>>16884722 I wouldn't mind taking a guy back to my place, but if we had to find some other place (like an hotel) you should explain to me what's going on. I would understand if you explained me the situation.
>>16884781 I know, I understand that it's not what you're looking for. But I would really have an hard time following a stranger to an hotel room if I didn't know him well. It gives that serial killer vibe.
>>16884794 Doesnt have to be a hotel. Just that a lot of people my age and a little under have room mates so theres no guarantee I can go back to their place. Especially if shes still in college. A car feels a little too hasty but at this point if shes okay with it so am I.
>>16884802 Do they not want to ask you out? Why havent they asked you out? Instead of asking them out, its best you tell them that if they have feelings for you, they need to confess so that you can think about where to go from there.
>>16884801 >How do I tell a girl that I dont like her always being an hour or more late to our dates? By doing so. Being straightforward is the fastest route to solve the issue. All the other bullshit is gonna take too long and have a higher risk of being misinterpreted.
Ladies, I have a question... I posted a thread about this but I still wonder if what I am doing is OK. Me and a frumpy fat friend started messing around, she sucks me off, uses her hands and feet, her tits to get me off. We've been this way for a couple months, since then she's started dressing better, doing her make up, her hair, and has been very open with me about sex, pointing out women she wants to watch me fuck. I wonder... Am I hurting her? Why is she obsessed with pleasing me so much? Does she like me more than a friend? Should I escalate things and fuck her?
Tell her! I'm terrible and I'm always late, he gets pissed off and thinks it's because I have better things to do, but it's honestly because I'm nervous and anxious, so I spend a TON of time getting ready. Like 2 hours in the shower, 1 1/2 curling my hair, 1 hour putting on my make up, at least one having a few glasses of wines and complementing killing myself because of how nervous I am, topkek. Tell her it's a waste of time and she'll pull it together.
I just give him "sorry for being late"-blowjobs though
I'm kind of autistic and really into guns, but I'm scared I'll come off as a creeper/murderer stereotype if I reveal these things. At the same time though I don't want to hide something I'm passionate about. What do?
>>16884832 They asked me out a few times but i have always been busy and uninterested, i realized this person is actually great and nice, a little bit simple and dumb but all around a warm, nice person.
>>16884887 Same way you introduce all people to any passion. You gauge their response to what you are saying as you get more and more into it. If they dont really care you tell a condense version of it.
>>16884892 Just go on a date. Dont string them along though. Tell them they are a great person but you dont feel that way. But you are willing to go on a date because maybe actually being in that environment you might. I dont understand why people are so hesitant about going on a single date. If you actively dont like the person than dont do it. But if you are neutral I dont see why not.
Guys, girls are welcome too: Is this a good or bad idea?
>Live in a country Europe where dating culture is odd, people mostly sleep together rather quickly, then hook up for a few months, then decide if they should start dating >Have this sort of a relationship with a guy, am head over heels, not sure if my feelings are reciprocated as his signals are very mixed >It seems like his main interest is/was getting laid, but as we've gotten closer, he invited me out on a date, wants me to stay over for breakfast and cuddle for hours, invites me to dinner instead of late night booty calls >Am in love with him but unsure if I want a relationship, there's a big age difference and I have no idea how he feels about me, we're also very different people >I'm quite busy and have a large social circle, I always have plans, he seems pissed that I don't make enough time for him, he's a bit of a NEET and has no friends >Truth is that I'm very much into him and afraid hanging out more would make him tired of me and realize how awkward and geeky I am (not sexy) >He makes me nervous and gives me butterflies and it takes me days to work out the nerve to meet up with him >Have a big party to go to this weekend, I don't really have time to meet up >Thought of asking if he'd had a few hours to spare before the party, I'd dress up very nicely and give him a blow job and have sex for a few hours before the party, then leave >Would invite him, but not his scene, everyone will be 10 years younger and raving, he's a quiet introvert
If a guy I was into invited himself over, went down and me and we fucked for a few hours, then left, I might feel a bit used or weird about it. Especially as our relationship is complicated, I have no idea if he's into me or not. I think it might be pretty hot and I miss him, though. Is this an okay thing to do?
>>16884914 You in Scandanavia? I've heard that's how it works over there? Although this isn't odd to me, since I'm in the US. People from Scandinavia seem to claim that this is "odd" or "unique". Is this how it has been done for a long time, or just recently?
To girls Im going on a classic coffee-in-a-nice-enviroment-setting date. I know the girl already a little bit, we talked and chatted and did some stuff together in friends-group. She seems interested in me, but not heads over heels in love. How can i change that or at least move forward in that direction?
>>16884923 Swefag that can't sleep here: from movies and shit we get impression that in US/UK it's all dates and like. Restaurant and a movie type stuff, asking girl out and to be your girlfriend. Here it's basically: you get drunk at some party and fuck a stranger, the next morning you don't regret it. Sometimes it's a friend not a stranger, but the same principle.
>>16884914 >I'm quite busy and have a large social circle, I always have plans, he seems pissed that I don't make enough time for him, he's a bit of a NEET and has no friends >Have a big party to go to this weekend, I don't really have time to meet up For someone who claims to be super into this dude you sure as fuck don't give an impression of being into this dude at all, certainly not to him you can't be.
If you want to get into a relationship with this guy, firstly ask him, secondly don't do fucking weird shit like not spend much time with him and going to parties??? instead of seeing him in the weekends, why are you even GOING to parties if this guy's your preferred boyfriend option?
Your behavior's total incoherent contradictory bullshit, it doesn't make any sense. Pick something and stick to it.
>>16884942 Be kind, be interesting, be confident and charming. Keep conversation going, make her laugh. There's not really a recipe to make people fall in love with you, but in general those things are attractive.
I'm interested in knowing what is considered excessive, "clingy" or overall not appropriate texting when it comes to the opposite sex.
Personally, I like to maintain a 1:1 ratio. I obviously catch hints, if I don't get a response, I'm not one to push. I avoid texting pointless things. If she says "I'm with friends.", I instantly go like, "My bad, have fun." Among other things that I know make me a subpar, not completely neurotic texter.
However, sometimes I feel like I'm complementing too much. I understand girls want a challenge but if I'm 100% sure she's into me, sometimes I'll throw a "Hey beautiful." or "Yeah, I missed you all day." This isn't a back to back to back thing, the conversation doesn't revolve around this, but I honestly don't know how to measure if the complement is warranted. Advice?
I know, I'd prefer someone less neurotic (or borderline wreck) than I, but I don't know how to calm my nerves. I'm a fucking aspie. I've been a club promotor and event girls (which is a gig for rather attractive girls, not necessarily fashion models, but >8/10) and I get approached frequently by men where I don't give a shit, but if I'm into someone, my hands shake when I think about them and I act like I was born with an extra copy of chromosome 21. Knees weak, mom's spaghetti, the whole shebang. So guys always think that I'm a cool, laid back girl when I'm not into them, but a fucking retard when I am, which increases my anxiety and suicidal wine-time. Please end my misery.
>>16884977 It is basically all about not taking hints. If my replies are mainly "haha" "lol" "cute" "oh, cool" "that's fun", if I don't ask you questions, if I never initiate conversation, etc but you don't get it, yeah, you're clingy. If I never initiate conversation and I am always the one ending it, you're clingy. If I never compliment or if I am never cute with you, you're inappropriate.
Yes I am! As >>16884948 says, through movies and media (and in my experience, speaking with foreigners about it), we definitely get the impression that dating culture is VERY different in the UK/US. Rather formal, waiting a specific amount of dates to sleep together, asking a cute girl out on a date that you saw in Starbucks, y'know? Here, most relationships start with either being friends for a while, then fucking when drunk, or having a one night stand. You might not regret it and want to repeat it. After 5-6 months, you might ask your sex buddy out for a cup of coffee (I've been EXTREMELY anxious asking a guy out to see a movie after sleeping together for 6 months. This guy had his dick in my pooper >20 times, and I somehow think coffee is more intimate lmao. It's a weird culture)
She is either a good actor or she really is obsessed with me, because she is always calling me and talking about how much she misses me. Found out she is a hooker though and dont know how I should feel
Guys/girls what's your honest opinion of straight feminine guys. Would you date one? Do you stereotype them as being gay and ignore? Do any guys here have feminine guy friends and can explain how the relationship is any different to a "normal guy"
I really appreciate your reply and I completely agree with what you're saying! I think he too gets the impression that I'm not really into him (despite having intense feelings I've never experienced before) because I'm acting like this, which is shitty behaviour. I do disagree with one thing though, I don't party because I want to get with other guys, but to hang out with my friends and spend time with my buddies, whom I don't see a lot apart from the weekends. And it's way too early to ask about getting into a relationship, so that's not an option.
As stated, the reason why I don't come over often is that I don't want to seem to desperate and it takes me a lot of time to work up the nerve to see him, he makes me stupidly nervous. But I definitely agree that he must have gotten the impression that I'm not really into him.
>>16885033 I do appreciate them, but I prefer rare but more "felt" compliments.
If you text me "Hey beautiful" every morning I end up not even noticing it. If you tell me "I was looking at you earlier today, I think you're gorgeous" once in a while, I do appreciate it much, much more.
>>16885012 I strongly doubt this situation would ever happen.
>>16885026 >Rather formal, waiting a specific amount of dates to sleep together It's not that formal. But I'd rather work with that sort of stereotypical situation than hoping casual sex turns into something significant. At least in the former situation you know what each person is after.
Man, I gotta wash my hair and condition it for 15-20 minutes, the whole process takes at least 30 minutes, it goes down to my butt. Shaving my legs, pits and intimate parts take a while too, and I gotta put on some good smelling lotion, exfoliate my whole body etc. Takes at least an hour. Only the remaining half hour is shivering despair.
>>16885062 Assuming this isnt just bait, I can't imagine many men being ok with that sort of position unless they're in an open relationship. Virginity till marriage is over rated and showing your sexuality off towards other men is a major turn off to say the least.
Well, I see the ups and downs of both situations, I've been asked out by Americans before and it seemed very formal to me. Like I find it romantic if a guy invites me over for beer, gore movies and cunnilingus, best second date I've ever had. And I don't think people below their thirtie are necessarily looking for something significant. Either it's shit sex and chemistry, which means you won't meet again. Or it's great and could turn into a FWB-relationship, which is a fantastic option for most young people - good friends who can chill and have fun while also being sexually satisfied, nice! And if you're lucky, you fall in love, and that's dope, but it's not something we're SEEKING OUT, it's something that just happens when you get to know each other very well.
But in my situation, the ambiguity is killing me a bit too, haha. The fuckbuddy-relation can cause quite a bit of chaos when one part falls in love.
>>16885062 >>16885074 Pretty much this. Saving virginity until marriage is already a big problem, but that girl also blatantly showing herself sexually to others makes things much worse. It's a huge combination of two of the biggest red flags there are.
Either on or the other MIGHT be acceptable, but under no circumstances both.
When people enjoy it and protect themselves, why do you care? It's not like anyone is forced to do so, I have friends of both sexes who are virgins by choice despite being over the age of 20. No religious reason, just not into casual sex either, which is cool. Like it's cool that many people are comfortable with it. What's your problem?
>>16885097 >And I don't think people below their thirtie are necessarily looking for something significant You may not, but that's objectively wrong when we're speaking about entire populations. My closest friends and I are all under 25 yet none of us are keen on casual sex unless someone has been building up an elaborate lie. Sex without emotional attachment is barely any better than masturbation to me.
>But in my situation, the ambiguity is killing me a bit too, haha. The fuckbuddy-relation can cause quite a bit of chaos when one part falls in love. No shit. That's one of the main reasons we do things differently.
>>16885111 >Dumping a girl over taking care of her skin and keeping it fresh in a cold climate is a bit shallow, no? If you're taking two hours to shower like that girl claimed and making people late, it really isnt.
I've been in love with an woman at work for over a year. We don't work together, just in the same building. She has a fiance and I'm in a long-term relationship. I don't think it would work between us anyway, but I can't stop thinking about her.
It makes me miserable all the time. Every weekend, every evening, I can't focus on basic tasks. It's destroying my personal happiness. I try to avoid her to extinguish these feelings, and then she shows up in the elevator with me. I try to mind my own business, and she stops by to say hello. Then I surrender to my feelings and decide to initiate contact with her. I go out of my way to see her, and I either barely miss her by a few seconds (and feel miserable) or she's too busy and I'm imposing on her. It's very frustrating and I can't handle the ups and downs anymore.
I want to end this once and for all, and since I've tried everything else, I think the best thing I can do is tell her how I've felt all this time and hope for a rejection. Then it is over.
My question is this... women, if a guy was polite and professional for over a year and obviously wasn't trying to trick you into a relationship, but they eventually admitted they were feeling this way and needed to get it off their chest, how would you react?
>>16885051 >I don't party because I want to get with other guys, but to hang out with my friends and spend time with my buddies, whom I don't see a lot apart from the weekends.
Okay see, here's where you're going wrong. Nobody but you gives a shit what your motivation is. What matters is what the motivation LOOKS LIKE. If you pick partying over spending time with this dude, that's a clear and definite message. Okay? Imagine you're responsible for sending a radio signal to a foreign country or a distant planet or something, and you just send FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU over and over: when they show up with an angry army, does it matter that you did it because you wanted Koreans/sexy aliens to fuck the shit out of you? No. What matters is that you sent a retarded message and now you're doomed.
>As stated, the reason why I don't come over often is that I don't want to seem to desperate and it takes me a lot of time to work up the nerve to see him, he makes me stupidly nervous. But I definitely agree that he must have gotten the impression that I'm not really into him. Well, you sure as fuck belong on 4chan. This is robot level backwards logic. Take the risk! Dare to look desperate! I mean, what's the worst that can happen? He'll think you're too into him and you'll blow your shot with him because he hates being liked? I mean set down in writing, does this even look like a reasonable risk compared to "Constantly blowing him off might make him possibly suspect I don't give a shit and I'll blow it with him"?
YOU'RE BLOWING IT *NOW*! Jesus H. backflipping Christ in a paddleboat.
>>16885136 >A college educated couple with middle class income has extremely low divorce rates. Prove it while I find the study showing 89% of all virgin marriages work yet only 30% of people who've had more than 20 partners make a marriage work.
That's IGNORING all social and educational issues, raw figures.
I was speaking on behalf of my own country and culture. I do not know any people in their twenties looking to settle down or actively seeking a partner, and it's not very common to look for a relationship unless you're getting desperate for kids. Love is something that finds you and happens naturally to most young people her, so dating is considered a bit awkward and contrived. So it's fine that you have your own anecdotal evidence and I have mine, but we're from different places and I speak of my country. I'd say 90% of people ages 15-25 have casual sex.
There are many upsides too, and I've had plenty of good experiences, so I wouldn't have it any other day.
>If you're taking two hours to shower like that girl claimed and making people late, it really isnt.
Taking two hours to shower when you have thick hair down to your butt, a whole body to shave, moisturise and exfoliate - yeah, that's pretty normal, m8, especially taking a bit longer when getting ready for a date. Making people wait for you is a dick move though, you just gotta time it and get in the shower earlier.
I live in Northern Europe, which I'd consider quite advanced. I think you should explain your thoughts. If it doesn't hurt you or others and people enjoy themselves, what's the harm? You just sound bitter about not getting laid yourself.
It's not really mindless breeding, sexual education is fantastic here, so we're protected when having casual sex ;)
>>16885111 >I'm a Nordic girl who lives in a cold as fuck climate, it's not vanity: Every chick I know exfoliates and moisturises their whole body when showering, many guys do it too, to keep it fresh and nice. Sleepless Swefag here, just wants to say: I know exactly what happens when you dont do this. I 1, never heard of a guy do this, 2, don't have zombie skin or nothing like that so clearly its can't be that important.
Wow man, thanks for your input, I know what you mean (and that I'm an aspie that belongs here, I clarified that earlier, I'm awkward and terrible with guys) and I appreciate it. I agree, I just gotta get my shit together.
I'm going to the party because I've promised my friends, butwould it be okay to text him and say I'd like to meet up for a few hours, then clarify that I'd like to spend more time with him from now on and that I'm sorry I've been busy when I see him?
>>16885164 I'm not going to bother googling the equivalent of water is wet. This is widely known information and if you're ignorant about it that says more about you than anything.
>>16885170 >Love is something that finds you and happens naturally to most young people her, so dating is considered a bit awkward and contrived. Sure, but by your own admission you're giving him the vibe that you're not interested. At some point you should try to cut past the ambiguity and put things into concrete terms.
>Making people wait for you is a dick move though, you just gotta time it and get in the shower earlier. Which was my core point. If you want to spend excessive time on exfoliating whatever, but forcing me to be consistently late is pretty much a deal breaker.
Women what are some good ways to break the touch barrier with you. Ive realized, if you dont break this barrier like the first or second time meeting the girl you are in the friend zone. I normally go for tickling for intimacy. Or Ill hold my hand out when I see her and twirl her around for no reason possibly into a hug. Some women find it a little weird but see it as playful enough to let go and it lets me flirt a lot more later down the line than if I hadnt.
What methods of breaking the touch barrier are woman approved.
Again, I'm speaking on behalf of my country in Northern Europe. The average age of losing your virginity is 16, casual sex is extremely normalize and most of my teenage friends get condoms from their parents when going to a party. How can you say it's totally wrong unless you've lived here? I haven't spoken
I'm not immature for my age because I have different goals in life than you do, where my main ambition is my career and enjoying myself in my twenties. I'm not sure I want to settle down, at least not before my thirties, which is the average age for having kids is here too. How is focusing on your career and enjoying yourself immature? I'm going to travel the world, enjoy myself and get me a great degree, boo hoo I'm not looking for a husband!
What do you mean by beta guy? What's a beta exactly? Also not looking for anyone to take care of me, I come from a relatively privileged background and I even earn my own money! It's 2016 lmao. I also don't consider having fun wasting my life.
>>16885204 >I'm going to the party because I've promised my friends, butwould it be okay to text him and say I'd like to meet up for a few hours, then clarify that I'd like to spend more time with him from now on and that I'm sorry I've been busy when I see him? This sounds like a reasonable plan, yes, given that you'd like to spend more time with him from now on.
Why can't you explain what's wrong with it? People enjoy themselves and no one is forced to do anything they're not into. Who is the casual sex hurting? If someone finds themselves in an uncomfortable situation and they're not into it, they stop the relation. For the people who enjoy it, it's fantastic.
So instead of the personal attacks, do you have any reasons why you're against it? It's not that I necessarily believe you're just bitter, but you don't seem to have a reason to be against it.
>>16885258 Let me break it to you. You are like a child who was never told not to indulge in sweets. You engage in carnal pleasures in enormous amounts and you think this doesnt have any effect on you mentally. You chose pleasure when given the chance. You dont have the spine to do what needs to be done. To sacrifice pleasure for greatness. Philosophically speaking you would be the epicureans. You are sickening. You seem educated so let me help you out. Read on epicureans vs stoics.
so weird problem. Been going out with this girl for a few months now. we had this week long pause. (she had to do this retreat thing at work) and now that we're talking again I'm having trouble holding a conversation with her. I dont know what to do
>>16885450 Yes, its more like controlled hedonism but its better to call them beasts
"In Dante's Divine Comedy, the flaming tombs of the Epicureans are located within the sixth circle of hell (Inferno, Canto X). They are the first heretics seen and appear to represent the ultimate, if not quintessential, heresy"
>>16885614 I know it goes against everything I know, but holy shit I just love this woman. Our personalities just blend so perfectly, we're opposites in a lot of aspects of life but yet we come together to just....I don't know. That corny shit that people always say about love actually makes sense when I think about her anon. I think this is actually love.
Is it worth confiding in my sisters for girl advice? They're all smart and pretty but I don't want them to think differently of me. I'm so autistic they'd be explaining the very basics, I've asked for advice here before but no one answers me which is a testament to just how autistic I am...
tl;dr girls would you give girl advice to your brother without judging or shaming him?
>>16885660 If you've been messaging her first, she'll probably want you to do it again. She already likes talking to you it seems, some girls just like when guys text them first but it doesn't mean anything. You can wait for her to text you but I don't think it means anything.
>>16885718 I give him honest advice if he asks for it. I generally don't want to intrude because it has gotten messy. Like, I'll give him advice, he tells his gf I gave him that advice if they argue, then they start shit with me. My brother dates a bunch of psychos though, so I get a little protective and straight up tell him the girl is being manipulative or tell him red flags. He usually doesn't listen and eventually tells me I was right after the break up though.
Would it be considered weird to re-initiate conversation with this girl? I'm in highschool and I initiated conversation this girl below my grade that I really like. We talked for a little bit and after some time she asked "sooo.. what class are you going to? " "I couldn't tell her because some kids were in the way so I just told her i'm going the other way. I asked if she'd like to do something sometime while I point my thumb kinda back, kinda smiling but trying not to maintain level of creepiness. She said she has a boyfriend and I said ah okay bummer! And that was that.
I haven't spoke for a month with her after that. We met eye contact one time after but that was really it. People say i'm fairly good looking and they all congratulated me for trying. I told my friend who kinda knows her that she told me she has a boyfriend and she was like 'aww im sorry'.
That was my fist time trying to win over a girl, I have 3 months left here at highschool and I never see her again.
Imagine you have a crush on someone you have to see every day, like someone in your classes or work. Have you ever tried to freeze them out, and has it worked for you? Like if you see them, you try not to talk to them, or just talk to them for as little as possible?
One of my friends tried doing this to some girl he had a crush on (she didn't know how he felt, and she had a boyfriend) and she realized something was up when he did that and it made things even more awkward to the point where she confronted him about it and it all came out. For me, I'm wondering if I can maybe do it better than him, play being disinterested in her, and if that will help me get over how I feel.
I know this might sound crazy but I'm at a loss here as to how to get over this girl. She's really nice tome but I know she has no interest in me (her friend told me she has a thing for a guy that already graduated from our college last year) so I'm trying to figure out how to get over her. When she's nice to me, I almost feel like she's leading me on even though I know she probably doesn't see it that way. What do I do, /adv/?
How in the hell can I properly kiss a girl my height, every chick I've dated has been 4-5 inches shorter now I have a date with someone my height and I am beyond baffled how to kiss her 'in a masculine' way.
My technique for the last dozen or so women in my life was always to, gently, tilt there head up and just kind of dictate the first kiss. How can I dictate to someone who of similar stature, it seems so weird and off putting.
I worked with an ex of 3 years, she left for a new town 2 years after our breakup. I broke it off once I discovered she was cheating on me and totally cut her out of my life.
When it came to work I treated her like any other colleague, I was always polite and well mannered. There were more than a few times she tried to discuss our relationship and would give me obvious faces and I would just remind her that this is a professional environment and person matters shouldn't be discussed in this time.
It's all about your mindset, right now you have no control over yourself or your desire. How old are you? I'm going to guess under 21 because of how fixated you are, under that age males are literally made to breed. As you get older you get a better grasp on your desire.
One day you'll see it isn't that hard.
Ask yourself why you truly desire her, right it all down then with a cynical eye diminish those qualities by comparing her to other girls and having confidence in yourself and your decisions.
>>16885869 Does rejection really help to get over it? I've never tried that before because it sounds so awful, but if it truly does help destroy a crush then I might have to do it this time. I can't handle this.
>>16885929 Yeah I'm a dumb 20 year old. I'll try writing things down, thanks, that sounds helpful.
>>16885935 is "this thread was only made to cater to attention seeking whores who come here with an air of superiority and a sense of belonging to try and help those which they deem lessor" really that hard of a concept to understand?
Positive: I'm good at reading how people feel, so can help them when they're upset. That's a positive trait, but one that I'm proud of is that I can make people laugh. I like being able to make people happy, even if it's on a shallow level.
Negative: I'm lazy and insecure, or maybe I'm lazy because I'm insecure. When I feel like I can't do something at least 99% right, I don't want to even try at all for fear of failure, which obviously results in failure itself. It really fucks me up but I don't know how to get over it. I'm working on it though. But I hate how often I disappoint my professors who try to help. I either turn in good work, or I don't turn it in at all. I guess it's an anxiety issue.
>>16885943 Yes, it absolutely does. Because when you realize they do not give a fuck about you, you can stop giving a fuck about them.
I had a crush on a girl and asked her out last year. She gave me a soft rejection and I never heard from her again. I still think she's cute, but I don't care about her because she made it clear she doesn't care about me.
If your friend straight up tells you "I have zero romantic interest in you" I'm sure it will help. It'll sting, but you'll KNOW and be able to move on.
>>16884609 I want to ask other guys this question. Do you guys have to drag interesting conversation out of girls? Even ones that approach you? I've been texting a few girls, and I really have to get creative to get anything imaginative out of a girl. It's like talking to a robot or some shit.
The only girl I've been in a long term relationship with was the same way. I swear her thoughts were that of an automaton, but you just have to put up with the bullshit to get the tenderness.
I really want a girl that can say something profound to me.
I'm tired of having conversations where the nouns can be replaced with x, y, z.
>>16885997 Why are you talking to me about mental health in ignorance?
If you don't understand it don't discuss it. I'm more than happy to have an informed discussion about the mental affects of social and emotional rejection in humans predominantly males (my field of study) but you just want to throw meme tier logic based on a manifesto that was only written to give him more attention, right?
Having talked to a lot of women, that's how most girls see guys as well, except about replace whatever basic shit you think girls talk about with cars, sports, and sex.
And honestly, everyone is basic on some level--or else they're some pretentious hipster douche so obsessed looking different and edgy that they're not worth talking to. Almost everyone has SOMETHING they can talk about with some insight and depth, it's just on you to find it (since you're the one looking for it).
Personally 7/10 of women I meet I usually get an interesting conversation out of (with men it's actually less desu. Like 50/50).
TL;DR: If you feel like you're pulling teeth doing it, it's because you're doing it wrong (taking the wrong approach/asking the wrong questions/doing something that's putting them off/etc). Improve your conversation and communication skills.
>>16886008 >if you don't understand it don't discuss it >my field of study
Where do you think you are? Why do you think your assertion of expertise as an anonymous poster matters even slightly? I don't believe your assertion and you haven't backed it up, so no, I don't think rejection is dangerous. People are rejected every single day. If it drives you to murder that means there is something wrong with you.
>>16884661 people usually say i'm a really chill person to be around, like i'm never boring, not the problem type dude. >>16884712 my laziness i guess I got a good potential at life that I don't even use and the worst is that I know it but I don't do anything to change that
>>16886041 Because when you don't consider EVERY fact you ALWAYS consider you're wrong. That's literally rule 1 of psychology, children.
That anon based it's logic on something which was created for attention. Tell me, did it consider every fact?
Even without my "expertise" anyone who applies basic logic to that response will find fault.
I still have my final assignment which is fully referenced to peer reviewed studies and was on the mental affects of social rejection in men and I used Elliot Rodger as a case study which showed he was a product of his upbringing, blaming his parents and the state. I can put it in a google.doc and link if you want.
>>16886036 You're probably right. I basically have no idea how to communicate really, I kinda just do my best and honestly I just put myself out there.
I have damn niche interests in things, but a great deal of interests so I always figure I can find something to break the ice and get to the core.... right?
wrong. I guess I don't understand the iterative process to work my way down the totem poll of speech. I was kind of a shut in child.
One common thing that I run into, sometimes girls will text me "hey" first. And that's where my brain breaks down. I don't want to do the whole wank of hi, what's up how's it going?
I kinda just jump to whatever I'm thinking about... to be fair they still talk to me, so hopefully that's a sign I'm at least not boring.
Oh, and if I do say hi what's up, the answer is always (without fail) "nm hbu"
My brain just doesn't handle conversation like that... it's so excessively pointless that I almost go nuts trying to figure out what to say at that point. It's like playing against a straight faced texas holdem player. They have a hand to play, but give no indication of what.
>>16884609 I've lost control of myself. After leaving the military the and fiance leaving me while I was on tour, I've been nothing but bitter and lonely. It's been six years. I've deleted my Facebook and all social media because I could care less for it. I cover my depression with a smile and act normal. At night I just lie down and think to myself and it fucking hurts how lonely I am. I tried curing it with multiple hookers and one night stands but nothing beats the feeling of falling asleep and holding someone you love. Sure the sex is great but in the long run, I yearn for human contact.
I love all you even though I may never know you in real life. Find what you're looking for and money can't buy true happiness.
See, now you're talking about a completely different thing.
Texting is not having a conversation.
A conversation is an informal, interactive exchange between two or more individuals. It takes place in real time, and is simultaneously back and forth. You are constantly sending information verbally while getting instantaneous feedback visually/audibly (shrugs/laughs/smiles/"uh-huhs"/"really"s/etc.)
None of that takes place over texting.
Texting by nature is meant to minimize and truncate conversation is much as possible. It is basically antithetical to the nature of a conversation.
I was a shut in kid too. Literally was dreaded going to go to restaurants out with even my family because it meant I'd have to talk to a stranger to order.
I got tired of being cripplingly shy during high school and just bit by bit forced myself to talk to more and more strangers.
Eventually some time during college I got to the point where I just started going to restaurants after work, sitting down and ordering a drink and meal, and chatting with whatever complete strangers were around me.
Making conversation is a skill like any other. It's something you have to train and built up through experience.
>>16884609 Why do women still think that they deserve to be treated equally in absolutely all aspects when they're clearly inferior to men in many ways and already get special treatment (which they don't want to give up)? I don't get it.
I was discovered by someone else that my now ex who cheated on me before had lost respect for me afterwards because i didnt dump her as she lost a little respect for me for staying with someone as disgusting as a cheater?
Someone bring some light into this kind of thinking
>>16886154 >gay best friend zone Holy shit this is amazing. New levels reached. Congrats. Women treat men they dont see as 'men' as little bitches. So yeah, they have no problem saying this type of stuff to you.
>>16886124 True its a different context/question, but still the same problem. Cold air. I'm not really shy desu, I just haven't arrived at the same lingua-franca as everyone else.
I don't know the pattern that most people to have rooted. Doesn't stop me.
Its still the problem of pulling teeth. Trying to extract the essence of their being through extremely diluted phrases.
Sometimes I think its just because I'm a melancholic person and I see the world through heavy, pensive goggles which don't really relate to everyone else's view.
Maybe to them their soul out poor, and I'm unamused in a sick sadistic way.
Or maybe, that deeply rooted, automatic conversational pattern keeps us all truely disconnected even in torrential outbursts of conversation. And I'm just an outsider looking in on what appears to be hollow delusions of connections.
All I'm saying is, I don't know what's at fault. I just want to hear something true. I don't care about the catalog of your favorite movies, not about the picture of your lunch. I wanna hear what you thought about Fargo or how you think the government oughta ban guns cause how could you ignore the parents at newton.
And I don't know how to fix that. I don't know how to channel the real guttural human feeling from people. It all just seems like useless pleasantries to me.
Its weird how talking to other people can make you feel the more isolated.
I'ma guess that both of you are somewhere in your mid 20s, have touched between 0-5 women in your life, most likely extremely underweight or overweight/obese, whom hide behind their keyboards and shitpost 4chan all day long.
You suffer enough as it is, i dont want to make your life any more pathetic than i already know it will be ;/
>>16886264 We'd get along great. I'm a fussy eater who grew up in a household where the rule was 'if you don't like it, make your own dinner', so I learnt to cook pretty quickly. I hate the eating food that's just heated up too, though I will resort to it if I am short on time or am feeling particularly tired or lazy. I'm better at baking though, I think we'd complement each other well.
>>16886264 protip: don't tell someone you can make "pastries" unless you actually can. cookies, brownies, and cakes are not pastries. croissants, danishes, and anything involving multi-layered pastry dough is a pastry. but you did say pies, so being able to make pie crust is halfway there.
Mmm... there's something fundamentally flawed in that approach. You're being kind of self-centric and immature there.
In order to get someone to open up, you need to convince them that you're someone to trust. Right now it sounds like you're trying to skip steps and want to only talk about topics you think are "serious" to you, almost as if anything else any other topic is boring and vapid... and that would kind of make you come off as being uninterested and judgmental, and that isn't the greatest of ways to establish and connection and get people to open up.
Feel each other out first and establish intimacy first THEN jump to the serious. That's how it works.
How do you gauge if it is ok to give a hug etc to a girl? Yesterday, when I was watching movies with this girl I think I have a crush on, who lives in the same apartment complex as I, I sorta wanted to wrap my arm around her and hug her.
Hey, alright, so my best friend invited me to a threesome with her boyfriend, they're both fine with it, and I'm interested, because I'm a bi-curious lesbian, and I wanted to know what it's like to have sex with a guy. I still have my hymen, if that's a problem or not. She also said that we were going to keep it nice and simple for me, as well.
Why did this girl flirt with me, talk to me for 2 weeks and agree to go on a date and then get into a relationship. It was too good to be true, there was too much in common. I'm devastated. The worst part is today she saw me and she said I looked sad and wanted to know why, she keeps talking to me. I never wanted to be just a friend to her.
Women how hot are you. Physically speaking. I cant sleep next to this girl because she radiates fire like an oven. So I get sticky. Shes complained that sleeping next to guys is bad because every guy is sweaty and Ive always told her shes crazy, but its finally clicked. She is a fucking furnace and of course you would get sweaty next to her. How do I gently tell her this. How do other women deal with this
I was a virgin 'til my mid 20's for personal reasons. Nah, I never cared. Helps that I pretty much always was always kind of private in the, "My business is my business and yours is yours. Respect that." kind of way so people just tended to know not to pry for details about anyone else from me or all they'd get is wry responses and a half smirking look.
>>16886507 >Why did this girl flirt with me, talk to me for 2 weeks and agree to go on a date and then get into a relationship.
Because she found someone else more interesting.
A single date isn't a commitment, nor a promise for a relationship. It's just a date. It's 2016. You're the one acting under false assumptions here, not her.
>>16886518 >Women how hot are you. Physically speaking. I cant sleep next to this girl because she radiates fire like an oven. *shrug* Don't think it's gender limited. I'm a dude and I'm the same way; I run hot. Girls tend to like the heat though so I just become like a space heater to them.
Just tell her what you told us basically (minus the sweaty stuff).
>>16886507 Shit anon, are you me from a few months back? In my case though I knew what I was getting into potentially. She introduced me to her "friend" one time, and then after the first date she dropped the b-word. I knew it was a possibility (especially since a mutual friend told me she'd been hanging out with a dude) but it still hurt like fuck.
Anyway, worst case she was playing you, best case you missed the bus.
It's kind of like >Be yourself Be yourself doesn't mean roll up in sweats, covered in cheetoh stains smelling like ass. It means be the best version of yourself that is true to your core personality, and don't be a try hard.
Similarly, be her friend means get to know her like an actual person--like a new bro--but don't be afraid to throw in some flirts. In other words, don't try to be a player and try to hit on her 24/7 or act like a desperate dweeb tying to smother her to death.
Just chill, relax, get to know her as a person,and go with the flow of flirting progression.
Or something like that. I kind of have issues with the wording to begin with desu, but I get where it's kind of trying to go.
I know this is usually answered in the OP FAQ with "Anywhere", but I'll ask anyway. How do you go about meeting girls to date? I've spent the last year fixing my depression, and trying to get my shit together, and now I think I'm finally stable enough for a relationship.
The issue is that I don't really know any girls I'd like to date, so need to meet some new people. Also, I've been a bit of an outsider my whole life, so I still find it pretty hard to connect with people, and sometimes to even make conversation (I've been trying to work on the conversation part at least). Any advice would be appreciated.
So I'm shit at flirting basically, the whole playful banter thing. That's not to say I'm without humor, but it basically consists of dad jokes or something more sardonic. I've been out of the dating scene for 4 years now at 23, do you think this would be a particular issue?
>>16886840 I forgave my boyfriend for kissing a girl he had a crush on when we were 3-4 months into dating. I found out a year after it happened. It broke something in our relationship and I felt less in love and attracted to him for long, but I knew he was honestly sorry for what he did and, with time, we worked it out. I have never been a bitch about it tho, I took some time off to decide if I was able to forgive him, and when I was back with him I pretty much never mentioned it again, not even in fights. I don't know if I'd be able to forgive something more serous than that.
Is it considered creepy to approach a girl on the University campus (30 000+ students) if I don't know her at all. Maybe she's just sitting alone during break and I think she's cute and approach her telling her pretty much exactly that.
I'm not a creeper, decent looking (so I'm told), so if I approach with that as my genuine cause I really don't see (from my PoV) how it could be creepy.
I really have never had any good friends who are girls in my life, ever. Yet alone an actual girlfriend. So I'm guessing just approaching people and saying hi, starting general conversation would probably be a good way of getting there.
I don't see how some people have had multiple girlfriends or have quite a lot of friends that are girls. I mean where do you even meet all of them?
Maybe my problem is not the fact that I can't meet any girls it's that I'm not meeting that many people in general. If my life is just University (Comp Sci, mostly male classes), consuming media (netflix, youtube, web browsing) and going out occasionally I can see why maybe I'm not the most appealing of picks (because no one interacts with me enough to truly get to know me - besides few close mates). But with all of that occupying my time I don't see how I can get new interesting skills/hobbies and use that to meet new people.
TL;DR Girls, how do I meet you? When the girl I'm looking for probably is slightly introverted like me it seems like a fucking big conundrum to me.
Also, if you actually answer the question how do I find a girl who is introverted yet not a COMPLETE potato when it comes to being social.
>>16886869 No. Shes lying to you you fucking cuck. Theres this lie going around that you can break it other ways. Which is true if you go extreme horse back riding or engage in activities at Olympic level.
>>16886876 Hymen varies in size and shape. Some women's hymen never breaks because it is really elastic. Some hymens are shaped in a way that lets the penis get inside. Some hymens are so thin that when they break you feel no pain and you don't bleed.
>>16886880 Virginity is more a social construct than just a physical feature.
>>16886127 >>16886147 Pretty sure it started as something the robots came up with to shame women for their genitals as an equivalent of having a small dick. Pretty genius work if you ask me, since it both shames you for something you have no control over (like dick size) and insinuates that you're a slut at the same time.
>>16886872 I don't like when guys approach me if we're not in a social occasion. At a party or a club, if you come and tell me something like that, it's fine. I would be a bit weirded out, but it wouldn't feel inappropriate. In non-social contexts, it feels creepy. Make up an excuse. Ask me what time is it, or where I bought my coffee, or what's the cafeteria WiFi password and keep going from there.
I met my male friends and the guys I dated at classes, through my hobbies, through common friends/at parties, at work or online.
>>16886877 >she even called me cute Which is not a commitment. >and kept implying sex to me. Which still isn't a commitment, especially when you never made a move. What was she supposed to do? Rip off your clothes and ride you in to oblivion?
Stop crying over one lost fish and get more experience son.
>>16886880 >hymen means you are a virgin for a woman.
Brought to you from the same circle of inexperienced idiots who think "roastie" is an actual thing.
Seriously. Do you guys not know what google is?
>>16886872 >Girls >Is it considered creepy to approach a girl on the University campus (30 000+ students) if I don't know her at all. Maybe she's just sitting alone during break and I think she's cute and approach her telling her pretty much exactly that.
I'm a dude but given the dearth of answers, why not. If you're going to be cold approaching people, you need to have some decent social acumen and charisma. Given that you yourself admit that you don't have much experience, I picture you doing it will be awkward as heck, and therefore come off as creepy and weird.
There's no harm in trying now, but you're going to get a lot of weird looks.
Work on your social skills first. When you're comfortable approaching people in general, THEN you can start to think about approaching random women. Work your way up, become confident in who you are and in your ability to hold a conversation with absolutely anyone. Get rid of that pedestal mentality.
Not saying being a girl is easy but when it comes to shit like this you have to admit it's a lot easier for girls.
Is there any cultures where girls are more inclined to make first move, be less conservative and more inclined to interaction? If so I'm packing my bags because shitty Western Australia isn't quite doing it for me.
Strange how you find it weird if guys approach you at school, work or whatever. Yet at a club/party there's nothing wrong with it. Care to elaborate on your thinking?
>>16886895 yeah because his gf is an olympic athlete. >>16886891 excuses people try to lie to you about when women lie about being a virgin. If her hymen didnt tear from sex with you, it didnt tear from sex with chad.
>>16886926 What my penis doesn't ooze with blood when I have sex for the first time??
On the real though I think virginity fucks up more guys than girls due to it being a social construct. Probably just because I'm a guy and a virgin and I feel like I'm being left out of a very integral part of living.
>>16886917 I do make the first move if I'm really interested in someone, I dated 3 guys and with two of them I made the first move (and before you ask, no, they aren't 10/10 abercrombie models, very normal guys, both were virgins and had no girlfriend before me).
If I am at a club or a party, I'm there for socializing. When I'm at work or school, I'm there for working or studying so I don't really like being hit on. Feels like there's a time or place for everything, and school or work for me aren't. I do appreciate if there's a reason for the socialization (like: we're at school and you ask me about class), but really it feels wrong if you do it for no reason.
>>16886932 >excuses people try to lie to you about when women lie about being a virgin. I am a girl. I was completely virgin, before we had sex he didn't even put a finger inside me, neither did I, and I still didn't bleed at all. It is not common, most girls do bleed, but it's not impossible.
>>16886945 Fair enough, they're all quite valid points.
I think I've sort of grown up pretty independently and without a lot of interaction (probably, definitely too much screen time). And due to that (and a few other reasons) I've just become accustomed to living life solo, wouldn't say selfish but just don't go out of my way to live for other people.
If you got to know me more in depth I'm sure the opinion would change, like I have long-time, really close friends who I'm really loyal to and they are to me. But they're the kind of traits that I'm guessing (at first glance) not a lot of people really want to get to know. And the kind of traits that reinforce the idea riding solo is fine and not to worry about it too much.
But to be completely honest it does get lonely, and I feel like I'm missing out on something. Guess it helps that the feeling only comes late at night and my brain mostly filters it out during the day I'm guessing.
Sorry for the sob story, needed to vent a little and just put my thoughts out there so I can read back on them real quick.
I can relate to most of what you said. I think I can appreciate some aspects of the "living solo" mindset: I don't like needy and dependent people, I want to be with someone who doesn't NEED to be with me and could be alone too, but chooses to because I make him extremely happy. Being kind and loyal with those you love and not being needy and clingy is a great trait and it's one of the things that attracts me most in a person. Have something else going for you, obviously: someone interesting, funny to be around, attractive with those traits would easily be a keeper for me.
>>16886987 Didn't bleed, former ballet dancer, and what's the point of lying on a fucking anonymous board. And no, I didn't lose my virginity to a brush. There are some anatomical differences that can lead to the absence of bleeding. Some women do not even have one. Come on.
>>16887004 I feel like I actually satisfy every single one of those conditions, besides the "chooses to be with me because I make him extremely happy."
Never really known a girl to that extent which is probably the reason I can't say I truly satisfy that. And the fact that the 'living solo' mindset doesn't really help a whole lot with the going out and meeting new people sort of thing. Shitty family situation also adds to that fact; creates a sort of fear of actually committing, scared that you might hurt or be hurt by that person so it's better to do nothing than take the risk.
When I say all of this it feels like I'm making excuses but they really do create a legitimately crippling affect around the whole situation.
I just want someone to pick me, I want to be someone's keeper.
>>16887019 You do understand that there are some anatomical differences between human beings? Sure, most women do lose blood during their first sexual activities because the hymen breaks. That's the most common case. But some others do not, because of anatomical differences, traumas, injuries, and whatever.
But you seem to be just one of those "all women suck they are all cheating whores who want to fuck Chad" guys, so why am I even replying.
>>16887030 I can understand, I'm very introverted too and, especially if you're going through a rough time or you're a bit depressed, it's really hard to make new friends, start a relationship, commit or whatever. Take some time to fix yourself and be happy with your life. Might take time, especially if your family situation is a bit complicated, but relationships are rarely a solution to your problems and you better figure yourself out before you start something.
Try to be more social and outgoing, or if you really can't do it, try online. I did meet some amazing people even through 4chan (people I've been friends with for years now, and met in real life many times, and all - nothing romantic tho). Just find a way to create meaningful connections, open yourself and get used to talking to girls/letting them become a part of your life.
I'm a dude. Grew up socially anxious as fuck. Terrified of even ordering food or answering doors because, strangers. Depressed for almost a decade.
Got sick of it in highschool and started making small changes. Fixing my posture. Holding eye contact for more than 2 seconds. Speaking up in class. Force myself to smile more. Go to college and start force msyelf to join group discussion, introducing myself to nearby classmates, trying to be friendly, start forcing myself to go to parties and introducing myself to people and talking to them for 2 minutes. Start trying to talk to women. Start forcing myself to go to bars after work, sit and grab a drink and meal, make conversation. Force myself to stop being depressed.
Meet a girl, her story inspires the shit out of me. I figure if she can do it, why can't I, and it's like everything I've been working to do for the last 5 + years is starting to click together. I start thinking more positive. We start hanging out, I start to fall for her. For the first time in my life, I decide to put myself 100% out there to someone. It fails spectacularly.
I lose all fear, shame, and hesitation.
I'm crushed but crushed is 100x better feeling than the fear of failure and the regret of never having done anything.
Throw myself headfirst into the dating world and everything becomes easy.
Stop making excuses. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take action.
I guess I have it in the back of my mind that once I get in a relationship all will be well, which yeah might not be the case. When did this all get so complicated. I wish I was just a caveman who spent his days hunting and gathering and came home to the pimped out cave and the lovely cavewoman wife.
My goal at the moment is to be able to support myself independently, get qualified so I can live by myself with my own income. Then after that focus on getting a girl, because then not only could I support her but she gets to see the real me and not the me that is confined to one room in a house and all the shit that goes on in the house.
But yeah it's been my far off goal for the longest time and as I said before, it gets really lonely.
>>16887050 I've already gotten to the point where I'm introducing myself and can do all of that quite fine, like interaction itself isn't the problem. I guess being able to continue conversation and contact to the point where the relationship actually becomes meaningful is more of the problem.
That point about eye-contact hit me hard as well. During the like 13 - 16 period I had really bad acne. Whilst talking to people I'd look away and never keep proper eye-contact. The reason being if I wasn't facing them directly they wouldn't have to look at my face directly and wouldn't have to be put in the situation of having to stare at an acne ridden face. As my acne cleared I tried to start giving eye-contact but would blush as bright red as a tomato because I'd feel embarrassed that I'm letting someone look at my acne ridden face (even though it cleared my brain didn't seem to get it). Anyway, can keep pretty good eye-contact now, still trips me up every now and again (especially with girls) but it's something I'm working on and thought I'd share the story for arguments sake.
>>16887066 >I guess being able to continue conversation and contact to the point where the relationship actually becomes meaningful is more of the problem.
And that just comes from more experience. The more comfortable you get with it all, the more naturally it all comes. You start just becoming quicker and quicker and finding more and more to talk about. Eventually you realize you connect with some people more than others, and those you keep around.
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