I lied to my partner's face the other night.
I went behind his back and looked through his browsing history. He had left the house for a few short minutes, and upon his return he realized the screen was different. He turned and asked, "Did you do something to my computer?". I said, " No." Twice. I don't know why I did it and I know it was a stupid decision. Disgustingly so. The truth came out when he pressed further. Idek why I couldn't just tell him.
There have been so many instances in which I have expressed distrusted him, which have resulted in me doing things which give him actual, ample reason to not trust me (like the aforementioned example).
I know the only way to change this is by being honest all the time. I don't feel this is enough. I feel like I royally fucked things.
Not sure what advice to ask for...how 2 develop trust? Is becoming trustworthy the only option? Or is there more I could do?
I feel lost. Go ahead and give me your worst. Nothing could blows he through at me that night.
Stop being such a little bitch. You looked at his computer? What a horrendous crime! Nah, get real.
Apologize and move on -- what else is there to do? If your boyfriend is such an emotional whino who needs more than an "I'm sorry," you've got bigger problems.
not op but I'd say I'm pretty trustworthy but realize how untrustworthy others can be
op, move on. He made you feel THAT guilty for going on his damn computer? LMAO you shoulda just said yeah I was gonna check my facebook or something. If he's freaking out that bad and blaming you then likely he's up to something
He doesn't care if I look at his shit. He explicitly said that wasn't why he was angery. He can't stand dishonesty, and was livid that I lied to his face.
He basically defecated on my character (rightfully so).
I'm stockholmingly or not justifying his words were coming from an emotional standpoint, that they were understandable to a point, as I was a shithead for lying.
How does one immaturely lie to someone's face? And not just any someone, but the one they claim they're in love with? I'm stuck on my inaction...my freezing up and lying as opposed to acting like a fucking adult.
Yeah... no, op. He's manipulating you. "I'm such a shithead for lying about this" as if you cheated on him. I mean it's weird that you lied but not HORY FUCK HOW DARE YOU UGGUUU status.
Maybe because you are in love with him it made it harder to tell him because you were scared.
>I think I might just want a way around being in the dog house...or to lessen my stay. Which is not how this shit works.
Let him stick his weener in your butt. Works like a charm.
Could you (or anyone) explain how you deduced such a claim?
I'm not great with self-respect, and I have wondered if I put up with more than I maybe should (is healthy)...please be blunt..how is what he did manipulative?
I went to help my sister move. He hates my family. I feared he was talking to or looking for other (actual) women...it was an irrational fear. All I found was porn, and I don't even care about that.
A lot of men in my life have partaken in infedelity. I have trust issues, among other issues.
I lied when confronted. That's the issue. Why is this point being missed? Should I not feel bad for lying because it was an impulsive 'white' lie? Is there no deeper meaning (I.e. I'm a terrible person for being dishonest)? He told me repeatedly that I'm a terrible person for lying. Maybe I should reevaluate?
No. Point black lieing to your S.O. about a DIRECT question is a pretty bad thing to do.
Most of these anons probably haven't been in a relationship and don't know how trust works in one.
I don't know if that makes you a terrible person per-se, but it does kind of make you a terrible partner.
I agree. Even if I come around and admit I lied in the end (which I have when this has happened). It's always about this. I don't like that I have trust issues, and I think I have a huge problem admitting that I do. Responsibility...that's the thing.
>how does one etc. to the one they love
Easily. You had a reason to freeze up and if you were a perfect person you would have immediately had coherent thoughts about why you're even looking on there in the first place. But maybe the same fear of something happening behind your back is what make you choke up. Maybe not. Also it's not immature, he may have told you that, but I think your relationship dynamic has more to do with this incident than your maturity level.
If you don't already do this, try asking yourself why you make little decisions. You can get really deep into it if you want, like if you think you're acting a certain way because of the way you were raised (a classic, duh). But, for me, when I'm thinking about why I made a decision and I have a train of thought or explanation, it generally "feels" right. I believe that when emotions influence a decision, those emotions can eventually be brought back up.
Fuck him for freaking out about dishonesty. I mean I know people go off on angry tangents when couples fight, but still.
>when I'm thinking about why I made a decision and I have a train of thought or explanation, it generally "feels" right. I believe that when emotions influence a decision, those emotions can eventually be brought back up.
Are you saying you make decisions based on how you feel? Does logic ever come into play--if not, why not?
Also, I don't understand the last sentence, specifically in relation to the rest.