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Getting Over Her
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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How do I get past that phase where fucking everything reminds me of her and jams a knife in my heart which wrecks me for hours?

I haven't spoken to her, I've blocked her on Facebook, I deleted her number, and it's been like two months. But it still hurts. I wanna just get over it because I'm sure my friends are tired of me being bummed out over her. It's like my heart won't fucking listen to reason.

Started picking up a couple hobbies like playing guitar and audio recording but no dice.
Get a new gf
How long did your relationship last?
hobbies aint gonna do it. find a goal and a passion. and go to the fucking gym and get those endorphins.

"but I hate exercise"
cool dude, but you need the endorphins so do it cause its good for you. like vegetables.
>I'm sure my friends are tired of me being bummed out over her.

They are. Theres nothing more annoying than some faggot talking about their problems.

My advice is for you to stop doing that for the sake of your friends, because its sad to have some idiot messaging you over and over asking what to do when he was already told the same answer over and over again: ''Its a matter of time''.
Horrible advice
I thought it would last forever for me too. But I slowly turned the love into hate by focusing on the bad aspects of her. Now I genuinely regret ever going out with her.
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I actually have started exercising a lot more and I'm slowly starting to see results. It's been a real mood lifter but again, it doesn't help those moments where the emotions hit me like a goddamn truck

It wasn't a relationship. I knew her for six months while we were both away on an internship.

Asked her out on a date, she said no, I said I wasn't really interested in staying just friends with her, she flat-out begged me not to leave her and said "she didn't want to lose me"

So I fell for that and settled for "friends" but every time the topic of my feelings came up she made me feel extremely guilty about it, when I was mostly sticking through it for her sake. Six months of that kinda wrecked me. She sent a bunch of mixed signals to the point that other people would comment on it and every time I confronted her about it she said "that's just the way she was"

So instead of just backing out like a smart person, I kept sticking it out because I eventually did genuinely like her. Maybe even love at one point. But she kinda treated me like garbage in retrospect and did some seriously manipulative shit. Eventually told her that being friends with her was too painful (after several people basically gave me an intervention and told me the whole thing was super unhealthy and hurtful for me) and cut off contact.

I made a few mistakes too, like pushing too early, but the whole situation was fucked. I just feel kinda fucked in general. Can't see myself dating because it feels like that muscle is worn out...? Bad metaphor, maybe.

Hey anon he just asked how long it lasted not a god damm fucking blog. Jesus.
Stop worrying about it and just move on, anon. Seriously. Six months isn't enough to build such a strong connection, however you might think about it right now.

The truth is you hardly know her and she hardly knows you too, and the impact you've made on each others' lives will be minimal in just a few years. Realise the insignificance of it all and you'll see how foolish it is to give so much of your time, energy and feelings into all of this stuff after it's already over.
Sorry if I felt like an explanation for why this has me fucked if it wasn't a relationship was too much of a blog for you anon

I get ya anon.

But this is the reason why your friends dont want to hear a word from your sad ass. They dont want to listen / read a blog from you. They have enough with their lives.

So, the best advice I could give you is to leave them alone and be patient.
You weren't even together holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
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The problem is I DO realize how foolish it is and yet I still feel like this.

She and I were pretty abnormally close for two people who were just "friends". Shared a ton of personal shit. Her deal was that she'd been abused by her ex and wasn't ready for a relationship but basically treated me like a surrogate boyfriend. Made a ton of shit my problem.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and laugh. I know it's pathetic.

>I know it's pathetic

It is pathetic.

And wanna know what the worst thing is? Its probably ok that you let it out here, sorrounded by people who dont even know you, but your friends? Jesus christ, this is some cringe tier situation build upon foundations of awkwardness.

For their sake, and for your own dignity, stop bothering them.
I mean...these are the people who told me in the first place that I oughta stop bothering with her.

She hurt me a lot, dude. I'm better than I was before but it still hasn't healed.

>She hurt me a lot

Sadly theres no pill to curing emotional reactions.

Just give it time faggot. You will feel like shit tomorrow and the next day but it gradually starts fading away believe it or not!
Yeah, yeah, I know. It's started hurting less but those emotional reactions are what piss me off.

Thanks, faggot. Time will pass.

Watch Elliot Hulse videos.

I've found that consciously trying to "avoid" the pain actually intensifies it. What i think you want to strive for is this:
>Mushin is achieved when a person's mind is free from thoughts of anger, fear, or ego during combat or everyday life. There is an absence of discursive thought and judgment, so the person is totally free to act and react towards an opponent without hesitation and without disturbance from such thoughts. At this point, a person relies not on what they think should be the next move, but what is their trained natural reaction or what is felt intuitively. It is not a state of relaxed, near-sleepfulness, however. The mind could be said to be working at a very high speed, but with no intention, plan or direction.

Act without trying to direct your thoughts. Just go act.

When you actually do this, your ... mind?... reminds you how it felt to be wronged by her. How it really was in your toxic relationship. You intuitively know that you two aren't right for each other. And if you aren't right for each other ... why care? Why care if you feel sadness? You broke up; of course you would be sad. Why care that you miss her? You loved her; of course you'll miss her.

Accept yourself. Embrace the pain in the moment, allow it to run its course, and then go do something else... let something else occupy your mind for a while.

This is near and dear to my heart OP. I just came back from my girlfriend's house realizing that she needs to be my ex girlfriend now. It's finally time. I'll be taking my own advice soon.
Also, stay way from people like this. If your friends are tired of you being in pain... that's an issue. What do they expect? Oh sorry friend, here, let me just erase my current mental state because you're a bit uncomfortable. /lol

That being said, yes, you do have to be aware of how you are affecting those around you. So I would advise:
>Stop complaining about it to them
>But don't be apologetic that you're still sad.
Like so:
>"hey man you alright?"
>"honestly? no not really; I'm still in a lot of emo pain. But that's not your problem anon, please don't burden yourself. I need to work through it. I appreciate you being concerned."
^^ Friends encourage me to bitch to them because I show them respect first. That's part of being a friend - looking out for each other. And that goes both ways.

Tell us why are you leaving your ex anon.

What did she do? or, should I say, who did she do?
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Nah, I'm very fortunate that I have friends as good as I do. Like I said, they were the ones who made me realize how shitty she'd been treating me and have been totally supportive. I'm sure I must sound like a broken record sometimes but they're always there for me. I have a bad habit of apologizing for being a downer so I gotta work on that

I've made it a point not to bring it up unless it gets really bad, like it did tonight, but I'm alright now. Just gotta let it pass.

Also thanks for the Mushin advice and good luck with your situation anon. Don't hold out for people who make you feel hard to love.

Will do, thanks man.
This thread is tl;dr

Go fuck a bunch of chicks. That's what fixed me.
You're right it's pathetic. She did not make you her surrogate bf. A bf is a bf. You were one of her girlfriends that she confided personal shit in.
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OP here

totally down for that but just need to get back in the game first. need to meet some more girls

Any advice on that front?
So, shit happens and its totally coincidential.

I am in a really similar situation to OP. At work I met this pretty girl. I have no game so she came up for me, gave me mixed signals, and I dont even know how, I gave her the option to have sex. She agreed, we had 2 sex sessions, then we were just making out, she rejected to be my gf however. She made the "friend request" to me. I said I was not going to accept that and that I would never speak to her again. she was like, oh please no, I like you so much.

Long story short, that was 1 month ago. She stopped looking for me, So I assume she decided to hook up with someone else. My response? no response, we still see each other, since we work together, But what do I do? the ice shoulder of indiference.

My suggestion? be happy by yourself, be happy alone, when you learn to be happy with yourself, you wont care about other people giving shit about you or not. Personally, I am too busy to be looking for another girl to bone. Being in a medical residency is just too consuming.

godspeed friend.
>What did she do? or, should I say, who did she do?
heheheh, to my knowledge she hasn't strayed but who the hell knows these eh?

Well I don't think it's very exciting. It's a typical emo story:
>I'm into hardcore drugs, sex and adventure
>I find a girl who is also into hardcore drugs, sex and adventure
>We go do hardcore drugs, have sex, and have adventure
>But slowly, over time, the unhealthy and toxic parts of our relationship take their toll
>She starts acting like a selfish bitch
Example: I took her to a rap show we both liked. I threw down for us both - transportation, alcohol, weed, tickets, etc. all me. She just had to show up. I did this because we had both promised each other to get back to how it used to be at the start of our relationship. She spent the whole week texting me about how hard she was going to go on me at this show.

So we get to the show... and it's a terrible experience. She started drinking and ignored me. Like... straight ignored me. I tried multiple times to get her into me - little touches, outright dominance, etc. It was like pulling fucking teeth. To my everlasting shame, I even verbally told her, "Hey, I want to dance with you. Come here." She said OK and then motioned for me to come to her. There was literally no space behind her (there was a rail behind her). I kept being like no, there's no room, come here. No results. She kept trying to get me to come to her. I lost it, got real close, and yelled, "DO you not understand that there is a fucking railing behind you, there's no room to dance behind you, and that I would be disturbing everyone around you by doing what you're asking me??" She gave me this confused look like she couldn't understand what was happening.

It was fucking terrible. Any other girl... ANY other girl.... and I would have left right then and there and just fucking left her there. But I was going to meet the rappers after the show and I chose to stick around.. (cont.)
>She stopped looking for me

Ahh see this was the part that stung the most. Told me I was her best friend and got upset if I couldn't stay in that little "friend" box she made for me, but as soon as she went back home it was like I never existed.

My girl and yours, they're not worth the trouble man. We'll make it through.
SO I talked to her afterward and she tried to ARGUE with me. It's like are you fucking kidding me right now? How can you be this stupid... but as we all know she isn't that stupid, she's just a selfish bitch who thinks she's got a collar around my balls.... when really the only reason I go soft with her is because I would literally break her emotionally if I acted like I usually act towards women and I wanted to leave that life behind me.

So I continued to try to talk with her. You can guess how that worked out. So, tonight was really the last straw. I went over there and tried to be as good to her as possible... and she wanted to go off on some fuck shit bitching at me for shit I wasn't even doing. Or going to do.

So tonight was my last effort. No more effort. This will be especially easy for me considering I get hit on literally everywhere I go. Elevators. Lunch places. Parking lots. And it'll be too easy now that I know in my heart that I really did give it my best shot with her.
You a nigger?
>she's just a selfish bitch who thinks she's got a collar around my balls
But ... she is. And you sound like a massive douchebag and this story was amazingly cringeworthy. I want you to post a pic of yourself so I can see if the image I've made in my mind is accurate to real life. Holy shit.
Bro you and her sound like you both have some shit to work out. I recommend doing it separately, because the two of you doesn't seem to go well together anymore.

Sorry, man. Best of luck.
>But ... she is.
Did you mean to say "She does"? I'm assuming that's what you meant.

Also, please, I want to hear all about how and why I'm a douchebag. Not sarcasm.
Thanks man. I'll be alright. As much as I'd like to play the blame game, it's obviously just us both being fucking dumb. I'll accept it and grow. I honestly hope she does too because I don't want her to be alone the rest of her life.

But that's not really my problem anymore.
real talk.

imho it doesnt really matter what you do, eventually it just fades and you realize that life goes on.
Ok, so i had a similar kinda prob (gf 3yrs).
didnt know wat to do and started drinking a bit, went on here and something like

"If you have any thought of getting back with her, kill that thought.Even if there is like a 60%chance dont. remove all of it, even if theres 1% left. You are never getting back again, and thats alright.
Second. whenever the thought of her comes in mind, thinks shes a fucking bitch and move on. Fuck that shit. You dont need people like that in your life."

it went somewhere along those lines.
it helped, and i stopped hurting.
rn idc about her anymore.
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