For E. For what could have, and should have, been...

>>16885302
Wherever I go I must also shitpost

>>16885307
Stay gold Pegasus Boy.

Everything I do or say, I instantly regret.

I miss her.

I think about you every day and night. I miss how you would say good morning and good night to me, and ask me how my day was, and you told me nice things you thought about me when i was feeling down (and i'm sorry that started happening more and more often)

I have the drawings you made. I have that picture. The time I actually got to see you again, after months and it was the last time i saw you and maybe will see you

Deep down in my heart I knew it was never going to work out, you had hinted at it but I was too daft and didn't catch it until it was stabbing me

I feel regret when I think about what happened, why it happened and how easily it could have been avoided. We hurt eachother and you didn't deserve that.
You're out there somewhere and I'm here, still here, and I listen to that song you were listening to the first day I met you so long ago and I cry

For D,
For what should have be between us,for what i should've told you,for what i shouldn't have done to make you think i was with another guy. For all the things that happened to tear us apart.
For you,
For the one showed up in my dreams that made me believe in parallel universe where we supposed to be together.
For D,
The one i loved and can never be with.
Love you.

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>>16885325
No reason to regret anything, you can't change it anyway

All you had to do was say yes. Even maybe would have worked for me.

I'm tired of having to be strong when I'm sick as fuck, tired of having to do everything in my relationship. I've already accepted the fact that I will never have kids. Is this really life? I gave up drugs and a cycle of sickness for this? Seriously haven't I suffered enough? I try to stay positive but damn, things just seem to get more fucked up. It doesn't matter how hard I work, how I put others before myself, things just stay fucked. I think it's time to say fuck it and start putting myself first and give everyone else the finger, it's the only way I'm going to gain any sort of clarity. I really had to vent.

>>16885313
Nothing gold can stay.

I get the feeling people look at what I'm gonna charge them and decide "no way is he worth $40/hour" I am. really, dat attention to detail. I'm undercharging you for the time I'm gonna spend on the project. I haven't felt like I'm getting paid enough for any of the projects I've done yet, and I've estimated fewer hours than required to keep people reasonably happy.

trust me it's worth it. if I could get any of you people on the phone I could sell an eskimo ice... what is it with people not answering phones? do you guys just look at the quote and go "FUCK THAT SHIT WHAT AN ASSHOLE RRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"?

like, you can counter bid. like I said, I'm undercharging for what I'm gonna do and I guarantee you're gonna like the work I do %120... but it is negotiable. though I will sell you on the price I'm charging. I like charts, I know what the other guys are charging, I know their quality of work, I'll have charts all up in this bitch. I will categorically prove that I am the biggest bang for your buck.

go get other bids from those people you think are infinitely more qualified, you'll see. I'm charging a just below fair price on my end. I'm at the low end of the spectrum for much higher quality. remember I'm the guy coming in after you paid that more expensive guy to screw it up.

talk to me, lets do business. I just need like 2 big deals to legitimize my business to other people. portfolio of work people, lets get it going.

damn this choke point on progress. so tired of waiting... driving me up a wall. feels like its been forever, holding up all my marketing, holding up expansion, holding up larger things, holding up literally everything.

my brain is just "WHY AREN'T WE DOING ANYTHING DUDE?!" and I'm like "we're waiting on this thing" and my brain is like "THATS FUCKING DUMB, WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG" and then I'm like "IDFK BUT STOP SHUNTING ADRENALINE INTO MY SYSTEM CAUSE I'M UBER RESTLESS NOW AND HAVE A NEED TO DO... ANYTHING, SOMETHING"

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>>16885400
Don't know why anyone would want to stay

>>16885405
You convinced me.

So bring your ass over here, ho.

>>16885414
It's from a poem

>>16885405
decade plus of experience people. I'm not entry level and I'm not taking shit for good work. gotta understand that. thats a low rate, and I only charge that because I'm new and I need to get market share and word of mouth going quick.

and this drunk fucking snake in the grass over here. you need to be quiet dude. you don't know anything about me or my work and you need to sit down, be very quiet, let me work, and watch. you'll see, its all good and I've got this.

so much doubt coming from people. sit down, shut up, watch.

>>16885431
I like to watch.

What I bid on that?

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>>16885454
>curse
yeahokaybrahcoolstorymagicisnt'real

aaand I'm gonna go do something productive.

>>16885437
hi-larious

I want to die but becoming an hero is not an option.

i am ready to die now

My mom brought me to a new dentist as a teen. Over the course of three years, I ended up with around 20 cavities despite never having any before that or since I stopped going to him. The last filling he did never stopped causing me pain when chewing, to the point I can only chew on one side.

I've been going to my original dentist for a few years now, but I'm afraid of getting it taken care of. All those fillings, I never had pain killers or anything; the pain wasn't bad, but the experience of drills in my skull is not something I ever again want replicated. I just feel like a pussy for not confronting something so simple.

It's true what they say, it takes a bad dentist to make you appreciate a good one.

E,

Would you be willing to make the relationship we have between us serious?

I see you almost every day. We always talk for at least thirty minutes about what we've gotten involved with recently, what's going on in the world, life stories, our opinions on things, among other topics. On the other hand, I've asked you to numerous lunches and shows. I know well that we both enjoyed them. We're doing all these things as a couple, but I feel like you aren't picking up on the hints.

I feel like I've found somebody who actually gives a shit about me and supports me, unlike my ex who didn't even care and was fucking someone behind my back.

You are probably the most enjoyable person I've been around in a long time. The discussions I have with you are always interesting. You are always very supportive of me, more than anyone other than relatives since a long time ago. And while you may not be a model, you're not ugly, and your curly blond hair, your piercing blue eyes, your smile that always goes from ear to ear, and, not to sound pervy, your figure, are something to behold when it comes to beauty, at least in my eyes.

I think about you several times a day. Whenever I see you, even for a second, my day becomes a hundred times better instantly.

I want to make this whole thing between us serious, I really do, but I feel that if I ask, you're not going to want to have anything to do with me anymore. And I really don't want to lose that, I've had great experiences with you already, and I want more, for reasons already explained.

I've gained a lot of feelings for you for the past year or so since we first met. I just hope that you feel the same, or at least similar.

Yours truly and hopefully,
N.

So my prom date who is actually a reall close friend of mine wants to talk to me about something important. She said she will text me during the weekend, blah blah blah. It's actually something serious. She is a bad texter tho. And I mean really horrible. She is really bad at remembering when to text, no mater who you are.

I tried to ask her what it is about. She told me to not be too curious about it, and wait till we talk. I'm a little scared about it. But I'm ad hearing to her wishes and just just letting her contact me.

She hasn't sent a single text this whole weekend and it's driving me mad. I'm even more scared now because I don't know what to say to her during class. She could have wanted to break of the date, or want to be more than just friends. she could have casually asked me something that's bothering her.

What makes more upset is that she could forget something like this. It was her decision that she wanted to talk. And yet she hasn't said a thing. What the hell am u suppose to do?

Dear P,
my P
Its been so long since weve seen you, so much has happened P
Cruel men hurt us, tricksy ********* lied and betrayed us, we were even forced to eat filthy ******; but we havent given up now have we, my P my love. We will finds it and takes it for us once again. And this time, we will eats the ********* raw and wriggling. Wait for us with patience, my p.
~G/S

Dear C, I realize i'm a fuck up. I know you don't know me. I know you think i'm such a fucking creep. You don't have to date me, i'm getting better. I'm better off with out you. You're better off without me.

KH- I'm still so deeply in love with you even though I know you don't want me. I don't necessarily want you either anymore but my feelings are forever suspended in the air

>>16885587

When I was four years old (and my mom was very strict about sweets/brushing my teeth) this dentist I had claimed I had five cavities. They also gave me nitrate which probably wasn't very common or ethical for such a young girl. Went back a year later and they claimed I had two more. Went to a new dentist and they said I had no such thing and my teeth were in great shape.
It can't be as uncommon as we think. Come out with it

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I am glad that you left. Everything is better now. I thought I was unhappy before you came around, but I wasn't. I was just lonely. Now I am in shape, I take careful care of my appearance, and I am not afraid of boasting what I like and don't like. A lot of men - not like you, actual men - are interested in me now. But I think I like girls more. We'll see what happens.

The person you met at the beginning, that was the real me. I think after I realized that even people I connected with the way I thought I connected with you can be just frauds too, my depression worsened. I didn't block you right away under the false hope that maybe there was more to you than what I was seeing.

So I'll get it off my chest, what I should have said the day you said you loved me, right after you ERP'd with another guy as pathetic as you.

Fuck off, loser, and stop wasting my time on your pretentious bullshit covering up your juvenile /r9k/ weeaboo mentality.

I'm ready to admit that I am better than this.

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My ex is in high school. I'm in uni, my second year now. When me and my ex broke up (early august), I told him if I went to his school, I would shoot it up and make sure to kill everyone there starting with him. I really meant it.
Now it being months later, I just started dating a new guy. And I still mean what I said. I would still go and shoot up his school if I didn't live so far away. If I lived in the same town as him I would make it happen.
So I'm scared now. I don't want these same feelings to occur with this new guy I'm dating. Or another guy later. I don't know how I would control this anger. I don't want to kill anyone at my uni, I don't want to do these vicious attacks. But I'm afraid if I go through a breakup or something worse, I'll really want to ennact on it.

I am a 26KV and there's this thought, that's been spinning around in my head for the past few months, on top of all my other insecurities, is the worry that if I somehow meet someone my age that their looks would be starting to fade.

It's a real fucking shallow thought, I know but it's like I'm surrounded by fit 20-something girls all the time and I'm real thirsty.

>>16885696
2edgy4me

>>16885652
.

i don't quite hate my exes, in fact as far as I know we're all still on good terms- but, Joey is the only one that I would happily sleep with again; I'm not sure if it has anything to do with a deep-rooted love that's still there and will forever be there, but.. who knows.. it's an interesting feeling that I have.

>>16885675
K?

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>>16885302
Psychology is pseudoscience and you're an idiot

Please go back to tumblr

Hey i miss you.

It's been two years and we've hung out a few times since and it's crazy when you text me when im thinking about you. i loved every second that we facetimed after not seeing you for 2 years and after catching up, i realized that you were me. we are so similar it is ridiculous.

youve always been my best friend. i loved seeing you smile and i loved staring at you and i loved your java brown hair that tumbles in waves. i fell in love with your curly hair and i couldnt kiss your freckles enough times and i couldnt try harder to blend into your family.

sometimes id stare at you or sit with you and smile because i felt like we were old and still in love. i loved how you were taller than me. i loved our car rides and i loved how you accepted me and i loved you. you loved me.

you always had something interesting to say and ill always have a place for you. maybe its just the loneliness speaking because ive gone through girls and none of them are here today and i miss the company, but i want to give you the world again. you knew me so well.

>>16885325
Don't forget that we regret more the things we don't do rather than the things we do.

>>16885652
These are my initials. I doubt the person I'm thinking of even posts on 4chan anymore. On the off chance... Hell, I haven't heard from you in awhile, but just know my feelings haven't changed. I thought I would just let you do your thing in life because I always felt like I was getting in the way. It felt like the mature, rational thing to do.

ES,

I miss you so much. I have always cared about you, but I just don't know if you even give a fuck about me, or ever did. Sometimes it seems like I was just your backup plan for when your attempts at cooler friends fell through, or your hot tall Chad crush rejected you. I don't like being someone's fallback. I don't think you're even into girls, you were just lonely and interested in me because I had high social status and every guy was "into me". I mean, how fickle is our friendship that it all fell through over fucking 60mg of Adderall? I didn't even take it. I sold it. I was so fucking mad that you dropped me because I wouldn't give it to you, that I just sold it. I'm so immature. It was all over when you got that online BF anyways and started ignoring me to talk to him. Even when we hung out, you'd just ignore me and flirt with dudes on snapchat or kik the whole time.

I actually loved you. I wasn't messing around. But you only ever used me for attention, and when I was away in treatment, you just replaced me in a heartbeat like everyone else did. I miss you more than anything anyways though. I'd easily let you back into my life if you just took the time to message me even once, if you just showed at all that you care. But you don't, and you won't. I always end up crawling back to you but I don't wanna be a beta cuck anymore. I have so many girls in my inbox, why would I orbit some straight girl? I just want things to be different.

Hey you.
I stopped posting here as on this website and only read posts. You know. To prevent copyright, and yet I feel there's a sense of copying.

You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you. I have an objectively attractive face and body. Men ask me for my number, even on the fucking subway when I look like shit coming back home. And they're fucking strangers. But am I somehow not good enough for you? I'm always responsive when you flirt with me and we have so much in common that it's scary. Why the fuck don't you want me? I should just ask you but I can't. I can't bring myself to do that because I fear I'll find out you don't like something about myself that I can't change, and I've never found anyone as good as you before, even though I absolutely hate saying that. Am I not your type? Am I not smart enough for you? I make you laugh, I see I make you blush, I flirt back with you and get your dumb ass jokes, I comfort you when you're having a shitty fucking day and I do all the friend-type shit for you yet you haven't taken this any farther. I have done my part. I talk to you about your work shit and you come to me to vent about things. You seem to share this stuff with me and not other people. Why treat me differently, seek me out, only when you need something? Are you using me? What is it that you think is missing in me, such that you either don't want a relationship with me, or you think I can't give it to you?

If you keep leading me on, I'm going to have to start to ignoring you and your bullshit. You're short, you've gained weight, your office is a mess. And by the way, you're a shitty programmer. Everyone can see you're less talented than C and he's basically carrying you through this whole thing. He's ended up writing the skeleton for every recent project. The fuck have you done except say you're "working on it"? You make dumb fucking mistakes all the time, and it has nothing to do with the language. STFU ABOUT SCHEME. WE AREN'T USING SCHEME. WE'RE USING C++.

I have shitty self-esteem and I've come to accept it. I don't really hate or pity myself, I just sort of accept that I'm mediocre at best. But it's gotten to the point where it's getting in the way of doing something with my life.

Everything intimidates me and I feel so completely out of my depth that I just want to hide away from everything in some remote area of the world even though I know that's entirely childish and unrealistic.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to make money, have friends and do fun things. I want to live my life. But I don't think I can handle it. I just know I'll try it, screw everything up like I always do and come out of it feeling way worse than I did coming in.

But I can't do nothing forever either, so I don't know what to do. I'm not killing myself, that's for sure.

>>16886221
>not using HTML9

kek

I think that I am starting to have feelings for this girl that lives in the same student apartment complex as I.
Yesterday, when we were watching movies together from the tv, I wanted to wrap my arm around her and hug her. I didn't though, as I am not sure if she likes me.

Forcing yourself to stay single and not even try is hard and getting more difficult it seems.

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>crazy weekend
>don't remember shit from Saturday (very drunk)
>wonder why I'm missing some money
>piecing it together today via friends
>turns out I fucked some girl I knew and got dropped back off at the party (at a friend's house)
>"Hahaha yeah, man you were shitfaced. You came back grinning and ordered pizzas for everyone at the party and kept singing."
>crashed at gay friend's place (he was my ride) and apparently played some vidya
>bad drunk memories and what-ifs come flooding back today
>send gay friend a text
>Him: "Yeah, you got a bit frisky and kept trying to kiss me. I figured it was just the alcohol lol. We're good. We just cuddled a bit and I just tucked you in. You were out immediately."

Embarrassed as fuck since I've never done anything with guys before. Apparently drunk me just wants to fuck everything now.

I've developed feelings for someone who isn't my girlfriend of five years... And I have no idea what to do..

I literally have no idea what to do, this guy has been really fucking me over the past few weeks with how he does or doesnt feel about me, its getting so overwhelming, should I say something about it in person this week?

>>16886557
If it is serious, dump your girlfriend and seek the other person.
If it is just infatuation, it is mostly normal. Cut off the other person and wait till the feelings go away. Try to spend more time with your girlfriend, spice up the relationship, enjoy what you have.
Don't hate yourself. Don't do things you'll regret.

>>16885302
Mom and dad,

I'm sorry that I'm pissing away your money on this stupid degree. I don't even enjoy what I'm doing anymore. I just hope that I can find some kind of job and make a decent life for myself.

Love,
J

>>16886221
>I do all the friend-type shit for you
>you haven't taken this any farther. I have done my part.

This is why I don't ask women out.

One woman's "OMG I was just being friendly" is another woman's "OMG I AM MAKING IT SOO OBVIOUS".

Fuckin' ambiguity man.

I want to sleep with every guy who opens a door for me. It takes all my strength not to be a slut.... just had to say it

>>16886944

KEK.

Can't tell if serious or not...

I dunno if this is some tumblr humour about guys wantin' sex for being "nice" or whether this is genuine...

Shit, I open doors and hold them open for people (of both genders) and never ever thought anyone would think like that... Fantastic, you've just ruined politeness for me.

I haven't had sex in almost a month, and I've been so horny that even just drying myself when I got out of the shower this morning was enough to make me start dripping.

What the fuck.

>>16886995
You're a whore Harry !

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>>16886996

>>16887011
>In order to get laid I just have to open my legs

>>16886949
Lol ... I just moved from Paris to London and here everyone is a such a gentleman. I've just dumpedmy ex of 4 years who was a complete bag of dicks. Opening doors and holding my bag... asking if I'm cold... total turn on! Never stop being nice... The world needs more OPs like you.

I hate you for how you tried to make you fucking another girl "NOT MUH FAULT" because you weren't in your "right mind" -- dude, that's like a drunk chick fucking someone and then screaming rape and expecting someone to pity them.

Fuck you man.
I'm thrilled we broke up.

I fucking hate my new habit of making dirty jokes.
God dammit! I used to hate them. I still do, but I just can't help myself from making them.
I feel sick from myself. Like I literally wanna puke.

Dammmmmmit. Just get yourself together, man.
For the love of god, STOP.

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I miss you so much, but I'm doing so much better now. I have a life I never thought I would, and its a life you'll probably never see. Our talks were great. I miss recommending you all sorts of music and making that list of movies we would watch together. I miss snapping you day-in/day-out and talking about our days.

But you know what? You changed. You started wearing fake eyelashes, posting a lot on social media, and basically became a basic bitch. You never would have given up on anything you loved; whether it was me or a friendship or your passions. Even a bit before we broke up, I ignored our own turmoil to try to remind you how much you loved dance and diving. Maybe you're going through a quarter-life crisis. But I know now, after those years, I'm not the one who needs help. Every time I miss you I need to remind myself; you aren't who I fell in love with. And that makes me miss you more than ever. We'll probably never see each other again, but at least then I won't be able to see you change more every day.

>>16886996

women get horny every month when ovulation occurs and for some of us it's the ONLY time we're horny

pay attention in health class instead of playing your pokemans

>>16886949
>you've just ruined politeness for me

oh fuck, seriously, they were raping you with their thoughts!

get a fucking grip, autistard. you'd be lucky anyone thinks about you at all.

>>16885712
better bust a move then and learn to act like a human who's capable of reproducing or you can just fuck off out of the gene pool and continue fantasizing about fit girls and hentai while the rest of procreate.

creep.

You're an idiot to antagonize me. You think you can go to war with me and win but I've been around a lot longer than you and I'm still here. I'll always be able to draw people to me and I do it without giving/selling them drugs.

>>16885307
me too, i love stomping on little effeminate failures and neckbearded faggots with a false sense of entitlement.

i feel like i want to grind my heel in their face because they're too inept and likely too fat to do anything about it.

worthless
terrible
effeminate

LOSERS.

So it seems every time I post here I get the same response - "you're fat/ugly/psycho"

I am none of these things. When can you guys stop this bullshit? It gets real old.

>>16886770
I Honestly don't know.. Like it's been a whole year that I've been developing feeling for the other girl and I know She has feeling for me because well that's a long story. Hahaha.. I just don't know which one to pick...

I miss him so much. I think about him all the time. I just wish he would talk to me again. I don't care if we get into a romantic relationship, I just miss having that friendship.

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I love my pup so much.
She's the only one who will never hurt me.
She loves me so much.

I want to fuck you again. We should get drunk more often.

>>16887326
Dump your girlfriend and date the new girl.

>>16886557

In exactly the same situation, bro.

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>>16887665
This.

I wish I was less socially inept so I could have made you feel the same way about me as I do about you.

>>16885330
K is dead now. Pretty soon, I'll be, too.

I wish I had even the slightest control over my own mental state

>>16888183
Just go do something you enjoy.

>>16887994
I'm glad you understand.

>>16885675
Hm

>>16885302

Deine Augen sind wie Sterne. Ich liebe dich. Bitte geh nicht fort.

My feelings haven't changed.

I know that I need to see a therapist I am just too afraid to make the appointment

>>16888465
I was really afraid too, I had to have a mental breakdown before I had the courage to call. I feel so much better now, and I swear it's worth it.
I hope you will call hem sooner than I did.

>>16888444
Initials?

I just wish I knew how you are feeling. Idk how to read people anymore I guess, and it's bugging me.

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>>16888465
>years ago
>work up the balls to make the call
>doc is out of town for 3 months

David my darling, i'm losing endless sleep worrying about you, yearning for your touch again, and wake needing to hold you even more, i need your sweet kiss, I love you

>21
>failed university two times
>uni loans
>uneployed
>parents divorcing
>only thing that gets me happy is ocassionally using drugs and 2 or 3 mates that i somehow still have
life's good

>>16888461
Initials?

>>16888261
That would be nice if there was any motivation to do anything.

>>16888691
or if I enjoyed doing anything

I just want to live in my dreams.

>>16888691
The motivation will come later.
Choose things that you might enjoy, that are easy to do. Plan when to do them. Do them. Reward yourself with something simple, for sticking to your plan.
Keep doing this for a while and motivation will eventually develop. You need to get past the inertia first though, so bribe yourself or whatever works.
Actions first. Activity creates motivation.

I feel sorry for your baby because she has an alcoholic unstable dad

I act like I hate you cause I really just love you and it makes me so stressed out that you're acting differently around me now, we are definitely drifting and I don't know what to do, it hurts

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>>16885302
My abandonment and lack of family growing up drove me to seek a way to build a family as quickly as possible, so I was married by 21 to the woman I met at 18, and had a kid at 23. I have a career that pays enough, we really don't "want."

But I'm completely unsatisfied and unhappy. I love film so much that even watching simple film essays on YouTube can bring me to tears. I adore cinema, and I will never have an opportunity to try my hand at creating it because of the obligations I've built for myself.

I built something I needed and I'll never have what I want all because of the family I was born into and the choices I was guided into making.

I want to text you, but have no desire for prison time.

Why would you do that...

To everyone

Fuck you all being so clever when you are only shooting yourselves in the leg.
This is in the long run, something you all seem to have missed.
Closing your eyes and ears from the truth won't silence it. Only loud lies can make the truth seem foolish, you once told me it's all about context, how about truth and righteousness for a change?

>>16888858
You should talk to them.

>>16888739
>>16888691
Time to pick up a new hobby. How much disposable income or savings do you have?

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Fuck you. You have nothing to be angry about.

>>16885302
I just want to sleep but the panic and anxiety doesn't let me. I want to be able to sleep when I'm tired, not just collapse when I'm to exhausted to stay awake any longer.

>>16888915
P.s i don't hate any of you, all this shit has made me hate myself more than anything imaginable, how such a "small"small mistake cost so much to me and all around, but in the end i can only blame myself, for as we are all human i would have done the exact same thing in your positions


Is it too late to stop and forgive? Too late to take it all back i dont know, you were always smarter than me, maybe you'll know..

People keep calling me 'doogie howser' at work, and I'm getting fucking sick of it

Between that, working long hours in a gun and knife club, being depraved of sleep, booze and sex, and being completely long is really taking a toll on me

I know I'm way too young for burn out, but fuck I have feelings and needs too

>>16888995
>Kek
why?

>>16889005
Because nurses think its cute to give me nicknames of shitty old television shows when in reality it makes me feel terrible about myself.

>tfw having a full blown manic episode right now and have no one to share it with
I just want to show someone what it's like to go super saiyen irl

>>16889028
That made me laugh but I'm really sorry, anon.

>>16888155
K who?

I'm only acting distant because I don't know if you want me around. I'm just going to be more confident from now on, screw it. Being shy doesn't help anything.

>>16889059
At least it's fun senpai. Jamming out to music while cleaning my apartment currently, gonna study so much Accounting tonight I'll be the next Andy Dufrain.

I just failed an important midterm (scored 20% below the class average) and the suicidal thoughts I have managed to repress for 4 months have now returned. I don't want to feel like this but I do and can't find a way to stop myself. I'm so sick of constantly being a failure. I feel worthless. I honestly don't know why I tried going back to college. I don't know if I can really do this. Maybe I'm just one of those people who is so fucking incompetent that they just have to work a minimum wage job because they can't ever live up to their potential. The sad thing is, I'm really good at tutoring the people in my class and really seem to help them. But I can't perform on tests at all. It must mean I really don't understand things as well as I think I do. Or I'm just good at helping other people figure things out without actually understanding it myself. I don't know.

My IQ doesn't matter. My people skills don't matter. Nothing about me matters except being able to finish college like so many fucking people are able to do without any problems. Why can't I manage this one simple thing? I'm so fucking incapable and it makes me hate myself more and more each day, that I fail where other people who either don't work as hard or aren't as smart as me are able to do okay.

For the first time, I wish I had actually succeeding in killing myself 9 years ago. The fact that has never occurred to me before scares me. I don't know how I'm going to get through tonight.

>>16889096
Suicidal thoughts pass man bipolar guy here. Do what I do. Imagine your roommate/police officer coming in and having to look at your dead body and clean the scene. That's what horrifies me from doing it. Then think about how badly you just hurt your friends and family when you could have been a real martyr and stuck it out. Be a hero senpai.

Not killing yourself = the real an hero

>>16885302
At the moment I'm extremely hype because there's this girl I've liked for a while now, and when I told her that tonight, she told me she's been interested in me as well!

It gets better, lads. Just hang in there.

I had a dream that we were talking at work and you suddenly told me that you might divorce your wife because things had been rough for too long. You sounded a little solemn when you talked about how it was difficult to keep her happy because of various reasons (moving, her being a commuter, lack of time together, growing apart, etc.). But you breathed a sigh and gave me a sad smile and told me that maybe it was for the best that it happens because you both changed over time.

My dream self felt a tiny flare of hope, but it almost instantly fizzled out with concern/worry. I put my hand over yours and I told you that you should talk to her first. Try to get what you had back, try to iron out things together and maybe you can make it work still. You smiled at me and said, "You think? I mean... we sort of talked about it, but she didn't really want to listen to me.. but I could try again. I don't know if it will work but I can try. Thank you for listening. And I'm sorry for unloading on you like this so suddenly."

Jesus fucking Christ, I can't even think about you being single in my dreams. I feel so guilty for dreaming about you divorcing your wife. FUCK. It feels like a sin. It bothers me so much.

>>16889115
I know it would fuck up my parents, and I don't want to be an asshole who leaves a mess for some poor bastard to clean up after.

Thanks man. I still feel like fucking shit, but I guess I'm still here.

>>16889252
Just don't want you making a regrettable decision man. Because if there is a afterlife your gonna feel like shit. Not really gonna try and cheer you up because I know how shit it is.

I wish humanity's resources were all focused in the making of Douglas Adams guns from the HHG ot the G film.

>>16889272
Ha that's true. It would really suck if there was an afterlife and we just completely fucked ourselves.

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My sister is driving me up the fucking wall. I don't understand how someone could be so scummy or childish.

>trying to start petty arguments with me over little issues
>leave for the weekend so I can spend time with friends
>come back yesterday evening and keep to myself
>"oh, it has been quiet. this is nice."
>knock on door an hour ago
>apparently her makeup was 'a mess' and the only culprit would be me

I haven't touched a thing. I haven't even set foot in the bathroom. I can't escape this psychotic bitch.

to B

i can't stop thinking about you even though it's impossible for me to be with you. I wish it was like that time we watched spirited away forever.

—JS

I wish more than anything you would tell me "goodnight I love you"
I wish you would keep lying to me

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>get advice to get haircut, dress better and shave
>do all three this past week
>feel nice, clean and happy
>three girls approach me over the weekend and start wanting to talk
>spaghetti a bit but make one laugh

I'm on my way I guess. I just need to get used to talking to people again.

You ruined my like faye. I gave up my childhood, my family, my friends, myself, everything for you. For 15 years everything I did was to help you become the best you could be, and you wasted it. No matter how hard I tried you just sat there, never committing to anything you started. You used me, to get back to where you wanted to be. Then you betrayed and abandoned me for a boy 10 years younger then you, and of course you couldn't commit to that either. Despite all of this, I would take you back. But I know I don't even exist for you anymore. You're onto your next victim, I just hope that one day, when everyone knows who you really are, and want nothing to do with you, that you remember me, and know you will always be welcomed back into my life.

Suicide is a question of when

I have zero ambition for the future nothing anyone has ever presented to me has been appealing I'm 14, or 15 idk and when I'm at school it's like a dream, nothing completely makes sense and it feels like I'm not
actually there. It feels the same whether it's good grades or F's. I'm just gonna live my life and see how far I can get, give it my best shot, family, kids and happily married or stuffed in a gym bag and tossed in the dessert either way it's all...meh.

"Live like your gonna die next year. Dangerously but not that dangerously"

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I am such an idiot in the cafeteria I was sitting next to a girl (crowded area limited seating I ask to join her she smiles and says yes), We start hitting it off. About 3 or 4 minutes later another guy shows up I assume hes trying to hit on her as well or its her boyfriend.So halfway through some flirting and small talk he shows up, I get embarrassed and like a weasel I find my nearest option to scurry and vacate the area.

Luckily I see in the corner of my eye an available seat I finish my chips and water. Now I am walking to the trashcan to dump my garbage, I look up she staring at me with those eyes that are really flirtatious like she was into me. Then she waves and smiles at me. I am not sure if I am an idiot for leaving or if that is her boyfriend or someone who was also interested in the same girl either way if I see her again, I am going to say hi and see what goes from there.

You are so cute and funny. now i am wondering if I made a fool of myself.

>>16888790
I feel you

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>doing group project
>person who is supposed to do a power point hasn't said a word on group text
>other group member wants me to do a poster the night before it's due
This is a group project gone wrong.

Everyone wants me to go to uni next year but I have no desire to. I would rather do anything, whether it be working with my hands, or climbing a corporate ladder, I don't really care. I feel I'll be disappointing everyone if I do that though...

nothing

All I ever did was love you
All I ever did was care
All I ever did was want to know what you were going through

You say that no one has ever loved you
You said that you needed some one to talk to
You said I was to clingy

You think you're smarter than the rest of us
You think your faith makes you wiser
You think that your blind hatred will bring you eternal bliss

I should have seen this all coming
I should have given you want you want
I should have tried to make it work instead of fall apart

I knew it wasn't going to work
I knew you were ignorant
I knew that you were doing the exact same shit they always do

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One day he's calling me baby and the next he tells me that he wants to take a break. He wouldn't tell me the truth, I had to force it out of him. Found out that he wanted a relationship with another girl, one that he had loved for years, and that I was the back up plan in case things didn't work out with her. He got together with me because I was the substitute. I was the second-best, I was the 'good enough'.

I asked him if the other girls he had been with knew that they were replacements, too. I get the response, "You sure make a lot of assumptions about my other relationships".

It feels like I'm being slapped in the face constantly. I still love this person. And when you love something, you fight for it. I tried, I really did. I tried to make it work, I tried to fix it, and I wasn't even the person who did anything wrong. I'm humiliated. I've been physically ill over this for the past three months (it's been that long since the break-up).

Being with him has been the only thing that brought me joy in years. And now this thing that made me so happy is gone, and it was kind of a lie all along, wasn't it?

I'm sorry. I know this board is already full of melancholic faggots, and I'm just adding to the mess. The other part of me wants to put a bullet in my brain. I'm not a well human being, I haven't been for some time, and this feels like the final nail in the coffin. I want to go back to how it was, with the constant text messaging, the little hearts we used to send each other, but it can't ever be like that.

The only things I have left of this relationship are text and Skype messages, and a picture I drew of us together.

I still love you, you fat Irish fuck. I still love you.

>>16885302
I met a cute girl on a delivery today. She works at a nursery not far from my house. I regret not asking her name.

>>16887326
If it's been going on for so long then maybe you should at least talk with your girlfriend about taking a break...

>>16889555

Every group project usually goes off the rails. The only option is to actually assign tasks to each member, etc. and nail down the main form of communication. Still, people suck and you can only make it known who is responsible for what early on so if there's one weak link you know who needs to be held accountable.

People usually hate me though since I immediately take control of projects. Fuck them if they're just going to shrug and wait till the last minute.

>>16889747
I love you Stephanie. Call me

>>16889898
I'm sorry, anon. I'm not Stephanie.

I'm sorry lupita, I wanted us to work more than anything, I wish I could have told you of my depression, my anxiety, my trust issues. I was never good enough for you, and I'm sorry I just disappeared. Sorry for wasting your time, sorry for how I treated you. I'm sorry I get jealous, sorry I'm not affectionate and I'm sorry I was never enough. I still love you. I'm sorry

So I've been working at pizza place for about a week now, and just realized I never signed anything. Then my manager asks for my info via text, so he can give it to the area manager to complete payroll. Can they complete it without my signature? I'm hesitant to send my info out? Even though I trust the dude. Posting in here cause my phone is being retarded, and won't let me post a picture

>>16889922
Bump

>>16888587
Cheers!

I've been cheating on my boyfriend of 3 years with someone who is in love with me. I can't seem to make a choice. Sex is so much better than it is with the bf and he treats me better.

I was feeling pretty down earlier and wasn't sure what it was all for. But you know what? Fuck you shits. I made it despite your best efforts. I proved every single one of you assholes wrong. You threw everything you had at me after God threw everything God had at me. You miserable fucks spent day and night thinking about me. What now?? I'm going places and you ain't. Boo ya.

>>16889922
They're probably doing something illegal. A legit job always involve you signing a contract unless it's a gig.

I was never this guy, but I have constantly found myself compromising for you. Such is love, I suppose...

It ended terribly, but I still gave you more than a year. I am about to hit a year clean, and I am sorry you will never know this version of me. This is what you claim you always wanted from me, is it not?

I never lied, when it came to always and forever. Cuddle the dogs for me. I am done here; if I was right, you know my number.

You will never know how much I love you, Elissa.

>>16890111
Where do I find guys like you?

I am fucking terrible with Western women. After dating and having long term Asian girlfriends (locals, from Japan and Korea) for the past 4 years I really don't know how to handle Western women anymore.

Even on Tinder their patience seems to be zero. Meeting new people is really hard since I'm fucking terrible at this online flirting

>>16889922
When you say info, what kind of info exactly? Bank account info? If so, they can do nothing but give you money, unless they have your password, thumb or signature, so there's nothing to worry about. Contracts in chain food companies can also take a while, so that's not too unusual either. Just ask your manager, I'm sure he won't mind.

>>16890134
rite here baby shieeeeeeeeeet

I often lay in my bed, thinking of him.
The laughs, pains and time we have shared. The thought of him looking me in the eyes and smiling the way he did the night we kissed, under no influence than our feelings alone, makes me feel warm.
I find myself wanting that, wanting more.
Many evenings, I wish I could run my fingers through his hair, rest my head on his chest and laugh with him before falling asleep in his embrace.
I wish I could love him. He deserves to hear those words, but not from me. He deserve better.

>>16885329

Does your first name start with C and last name with H?

>>16886052
Not K.

>>16890205
Just love him then.

>>16889867
Right? Idk I've been pretty good at controlling myself hell I got the new girl drunk alone several times just me and her and a bottle of white rum almost 6 dAys in a row. Lol and I still didn't do anything with her except let her cry about other boys and hug and cuddle. Like I would not let hands wonder or eyes connect too long.. I was smart because I love the girl I'm with but just the feelings I get around this new girl. Omg do I want to explore.... But like should I really break this woman's heart for something that might be a hot mess? Like this new girl we click so well it's scary. Like I never had an attraction to Brown eyes but I want to swim in her eyes... Don't even get me started on her fucking giggle.. And she's a metal head. Like dude I'm getting butterflies typing this and she and my girlfriend are in the same room with me playing Minecraft together because that's how good of friends they are too. She is spending the night with me and my girlfriend tonight, gettin stoned and drunk, playing Minecraft. Like I'd take a three some right now. But that's the beer talking hahaha Shit man what do I do?

I've been fwb with a girl who's in an open relationship for two years now. I got a gf recently but my fwb is so fucking magnetic, I can't do anything with my gf without imagining it being her.
It used to just be the sex, but now it's everything; her laugh, her sense of humor, her innocent obedience in bed, how softly she kisses even in the heat of things, her little noises, sexual or otherwise. I really think I want to marry her, but maybe I just miss her. Summer can't come fast enough.

>>16887297
Then don't behave unattractively. If it's "every time" then you're clearly doing something that revolts people and they're simply making an educated guess as to what your current status is that would justify acting the way you do.

I want to kill my self. I am a failure and i'm sick of trying. I just gain more problems and know one cares. I fucking wouldn't trust them if they did. But i trusted you, with my heart. That was foolish I know. But i thought you could use the the love . But you just used me. Fuck it. i'm over it. I never judged you after everything you did. I was always there. But when I needed you to stay, you left. When I freaked out you ignored me. Which I was almost glad, to get a break from your exhausting craziness. But you make me feel alive. even if it's not always happy. but now it's back to my self-loathing unmotivated worthless feeling self. You had an opportunity to help someone who really needed you. If you had any faith or patience. You don't understand love or friendship or teamwork. You think I am weak you expect so much more from me but you don't understand you're the key. I just want to chill with you. we never relax. Msg me please. It hurts to get blown off by you every time. Don't throw me out like garbage.

Whether I killed myself now or a hundred years from now, it would always be the day before I would've won the lottery.

The universe rewrites itself so regardless what choice I make, it's always the wrong one.

>>16890726
Yes, but you are AWARE that life is bitterly unfair. Change your expectations.

Why is someone who made the effort to repeatedly show and tell all the ways other people are or could be better and more useful surprised when you let them go be with someone better for them? Even after we broke up, he made the point to say how great other people would be for him. So why act surprised when I walk away and stay gone? Even now he's surrounded by people quite openly saying all the things they should do together, and one or two in particular jumping at the chance to be with him. Should he not be focusing on them?

Was in a fucked up love triangle about a year and a half ago. Although it was short lived and ended horrifically i still think about it alot. I havent contacted the person i was interested in since everything exploded, even though i really really want too. I know it wouldnt do me any good.

I love you. I know I keep playing it cool and pretend you don't mean much to me, but holy shit I'd tear the world apart to be with you, to see you smile. I don't care about how fucked up you are, you're still the most incredible person on earth.

j-

Hey. *another hug*

>>16890991
Initials?

being in a relationship with my girlfriend that's taboo. She's lost her parent's trust, her belongings, and a friend. Now she is about to lose another friend all because of being in a relationship with me. She's not allowed to be with me. She's so desperate to talk to me. Now it's gotten so bad. I'm probably facing jail time or whatever over her parents' reaction to me.

I feel so bad. Like a piece of crap. But her and I relationship is so good and close. We both have so much in common and have difficulties. This whole thing sucks.

It's a really shit day for me

I hope things get better soon when I wake up.

I'm still in love with a girl that made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me and I haven't even talked to her in a year.

fuckboi -

shit, babe I could have eaten you alive last night.

>>16891074
M and M.

I just masturbated thinking about you and I came twice

I relapsed, hard. My arm looks like a fucking pin cushion.

I have no one. Still, I want my life back. I am at two days, the worst part of this. I am doing this alone, and I will not buckle.

You can start your bullshit now.

Keep telling yourself that.

Gee I dunno man, maybe you shouldn't have fell in love with someone who wasn't your wife

Inexplicably and for no real reason, I've fallen in love with you.

But I'm haunted by ghosts and it seems the season is bringing them out in turns. Strange, I feel quiet and introspective. I wish I could tell you.

>>16891250
I'm sorry.

Hang in there.

Everything I do fails, no matter what. I'm 21 and I still haven't been to university. I have no A-Levels. I want to go into fashion design but I feel like the more I try the more things go wrong.
I don't have any close friends, my relationship with my parents is very poor, I had one romantic relationship and it was abusive.
I'm just pathetic, I don't know what to do anymore.

>>16891250
I haven't used this in ages, but...

Remember this moment, whenever you waver.

Addiction takes everything from us, and leaves us nothing but shattered lives.

>>16891553
No, he used a regular trip.

>>16891575
wait was his trip broken?

this is taking long enough, I'm gonna start pushing. this needs to be done in the next two days. you're costing me now and I'm not going to accept that. been a learning experience though. could have made that connection myself and had this done in probably half the time.

"slow down" no
"why do you think you deserve that" because I'm doing what's necessary to get it. I put in the work.
"you're too young" completely irrelevant, I have the skills. get off your emotional bigoted shit and lets look at merits

you, the second I've got this going, I'm cutting you loose. terrible business connection and I don't have time for it. this trying to change deals after it's already been negotiated and being flaky as fuck, nah man, I don't have the time or patience for you to hold back my business and take up my time.

you, yes, you are about to lose control of my life. I'm not sorry, I don't and won't regret it, you need to sit down and shut up cause you're just prolonging the inevitable.

everyone get the fuck out of my way. resisting something good, the fuck are you smoking? you trying to get left behind? cause I will drop these connections at the snap of a finger motherfuckers. I absolutely do not have time for your shit and wont tolerate it being around me. planet of 7 billion people and a city of several million, you think I can't make better connections? better shape up and step behind my plans or gtfo.

I'm not fucking playing around with this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2bBZvSPpOo

i want to kill myself

>>16891634
I love you, mane.

I wish i'd had taken advantage of the hug I gave you and kissed you.

But no, you could still hurt me very badly because I want you.

>>16891653
killing yourself is a useless gesture. what are you going to do after? ostensibly nothing, you can't absolutely prove anything otherwise and to attempt to do so is hubris and arrogance of the highest degree. accept that first. this all you have.

alright, so now you've got a base. so you don't like what you have, list the things you dont like. got the list? cool, figure out solutions to all those problems. its not gonna be easy necessarily and you should spend some time on it. got the solutions? good. which ones can you implement immediately? figured that out? good. now forget the rest, hakuna matata. fix the problems you can now (remember that failure and success are not mutually exclusive, weird I know. shit isn't gonna fix itself by tomorrow) be realistic, realize youre gonna have to work for it. probably pretty hard if you're wanting to kill yourself (been there, I know). cool so you fixed some of those problems right? go back to the list, any new problems you can fix from where you are now? cool go for those and forget the rest. rinse. repeat. when you have a day where you realize you remembered how to smile, not that fleeting smile from laughing at a joke, seeing someone you like, whatever; but you find yourself actually smiling all day... for no particular reason. that moment? I want you to aspire to that and to remember all the hard work you did when you get there and realize that you have reached a new life and new realm of opportunity.

then the work isn't done. then it gets harder, but the hardest part is done and now you have the will and tools to get it done.

I had my realization that I remembered how to smile three days ago.

I love my fiancee so much and fuck she's a dick at times. every time theres an argument, she makes me feel bad about it. even it it's her fault.

>>16891653
its all up to you man. no one is going to do it for you. your problems are not likely to simply disappear. chances of someone coming along and handing you everything you want are near 0 and even if they did you don't currently have the tools or ability to handle it. realize this, take personal control and responsibility and tell yourself "I WANT to do this, now." then make small steps at first.

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>>16891693
We always hurt the ones we love.
And those wounds are the deepest, because that person was the closest.

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>>16888444
nice numbers

>>16891588
No.

He gave his code up a year ago.

>>16891802
who cares

track him down and suck his dick why don't you drugfag

I am unable to develop resentment toward you.
I understand why you are the way you are.
The door will be always open for you.

M, I'm sorry for not coming to the hospital more often. I know you don't want to go through the cancer treatment anymore, but you have to do it because I love you and I need you. One lifetime is not enough to thank you for all you did for me. Please don't go.

>>16890489
Initials? Yours and hers?

>>16891728
That's beautiful. And true. Original poster.

I guess I don't know why if you can brush against me seductively (which I enjoyed very much, thank you) you can't send me a message via fb. I don't get it.

But if you were just messing around with me then I guess it's best you don't. Still, I just want peace with you.

After months torturing myself of thoughts how i should have fucked the girl i dated months ago. that i was too cautious at the time. Had so many question what i did wrong etc. I decided to stalk her fb again 'in a relationship'.

I feel mad and destroyed, this girl was probably dating this guy and me around the same time and i fucking lost i will never get with her and this hurts. Instead of me being the bf it's some other dude. I hope this realization will help me forget her faster.

my prof basically asked me out for a date off campus during spring break. he's a teacher for one of my current classes and likely will be for at least one more semester.

this is not bait. i have maybe a C or a D in his class now (curve hasn't been determined yet) even though I got an A in his last class, so he "believes" in me and shit. i'm hoping his intentions are innocent, but one of my friends notices he pays special attention to me and jokes with me more than other students. i feel like this is an inappropriate way to get extra help in the class, but obviously i fucking need it because this class is a prereq for my major requirements and even though i'm trying hard to improve in the homework projects, i really fucked up on my last test worth a significant part of our overall grade.

he's less than 10 years older than me and quite friendly, so i'm not afraid that he's going to rape me or some shit. still though.... wat do?

>>16892016
This is what happens with women in STEM

>>16892046
My sister is (1) hot and (2) in STEM and it's never happened to her.

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>>16892053
Your whole family is a bunch of fucked up drugged up genetic failures

Maybe she isn't hot enough, you wide eyed slackjawed peter pumper?

>>16892053
maybe i'm hotter but more stupid than your sister

Look at me, I'm out of sync, I'm missing my gets

The magic is leaking out of me by the day

I'm miserable without you; I was miserable with you

I wish the message in OP were for me.

>>16892067
Both my parents are lawyers. Where exactly are the drugged up genetic failures?

>>16892137
"
My parents have been married for 25 years. Granted, I wouldn't wish their marriage on my worst enemy (they hate each other), but there's no reason why two people can't be together for that long without being abusive dicks, too.
"

"I'm bisexual and my dad has no idea.

He's an abusive, racist homophobe so if anything I probably want to piss him off."

"My dad is an ugly, narcissistic, abusive shell of a man and he doesn't really care about me as a person at all, so I kind of hate him"

I'm a depressed fuck.
Too "scared" to seek any help regarding it, so I just keep living in my head until it probably just boils over one day.

>>16892169
Don't let it boil over. Don't get to the point where you've almost completely fucked up your life beyond salvaging. I did, and now that I'm trying to rebuild it, everything is infinitely harder than it would have been had I stopped everything and sought help at the time I really started to go downhill. I really screwed myself over. I feel almost as low now as I did when I wanted to actually kill myself. I'm such a huge fuckup. I don't even know what kind of life I want now that so many of my options are gone.

Hahahahaha fatcunt supporters enjoy your hiv and 'fake nice' bullshit

>>16892169
The experience of seeking help really isn't a scary thing, and you should just go ahead and do it now. You'll end up a lot better than you will if you wait until things get really, really bad to seek the help you need.

I didn't seek help for years, because it wasn't an option for me, and I would've been years ahead if I had had that opportunity.

any advice for >>16892016 would be appreciated
do i just say i'll be out of town, or should i actually go to see what's up and leave if it gets weird?

>>16892231
>>16892205
yeah...
I know I'm just making it worse by waiting about.

But it's like ripping of a bandaid.
Even though I know that ripping it off now is better(and I really do know that), it just seems so much easier to just lie to myself, saying it's fine and living this pretending life until I eventually deep down know it's gonna catch up with me.


I mean,,,, fuck.
Like half a year ago, I made myself send an email to some psychologist. I took me like 2 hours just to "man up" and manage to send that anonymous email.
I never replied to the answer I got. I'm not even sure if I ever opened the email I received.

I saw you there earlier, in the place we talked about so long ago, where we go, as I looked and smiled and felt reassured, threw all my doubts aside, I convinced myself I was crazy for a few moments, that my fantasies were running wild and real again, then uneasy, and as reality made itself, I wondered why. I need to let myself believe in myself again. I was already staring to feel myself again. This love feels good. We're good

>>16892386
I looked up, realising I seem to know you're there before I see you. Sensing you is amazing, I never had that with anyone

>>16885302
I really need to get off the internet sit down and just study for my calculus test tmmrw

That hurt a little today.

>>16891634
I sincerely apologize to anyone that is going to take my pushing as being rude or shitty in anyway. I'm just not willing to give up any momentum. aspirations to unstoppable force and all, you understand. I'm doing it as nice as possible, but I'm going to be going at this hard and I may cause stress. just do your best, it's all I ask.

the moment came and I let my horses out the gate,
shout to slug let my frustrations run.
pent up energy given a target,
let fly like a bullet from a gun.
the offense is palpable
swimming in a sea of toxicity.
folks don't like the intangible,
start acting irrational and show their duplicity.
well lets discuss the illegality of your banality,
the conclusion comes with a degree of finality.
going for the golden plains,
you can't see for the trees.
not all that waves is golden,
I'm collecting honey from the bees.

I want to dominate you
Bend you over my feet
Your purity, saved
To slowly savour it
Bare skin, naked soul
Crawling to me
Whispering my name
Entangled, we burn
Urging to become one

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>>16892643

>>16892231
>>16892257

How do you even begin to talk about your inner most feelings with a total stranger

I hate everything about my life.
I have a good paying job, but I absolutely hate it. It's the best I'll be able to do unless I go to school, which I still can, because I'm only 20, but I don't mostly out of fear and I have no clue where to even begin. Also, I realize that I will not be happy with any amount of money I make because my depression stems from my loneliness. I'd rather have friends or a relationship and be broke than have money and be alone. I have only one friend but he's always busy with his girlfriend and lives too far away. Every single relationship I've attempted to start has never gotten past the dating phase. The current girl I'm trying to pursue led me on and we even hooked up three times, but she's just like every other girl I've attempted to date. She's stopped showing interest and we'll mostly stop seeing each other in the next few weeks. I'm currently living with my sister and her husband and I'd like my own place. I can afford it, but I'm stuck here until the lease is up in about a year.
I'm just a genuinely unhappy person. I tried killing myself three years ago and nothing came of it which is why I don't want to seek help from doctors/medication. I basically was just shoved into a room in a behavioral institution for a week where I couldn't do anything. After they released me I had appointments at the clinic across town with a shitty psychiatrist that lasted about 15 minutes. I stopped setting up appointments and stopped taking my medication because I did not feel a difference at all. I had no support from anyone in my family throughout this either. Everyone just tried to forget about it and swept it under the rug. My family thinks I'm doing better now but I know I feel a million times worse than I did back then. I fear that my life is just destined to end in suicide.
The worst thing is that I'm absolutely numb about everything. I haven't felt any real emotion in years.

Katelyn, you were probably the only woman I could have ever been happy with. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I felt like you were an angel sent from on high to better this world. The fact we'll never meet again depresses me. I know I could reach out for you. I found your Facebook and Twitter accounts before; wouldn't take much effort to find them again. But, I saw that you have a little kid now (and that you whine about being single, too, wtf?). Who am I to reenter your life after it's progressed so far without me in it.

i wish you had bigger tits. You look like a fucking loli even though your a year older than me. You say the stupidest shit sometimes but you're just so fucking cute and naive i cant get mad. I want to leave you but i feel this deep pain wash over my upper body imagining myself without you. You treat me so well for no reason at all and it pisses me off. Youre so perfect academically and i hate it. You always try to help me with my projects even though you know youre the worst at explaining things. Why the fuck do you care about my grades so much? Why do you keep making me study? I wish your tits were bigger, i wanna be able to suffocate in them. when i see girls with huge tits down the street i always think about fucking them rather than you.

>>16885302
I was so happy a few days ago and now everything's fucked. I'm going to see the psychiatrist tomorrow. I can't keep going like this. I don't want to kill myself I just want to get better. I'm tired of crying because of nothing. Even If I don't have a real girlfriend or real friends, I want to be happy and successful. Just for me. If I get better I want to have a dog. Dogs are faithful.

>>16885302
>>16885302
I am on a rant today

Lately I been having lots of anxiety, depression, but most of all anger to the point I want to get revenge on backstabbers on others who ruined my life. Also mostly do to bad experience I had with other a while back that ruined me up a bit, but I am been getting clean. Not to do physical harm, or anything really dark just want to feel even eye for an eye kind of thing. All I wanted to do that one year was break out of being a hermit and make more friends. But no they made it worse for me, and never understood what was going on with me at the time, thanks to that dumb fucking suicidal bitch. She deserved it and I am sure they do to, but no they sided with her. They never understood that the meds I was on at the time made me emotionally loopey into speaking into things that made no sense. Yeah I know I should let go, and its been 8 years, but my life has not gone much anywhere it is now. I fucking hate how they all ruined my social networking structure that I had gone to nothing. They all kept jerking each other off, helping one another get some nice fancy jobs with flexible schedules, and shit. Got to go to other countries and learn other languages. What do I get? Nothing but lousy jobs, and no help from any friends.

I fucking hate you Mike the girl I had a crush on, and wanted to hang out with more is gone, and swept away already. I am happy for her at the least but you kept shouting your damn opinion since my incident. What gives you the right to judge me? Nothing, all I wanted was to at least go on a few dates with this girl but you kept forcing your opinion on me that I could not love her. Hell I still wish I could of gone to the school dances when I was young. I never got to go. She was at least nice to me, and talked to me. Now all I can do is just let her go which is the best plan.

>>16885302
Most of all people I hate is you Brian, all your thinking that you thought came from your brain came from your dick. You never thought of anything else but having sex with young women. Its all you ever thought of, and the perverted mind set you had on girls and images of them you had at a pretty young age. To bad when I tried turning you in your best friend managed to warn you, into you destroying all the evidence. Plus you are a shitty liar who thinks because you are holy jolly you are always telling the truth. It sickens me more to finding out you are a gym instructor now at a school. Yeah something sounds fishy there, and the day I hear you slip up, and go to court, I will testify against you.

Fuck you. Fuck you you stupid boy. I've tried talking to you and you're so dumb that you threw it out just because you're so insecure and then you try to make me feel bad about myself, what have i done to you?! you act like you hate me when there's no fucking valid reason for that! i've done nothing but being nice to you. Fucking asshole.

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>>16885302
Was going to make a thread about this, but I know it will either get no replies or robot remarks. Perhaps here is better.

I have no idea what to do with this autistic girl. We've been close friends for half a year, but I can't shake off the feeling she's burning bridges with me. I feel like I've become the substitute of another guy friend of hers when he's not around. On the one hand she's completely focused on studying for exams in a week (and she should be, given her record so far) but on the other...
>ignores anything I send her over text and doesn't initiate anything even if she says she will, but still logs into the text app multiple times
>asks me to do shit for her at around the same time I ask her for a favour myself. Doesn't say a word when I finish doing her shit, and she never does mine at all
>still seeks me out in person, but acts all repulsed by sitting as far away from me as possible and giving me the deer-in-headlights look if I so much as touch her. And at that distance she's sitting with that guy.
>continously tells me she's too busy to meet up or work together, then gets high with that guy the same afternoon
>chews me out for weeks for flirting with another girl, then ditches me for the XXth time with that guy
None of these happened in the first few months we've known each other.

I'm very patient and that's the only reason I stuck around this long. Even now I'm still willing to point out she's fucking up and give her a final chance. I'm no stranger to autism and I know its limits, but I feel there's more to this than just her condition. And no, it's not cucking.

I am paranoid that i might get my girlfriend pregnant. We're both young which makes it worse to think about if something actually happens.
She takes the pill (regularly) and I'm good about pulling out and all that.
Am I worried over nothing?

>>16892944
It's called wearing a fucking condom.

I want to die. I have been drinking and stuffing my face every night for months and it is only getting worse. I am now the fattest I have ever been. I hate it, I hate myself, I hate what I've become, I hate that I feel fat on my face. I hate that I can't change it. I have no more willpower. I need to lose 25 labs, but I don't think I can lose 5. I know that when the weight eventually comes off I'll still be a mental wreck. Fuck everything. My semi-dream job is working out terribly. I feel like a disappointment to the few people I have in my life.

>Help, I've fallen and I can't get up

>>16892996
That's quite the lab collection you got there

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing him a service by not leaving him.

He's trying but he always slips up by putting his own needs before mine. He cares about me.. but is so obsessed with the whole "gotta take care of myself first" that I always come 2nd place. He wants to vent about his feelings all the time but when I talk about mine its always "well Idk what to tell you". I can't take much more of this.

Sometimes I genuinely think I'm autistic because I'm just that terrible at any and everything related to socializing
I'm not going to self diagnose but damn... If I were diagnosed with autism I wouldn't be surprised? Lol

Sometimes I feel physically sick because I just hate myself so much. I have his like ache in my chest. I want to rip my chest open and just rip the feeling out. I want to throw up.

Dear A, I have liked since the 8th grade. You were the girl that made me realize I like girls. I think you use to like me and I wish i had done something about.

>>16892996
>Stop drinking. Completely.
>>>/fit/
>READ THE FUCKING STICKY

Everyone is making fun of you for being an alcohol-guzzing landwhale.

i want to kiss her so bad but i don't want things to get weird between us

So after I finish electroconvulsive therapy, I am going to learn to drive, get a job at Walmart, start going to church, get fit, learn Krav Maga, write fiction (and probably nonfiction), go back to school for (neuro)psychology, and probably start dating or something.

I'm really excited to start living my life again.

I'm fucking weird. Not in an edgy, quirky, special snowflake kind of way. I'm the Weird Kid™, you know the one. It's pathetic. I hate mysrlf. I'm like level 9001 socially awkward. I try so hard to avoid embarrassing myself and beig judged but it's inevitable, like I'm destined to fuck up. I have about three friends tops, and four of them most likely hate me. Why wouldn't they? I have no redeeming qualities. I have no personality. I either have unstable and overwhelming emotions or I feel nothinh at all. Sometimes I completely disconnevt and its like Im a ghost??? I don't knoe
I like distracting ymself with fictional characters and worlds, be it created by myself or otherss. It's like id rather be anywhere/anyone else than where/who u am now.
I'm a loner. It's weird. I'm a freak. I'm usually alone. Sometjmes I convince myself that being alone forever isnt bad. but in general i wish I had friends. or acquaintances. anyone. I don't want to be stuck with myself. i talk to my charavters all the time and pretend to br them?? ima pussy and cant deal wtih reality bascially .i hate myselff i hate everything about myself. im a FREAK. WHY AM I LIEK THSI? when om not daydreamjng im usuallly thinkingbabout killing myself. no body likes me theyre all making fun o fme im a burden. i just want people to like me i just wany to benormal im a creep stupid snnoying fuckign defectivhomestly what the fuck is wronh woth me i jsut wanna eb like everyon eelseblah blah i eitherrwant to be notmalo rd ead i dont wannta live like this anymore i dknt wanna be like this NYMORE E

>>16893091
I have read the sticky, followed it to a T, and lost weight before and been in the best shape of my life. Every day I tell myself I won't drink, but every night I get home and head straight for the booze or food. When I don't have those things, I just buy them. It's a fucking terrible cycle I'm caught in.

>>16891877
T and S

>>16889115

I ain't bipolar but this is what keeps me going too, for what its worth. I just imagine the look of horror on my mums face or my girlfriends face, usually does the trick instantly

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>>16893176
You're not gonna make it. Go to a sauna and finish the job.

Dear GZ:
You owe me one! I wrote a very honest email and told it like it is, solved one of your office politics problems, and you didn't have to look like an asshole at all, but I did. So for gawd sake throw me some fucking coding work already shithead! I earned it!

Dear LR:
Do you suck and are now off of my "people who are awesome" list. Thanks for systematically shuffling me right off the project and keeping me from getting anything done at all. Eat a bag of dicks, bitch!

Dear DN:
You go ahead and eat a bag of dicks too. You're a loudmouth prima-donna, but we still need you around, so shut your hole and keep up the good work!

Hey JM:
You're a glory hog. I wanna know what leverage it is you have on GZ because you're sucking up all the coding opportunity and it aint fair and I want some. Tell me whatever dirt it is you got on him so I can use it too and finally get some decent coding work out of this asshole.

Hey NW:
You've been kind of unfriendly to me since I arrived, and I haven't figure out why yet, and that was really shitty of you to send me down a path where I wrote a bunch of code that you probably knew well in advance would get thrown out. But good job changing that tune of yours finally! Bout fucking time! I was wondering when you were gonna figure out I'm not your enemy. Knock that horseshit off permanently please. I came here to work, not have my time wasted.

Dear RB:
I'm sorry you had to be in the middle of this fubar clusterfuck bullshit that went on at work, because really I understand you were just doing your job in the middle of it all, so I apologize if I came across as being scolding in any way. You're still on my "people who are awesome" list for sure. Nice folks like you are really few and far between around here and I feel really glad and privileged to know you're around. Keep being awesome!

Would you give me a freaking sign please? I'm losing hope. If you bothered to talk to me, you'd know that I ended my shitty relationship.

>>16893185
Thanks for your kind words of support. I'll think of your post when I'm loading the bullets in my gun.

>>16893199
You won't be the first person I've encouraged to kill themselves/others that then did so, but I still won't forget you.

socially inept is my middle name

>>16893196
How can I give you a sign when you're posting this without even initials?

>>16893212
Pinky promise?

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>>16893228
Pinky promise!

>>16893221
For b.

Sometimes I feel 30%-40% of the people I'm around are genuinely mentally ill to some degree, or too childish in their own weird way. I may be ill to the point I laugh hysterical to myself in private, and occasionally talk to myself when I'm completely a lone, and I have few other little issues, but for the most part I conduct myself like a normal well adjusted human being.

Then I think back to the childish ways I would respond to serious piss poor behavior and bad situations and realize I don't have much room to talk. But I was a kid.

Still though, it's weird how grown ass adults can act and think like kids.

>>16893221
Get it off your chest thread isn't the same as the letter thread but everyone treats them as the same thing anymore sao who cares I guess.

>>16893196
>Because you're psychic, you should know we split up, and I'm ready for you now that I've had my fun

>>16893239
If you do say so yourself!

I bow down before you, oh scion of maturity who posts on 4chan.

Does anyone ave any tips for dealing with paranoia?

I'm really thinking about taking a gap year in between junior college and university. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to major in, and I don't wanna waste time and money finding out. I also wanna get a full time job and move out of my parents house during the year. I can't stand living here anymore, there's seldom a quiet moment, either my step moms stomping through the house going off about God knows what, staring at me like she can't believe I still live here, or blaming me for some shit I didn't do and never apologizing for any false accusations. And her grandson showa up every weekend because she won't tell her son no. She doesn't like the kid half as much as she thinks she does. By the end of the 2nd day she can't tolerate him anymore. And I don't blame her, he may be 5 but the kids a little asshole. About everytime he sees me he tells me that I'm going to play Minecraft with him. He doesn't ask, he tells me. And it's not like I don't have things to do, I have homework, a lab to go to, or rehearsal for a musical. When I finally get home I'm usually pretty worked up and just wanna play an RTS to blow off steam. What I really need to do is get another damn job. I'll have even less time to decompress and relax but I'm tired of being broke all the time. I keep putting in applications but I haven't heard anything back from anyone. I think it's because I have really limited availability, even for part time jobs. I have plenty of experience in retail, and I keep checking on the online application statuses and it never changes from "application revived" or "under consideration" but that's been about the end of it. I know I can get a job in the summer, but I don't want to wait that long and work a job that will have a definite end.

I like coming here because I think it's intersting to see what teoubles other people... Except for anything related to love. Which is 99% of what's posted here.

I realized I am not fit for reading technical books. I've been hoarding pdfs on the subjects I like the most yet I don't think I've read a single one of them throughout, because my attention switches to the next book. Some of them have entertained me p well but that doesn't change the fact that I wanna read that other one already. I just entertained the idea of dropping the reading of all those books altogether and just read fiction as I used to. And it felt liberating. Too bad I'm still attached and want to read at least 3 technical books which are within my immediate interest. I might just read them why not. But I won't put so much weight on reading a bunch of technical books. I have other things to do already and I used to like reading for fun, fiction that is.

Dear A
I still dont understand why you left me so suddenly. I mean just the other day you were telling me how much you love me and how amazing i am. And you had to give me some bullshit reason that just stabs me in the heart every time it goes through my mind. "I just lost all feelings for you" You made me feel safe. You said you'd be here forever. You said you'd never leave my side. Yet here i am, clutching my pillow trying to breathe i cant stop crying. I gave you my 100% every single fucking day. I admit i had days where i didnt feel much for you, but i always got over it because the thought of you in pain or with someone else kills me. Even when we were together you would hurt me, put me down, made me feel like i was nothing but a chore to you. But i stayed. You know there were days where i shouldve left. But i stayed. You made me feel so fucking worthless and unsafe. And even though i want you back, i know that ill just be scared, because now i know that no matter what im still not safe.
P.s. I still have feelings for D and id trade him for you in a heartbeat.
-N

You're a twat monkey

>>16890214
no, sorry, A

>>16893219
Yay that's my middle name too.

Well, i know what I'm doing tomorrow. Having a nice chat with my uncle who works at the DEA.

I am so lonely. I'm completely out of energy and have zero motivation. It was a chore just now to start up iTunes and play a song - I'm that unmotivated. I can't seem to make friends. Everyone thinks I'm either weird or annoying, depends on the person. At best I'm a "nice guy." I'm clinically depressed and also have GAD. I've been in therapy and psychiatry for like 6 months now. I've made some strides thanks to that, but it feels like I always return to this pit of despair. Dicks.

You seriously fucked me up. I was 16, you were 18, and you got me so fucked up. The things we did have made started a new relationship so fucking hard. I forgot how to do the cute things while dating, I just remember where you told me to touch, and feel. Why couldn't you tell me you loved me after what I did for you. why did you allow me to get so fucked up. Why did you let me leave so easily?

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I am such a fucking loner, I moved to a new town 9 months ago and I am a loner. I have zero friends, zero love life, zero anything. I am in college and most of the time I am sitting by myself or doing homework.

This sounds selfish but I want some love. I am tied of being a background character some meek person who says nothing. I am tired of being the last resort. I just want to make some girl happy and have some sex. I used to be fairly popular back when I lived in my hometown but out here I am a loser who sits by himself and gets good grades. I just want a connection with somebody, a one nightstand, a kiss. I want to have something

Man, all she had to do was make two fucking phone calls to get my car towed to the shop and she didn't. She didn't even bother calling me back or responding to my text. I get it, she's busy, but I'm really fucking busy lately and this not having a car thing is really getting on my nerves. And all she had to do, if she was gonna break her word, was give me the damn phone numbers.

Some fucking mothers, I swear.

I just wanna scream out loud at how fucking cute you are. Sempai noticed you, man. Sempai noticed you.

Why are you always criticising me? You keep listing all these things I do wrong and it just adds to the amount of things that make me feel shit about myself. It just reinforces my belief that you should have nothing to do with me. Clearly I'm just a shitty person and you're a fucking saint, why bring yourself down to my level?

Leave me alone and go be the amazing beautiful person you are somewhere else.

I just realized....He doesn't have feelings for me. He just wants my father's influence to get the job he wants at the place he wants. Fuck. He has such a hard on for successful people in this field, and my dad literally has his dream job at his ideal employer. Why the fuck didn't I realize it sooner? I'm not special. He basically played me. I settled and got played by a short, beak-nosed motherfucker who's on the autism spectrum. What the fuck came over me?! I need higher standards. I don't care if he's a genius. He's a shitty person.

>>16887269
I'm not ovulating but I've just been so fucking horny lately, probably because my ex and I broke up so I'm not having super regular sex anymore.

Everything you said is true though, and I swear to god over half the people on this site know nothing about women's sexual health, or just women in general.

On a better note, I did have some of the best sex of my life last night lmao.

I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

You chose my siblings over me, that's why I don't trust you, just wait, even if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to prove I'm just as good as them, even better. Just wait.

To Noor,

You're an absolute complete fucking bitch. I fucking hate you. I cannot imagine why I fucking bothered with talking to you whatsoever when it was so obvious from the start that I was just some vent buddy and not an actual close friend like you made me out to be. I honestly hope you go back to your psych ward and die a lonely death there. You've fucked me over and used me so hard, and you've also used and fucked over so many other people I know. You complain about people talking shit about you but it's so obvious to see why; you're absolutely retarded and a miserable human being who feasts on attention. Attention. That's all you fucking look for. You make yourself seem like what you are not and you live false lives. I also know you fucked a ton of guys and are just lying about saying you're "hung up over one guy". I was the ultimate idiot, and you are the ultimate fucking bitch. You haven't texted me in awhile but I'm so glad you haven't and I hope this is the end of our "friendship" if you could even call it that. Go die.

My best friend has recently gotten involved in being part of an open relationship. The girl he's sleeping with pretty much had tried to talk both him and her boyfriend into being okay with it over the course of a few months. The boyfriend obviously took awhile, saying that they can only do things they can do in public until fucking eventually got onto the table. So now my friend lost his virginity to this girl.

Being he's in his late twenties, he's super fucking annoying about it. He talks like he's so amazing at it, how they're going unprotected because she watches her ovulation cycle and he's open to experimenting when all he's doing is having vanilla with a dirty spoon. He believes with hard work, he might be able to steal away this girl from her boyfriend and make her his girlfriend.

For me, though, I'm actually very annoyed with him on this. He always digs himself deep into a hole and refuses to come out when anything goes south, no matter how minor. He has done some really shitty things in the past that I have overlooked, but this is beyond anything I can really cope with. I tell him that this isn't going to end well, he'll only end up getting hurt if he keeps going this way and he can do so much better. He just won't listen to me, like usual. It's been causing me so much stress that I've been messing up at my new job. I with I could just stop thinking about it, but after my best friend of 15 years says stuff like that, it almost seems like the world has grown darker. The one person I thought I could trust is saying things that are making me doubt his judgement and my trust in him. He's starting to change into this whole other person and I'm not even sure how I can handle it.

>>16893235
Call me.

-B

I'm gonna be so pissed if a Republican gets elected in 2016 and takes away my student loans.

at the rate of which i am always ignored, i wonder if it's just easier to an-hero only to watch from the other-side as they pretend to suddenly love me.

i want to be dead

I'm starting to accept that I have sociopathic tendencies. It's always been something that I tried to ignore but I'm done doing that.

It's past 1 AM where I live now. My family decided to move over 1,200 miles away from home and I decided to tag along against my better judgement. I just felt so cut-out and so driven out by the time I left I felt I had no choice but to leave. The girl I loved broke my heart. My friends had less and less time to hang out. I had just graduated college, a harrowing period in my that was plagued by deaths of family, friends, illness, betrayal, and suffering. I miss my friends and I wish I could just tell them why I thought I should have left. I can see now that this was a mistake, but one cannot simply undo something like this. Monetarily it's no small feat, and then there's the time invested.

I'm friendless. I quite literally have no friends. I have co-workers and neighbors, but no one with whom to hang. What kills me is how pointless life feels right now. I feel lost and without a purpose. I don't have a support structure. The things that one takes for granted really boggles the mind. I know I will never take anything for granted again.

I could go back to therapy again, but I feel like it's bullshit and I'm spinning my wheels. I feel light years away from normal. Be happy with what you have. Thanks for listening. I wish I could say 'it gets better', but I think that's a crock of shit.

Just keep bothering yourself with stupid unimportant shit that I've said a hundred times they don't mean shit to me. That girl I've seen maybe five times in my life, never talked to and don't even know her name is worth ruining something that can be so great for us.

You've been trying to sabotage our relationship and make me the bad guy because you are too scared to just end it yourself.

I hate myself that I still love you.

>>16894035

>He believes with hard work, he might be able to steal away this girl from her boyfriend and make her his girlfriend.

He's a piece of shit. If he refuses to make changes to improve, then you need to distance yourself.

>>16893117

It seems like the sessions really helped you. It's nice that you sound so happy.

Andrew,

Telling others that your ex wanted too much sex is not going to help you get a girlfriend, especially when you say it to women.

Good job on your monitor though.

I'm so fucking stupid to let myself be drawn into someone who doesn't give a royal fuck about my feelings anymore; I wish I never... EVER gave you a chance.

>>16885302
Im a man, i like women. I want children. I want to penetrate pussy

I've come to the realization that life will always suck. Sometimes it just sucks less than at other times. I think there's some peace that can be attained through that realization

I missed my shot at success. Maybe I was never really good enough in the first place. But it would have been better to at least take the shot and fail than live with regret

People that yell at customer service reps are a bunch of fucking idiots. Working at a call center has made me hate the general public more than I thought possible.

I need time. so much time, i need all the time there is. But time is finite and I'm always chasing it, I fucking hate it. I dont know what to do, how to do things, why my body ages and changes, I want it to all have paused a few weeks ago so the two of us could have lived in that perfect moment. We're drifting away on a giant rock floating through nothingness, we're figments of our own damn dreams.

I wish I could help out other anons on this board, but I keep getting connection errors and giving up.

Feels bad, man.

>>16894395
Initials?

I'm scared of being alone.

But I'm also scared of being with someone.

It'll bring me pain anyway. Why is everything like this?

>>16894496
Of what friend and why

Being a short man is the greatest curse.

No one literally respects you as a human being. No one. I am treated like a fucking dog. I am forever robbed of basic human rights.

>>16894619
The only "rights" you deserve are the ones you're willing to take for yourself.

Go to the gym and get big. Demand respect simply from your physical presence.

Fear and respect are two sides of the same coin.

>>16894651
People will believe I'm overcompensating, though.

Unless I have an incredibly high status and reputaton, I guess.

>>16894619
I'm 5'5 (AND with a soft/nerdy/possibly feminine voice) and I haven't felt disrespected for it since middle school, bruh.

Maybe you're just not a particularly impressive person? I usually get positive vibes from others, and respect.

>>16894655
My crush is 5'3. I don't care if he is overcompensating, because it just work. Those arms... just thinking about it, I feel a little breathless.

Started weightlifting in November to help with my depression.

My shoulder has been popping and cracking for 3 months, and now the very top of it hurts when I touch it.

I'm actually very distraut and I don't know what to do. Weightlifting has given me something to do while I languish at home (for reasons I won't go into).

Honestly, it's just another example of me failing to do something. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just meant to be miserable because of my way of thinking, life circumstances, and the horrible way I've treated others.

I'm kind of reluctant to get help, because that leaves the possibility of not being able to lift anymore. Feeling helpless and powerless is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Well, it seems I'm getting a phone a some point today. Internet has improved severely since I last complained too, so that's a nice bonus. Today I'll start chemo. I'll contact you either tonight or tomorrow, depending on how awful it really is :(

>>16894726
Did you seriously continue to lift despite being in pain?

>>16894437
you're a vile excuse for a human being.

I didn't make this thread.

>>16894726
Go to a goddamn doctor and find out whats wrong with your shoulder you retard.

Not lifting for a few months while doing physical rehab is a small price to pay to be able to keep lifting for the rest of your life.

You asked why I listened to depressing music.

It was because I knew you would leave.

I hate my stupid lisp/accent/slur whatever it is

I hate having to pronounce 'four' as 'fur' and 'love' as 'luf'

>>16895070
I don't know man/girl, I find little vocal things like that to be somewhat attractive. Plenty of other people might feel the same way.

Call me a religious faggot but this is something I want to say.

God has answered so many prayers and come through for me so many times that it's disgusting to think that I still doubt him. I fear so many things, but if I were to just "be still, and know that [he is] God" then my problems would instantly disappear. Would that it were so easy, though.

Last night, I prayed for some emotional healing that I needed to have, and for 30 minutes, it didn't seem like he was going to come through for me. That's okay, I thought, maybe it wasn't part of his plan. So I watched Netflix and cried a few tears. Then, out of the blue, I got a call from a trusted, dearly beloved friend of mine wanting to get a drink. We ended up talking for four hours about life, women, the future, and all that.

If I could tell anyone anything about what it means to be a follower of Jesus, it's this: he's got your back. Whether you think he's absent or he's uncaring, he's always working shit together for the good of those who love him. And he loves you so, so much.

That's it. I mean, I wasn't expecting to share that but it needed to be said.

Bless you all in your struggles.

I had a dream where I tried eating some food and didn't like how it tasted. I wanted to puke.

I explicitly remember wanting to puke. But I can't tell if I somehow woke up and felt this then went back to sleep, or if it was just in the dream entirely but the wretchedness of whatever I ate somehow made me reel in real life. Dreams are weird.

Okay so I've always been dreadfully fat and/or ugly.. I met someone overseas and moved out to marry him while leaving a good 12 grand in debt behind. Wasn't going to suffer in loneliness and hardship anymore. But it turns out he's not good for me at all, but because I was so desperate I had a child with him.

I'm unhappy every day and contemplate suicide often. If I go back home now, I'll be raked over the coals for the amount of debt I have.

But honestly, to fix my situation, it's the only option I have right? My child's only 2, she'll get over it, right?

I've never felt this low in my life. I want to die every second of every day and nothing makes me feel better.

I thought she cared about me.

I loved her.

>>16894466
Pause adblock bro.

Today has been fucking weak.
Someone Special better pay me some attention tomorrow. Our at least acknowledge that I exist. I'd settle for that. God, I'm a desperate lonely sad sack.

I'll never stop loving him, wherever I have to be. I hope he's with me everywhere, forever. I never want to be away from him

You know those glorious moments that come every once in a while? The ones that make you laugh and dance and sing praises to the sky like pagans of old? Today, in the midst of the monotony that comes with unemployment, I'm having one.

Sunday afternoon I had a poutine. Melted cheese curds, savoury gravy and crisp fries. Topped with heathen additives like crumbled bacon and sweet pulled pork, I ate it all to myself. For three days I held on to this food of the gods. Three days of gut-swelling homage to the great men of old who created this food. Until the afternoon of the third day did my bowels awaken. Crying out with the need to release, did I go to the God of Porcelain, to complete the ritual.

I have none to speak to of this holy cleanse, save you all, the ones who pine for love long lost. Mayhaps this holy quest will have brought a glimmer to your eye, or a turn to your lip. For love affects us all.

As a wise man once said, "Love is binding, and so is cheese."

>>16896059
In mind and heart if not in person. In person more often would be better though

>>16895983
In mind and heart, if not in person. In person would be better though