hour's time, two-thirds of the school is mini Niagara Falls.
>Floors too "Dangerously wet and slippery" for regular classes. I win.
>BITCH I MADE IT "RAIN". LITERALLY.
> But suspended, obviously.
Not exactly a bathroom story, but it's somewhat relevant. I think you guys will appreciate it
>About mid-twenties me
>Working a new, really nice and high paying white-collar job
>Come to the office one day
>Had some bad stomach problems from a meal I ate the night before. Probably some spoiled dairy or something
>On the way to office, start feeling pain in lower abdomen
>Try not to stink my car up on the way to the office
>Get to the office
>Pain has subsided greatly
>Head to elevator
>Elevator is empty
>I feel like a brick just fell into my intestines
>It hurts like hell
>The pain is unbearable
>I play butthole roulette and chance a fart, risking an accidental shit in the elevator
>Let out the hottest, rankest, and loudest fart I've ever farted
>It smells like something died
>But oh goodness the relief
>"Thank heavens nobody was in here."
>Elevator door opens
>Sweet looking elderly black woman outside the elevator
>I buzz out of the elevator
>She smiles and wishes me a good morning as I pass
>What have I done
>She steps in the elevator
>I look back as the elevator door begins to close
>"OH MY LOR-"
>Her voice is cut off as the elevator door closes, sealing this poor old lady to her fate
Not a bathroom story but Ive never had a chance to share this story outside of the group, and honestly I'll tell you what school it was incase anyone here is a local because you would have heard about it
>be senior in highschool
>one morning ate 3/4 box of lucky charms
>about 3 hours later have horrible stomach cramps
>go to bathroom
>release massive green shit, no pain but was huge
>find out lucky charms en mass produce this result every fucking time
>skip ahead to graduation
>day of graduation all seniors go outside for ceremony practice (1200 in my 0' class, is relevant later)
>people bring beachballs and the likes, bounce them around, teachers and security get pissed
>one teacher had a ball come near her
>she goes to grab it out of the air and "accidentally" spikes a wally ball into a kid
>me and friends get pissed
>make pact to shit on her car
>seniors get rest of day off but need to be back at 4pm for ceremony
>on way home stop at walmart and buy 2 40oz boxes of lucky charms
at home, just down those fuckers
>text friends tell them to be prepared
>get to school, had to drive like 5 mph to keep shit from spilling out
>park about 2 cars down from teachers car so i can see it on the way out
>I cant wait, go first
>friends watching for teachers
>climb on her rag top convertible
>squat, but hear ripping sound beginshitsequence.jpg
>first was a massive log like cork followed by pure green paste like shit like batter, tail end was straight liquid
>wipe and head inside to check in
>midway through ceremony they announce that after you get called up, go inside the school for cert paper
>I'm called, on way up to school I notice theres more cops than usual and there is a crowd in parking lot
>ceremony finishes and entire class is crammed in auditorium
>someone bitched to a teacher about the shits
>everyone get reprimanded, fuck off last day
> got to car
> be in high school
> teacher wont let us use faculty bathroom even though were in the back hallways and nothing else is around
> refuses to unlock the door for us
> wait till teacher walks away
> proceed to piss on the faculty area floor and bathroom door
In elementary school there was this Greek kid names Kosta. I was in the washroom taking a pods when Kosta came in. He casually dropped trow started shitting in the corner of the washroom. Later that lunch someone (not me) must have snitched to the lunch lady because she brought Kosta into the washroom and pointed to the shit in the corner, questioning him why he did it. A few of us followed them because we knew that hilarity would ensue. Kosta shrugged and just said "what? I really had to go!". Fucking Kosta.
> at work at rich person retirement home.
> had game of Jenga shit.
> basically you had to make your "signature sandwich" (mine was just a bacon and blue CHZ cheeseburger) and shit on top of it
> next person to use the stall wouldn't flush your creation, just put his signature sandwich on top of your shit and shit on that
> they couldn't figure out it was food service
This one cook expelled some god awful things.
Pee fights were a thing in my school too.
>Pissing in urinal
>some kid comes over and straight up pisses on me
>I prepare for what I'm gonna have to do
>Very fucking angry right now
>He's there, dick out, piss streaming onto my legs
>moms gonna be so mad, ruined my uniform
>Get on my knees
>Suck that fuckers cock
>He starts shouting
>I think he's about to come
Got fired there, but fuck knows why the kid came into the staff toilets.
>be first grade
>someone keeps smearing shit on the bathroom wall
>one bathroom for a class of like 30
>gotta go take a shit one day
>when I open the door after I finish the whole fucking class is waiting outside with the teacher
>get sent to the principal's office
>get pinned for the whole fucking thing
>total introvert the entire fucking time
>no one asks me "Did you do it?" just fucking yell at me
>have to transfer schools
>years later, come back to school, everyone still treats me like a separated freak
>end up drawing in notebook, never do homework, but do well in class
>teachers always fucking walk around me and yell out loud how I'm fucking drawing and drawing fucking horrible to everyone and this is why I get bad grades and shit, as if I cared that much for the grades in the first place
>eventually get paired up with some bitch for a project
>no one likes this bitch
>NO ONE LIKES THIS BITCH
>does anything for an A
>Still she's a girl so people are okay with her
>Do play project
>Pause before saying my next line
>people fucking look and yell at me
>Teacher grades by what the class votes on
>Biggest fucker douchebag in the class yells "A B, DUH"
>People fucking follow along, as usual
>Few days later...
>Teacher catches her crying at her desk
>Says, "oh, you shouldn't write those things about him"
>"But we did we well, it's just his stupid fault!"
>It's okay, I'll give you the A, he'll take the F.
>Everyone looking at me
>I'm like "Wtf did I do this time?"
>Apparently she was writing death threats and shit about me in her note book, and instead of fucking letting her know she shouldn't be doing that shit, she fucking gives me an F
>Realize then, this is the girl that was in the bathroom before I entered
>This little snitching bitch
>It must have been her all along and she pinned me for her shitty walls
Still want to go back in time and bring that bitch down to this day
>need to shit really bad
>ask teacher if i can go to the bathroom
>"i dont know can you?"
>ask if that was her saying okay or not cause im 6 and dont understand when people are being assholes
>no anon break was just a few minutes ago
>but i didnt have to shit then.
>go take your seat anon
>start yelling at her
>she starts counting
>at three i ran to the door, dropped my pants, squatted and took a huge dump right in front of it.
>clean turd no wiping neccesary
>walk back to desk
>noone is making a sound
i didnt get in trouble, my dad said he was proud of me because he had had that teacher when he was in school, from that day on i never asked permission to use the restroom and never got in trouble.
>Chilling at home one night
>Haven't taken a shit in 3 days
>Suddenly it all hit at once
>Waddle to the bathroom
>It all just falls out of my ass
>It doesn't go down
>Toilet is starting to overflow onto the floor
>Shit water spilling onto the floor
>Nothing is helping
>Try flushing again
>I hear a trickling noise coming from downstairs
>Oh fuck, what is that sou-
>There's shitwater all over the kitchen table
>Nice chunky shit salad has splattered all over the table as well
>Spend all night cleaning it up
>Parents come home next night
>Still smells like shit
>They ask why
>Tell them that the dog took a shit in the air grate on the floor
>notice just a mammoth pile of shit on roof
>wait wheres mine?
>then I see why we had so much security
>the ripping sound was the cloth of the roof. my shit fell in, landed right on the radio and rolled down to gear shift
>liquid shit ran into hole but went along the inside ceiling dripping front to back
>shit is everywhere
>100 degrees out plus shit on roof and inside car, no way she'll ever get it out
no one has said a word about this for 6 years now. Freehold NJ
Got a strange on
> 3rd grade
> about to start pissing in the urinal
> stall door opens and out comes this girl I was friends with
> "hey anon"
> "oh hey........ Wait what are you doing in here!?"
> " janitor is cleaning the girls room and he's weird" ( side note he was caught trying to fuck a 10 year old a few years later)
> she keeps looking at my dick
> "you can look I don't mind but can I see yours?"
> she says yes
> we mess around
> It starts normal but ends up with me peeing in her mouth
Seriously she's shirtless and kneeling taking a stream of lemonadeand I don't know why I kept going
> be me
> be teacher
> hate every kid at my school with a burning fire
> shit in one's backpack one day because they would never suspect a teacher
> causes a ruckus, start doing it more
> kids think it's funny, make up the "Phantom Shitter" legend
> finally tell the principal and teachers in a faculty meeting that I saw a certain retarded kid do it
> we are all sworn to secrecy
> nobody will ever know
> be 4th grade
> be in bathroom
> kid comes out of stall and says "what the fuck anon"
> dont inquire
> teacher informs me that the kid just told her I looked under the stall at him when he was shiting"
> be in college
> studying in library, have to shit
> go in bathroom, nigger is just leaving
> go in stall
> nigger has pissed all over the toilet *with the seat down*
> also didn't flush
> start to go after him and shame him
> realize NIGGER--probably never taught any better
>be me in grade 8
>walk into bathroom
>someone is there, frantically washing his hands
>piss, then walk over to sink
>guy is still there scrubbing frantically
>soap is in this box with a button
>pressing the button squeezes out a wad of soap
>reach for the button
>other guy yells no
>look at him
>he's staring at me with fear in his eyes
>"someone shit in it. "
>look at his hands, they're all smeared with shit
>mfw someone shit in the soap dispenser
I have a friend that goes into the bathroom every B day and pisses on the floor.
CAPTCHA: papilab scholars
>be me at school camp
>in lodges with 6 boys in each lodge
>all fucking around until 2 am
>for some reason I throw an apple down the toilet
>gets lodged in the pipe
>next morning guy shits in the toilet and the water won't flush
>2 more guys shit in the toilet
>call in a teacher because it won't go down
>she sees the clogged toilet and the shit lapping at the edges
>'what do miss?'
>dry reaching she runs out of the lodge
>camp gets a plumber to fix the toilet
>finds the apple
>'which one of you threw the apple in the toilet'
>no one admits it, no one knows it was me
>there is an investigation because the camp wants to charge the school the plumbing bill
>No one admits it still
>make up a story and say maybe it was this fat kid snuck in and put it in there to sabotage us.
>fat kid gets investigated
>they think it must be him
>bill his parents
>I got away with it
not school but a summer camp with kids age 12-18. I work as a lifeguard and we're responsible for cleaning the showerhouses and bathrooms. I have seen
>shit on the toilet
>shit next to the toilet
>shit on a urinal
>shit in a urinal
>shit on a sink
>shit in a sink
>shit in the trashcan
>shit in the showers
>shit clogging the floor drains
>shit on the benches
>an island of shit stacked up in overflowed toilets where kids just kept shitting on shit
>shit on the windowsill 5 FEET off the ground
>a whole deck of cards stuck to the walls and ceiling with shit in an incident I like to call 52 card shit-up
In one of the shower stalls, there is one cinder block missing from the wall so that the hot water pipe can run through from the boiler room next door. One day, we found a shit in the cinder block below the missing one and blood around the hole. Some kid was showering, had to shit, didn't want to walk the 15 feet to the toilets because of his small dick, wedged his ass into the missing block hole, cut up his ass in the process, and shit in the brick.
>Walk into washroom at school
>Toilet is clogged with toilet paper, diarrhea and piss
>See someone forgot their jacket on top of the sink
>Shit eating grin comes across my face
>Put a plastic bag over my shoe that i had in my pocket and plunge the jacket deep down into the shit filled toilet
>The jacket becomes drenched in piss and the fabric soaks in the diarrhea and probably ended up staining it
>Leave and go outside to laugh my ass off
That jacket didn't look cheap either, i've still got to wonder if that guy fished his jacket out of the toilet and sent it to get cleaned. I would have paid to see the look on his face as he carries a piss soaked jacket all the way to the cleaners.
>Be 10th grade
>Come across an air horn someone had left under a car in a parking lot
>golden fucking idea
>get excused from class to "grab something from my car"
>take backpack with air horn
>Find quietest hallway
>with quietest bathroom
>dude I'm the furthest stall taking the nastiest, wateriest shit ever
>ninja sneak into the bathroom
>motherfucking solid snake has nothing on me
>slowly unzip backpack
>slowly open stall next to his
>stand on toilet
>reach over the wall with the airhorn
>falls off toilet
>impact from him hitting the floor causes him to blast shit everywhere
>fucking shit bomb went off
>sprayed his pants, shoes etc. With shit
>walls also have flecklets of shit on them
>fucking laughed my ass off all the way down the hallway
>be me in eight grade
>buy chocolate chip cookie every day during lunch
>go to bathroom chew and spit all over toilet walls ceiling daily
>principal over announcement mentions it
>stop for a week
>buy stink bomb
>go to bathroom after buying a cookie every day for a week
>stuff face with cookies spit them everywhere smash stink bomb
>run out and up the stairs nearby
>go back down after about ten minutes
>see friend he notices cookie around mouth
>be in high school
>locker is right next to Physics teacher's class
>we only have one because i live in bum fucking nowhere
>one day walking to locker
>catch a nose full of shitty stench
>get my books amd inquire some older friends
>turns out a student had to shit
>teacher said no
>soon after teacher leaves room
>student shits in one of the sinks infront of the entire class
>he gets suspended
>area smells like shit for weeks
>he is now a legend
>friend heard that he was going to be working with her
>she made a joke about kepping him away from sinks
>guy never gets highered
I have a story from this chick that will have you all rolling.
Just remembered a really good one
>At boyscout camp reservation
>There is a little cabin-like bathroom building with 2 doors on each side. Each room has a seat with a hole but they all empty into the same shit-pit
>Wait for somebody to be shitting
>Find biggest rock/boulder possible and set it on the edge of one of the toilets
>Crack door closed and use a stick to push the rock into the shit-pit
>Rock falls into pit
>Anyone sitting in the rooms get mega-splashed with tons of liquid shit-stew
>junior year of high school
>be in class
>suddenly feel movement
>get my pass and go to bathroom for i know what hell i am about to unleash
>as i walk to restroom i think about the breakfast burrito i ate
>also see fine young men and women of america walking, minding their own business
>they would not know what hell would unleash today
>reach the restroom
>walk casually into restroom as other anon is washing his hand
>looked like a fedora fag so i just nodded to him as i closed the stall and locked it
>i dropped my pants and pulled my butt cheeks apart
>unleashed it all on unsuspecting toilet paper
>didnt go in the toilet
>mushy shit in a paper towel
>as im shitting, a new anon enters
>pick up shit wrapped in paper towel
>walk out of restroom with sights set on target
>walk to cafeteria
>disguise my paper shit as trash im picking up for janiter
>peaceful students conversing
>this must change
>realize their fate is sealed
>look at shit wrapped in paper towel
>say "its your time now"
>raise it in firing position
>aim at table full of girls wearing preppy plaid shirts and shit
>fling that shit across the cafeteria
>attention turns directly to the girls who now have mushy shit streaming down their faces, then to me
>i turn and run
>they catch me eventually
>mfw i just commited a high school terror attack
Moores landing or behind woollies? Pic related
>Got fired there, but fuck knows why the kid came into the staff toilets.
>in 9th grade
>have to take wicked diarrhea during class
>go to bathroom and unleash hell
>teacher comes in and uses the stall next to me to change
>I see his shiny shoes and hear him rustling his clothes
>keep making high pitch wet farts
>immature as fuck, holding back laughter by pressing my face in my jacket
>trying to hold back laughter is making me push harder
>I release an 8 second fart while blowing intermittent diarrhea chunks that gets louder and louder
>start laughing out loud, laughing prompts me to fart harder
>farts and laughter fill the bathroom
>teacher gathers his shit and walks out
never really greentexted, so here we go.
>go to some nigger town for gay school trp
>in nigger school and me and a bro need to piss
>go to toilet
>typical niggers and their primitive ways don't know how to flush
>bus ride home, about 2 hours
>bro starts shuffling in his seat
>realise he has to piss
>I taunt him with my water bottle until he starts to cry
>we had to stop bus
>drop toilet, the ones without the water
>there's unisex and king sized tard stalls
>there's this little ledge about 2 meters off the ground and there's a gap so you can see into the toilet of the tard mansion
>me and a bro climb up on the ledge
>faggot kid that smells walks into toilet and we hate him
>we hatch a plan
>give him a shower of piss
>he crys and has to walk home
>>532422415 one time I went to a Sams club and shit on the toilet seat pic related
>High school bathroom
>When you walk in there's a wall right in front of you
>You walk to the left and around to enter the bathroom
>The wall you saw when you first entered has sinks against it
Like this (U's are urinals, S are stalls)
U U U U U S S S S S
^ < < <
>Someone draws a dick on the wall
>The balls start at the entrance, then the shaft goes all the way to the end, wraps around, and extends all around the other side
>Janitors couldn't get it off for months
>Just painted over it
>Paint is slightly different color, makes it more visible
>To this day the wrap around dick is still there.
>be in 6th grade
>always use stalls to piss
>piss on the roll of toilet paper mounted to the stall wall so that it's just a yellow wad of soggy despair
>use a different stall later in the day so I can hit that one too
>do this every day for weeks
>janitor finally confronts me after I smuggled an aluminum container of spaghetti out of the cafeteria and dumped it in a toilet so that it looked like someone shit out their intestines
>deny everything, say that it was already there when I got there
>no proof, so they can't suspend me, don't even call my parents, but I know they're watching me now, and I can never do it again
>5 years of life experience
>had to take a dump during class
>go to bathroom
>barely pull my pants down before I start pinching loafs
>two thirds hit floor
>I proceed to sit on toilet and finish up, have to hold my legs up
>kids see shit on floor and a couple look under the stall at me
God I miss being a kid.
I feel your fear bro
Too lazy to greentext. Anyway this kid I went to high school with was hanging around outside the middle school over the weekend(probably hitting a bowl) and he thought it'd be a good idea to shit on the school building, so he does. He's in school on Monday and gets called to the principals office. The school superintendent and the school cop are there. Neither of them say anything, they just play the security tape of him taking a shit. From what I hear, both the superintendent and cop were holding back laughter.
>piss on the roll of toilet paper mounted to the stall wall so that it's just a yellow wad of soggy despair
Oho shit I still do this.
>go to any restroom
>piss on any and all toilet paper I can find
>if marker is available, write "where is your god now" on wall
Unfortunately no. I just got out of college but visited a teacher from High School recently since he was a really cool guy. I checked it while I was there and the wrapped dick remains.
Not a bathroom story
> Be my Last year in High School
> Worst school in town
> No staff gives any fucks
> Someone draws a lifesize naked man on hallway wall
> Painfully detailed
> Giant vainy cock, hairy balls and all
> Drawn in ball point pen
> Not visible from 6ft away
> Stays up for 6 months
> Then someone spraypaints the walls with balloons and inspirational messages over night
> Removed by end of day
>no shit-stories, never heard of anything like it
>living in US for a few months to work as 'camp counciller' on summer camps this summer
>Go to the bathroom alot. Class was boring
>Do all kinds of shit
>Love flooding the restrooms
>Shove a entire fucking roll down there
Not school, but still made me cringe
>Gotta piss really bad
>Head into bathroom
>Oh sweet, the giant ass luxury stall is open
>Push the door open
>300 pound hobo guy in there
>Dick hanging out
>be me in 7th grade
>Episcopal school, have a headmaster instead of a principal
>one of the sixth graders is laughing really hard and he pulls me into the bathroom
>he points to one of the stall walls
>In magic marker, there is written:
fuck mr kvande and his wife too
>images of the headmaster's wife getting fucked doggy style
>also miscellaneous dicks because it's a middle school
>laughing so hard
>6th grader got some pictures of it
>all of the boys are brought into the church
>because my fucking school didn't have an assembly hall
>headmaster and middle school headmaster there
>we're all in deep shit and we know it
>says how disappointed he is and asks us all to fess up or tell on each other
>tells us how they took the stall wall down and replaced it
>because painting it would be too fucking difficult
>nobody says anything
>nobody knows who did it
what confuses me the most is why the hell they had a stall wall just lying around
>be freshman in high school
>gotta piss something fierce
>walk into restroom
>nearly fall against urinal
>see shit on floor
>something seems more off than you'd normally think
>open stall door
>it's one hell of a long shit
>one end is on the floor, the other end on the rim of the toilet
>someone left a goddamn shitterpillar
My Shitting Story
>>School is plagued by a Mad Crapper
>>He shits in sinks, urinals, and in trash cans in both the boys and girls bathrooms.
>>He preferred one boy bathroom in particular
>>Teachers in that area made students sign in and out to use the hall pass
>>Go to piss and catch the Mad Crapper shitting in the sink
>>The Mad Crapper is a freshman.
>>I tell the crapper I am not ratting him out, but his crime today has to be undone as I am not taking the fall for him.
>>Nonchalantly, he picks up the turd and chucks it into toiler.
>>Tell him the price for my silence is the use of his crapping skills at a later date.
Fast forward to the end of the school year.
>>Dickhead in my class gets new car.
>>Call in my favor with the Mad Crapper, tell him to go nuts on Dickhead's car.
>>He tells me it might take a day or two for the opportunity to arise.
>>Tell him to take his time.
>>Two days later Dickhead's car has five turds stuck to it and the words "Shitmobile" written in feces.
>>mfw I realize the Mad Crapper saved up turds for the job
>>mfw when he never was caught
>>mfw Dickhead's car was forever referred to as the shitmobile
Actually, I kind of discovered the opposite.
>school has some kind of event in the gymnasium
>lots of big black and gold balloons everywhere
>pick one up and untie the knot, and fill it with water and re-tie
>mfw this fucking water balloon is the strongest water balloon ever and won't break for shit
>put it in a toilet and flush
>fucking thing slowly disappears down the toilet and the toilet won't stop overflowing
>everyone starts crowding around the door to the boy's bathroom, watching the water flood out
>pride overwhelms me, and I tell a friend of mine that it was me
>motherfucker instantly narcs me out
got yourself way over your head bro you have no idea what kids like to do to f****** urinals toilets etc... kids in United States like to f*** shit up its only fun we have at camps we get sent to camps by our parents so theycan have aa fun summer why we get f***** at camp.......yeah. 5 grade camp memories lol sticks pebbles grass anything we could clog it with we used ....... we did it for the Lulz strictly I've fucked up the Detroit auto shows brooms too the niggers faces are priceless always same comment too ...... Sweetwater authority nuuukka
>be in 5th grade
>go to bathroom
>bathroom full of chatty mexicans and niggers
>they start banging loudly on the door
>they all tell the teacher I did it
>junior year of highschool
>always have super glue in backpack
>after going out got lunch, have nearly empty bucket of chicken
>go to bathroom and superglue it to the wall
>take pic leave
>see nigger walk in
>he screams and books it out of there dying of laughter
>mfw my sides are in pain from loling at the memory right now
>taking shit in stall one day
> nobody but me
> all of a sudden a random tard walks in giggling
>still in the middle of shit
>hear his footsteps approach my stall
> he peeks through one of the cracks of the stall
>he yells out "see you!"
>get mad at tard and decide to make him pay for ruining my shit
>while he's still outside of my stall i quickly wipe my ass and throw shit smeared TP on his head
>as soon as it touches him he goes into Ultra Tard Mode mk.IV
>flips out and starts to scream the most terrifying scream i've ever heard
>he starts banging on stall door and almost breaks it down
>tard wrangler comes in and drags tard out
>was questioned later and told the principal the tard came in and tried to break down stall door while i was doing my business
>never got caught for shit TP on tard
At my school we had cameras in the bathrooms. Mainly because one got lit on fire in my second year and they didn't want to take chances.
So they installed cameras into every single male toilet apart from the staff toilets and the tech room toilet, because the admin cut the wire and set up a feed saying, "Perverts" on it instead.
Cameras happen because of faggots.
>fast forward two weeks
>go to super market during lunch
>use lunch money to buy potatoes
>superglue them all over one bathroom stall
>later in day
>have a class near the bathroom
>hear occasional screams coming from bathroom
>keep losing my shit in class every time i hear the faint scream of laughter
>everyone in that class thinks fucking insane, sitting there laughing to myself
>school has staff member that does a little bit of everything
>ugly beast of a woman, morbidly obese, let's call her Bertha
>waddled everywhere, wore sweat pants
>walking up from lunch with a friend, still got some time before next class
>Bertha waddling extra fast
>looks like she's sweating bullets
>that "By the gods why did I go to both Golden Corral AND Taco Bell?" look
>she nearly takes the door off as she shuffles into the restroom
>we're both grinning our asses off, trying to not laugh too loud
>hear a crash and wailing
>librarian runs in to see what happened, she runs right back out to get help
>Bertha broke the fucking toilet off
>hear her screaming like an ox stuck in mud
>at least half a dozen people go in to help get her out
>shit smell emanating from restroom, can hear people stepping in shallow water
>Bertha gets taken to the hospital, doesn't return for a couple of weeks
>ask janitor how bad it was
>"I was ready to quit right there, man."
>be quiet beta kid
>don't bother anyone, usually reading books and don't talk much
>one day some jock asshole took my book and ripped a page out
>carefully plan my revenge, decide to shit in his school bag
>wait till perfect moment to strike while everyone is away
>toss my shit in his bag like a hand grenade
>shake it up, then slip away
>next day everyone knows about it but no one knows who
>realize my power
>the Phantom Shitter is born
>shit in other notorious school assholes' stuff
>never get caught, teachers make up lie to lay my soul to rest
>mfw I was the phantom shitter
>Go to take a piss
>Giant ass piss puddle on floor
>Other kids there questioning what it was
>One on of them crouches down and puts finger in piss puddle
>Tastes the piss
>"Its pee-pee guys"
>mfw he did it again
my fucking face when i was already laughing like a retard before i lost my "shit"
I might as well give my own stories.
>be in 1st grade
>our school had set times to take restroom breaks
>would piss at urinal
>kid used to piss next to me
>he would always count how long I took to piss
>"One minute!" or "40 seconds."
>mfw i'm still friends with him now
>in PE with a bro
>get conditioner that looks a lot like cum
>guy leaves locker open, squirt the shit inside, on locker room mirror and on toilet seats
>get toilet paper
>stuff it on top of the long urinal
>piss on it
>entire locker room smells like piss
>was really into anal play in 12 grade
>had dildo collection
>purchased dildo online
>It was a big black penetrator complete with testicles
>too much for my anus to handle
>Dad had bought mighty putty from the as seen on tv store at the mall
>take dildo and putty to school
>putty dildo to bathroom wall
>assembly is called next day for all male students
>threatened us with no prom or any end of the year activities until the dildo bandit was
>nobody knew who the dildo bandit was
>police laughed and left
>no prom that year
>The custodian was able to hammer off most of the dildo but the balls and base of the penis still remain to this day
>*FEMALE BATHROOM STORY*
>We're just as gross.
>6th, 7th, and 8th grade all megafags, it was catholic
>Some bitch actually hit puberty
>Got her period
>Seemingly every girl besides a handful got their period soon after
>Tampons out the wazoo
>Catholic school didn't want us using tampons
>Catholic girls rebel
>All used the same two bathrooms
>Unused tampons by the tens in every stall
>Used ones flung
>^IN AND OUT OF THE BATHROOM
>Pubescent blood clots lying about
>Poop in retard stall
>Everything constantly clogged
>Got period in 4th grade, could not understand the amount of retardation
>Being not a retard I had to go to the pre-k 4 stall to take a pee w/o gagging
>Fuck middle schoolers
Here's another one
>be 14 or 15
>went to park with bros a few weeks after independence day
>we were going to set off a few firecrackers
>one of us has to piss
>one port-a-potty in whole park
>we open it and it's obvious it hasn't been cleaned in weeks
>shit pile has melted onto itself as a huge dome-shaped shit.
>one of us has an idea
>we put a firecracker in the middle of the dome of shit
>we light it, shut the door, and run like hell.
>a few minutes after it went off we look inside again
>shit was literally coating everything in the portapotty
>the smell was causing our eyes to water and some of us to gag.
>we pity anyone unfortunate enough to have had to use that afterwards
>public middle school in florida
>huge majority of black kids
>walk into stall see toilet paper neatly on ground in a square with a huge pile of shit in the middle
>walk into stall same school
>diarhea in toilet
>shit all over the toilet seat
>go into next stall
>wads of toilet paper clogged in toilet with piss and shit overflowing onto the floor.
I really hated public school in florida.
i used to go to relatively large high school and i hated taking a shit there because there was always people fucking around in most of the bathrooms. a lot of the times the toilets would be flooded with massive amounts of toilet paper for no reason. To this day i have no idea why people would do such things. I remember some girl overdosed on coke and collapsed on the bathroom floor, people did a lot of drugs in them but i didnt mind, as long as they didn't fuck the toilet up.
But i did find one bathroom near the library that no one really knew about, and sometimes in the morning i would wash my face or shave if i didn't have time to do it at home. I could even take a shit in peace and have a wank if i wanted to.
It was like my own personal bathroom, it was awesome.
that's my school bathroom story
Once my father and I drunk of course stole a couple meals on wheels trays dumped the food and took a shut on tray left them for the trade and elderly to smell and enjoy...... imagine opening ur meals on wheels tray expecting a grilled cheese and tomato soup and bam a nice freshly pinched steaming loaf
I remember writing "Hitler for President" on the wall with pen, lucky i could wash that off after teachers found out me and a friend skipped class to friend around in the bathroom
>6th grade (was still elementary where i was at)
>class bathroom break
>had to go through two doors to get to bathroom
>all the boys in the class would have royal rumbles in the bathroom every now and then
>we would lock the second door and turn off the lights and then everyone would fight in the dark wwe royal rumble style
>eleven kids punching and kicking each other in the dark
>had a friend who liked to sit on the ground and kick people's shins
Not bathroom related but still funny as shit
>Have stoner friend
>Tell him Ill pay him $6 if he tells sub "I wish you were my math homework so I could do you on the table"
>mfw he said it
>mfw as he was being hauled out and I'm slapping $6 on the desk laughing my ass off
>mfw he got canned for sexual harassment
>Dumb nigger in auto shop g11
>"Hey niggeranon" you should stir mr.anon's tea with your dick!"
>Sticks his dick in tea
>3rd degree burns
>he thought it was ice tea
>nigger got expelled
> 3rd grade
>bathroom near main corridor
>window above urinal
> pissing competition out window
>people sitting below window
>prefects tell principle
>principal walks in when halfway up wall
>busted as fuck
>walk into the toilets
>there is a single long turd just laying on the ground in the middle of the urinals and the toilets
>i stop at look at it for a second
>wonder why someone would just shit right there
I still wonder about it to this very day.
>Go to toilets
>2 are covered in shit, 3rd is occupied
>Decide to wait
>1 minute later down syndrome kid comes out of toilet
>Covered completely in shit, face, arms and shoes
>Go into stall
>Shit all over walls, floor and a massive 12"+ log in the toilet
>No idea how he managed to make such a huge mess
>Went to other stall and took shit
>Went back to class
>Stairs near class covered in blood
>Hear ambulance siren going off
>Told to stay in the classroom
>Later got told down syndrome kid was running to the nurse, tripped up the stairs, smashed he skull open and died
>Lucky parents got rid of their shitty potato.
Johnny on the spot story
>>Be construction worker
>>Be on a fairly large job about 100 guys in all
>>Sign in the Johnny says that each Johnny can support 7 guys worth of waste
>>Only have 4 Johnnies on the job
>>All become rank after a day of use
>>One was lifted onto the third floor so guys would not have to walk all the way down to piss/shit
rd floor Johnny was the foulest of them all as it only got cleaned once a week to the other 3 time a week
>>Working on the 4th floor, the shit stench wafts up and gag worthy even through a couple of inches of concrete
>>My tool partner has had it with the stench
>>I stand watch while he coats the inside of the Johnny with PVC Glue and ignites it.
>>We go back upstairs
>>A few minutes later screams of a fire ring out
>>Go down to see my partner's handiwork
>>Come down the steps at the perfect time
>>The fire has weakened the walls of the Johnny and they can't take it anymore.
>>Walls rupture and unleash a shit tsunami
>>Snickering we watch as they fire burns itself out.
>>Job is shutdown for two days as a clean-up crew comes and cleans up the foulness
>>And then there were three
>>Someone else gets pissed that there are not enough Johnnies on the job
>>Another Johnny burns
>>This time Police are called
>>And then there were two
Two weeks after the second Johnny burned
>>Still only two shithouses on the job
>>Rage has built up among the men
>>The remaining Johnnies are back to back
>>We come in on a Wednesday morning to see the burnt out husks of the remaining Johnnies
>>The popular theory on the job is a pocket of methane ignited resulting in a phenomenon known as Spontaneous Shithouse Combustion
>>Someone calls OSHA
>>Huge fines handed out to the General Contractor for improper waste disposal and not enough bathroom facilities
>>General Contractor run off the job
>>New General Contractor replaces them
>>They order out two dozen of the super deluxe shithouses with the flush toilets.
>I walk into the bathroom and a black guy i didn't know follows me
>We run into a retard with his pants down, ass in the hair and face into the urinal
>Black guy and I look at each other in horror and ran outside
>Every time i saw him for the rest of the time i was there, we shared a look of horror, like we were in a concentration camp together.
>Be in first grade
>our classroom had it's own bathroom
I never used it. Always used the ones in the hall
>some retard kept peeing on the seat
>also walked on the seat afterward
>one day teacher inspects all our shoes
>she never does find out peed and walked on the toilet seat...
pic is mfw the teacher says there is pee on the seats and someone keeps walking on it
>go to poop
>go into the stall
>sit down and release the butt happening
>here some chimps walk in
>they bang on my stall door
>"HEY WHOS IN THERE"
>never pooped in public again
>Be 7 and at a friends community pool
>Doggy paddling between some bitchy old people
>Have to poop
>Decide to leave them a present instead of leaving the pool like the lazy Amerifat I am
>The hatches are open
>Swim away as nonchalant as possible while containing all that embarassment
>It hits one of the old ladies on the elbow
>They bitch some more
>Everyone has to vacate the pool so the guards can drain the pool
>Mom gets me retarded Sanic Ice Cream from the Ice Cream truck afterwards. I loved Ice Cream.
here's one from the movie theatre
>watching film at cinema
>need to use the washroom mid way through
>tell myself i'll make it quick so i dont miss anything
>swing washroom door open
>take a few steps and look in the mirror at the sinks
>stop and freeze
>see person at the urinal taking a piss with their ass hanging out
>kinda shocked, don't know what to do
>they eventually look at me
>"What?" he says
>turn 360 degrees and walk away
>watched the rest of film and waited to use it when i got home
>boys locker room / toiler is not like other locker rooms
>it is fight club
>every recess run to locker room
>have to have good position before fight starts
>starting to get crowdy
>lights go off
>you can only pray and throw things
> hearing kids crying from getting chairs, shoes and fruit thrown at them
>7 years later
>still have battle scars
One of the reasons I prefer to shit at home
>in high school
>have to shit SO bad
>make my way to the toilet to do the secret do
>but its more then that
>peer out from the bathroom into the hallway, like a secret agent
>the coast is clear
>check each stall to find the most suited for the butt ritual
>handicap stall is best
>lay the toilet paper so my butt makes no contact with AIDS (had niggers in my school)
>sit on the toilet, very slowly and cautiously
>let out a small toot
>i was about to make my way when I heard someone coming down the hallway
>hear the bathroom door opening
>im absolutely trembling in fear, noone must know my secret
>the foot steps stop
>tension is high
>hear the first stall door get kicked wide open making a clang
>the same with the second
>it stood outside my stall door
>everything stopped, my breathing, thinking, i just waited for what was to come
>then it happened
>the stall door was kicked open, completely shattering the locking mechanism
>I was stunned, but I uncovered my eyes and looked to see..
>it was shrek
>"AYE LADDY WHADYER DOIN POOPIN IN THE OGRE STALL?"
>before I could mutter another word shrek turned around, bent over..
>"FEEL THE WRATH OF THE SWAMP"
>he butt blasted me with his streaming green shit
>i was knocked on to the floor, i couldnt see anything but the green tint
>wake up to mexican janitor standing above me
>he shook his head, and presumably quit his job promptly after
>it was dark outside
>told my parents we just did the nickolodean slime thing
>shrek is love shrek is life
>be in 8th grade
>taking standardized test all of 8th grade there
>suddenly feel mini nukes going off in stomach
>hold out till break time and dash to the only bathroom we could use
>long queue of 20 boys on one stall
>break times almost over need to drop the browns bad
>finally my turn but break times over
>still on toilet hear principle explain to the rest of the students that we can't continue testing till Im done
>awkwardly walk out of bathroom to an eruption of laughter
>with my head down walk back to my desk and finish test
>Be in 5th grade
>be at park with friends
>all proceed to take shits down slide:
>moments later family with like a 5 and a 3 year old show up.
>last see 3 year old heading towards the slide
>hear mom yelling as we turn corner
>maybe 4th grade-ish?
>have to stay after school one day
>not in trouble, just complications with evac
>whatever, I'll just draw or some shit
>hours pass. Tards and other kids gather in cafeteria for lame activities
>I hear teachers (not mine) say, "Oh, look at anon. He's all by himself"
>send over a friend
>it's a tard
>I was deathly afraid of tards
>politely inform teacher of this
>Apparently hating the mentally challenged makes you an asshole even in the 4th grade
>I am forced to socialize with him
>he's free to leave when he wants
>can't trick him into going away because other tards hate him
>Decide to piss him off so he goes away
>He eventually disappears
>I return to drawing. Maybe half an hour later, teacher asks me where tard is
>I said that he left
>he isn't with the tards
>I have to go to the bathroom
>proceed to boy's room
>there the tard is, standing with his dick out
>he attempts to pee on me
>turn around and avoid piss
>teacher is walking in halls
>"I found the tard"
>teacher tries collecting tard
>gets pissed on
>mfw it was the one I told that I think tards are scary
>Notice ride is waiting for me outside
>Tell teacher "You deserve it for expecting more of retards"
>avoid teacher for rest of the year
>don't see her in fifth grade year
>go through kindergarten pulling my pants all the way down at the urinal
>seems perfectly fine, since all the other kids do it too
>get to first grade
>apparently missed bathroom lessons over the summer
>go to bathroom and pull pants down to use urinal
>other kid comes in and sees my ass
>kid tells teacher I mooned him
>teacher was my aunt
>tell her I learned it from my dad, because he had a doll on the window of his car that would moon you when you squeezed a thing on it
>go to principal's office
>teacher and principal talk while I wait outside
>principal gives me peppermint and tells me not to pull my pants all the way down
>use stalls from then on
>be me in 4th grade
>antisocial and my only friend was a jew chick in my class
>be in computer lab with the rest of my class
>learning how to internet
>have urge to piss
>decide to let some of it out thinking it will get soaked into my boxers
>once I start pissing I can't hold it in to stop any more
>suddenly the computer lab teacher is interrupted by the sound of me pissing myself
>pants are soaked
>piss forming a puddle on the floor
>at this point attention in the room is diverted to me
>look of absolute disgust on everyone's face
>start spilling spaghetti
>teacher walks me to the office to get a change of clothes
>get picked up by parents and sent home early
>totally worth it
This thread sure is shitty.
>Be 11or 12walk into stall.Pissed off at the world.
>take dump.Big up gigantic log with paper towels.
>smear shit on all handles
>let lulz ensue...have assembly next day about. the dangers. of fecal matter.
>be in 9th grade...bathrooms in main hall outside cafeateria.Some one sets a delayed fire bomb in bathroom.Trashcan and toilet paper dispenser catch fire.Burning plastic and smoke everywhere.School on lock down.Fucking teachers are pissed.
>Mr. Venezuela makes six dollars an hour at best! Mkay? He's got three kids at home, he's got a car that barely works he's gotta clean up puke with sawdust, mkay. And then he walks into the boy's room and sees a big meaty chud staring him in the face. So when you crapped in that urinal, mkay, you might as well just dropped your pants and laid a turd right on Mr. Venezuela's head mkay.
Alright. This is fucked up.
>never used a school bathroom before
>had to shit bad, most likely diarrhea
>didn't want to use school bathroom
>went to the office
>hot as fuck blonde office lady. seriously 9/10
>called my mom to pick me up so i could shit at home, said i didn't feel good
>had to shit bad, so bad
>keeps getting worse
>looking out window
>where the fuck is mom
>couldn't hold it
>gonna shit myself
>ask the hot desk girl where the bathroom in this hall is
>use bullshit "think i have to throw up" excuse
>only bathroom is the single-toilet nurse one, literally less than 5 feet away from this girl
>she lets me in past the desk into the office/mini room
>directs me to the bathroom
>i go in and shut the door
>oh my god
>i have to shit so fucking bad
>contemplate whether or not to shit
>i have no choice
>plant my ass down on that toilet
>no ass gasket
>immediately and very audibly start to shit like never before
>let out one loud, i mean fucking room-echoing loud semi-long fart
i'm cringing right now just thinking about it
>takes less than a minute
>feels like an eternity
>wipe my ass
>dankest shit i've ever smelled
>no way the desk girl couldn't hear/smell it
>what the fuck am i gonna do
>stand there silently gaining the courage to exit the room
>feel like i can see the shit particles rush out it smelled so bad
>quickly close the door behind me
>girl turns around
>doesn't say a word
>see my mom's car pull up through the glass door
>"i threw up..."
>blank eye contact between me and the girl
>quickly walk out of the office and get in the car
>no longer have to shit
I swear to god that was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life. I avoided the office lady for the rest of my time at that middle school. Fuck man.
Always dreading the inescapable shit you've got to take.
And when you finally crack, your colon pissed, about 90% of the time, this awaits your arrival.
<< Pic related.
>go to the movies with friend
>we always did stupid shit when we we're together
>go in bathroom after movie because he had to shit and I had to piss
>tell him to shit on the toilet seat
>halfway through decided to go all-the-way and shits on the floor
>we're laughing so hard, he spurts little shit dots all over the floor because he can't stay in one place
>can't stop laughing
>laughing on the way out as another pair of guys talking about something walk in
>laugh even harder when they stop talking as soon as they see the shit-mines on the floor
>after informing third friend we all continue to laugh for about 30 more minutes
>shit was so cash
>>custodian now has to crawl in piss puddle to unlock door and clean my shit
oh my fucking god that's diabolical
>be grade 3
>one day have to pee like the wind blows
>using the bathroom almost every 20 minutes
>someone else uses bathroom and TPs everything
>be prime suspect
>get assigned escort
>plan revenge against the unjust system
>few weeks later
>shit in urinal
>friend walks in
>he laughs and uses stall
>in principal's office
>TOP GRADE ACTING INITIATED, PLAUSIBLE DENYABILITY
Got off scott free and ended up in principals good books. Pretty sure she wanted to kidnap me.
She ended up getting transferred to highschool, but she came to see me at a different school I
Moved to out if her district. Yelled "I love you anon" as she was drug out of gym class.
>Five minutes ago
>Live in dorm
>Going to take a shit on my floors restroom
>Nice seat next to the heater is open, it's fucking cold so I don't give a fuck if it gets used a lot.
>Walk through the door
>Fucking shit smear on the seat
>This has happened 6 times so far
Pretty sure it's that fucking exchange student two doors down taking hovershits, fuckin chinks never clean up after themselves.
Never greentext, but this is my time to shine...
>8 yrs, give or take a few
>bad news bears
>in bathroom, pissing in urinal
>pants around ankles 'cause fuck the haters
>urge to sneeze
>sneeze forces out a pellet of poo roughly the size of a golf ball
>not just squeezed out
>not bothered by ass cheeks
>shot out with speed
>hits floor behind me
>wipe ass and leave
>poo puck still cooling it in the middle of the floor
>still pretty much in shock
>Be me 7th grade
>Need to take a raging piss
>Walk up to urinal
>Writing on urinal area
>Not that common
>I read while bleeding the old dragon
>mfw "Why are you looking here for a joke, when the joke is in your hand"
>Proceed to die of laughter
>Leave and remebmer best joke ever seen on a bathroom wall
>School bathroom stories
Aaahhh... School bathrooms! So many sweet memories!
>always liked playing sexually laden games with little boys, ever since I was one myself
>always tried to convince/lure/manipulate my friends
>school bathrooms were the place to play during schooldays
>as i hit puberty and discoveredd orgasms, the urge got even stronger
>still preferred 8-12 year olds
>as I got older, the age difference grew
>it got easier when I could intimidate and threaten my little lovers to comply
>hundreds of anal intercourses and blowjobs in the school bathroom
>cried for days when I left school and it was all over
>took education to regain access to little boys
>20 years on life is still good
>always get horny in public bathrooms...
> i took many shits in public school toilets
> i always enjoyed them
>would purposefully shit during class simply to avoid the class
>never had any problems
>yall are some sick fucks for shitting on everything
>i piss in sinks all the time but don't shit all over things to be honest.
>Be having a work party and decide to go on a pub crawl
>Go to Gay bar that people find fancy and my friends grab a table
>Walk up to buy drinks
>20 minutes passes, granted the bar is busy but I have clearly been waiting the longest.
Not being served because I am not a faggot >Priceless
>Give $50 to a girl at my table and say I need to use the bathroom
I had Indian last night
>Drop pants and squat to the right of the bowl.
>Drop the filthiest runny fucking curry shit all over the toilet, on the floor and all over the windowsill, wipe some on the door handle (only one unisex toilet in this place too)
>Notice I shit on my underwear a little, so remove them and throw them on hook behind toilet door
>Leave stall gagging for air
>Make quick getaway to my friends table.
Beers have finally arrived... 30 minutes after we entered
>Tell them we need to skull these and leave now
>Male friends in group cant stop laughing because I do this shit all the time
>Get the fuck out of there.
This goes to prove that Faggots can have reverse prejudice against straight people. Fuck you cunt. Have some hospitality.
I miss Cairns...
Not a school story but here goes
>truck driver me
>tired as fuck after a 30 hour drive training a new guy
>stop at 7-11 for a snack and to squeeze off a log before bed
>sit down on the shitter and drop off the cosby kids
>unbeknownst to me shitter isn't bolted to the floor
>lean to the side to wipe
>toilet falls completely over, shatters, and splashes piss-water and turds everywhere
>miraculously I grab the sink and catch myself from falling in my own excrement
>mfw im standing there, half crouched, surrounded by shit and piss and broken ceramic
>mfw these fuckers didn't bolt their damn toilet down
>check to make sure I didn't get piss water or shit on my pants
>pull pants up, wash hands, calmly walk out of toilet
>grab some snacks, walk up to the counter, look at young girl working counter, maybe 18-19 years old
>"you have an extremely shitty situation to deal with in the mens bathroom young lady"
>walk out of store
>get back in truck, tell the new guy what happened, both of us die laughing
Not quite a bathroom story, but fuck it.
>working construction, installing suspended ceilings
>working this job that's for some weird/rich preschool place, and this big room is like a regular room in a building, has a ceiling that I'm installing, except it only has 3 walls, and the other side of the room is just open to the air
>been on the job a few days
>come in in the morning, and in one of the corners of this big room there's a huge fucking turd just laying there on the cement
>obviously not from a dog or anything, obviously a hobo turd
>all the different trades dudes avoid it
>I work my scaffold around it and pretend I don't see it
>finally one of the painters or somebody has to get into that corner to do some work, so the foreman finally forces one of his illegal mexicans to pick up the turd and then scrub the cement
Still waiting for swirly stories...
ok faggots i have a few
>private, one toilet bathroom in the classroom
>take massive green shit in the sink
>realize what ive done
>dont want to get in trouble
>pull out everybpaper towl
>cover the sink in them
>teacher went in and started throwing them away
>he found the shit
>walked around class asking every one who did it
>gets to me
>"did you take a poo in the sink anon?"
>look him dead in the eyes
>"no but thats funny"
>i also pissed on the drain on the floor everyday
>took a shit in the trashcan and covered it once in a while so the bathroom stank
>in gym class playing with those scooter type things
>ask to go to the bathroom
>go into the stall to piss on the seat
> see a foot long turd with the girth of the toilet hole
>laugh for like 3 minutes
>decide it will be funny to flush it
>turd gets fucking stuck in the hole
>toilet floods the bathroom
>laugh harder and run back to gym
>play on my scooter shit and laugh
>never get caught
>lose lunch box
>see it lying in the restaurant near the lady who gives everyone soup.
>be happy about finding lunch box
Someone took a shit in it and left my sandwich in there.
It was a massive shit.
never used that lunch box again
>second day of school
>wake up feeling massive pains in my stomach
>shit some nasty ass multi colored runny shit
>shit five times before i leave for school
>feel fine for the first ten minutes on the bus
>feel the shit stirring
>take another shit as soon as i get to school
>feel fine again
>second period, latin
>ask to go to nurse
>tell nurse i cant stop shitting and want to go home
>she says no. bitch
>go back to class
>let out a stanky silent fart
>long ass fart, then turns to shit
>feel the runs filling up my pants
>start to smell it
>sitting in my own shit
>trying not to move and stir up the runs
>shit a little more
>smell the shit throughout the whole class
>pretty sure everyone around me did too
>class ends, waits for everyone to leave before i get up
>walk out, cheeks clenched
>go into handicrapped stall
>drop pants, use a whole roll of toilet paper wiping my ass
>rip my boxers off
>throw them on top of the trash can covered in shit
>call mom to come get me
>chill in bathroom until i hear them call my name on the speaker to go
>nurse comes in and bitches at me for cell phone use
>arkham asylum was released that week so played it all day, getting up to shit every ten minutes