As for my opinion without knowing any of the above, I wouldn't say it's the worst thing in the world. A lot of people fantasize either outside of or during sex to get off.
It's a bit dishonest, I'm guilty of this too though. I've done it two or three times, but I feel as long as these thoughts stay inside the moment where you're having sex. Lust is a powerful thing, and you'd be naive to believe he's never thought of fucking other people when he's jerking off or having sex with you, if even briefly. For the most part it really is harmless but keep a check on it otherwise it could lead to a shit storm.
>>16872665 >>16872684 you're a bad person for this, but its also something that pretty much every girl does. women want to date up and when they arent satisfied they look for a higher tier male instead of breaking off the relationship.
>>16872684 the reality of the situation is that people do settle. happens a lot. if you're okay with that then stay with your bf but really try to work on the relationship. it doesn't get better without effort.
you need to be able to decipher if it's your infatuation with this side dude that's turning you off from your bf or if you're just not attracted to your bf. that's a big difference. there's always going to be a Chad Thundercock somewhere.
>>16872724 If you view a relationship as settling, it will never work. You will always feel unfulfilled and you will eventually fuck it all up. Seriously, either put your whole heart in or get the fuck out before you seriously hurt your partner.
>>16872665 It's perfectly normal to fantasize about other people while you're having sex. Any therapist would tell you that. The point where it becomes a problem is if you'd actually act on those fantasies and try and have sex in reality with other men instead of your boyfriend. If you wanted to actually pursue a sexual relationship with this other person, then you should break up with your boyfriend first. Otherwise, fantasize away, but don't tell your boyfriend about the fantasies, because that could needlessly hurt his feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own private thoughts.
>you can find a partner that you care for and can build a positive relationship.
I've never been able to find someone who likes me back. I've been alone all my life until this year, I have emotional needs that need to be met and this is the closest I can get. I don't want to be alone again. It's horrible. You end up feeling subhuman.
>>16872758 No, this is your typical woman on /adv/. They come here seeking validation for their shitty mindsets and do everything in their power to justify it to themselves when people tell them they are wrong.
1. Do you love your boyfriend, and have you enjoyed sex with him AS HE IS up until recently? If the answer is yes, then you are just in a sexual rut, and fantasizing about other men you're attracted to while having sex is perfectly normal. These things happen all the time in even the most solid of relationships. 2. If you would actually act on these fantasies about the other guy, and see it as a better/more satisfying relationship than with your boyfriend, then you have an issue you need to work out. There's no good reason to string your boyfriend along if you already know you don't plan on staying with him. 3. If fantasizing about this other person is just a way for you to get off while having sex with your boyfriend, then it's fine. Everyone does that sometimes. I've been married for 16 years, and I fantasize about having sex with other men to get off sometimes, and I would NEVER leave or cheat on my husband, he's my best friend and great in bed, but everyone gets in a rut or gets bored sometimes. Fantasies are just a way to spice things up for yourself. You could also try actually physically spicing things up with your boyfriend. New sex toys, new kinds of foreplay, new positions or places to have sex, etc. A little of that goes a long way.
But the point is, as long as this is PURELY fantasy, you're fine. Unless you have fallen out of love with your boyfriend, then you need to gently let him know and move on. There's no reason to hurt him.
>>16872792 By all means, this. It's not about having fantasies, that's very very normal; it's the fact that she has said she'd leave/cheat the second the other guy (or anyone else who she happens to like more) shows interest.
If you people are okay with that, I don't even know what to say to you.
>>16872814 24!?!?! You are out of your mind, you dumbfuck. 24 is way too young to "settle". If you were 34, I might say yeah, just be happy with what you have. You're an idiot who's going to fuck up this guy's life, and your own. AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DO NOT BREED. That would just be another noose around this poor schmuck's neck. Btw, I'm >>16872785, so I WAS on your side, but you're fucked up, dear.
>>16872843 >>16872835 All im saying is she should not care so much about what her boyfriend feels(not that she willever 100% know anyway) and focus on how to keep herself happy. That way not only her, but also her boy will be better off in the long run.
If everybody cared for themselves, everybody would be cared for.
>>16872840 >I've been alone all my life. This is my first relationship and it feels much better than being alone. You know what's even better? Not having to hide your feelings and skulk about.
So you don't want to end your current relationship. That's fine; you do have another option, after all. Why not build your current relationship into something real? Cultivate genuine feelings for this guy, rather than pining away for soneone you can't have.
>They've never liked me back anyway. Then you distance yourself and move on. Repeat until you find someone who DOES like you back.
>>16872926 >And it's much better than being alone.
And here we go again... you are a shitty human being. If you can, at least, ackowledge you are a shitty and selfish human being I'd respect you a bit more. But since you are doing mental gymanstics to justify it to yourself, I'll call you a cunt.
>>16872930 >Ayn Rand pls go. This strikes me more as Neitzchean than Randian. Rand would be appalled at the deception involved: creating an illusion that A is not A, for one's own personal benefit. I'm no Randroid, but she had her limits. Even though some of her followers seem to have discarded them.
>>16872840 OP, I'm in exactly your situation and male. I'm 25 and a virgin. I have always fucked up with the girls that took an interest in me and they changed their minds before the first date. I finally managed to get someone and we're dating, but I'll probably tell her I'm not really interested soon, when it'll be less uncomfortable. It will just be limiting my options, and breaking her heart even more when I tell her I don't actually like her. Think about the other person, not just yourself.
>>16873006 That's the beauty of the anonymous image board. If someone posts bullshit, no one is held to any kind of retarded standard saying "You have to give good, nice advice only to the person posting".
OP is a heartless cunt, and so this board is giving her the advice to stop being a heartless cunt. It's no wonder she's always alone.
>>16873018 Odd, because to me it is the other way around. The anonymity allows me to lend a hand to people who cant find help elsewhere because they are heartless or immoral. Truth is that OP would get torn apart if she asked for advice in any other way.
>>16873032 >your advice doesnt suit her needs. That's not the fucking point of advice. Advice isn't about telling the person what they want to hear.
That's whats so fucking wrong with the people who post threads here; they have retarded problems that boil down to them being in some way or another, a total fucking dipshit, and then they get offended and do everything in their power to justify to themselves why their current direction is just fine and how everyone who is giving them ADVICE IN THE THREAD THEY POSTED ASKING FOR ADVICE is wrong. This is why nobody who asks for advice here will never improve; they don't actually want advice, they just want people to tell them they are okay and normal and everything is fine.
suit her needs? she's being a cunt to some dude that's committed to her. she doesn't care for him and would leave him if an opportunity would arise.
that's not someone you cater to and coddle, it's someone you should help. she needs to exit that shitshow of a relationship and work on herself. not only for her best interests but in the interests of that poor faggot that's with her.
>>16873032 >>16873045 >>16873050 Yo, dudes, he literally said that he'd help a Nazi figure out how to kill Jews if they asked on here, were he only qualified to do so. I think we can safely ignore him as a nutjob at this point.
Some people have this weird idea that when somebody asks for help with doing something shitty we're under an ethical obligation to give it to them, as though we'd all sworn some kind of oath to help the person asking for advice no matter what. Needless to say, not even actual advice columnists swear such an oath. Nor for that matter, do priests, psychiatrists, or other people whose jobs actually do present them with moral-ethical conflicts from time to time.
>>16873071 He's only with you because you're lying by omission that you don't actually like him. Why don't you tell him how you feel about him, surely once your feelings for him are on the table, he will stay with you.
>>16873064 Well you could start figuring out why do you need a relationship so badly to function as a human being. I mean, your happiness shouldn't depend on another person, as they will fail you somehow as all humans do, and then you'll feel dissapointed when the problem was you all along.
Either learn to control your thoughts or break up with this boy. Leading him on if you're not sexually attracted to him is robbing him of the opportunity to be with someone who is sexually attracted to him
>>16873064 >So I leave him and then what? Find another boyfriend. You found one; you cab find another.
Or, you could stay right where you are, but work on building genuine feelings for the one you're with. An honest relationship is way better than this, even if it has to be built after the fact.
>Go back to my life of feeling envious of couples and being lonely as fuck? Of course not. Everyone here has been telling you to find another boyfriend. This would solve that problem.
But you know what? I'm going to alter my advice a bit. Get over this other guy first, and THEN leave your boyfriend. That way you won't get stuck pining for someone you can't have, and never doing anything because of it.
>>16873198 So then don't be in felationships. If you can't give what you want, you are a hypocrite. And that's why people are giving you shit. You want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, and you are misleading others in the process.
>>16873260 Well, your boyfriend wants you. Do you think he deserves someone who wants him or someone who settled for him?
You need to get your shit together OP, I apologize for calling you names earlier because now I realize you're not a bad person - you just have the lowest self esteem I've ever seen in my life. The shitty part is that if you don't get your shit together, you'll end up hurting someone who has done no harm to you and you'll feel worse than you feel right now.
Since now we know you are not a bad person, it'll be hard, but I want to believe you'll do the right thing.
Learn to love yourself and learn to be happy on your own and I assure you you'll attract the guys you actually like.
>>16872761 This is women in general. They're trained very early by their friends that maintaining the existence of a relationship is more important than the actual health of the relationship - which is why you end up having a girl being "friends" with another girl that seems to hate her and cuts her down at every opportunity.
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