27 year old femanon here, I've apparently reached the age where I'm expected to either be married/engaged, or in a serious relationship. Problem is, I don't even understand the point of having a relationship now of all times. Literally what does a man have to offer you if have a good job, disposable income, a close circle of friends/family and can save enough to buy a nice house in a few years.
Is there any point in killing my career to start a family that, according to statistics, is very likely to fall apart anyways. Opinions from married people are welcome.
Absolutely nothing. Relationships and commitment as an 'older' female is more of an inconvenience to me now. I am much happier when I am single. The only thing is I love being cuddled and being able to have sex with someone who has learnt your body...so I'd miss those things. Other than that...I could be single forever and die happy.
Usually people do it to find companionship and to share their life with someone possibly starting a family as well. If that sounds like a pile of horse shit, then you have no reason to find a man and can continue life as you have been.
Getting married wont kill your career. Shitty life choices and turning into a baby making factory will. There are many men around your age who dont really care about kids either.
Well.. You're 27.. Wait till you're in your late 30's OP and you'll be scrambling to find a man to impregnate you before it's too late. But.. Which man worth wants the mother of his children to be a woman who slutted it up earlier in life? Who gets snickered at by random guys while walking through the shopping centre cause they remember the casual drunken sex she put out 15 years prior...
"Muh career, muh paid family leave."
Fucking leeches, the lot of you.
You'll end up bitter and childless.
Unless you are actually some of those (extremely rare cases) women who are actually geared towards focusing on your careers. More power to you if aren't made for babymakin'. Many aren't though, no matter how much feminists try to push the whole "git a job, homemakers are internalized patriarchy" meme.
Not when I have to work over 10 hours a day.
Kek, I've only ever been in a relationship with two men. Both of which lasted a significant time but it just wans't for me.
I know you don't feel it now, but it seems like it happens to all women in their late 30s once they start beginning menopause. The realization that you can't have kids sinks in and causes you deep regret.
My advice is to at least keep a few egfs frozen just in case.
For women? The prospect of free money, 50% what the guy has, alimony, child support, a place live, free food.
For those that can work and parent, a child and family, along with companionship and comfort.
For men, nothing but bad times.
I know exactly ZERO women who spent their twenties and thirties focusing on their career that aren't mid-30s+ and fucking DYING for a man and babies.
My lady just got her PHD a couple years ago and her cohort were almost all women and most of them early thirties, late twenties. Now they are all early thirties and mid thirties and I've asked every single one of them at some point or another when they've been drinking whether or not they're happy and whether or not they wish they would've spent a little time on the family thing. Every single one, to a tee, once a couple drinks are down their throat, say they'd trade it all for a family.
So, uh, good luck with that, anon.
I own a small business and have multiple side jobs but I love the work I do anon. It's how I was raised. And I have hobbies that I enjoy as well as friends I hang out with occasionally. I only wanted to know how other people felt about long-term relationships. Not to meme here, but it doesn't seem very genuine. People are in relationships only for the sake of sex and/or needing someone to vent out on, support them, share their experiences with, or at worst, out of obligation because there are children involved. What's the point of that sort of situation.
It makes me curious honestly. Maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way, hence the whole point of asking for opinion.
I believe a person should pursue whatever fulfills them, whatever makes them happy. Life is hard enough, that adhering societal norms only to please others can seem rather pointless.
So, chase whatever makes you happy, and maybe you'll meet someone else who does the same. And then, who knows. Maybe you will get married. Maybe you'll have children. Maybe you won't. It's your life, you should do whatever makes you feel fulfilled, happy.
It will probably come to you eventually. It's biology. I'm a guy in his 30s and have seen how girls at 30 onwards, even those who are the "I'm not looking for a relationship, it's not my thing, I will never get married" type, will find themselves craving for company. And kids.
Lol this line of thinking is all good. More men left for women who actually want a relationship.
Oh yeah, if your career and income is so great then you'd have no problem when it comes to having a kid. Even women marines are given 8 fucking months off after they have a kid. While men are lucky to get 2 weeks off.
>The 'it's biology! Of course womyn want kids!' argument.
>8 month leave doesn't affect a person's career/business. especially a woman's.
Not to mention the large amount of time it takes to actually raise a child properly. I'll pass after all m8. There are enough delinquents out there already.
Are you hiring? I'm looking to move out of my state before I spend my whole life here but it seems employers are reluctant to hire based off a phone interview and I can't take off work/afford to fly out to their locations.
You seem to have your shit together just fine, OP, so I was hoping you might have some advice for me.
Contrary to popular belief in this thread I'm not living in the US and have no intention of returning. And i'll gladly give you advice. It's part of what I do kek.
>male or female?
>Which state? (This is actually very important)
You need to start from that.
BA in philosophy and religious studies
Will take any work 30k a year or more. I'm working at a private university in Pennsylvania for pennies and there's no chance of moving up from my position. I can develop skillsets for any job very quickly, but it's a bit difficult to prove this in a cover letter for any job I have no relevant work experience in. Positions like assistant registrar or jobs in student affairs/housing are mostly what I'm looking for. Willing to move anywhere in the country, rural or city.
How's working abroad as a US citizen? Do you still have to pay US income taxes?
27 year old marriedfag here. I feel like it's really hard to explain what it's like to be missing out on the companionship, but I'll try.
>been with wife fir 9 yrs, married 2 and a half.
>met in highschool
>had a bit of a rough patch 2 yrs in
>have been amazing ever since.
>do everything together, but mostly game when neither of us are working.
>planning to start a family in the next couple years
>when she is not around because of work trips or whatever I feel lost, it's hard to fall asleep alone, I have to listen to music or watch TV till I pass out.
>she makes me a better person, I strive to be better because I have her, and she says I do the same for her.
>if she were left or died for some reason I seriously don't even know what I would do, have been with her for a 3rd of my life and that companionship is irreplacable.
>tl;dr, having a relationship may not be for everyone, but some people really benefit strongly from them, I would be a lazy piece of garbage if not for the woman I'm with
If you don't care about sex and companionship, just go it alone. 30yo guy here, my issue is yeah I want that but don't want kids or someone who has kids and at 30 there aren't a lot of women like that at least not that I've seen.
One of the greatest feelings in the world comes from loving someone and being loves back. you won't understand this at all until you have it. I had the same perspective of you until i actually found a good relationship. I am single now, although i can look back and appreciate what i had.
I was just trying to emphasize the companionship and the feel of loss when someone isn't around.
I have a tight group of friends and a great family too. Plus no inlaws, and my wife is aznqt 3.14.
What I have is nice and what I meant when I said I don't know what I'd do if she was gone, I meant dating is hard I'd probably stay single... lol no thoughts of suicide here sorry if that came off weird.
>Literally what does a man have to offer you if have a good job, disposable income, a close circle of friends/family and can save enough to buy a nice house in a few years.
There's actually more to life than work and money.
Even with bunch of good friends and loving family you can still feel very lonely and long for something more intimate.
The hard truth about life is that your family and friends come and go. You'll friends will eventually move out, get married or have children leaving them with a lot less time or energy for other things including you.
Your parents will grow old and time will come when you'll be the supporting them until their time comes.
Wife or husband will offer you experiences you simply can't experience without one, she will offer you both physical and emotional support through most of your life and most hardships you'll encounter. He or She will be there for you when your family and friends are unable to. She or he will be someone who you can trust enough to lower your shield and share your weaknesses, fears and even the darkest secrets with. He or she will be there to stop you when you're about to make huge mistakes and help you correct them because she or he cares. He or she can help you grow to become a better person in many ways.
These things are so valuable and desired that many people have left everything behind pursuing them.
But that's not to say that you can't manage without a life long partner but for most of us it's a darn big hole to cover through other means.
Well your line of work is really different from mine but I'll give you some of the most useful stuff I've learned over the years. Bear in mind I skipped grades, started work (with a family member at the time) when I was 13 and haven't stopped since then.
>How's working abroad as a US citizen?
It's fun really, but you have to be careful not to blame everything on the person's nationality if things ever go worng. People are people in the end. It's not tht different once you fit in.
>Do you still have to pay US income taxes?
Yes. I've heard there are 'totally legal' ways people get around it but I've never cared for it much.
>Will take any work 30k a year or more.
Quite frankly anon, you're not aiming very high at all.
I'd honestly like to know how much you know about the workplace.
>I can develop skillsets for any job very quickly
Don't write this on your cover letter. Ever. Or say it in an interview. Your employer isn't looking to teach you. At your age you need to come off as someone who is already equipped with atleast the basic knowledge of what he does.
> I have no relevant work experience.
This is key. You don't need to have experience for low level jobs even though most of the time they'll make it look like it.
Learn the nature of your job. Do as much research as you can, even if that means staying up all night googling it or asking random people in your field. For student affiars(which again I don't know much about), see if there's a place nearby where you can volunteer. Troubled teen camps are quite common. The skills, confidence and knowledge you'll gain there will be used at one point or another and if it isn't you will still grow as a person.
Learn the rules when it comes to dressing and carrying yourself/posture/how you talk etc. It's more complicated than you might think.
Take time to improve yourself and know what your short term goals are.
I'll add on this later if i can. But for now how about telling me how much you know.
I'm 25 but sometimes I worry what I would be like being alone when I reached 50s or 60s years old.
Will I spend christmas alone? Is it hard to drive myself around when my knee is busted? Will the knowledge that I would gain between now and then made me hate my younger self? Will I kept on wishing for a time machine to get back to 25?
In fact I wish we got an ancientfag anon that could share his/her view...
Thanks for taking the time to reply, anon. Sorry about the hijack.
Don't worry, my cover letters are a bit more eloquent than that. I always research the work involved in a position and make it sound like I'm comfortable and familiar with the tasks I'd be performing. Even though this is true enough, it doesn't quite jive with my current position, which is labor based, but I do have knowledge of universities and how they function. The other issue is that I've been in this position since graduating college and it doesn't look good on an application at my age when companies can just hire a recent grad with better networking.
No worries about appearance here, and I don't have any social hangups or anxiety. I'm very professional and polite in interview settings (when I can get them). But like I said, my work history leaves a lot to be desired. I have tons of volunteer experience (including working with troubled youths) and make references to it/keep it on the resume. It's all from my college days.
It doesn't have to be a job at a university either, I just need to make a little more than 25k, as it's a strain to keep up with bills and student loan payments. I could live like a king on 40k a year. I have no desire to live my life for a career or work my way up to leadership positions. I just need a little more to live life comfortably and enjoy my private life.
Thanks for the advice, it's appreciated. Hope you're doing well yourself.
Married for 16 years.
Wife is not only my lover, but also my best friend.
We learned to share almost everything.
Beyond love, we're also friends and partners.
If one of us has a hardtime doing something, the other one jumps in to support them.
Live is so much easier if there's someone who can take a few punches for you.
It's about lifestyle. If you're completely averse to doing new things and tasting more of what life has to offer then of course there's no point. It's just that many of us like doing something, getting what we can out of it and then moving on. There's way too much out there to fit into a single lifetime but we can carve a good chunk out if we try.
But that's not for everyone. Plenty of people draw a simple picture, fit all of the pieces together and call it good. If you don't want to take a trip into the life of relationships and marriage then that's fine. It's nice to at least understand where others are coming from, though. People offer more than resources like money and companionship. They offer opportunity.
Well anon doesn't look like you're far from your goal.
Either way, to whoever might want it, here's a list I made of all the things I think are important.
(It's long but I already typed it out and don't want it to go to waste kek)
-No matter what you're getting into, learn about it first. Always do your research.
-Ask yourself this: 'If all my education, qualifications and experience were to become invalid tomorrow, how would I earn a
living?' If you can't, then you don't have any marketable skills and you need to stop thinking somebody else is going to
come and teach you. Go out there, pick up a book or a course or anything and learn something useful.
-Be open to new ideas no matter how stupid they sound. At least think about it.
-Advice is good but think for yourself. Don't let others dictate your actions or you'll regret it.
-Never stop learning. There's a world of knowledge out there you'll be glad you learned.
-There's at least a 1% chance of anything and everything. A moose falling on your head right now? 1% chance.
-The highest said chance will go is 99%. Don’t ever think something is certain.
-When you talk, say what you mean, say what you think is important and only what you want to say. Otherwise you're wasting
your time and of the people listening to you.
-Learn how to shake hands.
-Look at a person when you're talking to them.
-Wear the right clothes.
-Smile but don't laugh unecessarily.
-If you suck at something, say you suck at it. The only exception to this rule is when you're in a position of authority. In
which case don't let the people below you catch on to your weaknesses.
-Learn to control your feelings. Anger/panic/joy whatever it may be, keep it reserved.
-There's nothing wrong with living how you want to. If you're not hurting someone else then it’s none of their concern.
-Dress how you want people to see you without becoming something you're not.
-Don't make excuses. EVER. Take responsibility for what you do.
-Make it clear to yourself what it is you want.
-All People who aren't criminals, who aren't responsible for someone else's or their own suffering, are equal. Respect them as you should respect living things.
-For that same reason as a person you aren't beneath anyone else, provided you fill the criteria. If you don't, better yourself and do.
-Realize that some people want to be billionaires and some saints.
-Learn to see people for what they are. Don't outright trust anyone. Not with your personal information, nor with anything else.
-Learn to lead. Even if you're never going to.
-Take pride in what you do, but don't let it get to your head.
-There will be people who have advantages over you. People with head starts. People inherently talented. Get over it. It's not something you're going to change.
-Be patient with people.
-Don't complain more than once every six months.
-If you feel overwhelmed, try harder, then take a break.
-Some people have limits. Some people have overcome those limits. And some people have died trying to overcome those limits.
See which one is right for you. Don’t just choose which ever sounds cooler.
-If you aren't going to try and gain the few things you want in life what the fuck else are you going to do with your time?
Read the book 'It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be by Paul Arden'. It's got the best advice I've read anywhere.
More than anything, and I've said this before, learn how to present yourself, your voice and your skills. Just compare successful and unsuccessful people and see the difference in how they speak, walk, dress etc.
I feel a little better about my prospects now just from hearing you say it. I'll do my best, anon.
Probably the best advice I can offer you (41, married, 2 kids) is to bear in mind that the person you are now is not supposed to be the person you are in the future- you will absolutely not value the things you treasure now the same way in just 10 years' time. We are meant to grow and change, and even if we refuse to better ourselves or grow, change is inevitable. The biological imperative is a thing, too, of course, though it's possible you may not go bonkers when your clock starts ticking. Many women do.
Ultimately, a great job and disposable income are comforts, but not comforting, when your worldview narrows because of age and you begin to truly settle into your place in the world. As >>16891306 notes, most folks will eventually come to value love and family far more than these things, and yet most folks remain skeptical that this will happen to them, when the numbers say that yes, it's overwhelmingly likely that you'll become a person who wants that too.
But here's a shitty truth- you have a best-if-used-by date. After a certain point, you've missed the easiest and best potential mates, and will have to rely on the luck of the draw or diminished expectations should you want to find a mate.
It's good you have strong ties with friends and family, OP. Expect that maybe 1-2 will still be friends with you in 10 years, and will have their own lives increasingly calling for attention. Family is wonderful, and the only thing better is starting one of your own.
And yes, it's a gamble, but so what? What kind of person is so afraid of gambling and losing that they never even try at all? A single lonely person, I guess, in this case.
Still, you can fill your days with things and people you love and enjoy life. Deep, emotionally anchored ties that bind from here to the hour of our death come only with a spouse. There is no substitute.
Men provide nothing. Date a nice leggy brunette.
> Literally what does a man have to offer you if have a good job, disposable income, a close circle of friends/family and can save enough to buy a nice house in a few years.
How I feel about women
>If you're completely averse to doing new things and tasting more of what life has to offer then of course there's no point
Except theres a HUGE likelihood of you doing MUCH MUCH MORE in life if you decide not to follow the lifescript.
Marriage ends more opportunities than it creates, by a large margin.
>And yes, it's a gamble, but so what? What kind of person is so afraid of gambling and losing that they never even try at all? A single lonely person, I guess, in this case.
What kind of person? I don't know. Probably the type of person who doesn't want to come out of the other side of a 15 year time portal, with no money, no access to children, and no identity.
Risk reward analysis is intelligent. "Gambling" when you have a greater than 50% chance of losing is just downright idiotic.