>>16891668 I want to kill myself everyday. everyday is gray. She left cause i'm not good enough for her. I'm epileptic and crazy. I've hurt people in my past with my insanity, i have so much regret. I am paranoid beyond belief.I had kidney problems when I was young she brought em back from stress. The only friend i like and trust I fucked his ex cause i'm just as bad as everyone else. I need real help. My depression does not go away. I hate existence. I hate everything all the time, I am so sad . I have no one. She made me feel happy like i was an awesome person then reminded me I'm worthless. I want to end it soon. I can't feel this way anymore.
>>16891668 There is no point in living, I am such a failure. Nothing is ever good enough. I don't want to fight any more. I don't want to fight these feelings any more. Just let it end . Let the nightmare that is my existence end.
>>16891668 I just try to remember all the people that would miss me if I was gone. In a way I find it selfish for them to want me to hang around when I am suffering so much but still I don't want to hurt anyone else. Also music is pretty dope how about plants(so peaceful). Marvel movies new Star wars new season of Rick and Morty. There is always hope of finding a nice new partner to be with. There are not all assholes and bitches
>>16891700 How long have you spent feeling this way? I spent 3 years in a serious funk like that. I can tell you that it does get better with time. For me I had to go down pretty low first to go back up. Today I love life and I am very much thankful that I did not harm myself back then. I turned to alcohol, but it wasn't long enough or hard enough to cause permanent damage.
>>16891769 I have felt like ending it since grade four on and off I'm 28 now. It just huge waves like I'll be on top of the world so much energy and happiness to all the sudden no energy no love just sadness. I get crippling depression this is the four day I haven't left my apartment I've barley got out of bed.
Dealing with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm A list of suicide hotlines organized by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist How to find a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
>>16892097 How the fuck does someone do this for 18 years and not get it fucking discovered? Holy CHRIST I'm baffled. Does he live in a town with 0 fucking medical information? Does he not even lurk the internet?
>>16891808 same but it started around age 16ish for me, I'm 26 now
had two major down turns that lasted well over a year and a few short month by month ones
kind of surprised I'm not dead, just getting out of my last one that had me planning to jump off a bridge in winter at night for a while. the water wasn't really deep enough but I ended up figuring the shock or impact would knock me out and I'd drown. there were some better ones near by but I'd need to get a proper will sorted out and I don't want to make my parents sad so I can't die yet.
Been on meds for almost 8 years. Been suicidal on and off during that time, but finally stopped having those thoughts about 4 months ago. Last month they resurfaced and I don't know how to handle them. People ask me what's wrong and I have absolutely no idea how to respond to them. They ask me why I'm upset or talk so hopeless about myself, and I don't know what to say. Some of them are my friends, some of them are acquaintances or my professors. I really don't know whether I should tell them or not. The thoughts aren't going away, but at the same time, I don't want to tell something so dramatic to someone who can't do anything for me. They're probably just going to think I'm full of shit anyway. There only two people besides my parents who know about my suicide attempts, one because she's the one that helped me in the aftermath.
I'm slipping and it's somehow so much harder going through life trying to live than expecting to die. Maybe I should just let them in again because my anxiety was actually incredibly lower when I was waiting and wanting to kill myself.
Sorry for rambling. I just don't know what to do when people ask me why I look so fucked up. "I'm fighting back suicidal thoughts" probably is not a good answer, yeah?
Girl tells me she wants to be just friends. New guy comes around now we're no friends. I asked her how she was doing she said alight doesn't ask me how I'm doing. says everything about who she is. Does not give a fuck about other peoples feelings. It hurts to know someone you once loved doesn't give two shits about you or your happiness. Fuck her . She makes me want to end it.
>>16892303 she didn't like you and and saying "lets just be friends" is a common awkward phrase used when rejecting someone. people don't normally actually want to be friends with someone who was sexually interested in them. it's just weird.
work on forgetting about her. try to make actual friends and don't waste energy on her.
>>16892300 >People ask me what's wrong and I have absolutely no idea how to respond to them I just don't tell anyone aside from random internet people who can't trace it back to me. Only person who I've ever told that I want to die was a struggling med student I met online who was considering suicide due to feelings of worthlessness. I think it's okay to "open up" in some rare cases but most people can't understand. They just say shit like "see a doctor."
I try really hard to seem happy and normal around average people since no one can help me but me and I don't want them to treat me like I'm broken. For me it just makes things worse.
I don't know if that's helpful at all. I don't think it gets easier but you have to try and be stronger then other people.
>>16892337 It is helpful, thank you. It's so hard when sometimes I feel like saying something to a particular person, but I know it would be a bad outcome. Thank you anon. I've had people treat me like I'm completely fucked up and therefore act like my opinion is invalid because I'm "crazy", so I know what you mean about how it can make things worse. I try to act happy most of the time because I can see I have a knack for making people laugh, and it throws them off the trail of noticing my depression most of the time, but there are some days where I just feel utterly fucked up and can't do the usual act. Developing an outward sense of humor has been my best way to distract others from my internal bullshit.
>>16892362 Same with me ppl would never expect me to be suicidal. Because when i'm with people i'm happy and funny. But when i'm alone I just want to end it. I also see alot of evil in ppl so i don't go out much. A girl came in my life cheered me up n left now i'm like fuck it. You think there is good in someone but there's not. Where have all the good people gone? who can you trust now a days? fuck life.
>>16892362 >I've had people treat me like I'm completely fucked up That's my fear, and I don't want to get held back in life because I was honest with people who can't understand.
>there are some days where I just feel utterly fucked up and can't do the usual act Its been the same for me but I've gotten good enough at acting to cover most days. Others I just say I'm tired or not feeling well. Most people are socially oblivious and respond normally to an answer like that. There's people who will notice how down you are, but they're usually more kind about it.
The humour thing is a common way to cope and cheering up others can help you too. When I get depressed I watch a lot of old stand up comedian videos on youtube.
>>16892395 I don't know whether it's better or worse to have had someone there in your life to make it seem better a while, because it's like everything gets even worse when they're gone. I'm sorry anon. I had that happen as well but we couldn't make the long distance thing work and then he cheated on me with some chick who was his best friend's ex. I guess he was a douche anyway. But up until then, he helped me feel better. That was maybe three years ago though so I never think about him any more. Time will make you forget about her too, anon.
Now I have feelings for someone who seems to really care for me and keeps wanting to help, but I don't want to freak him out and haven't told him about the suicidal thoughts. He'll either run or worse, try to "fix" me. I know he just wants me to be happy, but neither of us are in a good place for a relationship and even though he knows I have depression, he believes I can "work through it". Maybe I should just tell him we need to stop this thing. It's not really a relationship, but it is more than a friendship. He should find someone more stable than me. I never tried to make this anything more than a friendship, but we're so close and care about each other, it just sort of happened. But it's a bad idea. I should tel him to find someone else, even though we aren't official. I want him to be happy and I feel like he doesn't really know me by the fact he doesn't know about this part of me.
>>16892554 >i am bipolar wow from I want to kill myself to i'm fine .wow dude you really are bipolar lol. But so is the earth and that seems to be fine....oh wait never mind. Seek help brother I hope you find happiness .
>>16892463 I don't know what to tell you. You don't seem to want a relationship but you still want him around? Try working on just being friends. Just make it clear . Like "come hang out just friends." sort of thing.
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