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When I fuck my boyfriend I think of this...
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 144
Thread images: 2
When I fuck my boyfriend I think of this guy I have feelings for, otherwise it's not enjoyable.

Am I bad for doing this?
>>
Don't lead him on. Unless you love him you shouldn't be with him.
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>>16872665
if that other dude pursued you, would you drop your bf?
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>>16872676
This. Don't be a shitty person.
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>>16872676
But it's better than being alone

>>16872679
I would but that would never happen since he doesn't like me back
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>>16872665
You already know the answer.
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>>16872684
Fatty whore detected. Your bf can do better.
>>
Few questions.

Is he better looking than your boyfriend?

Feelings as in Infatuation? Love? Lust?

As for my opinion without knowing any of the above, I wouldn't say it's the worst thing in the world. A lot of people fantasize either outside of or during sex to get off.

It's a bit dishonest, I'm guilty of this too though. I've done it two or three times, but I feel as long as these thoughts stay inside the moment where you're having sex. Lust is a powerful thing, and you'd be naive to believe he's never thought of fucking other people when he's jerking off or having sex with you, if even briefly. For the most part it really is harmless but keep a check on it otherwise it could lead to a shit storm.
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>>16872693

>Is he better looking than your boyfriend?

Not really

>Feelings as in Infatuation? Love? Lust?

I think love, it's the most I've ever felt about someone and I've felt this way for years
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>>16872665
>>16872684
you're a bad person for this, but its also something that pretty much every girl does. women want to date up and when they arent satisfied they look for a higher tier male instead of breaking off the relationship.
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>>16872684
the reality of the situation is that people do settle. happens a lot. if you're okay with that then stay with your bf but really try to work on the relationship. it doesn't get better without effort.

you need to be able to decipher if it's your infatuation with this side dude that's turning you off from your bf or if you're just not attracted to your bf. that's a big difference. there's always going to be a Chad Thundercock somewhere.
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>>16872684
>But it's better than being alone

Women, I swear to God. Oh but they are uncapable of harm, aren't they?

What a bitch.
>>
Guys do this all the time. Just don't let him know.
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>>16872708
I'm not all women, you know. Idiot.
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>>16872684
Wow either let your boyfriend know or dump him and tell him why
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>>16872719
But if I want a relationship I should settle, and this is me settling. Since I have to choose between being alone and being in this kind of relationship, I choose this.
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>>16872715
I might be an idiot, but I'm objectively a far better person than you are. Bitch. And you'd be surprised, most women are like you.
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>>16872699
Well in that case you're a bad person who needs to stop leading your boyfriend on. Think of him instead of yourself.
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>>16872727
What about me for once? Why do I always have to be alone and sad? I want someone to like me and be with me instead of me just fawning over a guy who doesn't like me.
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>>16872724
>But if I want a relationship I should settle

that's faulty reasoning. you can find a partner that you care for and can build a positive relationship.

no one has to settle. it's just they're scared of being alone. usually means they have a lot of issues with how they view themselves. you need to be happy about yourself.
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>>16872724
If you view a relationship as settling, it will never work. You will always feel unfulfilled and you will eventually fuck it all up. Seriously, either put your whole heart in or get the fuck out before you seriously hurt your partner.
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>>16872733
Then you leave him and find someone you can have a none deceptive relationship with. It's not rocket science, it'd be better for you too. Don't be selfish and ruin him too.
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>>16872665
It's perfectly normal to fantasize about other people while you're having sex. Any therapist would tell you that.
The point where it becomes a problem is if you'd actually act on those fantasies and try and have sex in reality with other men instead of your boyfriend. If you wanted to actually pursue a sexual relationship with this other person, then you should break up with your boyfriend first.
Otherwise, fantasize away, but don't tell your boyfriend about the fantasies, because that could needlessly hurt his feelings. Everyone is entitled to their own private thoughts.
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>>16872715
Thank whatever cosmic force.
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>>16872733
Because your boyfriend also wants soneone who likes him and being with him instead of some bitch who would leave him at the first sight of another man taking interest in her.
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>>16872684
>But it's better than being alone

warning to all guys don't date this type of girl they will cheat on you and don't actually love you.
>>
Yes. Commit wholly to one person. Don't fucking pretend and hurt him
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>>16872736

>you can find a partner that you care for and can build a positive relationship.

I've never been able to find someone who likes me back. I've been alone all my life until this year, I have emotional needs that need to be met and this is the closest I can get. I don't want to be alone again. It's horrible. You end up feeling subhuman.

>>16872745

>Then you leave him and find someone you can have a none deceptive relationship with.

Hah! As if you can just do that. I've never been able to find someone like that. No guy I've liked has liked me back.
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>>16872684
>But it's better than being alone

Is this bait ?
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>>16872758
No, this is your typical woman on /adv/. They come here seeking validation for their shitty mindsets and do everything in their power to justify it to themselves when people tell them they are wrong.
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>>16872758
Nope, she actually is like that.
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>>16872757
post pic.

maybe you're just unattractive and aiming for 9/10s
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>>16872757
>You end up feeling subhuman.
Which you are.
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>>16872765
He's not a 9/10.
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No, you are not. Its pretty normal, i think.

Dont mind the triggered virgins itt.
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>>16872665
Nah, everyone is allowed fantasies. As long as you're not cheating it's not wrong.
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>>16872724
So be with your boyfriend but at least tell him fuck
>>
1. Do you love your boyfriend, and have you enjoyed sex with him AS HE IS up until recently? If the answer is yes, then you are just in a sexual rut, and fantasizing about other men you're attracted to while having sex is perfectly normal. These things happen all the time in even the most solid of relationships.
2. If you would actually act on these fantasies about the other guy, and see it as a better/more satisfying relationship than with your boyfriend, then you have an issue you need to work out. There's no good reason to string your boyfriend along if you already know you don't plan on staying with him.
3. If fantasizing about this other person is just a way for you to get off while having sex with your boyfriend, then it's fine. Everyone does that sometimes. I've been married for 16 years, and I fantasize about having sex with other men to get off sometimes, and I would NEVER leave or cheat on my husband, he's my best friend and great in bed, but everyone gets in a rut or gets bored sometimes. Fantasies are just a way to spice things up for yourself. You could also try actually physically spicing things up with your boyfriend. New sex toys, new kinds of foreplay, new positions or places to have sex, etc. A little of that goes a long way.

But the point is, as long as this is PURELY fantasy, you're fine. Unless you have fallen out of love with your boyfriend, then you need to gently let him know and move on. There's no reason to hurt him.
>>
this is such a typical whore thread, date a guy because she doesnt want to be lonely and just string him along while searching for somebody better
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>>16872784
Don't be stupid, you never tell your partner about fantasies about other people. That's just not something they want to hear. It's okay to fantasize, but you don't need to tell them.
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>>16872785
she already said she would leave her boyfriend if this guy showed interest, but he doesn't, so she settles. It's a poisonous mindset.
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>>16872785
>Do you love your boyfriend, and have you enjoyed sex with him AS HE IS up until recently?

No

> If you would actually act on these fantasies about the other guy, and see it as a better/more satisfying relationship than with your boyfriend, then you have an issue you need to work out

What issues? I wouldn't cheat on him but a relationship with this guy I like would be more satisfying.

But I can't have him so I'm settling.
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>>16872792
By all means, this. It's not about having fantasies, that's very very normal; it's the fact that she has said she'd leave/cheat the second the other guy (or anyone else who she happens to like more) shows interest.

If you people are okay with that, I don't even know what to say to you.
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>>16872792
She would only hurt herself by thinking that. So thats okay in my book.

>>16872795
Arent you too young to settle?
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>>16872795
>No

leave. i dgaf about your feelings of loneliness. being lonely is scary if you're weak. stop being so pathetic and cruel. take some time to focus on yourself instead of looking for emotional crutches.

if you're unattractive then go work on yourself. start working out, lose some weight, eat less, whatever. put more effort in how you look and attain that attention you crave from Chads.

you're a terrible person for being this selfish. i feel sorry for your bf.
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>>16872791
No but you could tell him you're not over your ex
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>>16872684
Get raped, whore.
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>>16872805
What do you mean by too young? I'm 24 and no guy I've liked has ever liked me back, and opportunities to have a relationship are so rare, maybe one every few years.
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>>16872805
>She would only hurt herself by thinking that.
Uhh, how about her fucking boyfriend when she cheats on him once a more attractive person shows an inkling of interest? Stupid cunt
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>>16872814
Whats so unlikeable about you?
Sounds like you should hold onto your current bf for dear life.
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>>16872795
you are bad person and don't deserve happiness
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>>16872820
You cant live youre life worrying about hurting other people.
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>>16872827
I just don't get it. If I say I'm lonely people tell me to settle. When I settle people say to be lonely. It's like I can only do wrong.
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Seriously, just go on the cock carousel and get a new dick every month/week if you're just looking for a body to hold you over. Don't trick people into thinking you care when you don't.
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>>16872684
>But it's better than being alone
No, no it really isn't. Among other things, you're not free to pursue people you might actually have feelings for.

Either rebuild your relationship with your current boyfriend, or end it. This situation isn't working for anyone.
>>
>>16872830
This has to be a troll, or are you just a sociopath? You can't live life worrying about your significant others feelings? Jesus christ.

>>16872831
Don't settle, kill yourself.
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>>16872833

>No, no it really isn't.

I've been alone all my life. This is my first relationship and it feels much better than being alone.

>you're not free to pursue people you might actually have feelings for.

They've never liked me back anyway.
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>>16872830
wut nigga?

>You can't live life with empathy.

it's her SO. their feelings tend to be of some priority to normal people. this is a case where she doesn't give a fuck about how he feels. that's a problem.
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>>16872831
with no regard to how your partner would feel knowing he's just a warm body for some women who would drop him at the promise of someone "better"

you are a bad person
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>>16872831
Nobody will ever tell you to get in a relationship with someone you obviously have no feelings for. Stop making excuses.
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>>16872853
So why do people tell you to settle if it's a bad thing to do.

>>16872860
Yes they do, whenever I've complained about never having a boyfriend people say just settle for whoever wants you, so I did.
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>>16872814
24!?!?!
You are out of your mind, you dumbfuck. 24 is way too young to "settle". If you were 34, I might say yeah, just be happy with what you have. You're an idiot who's going to fuck up this guy's life, and your own. AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DO NOT BREED. That would just be another noose around this poor schmuck's neck.
Btw, I'm >>16872785, so I WAS on your side, but you're fucked up, dear.
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>>16872864
>why do people give bad advice

You really are a dense cunt, aren't you?
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>>16872843
>>16872835
All im saying is she should not care so much about what her boyfriend feels(not that she willever 100% know anyway) and focus on how to keep herself happy. That way not only her, but also her boy will be better off in the long run.

If everybody cared for themselves, everybody would be cared for.
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>>16872875
>All im saying is she should not care so much about what her boyfriend feels

This is why the dating world is so fucked up.
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>>16872864
what you are describing isn't settling but some fucked up fear of no one wanting you which I can see why
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>>16872875
Women, everyone.
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>>16872864
settling doesn't mean you completely disregard the individual you're with and just use them for your own selfish reasons.

settling means you lower your standards, you compromise on certain aspects of character, perhaps deal breakers that you used to hold are entertained.

it never means "be unhappy, use other people." that's horseshit.

i fucking hope your bf finds someone better.
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>>16872890
Anon don't you know? Women can do no harm, and if you think they can, then you're a misogynyst. And don't you dare complain about it, because then you'd be an /r9k/ whiner.
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>>16872795
That's a pretty shitty way to think. It's also extremely selfish. But since you won't leave, you can stew in your unhappy relationship until it blows up.
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>>16872893
Guess I'm just a bitter virgin
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>>16872886
>>16872890
First of all, im a guy. Secondly ive been in a great, loving relationship for 8 years now.
Being to caring does more harm than good.
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>>16872866
What do you mean by way too young to settle? Do you think I have options other than this guy? I don't.

>>16872889
What the fuck is settling then.

>>16872891

>settling means you lower your standards

That's exactly what I did. And apparently that's wrong.
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>>16872875
you're as much of a selfish cunt as OP.

i hope whatever sad soul ends up being your fallback plan smartens up and leaves you for the whore you are.
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>>16872906
>Secondly ive been in a great, loving relationship for 8 years now.

Yeahhh, right. A loving relationship in which you don't care too much about your partner's feelings. Your words, not mine.
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>>16872908
lowered them to what? zero?

you don't even like this guy. so your criteria for a boyfriend/romantic interest doesn't even include happiness.
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>>16872919
It's either this or nothing. And it's much better than being alone.
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>>16872875
Ayn Rand pls go.

I don't know what your "loving relationship of 8 years" is like, but it's sure not one I'd want for myself.
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>>16872840
>I've been alone all my life. This is my first relationship and it feels much better than being alone.
You know what's even better? Not having to hide your feelings and skulk about.

So you don't want to end your current relationship. That's fine; you do have another option, after all. Why not build your current relationship into something real? Cultivate genuine feelings for this guy, rather than pining away for soneone you can't have.

>They've never liked me back anyway.
Then you distance yourself and move on. Repeat until you find someone who DOES like you back.
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>>16872926
then you're lost.

i hope your bf does better or you nut up and break it off with him.

you seem to be under the impression that your bf will never figure it out. as if you could hide something like this for a long time.

have fun being 34 and alone. that's going to be a real shock.
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>>16872926
>And it's much better than being alone.

And here we go again... you are a shitty human being. If you can, at least, ackowledge you are a shitty and selfish human being I'd respect you a bit more. But since you are doing mental gymanstics to justify it to yourself, I'll call you a cunt.
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>>16872930
>Ayn Rand pls go.
This strikes me more as Neitzchean than Randian. Rand would be appalled at the deception involved: creating an illusion that A is not A, for one's own personal benefit. I'm no Randroid, but she had her limits. Even though some of her followers seem to have discarded them.
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>>16872943

> that's going to be a real shock.

I've always felt that I'll be alone for all my life so it won't be any kind of shock.
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>>16872954
And you'd deserve it, to be quite honest.
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>>16872840
OP, I'm in exactly your situation and male. I'm 25 and a virgin. I have always fucked up with the girls that took an interest in me and they changed their minds before the first date.
I finally managed to get someone and we're dating, but I'll probably tell her I'm not really interested soon, when it'll be less uncomfortable. It will just be limiting my options, and breaking her heart even more when I tell her I don't actually like her. Think about the other person, not just yourself.
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>>16872910
>>16872914
You two softies need to get the fuck out.

Thats the whole problem with this board actually. They always give out advice helping the victim, never the person asking.
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>>16872969
>caring about your partner makes you a softie
Your partner must be a rare breed.

And people gave advice to the OP; leave the person you're using as a warm body and/or kill yourself.

Pretty sound advice, I hope she takes it.
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>>16872969
yeah, disregard the individual being used and manipulated by some fat whore on the basis of her being the OP.

you're fucking retarded.
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>>16872982
Maybe we can convince her to kill herself on cam. Who knows?
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>>16872969
>They always give out advice helping the victim

And according to you, that's a bad thing? Okay.
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>>16872950
That's actually a fair point. Obviously I was reacting to the "moral selfishness" implied by his post, but I'm not seriously trying to contend he actually represents Rand's philosophy.
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>>16872969
>Thats the whole problem with this board actually. They always give out advice helping the victim, never the person asking.
Yes. That is a "problem."
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>>16872983
If you are being asked for advice you should help the person asking. That should be your number one priority.

If OPs boyfriend was here asking for advice on how to react to his gf fantasizing about other guys while with him i would take his side.
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>>16873006
So if I make a thread asking advice on how to gas all the kikes, you'll be on my side? Neat.
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>>16873006
not if the person asking me is a fucking cunt and refusing to listen to my advice. especially if she's in the wrong but won't take steps to resolving the problem at hand.

OP has been told to leave the current bf she doesn't care about and work on herself.

"oh but i'll be lonely."

she's just looking for someone to pat her on the back and tell her it's okay. you can be the faggot to do that while other people try to help.
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>>16873006
That's the beauty of the anonymous image board. If someone posts bullshit, no one is held to any kind of retarded standard saying "You have to give good, nice advice only to the person posting".

OP is a heartless cunt, and so this board is giving her the advice to stop being a heartless cunt. It's no wonder she's always alone.
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>>16873013
Maybe not on that, but if i felt like i could give you productive adivce, sure.

I just dont know enough about the logistics of kike-gassing.

>>16873015
Her reaction should have given you a hint that your advice doesnt suit her needs.
>>
>>16873018
Odd, because to me it is the other way around. The anonymity allows me to lend a hand to people who cant find help elsewhere because they are heartless or immoral.
Truth is that OP would get torn apart if she asked for advice in any other way.
>>
>>16872773
this
we (dudes) pull that shit all the time. im not gonna settle with a 6/10 if a 9/10 approaches

that said, i dont think about hotter bitches when i fuck averages...
>>
>>16873032
>your advice doesnt suit her needs.
That's not the fucking point of advice. Advice isn't about telling the person what they want to hear.

That's whats so fucking wrong with the people who post threads here; they have retarded problems that boil down to them being in some way or another, a total fucking dipshit, and then they get offended and do everything in their power to justify to themselves why their current direction is just fine and how everyone who is giving them ADVICE IN THE THREAD THEY POSTED ASKING FOR ADVICE is wrong. This is why nobody who asks for advice here will never improve; they don't actually want advice, they just want people to tell them they are okay and normal and everything is fine.

Fuck off
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>>16873032
christ, you are a pussy.

suit her needs? she's being a cunt to some dude that's committed to her. she doesn't care for him and would leave him if an opportunity would arise.

that's not someone you cater to and coddle, it's someone you should help. she needs to exit that shitshow of a relationship and work on herself. not only for her best interests but in the interests of that poor faggot that's with her.
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>>16873050
OP here

So I leave him and then what? Go back to my life of feeling envious of couples and being lonely as fuck? How does that solve the problem.
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>>16873064
You free your boyfriend to find someone worth dating. Someone who actually, I don't know, likes him?
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>>16873064
If you killed yourself, you'd never be lonely again! :^)
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>>16873065
He's free to leave me for someone else, I'm not keeping him locked up.
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>>16873064
Now you know how most men here feel like and why they hate you.
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>>16872665
Let this thread be a friendly reminder of how women are.
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>>16873032
>>16873045
>>16873050
Yo, dudes, he literally said that he'd help a Nazi figure out how to kill Jews if they asked on here, were he only qualified to do so. I think we can safely ignore him as a nutjob at this point.

Some people have this weird idea that when somebody asks for help with doing something shitty we're under an ethical obligation to give it to them, as though we'd all sworn some kind of oath to help the person asking for advice no matter what. Needless to say, not even actual advice columnists swear such an oath. Nor for that matter, do priests, psychiatrists, or other people whose jobs actually do present them with moral-ethical conflicts from time to time.
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>>16873071
He's only with you because you're lying by omission that you don't actually like him. Why don't you tell him how you feel about him, surely once your feelings for him are on the table, he will stay with you.
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>>16873064
Well you could start figuring out why do you need a relationship so badly to function as a human being.
I mean, your happiness shouldn't depend on another person, as they will fail you somehow as all humans do, and then you'll feel dissapointed when the problem was you all along.
>>
>>16873045
no, ill stay right here. Youre advice is shit and worthless because she wont follow it.
Telling people to break up is the most simplistic adn retarded relationship advice ever.

>>16873050
>name-calling
This page shouldnt be used by people under the age of 18.
>>
>>16873064
agree. continue to literally and metaphorically fuck your bf til you find someone better

these virgins are hilarious
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>>16873085
So you can't refute anything, and since he called you a pussy you're going to defend yourself with that?

You ARE a pussy.
>>
>>16873086
>trying to use virgin as an insult
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>>16873085
>Youre advice is shit and worthless because she wont follow it.

That doesn't make my advice worthless, it makes her fucking retarded. If someone is considering drinking bleach and I advise them not to, and they do it anyways, that doesn't make my advice worthless.

There is literally no other advice, she doesn't even like her partner, so she should leave him. Period. Full stop. You fucking retard.
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>>16873094
Faggot.

Go ahead defend yourself.
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>>16873120
I am a faggot, now what?
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>>16873123
That means i won.*

*Any posts following this one will be consdired butt-mad.
>>
>>16873139
Me being gay means you won...?

L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N
>>
>>16873149
>trying to damage control your madness

No thanks im in a very happy relationship with a real girl.
>>
>>16872665
is it me?
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>>16873152
But you said the me being gay meant you won...
>>
>>16872665
Yes, you are bad for doing this.

Either learn to control your thoughts or break up with this boy.
Leading him on if you're not sexually attracted to him is robbing him of the opportunity to be with someone who is sexually attracted to him
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>>16873064
>So I leave him and then what?
Find another boyfriend. You found one; you cab find another.

Or, you could stay right where you are, but work on building genuine feelings for the one you're with. An honest relationship is way better than this, even if it has to be built after the fact.

>Go back to my life of feeling envious of couples and being lonely as fuck?
Of course not. Everyone here has been telling you to find another boyfriend. This would solve that problem.

But you know what? I'm going to alter my advice a bit. Get over this other guy first, and THEN leave your boyfriend. That way you won't get stuck pining for someone you can't have, and never doing anything because of it.
>>
I use my hands and water tbqfh, well at home anyway.

Yeah im touching shit, but Im washing my hands and asshole with warm soap so its all good.
>>
>>16873193
What?
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>>16873184
>Find another boyfriend. You found one; you cab find another.

Opportunities to have a boyfriend only come very rarely and it's never a guy I actually like, so it will be the same thing all over again, no guy that I've liked has ever liked me back.

Another boyfriend would just be someone I settle for and don't have feelings for, all over again.
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>>16873198
So then don't be in felationships. If you can't give what you want, you are a hypocrite. And that's why people are giving you shit. You want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, and you are misleading others in the process.

Don't you at least see that?
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>>16873204

>So then don't be in felationships.

Then I'll be even more unhappy.

See how there's no solution to this problem?
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>>16872665
ayy lmao
>123 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
gr8 b8
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>>16873206
You can't be happy on your own? How do you expect people to like you when you don't even like yourself?

Are you telling me that in this day and age you need a man to be happy? Get the fuck out of here.
>>
>>16873206
You seriously need to consult.
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>>16873210
Obviously I do because I'm less unhappy now that I've got my first boyfriend.
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>>16873218
Well, we found your problem. At least we know now that you can't stand yourself; you feel worthless without a man.

That's something you should fix.
>>
just saw this thread and i can't believe that an obvious bait got so many triggered replys.
>>
>>16873225
If I don't have a boyfriend that must mean I'm not wanted and I'm unloveable. That's a really bad feeling.
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>>16873206
You don't need a boyfriend, you need a therapist.
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>>16873229
>If I don't have a boyfriend that must mean I'm not wanted and I'm unloveable.

You couldn't be more wrong. Have you stopped to consider that this is why the guys you actually like don't like you back?

It's because you cannot aport anything of value to them BECAUSE YOU YOURSELF DON'T FEEL VALUABLE.

This is honest to God, well intentioned advice: Go see a therapist.
>>
>>16873232
>>16873243

I have a therapist. I know part of why I feel this way is because I was rejected by my parents and by every kid at every school I went to.

But you've got to think to yourself, why would all those people reject you if there isn't something shit about you.

I just want to feel wanted for once.
>>
>>16873260
Well, why aren't you fixing that instead of seeking validation from others?
>>
>>16873277
There's no way to "fix" that, I can't make people like me. I can't make myself more valuable than I am.
>>
>>16873260
Well, your boyfriend wants you. Do you think he deserves someone who wants him or someone who settled for him?

You need to get your shit together OP, I apologize for calling you names earlier because now I realize you're not a bad person - you just have the lowest self esteem I've ever seen in my life. The shitty part is that if you don't get your shit together, you'll end up hurting someone who has done no harm to you and you'll feel worse than you feel right now.

Since now we know you are not a bad person, it'll be hard, but I want to believe you'll do the right thing.

Learn to love yourself and learn to be happy on your own and I assure you you'll attract the guys you actually like.

Good luck, OP. Don't let me down.
>>
She is literally refusing any advice you guys give, and you guys still replying, why not just leave this bait thread?
>>
>>16872761
This is women in general. They're trained very early by their friends that maintaining the existence of a relationship is more important than the actual health of the relationship - which is why you end up having a girl being "friends" with another girl that seems to hate her and cuts her down at every opportunity.
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