So there used to be this copy pasta about when you're suicidal the world is your oyster because you have nothing left to lose, well I've decided I'm going to have my cake and eat it too.
I really hate living, I hate the people I'm surrounded by, I hate my past, I hate my future, there is no means to escape this with some permanency. I have redesigned myself from the ground up to be a better person, and that wasn't enough. 4 years ago I was very much on the do-or-die edge of suicide, I could keep living and I'd do everything I could, or I'd die trying.
Well it didn't work out, so I'm going with dying. I'm ok with this, I gave it my best but my future is not positive.
All said and done, my life has been short. I'm in my early twenties, I've not had a good taste of life. I don't really want to be a melodramatic prick that jumps off of a multistory or is found hanged in their room. I find that to be a senseless act.
I want to sell everything I've got, pool my money up together, and go vanish somewhere. I wanna fuck people, do drugs, see amazing sights, and eat some good food. At least that way I quit on a high note. So my question for you /adv/, is what are the things everyone has gotta do in their life? Other than shitty 'become corporate genius', 'start family' type things, I mean the sights, the food you gotta try once, the best countries to look at, I want help forming my bucket list.
It's ironic that you want to "do drugs and eat food" which is completely boring and things pretty much everyone does regardless of committing suicide or not. You should try something actually exciting like robbing a bank.
Man, please google 211 in your state and find your local crisis line.
Suicide isn't really the best option.
Sometimes things suck. It happens
Most all people hate adversity, but some actually use it to their advantage, and learn from it....
Nah, I'm actually doing ok.
Sure, but the plan is to have no money by the time I'm done and to end things wherever.
I actually want to do these things because I don't want my life to have been worthless. I don't have a future, and if I continue down this path, I'll have never done anything worthwhile. It'll be years of absolutely worthless, pointless, banal life spent alone and bored. The long game just won't work out for me, so I'd rather do the amazing things, at least then at the end I did something.
That is absolutely ridiculous. For one, if I get caught, I will experience a hell worse than the already shit life I have; I am not a big person, I am a small white person. The police are not too eager to kill people here, so I will end up in a prison, as someone's bitch, with whatever freedom I have now expunged.
>I want to sell everything I've got, pool my money up together, and go vanish somewhere. I wanna fuck people, do drugs, see amazing sights, and eat some good food.
Probably the best idea for someone considering suicide. Because look at it this way, if you do this, you'll most likely find a purpose in life and find a whole new happiness that makes you want to wake up every morning OR you have heaps of fun before you die.
Kind of a win-win there.
Do you have any recommendations on places to see, food to eat, best drugs and the best fucks between the two poles?
Y'know when you have a long term plan you're always in the air of caution, you're always saying 'but how will this impact me later?', but I don't have a long term plan. I have nothing to stop me enjoying the great things this life has to enjoy, I just need to seize it. It might be short, but it'll have been a life.
Where do you live?
Best place I've been is South East Asia. Go around Thailand, Indonesia etc. You won't have a problem getting laid, it's cheap as fuck and it's amazing to see.
I'd recommend Europe too but I haven't been so that wouldn't be honest, but it looks beautiful and there's so much to see.
As someone else who has tried the same thing, a few suggestions to try before you die.
>Road trip, if you're in the US. Lots of cheap things to see/do, if you do it right. Tons of natural beauty, and you can spend a year at least at national parks and so on if that's your cup of tea
>Thailand is beautiful and cheap, too, plus tons of drugs/whores and maybe someone will kill you for you
>Brazil is also gorgeous, dangerous and fun; Mexico is a cheaper version
>Eastern Europe is fun if you want the same atmosphere at times, but white people; never did that personally, but a friend of mine did
>If you're in the US, you can honestly road trip into South America with a passport. I knew one person who started in Maine, went to California slowly, then went into Mexico and turned around at Argentina.
>For drugs, weed and alcohol are obviously fun
>LSD is absolutely amazing if you enjoy that kind of experience. Favorite drug of mine, you may even find a reason to live with it. Sex, movies, music, and nature are all better with LSD; even a car ride is.
>Coke and heroin you may as well try, if you're going to die and they interest you. Skip meth.
>Sexually, experiment. Try a gangbang, try an orgy, even try having gay sex. Being fucked is fun too, occasionally.
Food wise, just try everything and anything. Some things you may not have tried, but probably will like are buffalo, elk, goat, horse, wild boar, venison, emu/ostrich, squid, octopus, eel, calf's liver, horse, duck. Some of those are obviously more mundane than others, but it all depends what you've experienced before.
I recommend Indian, Venezuelan and Argentinian cooking. You can probably find those in your local area too, if you're in a decently sized city. Honestly, India is a pretty place to visit too, so you may as well.
Well for me personally, I never realized how amazing nature is until I finally saw it. Go see Yosemite, breathe fresh air, look at the gigantic mountains of granite and watch the sun rise over them. Go walk around the foresty parts and pretend you're in Middle Earth or some shite. It's pretty cool.
Also, going to see ruins of the Roman Empire in Italy is pretty badass. Ancient human-constructed buildings that are still around are things that can't be seen in America. Go check out some of that shit in Europe.
As for food...I mean, I don't really know. There are a lot of great restaurants in every major city in the world, but I hear the best coffee is in Melbourne (yeah, Australia, weird right?) and the best desserts are in France. If you're really into bread, my dad always says the bread in Germany was the best he ever had, despite the crust being rock hard.
Protip on the drugs: don't do the ones that are insta-addictions, like heroine and meth. That will just fuck you up. Ecstasy and coke are safe bets, relatively speaking of course.
Then there's typical shit: drive down the freeway at 100 mph when no one is around (I'm chickenshit about getting a ticket so I've only gone up to 95), have amazing sex, make someone's day by paying for their shit. Help out at an animal shelter or mission for the homeless. There's a lot of great shit you can do.
Those are some pretty solid calls. Thailand is cheap right? Maybe I'll check out the Philippines and Indonesia too.
I live in Europe, so no US roadtrip for me.
I'll probably give heroin and coke a miss along with meth. The others sound good.
So anon who tried it before, you decided you wanted to keep on living or?
>Thailand is cheap right?
You'll be surprised. I regularly got 4 star hotel rooms for $25 AUD a night which i think is only about 15 EUR.
Food at a nice restaurant was about $8 - $10 AUD and so on.
This is also the same for pretty much every SEA country.
Thailand is super cheap - probably one of the cheapest countries you can visit that has "modern" amenities. India is cheap too, if you want pretty with a little less party (although there's party parts of India).
I hear a lot of the former USSR is cheap as hell, too. I have a friend in Bulgaria who says Turkey is also super cheap to visit, so those may be options.
If you can afford to GET to America, there are opportunities to visit it (and South America and Canada) cheaply, especially if you utilize couch surfing - although without a car, you'd be fucked financially, so you'd want to buy a cheap one and then you're looking at a huge expense. A lot of the Caribbean is also cheap, if you can afford to get there. Jamaica and the Netherlands are good places for safe-ish drug partying. Obviously, one of those is closer to you than the other.
I ended up not going as hard as you want to. I did drugs (LSD, Salvia, shrooms, DXM, DMT, weed), drank, ate what I wanted, etc. and sold a lot of my things, but not everything. I ended up leaving for three months with a friend of mine (female) who felt similarly, and we did a roadtrip from Indiana to Nevada, taking our time. We both ended up deciding to go back to our families for a while, ended up dating, got a dog on a whim, etc.
Not sure if I regret that or not (still suicidal, not as intensely) but I don't regret the trip aspect of it.
Fuckin' damn well when I've sold my shit I'll have about $4000. Not exactly sure how to keep my money abroad.
Yeah I can't drive, it'd be a lot of effort to go US roadtrippin'.
Wow it sounds like you had a pretty sweet adventure and had a partner in crime. I'd be going solo, and I'm sure the fun and novelty of a road trip would be lost on someone doing it by themselves.
Sorry to hear you're still suicidal mate, are you not still in contact and chilling with that girl?
Other than the party scene, what kind of cool nature is in Thailand?
You can help keep money by teaching English. It's not a terribly hard job to get, and it's in demand. Cruise ships often will hire easily, too.
It was a good trip, but awkward. We actually didn't know one another super well before then (we were close, but not best friends). Road trips have some appeal either way, but it is way easier to be able to talk.
I'm still with her, but nothing just "fixes" being suicidal. Even if you find a reason to live, you likely will still have suicidal bouts, and it'll come and go in intensity. Mine is worse now (last six-ish months) than it has been in years, but it'll likely get better before I go back into full "fuck it" mode.
Thailand has a lot of hiking trails, parks, so on. It also has a lot of wildlife tours - a quick google search should help. Elephant rides and parks are also popular, but a lot have animal cruelty, so be careful.
Partying is plentiful as well, obviously. A lot of the tourist industry has to do with partying. Even the cities supposedly have a lot of natural beauty in their own way; elephants being used like horses, children playing freely in the streets, monks everywhere, etc.
Vietnam is also pretty (and cheap-ish), with a lavish tourist economy. The Philippines are, too. Try /trv/, although leave out the suicide bit; just ask for cheap contries.
Is there a cause for your feelings (suicidal tendencies), any big triggers? It's hard for me to understand why someone would go to that length, and then ground themselves back to reality.
There's a world of advice I can give. I checked out when I was 20, and I've been doing whatever the fuck I want for the past 12 years. The same feelings of not wanting to be a part of standard life is there, but I'm moving forward every day, doing exactly what I want.
So, besides drugs and food, what the fuck do you want? If I were you, and I partly was, I'd book a flight to Bangkok and go immediately.
Why'd you check out of life? Does it really count as checking out if you're still going more than a decade later?
For me, it's because I'm really tired of being a tool. Nobody wants to know me, and as soon as my usefulness expires, I'm enemy #1. I try to connect with and help people, but somehow I always end up the bad guy. It wouldn't be such a problem were it a pure matter of perspective, but being the bad guy is a lonely business, and I'm pretty sick of being used, painted a villain, and ending up on my own again.
I've done new places, new people, new fields, and nothing has worked. I'm gonna take a safe bet that it's just me, and I dunno how or what to change, or why I should change. I don't think there's anything really wrong with who I am to deserve this, and I had too rough a childhood and the future looks too bleak for me to live for a long time.
Rather just have a bit of fun and vanish.
Mental illness is a big part of it. I also have a "minor" physical birth defect that makes life unpleasant and requires medication for life. There's other shit, but it comes and goes.
I checked out because I looked forward to all options in my life and realized I wanted none of them. So, I booked a ticket to SE Asia at four am and flew out a few weeks after.
Again, I just realized the life that I had been working for wasn't the life I wanted. There was no fixing it doing what I was doing. So I did something totally different.
Now, I'm settled, but I'm settled on an island on the Philippines, I own fucking rice fields, and I'm happy more days than not.
That much would have been a miracle to my younger self.
Sounds like you have different issues, but, there's something new out there for you. I'd go see if you find all the shits you couldn't give anymore out there in the wilderness.