>date girl since freshman year in college
>every thing is amazing
>almost 8 months after graduating
>wants to move out and try living on her own after new years
>wants to take a 'break' for a bit after graduating and explore herself a bit
>fast forward a bit
>says we really had something special and shes always loved me
>we get back together
>a week later now her friend lets it slip that shes been hooking up with a guy while we were on 'break'
>I confront her, call her a whore (a little harsh), and break up with her
Shes currently begging me together saying that shes always loved me and just didnt see that. We used to talk about getting married in college and it felt like the natural order of things, but now I dont want that. I know wed be great together because we were great together and she'd be a great mother, but I feel like I hate her now.
Am I being to hasty and throwing away everything? Only reason Im having second thoughts is because I dont know if Ill find someone as good as her in the future and when Im 40 and lonely I might regret this.
Let me level with you as I've been in your position, if you get back together with her at 1am every night your going to hate her want to cuss her out and just scream every time it's brought up your gonna want to punch a wall just move on tell her she missed out on a great future and dip
I mean that is kind of expected of a woman on 'break' from her relationship. It is a way to explore ones options/try something without it technically being cheating. How long was it?
So are you saying that I shouldnt go back unless I can get over it?
This is how I feel. But Im trying to look at the bigger picture. Its just really hard. Im really hurt.
She just said she needed to find out who she really is after graduating and wants to really explore what its like being free from school. I just figured she wanted to have no obligations for a while. I could sympathize with that even though I knew it was a bad idea.
You guys were on a mutually accepted break. You should not have expected her to be loyal to you while you were not together. You should have fucked other chicks in the meantime. Did she cheat while you were together? No. You fucked up by not using the time to explore as well. After all was said and done, she still loves you, so it's a bit rash to just throw her overboard. She sounds like a normal girl and you sound like an overly needy idiot who can barely get a girl.
Wow when you say it like this. I really dont want to get back with her. Like I imagine this is how she feels despite what shes saying to me.
Yeah and most of me is like fuck that shit. I guess ill explore for like a week and see how I feel and if I can forgive her.
Ok then that's kinda long but not so long as for it to be overtly terrible I guess. My answer wont clarify things objectively, you obviously need to search your feelings I'll just give you my perspective.
To repeat myself this is something I would 100% expect during a break. A break is essentially a soft-breakup where the other person wants to give it some time to see if they really do want to be separate. She has no real commitment to you at this point and the same from you to her.
I would be pissed if somebody tried to outright jump into another relationship while on break with me, failed, and then came back to me as plan b. That's unacceptable. A month and a half is not that long but it's enough for it to be kind of ambiguous as to what sort of liaison this was.
Personally I think if you guys were getting serious and even talking about marriage and all that, and after a month away she wanted you back, I think she may have realized the error of her ways. This is based on nothing though so you need to look at your relationship with this woman and ask yourself if you trust that she wasn't just pulling some hollaback shit.
It might seem upsetting that a woman would do this to you after almost 5 years or so, but some women drop their men after 7,8,9 years at the drop of a hat and don't look back. Think about the relationship you have, consider if she was honest in her actions, if you can let this go or not. No point in doing anything you don't want or that has damaged you emotionally.
Let me just add: Ignore the the virgins with rage and those who don't know real relationships- a break is what it is. If you can let this not damage your ego and have a good connection someone I say don't throw it away just yet.
Op ur a fuckin idiot. Ur manly pride is hurt by the fact that she slept with another dude when she wasnt with u? Eat a dick. Thats what a break is. She has her own life and its definitely reasonable to want to know what could have been.
>To repeat myself this is something I would 100% expect during a break
Its not something I would expect if you ever expected to actually get back with the person. Because theres still that hint of commitment which is why its not a breakup. And I really care for her, but its not going to be easy letting this go if I ever can. I see myself at 40 being more forgiving, but definitely not right now.
Im hurt that she would take a break in our relationship to whore around and then try to come back like everything is okay. If she didnt want to be with me and have sex with other guys, well she got what she wanted. She wanted a life without me, why should I accept her now. Fuck you people are only making me hate her more.
the only reason i could see this from her side is the "break" part but i really agree with >>16881626 because if it's bothering you this much it's something that's going to stick around in the back of your head. gotta cut her out.
This. The most sensible post in this thread so far.
OP you're being a little bitch by obsessing over this. A break means you're not in a relationship, neither of you had any obligation to avoid seeing other people during the break. So stop acting like there was an obligation, or that it was cheating.
If she's as amazing for you as you say, then you'll definitely regret breaking up with her later down the track.
And honestly, /adv/ is a bad place to come for advice on this because it's full of bitter beta misogynists with impossible standards of 'purity' for women, some of whom are currently in this thread telling you to ruin your life just because your girl hasn't dedicated her entire life to faithfully revolving around you.
That is probably how she feels and is quite frankly a logical, sensible reading of the situation. When it comes to dating, you have to be brutally realistic, shit like a 'break' means just that, a break from being together and all the things that come with it. But if you absolutely can't get back with her then don't be an idiot and do nothing, fucking being bitter and hurt, instead do what you can and date a bunch of girls and explore
Honestly it your fault for not being 100% clear on the terms of you break before starting it. A break has no solidly true definition but I'm telling you 99% of people recognize this as the nature of a break. You are surprised, maybe you're pissed you didn't get any action, but these things can pass and you should try to not let it ruin a good relationship if that's what you have.
If she broke up with you and 2 months later asked to get back together, would you be surprised or super pissed if she was hooking up with a guy during that time. Try to have some perspective on this issue before you decide what you want.
I just dont see how you people think this is logical. If it were I would have just ended things there and cut all contact with her forever.
A break is not breaking up. At least thats how I see it. But apparently instead of wanting a taste of being free she wanted a buffet.
The fact that we werent actually broken up means we are still in a relationship of some type and that theres still some strings attached because we arent broken up. Shes wasnt single, she was on break. So I expected her not to do anything that would betray what we had. At least how I see it, things we do together in a relationship were on break, but not going around acting like shes single.
>If she broke up with you and 2 months later asked to get back together, would you be surprised or super pissed if she was hooking up with a guy during that time
No, but I wouldnt take her back. Thats the difference. If it were truly analogous I would not take her back unless she didnt actually go sleeping around, because then I can believe her when she says she didnt let go of her feelings for me.
Im so mad. The more I talk about this the angrier I become. At least Im calmer than when I first confronted her. And her words are very different from you guys. Hers were fairly apologetic which is why Im even considering I might be making a mistake. But she probably thinks like you guys and is just saying what she thinks I want to hear to let things go. When I think about that it might actually be over and I get more sad than angry.
More often than not, people take breaks because they need personal growth. You were in a relationship with this girl for 4-ish years. You two were together exclusively for 4 years. Now, after graduation, it's a new stage in her life. She needed to take time for herself and, I'm guessing she assumed, you would also take time for yourself. Another reason people take breaks? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. As cliche as it sounds, it's also possible that she wanted to make sure you were the one. Do I agree with her methods? Not really but typically a break is a break - the relationship isn't over but you two aren't together during tha time.
Yeah we werent together, but thats not that same as there being no relationship to betray. Theres a difference between taking time for yourself and spending that time with other people. I only accepted the break because I understand that we were always together and post college is a new step in our lives and we needed to clarify if we were going in the right direction. But fuck clarifying by sleeping with other people.
Your response to my hypothetical makes it seem like you are having trouble getting over your own ego or insecurity. People can move on, have sex with others and still cherish the good times of a previous relationship.
It's clear responses like mine are upsetting you, and sometimes it's the truth that hits the hardest.
I would break up with her.
In my mind, there is no such thing as a "break" in a relationship, you either love the person or you don't. Clearly she didn't want to spend time with you during the break. Generally speaking, you want to spend time with the people you love, despite their flaws.
If you really wanted to do some TV-esque test of loyalty, you could tell her that you got angry after hearing what she did and slept with another girl, and see her reaction. I'm not sure how effective it would be in gauging if she loves you, but it sure would be entertaining.
Look, she had doubts in her mind about you, and she was curious as to what else there was in the world. These doubts would have festered and bothered her all her life. You were wrong in not seeing a break as a break up. You are very needy and not living in the real world and not seeing things the way they actually are. She did want freedom because she was probably not very experienced either and you should have done the exact same thing she did and get some experience
When you start seeing someone else, its over with any previous relationship. Its not a break. You dont date someone else while on break. Its obvious that theres still have commitment there and hooking up with others is betraying that.
Explain to me how its not okay to date someone else while on break but its okay to hook up with someone else while on break?
I didnt want to sleep with other women. Why the fuck would I want to do that when I loved her. Maybe Im the fool and she just wanted to break up with me in a nice way. But I held on to those feelings because of that misunderstanding. So tell me why should I honor those feelings I held on to when they were obviously a mistake.
There are a couple things wrong with this.
>you were wrong in not seeing a break as a break up
This is true, but at the same time it isn't as if OP should get all of the blame. She is the one who called it a "break". She could have just broken up with him and avoided this misunderstanding.
>you should have done the exact same thing
What if he can't? Or if he was too in love with her? Not everyone needs to "experiment" early on in their lives. It seems as though OP and his girlfriend just share different ideals, which is why they probably wouldn't work out as a couple.
She wants to pick back up where we left off. I get the impression that she wants to forget about this and pretend its just some mild crazy bump in our long standing relationship.
You are just repeating your same isolated opinion on the matter. The majority of your peers (and I don't mean the creatures lurking on 4chan) don't see this the way you do.
And a hookup isn't an emotionally invested thing. Relationship during a break personally irritates me because that means they truly want to replace you. It's still not immoral if someone does this while on break just because it upsets me though, because I know that a break implies no commitment, unless you clarified that beforehand.
>In my mind, there is no such thing as a "break" in a relationship, you either love the person or you don't.
I get this. But you have to understand, we've been together for a long time and this was the first time we werent being hindered by college. In my mind it was a time to go do stuff you've wanted without being hindered by the other person. Like going hiking without having to worry about texting her everyday. See what its like sleeping alone and waking up by yourself with no stress. Test independence stuff. Shit like that. Nothing that would betray the relationship though.
I guess what it really comes down to is can you get over it?
What she did sucks and its going to hurt and as someone mentioned earlier this could be something she needed to get out of her system and maybe there's no doubt left about you two. On the other side maybe she planned to leave you it didn't work out and now she's back. Regardless its your life and if you can move past it I think it's worth giving her another shot. Don't let all the jaded forever alone kids get you all worked up
So emotionally investing in someone is not okay but sleeping around is. Thats just arbitrary way of trying to excuse shitty behaviour. And yeah my peers say she should fuck off. That friend that let it slip thought I knew and felt she's wrong for trying to get back without telling me. But I cant really tell these people how I feel and get an unbiased opinion.
Your 'break' is literally breaking up. Why even pretend its something else.
I would stay in the relationship and keep everything the same. If the opportunity to sleep with another women arises, text your gf that you are on a break. Fuck the new girl. Then text your gf that the break is over.
If she asks what that was about say you went on a break to explore your sexuality.
If you needed to take a break the relationship was doomed in the first place. "Breaks" are just bullshit and you are better off cutting ties. You're either together or you're not dude. It goes without saying but don't be a cuck man. Also don't be too hard on her if it was mutually agreed but yeah cut the bitch out
If I were on the outside Id be telling myself to leave her. Its not simply a matter of getting over my hurt feelings.
>she needed to get out of her system and maybe there's no doubt left about you two
Fuck that shit.
>Hey honey, in about a year Im going to need to take a break and get rid of the doubts about us by sleeping with other people
No one would stay through that.
It's not arbitrary it's my personal emotions based on a hypothetical. NOTHING is out of bounds or immoral during a break unless you clarify it beforehand. Even if you were sure of your own definition of a break, did you bother asking what it meant to her or establish any sort of boundaries. No? Then it's squarely on you that you are upset.
You should have slept around because you are very inexperienced and it would have given you some life lessons and stemmed some of your neediness. You loved someone you were NOT together with. When you took a break she assumed you would have done the same thing she did and see what it's like to love someone else. You're being stupid and I almost want to advise you to break up so that you can actually get some experience. If she just wanted to end the relationship in a nice way, she wouldn't be begging you to take her back, would she?
We talked about what we wanted and why we were going on break. Nothing implied sleeping with other people. And yes your personal emotions are arbitrary here. A 'break' is literally breaking up while keeping the other person hanging. I would never want to be with someone who would do that. Im not going to blame myself for assuming she was a decent person.
I dont want to sleep around with other girls even now. Sex isnt the purpose of life. I dont give that much of a fuck about sleeping with other women as you seem to. Ive rejected casual sex all my life, I dont feel the need to change now.
You're an idiot. EVERYONE needs to experiment early in their lives. EVERYONE needs to date multiple people to get an understanding of themselves and others. What the fuck do you mean 'he cant'? He has to stop being a needy bitch, it's not a matter of sharing different ideals, any girl would have done the same being together so long at such a young age with a pathetic, needy pansy as op.
Oi OP ignore the cucks in this thread, what she did was a total betrayal of you. Let's assume you take her back, you show her that
1. Cheating on you is ok
2. You won't do anything about it
Do you think she would be ok with it if you had hooked up with a bunch of chicks on yall's 'break'?
>EVERYONE NEEDS TO EXPERIMENT
nah faggot, but even if what you say is true that doesn't give you the right to play with people's emotions and leave person A hanging on while you jump on B, C, D, E, and F's cocks and then decide that you like A more and want to go back to that relationship.
Ok, then fuck off and leave her and don't date or have sex with anyone else again, if sex isn't important to you
> leave person A hanging
They were on a break, idiot, she wasn't expecting him to be as needy as he was
>If she just wanted to end the relationship in a nice way, she wouldn't be begging you to take her back, would she?
Are you saying she thought she could sleep with other people and things would be just fine?
Ill have sex with the person I love, which at the moment is her for better or worse. And its looking like its for worse.
Maybe Im being overly dramatic and Ill find someone else to replace her and have something even better than what we had. Like Im clinging to her because I dont know if Ill ever find something else as good as what we had.
>I want to break up with this person
>aww man I want to go back to them
Unless you're going to pretend to tell me OP's chick was so well-adjusted that she would have been ok with and accepted the OP if he had fucked another chick or even started dating another one? No, we all know what really happened, OP was super lovey with this chick, she knew he would patiently wait for her no matter what and figured that he would never find out about her fucking around/would forgive her for it and she wouldn't have to deal with any negative fallout.
I think it's cute that you're making all these assumptions for this girl too, "oh she clearly meant to interpret a break as a hard break-Off and even though she is begging for forgiveness she was in the right and is an emotional rock!"
Did you pull the same shit to some guy anon?
You can't. Someone who would interpret a break like and argue it as if it was contractually obligation and they found a loophole is trash anyways. You don't need her OP and you don't need someone who has no problem lieing about it by not telling you.
> Did you pull the same shit to some guy anon?
I am a guy. No one is saying either one of them is well adjusted.You're making this chick sound way more vicious than she probably is. She didn't just use op and go around fucking other dudes knowing he would just be a door mat she can just step on whenever. She's a young girl who is inexperienced and and when she said she wanted a break from the relationship, she meant just that. There is no light or heavy break, a break is a break from the relationship, and everything that comes with it.I'll bet any money she expected him to date around as well. If op can't handle that then too fucking bad, maybe he should breakup
>she wanted a break
>she wanted to date around
>she wants to come back to you
>if you cant accept that you're just a needy little boy!
Fuck that. She is completely within her rights if she wants to break up with OP, but to
1) go on "break"
2) sleep around
3) not tell OP about it when she does come back and he has obviously not slept around
is absolute shit and not fair to him at all. OP waited because he is loyal and thought a break was time by yourself to think and get things in order. A break should be that, if you are pursuing other options it ceases to be a break and becomes a break-up. Again, if she didn't want to be with OP that's fine but she was sneaky, underhanded, and then changed her mind and wanted to pretend like none of her previous actions had occurred. Basically what a trash person would do.
What she did is the literal definition of I want my cake and I want to eat it too. If she thinks that sleeping around with other people doesn't change the relationship dynamic she's fucking insane.
>not knowing what a "break" is
saying you want to take a break literally means there are some people i want to fuck and then see if i still feel the same way about you... its always meant that. forever. if you didnt have someone lined up to fuck on the break, you shouldn't have done it. or you should have tindered hard
>EVERYONE needs to experiment early in their lives
What about no?
Fucking different people and whoring around doesnt automatically give you 'experience', it just lets you taste multiple dicks/pussies at once, something whores like to do very much
Not every person in this world is a whore like you, some protect their virginity for someone they love
As I said before, I didnt want to sleep around. And how can she want to sleep around and love me. doesnt that just mean her feelings for me werent as strong as I thought and I should take this as a sign that it was a mistake being with her.
Yes, for all intents and purposes you did break up. I'm not even saying that you should 100% take her back, just don't be so fucking rash in dismissing her. She is young and stupid but you have to realize she didn't lie to you or cheat on you, she expressed as clearly and gently as she could that you guys were broken up for now.
> is there nothing pure in this world
No, there isn't you fucked up robot, We're fucking human, and society was always and will always be like this. If you can't handle it then stay in your basement and fuck off
>just don't be so fucking rash in dismissing her
Why would it be rash to dismiss her. She broke up with me and slept around. Why the fuck would I consider taking her back.
>you guys were broken up for now.
Theres no such thing.
> Not every person in this world is a whore like you, some protect their virginity for someone they love
Hahahahahaha. Go ahead and live your life thinking like this, see where it takes you, you pathetic moron
There is such thing, it happened right in front of your eyes. She did break up with you and she did fuck someone else. But at least she had the god damn courtesy to tell you in the gentlest way she could and allow you to do what she did. You don't have to take my advice, go ahead and try to think like >> 16882091 before you realize how retarded that kind of thinking is.
Pretty sure I said in the OP that I hate her now. But that doesnt mean I still dont love her. Because I didnt throw my emotions aside when we went on break. They are still there and if it werent for that burning feeling of betrayal and hate I have for her right now, I could continue these feelings.
No, we only were "broken up for now" because of a misunderstanding and her withholding information. There is no such thing as 'broken up for now'.
The fact that if I forgive her would mean 'broken up for now' is a thing makes me want to reject her on principle alone.
You have the right to be mad that she came back and didn't tell you about screwing someone else. That has a direct impact on your decision and is relevant since 1) you were together before and 2) she came to you.
You don't have the right to drag the whole thing out or make her feel bad that she fucked someone. You can accept it and move forward or reject it and move on.
This is exactly why the term "break" is goddamn stupid. You get kept as emotional backup while they do whatever they please. Either end things completely or stay together.
And my last bit of wisdom is a question for you to consider. If you broke up before, what's different today that keeps it from happening again?
>If you broke up before, what's different today that keeps it from happening again?
Because we were supposed to be on 'break' which as I had in mind is perfectly fine given the circumstances. The needs for that type of 'break' arent there anymore. But that doesnt change what she did while we were on 'break.'
>You don't have the right to drag the whole thing out or make her feel bad that she fucked someone.
Why exactly is that. If she wanted to do that she should have said so. Not this bullshit about needing time.
>We're fucking human, and society was always and will always be like this. If you can't handle it then stay in your basement and fuck off
>all this projection
>implying I even browse /r9k/
And no human society was never like this
The retarded idea that you need to fuck everybody to get 'experience' only started after the sexual revolution, something whores took to their full advantage to make everyone a whore
And I already have a girlfreind
Everything is retarded about >>16882091, he is so fucked up and stupid that he should go back to /r9k/ and never give anyone advice as long as he lives. That kind of thinking is not realistic and is going to open someone up to a fucking world of bitter, bitter pain
Whats not realistic about it? If youve gone to a very diverse area with people all over the world, honestly its just european women who this doesnt apply to mainly. Americans are hit or miss.
Not the one you replied to but
>this much projecting
So anyone who disagrees with you is a basement dwelling /r9k/ neckbeard?
Go back to tumblr, you may find whores like yourself there
That's just plain not true, humans have always cheated and fucked around, no one's perfect, And I don't believe you have ever had a girlfriend. Look how fucking bitter you sound, you really seem like a fucked up, lonely, angry person.
>Its not that I cant particularly trust her
It is, you dummy. She went and whored around and now she wants to get back to you. She's prolly pregnant or got some nasty disease that prevents her from getting more dicks.
OP, please do not listen to the people in this thread that tell you to stay with her. People need to understand that "breaks" are not acceptable in truly loving relationships. If she has done this, she will do it again. She disrespected your love because she thought she found someone she could be happier with. If this is how she thinks, she will do it again and again. People who seriously love each other stay committed to each other even when other people come along. Don't fall for these games that many partners play.
As Ive said before, I didnt mind or rather understood the 'break' I thought we were going on. independence for the first time EVER etc. Not this sleeping around with other people shit.
I think what you said here is the most important part thing, OP.
You say you don't know whether you should leave her because you're afraid you won't have something this good wtb someone else, but what you're not seeing here is that what you have with her here, right now, is broken. You feel betrayed and the "good" part of your relationship is something from your past. You can't reclaim it.
I think for this reason it would be better for you to move on. It seems like you won't be able to overcome this betrayal, and regardless of anons thinking your reaction is correct or not, this is your situation. These are your feelings. Your feelings won't change whether someone tells you they're the right or wrong thing to feel.
This isn't something you can fix. You should leave her.
>I feel betrayed.
You were betrayed. At least once. That's not a basis for a solid relationship. You need to end this. Others have told you that too. It won't be easy but if you stay with her, you'll just keep on getting hurt.
Just texted her this
>Ive been racking my brain about this, lashing out and sulking. I have a lot I wanted to say to you but Ill just simplify it and say lets just end it.
>If you havent noticed, Im really hurt and its evident that being with you will just make me resentful and a worse person from the things Ive been saying. Regardless of how we got here, as it is, its not possible for us to continue on.
Really sad right now. Im considering telling her that Ill pack her stuff up and put it by the door so that we can meet one last time (officially) and end things face to face. Am I being crazy because it seems really neutral to me but it might sound cruel after sending the first message.
OP, you're doing the right thing.
A girl I loved broke up with me three times so she could sleep with other men. After the third time, I had had enough. Keep your dignity. Love is about commitment.
Bro it's fine, relax. Honestly this is for the best, she wanted to ride a new dick, so much so, she would risk your relationship. And just think about that dude she was ducking around with, he got all that free pussy and didn't so much as have to deal with her bullshit like you do. You got this info from her friend which was a slip up! Meaning she was going to hide it from you, or meant to. That bitch is garbage, 4 years and some dick is enough to grow as person??? Yeah.. Ok. I've fucked plenty of girls who had boyfriends, they do them niggas dirty as hell. -.- you would have just been plan B or emergency plan A
I've been with the same person for over half my life. There were times where we've needed space, and so we'd spend time apart doing our own thing, but we've never, ever taken a "break." That essentially means the relationship's over.
Someone either commits 100% or they don't. She chose not to, and in such a small amount of time, decided to sleep around before crawling back. She didn't even tell you, and that has to hurt.
These conflicting messages. I feel like I have enough time before she gets here to pack a few of her stuff. Mainly just to let her see I mean it. Because I might break if shes pleads with me.
>wants to take a 'break' for a bit after graduating and explore herself a bit
You were a dumb bastard for agreeing to this in the first place instead of breaking up with her there and then, BUT:
>Am I being too hasty and throwing away everything?
No, obviously not. >>16881633 is the only correct answer in this thread. She did you like a whore and if you take her back she'll know she can get away with that now. It has nothing to do with misogyny like some retards in the thread are spouting, it's just hard facts that what you had is gone already. Accept it and get a new girl who hasn't betrayed you.
If it's late, and she's adamant about coming over, then don't let her stay. It's that simple. She'll try to use physical intimacy to weasel her way back into a relationship, and you'll just hate yourself in the morning.
Really, there's nothing more that needs to be said. If she needs her items, pack them and leave them outside of the door. Lock it. Go take a long bath.
She doesnt have a car. I stay in my cities midtown so its not really safe enough to catch a ride from here as it is to get here if that makes sense. Not that its really safe anywhere at this time.
>She doesnt have a car. I stay in my cities midtown so its not really safe enough to catch a ride from here as it is to get here if that makes sense. Not that its really safe anywhere at this time.
That's no longer your business.
I dont hate her enough to be able to do that. And Ill be worried about how she'll get over to where shes staying. I could drive her but then Id have to get her in the car. And she'll just bs about her friend not being able to pick her up.
4 years. My heart is breaking.
Not if I take an incredibly long bath and head straight for the couch without seeing her.
I asked her if she had a way back and she said she'll figure something out after we talk. She knows Im not going to turn her away.
I'm with you dude.. The way she described it she wanted time away to clear her head and just.. Have some time alone. Was there an argument or massive fight before she decided to go? Was there anything to imply that she was not in love with you anymore?
The way I see it, if you love someone, you don't sleep with someone else, even if you've broken up. You just can't bring yourself to do it out of a longing heartfelt desire for the other person. You wouldn't want them to do it to you, so you don't do it to them. It's called emotions and respect.
She fell out of love with you to fuck someone else. If it was unplanned she could have at least come clean and told you instead of you finding out from someone else. She didn't tell you because she feels guilt, because she knows she did something wrong.
Don't take her back. I guarantee it will eat you up inside that she fell out of love with you for her own selfish reasons. .
>Did you pull the same shit to some guy anon?
Of course she did. The tumblr justifications in this thread only have one source: whores.
Look at all the "needy, insecure, ego" blahblahblah shaming, the "everyone but you knows a break means getting donkeyfucked by strangers", do you think there's any reason for that except whores trying to justify and normalize whoring? No, of course not. OP is being the opposite of needy and insecure, his girl went behind his back, fuck that shit. Insecurity would be taking her back when he knows his own feelings perfectly well.
>Fuck that. She is completely within her rights if she wants to break up with OP, but to
>1) go on "break"
>2) sleep around
>3) not tell OP about it when she does come back and he has obviously not slept around
>is absolute shit and not fair to him at all
T H I S
All these fags trying to justify OP's shitty treacherous girlfriend keep conveniently skipping over the part where she wasn't upfront about it, so CLEARLY knew it was shameful and wrong, but she thought she could get away with it.
OP, don't feel bad for being loyal and good, get rid of the cheating whore, don't listen to these shitbags trying to tell you you're a bad person.
First mistake: Not making sure you both understand a break is and means. Break = Break up = you go each your own way. "If we don't have a get-back-together date then this is a break-up". You then effectively force the reason out of her which is what she should've given you to begin with because in a trusting relationship you share everything.
Second mistake: If she wants to get back together, you should be asking her what she found out about herself on her break. This naturally opens up the dialogue in a way you can maybe accept what she says.
Third mistake: Confronting her instead of doing what you should've done on your 2nd mistake.
IMO, the "I need to sleep around to feel fulfilled with my life because if I haven't slept with X people there must be something wrong with me" is unbelievably messed up thinking. Monogamous relationships are a decision you make for the sake of stability, and it requires discipline to maintain the relationship.
Holy shit you guys are fucking cucks.
If a female was really invested in a relationship she would be depressed as fuck for like 1 year AT LEAST.
Stop lying to yourself, what is this exploring kind of shit? what the fuck is there to explore.
One thing is "look i need to try to follow this dream that will take me 2 years to paris"
another is "hey i would like to give us a break, we could see each other from time to time, but i need my privacy for a while, 2 people 2 houses"
and ANOTHER WHOLE THING IS "i need muh life experience of taking another dick after 1 month of the break up"
get your shit together fucking cuck shits jesus christ
>You go on 'break' from work. Need a change of pace and to just relax and recharge.
>There is an implication that you will return and continue where you left off.
>Your employer keeps your job and desk and office secure.
>Your employer even continues commitment on their end by paying you during this break.
>They like you and don't want to lose you.
>While on your break from work, you decide to sign a short term contract and work for the competition. They pay you as well. The contract stipulates you will be doing mostly the same type of work you do for your first job.
>You return from break.
>Word gets around somehow that you did work for the competition.
>This is a conflict of interest and most job conditions make it clear that this is a breach of your contract. It's pretty much common sense even if you don't read your contract. You have every reason to be fired from your first job.
>They don't know what kind of information and how much information you gave the competition. They obviously won't believe you if they ask cause you've already proven to be deceptive.
>The employer spends the next several months to a year in a heightened sense of damage control cause of what you did. The person they hire to replace you needs extra eyes on him now because of the lack of trust you have instilled in this employer.
>They are pissed. As they should be.
They do, they're just shilling narcissists. They don't want it to apply to themselves so they can do whatever they want, but you can be damn sure they suddenly know about morals and ethics if their boyfriends were to fuck around.
Hey bro, I was in a very similar situation.
Apparently she was not mature enough to commit herself to the relationship you had.
Of course it is natural to be intersted in other people sexually, but actually sleeping with them is another thing.
Loving somebody is a decision, since the feeling of "being in love" always fades and is being replaced by affection. Many people don't get that.
You are more tempted to leave your long term partner for someone new if something does not feel right instead of working on the problem together as a team, that is why many polygamous relationships do fail.
The next few months will be hard for you, that is no doubt. You will think very often about her and how she has hurt you. But this will slowly fade, focus on your life.
Some people try to sleep with various other persons during that time, calling that "exploring", but it does not necessarily have to be the right thing for you, decide for yourself.
I focus on my studies, play the piano and go out for long walks in the forest.
The fact is that she was not honest with you and did NOT think about how you might feel about the entire thing. This was either due to immaturity or lack of empathy for you or maybe both.
Move on, you will be surprised how you will lose all of those feelings for her you once had over time.
(But sure, you will still think of her from time to time.)
Long thing short, let her go. Either you find somebody who loves you the way you love them or you don't. Either way is great in it's own way as long as you don't hate yourself though. Don't look back in regret if a woman just did not love you the way you did and be grateful for the wonderful times you spent together.
Protip: Never ever talk to her again, it will only reactivate those synaptic shortcuts you had from back then. She might try to do that unconsciously in order to bind you to her, but don't fall for it, you are not a monkey since you possess reflective capabilities.
You'll make it bro!
The problem here is that different people have different views on what a relationship and a break is. In a way a relationship is like a contract: You agree to do things together and not to cheat on each other. What exactly you agree to depends on the people.
So for some people this is cheating while for others it's fine. There is no definite answer to it. For OP it's apparently wrong. So in this scenario the gf unknowingly broke the rules of their relationship by OP's view but not by her own.
As far as we know she didn't act maliciously: She didn't think she was doing anything wrong. So what we are left with was either a consequence of miscommunication or an honest mistake. And I don't think either of those are grounds for a break-up.
Now obviously we have to be pragmatic here: If this hurt OP so much that he can't be in a relationship with her anymore you can't take her back, no matter the moral background.
>So in this scenario the gf unknowingly broke the rules of their relationship by OP's view but not by her own.
No, this is bullshit just like all the other times someone said it in the thread. If this were the case, *she wouldn't have concealed what she did from OP*. Okay? He wouldn't have had to find out from his friend that she was fucking someone else if she thought that was all fine and aboveboard.
She KNOWINGLY broke the rules of their relationship, EVEN BY HER OWN STANDARDS, and then decided to try to hide it from OP. Don't be this fucking apologist.
If you're in a relationship you are under no obligation to reveal anything about your past relationships or past sexual encounters outside of the relationship. This seems applicable here.
>you are under no obligation to reveal anything about your past relationships or past sexual encounters outside of the relationship
You are obligated to reveal any and everything that would deter a person from wanting to date you. If its personal and something you just dont want people to know unless they are super close than thats one thing, but if you know its a deal breaker in the relationship then you are obligated to tell. Why the hell would you even be in a relationship at that point.
>this person wouldnt be with me if they really knew
Except this isnt just the past, a break is about deciding if your -current- relationship.
The simple fact she hid it indicates she knew he wouldn't be ok with it, and tried to trick him.
Trying to hide your history is absolute nonsense. I'm not saying you need to sit down and go into detail for everything, but if you know something about you is a deal breaker for the person you're seeing you should be upfront about it.
You had to find out through a friend? That's sad. Who knows what else she's hiding from you? You can stay with her if you're fine with the fact that she could be fucking another man. Would you honestly be happy with that?
>I dont know if Ill find someone as good as her in the future and when Im 40 and lonely
True, but odds are in your favor right now. You have evidence that this person is unwilling to be honest to a significant degree. That suggests it's possible for her to string you along and waste your time for some years and then bail when something more convenient comes along.
It will be a lot easier to find a replacement now than it will be then, because as women age they realize more and more how privileged they are and how they can take advantage of that.
And I disagree that someone so incapable of taking responsibility for themselves should be encouraged to become a mother so she can shirk that responsibility as well.
I had something happen to me years ago. I had the conflicting feelings of truly loving her while also hating her for what she did and who she became. the solution I found was that I did and still love her. but the version of her in the past. that version of her will always be left behind and is impossible to become part of my future. there is nothing I admire or love in the present verison of the woman I once called my lover. she is a stranger to me.
"We need a break"
> I want to fuck this other guy really badly but I don't want to feel like a cheating slut whore. I also want to keep my boyfriend in arms reach as a backup plan after I have have sucked my fill of cum out his dick and it doesn't work out.
Don't be a fucking cuck. Retain your dignity and drop her.
If you read above the OP said they were on break for ONLY a month or so.
Think about that for a second. To be able to be another guys cum sock for a month and a half, this slut had to find a guy within a week or two, go on a couple dates with him, maybe work her way up to sex, then finally start fucking him, and fucking him long enough that the OP found from OTHER PEOPLE that she was fucking this other dude.
The writing is on the wall with this. That is awfully quick to go on a break, get adjusted, not happen to be looking for sex with somebody else and then have something just happen? That quickly?!
She had her bedroom eyes for this guy well before the "break" and she wanted an excuse to have sex with this guy, and then come crawling back if it didnt work out. She had this WHOLE THING PLANNED!! In fact, even if it wasn't planned it is even worse... she just went on break then looked for somebody random to pump her full of cum.
What a total cunt. Have some respect OP please.
Don't do it man. Never be the guy she settles for. If you get back together, you're always going to wonder if she's on the prowl for her next "break" and you're just there to tide her over till then.
Don't do that to yourself.
How last night went. Condensed because the actual statements were much longer and had a lot more filler back and forth. These are the main points worded fairly similarly without all of the insults.
>Despite how justified you feel, being with you only hurts
>I made a mistake and didnt realize just how special what we have is
>it doesnt have to be that way. If you had seen another girl youd know there isnt replacing this
>I could see that without another girl
>how can we move past this. What can I do to fix it.
>you cant undo the past
>Are you mad because I slept with someone else? Its not that big of a deal to throw everything away. We just wanted different things during the break.
>I thought you wanted independence, not to whore around. You know me well enough to know that theres no way that was going to be okay. Which is why you didnt tell me
>I didnt tell you because I knew youd be unreasonable and try to throw everything away. You said it yourself that we were lucky to find each other.
Its literally a circle and Im only rejecting things she says. I know shes right. But Im just so unhappy right now.
>We just wanted different things during the break
She literally just said "I wanted to get away from you a while and sleep with someone else, but now that I've got that out of my system let's get back together."
You'd have to be a major cuck to even consider this. She ONLY asked for a break to go fuck someone else.
Leave her. there a difference between pure break over loss and betrayal and the feeling of investment loss. if I lost all my stock investments tomorrow I be pretty upset, but that is not love.
you must separate love from investment loss. this is the reason why many people stay in a bad or untrusting relationship months or years after both people should have started over again. in the end they realizes that it was a huge waste of time.
Do not waste your time. Do not waste her time.
>I made a mistake
From you initial OP post it sounds like she hooked up with a guy multiple times.
It sounds like she made a couple mistakes. And by mistakes I mean penises. And by made I mean took vigorously over and over again.
>I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be unreasonable
How could anyone trust someone who says this? "If I know that you won't like what I did, I just won't tell you that I did it."
I think she'd be the bigger one to lose here. She seems at least halfway reasonable and perceptive about this. OP is literally stumbling in the dark, shocked at what a break means.
She even said that she knew he would be unreasonable about it. She knows him and the situation better than he does, and she is making a mistake by staying with a guy that she knows she can't communicate with about normal human doubts and feelings just because she is comfortable with the normalcy of being with him. I've known tons of people who had long term relationships out of highschool that took a break and ended up back together just because they weren't sure what was out there, what they were doing with their lives. It's normal. It's also normal to get stuck in a crap relationship because it is more comfortable than the uncertainty of whatever is left without it. She seems really average. OP seems emotional and self-absorbed. He can barely even consider the other side, just saying it makes him even angrier when anybody states what was probably happening on her end. I can see why she would think she couldn't communicate.
>>wants to take a 'break' for a bit after graduating and explore herself a bit
>>a week later now her friend lets it slip that shes been hooking up with a guy while we were on 'break'
Just a tip for all you virgins: if a girl tells you she wants to take a break it means she wants to fuck someone else. She in fact already has someone lined up. Same applies to open relationships (relationshits more like amirite). Literally no one just wakes up and thinks "oh hey, I want to just take a break for no fucking reason." There is a reason. A fucking reason. No pun intended.
You were on a break, she wanted to fuck other dudes but she was wrong for not telling you.
This will eat you inside so just break up with her and for future reference, if she is looking to take a "break" your relationship is fucked.
See this is part of why Im so reluctant. Its post like this that make me think this is how she really feels and is just trying to say what I want to her. Obviously if she said something remotely close to this Id close this book quickly.
>I know shes right.
How exactly is she right? She's twisting your words that you said when you were trying to fix things to a situation where things are now completely different. Who is she to say that you would be or are being unreasonable? If you're hurt by something, you're hurt. You're not being hurt and indecisive to spite her; that would be unreasonable.
said, you can't trust someone who hides things from you to prevent you from being upset. My ex constantly tried to justify lying about small things by using that reasoning and it's complete bullshit in a relationship where two people should be 100% honest with each other, even if it means hurting the other person.
That's why you should ALWAYS stick to not doing breaks, and just breaking up. Otherwise you'll have a month of hoping things will work themselves out, when in reality you're being strung along while she decides whether you're worth keeping.
Point still stands, OP. There's no reason to think she won't do this again, and for your sake I hope it's sooner rather than later so you can come to terms with what this is and stop wasting your life on such an unfulfilling relationship.
Shes right in that I would be throwing a lot way from it. Theres a reason why marriage was a consideration. We havent had any real problems in our relationship before now. Whenever she got mad and unreasonable she would apologize the same day and we communicate a lot more than other couples we've been around. Things have been going so well until now.
>Theres a reason why marriage was a consideration.
Even if you got her pregnant, it's better to rip the band aid off now than later. And if you care about the kid, fight for full custody. No one deserves that kind of role model.
>I didnt tell you because I knew youd be unreasonable and try to throw everything away. You said it yourself that we were lucky to find each other.
Hohohoooooooly shit. That's a real grade-A fuckin' classic out of the bitch playbook, so old I didn't think they used it anymore. Amazing.
Son, she's trying to blame you for her own crimes. She straight-up admitted right there that she purposely and intentionally deceived you, and now she's trying to make you apologize for it.
Get out. Fast. This will only get worse forever if you stay. Not fucking around here.
>Leave her. there a difference between pure break over loss and betrayal and the feeling of investment loss. if I lost all my stock investments tomorrow I be pretty upset, but that is not love.
The term is "sunk cost fallacy". That aside, you're 100% correct.
>Shes right in that I would be throwing a lot way from it.
Do you think she thought or cared what she was throwing away when she was fucking another guy?
More power to you if you want to stay in a relationship after a break. But honestly, do you think you could spend the rest of your life with someone who wasn't sure that they wanted to be with you in the present?
And during that time where she should have been thinking about what she had with you and how you guys can make things work, she sleeps with someone else?
Everyone likes to pretend that its the other person fault and never take responsibility. What they dont get is that a relationship isnt something you should be looking for loopholes in and that self centered line of thinking is not someone trustworthy enough to be in a serious relationship.
OP I'LL SAY IT ONE LAST TIME
SHE GOT SO SICK OF BEING WITH YOU
THAT SHE ASKED FOR A BREAK
BUT THEN SHE FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE
SHE WASN'T WANTING TO BE ALONE
SHE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOOOOOOU
SHE LOVED BEING WITH THE OTHER GUY
WHO PROBABLY CAME INSIDE HER
FUCKING GET SOME SELF RESPECT
Look I can understand that she made a mistake. As in error in judgment. But I also understand that you have to deal with the consequences of those mistakes.
But thats not an excuse for me to make errors in judgment as well. Yeah part of me wants to say
>you threw everything away so Im going to do the same
But Im not a vindictive person. Honestly it feels more like Im just sitting here debating whether or not to try to make something of what she threw away. You can argue that the feelings of betrayal and hate I have are because I didnt realize she wanted to break up even though she says she didnt. But then if I had understood her real intentions I would never be considering her right now.
>She literally just said "I wanted to get away from you a while and sleep with someone else, but now that I've got that out of my system let's get back together."
This, OP. Please don't let yourself get back together with her. It'll eat away at you, and when you finally end it, you'll be villanised far more than if you just ended it now.
You know the situation best, you were with this girl for a while, the rest of us can only take experiences we had in the past and autistically offer advice based on that.
To be honest, it sounds like you need some time to process this still, you could ask for a second break to think it through, if you are afraid of making the wrong call because both your emotions are volatile right now. And what she does during this second break will help you to make your decision: whether she goes back to fucking that guy, immediately jumps on another guy's cock, or continues to try to repair the relationship.
This time, you can use the break to date other girls and/or let your emotions settle so you can make a more level-headed decision.
Apparently Im crazy and a break means break up without breaking up and breaking off ties.
Im not foolish enough to think that she would stay loyal during a 'break.' And even if she did it wouldnt change how betrayed I feel. I cant have sex with another girl while I still love her.
Yeah its true that if things keep going Ill become a villain. Thats what resentment does to a person.
>wants to take a 'break' for a bit after graduating and explore herself a bit
op you are naive for not knowing what that translates. women pull that shit so they they can have some fun and come back to monkey branch you.
I am not going to say you are in the wrong or that you are in the right, but these are the facts as summed up and assuming both are adults.
>She initiated wanting a break.
>As the initiator of the break, she was responsible for letting you know exactly what that entailed in terms of intimacy with others and what she expected out of you and herself.
>You did not ask for specification, but given how out of the blue this was is understandable given the turmoil it would wring out of you. It is asking a lot of someone to be clear and logical in a situation like this and act with perfect clarity.
>the break lasted a month and a half, and reading through your posts it seemed like there was no time limit on the break.
>She did not inform you of what occurred during the break.
So, given these, here are the assumptions I would draw.
1.) She withheld information from you that would cause you to act in your best interests both pre-and post break-up
2.) I would consider this a lie of omission, where you deliberately do not share facts in order to skew opinion favorably toward you.
3.) She stated that she wanted to "Try something new and different". The implication behind this is that she is not sure of the relationship and believes that there is something better than what I can offer. That last section is important. She believes that there is something better than what you can offer either through novelty or excitement.
Now, given that I am a proud person I would end it on the grounds that:
1.) she lied by omission, thereby manipulating me into agreeing into something that, had i known all the pertinent information I would never had agreed to. This shows a lack of respect toward me because she refused to treat me as an adult with their own wants and concerns.
2.) break to try out new things reinforces #1, focusing only on herself and her wants rather than the other in a relationship which is what a relationship is. It is a two way street and she thought only of herself and her concerns, and only shared information with you as long as it did not affect her negatively. It is pretty self-centered of her.
3.) She thought I was not good enough for her. Regardless of what she said about trying to explore herself, or finding something at the end of the day, she either thought she was stagnating with me or that there was something better or more exciting than what i have to offer.
Given the above, I would end it with her. But I would automatically assume #3 about a break to begin with and end it right on the spot. As an adult, she should have expected this as a consequence of her behavior. I would end things and refuse to talk to her afterwards.
tl:dr, if you assume both of you are rational adults than it is clear that she was in the wrong through omission of details whether purposefully or not.
>implying op was selfish enough to have a different girl in mind right after the breakup.
OP's gf was probably emotionally cheating on him even before the "break" and wanted the physical part too so she wanted a break.
>SHE WASN'T WANTING TO BE ALONE
>SHE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOOOOOOU
>SHE LOVED BEING WITH THE OTHER GUY
>WHO PROBABLY CAME INSIDE HER
It really can't be said any better than this. This is the raw, unfettered truth, OP.
OP you already the answer. how old are you op? If you are lower 20s, then you have plenty of time to find someone else if you are serious about looking. At your age, it's better to cut your loses and move on. she will be the one left with all the regret. she will be the one to live with her mistake.
How many of us are actually advocating breakup? Lets ask:
>I didnt tell you because I knew youd be unreasonable
She literally told you that if she knows you won't like something, she'll just hide it from you, but do it anyway.
Mark my words, if you get back together, she'll still be getting Chad's loads splashed all over her back, and she'll be loving every second of it. And she won't feel guilty at all, in fact, she'll feel annoyed that she has to go through the trouble of hiding it from her unreasonable boyfriend.
No one that's happy with their relationship status and has sincere emotions / connections with a significant other needs "break".
She's a whore plain and simple. Even if she wasn't you'll never have peace of mind. If you're 40 you're probably better off finding trustworthiness in a girl closer to your age.
Well said. Getting it our there can help you understand yourself better. If that's how your feel don't rationalize against it, it'll only cause you a LOT of stress. You're beyond it.
Also, you're a cuck.