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Am I asexual or something?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 44
Thread images: 1
Okay so, I'm confused with myself.

I find women visually appealing. I masturbate while thinking of their bodies quite frequently. I like to touch their bodies too, and I'm not a virgin.
Now thats all well and good, but here's where my confusion sets in. Not once in my entire 3 year relationship (2.5 of which I lived with her) did I initiate sex. She was always dtf, and constantly threw herself at me, but most of the time I would turn her down. We would go months at a time without sex, and it didn't bother me. She on the other hand, would feel sad/unnatractive which I understand, so most of the times we had sex was just out of pity for her.
Undoubtedly, this led to us breaking up a few months back. I'm not looking to get her back or anything, I just wanna know what's wrong with me. I'm a 21 year old dude who had an endless supply of pussy and I didn't want it.

Am I asexual? Something else? Retarded? Thoughts?

Picture entirely unrelated
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Self bump
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I'd really like some insight on this.. It's been on my mind for weeks now.
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If you you masturbate regularly, find naked bodies sexually arousing and generally have sexual thoughts, you're not an asexual. Not wanting to fuck as often as others, or being disinterested in the act itself just means you have a low sexual drive.

There can be various reasons for why that is.
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>>16877349

Go at least 2 weeks without fapping. It might help. Also get tested for low T. It is not normal for a 21 year old man to not be dtf at least 3 times a week.
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>>>>16877430
I hadn't considered the possibility of just having a low drive. That may be it, but other experiences make me question that. Even if I had a low drive, I would still take the initiative sometimes right? But for me sex was always a chore, rather than something to enjoy.
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maybe you just didn't have any sexual chemistry with her? idk my dude. if you guys dated surely there must have been something there, but sometimes you can be attracted to someone without having sexual feelings for them.
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>>16877481
I'll get tested
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>>16877485
Whenever we did it, she was always really into it, and I would get her off. Her face would be red, she was sweaty, and breathing hard by the end of it. I didn't feel any excitement though. I just wanted her to feel good.
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>>16877485

Sexual chemistry? That is some chick shit that girls tell themselves. Men don't have that problem.
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>>16877500
Yo, I'm not even sure if I like sex but you sound full of shit lol
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>>16877496
have you ever faked an orgasm
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>>16877484
Maybe you honestly just prefer masturbating?
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>>16877668
No, I've never faked one. It takes me a long time to cum usually though. A few times I just didn't cum, because she finished already and I lost what little interest I had.
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>>16877681
That could be it. During the long periods between sex I would still masturbate almost daily.

I dunno man. I feel like I should have more of an interest in sex but I just don't.
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>>16877668
And actually, how does a man fake an orgasm?
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>>16877715
lying. that's how you do it
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it sounds like you might be asexual. there are asexuals with high libido who are attracted to whichever gender, just not interested in sex. libido does not equal sexual attraction.
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>>16877349

sounds to me like you just got bored. maybe she wasnt hot. maybe she was hot but wasnt your 'type'. maybe after six months you just got bored (which is normal with frequent sex) and after that you just thought that how it was towards the end was how it was all along
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>>16877500

i think ur wrong. sure we can be down to bang if someone seduces us a couple times, but men grow tired of their wives or even their gfs for a reason.

ive been fucking the same girl for six months and i have to concentrate on getting an erection for her. strangers get me off immediately.
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>>16878144
Hm, that very well may be a possibility, but I feel the same way about all women now. I was propositioned to have sex recently by a friend who I've had since high school. I turned her down too. I told her that I wasn't comfortable fucking her if I wasn't dating her, but that was a lie, both to her and myself.

I just honestly felt like it was a nuisance.
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>>16878198

maybe its porn? do you watch porn? andi f so how much? ive had times where i turned down sex with hotties cuz i know i got a nice video bookmarked.
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>>16878120
I never thought of libido and attraction as separate before. When put that way, you very well may be right.

I'm probably asexual.

Karma sure is a bitch. I used to believe that asexuals weren't actually a thing, and that it was just people who were scared of sex due to past trauma, or just resigned themselves to loneliness because they were unfuckable. And now here I am. Damn.
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Did you actually like her very much?
Sure doesn't sound like it.
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>>16878206
Hm, I honestly don't watch much porn. Whenever I do its usually just a girl by herself masturbating or showing off her body.
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>>16878214

interesting. you may just be some sort of less sexual person. how often DO you masturbate?

you seem to be an anomaly. my recommendation is just to do what you want. relationships end over a multitude of reasons, so dont be afraid to try one out just cuz ur worried you might not sex her enough.

im sure you can find agirl who just wants to bang infrequently anyways.
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>>16878214
>>16878222

but inversely, dont force yourself to date to feel normal. its okay to be single, god knows i love it.
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>>16878210
I loved her with all my heart. You're only getting a look into our sex life, but we were together for 3 years even with those issues. She was my best friend, we would spend everyday talking and playing games together. I never got tired of her and missed her when we were apart. I miss the warmth that she brought to me, and it still pains me that she's gone. I don't resent her at all for her decision. Sex is an important part of a relationship to most people. I wish it was for me too.
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>>16878222
>>16878226
I masturbate about once every two days. I'm not too worried about finding a relationship right now. I don't need one to be happy. I'm just trying to figure myself out, because I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not exactly the norm.

Getting into a relationship right now would just be irresponsible on my part, and both parties may get hurt for no reason.
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>>16878239

i can totally understand that. i never understood the concept of seeking out a relationship (or rather i did, but later realized it wasnt a healthy approach to relationships)

do you until you see a reason to do otherwise. good luck anon. its nice to finally talk to someone on here who isnt whiny as fuck
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>>16878248
Thanks man, I appreciate the help
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>>16878262

no problem mate. sleep easy. and maybe experiment with dudes. just sayian.
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>>16878270

Hm, I may be open to that. Maybe I'm a closeted fag and don't know it yet. But, I'll keep that closet closed for another day. I have enough shit on my mind as is.
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>>16877349
You sound like someone that may prefer masturbation over sex, and this will destroy any relationship you have until you get help. I wouldn't necessarily say it's low T, because even when my guy had low T (he looked like a woman before he got treatment), he was always horny and wanted sex. Issues came about occasionally where he couldn't hold an erection, but he still wanted sex regularly.
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>>16878281
I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'll never have a functional relationship. I'm very compassionate in other areas, and I'm sure there's other asexuals out there that feel as I do.

But honestly if I never find someone to be with, that's fine too. I'm fine on my own. For me, relationships are more of a want than a need.
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>>16878214
>Whenever I do its usually just a girl by herself masturbating or showing off her body.
Did you ever try asking your ex to do this for you?
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>>16878292
I did once, but she got really embarrassed and shy with me staring at her. She didn't like it because she said it was more like a performance rather than true intimacy. I understood that so I never asked that of her again.
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>>16878287

god i like you. i think relationships should only be a supplement to an existing happy life.
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>>16878310
Exactly. I feel that when people go into relationships expecting their problems to magically end, they're setting themselves up to fail from the start.
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>>16878337

id do you so hard right now
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>>16878287
>I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'll never have a functional relationship.
What I meant to say is: You'll have a rough time if you try to date people normally. But if you go online in search of asexuals, you may have some luck.
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>>16878367
I'd really rather you didn't
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>>16878367
Glad we agree on that though lol

>>16878374

I'll definitely try the online thing whenever I'm ready to try dating again. Wish me luck.
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I'd like to thank everyone who commented in this thread. It has really helped me. Getting different perspectives on my situation has cleared my mind a bit, and I appreciate that.
Thread replies: 44
Thread images: 1
Thread DB ID: 553865



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