List shay, I don't know what you want to talk about, but since you said that I should be curious about it and just wait, it makes me scared. Just know that I've had feelings for you ever since we starting becoming close. I love you. What ever you have to say to me is irrelevant to the fact that I will still care for you.
I woke up at 4AM yesterday morning and didn't get enough sleep last night to make up for it.
Everything should have gone fine today, but it didn't. Yesterday night I took my last midterm exam of the week and I'm finally done, but I knew I had to prepare a presentation for the next morning (today) after the midterm ended at 9PM. But then my morning class got cancelled because the TA caught the flu, and I found that out around midnight so thought I could sleep in. WRONG. My friend texts me from about 1-3AM bitching about her boyfriend giving her shit for having too much coursework to do, but she can't tell him off because it's his birthday soon or some shit, and then when I finally end the conversation with her and go to sleep, my mom wakes me up by screaming at my dad downstairs and then barges into my room at 8AM to ask me the specific reason my class today got cancelled. And then tells me to prepare my presentation anyway (for what fucking reason? Tomorrow is Saturday. Why the fuck not then?) And when is my next project for my other class? I should get started on that too. Bitch we just took the midterm for that class last NIGHT. The project isn't OUT yet. And then she tells me to do my presentation again at 11:30. And again at noon. And she's working from home today on phone conferences so I can't escape her unless I leave the house, but my dad took my car to work and my mom thinks I'll ruin her precious Prius or get a scratch on the almost-new minivan my dad usually drives.
I really need to move out. My house isn't even fucking close to my college campus.
Also my 25th birthday is coming up and I've fucking hated my birthday ever since I turned 19 and my life started going downhill. I think spring break is two weeks from now, and I'm not even looking forward to that because I need to work more hours at my job but I'm 90% sure my mom will want me to take four days off to go visit her family. I can't keep taking time off. It's a miracle I haven't been fired yet.
i havent spoken to my family for two months since i stopped going to school out of shame of failure...a pattern that occured when i was younger with my lack of focus on studies
i have had one night stands and could have more if i wanted but after getting out of a odd and shitty relationship with a japanese girl i met and with a previous ex before her having cheated on me,i just fail to see the point in dating
my confidence is literally zero and i consistently imagine myself getting old and then the black oblivion of death...the idea keeps me up at night scaring me,its been like this since i was a child.
i cant even talk to my friends as i lack any belief it would change a thing and this is after the ones i did talk too.
im in my early 20's and i have little work experience and no highschool diploma,things just keep costing more and i keep having less since i lost my job in a retail store
i apologize for the block of text but i had to say this all outloud
He had better not call me this weekend; I want nothing to do with him anymore. Sure, I'll be friendly toward him but other than that? He can fuck off for all I care. God help me if he rings up my number... I do not want a pity-call; if you call me, I want you to call me to apologize - or even further than that.
But on the other hand, if you're happy then I am happy; she is a lucky woman to have you in your life... and I cannot control who you love and I do not want to feel like you have to call, text, or even come and see me.. I really don't want to damage something that you have been working hard for.
Still, fuck you at the same time. I hope you're happy.
My gf has told me over and over that she would never cheat on me. She wants to move in and start a family with me. But every single day I have this crippling fear she's going to cheat on me. It's starting to tire me out having such negative thoughts all the time. Like I'm not good enough or I'll never become anything in life. I've also gotten so annoyed with every person i talk to, I don't even care about my friends anymore. All I care about is my gf, maybe that's why I'm terrified she's going to leave me like every gf I've ever cared about. They always just find another guy and end our relationship out of nowhere. I've been so down in the dumps lately. I just want to fucking curl up in a ball and cry
I told you my wife is it is town for the weekend. How about you invite yourself round? We can play board games. Or I could come visit you, just to say hi, you know. I miss your company. Don't be a stranger.
I have social anxiety, like assuming that even my best of friends are ignoring me if they don't text me back even though it probably means nothing, and it's really starting to bother me because I know I have nothing to be anxious over but I can't stop the thoughts
I get overly obsessed with girls. Like there will be one girl in my life n that becomes my whole world. I don't know why. I could never be a player or cheat. Even when the hottest babes come around I don't give a fuck it turns em on that I don't care , but in those moments I really don't care. So there is this girl got with her a few times. she fucked off came back she wants to be just friends but i'm in love. it pisses me off. We kinda had a falling out , maybe it's a good thing but how the fuck do I stop carin? I obessed about my high school gf for like five years before I was over it. still love her too . Fuck is there somthing wrong with me? the only cure is another girl but that's not a cure. Girls are just drugs for me they get me high and i'm so low. rocking it solo .It's just another thing to fill the void in my soul that we all have . fill it with drugs, food, smokes , booze , someone. Life seems pointless i feel like a rat in a cage in some lab experiment about addiction . We just do what our brains tell us no real point. just consumption, untill humanity consumes the whole galaxy . we are the black hole. we are the mold that eats away the bread. we are the fire that consumes and leaves a chard remain of what once was. we are the black hole. we are the end.
We're just going drinking so we'll do a few shots of absinthe and she'll be wasted. Fortunately we are young enough not to want to get a hotel in the country and drink champagne and we're not far enough into the dating process for it to be anything meaningful and romantic.
I'm 21 and she's 19 so a night of drinking is on the table and depending on how it goes, the next date can be a little more extravagant.
sorry for being distant, sorry our conversations are shorter, sorry for acting strange lately. i dont want to ever speak about my feelings for you again, so even when you bring it up i avoid it. but the feelings are always there.
Over the years, I've developed rules for blending in and hiding my powerlevel. A simple guide for social navigation.
I have autism, I am not a sociopath - however, I live like one. Every day is an act. A masquerade. I talk enough to avoid being the "creepy" quite guy, and not to much as to be obnoxious.
I say "hi" to people I vaguely know at work, I smile. I ask how their day is, we chat about the weather.
I wanted to be invisible. For a while, I was. I guess this "act" took on some life of it's own, and started to grow, though. For some reason, people remembered my name, even if they only heard it once. They'd always come to chat. I got "friends".
I didn't care about them, but I'm not a sociopath - I didn't care because I was simple playing a role.
Then, there are women... I know I'm creepy, I've heard it enough to give up on women in fact. I have specific rules for dealing with women. I see them as social land-mines, rather then people or potential partners. I tread lightly.
But again... the act continues to grow and take on a life of it's own. Women smile, sometimes stare, and shit I've had girls at work - whom I actively avoid because they look like "eww, creep"ers - wave at me and try to get my attention.
Shit, today, at work, there was a rumour that a co-worker had a crush on me. She never denied it. I smiled and said nothing, thrive in ambiguity.
Here's the problem... the act is taking on a life of it's own. Because, though I'm a robot, I'm still human, I can still get lonely, and I'm still a guy that is a sucker for a cute girl.
We had some agency workers in our place, last month.
One of them, I nicknamed "little Italy" in my head. She was stunning. Had a great smile, real friendly and polite. She, of course, moved from Italy, and small, hence the name.
Anyway, valentines day roles round, and she seems sad, complains it's the first valentines day she hadn't got flowers. My workplace is pretty red-pilled - one of the guys who heard her said "I don't really care, now you know how guys feel". I kek'd, however, my "normie" side felt bad for her.
Anyway, I found out a week or two later, that they weren't going to be working here much longer. She'd not long been in the country, probably didn't have any friends or anything. She always said hello, and would point it out if we were left alone - she seemed to like me, at least a little.
This is the bad part. I've always told myself, I'm a creep and there is no point tryin with women.
Her last day in, however, I spend the entire shift argueing with myself (in my head of course) on whether I should ask for her number. Try to get to know her...
The arguement went something like this; >I should ask her for her number. No, that's creepy. >So, she seems to like you - a few women do, actually... why you gonna let this hold you back. You're just telling me what I want to hear. >You saw the way she looked at you, it was like [girl from my past]. Yeah ended up being her friend listening to her complain about the guys she bangs. >She told you she loved you and tried to get with you. She also texted my two days later "Oh, btw I'm banging this other guy, hope you're okay with it". >Those weren't her exact words. Close enough. >just make a move or you'll be a virgin forever. I'm okay with being a virgin. > I give up.
My robot side won that time, but I fear the normification process is gettin' worse. One day my inner normie, may beat my... me. I'll end up doing something stupid.
My act, my mask is becoming me. Replacing me. Help.
I'm scared that as my boyfriend gets older he won't get erections as easily (not on a problematic level, I'm meaning more like getting a boner from kissing). That scares the shit out of me because if we ever make out and I don't feel a boner, I feel like I'll cry my eyes out and never want to get physical again
Also, I'm mentally unstable and it makes relationships super fun
why can't i get over her why did i do it should i go this summer should i go to the place where i met her? she may or may not be there even if she was amicable it would never again be the same never realized i was in my salad days until it was all over
Last night I had a 25 year old in my car and he told me he wanted to eat my pussy all night long. He meant it, too but I've heard that before. Im 45. A year ago I hooked up with a 25 year old and it was a disaster. Now every time he see me in the club he acts like I'm a fucking leper and makes a big show of leaving. It still hurts like hell.
>>16877173 We flirt all the time, he knows I like him, and I have no doubt he likes me back. Being open about it won't be a problem. I just don't want to be in the situation when we tell each other we have feelings but we have to stay friends, or start a long distance and potentially ruin a good relationship.
>>16877256 I am not afraid of telling him my feelings, it's just fucking pointless now, since he is not here and we can't do much about it. We could start a long distance relationship, which would go bad because LDR always go bad, ruining the chance of dating him when he will be here, or keep being friends as we are now, with some added awkwardness. When he will be back and we don't have to deal with distance, we will date. Right now, the best thing I can do is shut up and wait.
I believe the quality of art is objective, rather than 100% subjective, because it's unfair to creators who put passion into their work, only to be objectively equal to those who are trying to manipulate people to make money. This would lead me to believe that I'm empathetic--so why aren't most people concerned with the quality of a film, game, or album they listen to? Are they apathetic? Does that make them an asshole?
>>16877247 No no the life the guy last summer rejected the fuck out of me. He's the one still hurts to see him this kid last night also had a terrible childhood he told me about and Jesus I just can't deal with that even tho my childhood was so fucked up I can't even enjoy having anyone eat my pussy unless there's a mirror or a camera there.
How do you act like it's okay that your friend calls your girlfriend a slut, bitch, motherfucker, fatass, etc. ? You said if it were anyone else that you'd be pissed but because it's him it's "different". Even when I confronted you about how it was bothering me and I didn't want to see him anymore you instead defended him saying "that's just how he is. You know that. He's just joking as always. that's how he's always been" and "Get some thicker skin" Yeah. It is. It's really fucked me up. But I ignore it every time and I have for 4 years. I'm sick of it. Just because it's how he is it doesn't make it okay. His comments aren't even tasteful. When will you get it through your thick goddamn skull? He's a really shitty person who's done so many shitty things. You've even seen it first hand. Stop fucking defending him.
>>16877439 Why do you care? Telling someone to get rid of a best friend is like telling them to get rid of a trophy. It's the memories that are associated with them that are important, not who he is now.
>>16877446 I'm not telling him to get rid of the friend, rather that I just don't feel like being around him anymore. We have a shared friend group that hangs out at times. I understand that he has his own reasons for liking him. He just won't acknowledge the fact that this friend has done some extremely shitty things and always takes his side when an argument arises.
My bf can be emotionally abusive, but I think these days it's justified. I'm a waste, not as successful as him, the best I can be is a housewife, which I wouldn't mind if I lived where I knew people or could speak the language. Deep down I want to be successful and independent like him, so when we fight I wouldn't have to see his ego rise and telling me I'm nothing without him. We are such a good couple when we don't fight, now I barely love him or myself. I knew it was a bad idea to leave everything behind before meeting him, but then I had no future goals or a respectful life, I was desperate to be happy. It's just a bunch of self-loathing really, if I wanted to I could do anything, but because I get so insecure and lonely I can't seem to bring myself to finish anything.
I keep trying to distract myself and be happy and thankful for all I have, only the feeling of loneliness eats me away. Why can't I just be happy?
>>16876883 You're probably awkward. Spend time thinking about social interactions and how you could do better. Judge your success by the diminishing amount of times people call you weird/strange or give you funny looks, and those pauses where they're processing what you're saying because it was abnormal.
I am awkward as hell but I did this a lot, so now people view me me as mostly normal and just a little weird, instead of majorly awkward. You can get good at it if you practice.
Honestly, just hearing his name reminds me of our bad times and it hurts. I'm more happy when you just don't talk about him. I pray that he and his friend treats you right. If not I'll fuck them both up.
I hate my genes. I hate my body. I hate my blood. Why was I like this? Why wasn't I born of a better blood with better genes? Nature is literally telling me to kill myself along with nature's loud fucking messengers personified on these boards. Why do people hate me for things I did not choose? Why am I considered subhuman for things I did not choose?
I can't sleep. It's gotten so bad I don't know how long I can keep living. I can't focus, my eyes hurt, it's hard even posting something because I have to rewrite the same word at least 2 times before I get it right. My head feels weird, it's like someone has injected olive oil directly in my skull. Sometimes when I walk I stumble and end up hitting my leg against something. I cant fucking sleep. It's 04:21 right now and I should have fallen asleep 7(?) hours ago? I want to find and scrangle the people who make money by producing ''sleep music''. It's such a scam and a waste of my time. Relaxing music and ''binaural beats'' do nothing to help you fall asleep, it just makes me pissed because these videos have millions of views. These assholes are making money from that ad revenue. Then in the comments it's all ''wow, dis 1 helped me with insomnia, now I can sleep :DDD''. cuckc my shit up
Ask me out to a pub, let's get drunk, talk about video games & memes, make edgy jokes... and then I might suck you off in a months time? We can be the ultimate power couple, even. Everyone can die from cancer from our power level, just think about it.
>>16877672 Just be there for them, Anon. It sounds disgustingly cheesy but sometimes all people need is someone to be there for them, a shoulder to cry on or another being to talk to. Or some shit, they'll probably appreciate it more than they might admit.
>>16877669 I know how you feel, Anon, but don't give up. Keep trying and you'll find those kindred spirits eventually. It may be a long hard road, but it will be worth it.
Such is life, buddy. You're not the only one who isn't exactly happy with his genetic makeup. While I consider myself a cunt for quoting god damned Pokémon, I find it to be rather fitting: "The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are". It's true, what you do with your life and who you become are what matters, and it's your decision. You're not a monster, only human. But decide what kind of human you will be.
I've been suspended from school twice and am in constant fear that whenever I slip up and say something bad im out again. It sucks especially since i want to get into a good school. Does stuff like this really effect my chances of getting into a great school?
I'm as pale as chalk. I had to shave a chunk of my hair for surgery the other day, but can't let go of the rest, so I look ridiculous. I lost over 20kg since last July, and when I type I can't help staring at my wrists and wonder how do they not break. And now I can't talk to anyone because I was stupid and reacted angrily and ended up breaking my phone. I've never even been really angry before, but now I feel it all the time. Even if I could talk to people though, I feel embarrassed for being sick. Does that make any sense? Did you even see the last message I tried sending you here? I'll feel less lonely if you reply, though I understand if you don't. There isn't much to say about this, is there?
>>16877808 >But decide what kind of human you will be.
But what if I wanted to become great like the old masters? Like Octavian, Caesar, Alexander, Napoleon.. the type of human people admired? Yet I'll never be able to achieve that fully with my genetic makeup?
I looked at porn again. I've been trying not to because of moral and religious reasons. Not trying to start that discussion here, but now I have to tell my accountability partner, and I feel shame. Although I know that he will not judge me in the least bit, and will only help me through it, it's disappointing because he's on a three month porn-free streak, and I can barely make it four days.
I'm going home from college for the weekend and I'm paranoid that my friends are glad that I won't be around because they secretly hate me. There is nothing in reality to base this off of, it's just a depressing feeling that I get.
Some of my role models are younger than I am, and that feels super weird.
I'm not really into the girl that I thought I was. Excited to start over with some other girl, but nervous as heck about finding and pursuing one.
I bought a new harmonica and one of the holes doesn't work and that pissed me off more than it probably should have.
I hate country music, but I cannot get the song "Wagon Wheel" out of my head.
Dude Madison is like a free spirit man. She is from the wild. You can't cage her. Although she may have the traits that I find in the girls I want, she cannot be tied down. She could be great girlfriend material for me but she isn't down for that right now. She would rather date people close to her and around her than someone who's older and getting close to that getting serious part of his year. She's gonna date people who she likes attractively and I'm not attractive enough to "talk" to. Although i could wait. I'm not gonna. She's that cool ass friend dude. And it would kick ass if she really wanted to tie down but she ain't ready. I'm not either. Just gonna keep on keeping on.
I'm in love with a girl who cheated on me. Other girls don't cut it, just make me think of her, I can't go a single day without her invading my thoughts and it's affecting me as a person. I know I'm perpetuating my own problems but I can't seem to shake it, even with time or new people or new hobbies.
>>16877520 Rebecca. My first celebrity crush, the name of the short girl with the sexy boots I had a crush on at school, and obviously now Rebecca Black. Awesome name. Would name children Rebecca or cheat with girl of same name for no other reason. Becky, Becky, Becky.
A qt 3.14 is my lab partner and I'm stressing out about working with her because I am too infatuated to even focus on the assignment. Typically I do alright on work but I simply cannot focus. I don't want us both to suffer. She wanted to be my partner too, my only thoughts are she wants the D logically she probably thought that I seemed like a reliable partner since I was pretty good at a previous class we had together. What do I do? Poison the well or just do my best to not sperg?
>>16877530 >bf emotionally abusive >justified Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING justifies emotionally abusive behaviour. Take it from someone who spent over an hour on the phone yesterday to a national domestic violence hotline.
Married 4 years, have 3 year old son Marriage is lacking any sort of emotional attachment anymore. I love her still but, I just don't feel the emotional attraction. Not sure I ever really did, knocked her up and got,married.
The one person I do feel emotionally attached to is an old friend. We still talk, haven't seen each other in,over 7 years but she knows me,better than my own wife.
>>16878503 No, but doing it in a way that's manipulative and instills fear or feelings of worthlessness in the other person is. Saying shit like "you'll never do better than me", "no one will ever love you like I do", "no one could ever love you if you don't lose weight and get a job", or any variation of those/anything that sounds like that is emotionally abusive. The hardest thing about emotional abuse is that it's hard to pinpoint what actually is and isn't abusive if you've grown accustomed to it, because one minute the abuser can be all affectionate and loving, and then the next minute they're turning everything against you and suddenly it's all your fault. The majority of victims seem to think that the tiny bit of love the abuser gives out every now and then makes up for all the manipulation and lying and guilt tripping; which is why victims tend to stay so long, and which is why victims don't realize they're victims until the abusive behavior has already escalated.
Damn. I just realized how alone I truly am in the world. Judgemental friends that left me due to substance abuse. Girl who I like lives too far away to even try to go out with. And family that doesn't give a shit about me. I've fucked up my life too much and everyday just feels so empty. Despite living in one of the best places in the world, I can't escape failure and crippling pain. I'm giving it until June. .... that's when if nothing changes or can't get my life together then I'm ending it. This world was just never meant for an old soul like me to live in.
Mother fucking cock sucking thundercunt! I DO NOT need reminding of the fact I failed the Royal Navy medical exam due to being colour blind whilst I work my shitty retail job by an Ex-service man who proudly proclaimed: "The Navy was fun but I prefer the Civi life. Consider the colour blindness a blessing because everything happens for a reason."
I've been dealing with underlying depression as long as I can remember.
I remember threatening to kill myself with a kitchen knife at 8yrs old after a particularly viscious day of bullying.
I find that my thoughts often turn dark and invasive telling me how much of a fuck up i am and how i should just get it over with and kill myself.
The just repeat themselves over and over, sometimes I even speak them softly to myself when no one can hear.
I've tried to build a life, worked hard to get a job, keep myself clean, learned how to fake through my social anxiety and made friends.
I try do cool things, get in with the crowd, I've been told I'm funny before.
I was going to the gym, got fairly fit, didn't change shit.
All this shit seems fucking pointless, I'm getting nowhere, nothing is changing, everything is fucked.
Society is a piece of shit, I can't get ahead.
My job security is shit, my boss is some fucking baby boomer tyrant who obviously had everything dropped into his lap, yet treats me like shit and works me like a dog for minimum wage.
My coworkers are snitches and fuckheads, people I really don't give a shit about and have zero connection to. I swear they aren't even real people.
Love life, fucked.
Try to get laid but 99% of women I meet are trash, the nice ones I meet who actually seem to have half a fucking brain are only interested in some 6ft5 footy player fuck with no respect for anyone. I'm not fussy with looks either, I just want a nice girl.
I don't even think I'm that unattractive, maybe they can just sense I'm completely fucked in the head.
My parent know too, they can sense it. They don't now what to do though, I can't relate to them at all anyway.
My friends are ok, I'm pretty sure most of them are like me too in one way or another. I get jealous of some of them.
My relationship with them feels superficial as fuck though, I'm not even remotely close to anyone.
I wanna dump my girlfriend because she's codependent but I can't because I love her and I'm convinced that she's theo nly person who I have a deep connection with and that there isn't anyone else for me.
I have to have an MRI to see if I had a stroke, have a brain cyst, or have MS. I feel scared, not for myself exactly, but because I'm afraid I won't be able to do everything I planned on doing with my son. I was going to go hiking and kayaking with him, teach him to ride a horse, take him to museums and aquariums and the zoo. Now I'm worried that I won't be well enough to be able to give him the childhood I think he deserves.
I know I'm getting ahead of myself, it could very well be nothing that serious, and we just want to rule the worst cases out. But I've never felt fear like this before.
My neighbor has been harassing my family for years. We can't afford to move.
Stupid shit like her kids barking at my dog, her kids yelling "ew doo doo" when I pick up my dog's poop.
Claiming we shoveled leaves in front of her house (she doesn't understand WIND or TREES).
Shoveling stray cat poop in front of my door. Putting dead mice on my stoop. Etc.
It's finally escalated to us trying to find money to make a house repair to get rid of rats (that have lived up the street for ten years) that just moved under my stoop. In the week we've been making appointments and estimates with contractors, and exterminators, she's sent one of her 6 kids over every day with a threatening letter. She's called the city on us, called her landlord, stood outside my house with other neighbors calling us nasty and disgusting. Told her landlord she's scared to talk to us because we are a bunch of loonies. All day I hear her in her house yelling about us. I hear her outside my house talking about us.
We've already told her someone is coming to fix the problem, but I'm pretty fed up with the harassment .
Not to mention the years and years of waking up all hours of the night to her screaming, fighting, kids banging doors at 2am. Or the years of her keying my mother's car (can't prove it).
Or the disgusting garbage she puts out all the time (reason for rats. We don't put food garbage out until the morning the garbage men arrive). Her garbage rips all of the time and there is constantly loose weave pieces or chicken bones all over the sidewalk. So, that's what's bothering me. I have no way to get revenge on her. And I know the repair will be done in 2 days and she will still continue to create problems and harass us. I literally have no money to move. I just want to get revenge on her for making my life miserable, or to get her to move. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a way to do this.
>>16876290 >Girl seemed so into me, we had a moment in her car the second time we met. >Her and I talked in her car until past midnight then she kissed me quickly as we got kicked out of carpark and had to drive away in separate cars. >I was convinced something would have happened if we weren't interrupted. But I didn't feel too downluck about the interruption because I knew I'd be seeing her the next night at the thing she invited me to with her. >She invited me out. >She went off with another one of her friends while out. I didn't do anything bad from memory (wasnt too drunk). Felt like I was my normal self, the one she had seemed so interested in right off the bat. >She doesn't text me, and when I texted her to thank her for the night out etc, she took 12 hours to respond. >I saw her the other day she was distant and there was barely any signs of life in her expression when she said the few words she could be bothered saying to me the whole 2 hours we were there.
>>16878503 I'm actually very skinny and healthy(work out everyday), but the job part is true. >>16878536 I didn't see the signs in the beginning of the relationship, he is very controlling and can be mean, but I keep pushing that side of him away because he can be bitter-sweet. Last time we fought he ran his skull against the door and blamed me, he also ran with a scissor up to me and I'm afraid if one day these fights get out of control he will either kill me or himself.
>>16877661 nobody gives a good goddamn about whether you're ugly. most of everyone is ugly in some way, but no one gives a shit, when the uggos get older, not even THEY give a shit (personal experience) you'll get someone with enough effort and self-building
if you go around asking folks if they think you're hot, or try to beggar validation on 4chan in general, you're gonna get some shit answers. especially if you act like an asshole. nobody likes having the job of trying to placate someone's insecurities, why do you think husbands are all about avoiding "do i look fat?" it's stupid, get your own confidence. if you're truly, truly, like elephant man hideous, even you could score some points on the pity meter. if you're average, get a social hobby and get confident about yourself.
and never look for validation on the internet. you could be a 10/10 and people would still shit all over you, just don't.
You can achieve anything you put your mind to, Anon. All those great men and more, had challenges and obstacles to overcome to become as great as they did, and they weren't without faults of their own. You'll have your own unique set to deal with, but if you're willing to try, you can get past anything and do great things yourself. Genetic makeup be damned.
>>16879278 I'm opposite. I was never insecure about my looks, but also never was confident about my personality, not being assertive, funny, outgoing, "insecure about not being secure". All the time I force myself into being one of these things, figuratively speaking, "break out of my shell", it becomes extremely exhaustive, and I immediately start to be anxious.
>>16878971 >I didn't see the signs in the beginning The majority of people who stay long enough to become victims don't see the signs at the start, I sure as hell didn't either. Relationships like this almost always begin the same, with the abuser seeming perfect for the victim; they act affectionate and loving and there seems to be so many great things about them that attract their partner to them. Then they slowly but surely start being manipulative and controlling, often having outbursts of anger and jealousy, before going back to sweet and loving. It's the "sweet and loving" that confuses the victim, like "he gets so angry sometimes but his affection makes up for it". Next thing you know, the bad is outweighing the good and the "sweet and loving" moments are becoming less and less, until they're almost nonexistent, while the fights are more frequent and more intense with every occurrence.
>last time we fought >ran his skull against the wall >blamed me Classic manipulation and threatening/conditioning behavior. This is his way of showing you not to make him angry, otherwise he'll hurt himself, which is of course your fault (it's not, he's just trying to make you believe that). The more he does this and the more you allow it, the more used to it you'll become, until finally, every time you start fighting, you'll be too afraid to say anything back/argue or stand up to him for fear that he'll hurt himself or hurt you. He's literally training and conditioning you to not fight with him. Soon it'll be to not stand up for yourself, to not say how you feel, because if you then it'll make him angry. Even subconsciously, you'll be afraid to do any of those things, and more, for fear that he'll get angry, and eventually hurt himself or hurt you.
Think of it like training a dog. Every time the dog does what you want, you give it a treat (every time you do what your bf wants, he'll show you love and affection or kindness or whatever he does that will make you feel good). Every time the dog does something naughty or doesn't do what you want it to do, you tell it to go in the kennel/smack it/withhold the treats (every time you fight or say something your bf doesn't like, he'll threaten himself or you, ignore you, withhold affection/sex/kindness, or even physically hurt you). It's exactly the same principle. Eventually, it'll get to the point where he's conditioned you to believe that anything you say can and most likely will make him angry and make him lose his temper.
That's just one example and one case of abusive behavior, and I can assure you that if that's happening, then there's other abusive behaviors happening too, you're probably not even aware of some of them. I can relate so much to it because I went through it too, and trust me, it WILL only get worse. You deserve better.
If you're afraid that one day he will hurt himself or worse, hurt you, then you NEED to get out now for your own safety. If you're afraid that he'll kill you, you NEED to get out even more urgently.
No one should ever have to go through and try to deal with what you're going through. It can and already is doing enough damage to your mental health, don't let him physically hurt you too.
Call a close, trusted friend or family member and get them to help you, call the cops or a domestic violence hotline; they're there to help and can and will help you, all you need to do is ask for it.
>>16879664 >>16879667 I know and understand your concern too well, I knew many people who had these relationships, but I never thought I'd be in one like this. His previous ex girlfriends went crazy because of him and I didn't think much of it until it started happening.
Like I said, it's my own fears stopping me of being alone and I'm too co-dependent. He made sure that I felt great, until I do something he doesn't like. Once I was wearing something he didn't like (not even revealing, just regular clothes) and because I didn't want to change he cut apart his shoes and shirt, went inside his room and pushed the door as hard as he could. That was the first time it happened. He had a bad past too so I can't entirely blame him, though it doesn't make his actions okay. Right now I'm home and my mother even tells me I should be careful. I haven't slept in a while, every time I'm in a call with him he threatens to leave me or block me if I don't do what he says. (Few months ago he said he'd change and it was good while it lasted).
But I had this talk for over a year, I'm too much of a shitbag to know what's good for me. Heck, I think I've been mean to him many times too, I don't want to play the victim, I don't want to be seen as weak, neither by my family, friends or him. It's all just happening so fast, each week, each day there is some new issue created and I can't rest. I feel like a retard, but I know what you are saying and you are right. It's just my fears controlling me right now.
Fuck you. you stupid dumb cunt bitch. You threw it away like it was worthless. Like i'm worthless. i fucking hate you so much. You don't deserve me, even as a friend. You don't get how much you hurt me . neither do you care at all. I never got mad at you . well now i'm mad . Way to just fucking use me . I hate how worthless you make me feel.
>>16879726 I'm not trying to pull in clubs. I'm just there because I am trying to work on social anxiety and keeping boundaries. Also, I'm a musician. You keep trying to use my age against me but in reality it works for me. I'm proud of my age. I look good. And 4chan is very fascinating to me.
Again, do you have any other insult to use other than to imply that I am ugly/undesirable?
>In a committed relationship >go for exchange studies >go 99% of the way to cheating but always chicken out in the end >literally standing in the doorway of a hotel room 5min ago "I'm gonna go home, sorry I can't do this"
Will someone fucking slap some sense into me, I can't keep doing this. Someone lay it out for me. What do I need to do
>be 18 >really like this girl in other class >felt like I had something going >haven't talked to her in forever >try too much get-girl advice (smiling-with-your-eyes stuff) >afraid I'm going to fast >now feels like I fucked up
>Almost 19 >Kissless dateless virgin >Peers surpass me in most everything >Dad died recently >shit Job complete w awful boss >struggling not to push away my only friends by talking about how I feel >Continue to make things worse for myself
Guys if you read this please don't think less of me for it
>>16879746 Nobody really cares you old bint, the sole fact that at a ripe age of 45 you moam about 25 yo is laughable and proves that your life isn't that great. You being on 4chan at that age is pretty pathetic too, but there are many oldfags out there so whatever. But seeing old cougar chasing young guys is pitiful, and your feeble attempts to convince us and yourself that you cunt and/or ass are as good or better as young qt's ass & cunt are annoying as fuck.
>>16879808 I fucking hate a bitch is what happened. I'm so angery i can't even get into it. I'm just anger because I know i'm gunna feel worthless for a long time. Hate is consuming me. Suicide soon . I'm always down . I'm always depressed. When ever I get happy I crash. It's like building a tower of happiness that always falls.
I recently found out some fucking dark secrets about my divorced mom, thanks to her forgotting to use Incognito mode in her cellphone and her whole web history showing up in the family PC.
Besides the shitloads of porn (zero fetishes, thank fucking god), I found that she basically lent 10000 bucks to a single guy that was boning her 2 years ago, they broke up, and the guy still hasnt paid her back yet. Its jarring as fuck because were poor as fuck and in a 3rd World country where I only make 1000 a month, and my brother cant go to college because we dont have money until I find a better job.
To top that shit off, two of her Google searches were "sex with little girls" and "sex with little whores". Im disgusted as fuck with her.
Fuck you, mom. You have a shitload of things to do to compensate your actions. I will be there to support you, but still, fuck you.
>play mmo >get into an e-lationship >get married in-game >this goes on for over a year >got bored of mmo >delete character, unsubbed and uninstalled >didnt say goodbye to him what do i do to get over this shit?
>>16878577 Yes, that was it. I'm having connection difficulties, because my room is too far from administration, so I can't post much. I will get a new phone next time my father visits though. I'll contact you soon.
I'm fucking fuming. People refuse to listen to arguments and are picking apart a project I'm working on over trivial bullshit. I've worked well over a month on this particular project, I know what I am talking about and their claims are complete bullshit. These asshats just keep going on and on with their negative retardation and it is making the project look bad. The thing is, they had time to air their concerns a while ago; however, they fucked up their own project so they did not have time to give feedback on ours. Now they are using that to backstab us; if they had voiced their concerns during the feedback period, we could have handled it easily. Now we do not have the time to demonstrate why their concerns are goddamn bullshit.
Probably vague as fuck, but people think I am getting too mad about this. They are absolutely right, I can't handle this level of fucking incompetence. I really need to vent. Bloody hell.
I don't know why, though. I just want to get a normal, regular job.
I know trades earn you a shit ton and are better than college nowadays, but I'm kinda scared I'll turn into a Joe Schmoe or some regular lower-class guy, despite the fact that I'm a 24 year old NEET constantly looking for a better job than my shitty 12 hours a week dishwashing gig.
>>16880197 Do you know what you accomplish all day sitting in a cubicle? You accomplish fuck all. And you learn next to no skills that will help you in the rest of your life.
Someone that can wire or plumb their house is more useful than your average fuckface CS major who's employed for a good company. (You don't even have to know how to communicate with people or know how to do your job as a CS person.)
>>16880204 Your cat gonna be fine with that? At least you'll get ESFP into your house easier.
A girl who I've been friends with for a year suddenly started ignoring my messages a couple weeks ago, and in person she barely said a word to me and acted in a passive-aggressive manner. Several days later she began to say hi to but didn't want to chat even on our birthdays. I can tell I've done something (no idea what) to upset her or change her opinion of me but she tells me everything's alright. Now I'm starting to hate her for it, for acting around me as though I was her ex, or some bullshit.
This was so unexpected, as she always seemed to tolerate my caustic sense of humour. I won't lie that I miss her company and that I like her, but her recent behaviour just doesn't sit right with me. Maybe it's a good thing not to speak to her. She might even come to value me as a person more, when she realizes some of the other people she messages are, well, complete tools.
I am a sociopath and what bothers me is that there doesn't seem to be any ways to use my sociopathy to my advantage. Whenever I hear about the ''disorder'' people are saying how it magically makes you charismatic and makes you successful in business. It's not quite like that. I have not benefited that much from having it. I wish I could be some kind of a CEO who he can make the decisions that no normal person could make, but there's no way I could ever be some kind of a CEO. You have to be born in a rich family and have them put you trough the best schools. I never had that. I had to do everything by myself.
>was in a car crash on Monday >air bag knocked me out cold >can't remember anything up until yesterday save for muttering to one of the emt's and looking at the popped air bag >had awful dreams last night >people in a war, eating each other, parts of their bodies falling off, green from gangrene, picking them up and eating them >smiling at me as they did it >it just kept playing over and over >soldiers with tattered wrappings around their shins and pitted brodie helmets smiling and dying over and over again >one got shot in the eye and looked over at me with his mouth agape >the other eye wasn't there, but it hadn't been shot >another showed me the tips of his fingers and they were green and swollen from the rot, they looked like wax >his fingernails were clean >that was what scared me the most
>>16880444 I've had benefits. I've been able to convince professors to change my grades a half-letter, convince people to give me free shit, have no problem making friends, I'm a convincing liar so can evoke sympathy and favors from people... There are a ton of advantages. Maybe you just aren't actually a sociopath. Or maybe I'm actually a psychopath, but I'd rather not think that.
I do find that my worst enemy is myself though. Being this way has made me lazy because I have realized I don't have to work even half as hard as other people to achieve the same things, so sometimes I just don't even try at all.
Last night was weird. Last night a friend of mine, who I'm gonna call K, and I went to the coffee shop that holds and open mic each week. I've been doing this for a few months as often as I can now. K recently started coming with. K is a fantastic musician and I can sing well enough to do the songs we wanna do. We got there and two girls called out my name just before we walked into the door. They were the younger sisters of my best friend in the world. They're 15 or 16 and they asked If I was going to play one of the songs that I've a reputation with. Business Time by Flight of the Conchords to be specific. My act is playing some of their music and occasionally a more serious one. The main reason I do those, is that I always feel really silly doing the tortured artist routine that almost everyone there does. I just can't take myself seriously enough to do that. K knew the songs and we were going to play them when we were called up. Like I said earlier, most people do some sad shit that is supposed to move you and make you cry. Which I have no problem with. If it makes them feel better to bare their souls up there in front of a small crowd of 20-25 people, fucking let them. It gets old for me though. At first it's really great but eventually, it all just sounds like and Old Gray CD. K and I went to the side in the other room where it was much noisier to tune the guitar and rehearse. After a few minutes, one of the regular poets, a heavy set Jewish (and I know for a fact that he's a Jew) fella with glasses stomped in making all kinds of racket grabbed the neck of the guitar in K's hands, pushed it down, got in his face, and told him if he's going to play, he needs to do it outside. K's comparable in size to this fella, just a little bit taller and just as big as the Jewish poet. And he can have a little bit of a temper, especially when people act like an asshole. The Jewish fella stomps back marches to the microphone.
>>16880833 The guy running the show kinda gave him a grandiose entrance. He mentioned how he's a great poet, he had a book for sale and that he just got us to stop playing. Next to me was K, insulting everything about the guy. Mainly making speculation about his dick size and lack of talent. The later of which wasn't entirely untrue. I know this, because someone there mentioned to us that he's been pissy all night because no one wanted to buy his book and no one payed attention to his poetry. I think if he'd step way from such a baroque style of writing, he'd be a lot easier to listen to. Less symbolism, maybe wrote about something, not just assembling a bunch of really pretty words. Almost positive some of them aren't even real words. But I'm not huge into poetry so, what do I know? K thought it was funny that no one was interested in his art and cooled off. We did our songs and kinda hung around a little longer. The Jewish fella who I probably could've come up with a letter to reference him but I'm too far into bother with, left maybe a minute of two after we preformed. Most of the room thought our songs were great. I'm never sure if it's because those song are actually funny, or the stark contrast of tone in the material. I like to think it's a little of both personally. When we stepped up to the microphone, K was a still a little bitter about the incident from earlier. He spoke into the second microphone and referred to himself as the douche bag with the guitar and said that he wanted to apologize. I'm still not entirely sold on the idea that anyone could really hear us. But I guess if that guy heard us, we must have been. We played our stuff and walked off. Got a pretty big applause too. at least compared to the applause that I normally get. There was a group of girls that had shown up that I's never seen. Or at least couldn't remember. One of which was kinda tall. I'm about 5'10 and she was almost eye level to me.
>>16880840 She had shoulder length, thick curly hair, brown eyes, really cute. She shot me a few glances so I figured I might be able to talk to her. I spent a big part of the evening trying to come up with a reason to approach them. But mainly her. I figured the best time to do so would be after we played. I could ask for advice on whether or not the second song, the new one, was any good. I spent a lot of time looking at her whenever we played, which could've come off so many different ways since one of them is about really bad sex. K wanted to get rid of the guitar and put it back in his car. We got done and I couldn't find her after we put the guitar up. So I kicked myself in the butt for not saying something sooner. When the whole thing ended, we ran into the group of girls including her. I asked a few questions about the songs. The y gave some feedback, mainly that it was funny. Then I asked for her snap. She kinda looked surprised but wasn't too hesitant to add me. And neither were her friends. They also added K. He knew that I had my sights set on the tall one so he didn't impose. I've learned that it's WAY easier to ask for their snap instead of their number. It's less forward, but it gives her a safety net in case I turn out to be creepy as hell. All she has to do is delete me. we sent each other a few snaps last night and then a few today. Of course the one's today were with her boyfriend. Creepy looking mother fucker, short, pudgy, glasses. I got enough of my dad in me that I had to look her up on multiple forms of social media and figure out who this bridge troll looking fella was. At least I didn't have anything invested in her. So it's more or less just a bummer.
My depressed friend almost killed himself because a mutual friend verbally and emotionally abused him when he was already clearly on edge. After days and many many hours of me trying to get him and this other female friend in our small social group to cut ties with him, they both suddenly reconsile and are cool with him now. He is not apologetic. He will not change. He has already shown signs he will relapse to hurting you again. How many fucking excuses are you going to make for him? Im tired of hearing you blame yourself. Fuck it, im done you guys. I yell at you for this shit and you get mad at me?! For trying to stop the cycle of abuse!? You dumb bitch fuck your middle ground bullshit, youre enabling his self hatred! Youre both fucking idiots. I fucking loved you guys. I didnt want to leave. I fucking loved you guys....
>>16880792 I don't see getting better grades, getting people to give you shit and being good at making new friends as advantages. It's not that important and doesn't give you much of an advantage over ''normal people''. You're simply overestimating the influence you have on other people.
You have had a negative impact on my life that is too big for me to even acknowledge fully to myself. The only thing I have to cling to is that you and you alone started all this bullshit and you know it. I think it's funny that you must have been around for a long time and never once did I even notice you. And even if I had noticed you I wouldn't have thought about you twice because you're not my type at all for about a hundred reasons. But I guess you knew that so of course you had to come up and start talking shit to me. Fuck you forever for that. Fuck you for being such a fucking whore. Fuck you for being so sad. Fuck you for making me care about you when I know you're no good. Fuck you for making me feel bad. Fuck you for ruining me. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
I'm so bothered by the mixed messages you send me, not long ago we had a falling out and you never wanted to talk to me again, then you immediately told me you love me, then everything got back to normal, then the other night you were saying all sorts of things to me online that were a mix of talking shit and flirting. So, I'm gonna make a move next time I see you
>I am incredibly insecure and have anxiety issues >I have a horrible self image and hate my body but also have an irrational fear of exercise >I got a gf recently but that has only made things worse and hurt my confidence
thank you, allen for keeping me safe.. you knew by my face that i didn't want that fat, smelly fuck next to me because the minute he climbed into the seat he tried to cuddle into me.. you may be a bitch who leads on women and expect attention when your SO isn't around, but you're still my hero.
>What's bothering you? The amount of whiny faggots on this board who flood it with topics like "Hurr-Durr don't have a gf" and other relationship advice bullshit. I go on this board looking for neat little life tips, not whiny love stories like I'm in fucking middle school.
My birthday is coming up in a week. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Yes, I've been clinically diagnosed. I've been pretty damn stable recently, or at least I've been really good about keeping all my dumb bullshit to myself. I put on a happy facade all day every day, but once I get home from work I simply feel empty. I keep occupied, but I really don't have anything to show for my life and I'm trying to change that. I've ruined many friendships and relationships due to haphazard behavior in the past, and it really eats away at me. I never meant to become the type of person I despise. I stay alive only because I couldn't handle how the very small group of friends and family would handle me being gone. I've become somewhat alright with being alone for the rest of my life because I'm apparently hideous. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore. My life hurts, but I suppose it could be much, much worse. I guess I'm grateful for that at least.
It bothers me how useless I am. There's no point in even attempting self improvement because I'll just give up or get distracted. Even if I did get in better shape or get skilled at some hobby, so what? I'm still a shitty non person, and everything is pointless anyways.
Okay, gonna just let my over thinking out so I can sleep. It's weird how it feels like some of his co-workers act like they want us to get together. Like... They know something I don't. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way his face distorted the night he saw me give my cook "bf" his phone back, and how I swore I could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins and I wanted the earth to swallow me whole.
It's stupid, the things I notice. Sly looks from others when we talk. Whispers about him, and sometimes, I swear about me. But I'm only a customer. I don't know. I feel differently about this one. Like... This is it. I'll never fall for anyone unless it's him? It's strange.
When he met me the first time, he was so charming, and I felt some connection. And we kept coming back. He freed out my drinks and called me by name. I smiled and blushed and acted foolish and embarrassingly so. And even if we didn't sit in his section, he always found a way to say hello to me, and still does to this day.
And now, the more I look back on it, the more I realize how he might feel, awkward and scared. How can he possibly get me when he'd get fired for trying? How can I possibly still like him after all this time? There's only one thing- he likes me, and he's tried to make it obvious, and I've failed, and we're both stuck in the horrible limbo of wanting to get over it but being unable.
It's surreal, someone so beautiful like him feeling any fraction of something for a girl like me. And the more I try to convince myself he certainly has terrible flaws, the more I grow to like him.
Im 18, My mom is pissed at me because i think abortion is alright (im a guy btw) and it is a choice and she she is religious af and shoved religion down my throat as a kid and now she said tonight "what happened to the kid i used to know and love" and "i thought i raised you better, you cant just think killing is ok" and these words hurt coming from your mother but i dont know what to do, please help. She will get over it but i cant say sorry i do respect her for being faithful but i cant see a problem in abortion. Help
It's not the fact that she send the nudes, it's that I didn't get any I feel like a failure, I feel like I have no game I feel like I gave up and everything I did was pointless Worst of all, I feel selfish Everything I received I deserve because I was selfish (50%) I'm ready to admit defeat I was bested by someone more present than I was I was trying to make a failed plan work I only half listened I only did this so I would make dumb mistakes in a safe environment But now I wish I made these mistakes earlier Then I realize, if I made those same mistakes earlier, I wouldn't have learned as well Now I realize I'm wishing that my life went to shit earlier so I would've gotten a girl I should've been texting tho I had my foot half in the entire time I actually didn't care At the end of the day it doesn't matter because anything I tried to do, I did I seriously doubt I could've done it better considering what I was up against I think the worst part of all is that I thought she felt as intensely about me as I did about her
>>16881737 No reason exist to argue with your mother. Grow the fuck up and stop trying to push her buttons, then amount to something and move out of the house. Your logical goal as an adult is ADVANTAGE. No point exists in arguing about shit like abortion or other IRRELEVANT issues when you are living at home. Learn to shut up. Mind your own business and prepare to go out into the world and make a living. You have no reason to argue the abortion issue and you have no reason to give a shit what your mother thinks therefore no reason for butthurt when she doesn't agree with you.
>>16876290 I want to be more intimate with my girlfriend but she's kind of shy and has trouble showing any affection in public. I'm kind of worried, as she says she feels uncomfortable holding hands and such, but I saw her holding hands with her last boyfriend? So it makes me think like, does she just not feel comfortable around me? Is she really that shy or was she just not trying to hurt my feelings? I really like her and I know she really likes me but I don't know this has been hitting me hard. I don't know if I should expect any actual help but it's just something I had to get out somewhere.
Fears over being alone for the rest of my life as I've moved halfway around the world to a small city where I have about 3 good friends despite having lived here for the last two years and a half to study in a program so small that the average graduating class is about 15 odd people who I still can't really interact with outside of class because of differences in age, lifestyle and pre-existing friendships. I also have no way to get reliable transportation anywhere so when I was finally able to go out meetup with people I found that in my area the only people that share similar interests to me are about twice my age. At least they didn't treat me like a kid.
>>16881846 I'm sorry to hear that man, I don't think my girlfriend is the kind of person to do that though. But I've been doing the exact thing, taking it slow, promising not push her to do anything she doesn't want, maybe I'll be a little more assertive. I really like her a lot and I know she would never do anything like that to me, but I don't want to lose her. Anyway, I am really sorry to hear that man, it's a shame that she'd play you like that.
>>16876290 I know that I have some serious issues and that I should seek help, but I can't imagine how counseling would help me so I don't even try it. And even that is bullshit, I just want to sink deeper and deeper into despair so I can finally end my life. Life is a pain and I can't deal with it, not only do I not deserve to live or consume any more resources on this earth, I'm also simply too afraid of failure to even try. I just want it all to end. I know all these things yet I can't help myself, I'm pathetic.
>>16881937 Oh, I know that one. You actually have a mental illness and nobody is telling you. They're treating you extra carefully because they think that you can't comprehend it or deal with it. Tell them that you already know, it'll make things easier.
>>16881823 I've been seeing this guy and hoping it will become a real relationship and have to admit I have intimacy issues, although I want to hold his hand publicly, I'm afraid of his ultimate rejection of my affection and this holds me back from being more open, I had issues in the past that bother me, although because I've fallen for him more than anyone else before, I feel more vulnerable
I wish people would shut the fuck up about the American election. I wish they would know that they're doing mindless shilling using only memes.
I know this sounds /pol/ tier, but I don't care which side it's coming from. I go on Facebook to keep up with my long distance friends, but the constant bombardment of recent political bullshit is causing huge bitterness between everybody. Mostly the Bernie/anti-Trump faggots. Every single day is a fresh wave of garbage "Got em" ad-hominems with nothing to back it up their claims.
Yes, I support Trump, but if people on my side of the argument were posting this shit I would tell them off too. If I say anything positive about Trump or counter their bullshit with my own, they'll think they're right no matter how many facts are presented to them or just get enraged that I'm giving them a taste of their own medicine.
You can't shut any body up with facts, and I'm a shameful addict to the internet. I need to stop my compulsive internet use or at least stop using the website (And many others) until the election is over.
I recently asked out the girl I like. In response I was rejected, but in the form of an *it's not you it's me* message. I felt down for a few days, and have had many conflicting thoughts. Last night I dreamed about her. Goddammit not again. This is the fourth time i've woken up covered in sweat, but the first time I've ever wished to live inside a dream, just to be alone with her. I can say i've tried, and i'll try only once more at a specific time. I can even give the date. Look at how sad I am. 24th June. Ffs I can't wait for that day to come, and I just want to be free from all the bullshit of college.
I have had sort-of-friend for over a year. At first I had thought that maybe it's flirting - quickly I understood that's just a good friendship. Since then, I've talked with him daily. His intellect made me less confident and opened a lot of possibilites in my small word. However, recently he stopped writing or talking to me. I have this feeling, like I won't be able to be on close terms with someone so wise.
>>16876290 I was in friendship with really smart person for over a year. His intellect made me less confident and opened a lot of possibilities in my word. However, recently he stopped talking or writing to me. I have this feeling like I won't be able to be on good terms with someone so wise anymore. Uhhhh.
I can't tell if my cousin is flirting with me or just thinks it's safe to make risque jokes with me. She keeps saying things like "I'm into weird shit" and saying things like "Stick it in" and "Just jam it in there" when they don't really apply.
I'm not into the weird shit myself, so how do I broach the subject of telling her to stop if I'm not even sure she's intending them in the first place?
I feel like when it comes to girs my issue is holding back at decisive moments. Like, I could take initiaitive and kiss them or make moves to have secks, but something inside me just won't... make it happen. I think I have this mindset of waitign almost. I dunno. I dont like it, it's frustrating because I loose my chance with a girl, and I can trace it back to a decision I made to nt pursue her. I no like.
I signed up for an exam. I was supposed to study all summer but I got lazy. I'm gonna go so my parents think I did study but I'm not gonna enter the room. I'm gonna wait a while and come back home and tell my parents I failed unfairly. This is bothering me a lot. It's an exam I really can't afford to fail. But if I fail I get a really bad grade for my average so it's better to not do it. I can't tell my parents I didn't study. But I was too depressd throughout summer (nobody knows though) so fuck it.
a girl I've been texting called over to us for a bit after work
she was sitting next to me, kinda lightly brushing off my leg and stuff
After a wile she left
As she was leaving I thought, "I should go walk her to the door, maybe we can kiss or somethign" then I thought "na, I'll see her later sure... and maybe she won't like that, maybe it'd be too forward"
so I just sat there and wached her leave
Didn't really dawn on me how absolutely stupid I was until a few days later
It's been haunting me for the last week. I feel like an impotent peice of shit.
I've been texting her all the while then, she still seems interested... but I dunno. Then I worry that I may be contacting her TOO much, or in the wrong way or soemthign. I don't know.
I know all this confusion and headfuck is the exact opposite of what attracts a girl to someone but I really can't help it. I don't girls often.
>>16883285 She most likely is over you if you ended it, because when you leave such an intense relationship and you are left on your own again after so long, you have a self-awakening.
My girlfriend left me when I got incredibly mentally sick but I totally understand why she left me. She had every right to give up, not everybody can have the strength to watch as you lose the love to who you thought was your life to a mental illness.
I'm getting better now though, definitely a lot more understanding than I used to be.
But anyway op, if you love her then you will be okay as long as she's happy and safe. I'd say talk to her, but if you really really hurt her, then leave her alone. If she wanted you to leave her alone, leave her alone. If some part of you felt like you need to, please leave her alone and if she wants to talk to you, she will, but don't have any expectations. It takes time for a lot of things to mend and for new thoughts to grow about certain past situations so keep that in mind.
>>16883310 She's the one who broke up with me. When we broke up she gave me some reasons that were her reasons, but didn't seem like it was entirely true. We were together for 6 years, and from where I'm at it feels as though it didn't mean much to her, which is probably just me being insecure.
I get that it takes time, but not being able to do anything but feel all the negative feelings is almost unbearable. I've been keeping busy, but this weekend for someone it hit me like a truck and I'm feeling incredibly lonely and missing her.
>>16883419 Philosophy of mind and its implications for theism/naturalism have been particularly bothersome lately. I am terrified that the Christian worldview may be correct and that I am heading for infinite torment. Also, I worry that even if I accept Christianity, it will be for the wrong subconscious reasons, and God will know and still send me to hell.
For a while I thought I had DP/DR, but I think I just have OCD now. I'm scared anons. I just want a little bit of love.
Last night I had a dream where my teacher oneitis was nice to me (usually she is mad at me or dissapointed in me in my dreams), and I woke up, realized it was fake, and felt like crying.
Most mornings the first thing I think about is either her, or hell, and either one makes me feel bad.
What is the chance God is real? I'm scared anons. Also, I found out my teacher is a Christian when I had coffee with her, and that makes me want to examine it more closely and perhaps become one.
I am so scared anons. I was abused, physically and otherwise, as a child and I feel so bad in my chest most of the time. I usually just want it to stop. I wish I could be a happy normie ;_;
I think about all the suffering in the world, and how it all has no inherent point, and I just break down. The incomprehensible amounts of suffering through the eras. ;_;
So I was waiting for the bus right, and this older woman pulled up in her car and I noticed a young man in her passenger seat. Like holy fuck she fed him and GAVE him a gold watch. Like wtf, must be a sugar momma, what exactly did I witness?
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