>>Hanging out with my nieces at the park >>see a couple of scene dudes rolling around in the sand >>I think they're making out and yell at them to knock it off. >>nah they were practicing there take downs ...kids these days are so gay.
When I was a kid in Karate my black belt teacher thought he was to good to be hit. So I went at him street style, fake left then hit him with a right. He was so pissed he made me bloody then pretended like whoops are you ok. I didn't give a fuck, I guess he thought I was a pussy.
>Black belt testing in karate >Basically 3 hours of heavy workout followed by sparring then techniques. >Start sparring session, going against a guy who's coming up for his first black belt. >He's obviously tired as shit but its a blackbelt test, suck it up. >middle of the bout he starts backing up and panicking a little, I'm not really sure what's going on >figure he's just tired so rush in >He literally pukes all over me and continues for 10 seconds >I'm covered in puke, there's a full mat's worth of puke under my feet
This was a few months ago but it still is funny to me
>Doing light sparing with someone 3 ranks below me >This person is just sitting there flinching every time I move >I am not even really hitting them >I am like, be more aggressive >spends the next 2 mins doing the same 1 2 punch combo before practically running away and guarding >tell him that light sparing should be fun and to use more moves, even moves you don't think would nomally work >Just throw out crazy stuff if you like, it is not like I am going to hammer you for it >He ask what I mean >This is where the "retardedness" comes in >I ask if he watched kung fu movies >He is like, yes >Well you are about to be in one, woooaaa! >spent the next 5 minuets doing the most ridicules, goofy, kung fu movie inspired nonsense I could think of to get this guy to finally loosen up >Black Belt/instructor looked over at me >HFW(his face when) >Someone that was my rank at the time said that whatever I was doing look fun and wanted to try >To my surprise on of the black belts egged us on by calling out request >Stuff like, Street fighter, tiger style, drunk, pro wrestlers, etc >It was a huge laugh >Well at least that lower rank was not afraid of light sparing anymore
>>520417 >Lets work at 50% does anyone actually say this? I mean if you're fighting even if not to injure the other person you should still be going 100% unless you're teaching some noobie or something.
This is related to bad habits I picked up from when I was a kid/young teen and did the equivalent of backyard wrestling and shoots.
>doing throw sparing(randori) >guy is the same rank >must out weigh him by 60+ pounds >and he is not that great at throws >He ducks down >I grab his head, sling is arm over my head, then grab his belt >Text book pro wrestling style vertical suplex >The people watching were like "holy shit!" >Get lectured that this is is not pro wrestling and that I should not rely so much on my strength advantage >from then on I was sort of know as the pro wrestling guy
>Going up against a black belt >He's doing all of these jumping kicks, very aggressive >Lots of jumping front kicks >Lots of back kicks, spin kicks >I'm waiting for him, responding to his moves, keeping defensive >Wait for the distance to close >He throws a punch >Brush Knee, Push >Hit him hard in the solar plexus with dat palm thrust >He collapses, wind knocked out of him >He sits out the rest of the class >I don't get paired up with him again B-but that was a pretty fun spar.
>>520519 Oh I was actually unaware this was a thing. Wasn't intending to start up a shit storm, I was just curious if people on this forum actually acted like that. I know some people do act like that, but outright saying it is ridiculous.
Not really a sparring story, but I ended up wrestling with a cocky aikido kid one time
>he is showing some AMAZING NO CAN DEFENSE SECRET AIKIDO techniques with this other guy >girls are eating up everything they're saying >the ancient art of cock block is activated >I stop them and ask aikido kid to try some techniques on me >"Yeah if I do like this no can defense" >"Oh, but what if I do like this" You get the point. >I easily get out of all his techniques, and the girls starts losing interest >aikido rage engaged >he starts getting forceful and tries to downright hit me in the face at one point >he's sick of me making fun of him and bringing shame on grorious o'sensei >tries to take it to the ground >aikido ain't got no ground game >he's twice my size so he almost picks me up before basically pushing me down >I drag him down with me, using my epic redneck street style wrestling At this time I had close to none experience in proper grappling other than wrestling with my brother >despite being twice my size he isn't able to contain me >I get off him and laugh at him some more while he is trying to maintain the little cool he has left
>Fighting a guy who's 240lb of solid muscle >Decide to try to land more kicks that day because kicking is one of my weaker points >mid fight we get turned around, >I decide its a good chance for a spin kick >kick just about to land >get mule kicked right in the balls and fly back 3 feet Not exactly retarded, shit like that happens. But really hesitant to throw kicks after that.
>>520526 It is just that a common bait used to shit up threads is claim that everything is ineffective larping unless it is practically a fight to the death or something. Then they keep going on and on till everyone else leave and the thread dies. It starts out small but quickly gets to absurd levels.
I actually want this thread to go on because funny sparring stories are interesting. Basically don't troll this thread to death because someone said your trigger word.
>>520515 100% means different things to different people and different schools. Plus 50% is perfectly fine to warm up or work on specific things like say foot work and timing. You don't have to pound on each other day in and day out like it is a pro fight every day you train to get better. You will last much longer if you don't too.
>>520617 > taekwondo class as a kid > awkward nerdy teenager starts getting woozy while we're standing at attention > he collapses to the ground and smacks his head on the hardwood with an audible thud while making zombie noises promptly scaring the shit out of all the little kids, one ran to his mom crying
Turns out he completely locked his knees up and just passed out. He was always a quiet weirdo and sparred like shit with the few adults in our class. I guess he signed up because he was getting bullied in school but I can't imagine it helped him much.
>>520219 >be me >be 19, in MT/kickbox class >3 months novice to MT but hove some other martial arts expeirence >instructor didnt come that day because he and most of the saloon are going to kick-box match, me and few newbies like me didnt want to go, so we are free to do anything >practice some kicks and punches, then got bored and say lets fight, but just boxing. >some tall skinny docuhebag wanted to fight me, ok >started to box, the guy in charge say didnt go all berserk >ok, I wont be very aggressive in a training anyway >started fighting >jab >connected, yeah >he throws something like hybrid of jab and hook, tired to parry with the hand at the same side, but his hand end up between my arm and my head(dont even ask, I have no idea) I squeeze my arm, side of his glove hit me, >I just fucking make him hit me >he tired to pull his arm back >his arm comes back, gloves didnt >wat >butwaiththereismore.jpg >anyway he wear it back we contunied >jab + jab to the body, connected >rear hook to body, connected >he always misses with a inch >he got pissed >next time I charge with jab, he just go berserk for a few seconds and swings like hell >his last swing was too strong and because of he was both charging and punching, he was on one foot >the momentum makes him turn, gives me his back then looses his balance, fall down on his knees >I cant hit him because its box, so I think it would be funny and dominant to take a doggy style position with him. >I did it, hump him a little and he falls on his shoulder >I get back up and said sorry
>>520219 >practicing knife defenses in my friend's back yard >I'm the knifer >rotted palmetto tree in corner of the yard >friend runs to that corner >don't know what he's doing >he picks up a piece of palmetto trunk and hurls it at me >pretty much anything flys during practice >it hits me and bursts into about 20 palmetto bugs and cockroaches >some skitter into my hoodie >I'm yelling, cursing, and flailing like a maniac >I try to rush friend but he disarms me pretty easily because I made the rookie mistake of keeping the knife hand out and getting distracted. It did work though.
>Be me at 14 years old >Love martial arts but never took MA classes because parents won't let me >settle for trampoline grappling in my friend's yard >I always wrestle my friend who outweighs me by 50lbs but is a chubby redhead >He's on my wrestling team >The bouts always end with him losing terribly but in a terrific fashion that provides much lulz >Once I accidentally jabbed him in the upper lip with my thumbnail >It created a 1 cm cut but it bled profusely and wouldn't clot since it was on a nerve or something >He almost passed out and got really pale and delirious and we almost had to take him to the hospital >He thought I was taking martial arts in secret for years and used a black belt technique to drain his blood
So now you can kind of see how unfortunate this guy is
At this point it's worth mentioning that the only real grappling I know besides my wrestling is an arm bar and a shitty guillotine. For some reason, my buddy simply cannot figure out how to stop or defend against an arm bar from mount. The arm bar completely mystifies him.
>One day we be rasslin on the tramp >We fight at least 10 times, he loses by arm bar every. single. time. >After the 11th time he taps, rage ensues >"STOP DOING THAT FUCKING MOVE" >He is literally red in the face and spitting everywhere because he's so angry >We go again >Friend gains side control and proceeds to fat choke me by letting his rolls basically suffocate me >I squeeze out >He's still got me by the legs with his head down, essentially catching his breath and keeping me from moving >His ass is hanging out >Immediately my Gracie senses kick in and I know exactly what I must do >I do a sit-up and grab the waistband of his boxer brief shorties >I crank back with all my might as if I'm a slave manning the oar of a large, ancient Greek trireme >SHHRRRRRRRRRRIK >I rip off the waitband of his underwear and he's tapping my leg with tears welling up in his eyes from the literal asspain
Nope. I agree with him. Nothing is more obnoxious and angering than people who lie about martial arts when they know, deep down, their style is flashy bullshit.
It's justified disgust, because say some kid who doesnt know anything asks you about martial arts, and just to satisfy your own cognitive bias about your useless style, you tell him aikido/wing chun/krav maga/whatever is effective
That misleading information could get that kid hurt or killed if he mistakenly thinks he can use it to defend himself
Stop being a liar. You know your style doesn't work. You WANT it to work because it looks cool in choreography and movies. Don't lie and otherwise because you know it's true.
It's the dishonesty that enrages people. People like you see deserve the mockery and ridicule you get for attempting to insult our intelligence with your bullshit martial arts.
>5'10" 70kg Polish semi-pro MMA fighter >sparring with a 50kg guy who's the same height and has just started training a couple of months ago >little guy is getting his ass whupped >I step in and say he's going way too far >tell him I'll spar him instead >at the time I was 5'9" and 55kg >he's kicking my arse too but I can atleast take the punishment and catch him a couple of times >get him with an inside leg kick, 1-2 to the body and roundhouse kick combo >he gets pissed >starts chasing me whilst I circle and jab >go to throw a jab straight combo >he sidesteps the straight and catches me with a full power right hook in the solar plexus whilst i'm still moving forward >go down for around 5 minutes >happened years ago and I still have bruising on my sternum
Shit was bad, really fucking bad. Broke a thumb rolling with him a few months later too
>>520982 Nope, sorry, not lying, exaggerating or twisting anything.
>at competition >get dumped into other poule because of small organisational mistake >weigh-in and fight 1st match without warming up >lose a match I should've won and re-injure both feet >so much for both footwork and takedowns >try and rely on counters for takedowns >sumi-gaeshi next opponent, he gets up and tries to wristlock me with kote gaeshi >wtf and counter with wristlock, win >lose next match by 2 points because I missed the counter >final match >strong as fuck Polish guy >fuck this, jump closed guard because he's been impossible to take down or submit that day >wristlock him from there with sankyo two minutes later
The first one was a lucky one - wouldn't have done it if he hadn't tried to wristlock me - but the second was basically my gameplan at that point, as it was my only remaining viable strategy due to my lack of mobility. Most people only know the gooseneck/chicken wing, so it's not that hard to catch them in a lock they've never seen.
>>521067 Mr. Insecure here, It's not impossible that the guy was actually believing in the power of Aikido. Thing is at the time we all went to a boarding school for martial arts (look up the term Folk High School). Two classes, one for Aikido and one for TKD (The girls were visitors from another school of the same type, only music instead of martial arts).
And man, let me tell you, if you are pretty much isolated on a boarding school in the middle of rural Norway, have 12-14 hours of Aikido training every week, live with like 30 other people who are doing Aikido and listen to your great Sensei everyday, you're gonna get nuts. Not to talk about the entire vegan new age yin yang vibe the school had.
Sparring day. >huge fucking fat dude today in class (strong too) >can't move properly >doesn't even stand on guard, he just walks up to you to hit you >I have to sparr that mess of fat and muscle >he just does crazy swings >awkward as shit fighting >I'm not that heavy, so I bounce around >His feet are disgusting, with huge nails >actually manages to cut through my leg with his nail >doing a poorly lowkick >had to stop the sparring because the tatami looked like a crime scene >his face when
I have a story about the only street fight I've ever been in. >irrelevant shit, guy is egging me on, etc >he puts his hand up and starts bobbing and weaving like a fucking idiot >it's clear that he's a master of UFC >fakes a jab >I ignore it completely and grab the back of his head >he gives up immediately Kind of a let down
>>521144 >Muay Thai seminar >Getting taught some basic clinch techniques >Guy from another town is my training buddy >practicing a hip-in technique >move towards him and i my toe hits his >continue practicing >a couple of minutes later the coach is walking past and tells me to stop and look at my foot >the mangy fucker I was training with had toenails like a womans fingernails >one literally stabbed through my big toe and went in maybe a centimeter >trail of blood all over the floor in a couple of square meters area >second I see it I start to feel the pain
Disgusting fucker, anyone who doesn't cut their nails deserves a nut shot every time they turn up with long nails
I was just fucking around on a open work out trying to get someone who was stiff and scared to loosen up. Besides doing fun silly things can be fun occasionally. It is not like anyone in there right mind actually fights like that.
I just don't like the dippy positive way you described it. You showing the new kid that hey, it's okay to have fun. Then onlookers gathering and joining the fun with knowing smiles. Like some wacky "let's let our hair down and be silly" bonding scene from a family feel-good movie.
Was fucking "hip to be square" playing in the background too?
I'm getting really confused with all these TKD names that keep showing up and then changing.
Whenever I teach kids, I have to mix the fun in with the pain. If you're too nasty, they'll quit. If you're a soft cunt, you're doing them a disservice.
I laugh more in my dojang than any other place on earth. Martial arts is really painful but it's also really fun, and it should be even more fun for kids. I don't want to go around whacking my 9-year old with a bamboo rattan, but I also want them to learn martial arts and some life lessons like your 9 year old clearly did.
Over this weekend I had my fight with my savate opponent. I knew she outclassed me in everyway, so I did the one think I had the tiniest advantage. I let her judo take me down so I could drag her with me and choke her out. Fight ended so quick that we decided to bare knuckle spar/chat for the next 30 mins.
This was soo much fun, much more than the wing chun/tkd Samoan, and the Muay Thai/ Boxer.
Funny part is after we were so dead tired, we wanted to quit, a small crowd gathered and were cheering for blood. So we told them to "Fuck off and lets see them fight." The whole crowd went silent, except for one redneck... > redneck approaches with some sort of weird dance move stance. > I give a quick movement with legs, he doesnt see, score! Blind spot! > he proceeds to do some sort of money kung fu head movements and trilling. > I give low RH, followed by switch kick to his legs. > he panics and bull rushes me with his spinning windmill hands of desperation. > Front push kick his ass back > Tell him to fix his guard and start planning combos and charge again. > he tries to grapple > I jab > he flinches in the most strange way so that my jab ends up throat punching him. >help his ass off the ground and say "6/10 would spar again! I can help train you dude if you want some real skills, you got the guts for it."
Dude was so jazzed he then chilled out with us at a bonfire and offered to help fix my cars in exchange for basic lessons.
Best part, my backyard fight club is now becoming a reality.
Btw fats, how are you. Long time no see? If ya don't mind can I ask you a personal question? -SoLo
I go to a small school, so I do my best not to torture the kids, since if they quit it's money out of his pocket. He already loses money on the place as it is.
But yeah, there are a few students I want to go harder on. You have to remember I'm dealing almost exclusively with low-income/ unstable kids. I have to walk on eggshells as it is.
I'll probably start an /asp/ Teacher's Union tomorrow or something, I've studied education, family psychology, and early childhood development pretty extensivelyt, but teaching martial arts and coaching is a whole different ballgame, I thought they would be more similar to schoolteaching.
What up man, it's been awhile, I was starting to wonder what had happened to you!
You'll have to share more of your fight stories, they sound pretty interesting. I love a girl that can hold her own like a bro. I also love it when MA pays off and another person has a skill they can trade for lessons. Guitar lessons, weed, fillets of salmon, and computer lessons are just a few of the things I've gotten for MA practice. i especially love swapping styles. A close friend of mine taught me some boxing and some Shaolin Cracked Fingers because he knew nothing about grappling. I'm still planning to have Wu teach me some TCC in person eventually.
>>521301 A bonfire isn't a bonfire until you can see it from space.
Redneck started a 15 ft flame for the helluv it. Moved, got a new job, started school again, left my gym (had to deal with an emotional wreck of a teacher "You bastard! You were ready. I groomed you for two years to go amateur. Then you're leaving the nest, just like my daughter!"
I would totally trade food for lessons. And I cook some of the best daymn food people will ever have. I like that idea of you helping out these kids, as a life coach and martial arts coach. Good on ya mate, that is one of the highest callings someone could ever have. Respect.
Personal question, since I remember you saying you had romances with training partners, how'd that work out? Any tips?
I think I've really fallen for this savatur, but this is the first time I've ever tried pursuing something with another fighter. Some people are really warning me off saying a fighter can't be with another fighter.
So just askinf for some thoughts advice from a bro who has more experience than me.
Postin' a story before I hit the sack, got work stupid early tomorrow.
Me vs the new MT instructor.
> fully geared up (shins, cup, mouthpiece, and terrible boxing gloves/ helmet)- hate those things > instructor gets in ring with only gloves "Its cool bro, Imma just feel ya out and I'm totally be fine." > Full speed, 75% power, no elbows > I'm exhausted to the max, 3 hour workout before and now a 20 minute spar (5, four minute rounds) > round 2, im so tired my teep was so telegraphed he blocked with his elbow > toes all smashed! > cant pause or else get beaten up. > soo tired and in pain I get grounded in my stance > instructor destroys both my knees with 7 RH kicks. > visibly crying/bleeding > Out of desperation is start going full offensive to back him off me. > he switched to so'paw stance > I try and low kick/sweep him > he checks kick with wrong leg- guiding my foot into his crotch.
> he droos faster than a sack of bricks > starts crying and moaning in a fetal position. > Gym owner walks over "Dumbass! Thats why you ALWAYS wear a cup. Ya' never know when a kravist will show up.
> many tears and laughter filled the gym for the rest of the night.
Took me three weeks before I could even bemd down from muh knees again.
First time posting on asp, never did anything to a professional level, have 2 friends, jack and drew, drew is black belt (i cant remember the name of the tip, but it was like his 3rd level) and is training for kickboxing. Jack is brown belt and about my size bit chubbier, same fitness but better upper body strength. Drew is just all muscle at this point. >Go to their karate class and get prompted to take part by teacher who knew me from school (small town), everythings going cool and then we start sparring, drew faces off against me and tones it down for me to show me some stuff. >I throw some punches but nothing hard as im not taking it serious, and he shows me how they all get blocked >we switch and I block his taps and kicks >mfw he grins and punches me off my feet and a solid 3 foot backwards onto my arse. >he apologizes later and says he caught another friends sister looking at us and he wanted to show off, all good, >bruised for a solid 2 weeks
I have a few other funny little stories from our group as well, anyone want to hear them?
> Couple of weeks later, hanging at drews >Jack spars properly with drew for a bit but is just getting it handed to him >takes a break and challenges me >being scared of taking a fist to the face we use gloves >Jack wails on me for a bit, I take a few hits to the ribs but otherwise block most of what he throws except kicks which are all landing in my thighs. > Drew is shouting encouragements, and I have my own little 'I can do this moment!' > let down right hand to take a jab and get clocked squarely in the jaw
>shake it off, ok, that sucked, lets try again >about 5 minutes more of me and jack punching at each others faces harder and harder, but mostly blocking >the best shot i get in is when he swings with his left, i block with my left and get him on the cheek and he has to step back to avoid another. >feel proud of myself before I remember he has legs and I take a hard kick to the thigh and nearly drop
>Close in again, he goes for same leg as he can see me limping on it > I lift it up but not knowing how to block leg kicks, catch shin on shin with no guards >loud noise of pain from us both as we fall to the ground and laugh/bitch about the pain
>>521321 >"You bastard! You were ready. I groomed you for two years to go amateur. Then you're leaving the nest, just like my daughter!"
My teacher acted this way when I left for school. He's a mega control freak and tried to get me to set up a live feed in my dorm room and download a GPS tracker on my phone so he could see what I was doing at all times.
I pay my instructors in stir-fry sometimes when I have no money. I think they like food better than payment.
>I remember you saying you had romances with training partners, how'd that work out?
Erm... I WISH I had a romance with my training partner. He's perfect and handsome and funny and smart and we've been friends for years, and he loves how I fawn over him but I think he just teases me. And the worst part is, he has the skankiest, worst girlfriends. I would make him so incredibly happy.
Everyone on /asp/ wants a fighter gf/bf, why do you think I started namefagging in the first place? If le savateur doesn't go to your gym, you have nothing to lose. And you can kickbox to see who pays for the movie.
>Begin sparring night >"Nice and light. Just warming up yeah?" >"Sure." >He sees an opening in my guard and footwork because, yknow, Im bopping about throwing light hits and warming up >He jumps in with a huge hook that hits me right on the button, vision skitzes a moment >I have about a year's experience and ~15kg on this guy >No longer light sparring mode
>>521897 Yeah, about that... actually i'm still convinced you got your name from that one assassin with the huge dick from a spy comedy movie.
Dude that sucks about your psycho teacher and your boi. My bad, didnt mean to bring up old wounds.
Yeah, we train separately. My instructor was just pissed that his entire fight team had (for legitimate reasons) had left. He was left with two amateur fighters and me. Then we were supposed to help train and form his new team, then I moved away. So he was almost back to square one. But I would recommend him to anyone who wants to be a succesful judo, bjj, or muay thai fighter, his mma record is a little less impressive- but his "kids" have a reputation for being able to throw down.
Well I hope things eventually work out for you bro, and remember there are alot of fish in the pound. Hope you are still doing the "ten reasons im happy" lists.
And one of my favorite pics I share with you whenever I feel down.
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