Be me 19, in relationship for 8 months with girl. Break up yesterday unexpectedly. We were going on a trip. Tells me at the last minute,
"She can't go, she is in a bad place right now and needs to stay home"
Conversation shortly ends after me asking questions
She says she needs 30 days and I told her to just forget us entirely.
She has been hanging around her older sister who influences her a lot. With her plans and alc and drug decisions.
Her older sister broke up with her boyfriend days before, I think she talked my girlfriend into not going on the trip. My reason to believe that is because my girlfriends sister posted about how their dad was taking them on a last minute trip to the same place me and my girlfriend we're going.
I haven't talked to her since she told me yesterday she wasn't going.
I would really love to get back with her but, should I? Is it worth it? I love her
>I would really love to get back with her but, should I? Is it worth it?
Why would you? She's allowing a shitty family member to take priority over you, and they're even going to the same place you two were going? That sounds like a crock of shit, probably a cover-up for something.
>why would I?
I've been asking myself this. Idk I just somehow see good in her, but i know there's bad in her. I'm usually happy with her. But I'm also very attached to her. We spend almost every night of that 8 months together. We been through a lot together in just 8 months
She probably will. Statistically, you're not going to last. Once you break up over arbitrary reasons (did she even give you real reasons?), or run at the first sign of trouble, then trust is broken. You will never really feel comfortable getting that close to her again because she has no issue with hurting you. Because if she runs away every time she's "in a bad place," then she's going to be doing a lot of running. You're going to get tired and frustrated. It's just not worth reconnecting with someone that can't put forth the effort.
She said her biggest turn off to the trip was that I was bringing weed. She gets on this kicks about quitting everything and being sober. Fuck I forgot a fact that's going to make me look like a huge cuck it's her birthday today. That probably has a huge reason to do with it.
She didn't have a problem having a drink at a restaurant with all her girlfriends. I saw on snapchat.
>She said her biggest turn off to the trip was that I was bringing weed. She gets on this kicks about quitting everything and being sober.
That's no reason to suddenly break things off with a person you're supposed to care about.
>She didn't have a problem having a drink at a restaurant with all her girlfriends. I saw on snapchat.
Ah, so she's going all out on a girl's night out.
Again, this sounds really fishy, especially if she wants to get back together in 30 days. A lot of people pull this crap when they want to sleep around but don't want to technically cheat. But at the end of the day, it's your call.
>I would really love to get back with her but, should I? Is it worth it? I love her
No. Absolutely not.
Your first instinct was correct, walk away from her.
>I love her
Take it from someone who has learned from about ten years worth mistakes than you have, you don't love her. The "love" you feel will vanish the moment you slide your cock into a new girl.
You're 19. You're 8 months in. That's nothing. This is the time of your life where you need to be meeting, dating, fucking a plethora of women.
She has made it abundantly clear that your "love" means nothing to her; she's willing to disregard her plans and obligations to you at a moments notice.
Anon, I've never understood "making it work" to someone you're not married to; if it's not working (and it clearly isn't) cut your losses, lose her number, and focus on yourself for a while.
Also I'm going to tell you something, something you may not know, something that doesn't even occur to most men: you don't have to "settle." You don't have to be in a relationship at all.
Let me give you a piece of advice I wish someone had given me at your age: be selfish. Be selfish as fuck. Every action you take needs to be 100% in your own self interest. It might seem a little extreme but consider that other than your family, the entire world views you as a resource and a provider, the only person who is going to do work for you, is you.
So no, it's definitely not worth it. Hook up with someone on your trip, maybe meet a few slags on OKC or PoF, add a few notches to your belt, and then do yourself a favor and forget about women for awhile.
Come on. Cut that shit out. Not worth the money, the potential consequences, or having the type of people that supply/indulge in your life.
Getting high is for people who have nothing going on in their lives.
>She didn't have a problem having a drink at a restaurant with all her girlfriends
She's fucking someone else or plans to. She just wants the 30 window to not technically cheat so she can come back to your emotional and financial support guilt free.
This. Anon, this whole relationshit is just going to be drama/rinse/repeat.
Ditch the bitch.
Anon are you bored? Or trashy? "We've been through a lot" obviously not if your relationship falls apart so easily.
Whatever it is you "went through" ask yourself this: would *you* have gone through it if she wasn't in your life?
Sounds like this bitch brings a lot of stress and aggravation into your life.
I'm not a fan of monogamy in general, but a relationship should offer more than drama and stories about what you've "been through."
You said it yourself: you can't even think of why you'd want to be with her.
Western women are raised from birth to be entitled to sociopathic levels. Most of them aren't even remotely wife material, this thought just never occurs to you because we aren't brought up to think of opting out of relationships entirely as an option, you're a provider, part of what defines you as a man is your ability to provide.
This used to be ok, back when women owed you obedience, affection, loyalty, and sexual exclusivity in return. That's no longer the case, but you never got the memo.
You're just an accessory to her. Her plan is to ride the cock carousel for a month then come back to you like nothing has happened.
Like I said, forget about this cunt, go stick your cock in something new, then get your mind of women for awhile. Read a book. Learn a language. Take a trip somewhere far away.
Anon if you want I'm happy to share my life experiences, my misadventures with women. Hell I can be your "sponsor" someone to call/talk to when you feel yourself slipping.
This woman is toxic for you.
You are on an anonymous message board after midnight trying to make sense of your life.
Fuck another girl. Then another. And another. Keep fucking them until your realize there's no such thing as "the one" and having a pussy doesn't make these bitches magical.
You should only consider committing to, be exclusive with a fucking unicorn of a woman, and more importantly you should be at peace with the idea of never meeting her.
"Those who do not move, cannot feel their chains."
I'm not trying to patronize you, but you're far too young to realize how much being in a relationship limits you.
Let me ask you something: what makes *you* happy? What are your dreams, what are your goals? What does your ideal you look like?
Come on nothing, don't even start, pic related.
Let me be clear. I don't mind sluts. If I can be said to have a type it's a feminist that walks the walk.
If you want to fuck around and pay your own way, that's fine.
What's not fine is women thinking they can whore around with impunity, then have some beta male pick up the tab on their battered, floppy pussy, and in all likelihood small menagerie of mixed children, just before they hit the wall, and hit it hard.
You can be a slut, you can be a lady. You cannot be both.
Your objection to the term and my mindset is a programmed response.
FFS OP's girl is literally "taking a break" so she can party and get passed around like a peace pipe for a month, then come back to the emotional security he provides, and that's supposed to be ok.
So to be clear, instead of standing by her man when things get dicey, she can always just "take a break" ride the carousel, and then come back to him, and he's supposed to be ok with it?
And you say I'M the asshole?
Well I say you need to wake up.
Sounds cool bro don't think I'll be going to sleep anytime soon.
She just seems to be doing everything she possibly can to hurt me, and I just don't get why.
Maybe it is because I don't have a lot going on for myself.
I've just been so caught up in the bud, her, and my shitty job.
she doesn't even have a job
We both stay with our parents
I just got eligible to get my license back. But I don't have a vehicle yet.
Plus insurance is gonna be crazy high
I think once I get some wheels I'll be better off
But me being happy? I don't fucking know man. I hate the way the world is run, I can't stand most people.
I think my best shot at happiness would be through God. I've always been somewhat connected but always felt like I wasn't worthy of him.
I don't know if you're spiritual but I am.
Fuck tell me some shit wiseman I'm really fucking listening
well... i kinda went back in a similar situation, but mostly i just wanted an easy lay, because honestly i just couldn't give a damn about her any more. not after that. and she even had the nerve to tell me i had cheated on her when we took time off fr
If you want to give me a throwaway email or something I'd be happy to converse regularly. Helping men realize their potential is kind of a hobby.
>She just seems to be doing everything she possibly can to hurt me, and I just don't get why.
It's called a "shit test" (google that for more info) basically she wants to see what she can get away with, and how you'll respond. She doesn't care about you. You're a resource to her, nothing more.
>Maybe it is because I don't have a lot going on for myself.
You're 19, of course you don't. It's also why you're clinging onto abstractions like "love" and "all you've been through" to justify staying with someone who is emotionally abusing you.
>I've just been so caught up in the bud, her, and my shitty job.
Everything except yourself, then?
>she doesn't even have a job
>We both stay with our parents
Ride that out as long as you can/until it gets weird. Save as much money as you can, occasionally invest in things that make you happy.
Are a means to an end but generally lead to more freedom. Just make sure you don't get caught in the trap of working so you can pay for gas to get to work. If your job doesn't pay you enough to allow you to build capital, find something better.
>But me being happy? I don't fucking know man.
Step one, ditch the bitch that's making you miserable.
>I hate the way the world is run, I can't stand most people.
Don't pay it a second thought, it's out of your hands. Find a small nugget of gold in this world of shit and cling to it. Find what makes you happy and build your life around it.
>I don't know if you're spiritual but I am.
My spiritual stance is complicated, in any case I'm not a priest, but what I've said already applies; if religion makes you happy go to Church. Get involved with the church's community. Call me crazy but if God is part of your life, I think church is a good place to meet likeminded people with similar values.
This should get you started.
I'll also tell you this: women are used to being able to control men with their pussy. If you make it clear to her that she's nothing special, that she's replaceable, it will drive her insane; women have a pathological need for male attention and approval and will do anything to get it.
Okay last physical time I saw her she dropped me off at my house the day we broke up after I stayed the night at her house. We kissed said I love you and she said she planned on coming back over soon. Few hours later she texts me she's not going
I called her she gave me her bullshit shpil
I was upset, asking questions like why, saying that this is fucked up and she shouldn't do this kinda shit to people. How much money i wasted and how she was breaking my heart. Isounded weak. I didn't cry or anything though
OK. This I can work with.
Cease all contact. She'll eventually start texting/calling. Don't respond. When she starts freaking out just tell her she made things very clear when it came to where you stood, and that you're not going to talk to her while she's freaking out.
Be in control. Make her seek your approval.
When she starts asking about you getting back together just tell her you're not interested, and stonewall her.
>Fuck what if I am interested
Well, then you're an idiot. You need to do one of two things with this girl, ditch her completely, or get in her head to mess with her and use her for sex.
I strongly, strongly, strongly suggest the former in your case because of how strong and *irrational* your feelings are.
From what you've described you're in/were in/depends on the day really, an unhealthy, codependent relationship. Again, when listing reasons for how you feel you talk about "what you've been through" and that you "love" her.
You don't mention how good a fuck she is, or the nice things she does for you, or how hard it gets when she looks you in the eyes while she's blowing you, how good her cooking is, or how fun she is to be around.
Love is bullshit. It's a hormone cocktail whose sole purpose is to override reason and self-interest in the pursuit of procreation. I've heard it can be a great thing when directed towards an exceptional person, and I'm open to that idea.
In many cases, and more importantly, *your* case, it's self-destructive in the extreme. Anon, you need to fuck someone else. You need to distance yourself from this girl long enough to see she isn't anything special.
ANYWAY, even if you are interested, you lie. The objective is to make her think she means nothing to you whether that's true or not.
I really should screen cap my text messages, so you can see the top of my list is nine women coming to ME for my attention, my approval, my affection, my dick... and one of my bros pestering me to go to a Raptors game.
I'm fit, charming, articulate, confident, and I treat women like shit. And they love me for it. They all know about each other. They all know I'm "not sure if I'm ready to settle down with you, or with anyone" but I give them all just enough hope that they're different. That they're special. That I'll choose them.
SPOILER: I never do, and in all likelihood I never will. At the very least I know my current harem is a collection of women who are, at best, friends with benefits. Most of them I have zero interest in beyond the physical.
And you know what? I'm happy. My daily grind is work/gym/vidya. Once or twice a month I go to some sort of event/party/festival, and then once a year I take a big trip to Asia or South America.
I live my life for myself, and it's great.
And then I contrast myself with these guys who bend over backwards for their (one) woman, whose defining traits are loyalty, compassion, self-sacrifice, who want to do anything for their girl, only to get repaid with shit tests and infidelity. Guys like you. Guys like me, before I knew better.
And I feel pity. Perhaps a bit of contempt. But mostly? I feel vindicated.
Anon if you want this girl, you're aiming really low. The world is bigger and more amazing than you think, and I'll just say this: 19 is way too young to even consider anything remotely monogamous.
You don't need her anon. Put her behind you. You're so focused on her, on the past, that you don't have the sense to turn around and look at all the potential down the road.
This bitch can dominate your life, and you can keep feeling the way you do now, or she can be, at best, a footnote in your amazing life to come. The choice is yours, and if you chose wrong, I've got no sympathy for you.
I've pointed you in the right direction anon.
This sounds creepily familiar to how I broke up with my girlfriend even the whole alcoholic sister thing. I dumped her because she's a horrible person and lied about everything. Now I'm with a black girl so things turned out great.
>I'm fit, charming, articulate, confident, and I treat women like shit.
Yes. You are all these things.
Yet you spend your time posting on 4chan.
We believe you, buddy. We believe you.