Hey /adv/ I could use your help bigtime.
I recently got out of a five year long relationship with this girl.
It was not mutual, she fell out of love with me, the problem is I still have a lot of feelings for her.
The problem is the following, she still wants to be friends with me. Now I’ve had relationships before, and we never were friends after. But she says that I was a hugely important part of her life and that she cares about me, just no longer in a romantic way.
How do I respond to that though? I don’t think I can deal with that. I can’t just be her ‘friend’ after what we had.
And I still love her, its going to kill me to see her eventually move on. Fuck that.
Is it normal to be friends with your exes? She says it is if were both mature, but I don’t think I can at all. With my feelings being the way they are.
She says theres a part of her that loves me, not romantically but the kind of love you have for someone you were with a long time. And she wants me around but its just hurting me so incredibly much. I can’t bear it.
Should I just delete her from everything and move on? Also, tips on getting over heartbreak? I feel like shit, so much. I can’t eat, sleep or do anything. Even in my dreams she’s there, I don’t have any peace.
When people break up it rarely is even. One person usually loves the other person a lot more.
>Is it normal to be friends with your exes?
Nope. It can work if neither of you have feelings for each other.
Cut off contact with her and maybe get in touch with her in a few years when you're over her. You're going to be devastated when she finds somebody else and even more devastated when she is happy with him and you're unhappy.
In my opinion seeing how you say you feel about this situation, it's not a good idea. I don't think you can honestly be friends with an ex right after you end a relationship lasting more than 6 months. Maybe a year from now when the wound isn't fresh. Maybe never. Just don't fool yourself, staying close after a long term relationship will only give you false hope and prevent you from moving on with your life.
Any tips on getting over heartbreak guys? I feel like utter dogshit.
All the time.
Just tell her you understand and that you might like that in the future, but right now you're still too in-love with her, and that you need time for that to go away and adjust. It's not fair for her to expect your situation to instantly change just because hers did.
On your end the important thing is you don't obsess over things, don't repress anything, and don't take yourself too seriously. Just feel what you feel--without any melodrama and exaggeration tacked on--and then once you've let yourself feel it all and feel tired of it, say enough is enough and move forward.
It will still hurt a little, and you'll still be reminded of her, but time heals all, and the more you do, the more you'll move on.
This is the end of your chapter with her, but a new one is ahead of you, but only if you keep trying to move forward and keep your chin up.
You guys want to know the worst part? I didn’t even do anything wrong. I gave her everything I had, I was good, I was loyal, considerate, I was passionate. I never did her wrong.
I loved her intensely, with every ounce of my being but she still fell out of love with me. It feels as though the floor was swept from right under my feet. I don’t know if I will ever love again without being paranoid that even if I do everything right things will get fucked up.
I genuinely thought she was the one, I don’t even know where to go from here or what to even do. I haven’t told anybody but you guys.
>I gave her everything I had, I was good, I was loyal, considerate, I was passionate. I never did her wrong.
It feels fucking bad man but you'll eventually find a girl who give you everything she has.
Some girls are nasty mate. It's better you found out what she is like now than spend a few more years with her.
>I don’t know if I will ever love again without being paranoid that even if I do everything right things will get fucked up.
I know that feeling. It's really hard to trust and love people again after you have a major break up. You do get over this feeling though. I can't explain how it happens because it just does.
>I can't explain how it happens because it just does.
I hope it does. Because right now I feel hopeless, abandoned and alone.
I'm still reeling, nothing really helps to take my mind off of her. The last thing I want to do is talk to her or see her, so I'm thinking the friends thing is def off the table.
I don't know how i'll feel about in in a couple of years, but i've never been the type that looks back. I just... Everything feels so fucked up.
I'm just so confused I feel like my girl was stolen and replaced with a body double.
the problem for you was there was no closure.
you need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her. and move on. best thing for you to do is keep her out of your life so your heart can move on and heal the rift.
That's how it goes, OP. I hate to say this and it may not be true but she may have found someone else. This exact thing happened to me after two years. She gave me all the same excuses and bs speeches about how I was important to her but meanwhile she was talking to multiple guys and going on dates while I was at home miserable and depressed waiting for a text back. Again, that's just what happened to me, she might not be with someone else but it's definitely a possibility.
I just wanted to add that even if she is with someone else it doesn't matter, OP. It's over and life has to go on so don't stress on it because nothing will come of overthinking about it.
Ugh. This hurts to even think about. Was it all really a lie? She was with me for five years and there were lots of times when we were very happy. But maybe your right.
Ignore the bitter forever-alones and redpills. Following that line of logic might help you get over it faster, but it will also make you just as bitter as them and make everything moving forwards tainted by bitterness.
Your happy times were real. Sad times never erase good ones. But those are in the past now, and so is she.
Be happy you had any good times because there are plenty that never have. Pity those that haven't, and look forward to the future where you can have it again--because you know it's there, that you're capable of it, and that there are people who can inspire that in you.
Thank you anon, i'll try to look forward to the future.
Right now I still feel like a huge ton of bricks fell on my head.
I feel lost, my confidence is shattered and everything seems really bleak. There's this pit of anxiety in my stomach, I just with the machine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was real so I could just forget.
How do you guys get over like the sadness?
Like there are things we did that are ruined now because they make me think so much of her.
Like the shows, movies, games we watched or played together.
I have zero desire to do them/watch them anymore.
How do I force myself to stop caring?
Is there anything I can do to speed it up? to get over it as fast as possible? To kill these feelings?
Any tips at all to speed it up? I hate feeling like this.
Feel it now, so it doesn't come up to bite you in the ass later, and scar you in the process.
That's how ALL emotions work. If you don't process them, now, you'll pay for it in the long run.
its shitty advice, but time heals all.
ive been where you are, absolutely devastated, all my plans for the future ruined. every waking moment was hell.
took about a year before i was pretty much ok.
try to speed up the process by keeping busy, do anything, hang out with friends. even if you dont want to, do something.
but also just let yourself suffer, just be miserable for a couple days, dont suppress it.
i havent been in a long term relationship after that but not because i couldnt or anything, just havent found the right person.
took me a long time to be able to be interested in people romantically again tho. but thats when i knew i was healed. im actually friends with my ex now, and i dont really care about her more than i would a close acquaintance.
once enough time has passed youll be able to trust again. you forget how incredibly painful it was lol. we're made to seek out relationships.
ive read that heartbreak is processed by the brain as real pain, we could be having a conversation about you breaking your legs after riding a bike, and itd be the same convo. will you ever be able to ride again, will i ever like bike riding again.
yes you will, its just gonna take time and courage
you got this brother.
Thank you man.
And yeah I am feeling a lot of pain, like theres this giant bleeding void inside of me, you know?
I guess, I'm just going to work on myself and let time do its thing. Thank you so much for your encouragement.
yea i remember id have trouble breathing sometimes, not from crying but shit just felt like a tangible weight on my chest.
i had some shit going on recently in my life but talking to you and remembering how my break up went has put shit into perspective, so i gotta thank you for that.
also its pretty clear you cant be her friend, you should let her know and that for your own well being you need no contact for however long it takes.
>I don't want to be just friends, you do. It's not going to work
Pretty easy fampai. If that doesn't work, tell her she lost any right to influence your decision making the instant she left you