My dad passed away like 3 months ago and his best friend has been looking out for me. He helps me a lot, I'm only 19 and I've never been on my own before so if I need something he helps me out no matter what it is. I'm pretty fond of him, I've known him since I was little.
He was over at my apartment yesterday and everything was normal and whatever. He asked me how I was holding up being on my own and I said it was really hard and stressful. He said it didn't have to be and I asked what he meant. He got really serious and he said he was going to be really straight with me. He says he really likes me and thinks I'm great and he doesn't want me to struggle if I don't have to. He wants me to be his girlfriend and move in with him and he'll look after me and be by my side.
I was pretty shocked at this sudden revelation. I told him I thought he was a great guy but I don't think my father would approve and I said no. He said my father would want me to be happy and taken cared of by someone he trusts. That's true but he's his best friend, it feels weird. He told me I didn't have to make a decision right away or anything but it's something to think about and if I didn't want it wouldn't change anything between us. So I said okay and I've been thinking about it.
I don't know what to do. He's a lot older than me, he's like 48 but I can't say I'm not attracted to him. I think he's great in every way but I feel like I would be spitting on my dad's grave, I can't do that even if hes not here to judge me. I don't know how he would feel about such a thing, I can only guess at this point. I know for certain I can trust him though, he's been with me all my life and I always could rely on him for anything. I don't know about being lovers though.
Would I be a bad person to be his girlfriend? On top of everything, it would make my life so much easier but no amount of stress relief is worth disrespecting my father but would I really be? I'm so conflicted.
I feel like something is a foot here
>Would I be a bad person to be his girlfriend?
LOL, yeah I can see this working out great, fresh meat for that old guy to play with.
Meanwhile you'd get to sleep with this old guy, which I'm sure is great for you.
Then when you're 31, he'll be 60. Sounds perfect to me! Imagine how attractive he'll look at 60. You'll be hot for his meat all the time, I bet!
He's taking advantage of your daddy issues, but do what you want.
If you wanna be his toy girl, then fine. Some people are going to judge you, but in the end you're a grown person and you have the right to make your own decisions.
But remember that there are many guys out there and you don't have to be with this person just because it's convenient right now.
Also, there probably is a reason why this dude is still alone at 48. Either he is one of those who use girls and dumps them, or he has emotional issues, most probably.
>They're going to be together that long
Yeah right, he'll get sex and she'll get financial stability and a rock to lean on. Even trade. Then she'll leave him when she finishes school.
And if she does stick around she'll get free money when he dies at 72 and retire at 40 or whatever.
Yeah, I would my friend with my little sisters. But that's because I know my friends are good dudes.
Reminds me of Crazy Stupid Love when Goose gets with Stone and Carell is angry.
Personally I think he came on a little too fast after your dad's passing (my condolences). I know nothing about the man but if he seems like a genuinely caring man and you are attracted to him there isn't anything wrong with it. Your dad is free from ever having to know of this and you are free from his judgments on your relationships, which are decidedly your business.
Any father would kick their friend's ass if they even thought that they were thinking of their daughter that way. Plain and simple.
He's trying to take advantage of you. It would be different if he only confessed his feelings for you without adding "oh you'll be my gf and move in with me. I'll take care of you bb." He knows you're vulnerable and stressed. What any good parent wants for their child is to be independent and happy. You've been dealt a shit hand in life OP, but this is the time to show that your father raised you right by not taken the easy way out, and bettering yourself so you can be independent.
They were very very very close, they had the biggest bromance of bromances. They loved each other very deeply. My dad considered him the person he could trust most in the world. He did also, they were like brothers. When my dad passed away, he cried a lot and was very heartbroken. He loved him a lot, at his funeral he could barely even talk without just breaking down. They were very close and in turn he's always been very close to me. I've always been very close to him, he would look after me and help me whenever I needed. I could tell him anything, he was like my uncle growing up.
I have complete trust in him and so did my dad, that's why I don't believe he has any malicious intent at all. As for why he's single, he was married for a long time and they divorced like two years ago. He just hasn't remarried yet, nothing weird about that. I don't have any reason to believe he has bad intentions, it's not about that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the old man is just lonely. He's divorced, he lost his best friend, and OP is the closest thing to his friend he has. Maybe it's unhealthy but I think he just wants someone to love and OP is just the closest thing he has to his best friend.
no dont fucking do it. you're 19 hes 48, a close family friend almost like a relative. you guys are at completely different points in life that its almost twisted. just go on your own, and go experience a normal adulthood, with its stresses and joys.
As a dad myself, I can probably chime in. I can kind of agree with the notion that if I was alive, that is unacceptable but if I'm dead the it's okay. Guys are weird, we see sex as like a disrespectful, shameful, offensive act that we do upon women. That's why a dad wouldn't want his daughter fucking his best friend even if their relationship was genuinely beautiful, respectful, loving, and he treated her like a princess because we're weird like that. Among other things of course but it really does offend on a instinctual weird level.
If I was dead, I would trust my best friend with my daughter. I'm gone, you don't really need my approval anymore although I appreciate the thought. Your relationship would only be disrespectful to your father if you treated each other poorly and from the sound of things, you two would treat each other with the utmost respect and love. Your dad's friend sounds like a very trusted and loved person in your father's life, I don't doubt for a second he would be happy if you two had a loving relationship because he knows you're in good hands.
It's just that's only a thing we can really accept when we're fucking dead. Just follow your heart, if you two love and trust each other then do it. Life's too short.
lets make things clear, she said that she is not attracted to him, she would hook up with him just to make her life easier, basically prostitution, also, nothing good is coming from this in the long run, she will see that she is losing time with him and will dump him in the future, he will probably get mad at her because he will be overly attached and might do something stupid, i can see many situations where this end badly, i would advice op to avoid, he is probably just taking advantage that you're missing an father figure in your life, you regret this, believe me.
> Life's too short
life is short for him, not for her, he will want to marry her for sure, she is THE catch to him, now ask her if she is willing to lose all her best years with a man that will hit his 50 soon and it will be just downhill after that, it will be her literally throwing her youth into the trash.
"He's known me since I was little"
Dude wtf. Like I know you're not little anymore but I could never have feelings for someone I watched grow up. You still see those people as children. You're like a father/mother to them. It's like he was grooming you or some shit. It's weird. He's a weirdo. Don't do it.
Life is short for everyone. He has more years on him but don't be arrogant because you're young. You'll be in your 40s before you even know it.
Secondly how would her years be wasted if she spent them with someone she loved and was happy? I don't see that is a waste.
she didn't said that she loves him, as far as i understood, this is basically her missing an father figure in her life, she want him to make her life easier, dude, its a fucking 48 yo man with an 19 girl, her next years will change her completly, she will experience a lot of stuff and he will just hold her back, as hard as you want to think that this is going to be good to her, the probablility of an bad outcoming is really high.
also, >>16881007 this guys has an valid point.
we aren't talking about memes here.
>Any father would kick their friend's ass if they even thought that they were thinking of their daughter that way.
Are you american? I'm just asking since every american person I've met had these weird hangups about people having sex with their family members.
As a father myself, the only thing that might've upset me is the age difference, but in the end my daughter is her own person and if she and my friend really want to bang each other - that's her choice to make.
>Guys are weird, we see sex as like a disrespectful, shameful, offensive act that we do upon women.
That's a pretty fucked up view on sex there, buddy.