I'm not happy with who I am right now.
I want to work on myself, I want to work improve who I am. The issue is I.... I don't really know how or where to start.
It feels like such an overwhelming idea, I honestly feel like there's a fuck tonne of shit wrong with me, some I don't even know how to put into words.
So my question is, where do I begin, how do I figure myself out and "work on myself"
Question 1. How do I see myself?
Question 2. Am I happy with that? If I'm not, what do I need to change? What don't I like, and what would I rather see myself as?
Question 3. What are the steps to take to achieve those changes?
What helps me is to take pen and paper and just write. Anything that comes into my head at the time I'll write it down. It might help you figure some things out about yourself if you can see your thinking process actually written out.
I've always felt like something was missing from my life. I look around and I see so many interesting people doing so much cool shit with their lives. Confident, outgoing, charismatic, interesting hobbies, always has lots of stories to tell and seems to always go to crazy parties and shit (I honestly know quite a few people like that). I've always just feel really uninteresting around other people I guess. I go to school, I hangout playing video games with my friends, I go to work, I don't really have much to my life. I never have any cool stories to tell or much to talk about with anybody.
I also have many bad habits I want to break, and I've just always kinda felt..... weird mentally/emotionally. I'm not crazy or anything like that, just something about me just never really felt... right. I've tried to come up woth and explanation for it but I can't
do the following
> make a list of everything you hate in your life (list A)
>make a list of everything you love in your life (list B)
> make a list of everything you want to do in your life (list C)
lets start with list C. it should be a list of what you want to cahnge. do you want to go back to school? learn a specific trade? get fit? get a job? thats this list. break that into months.
>march is 'diet month'
in this month you make little goals that last the month to eat healthier. first is no junk food for two weeks. then you can have a snack twice a week (or whatever you deem 'healthy' without going overboard).
by the end of the month, you made it a habit. and it will stick.
>april is exercise month
now that you got a good diet, you need to put on muscle, yeh? so in this month you are goign to the gym. it will be scary and new, so having one month to adjust to it and make it a habit is good.
>may is hobby month
always wante dto write a book? or make a movie? or design a game? or what have you? this months for that. start your new hobby, add it in around your new eating and working out schedule and go nuts with it.
by doing things one month at a time you stop yourself from freaking out about having to
>wake up early
>clean your entire fucking house
>go back to school
>find a job
>and get a date
all in one day. and dont lie, we know you made a list like that (give or take a few) before. avoid putting things on this list such as 'get a gf' or 'get a job'. cuz you cant guarantee a job no matter how hard you try. or getting a gf (or worse, you settle for the first ho who says 'sure why not' just to meet the deadline). instead try to create scenarios like
>apply for jobs every day (or every other day)
>go to a different social event 2 or 3 times a week
that way you are putting yourself in the situation to meet the right girl or find a job, somethign you guarantee you can do (going to the bar, or applying) as opposed to something you cant control like whether or not they say yes.
if at the end of a month you dont liek something or realize its not for you. its okay. you might not want to do your hobby. its not giving up. but when you do let go of that, try to plan a month in the future where you do try something else. or simply replace that hobby wiht another hobby in the same time slot.
once in awhile you may need to slow down. getting a job or going back to school is a major change, and all the little changes might fall to the side. spend two weeks adjusting to your new job. then slowly reintroduce eating right, wroking out, and your hobbies to match your new schedule. then get back into tthe changes next month.
>make a lis tof everything you lvoei n your life (list b)
this list is crucial. life cant be all work. you need some play. so what do you love about oyur life? certain people? video games? movies? make sure you SCHEDULE time to do that. dont let people rip you from it
>HEY BRO WANNA HANG OUT?
>nope, sorry, i made plans to play dota 2 or whatever the fuck kids are playing these days
you already have time for your friends. take time for yourself.
>maek a list of everythign you hate in your life (list A)
somethings in your life suck. you cant control them, but you can almost always remove them. it might atke great sacrifice or change, but long run you are better for it.
telling someone you dont want to talk to them anymore sounds rough, but once they (and you) get over the shock, its a great life change.r this is perhaps the most important thing you can learn. there are actually very little consequences to letitng people or bad things out of your life. life goes on. guilt or anything else just fades away. then its the new normal.
This is great, a few things about me though
I'm currently in my first year of college for programming (I'm 19)
I'm currently living at home with my parents and driving to school and back
I currently have a part time job (just at a fast food restaurant, but it gets me enough money to get my to school and back)
It really isn't about getting my life together in that aspect.
However you did nail what I need to do in so many other ways, thank you.
You sound like you just need to get to know yourself. Do things you've never done before.
Consider traveling (doesn't have to be far), volunteering for something you would like to help out in, asking your parents or family member stories about their lives. Doesn't sound like anything special, but all you ever go is go to school, work, and play video games then you aren't giving yourself any room for soul searching and self discovery.
Also consider exploring art in a more in-depth way. Watch significant films that normally wouldn't listen to, discover some new music and go to the concert of one, go to art museums.
Art is a great tool for introspection and, if you feel up to it, create some art of your own.
Just get out there, OP. Spend some time getting to know yourself and putting yourself in novel situations. Maybe try a drug or two.
Lists are super helpful when it comes to organizing ones thoughts.
See what goals overlap, kill two birds with one stone when applicable.
There's few things I respect more than someone with the desire to want to improve themselves and the willpower to take those first steps.
You've got this, OP, I believe in you.
I've actually been really starting to get into music and stuff lately. I'm gonna buy a guitar once my term in school is done and try to learn.
>Maybe try a drug or two.
I smoke weed regularly. I'm open to try pretty much any drug once (except really heavy shit like heroin and meth), I've just never had the opportunity
Practice defining and exploring yourself in terms of music, art, film, literature, even fashion.
IMO, people need food, water, shelter, and—amongst other things—nourishment of their identity. Listening to new genres, albums, and artists will introduce yourself to new parts of your identity. Finding an album that resonates with you means finding a part of yourself that makes you feel good.
Finding an art movement or style or artist that resonates with you also intoxicatingly nourishing. Going to museums and concerts even more so.
Follow your gut. Each medium has SOMETHING for everyone. Find those bits and pieces of yourself scattered throughout culture. I feel that doing this is a much better coping strategy than confining yourself to movies, films, books, music, and art that you've already found and cemented as part of who you are. If you don't explore, you'll go insane. While confining yourself to those things might give you some comfort, they won't nourish you. It's sort of like planting the same crops in the same plot of land over and over again. Get that crop rotation going and you'll be golden, Anon. Good luck.
Like I've said before I've been listening to a lot of music lately.
I've been loving me some Between The Buried and Me, Protest The Hero, The Fall Of Troy, Coheed and Cambria (entry level I know), and it's definitely something I wanna continue exploring
I'd definitely recommend heading over to /mu/ if you haven't already. They're toxic af but are a great way of being exposed to new stuff. I had a two year period of intense anxiety and depression, and for a portion of that time I was listening to 2-5 albums I'd never heard per day.