Archived threads in /asp/ - Alternative Sports & Wrestling - 927. page

cringe, just fucking kys

>>2688566
There's only ONE WORD to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya:

>J
>U
>S
>T

>J U S T

>>2688566
>Not posting the way better original

MY NAME IS ENZO A-BORING
AND I'LL MAKE YOU CATCH CERTIFIED Z'S
CAUSE I'M A BONAFIDE DUD
AND YOU CAN'T TEACH THAT

AND THIS RIGHT HERE
THIS IS BLAND ASS
AND HE DROPPED THE BALL
AND YOU CAN'T TEACH THAT

BADABOOM
THE COMPANY'S DOOMED
AND RAW IS RUINED

>>2688291
If anybody should be in a submission match it should be Drew.

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This thread was necrobumped from page 8 or 9 way down the board.
So whomever bumped this is the OP samefagging.
Sad!!

>>2688291
They've lingered on Neville vs. Austin too damn long and adding TJP into the mix didn't do enough to shake things up, I guess they just don't care enough anymore, since everyone can see the show's days are counted.

I hope that at least the purple ropes on Raw will die with it.

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Based Empress of Tomorrow living in ya head rent free

dofa?

>>2687930
wtf carter. you're supposed to hate her

>>2687702

Judging how I basically had to scroll through every single podcast on the PodcastOne website to even see it at the bottom I would say Vinny Roo is the one BTFO.

>>2687702
Funny that he said this. Considering the wwe have been making a lot of russo tier decisions. (stuff on a pole, jobber champ, gay cops) I wouldn't be surprised he's an advisor

>>2687806
Bro you gotta understand that WWE needs the ratings, they're looking what made them great and following that path again bro, it's really that simple.

That was probably Randy's last title run of his career. There's no excuses for a 13 time champ being such a fucking nodraw.

MAHAL
A
H
A
RATINGS
A
J
A

Wew that was damn close to beating raw this week.

When's it going to happen bros?

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I tried to respond, but my charisma was so lacking that all I managed to garble out was a string of incomprehensible references to kickpads and workrate. Nash shook his head and muttered "We got a lot of fuckin' work to do."

I spent the next several days in the dream world learning the art of Big Daddy Cool. My intensive training covered the realms of economics, hair care, technical wrestling, working the marks, technically wrestling, parenting, proper hand-to-pocket technique, taser use, and grammar. I felt myself grow taller, I felt my hair grow longer, I felt my muscles reach full mass, but above all, I felt myself attain Nashmotality. I had transcended mortal marks. I was God.

When the time came for my final lesson, Nash dismissed Work back to Valhalla to wait for him, as part of the final lesson required a match between the two of us, a match that Work would undoubtedly have booked himself to interfere in if he stuck around. Nash and I entered the ring and stood nose-to-nose. In that moment, I suddenly realized that we were not alone. The previously empty arena was now absolutely packed. In fact, there were over 500,000 screaming marks holding up charts proving our draw power as signs, a further testament to the box office juggernauts Nash and I had become. The crowd roared with trepidation as they eagerly awaited our five star classic. Nash looked at me seriously and said, "This is the last fuckin' thing you need to know. The most important fuckin' lesson: Money. And miles." I nodded my head in understanding, and made my move. I poked Nash in the chest.

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I awoke suddenly in a cold sweat and sat up in bed with a start. Before I could despair at my ascension to Godhood and elimination of my vanilla midget status being nothing but a dream, I realized that my legs where hanging off the bed. I felt the back of my head, and my luscious black locks that were not dyed at all were still intact. I threw my sheet off me, and saw that my muscles were still gigantic. It worked! My evolution had carried over from the dream world into reality!

Eager to test out my new powers, I quickly ran to the living room to find my insubordinate, neckbeard son abusing my girlfriend. I cackled with glee, and began to work a five star match. I punched my son into a corner, made him eat an elbow, tossed my hair back several times, and sidewalk slammed him through the kitchen table. A referee crashed in through the window and counted pin before I could even put a foot on his chest. It was over. I had buried my first vanilla midget.

But just before I could put my hand in my pocket in celebration and begin collecting on all the money I drew, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out, assuming it was just the President touching base on my upcoming ceremony for the Congressional Medal of Honor, but was confused when I saw this wasn't the case. The text wasn't from the President. The text was from myself. I hastily opened the message, assuming it was some sort of error. My eyes scanned the screen...and my confusion turned to terror. I felt a sudden pang of pain in both of my quads, and I collapsed to the floor. Muscles began to shrink, my hair came out in tufts, my legs shortened back to their vanilla midget status as I felt my charisma become sapped from me like a life force...the text had simply read:

"You got worked."

Pretty good read.

>>2686587
Asuka is ugly

ASGOOKA BTFO

>>2688005
she's fat and gross too

Best thread on the board rn

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>>2684856
>Jinder in the steroid room

>>2684944
kek

Of course he's getting cucked. Probably not by James though.

I enjoy the welcoming committee and I'm not exactly sure why

>>2682614
Top Kek. He is a vegetable, of course he's getting cucked

Ding-Dong Diddlyasp noodlehead

>>2680670
here like always

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>>2680670
in your mom! lol!

>>2678504
any bump off the top rope, mark

Anything involving a prop.

So many things can go wrong and often do.

Any wrestler will tell you that the chops are the worst part of the match. There's no faking a chest chop, you just slap the shit out of each other to get the loudest sound possible.

guys post your favorite pic of me with women

oh waif

i bet he had sax with all of them lol i cant get laid but i live vicariously through a guy on tv haha

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>>2666249

>My wife's daughter

A

>>2690416
Based Batista working the roasties into dying.

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>>2689749

>WWE is dead come 2019.

You mean 2018.


Based Kidani will save Pro-Wrestling

>>2689749
It's fine. Roman is the future and they're doing a slow burn on him being "the guy".

This isn't the attitude era. You can't just have a vanilla midget start spitting a catchphrase and have it get over.

I think the solution is to cancel SD and make Raw 4 hours. Spices up the card, gives Roman some more feuds, and you might get lucky and build a strong #2 face of the company - like Cena or Orton or Braun or Sasha on the female side.

Also fucking end the female matches. Bra and panty, 1 min squashes, tits and ass - that draws money. Also maybe kill the "diversity" a bit? You just gave Jinder a belt, bad timing with the bombing. Give it to a white dude to celebrate Memorial Day, that'll get a big pop and draw viewers.

Anyone want to bet they'll be below 2 million by the end of 2017?

>WWE AUTHENTIC WEAR

no thanks..

>its a wearable shirt ruined by the big WWE OFFICIAL WEAR tag and the design on the back

when will they learn

not even bullshit was gonna buy it but that wwe authentic wear tag killed it.